Levels of Health for Enneagram Type NINE - Part 1

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Ohhhhhh😫😫😫it’s like you described my father after my mother passing 😭Just unreal! Thank you 🙏👏🌸

[@sabellmer]

I think we keep the happy stuff to ourselves because we don't want to take the chance that someone will rain on our parade and make us feel less happy about what has excited us.

[@Orthodoxology]

Sandy Bellmer this is absolutely why I don’t share my joys

[@alanmaness5309]

I you choose to point out the unhealthy aspects of a 9 or any type, I also think it's important and helpful to offer skills, right action, or other healthy practices that that type can incorporate in their life and practice as all types can strive to be their healthiest. It's just that some don't know the skill sets or practices. So, I would find it more helpful if after pointing the low side of type behavior, then suggest skills or practices for that type so if they choose, can bring healthy change.

[@kassiopeia1232]

You've just explained the deterioration of a friendship I had with a 9, of whom I thought I had a deep connection with. To the t. In the end I felt rejected and thought he was lying to me and being nice to me just to get me off his back. This was painful to listen to, but very very insightful. Thanks!

[@kencarter7813]

Your videos are so insightful and helpful. Your comment here about "Nines are minimizers by nature" really resonates with me. I always joke that my wife (ESFJ, 1w2) makes mountains out of mole hills and I (INFP, 9w1) make mole hills out of mountains. Ideally, we balance each other out, but in reality, of course, not always the case. I try to remind myself to fight against that tendency of "under-reacting," since I don't want to realize later that I neglected a problem that really required my attention/action.

[@mallollo]

Hi Jennifer! Thanks again for your valuable vision on type 9 (it is really obvious that you know them - us - well). I'm "glad" you highlighted all the point about homeostasis, the growing self-concentration and avoidingness of type 9 when entering the less healthy stages. This is very central to us: it is already so difficult to handle our own agenda and find our onw inner peace that others' agendas can be considered as osbtacles, so we end up focusing only on inner peace and how to achieve it by our own. This is why also it can be difficult to go back up in healthier levels: we have disconnected from the others - and oneself (first emotionnally and mentally - finally physically) trying to find inner peace. But inner peace can ony be found connecting again to oneself and the others ingenuinely... About procrastination: never forget that a problem can sometimes solve itself if you let it aside long time enough :D As a 9, it is worth try that way (why bother about a problem if you can not do it). I understand quite well the divergence between 6 and 9 on that point, and I can guarantee that it is also difficult for us 9s to deal with 6s anticipating problems that don't even exist yet (!) - my dad is a 6, I've experienced this situation maaany times. I think that the "truth" is in between, and with a mix with 3: being able to define which are the "real" potential problems and act on them quickly, but not create mentally very hypothetical problems that will overwhelm you nor minimizing important issues to be found to finally have to deal (and minimize) its consequences... About minimizing, my situation at home is very funny - my husband and I are both 9s. Last winter we had a water leak in our bedroom (we live in a cavehouse and it came after long heavy rains, directly from the ground - quite a natural process). We had to get up every 3 hours to empty the floor for several days, and we couldn't find any -easy- solution to this, so we just got glad to have an inside pool (wouldn't say jacuzzy because the water was freezing) and living so funny experiences. We haven't solved the problem yet, but this winter has been much dryer untill now, so it's ok :D (... and stop laughing!...) I will stop here for now, this is a really long comment, and I might have other ones in mind to share another time... Good luck with all your current projects!

[@AvonaStar]

Hmm, well I really liked it and quite a bit of it hit some cords with me. One thing I wanted to note however is that, throughout your video, there're a lot of little jabs like 9s are pretending or lying to others. Personally as a 9, like any ethical human being, I always strive to tell the truth and wouldn't intentionally pretend or mislead others. It seems to me that the things you mention are actually some sort of delusion or defense mechanism in the 9's mind and not intentional.

[@surosstorm]

I think the 9 she knows most is married to a really difficult person that has to tolerate a lot.

