Let's Talk About Emily Gilmore - Is She the Villain?

What do you think about Emily Gilmore? I tried my best to show both sides of Emily, but what are your thoughts? Let me know!
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[@Lozza685]

I think a lot of people sadly took advantage of Rory’s inability to say no cause she is a people pleaser. I think there are things she didn’t want to do with her grandparents but felt she couldn’t say no, not that she wanted to do it. Even Luke with tutoring Jess. She didn’t really want to do it, but felt like she couldn’t say no.

[@AVintageJoy]

Yeah high school Rory especially! There are some things that I feel worked out well, like golfing with Richard that I’m sure at the end of the day she was glad she did, but I don’t think really wanted to at the beginning! But I for sure agree!

[@Meg_intheclouds]

As someone who is a Rory Gilmore - 100%! My grandma is a lot like Emily and yeah. You go along with things because you don’t want to create more conflict, and also because you are seen as a sort of golden girl and sweet and don’t want to ruin that because if you do then you feel like you’ll loose people or make them upset.

[@alyzu4755]

I'm a year younger than Lorelei/Lauren Graham, so I totally get all of her pop culture references and understand a lot of where she's coming from. And I do believe that Emily and Richard (to a slightly lesser degree) were hugely emotionally and mentally abusive to Lorelei. It also amazes me that Emily constantly criticizes Laurelei's parenting, but sings Rory's praises, never acknowledging that Lorelei is the one who raised Rory. And yes, Emily in the reboot is amazing! I love that scene in the DAR! 😂😂😂 I also like that, given the opportunity to marry another man who's part of their social circle and basically continue her life as it was, she decides against it.

[@OcyTaviAh]

Honestly, I do agree with most of your points. Emily is an incredibly well written and portrayed character. But I think you were actually far too kind to her in describing how she was as a mother. Emily is undoubtedly emotionally and mentally abusive. She is so focused on the presentation of her family that she cannot see how she's damaging her family. It is a really accurate representation of an abusive parental relationship and how it's almost impossible to completely cut the ties, although Lorelai does a great job in distancing herself and looking after herself pre-series. Recent depictions of similar relationships are often all sorted out in the end, with apologies and bridge building and neatly wrapped up. I personally like how messy Emily and Lorelai's relationship is because of how accurate it is to how these relationships work. The show does a great job showing the complexities of their dynamics. I do have an issue with how the show often seems to depict Lorelai as unreasonable for wanting to distance herself from her parents, because this is an entirely reasonable and actually extremely brave thing to do. The show has a lot of biases that they creep into it and it's not always the best (such as the shows not so subtle pro-life stance and the idea that all successful women must have children...) I love this show but I also have many complaints.

[@VioletEmerald]

Agree with your comment so much

[@ariellesarinafirestone7823]

Nah I don’t think she’s abusive.

[@Okkkkkkk-ol5kz]

Kelly Bishop is just incredible in this role. The writing of the show is brilliant but Kelly adds more depth and realness in just one look that can’t be transcribed on paper. She is Emily Gilmore. No one else could do her justice.

[@AVintageJoy]

100% I can’t picture anyone else as Emily! Also for being as nice as she is in real life, that alone shows how amazing she was! I need to see her on marvelous ms. Mazel. Have you seen her on that yet? I’m sure she’s just as good!!

[@Ella-rx2vm]

Emily was a history major at Smith, one of the Seven Sisters - it's mentioned at some point. Emily and Richard went to college in the 60s before women were admitted to Yale (in 1969).

[@AVintageJoy]

Thanks for the clarification! I've realized after I posted this from comments, but seriously thanks! I'm glad I know that now! I appreciate it

[@Ella-rx2vm]

@@AVintageJoy You're welcome :) It doesn't really make that much of a difference to what you were saying, she definitely went to a college where mostly wealthy girls went back then and she was mixing with people from Yale. Back then they would have these parties and events, specifically so that girls from the Seven Sisters could meet "eligible bachelors" from Yale, Harvard etc.

