LGR - The Kristal - DOS PC Game Review

[@rmd251]

"I think this section of the game was supposed to be fun" is the greatest piece of writing in game criticism ever.

[@alteredstates927]

Ah, Sir Drancis Frake. I remember him from my History classes, along with Parco Molo.

[@martinkratochvil8488]

Oh yes, they were both introduced right next to my favourite explorers, Merdinand Fagellan and........Christopher Columbus

[@planescaped]

@@martinkratochvil8488 Christopher Columbus? I think you might be mistaken friend.

[@E5rael]

@@planescaped Must have been talking about Costopher Chrilumbus. :/

[@bigstupidgrin]

Hope this game has Mractice Pode (I'm stretching this aren't I?)

[@ProfessorYana]

Leave us not forget Yalvin Ork, Maudie Urphy, and Tharry Lorne!

[@Crusader1089]

Just looking at this game made me go "I bet this was originally designed for Amiga" and sure enough, it was. It's just got that... British designed Amiga feel. It's hard to explain but it just reeks of the design language of the Amiga and Atari ST in Britain in the late 80s.

[@oz_jones]

It really does

[@Absquatula]

'Skringles' is the best name for a currency I've ever heard...

[@Kingofturves]

I'm so glad that point and click adventure games switched to just using the 'talk to' action and gave you a list of options you could ask. Trying to think of what to write was just waay too confusing back when I was a child. I liked the idea, but the gameplay was rather difficult.

[@tinasavage6139]

I thought Fissionchips was highly amusing. then again I was 13 years old at the time. thanks for the review

[@magma2050]

I was given this game in the 90's by someone who didn't want it any more - I never really got anywhere with it. I do seem to remember solving the mystery of what "Flow" was, and why everyone kept telling me to "Go with the flow". Some shady character somewhere offered to sell me some "Flow", leading me to believe that it was some kind of narcotic that everyone was on.

[@Leonharts911]

magma2050 lmao

[@DrCandyStriper]

That makes almost a little too much sense considering how out there the rest of the game is.

[@Machtyn]

They thanked George Lucas and Steven Spielberg for ... "keeping away". I don't think those two had to try very hard to stay away.

[@LGR]

@seandewar5 Hehe, yeah there are some awesome moments with the dialogue in this one. I just wish the rest of the game matched its occasional witty banter!

[@pattyb1472]

"Fissionchip" I will never not think that is clever

[@jeffread6593]

I think The Kristal was based on a play the way Oblivion was based on a graphic novel. Hint: The graphic novel was never published and its creator really wanted to make a movie all along.

[@johnknight9150]

Going by the aesthetics and the look of the main character, I think the developers took inspiration from Zardoz, a weird indie film Sean Connery was in.

[@Mystere1985]

And probably Flash Gordon too.

[@JoystickVersusMachine]

Holy crap. Compared to this, the amiga version almost seems like a masterpiece... Almost. It's impressive that they managed to keep the intro with just the pc speaker.

[@LGR]

@rpmmelby It was going to be last month, leading up to Duke Nukem Forever's release. But then the game got delayed again and I got too depressed! I'll still review the games sometime...

[@buzzpl0x645]

hallo

[@LGR]

@PituDitu It does have a lot of that classic, campy sci-fi vibe and for that it's awesome. But compared to the other campy sci-fi games Cinemaware released that actually DO feel like an interactive movie, it sucks. Glad you enjoyed the review!

[@K0DeX]

"Galagher wearing a homo-erotic wolverine costume.." I laughed so hard I had to pause the video to gather my shit. By the time you referred to him as "Wolvergalagher", I'd completely lost it. Thanks for the laughs, LGR!

[@trentonfowler4169]

"They couldn't act their way out of a furniture-outlet commercial"

[@TheHabitman]

That dude looks like Tony Iomni during the 70's.

[@shaitet]

More like Geezer Butler tbh.

[@karlslicher8520]

Is the speech at the title screen voiced by Sir Patrick Moore?