[@lindseydurtschi411]

@@surosstorm Damn 😂😂😂

[@alexlee9297]

I kinda felt attacked listening to this (it's very true tho)

[@ashleyching3166]

As a 4, I can totally relate to 9's unhealthy levels.

[@SteppingStonevlogs]

Good video that is well worth watching and listening to. Thanks

[@verasmith9544]

My oldest child is 50 & the youngest is 35 & they will tell you I have never lied to them - not even when they were children. No Santa & no Easter Bunny. If I don't want to talk to someone about something I just say I don't want to talk about it. And yes - I am a 9. Wing 1

[@lorirees4248]

Type 9 here - screen time - yes. Mostly stating on the internet all day - self-development mainly and advice columns. Cutting people off - I don’t contact people because I am not sure if they want to hang out. Minimizing problems - as type 9s there is a knowing that most “problems” in life aren’t problems at all.

[@jvc8947]

Unhealthy 9. It’s a cycle. CPTSD and severe SAD. I spend Spring and Summer climbing out of a hole just to fall back to the bottom by October. I’m not as bad as the chair crapper, (7.5ish) but I get to the point that any sensory stuff will overwhelm me and I have trouble sorting out words when people are talking to be. I just want to isolate and I’m already numb. I have decades of experience in my self and I know spring will come. I consider myself blessed that it’s not a 100% thing.

[@chelseastudebaker2973]

J EV my mom is a 2 but has had both CPTSD and SAD(the sad is better now). I’m a nine and praying and hoping for you. Hang in there ❤️

[@lorirees4248]

Also as a type 9 there is an armor - the reason we don’t share positive or negative feelings is because that may bring up too many emotions and that may cause others to react negatively. Not only do type 9s have serenity they want to appear serene even if they are in anxiety. They want to appear as calm and that nothing ruffles their feathers. I am a calm person by nature. I’m not anxious a lot but when I am I don’t want others to know it.

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

My therapist: tries to get me out of the state where I'm convinced that nothing I do makes a difference. Me: *crickets* A youtube video about the Enneagram: tells me that this is a common occurrence in type 9's at a level 6 of psychological health, and that there are five more states that exist that are healthier than this. Me: ohh I was mistaken, I bet what I do does make a difference

[@PenandBlade]

I pray that man found peace.... 😥💜❤️

[@dharmabum8549]

So I’m pretty new to the gram. Learned my type. Hoping I’m not mis-typed. Then I learn healthy 3 unhealthy 6. Then I learn my truck-type. Now I have to learn all of this. 😳 The levels are a little confusing. We aren’t talking types here just different levels. I’m easily a level 6 right now.

[@hannahjonas182]

I’m completely surprised that you didn’t mention how unhealthy 9s can be completely unwilling to admit negative aspects of themselves to the point of narcissism. Most 9s aren’t really that lazy in the physical sense (something you put a lot of emphasis on), but they are completely asleep to themselves. The most unhealthy 9s I know aren’t “inactive”. They are people who have a normal degree of physical activity but are absurdly deluded about who they are and in denial about how much they are constantly being influenced by their surroundings. 9s are the ones who will tell themselves everything they do is fine.

[@87BSkelly]

I just took an enneagram test and got 98% for a 9 and 97% for a 1. I feel like the type 9 description read like something that was generally undesirable. I also feel like the 1 is really conflicting with this personality type and I do feel a lot of inner conflict. It's almost paralyzing sometimes. Does anyone else feel this way? There are also aspects I just don't feel I have. I definitely don't identify with being a minimizer. I tend to magnify problems and make contingency plans on contigency plans and exhaust myself. I DO definitely have a problem with expressing my true feelings if they'll create conflict. ANYWAYS this was a really helpful and insightful video. I'm hoping to find some info on personalities on the cusp of two.

[@shannonscully1203]

what enneagram type do you think Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games) and Tris (Divergent) are?

[@joeldanei5563]

Thank you

[@adamsmith4195]

I was so into this video and then she would look at her notes...