[@barelygrace5341]

I love your Gilmore Girls analysis videos.

[@AVintageJoy]

Thank you so much! It's so fun to hang with Gilmore Girls fans and discuss the show! I'm planning a cozy aesthetics video and then I'm thinking I might start talking about the Gilmore Guys! We'll see which video comes out first, I'm not sure yet! :)

[@feadogmhor5170]

Binging your videos right now ☺️ while very little is known about Emily’s upbringing, I feel like her family was at least somewhat wealthy. Maybe they were “new money”, thus considered inferior by “old money” like the Gilmores. I mean, she goes to college despite in my opinion never planning to use her degree, and she talks about the invitations to her 21st birthday party being adorned with real pearls. As for being a mom, maybe it’s not necessarily what she wanted, but rather what is expected of her.

[@AVintageJoy]

I could totally see all of what you said. It's crazy to think, but I think it's something like 50+% of people don't end up using their actual college degree in real life, but I think you're totally right in that she went to college because it what was expected of her. I also agree that she probably felt like she had to become a mom, I like seeing her grow in the reboot and we do see times where she loves Lorelai and Rory, but I wish we would have seen motherhood make her love her daughter more, but it feels like to me she had more expectations and what Lorelai "should" have done than really like learning who Lorelai is and creating that relationship with her. I'm glad you're binging! Let me know what you think!

[@feadogmhor5170]

@@AVintageJoy now, after watching the episode “Love and War and Snow” again, I feel like Emily was probably the one to follow the path that her parents imagined for her. Her sister Hopie, who is never mentioned again, could have been more rebellious, moving to Paris and what not. I could see Emily experienceing (or constantly being told by the parents) what it’s like to have no money and to behave and do what’s asked of her. Maybe the time in college only served the purpose of allowing her to of course be educated, but also, and maybe primarily, to meet suitable men. And in a way I feel like she must have been ok with living the life of a wife and mum. Doing things that weren’t necessarily her ideas but getting to live a very comfortable life with a man she loves seemed to be okay for her. That said I kind of see how Emily’s and Lorelai’s relationship was doomed in a way. Emily grew up in a generation, where marriage was pretty much the end all be all for a woman, Lorelai grew up in a time where women could have careers and be unmarried. Lorelai even once said that her father was a very “by the book person” and so was Emily. So for them to understand their daughter who went against everything they believed in/ that was instilled in them by their parents would not have been logical. Especially since both of them were probably brought up by equally dutiful and diligent, maybe not so much loving, parents.

[@katielarsen2630]

Yes I remember in one episode she says that she was a history major but she always planned on being a wife and not a historian. I like how in the revival she does work as a historian, in some sense, when she works at the cape cod whaling museum. Emily reminds me a LOT of my grandma. Our relationship has been a little strained since I changed my religion and married someone without a college degree (sound familiar lol)

[@Iamjustherek]

I feel like Emily was of that generation where women were expected to go to college specifically to find a husband

[@nrdunan]

I often wondered, was Emily’s background & upbringing a reflection of the kind of mother she became. For instance, was her own mom emotionally unavailable & unaffectionate/warm? Was she raised to go to college and marry a wealthy man, etc… I wish they would’ve dived a bit into her past life. Therefore maybe we could’ve understood her better. Not saying her emotional abuse would be excused. Just possibly understood.

[@Esh486]

Emily is quite a character. It's hard for me to connect to her because I'm a super warm and fuzzy person 😂 Plus I don't get the whole needing to do what's proper, and how important the family name is, but that world is beyond me in general. I can't even imagine living in a house with maids, let alone treat them so horribly. I do think she really loves her girls, but she doesn't know how to express it and show it in the way the girls need it. She's also super controlling and I just wouldn't be able to cope with a person like this. I think she secretly would have loved to have a relationship with Lor like the one Rory has with her mom. It especially broke my heart how Emily treated Lorelai the morning after they spent time together after Richard came home from the hospital, and Lorelai told her that it's over with Chris and explained to her how to do stuff on the computer etc.