[@ianhowardmusic2507]

+Karl Slicher I thought the same and looked it up. Yep it's the GamesMaster himself, Sir Patrick Moore.

[@LWolf12]

+Karl Slicher I thought it sounded familiar.

[@legofanguyvid]

We need just the recording of that...

[@warehouselead]

Matrick Poore

[@AFXGuru]

Yes it is

[@MrBuch169169]

I don't know why the play never became a thing. The protagonist is named Dancis Frake, for crying out loud.

[@Objectorbit]

I know, right? God.

[@tobiasbanks3743]

I think I found the play: soundcloud.com/rodneywyatt/sets/the-kristal-of-konos

[@bpsokal]

@@tobiasbanks3743 oh my God.

[@sijcalv]

it was set up with elaine paige and patrick moore and a few others, cant remember if it ever played. i will ask rodney, he developed it and wrote the play with a guy calked mike sutin.

[@hercufles]

this game is one of the few games that hasnt got a lets play

[@legofanguyvid]

Same

[@Orbrun]

what is the same??

[@legofanguyvid]

Orbrun it means yes or I agree with you.

[@Orbrun]

***** same :p

[@sovereignviper]

no, it doesn't mean "yes or I agree with you" lmfao - it means "same here" and it is not the appropriate response to a general statement such as "this is the only game that doesn't have a let's play"

[@LGR]

@DatabaseGeek Can't say I've ever played it, but I will certainly give it a try and see what it's about!

[@applemask]

I had this game, because it was one of the few games that was ever sold in B-Wise. My experience was identical to Mr. Clint Basinger's. What's happening at any time? What am I supposed to be doing? And why? I'd love to see the play script, just to find out what the fuck the story was supposed to be.

[@Stier19812002]

You need to free the princess out of the hands of Lotarr, Redhead and another bad guy the name I cannot remember. The problem is is you dont ask the guy "Gloop" you meet randomly the question "What are you doing?" you will never know of that. He gives you an invitation and you go to the palace. I found that out after one year of playing. There you meet the king, his advisor and the princess which is later on kidnapped. But dont think the game becomes more logic afterwards.

[@LGR]

I'd highly recommend Ancient DOS Games. He only posts them on blip.tv, so just go to his website (pixelships[dot]com/adg)

[@roads7018]

4:25 I can't help but stare at the "R" trying to figure out why nobody fixed it.. Everything else at least looks like letters..

[@sirknight4981]

the Kpistal, lol!

[@LGR]

@MrShot97 I realized after I'd already made the video I forgot to make that complaint. :) It looks like hi-res EGA, making heavy use of dithering. But it is technically VGA. The Amiga and Atari ST versions look great in comparison.

[@gooseguse]

I cannot! "...you are greeted with a lie." It's said SO nonchalantly!

[@austinbaccus]

gooseguse, that part made me laugh too!

[@erikrounds]

This was a weird game. I remember trying to unsuccessfully figure it out how to play it on the Amiga.

[@peytonpdx]

Ha. My home page is set to wikipedia's Random Page. Today, /wiki/The_Kristal popped up and I landed on your review. Good work, and I'm glad to see you're still doing these.

[@DouglasRRenoVideoGameReviews]

That sounds very impressive for the PC speaker man!

[@CaptPostmod]

Your DOS reviews make me miss my Amiga.

[@bobdobbs8250]

Wolvergalager is not bad, so I would suggest Galgerine

[@U014B]

Bob Dobbs That sounds like either an STD or an off-brand mouthwash. ...or both.

[@absalomdraconis]

Mouthwash.

[@LGR]

@Lvl22nerd Yeah, I've gained about 195 pounds since I was born. A real tragedy, thanks for pointing it out!

[@starofjustice1]

Just in case anyone out there might be curious about playing this, a walkthrough for it DOES exist: you have to get the book Quest for Clues III.

[@alishaisnotaface]

You have to admit it's kinda good for the way his hair bounces with every step.