[@user-nr7wu1pr6x]

Great video, I have a question about 9s and ownership of blame. I understand all 9s are different and using generalizations is always dangerous. I was married to a type 9 for 6 years. I’m a type 3 who has been unhealthy at times focusing on perfection and other typical type 3 shame issues/drive. I now understand pressure that I put on my type 9 ex-spouse and how much a 9 hates that. Our marriage/relationship was great for many years.. during this time I was applying the pressure that as a type 3 I find normal, not fearing conflict, but to a 9 i now understand it was overwhelming.. eventually I felt a sense of aloneness and loss that I could not place, I just know I felt alone which pushed me toward devolving into a type 9 state where I was unable/unwilling to have discussion about the loss I was feeling. My type 9 spouse would placate me often telling me things that there was no real intention to do and eventually say things that I now recognize were to “shut me up”. Eventually I think my 9 wife moved into a type 6 space and the anger became assigning blame for our problems. This eventually led to divorce and most of the blame being placed upon me. the neglect and disconnection that a 9 can use as a defense mechanism can be extremely hurtful and damaging to relationships and to those around them. What makes it worse is the fact that this is harm caused by inaction and not action so it can appear as though the 9 “didn’t do anything wrong”.. my question is as 9s don’t like to feel, can they ever go beyond that hiding and realize the harm that their disconnection and neglecting others causes and own their part And apologize?

[@hunterkarr]

Great comment. I’m a 9 and I think it depends on the relationship but through understanding the enneagram I’m trying to be more present to my family. I am afraid it will be an uphill battle and may never be great but I am thankful for the insight that the enneagram offers. I think perhaps your understanding the core issues of a 9 could facilitate a working relationship. My son is a 3 and we have a nice relationship.

[@user-nr7wu1pr6x]

hunter karr thanks for the reply. Question for you as a 9. I always hear about detachment, or not feeling as a 9. What does that feel like, are you simply able to just turn off feelings and negative thoughts and just go into an idle state until you want to return. I just can’t conceptually understand this. I feel like the withdrawal is likely a desire for peace our autonomy but in the end the best way to obtain those things is to address the conflict/issue and get past it.

[@hunterkarr]

@@user-nr7wu1pr6x Haha, Yes and yes. I keep hearing how 4's 5's and 9's are 'withdrawn types' and it's one of those things that's painfully true. I think it's similar to the idea of 'introversion', but maybe it's different with 9's? And yes, issues need to be dealt with eventually, but the way i kind of think about it is kind of like how a car has a clutch to disconnect the engine from the driveshaft when the car is not moving; which is necessary because the engine would stop if the car was at a standstill with the engine engaged. I think 9's learn to do that really well: I wouldn't say for (at least for me) it's not feeling or cutting myself off from emotions, but more like postponing or holding my emotions inside, unexpressed, until there's a better time to deal with them. Or maybe put a more positive way, 9's have the ability to prioritize what they need in a way that enables them to 'bend' or let things go that don't seem to be worth the trouble for the sake of something or someone else. We are genuine peacemakers who can truly subjugate our needs (almost pathologically so) for the "good" (some interpretation required there, haha) of the group, or relationship. So back to your question, it's a lot easier to constantly do that type of thing if you tend to be a bit 'withdrawn' and keep to your self. Conflict avoidance is the goal...

[@AshleyChing-c3o]

Most at L4

[@tarar297]

I think my type 9 son is in the unhealthy level 5/6 most days. So sad. He's 10. He's really clammed up since leaving the innocence of childhood. He doesn't like himself. 😥 (We're a very loving/healthy family fyi) I think he just needs to conquer this coming of age transformation stage. Idk

[@MostlyCloudy]

Spot. The. Fuck. On.

[@jiitkha]

The description of unhealthy 9 is so pitiful it hurts

[@stanskavronsky6821]

Where the hell you have so much 9s I'm packing my bags)

[@MrFireman164]

Sounds like separation or divorce is in your future, you came across very irritated about 9s even to the point of mentioning cockroaches 🪳. Pretty harsh, your 6 is very strong you might need to move more towards 9 🙃

[@paisleyjane9606]

I can't hear you anymore. I think the f-bomb damaged my hearing.

[@RandomPerson28337]

you look better without those glasses