[@AVintageJoy]

Ohhh "but she doesn't know how to express it and show it in the way the girls need it." Wow that's 100% true!! That's the perfect way to phrase it. Yeah it's like she glitches and has to go back to what's propper, like you said. Also I can literally not imagine having a maid either! That's such a different world to try to understand and see the reasons behind why she does what she does!

[@jessicamckay0514]

Emily went to Smith. It is one of the 7 sisters colleges. In Emily's time these were all girl schools that were considered companions to the Ivy League(i.e. sister schools).

[@claudiatoddwebb]

I adore Emily, she is my favorite Gilmore girl of the 3 (or 4, can’t forget Gran / Trix). I always agreed with her on large decisions, life choices and reasonings being the way she was, with a hard exception of anything Christopher / Lorelai. Not to mention, all of the best scenes and moments featured her-the big Friday night dinner fight, her confronting Shira Huntzburger, all of the Trix episodes, etc… Thanks for making this video! Your GG analysis videos are great. You should do Rory’s and Lorelai’s boyfriends in the future!

[@AVintageJoy]

The Shira and Emily scene is one of my top Gilmore Girls scenes overall! It's just a perfect scene! I've been thinking about that. I'm thinking of maybe doing a Gilmore Guys one, but I like the idea of giving each guy more time if I split them up in the Boyfriends categories!

[@claudiatoddwebb]

@@AVintageJoy Definitely! A deep dive on Logan, especially, would be fascinating. A lot of stuff to dig into because of his father I feel like…their relationship reminds me a little of Lorelai and Emily.

[@AVintageJoy]

@@claudiatoddwebb Offf to talk through Mitchum and Logan, I'm going to need a lot of coffee 😂😂😅

[@SpiritedSoul1986]

@@AVintageJoy Mitchum was a diiiick. 😂😂😂 A brutal asshole, but the way Emily tore into his wife calling her a gold digging trophy wife and everything else had me dyingggg.😭😭😭💀💀💀

[@AVintageJoy]

@@SpiritedSoul1986 Yeah he was super super harsh and so brutal in his expectations of Logan and the family in general. I agree, it still is pretty funny Emily and Shira in that scene. It's so easy to see that Emily truly does love Richard, and Shira picked Mitchum for a very specific social reason.

[@youre_mine]

As someone who doesn't like Emily because she's toxic, manipulative, took advantage of Rory's people pleaser personality, and controlling. She loves her husband and kid and grandkid, but she picks favorites. It's Rory over her own daughter.

[@vjaeger177]

Binge watching these videos right now! So good! Is there a Paris video coming?

[@AVintageJoy]

Thank you so much!! Yeah I'm planning on doing most of the characters for sure! I'm thinking of doing a Gilmore Boyfriends video next. Those will probably also be divided up by Lorelai & Rory's Boyfriends since I have so many thoughts lol

[@vjaeger177]

@@AVintageJoy I love that! Can’t wait :)

[@Cminorputitincminor]

As a parent, I prefer Emily to Richard. Richard has sweet moments and he’s charming and I feel like everybody likes him more. But I think he is a great deal worse than Emily, as far as being a parent. Emily’s motivations behind her manipulation of Lorelai and Rory (making them go to Friday night dinners if she’s going to give them money) had one principal thing in common: to be more involved in their lives. A lot of her anger and upset was about Lorelai leaving her. Richard, meanwhile, in the episode where Straub and Francine come to dinner, makes it very clear to Lorelai that he didn’t defend her because he cares but because of his status, which to me shows that he doesn’t truly care about Lorelai. A complete contrast to Emily forcing Chris to leave during Chris and Lorelai’s confrontation, despite Emily liking Chris and wanting them to get together. She isn’t perfect, I promise that I know that. I’m just using Richard as a comparison point and examining her motivations, I do not think she went about showing her care and love of Lorelai in healthy way. But in MY opinion, I don’t truly believe that Richard even cares.