[@JarlFrank]

The graphics are pretty damn cool, even though the gameplay seems severely lacking.

[@LGR]

@huhabab Ha, there is a sort of mid-1990s Romero vibe going on with that cover.

[@stockicide]

That art is gorgeous! ...shame about the gameplay.

[@zarrg5611]

That seems to be a common theme for retro adventure games.

[@m1rock]

Too bad the guy on the box didn't have an epic mustache like the guy in the game. It would have sold way more copies.

[@lukemas1981]

The guy doing the narration is sir Patrick Moore , or at least sounds like him anyway.

[@michaelhall6178]

It was indeed Patrick Moore!

[@Noone-of-your-Business]

You think _American_ consumers get belittling and condescending packaging? Look at German movie title translations, and you will feel proud of that little bit of cheese in your box art. We have to endure much higher levels of cringe on a daily basis...

[@hannibalburgers477]

Yeah. I am not German, and even i knew that your movie titles sucks.

[@IxwhitechapelxI]

could you review Sid Meier's Pirates?

[@thomaspaine4670]

I'm so glad to find out that furniture commercials are the same everywhere.

[@chinnalasha5556]

You are seriously my favorite youtuber!

[@Stier19812002]

If you collect more than 100 strenght you can pass the executions chamber. There is Redhead then, a pirate who cooperates with Lotarr who kidnapped the princess you met in the King's palace. After you finished him in a swords fight you get to a prince whose name I forgot who challanges you for a pchic duel. This was, where I always died. Although I foud out many things more than you, everything is still unclear.

[@endofthelinejoel]

I like that you give bad games a fair tryout. And that you give reasons why they suck instead of just saying "it sucks".

[@stevethepocket]

I don't think I've ever seen a game that uses 640×200 mode before. Also that Fissionchips logo could give most modern metal bands a run for its money in the unreadability department.

[@meursault7030]

Only person on youtube I've come across that pronounces Giger correctly.

[@RustyR3volva]

I never finished this game as a kid, we had the same box art here in Australia. Ahhh I miss the IBM286

[@binkbonkbones3402]

Those sound bites are like eavesdropping on a b29 pilots conversations with his team

[@j.d.6915]

This is the oddest VGA color scheme I've seen. It reminds me of the Tandy 16 color scheme with some EGA mixed in. It definitely isn't 320x200 at 256 colors (or it didn't take advantage of the 256 colors or resolution). Was it just an EGA mode that was ported to VGA?

[@stunheart]

Higher resolution than 320cx20. Definitely.

[@henrikhyrup3995]

@@stunheart I think it's 640x200 (might be 240) with an EGA colour palette. My guess is that it has 64 colours, but only 16 can be shown simultaneously.

[@PropaneTreeFiddy]

The puppets in Team America. Couldn't have explained it better myself.

[@Soitisisit]

Honestly? It doesn't look that bad. I guess this is one of those things where the gameplay really kills it. And well, that does happen. It looks pretty funny and campy and the graphics seem quite excellent really. Too bad it's not actually that much fun apparently. Maybe it'd be well suited to a reboot if someone felt up to doing so? Or just some sort of hack or patch.

[@SailorRoseRed]

Don't mind me I am just watching older LGR videos on a binge

[@JadenYukifan28]

Wow..."The Kristal Kronikles", very creative....

[@ironchef3500]

Never heard actual dialogue from the pc speaker, sweet!

[@LGR]

@shaurz Or Mortal Kombat fans... perhaps the MK kreators were Kristal fans? Ha, K's in place of C's, how silly.

[@misterblobbys]

I loved this game. I couldn't get past the first planet. But still I loved it. God only knows why

[@RustyR3volva]

I remember this game. We (in Australia) had the same box art as the American Version... I couldn't figure how to play it when I was a kid...

[@KennethSorling]

I just found this game on cassette on my national version of Ebay. I shudder to think how bad the 8-bit version of this would be.

[@matthewbaumann630]

What was the old fighting game with a land shark?

[@TheRetroGamerGuy]

Another excellent review here Phreak!