[@AVintageJoy]

I agree that Richard saying that to Lorelai was so hurtful, and damaging to the relationship. I think he has great moments too like the end of the series and his last scene, and when he helps Lorelai with stuff for the inn, but I personally think it is easy to see that he connected with Rory in a way he never seemed to connect to Lorelai. I think he does love both girls, but I wish he had more good moments of him and Lorelai. I agree that Emily definitely has flaws, but I think she does love the girls too ,and really wants to spend time with them. Also, we do see her glitch when Rory brings her to the Independence inn, which Rory had no idea she was bringing up past hurts, she was just showing her grandma where she grew up.

[@Lanaxparillaxwife]

Nah Richard was kinda worst cuz he was very absent etc during her life

[@lizzieg1319]

Thank you for the video! I think what bothers me the most between Lorelai and Emily is Lorelai invites Emily back into her life without setting specific rules or boundaries for herself to avoid the same pitfalls they were in before. She knows her mother’s flaws and faults but continues to blame her for them. I think a healthier mentality would have been to invite Rory’s grandparents into their lives on her terms, and forget about Ivy League and Chilton (bc honestly, did it help Rory?). Made for a great plot line though

[@karenayers7283]

Emily’s story in the reboot was the best story. I related to her

[@AVintageJoy]

Agreed! It was my favorite by far! It was so good!!

[@oc2538]

I don't think Emily would have wanted to help Rory if she wasn't the missed potential of her daughter. Emily got a do over with Rory. I genuinely feel like Emily drove her daughter away. Yes, was Lorelai ungrateful for her up bringing but her mom needed to step back sooner and realize she's gonna lose her daughter by trying to make her be something she is not. As a mom, I get the frustration when you want them to do something or try harder but if they don't want it you cannot force them. It becomes abuse if you do.

[@AVintageJoy]

I think she definitely saw Rory as a second chance for all the things that Lorelai rejected in regards to Emily's world. I think Emily would have still helped Rory because she was her granddaughter, but I definitely think you're right that Emily felt like she got a do over with Rory!

[@arshianair400]

Emily actually went to Smith College! I was just watching the episode where Lorelai tells her about her and Chris getting divorced (s7) and Emily says that she was a history major at Smith :)

[@AVintageJoy]

Yes!! I somehow totally forgot that when I filmed this! You’re so right! She totally went to smith!

[@rilesywilesy2920]

I don't think Emily went to Yale. She got a degree in History at Smith.

[@AVintageJoy]

Yeah agreed! I didn’t realize that at the time of filming this! I feel like I’m the last to have learned that lol…oops! Oh well, it happens lol

[@Iamjustherek]

I love Emily’s character, she’s so complex and rich in depth. She (and Richard) are absolutely abusive to Lorelei and even Rory eventually but her humanity shows through time and time again. She’s real and her interactions with the people around her are real and her motivations makes sense and are consistent with everything we’re shown about her. Honestly, I’ve gotta give so much props to Kelly Bishop because she really brings Emily to life.

[@phillipproctor2479]

This was so interesting I wish it were longer

[@AVintageJoy]

Aw thanks!! I've got a Rory and a Lorelai one so far...and some others. Trying to figure out who is next! Also, half way have done the gilmore guys of both Rory and Lorelai, not full videos of each, but still some thoughts! :)

[@barelygrace5341]

Emily didn't go to Yale. It wasn't coed at that time. She went to Smith.

[@AVintageJoy]

Oh my word! How are you so smart! How did I not think to google that?! It went coed in 1968 and Lorelai was born in 1968, so in order for Emily to have gradated and then gotten married and then pregnant you're 100% right! Wow! I'm so impressed

[@jamesfarquhar7547]

I thought it was Vassar but I know she has a history degree

[@lauriecarson6483]

@@jamesfarquhar7547 it was Smith

[@michaelamoran6381]

The Huntberg did not like Rory because she wanted to work for a living and she was not born in wedlock.

[@myheart715]

Me getting a flashback to when Emily went behind Lor's back to call Christopher. Then took Lor on a lunch with "no hidden agenda" but actually was pressuring Lor to get back with Chris just to look like a picture-perfect family and be socially acceptable. Lor pushes back and literally tells Emily CHRIS' GF IS PREGNANT ... and Emily's response was "women give birth all the time whatev 🤷‍♀but its more important that you and Chris get back together and look presentable and not embarrass me"

[@AVintageJoy]

Offff yeah! That was such a poor mom move! Totally agree! Bad flashback!

[@gabi2real]

emily is enneagram 2, SO2 to be specific. they’re similar to 1s bc they’re usually perfectionist and cold.

[@lemondrizzlecake7766]

Emily is my top favourite character in GG. I don't remember if she was back when I first watches as a small teen, but she's firmly my favourite now. Which I realise is probably at least part of the reason why I loved the reboot, lol. She is a great, complex character, and Kelly Bishop plays her wonderfully. She wouldn't necessarily be a nice person irl to hang out with, although she's not like _evil_ or anything. In so many ways she reminds me of my grandmothers, and I love her very very much. Emily-heavy episodes are always good episodes.

[@AVintageJoy]

Agreed! Emily is by far my favorite character in the reboot!!

[@danielmace69]

you’re so right about emily-heavy episodes being the best! she really drives gg forward. episodes without her feel like filler. it’s not a good gg episode without ALL of the gilmore girls

[@nathanielperigo4660]

i like the intent on a lot of the things emily does and says, its just the way she goes about it that rubs me the wrong way. shes still in my top 3 characters, but sometimes her scenes are hard to watch for me

[@AVintageJoy]

Yeah some of her scenes are so heartbreaking! I do love her as a character though! Especially the reboot, she's my favorite by far!

[@SpiritedSoul1986]

The more I watched it, the more I thought nope, not at all. Yes, she appears to have always been accustomed to living a life of luxury and continuing to live that same lifestyle upon marrying Richard. However, she as a mother, was only doing what most people from older generations were taught to do. Carry on the traditions that were passed down because she believed it was the proper thing to do. Most from the lifestyle of rich families often believe that if you have money, you're set for life to live a happy lifestyle. As most of us from younger generations are aware of though, money doesn't buy happiness. A lot of people from older generations were taught that the man works while the woman stays home and takes care of the children, housework (if they're not rich and don't have maids and housekeepers to do it for them) This is actually toxic and controlling behavior. I could go on and on forever but I won't. The point is all humans should be treated as just that humans. They shouldn't be looked down on for having different values, beliefs, views, etc. I go off about how older generations lived all the time, it's an issue. Lol

[@malloryweeks3306]

Emily’s character is very interesting. I don’t particularly like her character because of how controlling I feel like she is. She loves Lorelei and Rory but she doesn’t really know how to express it. I don’t think she was wrong in wanting to have dinner with Lorelei and Rory. She keeps bringing up the fact that Lorelei got pregnant at sixteen and “threw her life away”. Yes getting pregnant at sixteen is a big deal but she worked hard for everything she had. She worked from the bottom up. I think it was wrong for Lorelei to completely shut out Rory from her grandparents, just because you have a bad relationship with your parents doesn’t mean Rory has to not get to know them. Despite their flaws they didn’t deserve to get shut out from their lives. I could keep going but I will leave it at this. I hope this made sense

[@AVintageJoy]

I 100% agree! Emily is a hard one to talk about because there are so many aspects. I totally agree that while Emily was constantly bringing up to Lorelai that she got pregnant at 16, it wasn't right for Lorelai to shut Rory off from them for so long. I'm glad we came into the show when we did and we got to see that relationship grow! Also I completely agree that Emily really doesn't know how to express love and potentially is even confused as to what a healthy mother daughter relationship looks like. I wish in the show we had gotten to learn more about Emily's childhood or at least seen a parent of hers or something so that we would have more to go off of and know more about the "why" being a mother is such a up and down for her. Thank you for your thoughts, I think you said them so well!