[@THEONLYGORE]

going back to these old videos your voice slowly became full Duke Nukem :D

[@legofanguyvid]

Is there a video of this play or even the script?

[@TheHairyDizz]

Your pizza analogy, was beautiful.

[@Pozorrogo]

That sounds like the voices in my head O.o And thats the FIRST THING I thought when I saw the guy, that he looks exactly like Ghallager. If smashing watermelons are involved in this game then I'm sold.

[@aaronmicalowe]

When paying programmers with weed and letting them design on the way, was an option.

[@GameHammerCG]

That voice! It’s Sir Patrick Moore, aka The Games Master!!

[@Flackon]

Was the information in the manual actually wrong or just wrong as applied to the DOS version?

[@yigilantis]

hi LGR, great video clarifying another mystery from Dos era. Can you make a review for an old western game named "Colorado"? I am sure you know that game. It was interesting and hard to understand when I was a kid. still don't know what the main objectives were. You would do a great favor for your fans, dude.

[@juliusraben3526]

With games like this... just record your end time. Post it to a forum and congratulations, you are a world record speedrunner

[@georgeoldsterd8994]

Wait, what was that intro just now? Obviously it was Duke3D, but a custom map?

[@captaincrazyhat]

speaking of duke nukem when the heck are they ever going to finish that game? I have the thing to play it before it is officially released through steam thing but its not like that does any good because it keeps getting pushed back

[@U014B]

This video pretty much sums up how I feel about Zelda II.

[@miked4377]

is that doug hennning on the screen?wow the magic gig must have fell through..

[@MrsTold]

A slightly homoerotic Wolverine costume? ...so just a normal Wolverine costume?

[@SvenneTheBlockhead]

@phreakindee Try running it in DOSBox and take a screenshot. This way you can find out which screen res it's using.

[@XxzoundsxX]

Nice analogy.

[@MisterEclipse96]

What is the 4th wall?

[@1-eye-willy]

"You are met with, a lie" Clint i freaking love you man

[@anyth11ng_]

That's a brilliant idea, sir and/or madam. Thanks for that.

[@CnCBonkers]

I think the sword fight scenes were meant for much slower PCs like a 286 (I'm assuming you're running this on DosBox with standard settings).

[@NewEonOrchestra]

Sim Copter music in the background? Love it.

[@Yusuke_Denton]

In the manual: "Chocolate Skringles?"

[@TheBeardedFrogSage]

Ahh, Cinemaware... the LJN of PC gaming... only they made good games. This looks more like an Ocean game, and Ocean was the true LJN of PC gaming.

[@johntrevy1]

This is VGA mode??

[@tahustvedt]

I would have loved this in the 80's if I had it.

[@CharlesVanNoland]

DANCIS, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!!!

[@jevans189]

Part of me misses wishes I grew up during this time period of gaming and other parts of me are glad I was born later.

[@gavinc74]

From 2011 and still getting likes 👍

[@HeilEvilCupCake]

what category does this kind of game fall under?

[@Highretrogamelord]

Dancis Frake sounds like "Dancing is Fake". :P Anyways, to bad to see that the game isn't good...let's hope the next ones you will review are better. :}

[@ichigokarasu]

Haha I totally thought "muscle-bound Keanu" looked more like Ed Helms and Will from Will & Grace's lovechild

[@adil538]

12 years... Holy cow!

[@hovnaruvraj]

This intro should return.

[@thetoecutterr]

why is it that you saying "NOPE" sounds so awesome!?!?!

[@NihilQuest]

It looks much better on Amiga but still I didn't knew what to do in this game.

[@sijcalv]

I tested this game before release.

[@ThatWolfWithShades]

How did you make the Duke Nukem intro?

[@LGR]

@malevolenceXXXensues Seriously. It sounds like a mix of Pringles and Skittles. Which is disgusting.

[@ThePeakIsNeverPassed]

This kinda' looks a little like the 'Hugo' games. You ever play those? They were so great.