[@malloryweeks3306]

@@AVintageJoy thank you. In the episode when Rory and Lorelei had stopped talking and Emily and Richard let her stay in the pool house, Emily is definitely too much. It’s one thing to wake her up at a certain time but then she was also telling her what to where during the DAR events. Rory was very selfish to have left the way she did. She left when no-one was around and didn’t say thank you or good bye. I love that episode where they found out how the huntzburgers or however you spell their name. She tells the mother how she is a gold digger and how Mitchum is still messing around. That was my absolute favorite Emily scene.I think she talks about having a sister in a episode in the beginning season. Cinnamons wake or something. I agree though that they should give more of a backstory with Emily

[@WVislandia]

I think the way Lorelai 'works' as a person is that she needed the space to figure out what to do with a baby and with her life and the only way she could make that happen was to not let her parents into their lives. But one of the positives, for me, at the end is how Lorelai tells her mother that she has gotten used to the weekly dinners - and that could only happen if her mother and father basically made it a condition of their help. To me, when she says that, she basically is saying, 'okay, I've changed and now I can live with you both in my life at least for dinner.' Part of why I think this has happened is because she has learned to see that her mother was given a very restrictive set of 'rules' that she must follow as a woman - and Emily was not the only woman who had these given to them - we as females in some societies have moved on, thankfully, but Emily only saw Lorelai's situation in terms of those rules'. I feel really sorry for Emily for the times in the series when she is so near tears because those 'rules' gave her no space to be anything outside of them - I think she found them so hard at times and yet it was all she had, like her role as 'Richard's wife'. To me, that is a big take-away lesson from the series - women once had these restrictive 'rules' for what they could and could not do, and even those women sometimes saw the harm to them within that set of restrictions - I wonder whether Emily's controlling characteristics is the only way that she knows, that those 'rules' are the only measuring stick she has, so everyone else must be measured by them. Thanks for helping me thinking of these things as I think through the analyses and comments you have given us.

[@malloryweeks3306]

@@WVislandia I liked that Emily had a mother daughter relationship with Lorelei. She understood what was appropriate to share with her daughter and what wasn’t, and that you couldn’t always be friends with your child. As much as I love Lorelei and Rory’s relationship they were best friends first and mother and daughter last. While you should be friends with your kids sometimes you need to have boundaries with them and they rarely had any boundaries

[@josefk7437]

The show would have been more interesting from Emily and Richard's point of view.

[@jenbialek]

Emily went to Smith not Yale

[@SugarCookiePlaysAdoptMe]

Both women have very different love languages and neither want to learn the other.

[@AVintageJoy]

Very True! And when they do try to learn each others it is so messy and doesn't really end well truthfully

[@zeenkosis]

Emily as daughter in law is a mess😂

[@AVintageJoy]

True! But I will say, Trix clearly didn't like her so it must not have been easy to have her for a mother in law! The drama lol

[@audreymasseyrush3020]

Emily was not a villain. She was a product of the times she was born and upbringing.

[@AVintageJoy]

I don’t think she’s a villain either. I would say mainly she’s a career wife and is very focused on the “Gilmore name”

[@Lanaxparillaxwife]

Emily was one of the worst characters ever & I will never understand how anyone can like/love her

[@AVintageJoy]

Aw yeah I can totally see why you aren’t a fan! I still like her overall, but also I do have lots of issues with her and her relationships for sure! Did you watch AYITL? What did you think after watching it?

[@zaynab99]

maturing is realizing that emily was the hero the whole time.

[@AVintageJoy]

Personally I don't know if I would specifically say hero myself, but definitely not a villain and more than even that a very realistic and complexly written female character which I'm here for!

[@lauriecarson6483]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sjc1737]

Maturing is realizing that no character is evil or perfect.