SHUT DOWN The Narcissist With THESE 20 KEY PHRASES (Disarm The Narcissist Today)| Lisa Romano

[@patriciacarroll3681]

Very helpful!!!Thank you so much. I thought many times that I had married my mother lol. And it is so true that there ARE ways to handle the situation . VERY GOOD... LOVE AND LIGHT TO YOU. I HOPE U KNOW WHAT A SERVICE YOU PROVIDE. 😍

[@lindasharpe7039]

Wow, I thought I had married my dad.

[@briandoherty1909]

Hell no you keep it moving ❤️✌️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@quadaar1017]

This is so good Thank you Thank you Thank you

[@camisnyder3460]

Wow me too!!! My mom is a Narc and then I ended up w a Narc husband😣

[@dayondastribling5080]

I'm 71. We only are old when we become brittle and can't make changes that benefit us.

[@farahmahrinnivrita9948]

Dealing with a narcissist is like dealing with the devil itself.

[@farahmahrinnivrita9948]

@@gabrielle-AVFloyd These people are wolf in sheep's clothing. Too much Evil to deal with.

[@tywannadockery8851]

Yes indeed!

[@cakessoosweet6131]

Wow.... I say this every time he opens his mouth... I should plaque that and put it on my wall...

[@merncat3384]

@@cakessoosweet6131 did you ever see the video here on YT called *Narcissistic Abuse Documentary* ? The descriptions are spot on.

[@cakessoosweet6131]

@@merncat3384 Thanks... will definitely check it out...

[@beverlymarshall7245]

Thank you for these videos. Now my life is starting to make sense. 72 isn't too old to learn to stand up for myself.

[@brookescott9598]

At 68 I hear you and know what you mean.. Hard at this age to finally become aware. Hard to make decisions for the future. I have tried the boundary approach with no changes of treatment so I gave those up. I feel like I am in an ocean alone. Still working on it... Gray rocking didn't work either. He mocks it, smirks and says "Oh you're so perfect that you won't even talk" Good luck, dear one.

[@laurieduncan6096]

Bless you.

[@judyjones6304]

He doesn’t like silence. The smirk looks like a devil.

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

Bless your heart. I'm 65 and had 33 yrs marriage to the bad end of narcissism. There is hope for us. God saves & restores.🛐✝️👆📖😎🤙🌄 Hawai''i is paradise again.

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

@@brookescott9598 I am 65 with 33 yrs married to emotionally and physically abusive in our younger days. The mental & emotional bully is worse. After years of Churches & praying with Bible reading. In the end after I woke up planned my escape. He got so bad I baracaded the door & called police. Please get help. Call DV shelter. Better to share a space & begin again even at this age. If you can't leave consult with lawyer & find out your options. Will pray for your release from living hell.🛐✝️👆📖😎🤙🌄

[@barbaraheliodora-yogaterap7692]

The worst thing to realize my father is a narcissist was to see the disdain in his face when he humiliated me, the satisfaction he felt and how great he thought he was when he made me cry. It was a long run from being manipulated to grey rock. This channel helped me understand him and care for myself. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@Kelli5555]

“Are you saying I need permission to feel my feelings?” This one is my go to!! ❤

[@TigerLilyNo13]

My favorite line: “I’m not here to meet your expectations” LOL

[@sharanramdial9498]

LoL 🤣 she's pissed off 😂

[@julieericksen4688]

That’s perfect!!! Thank you!

[@GrandmaCathy]

That is WAY more polite than mine.

[@achillessonofsparta6824]

@@sinmore11 How is this so? 🤨

[@Ainaes-Feline]

Achilles Son of Sparta Hmm, sounds as if Sinmore started College sometime this year and has become pretentious in his/her vocabulary in order to bedazzle us with an intelligent observation and convey thoughts with a sentence that makes no sense whatsoever. If anything OP’s quote is slightly passive-aggressive. It doesn’t leave room for debate or running commentary. Concise and brief therefore once again no room for comebacks and expository such as ”why you are defect on every level?” Which you want when in any form of relationship with a narcissist.

[@DailyDoseFromAmber]

Exactly he doesnt want to be self aware and hates being made to feel guilty. Its been a hell of a ride

[@ireneposti6813]

My husband used to call me “Stupid, go back to school “ I learned from my Therapist not to react to his insult. One day when he called me stupid I started laughing, he asked me what the heck are you laughing at. I told him if I was stupid you are more stupid cause you married a stupid woman. He was stunned and didn’t utter a word. He passed away two years ago and I’m not looking for a relationship bc I’m afraid I go for the wrong man. I’m pretty sure my mom was narsasistic as well.

[@nancylasavath5992]

I stopped explaining or defending myself to the narc because is going nowhere, like talking to a toddler. Wasting time and energy 🙄

[@audrablue515]

I agree. If you run into the narc after you've healed and you know you'll be in their company for a little while, the best thing is to act mildly amused by their antics and just agree with everything they say, whether it's about the sky being blue, or you being a biyatch to them in the past. Even if everything the say is a lie just agree. It will mess with their heads something shocking. Especially if you're attitude is a casual one and what they're saying about you to your face is nasty and untruthful. Agreeing with their negative assessment of you to their face and then acting like it's funny, will make them crazy. If they can't get under your skin, they become irrelevant and they hate that.

[@hollievega4259]

I did the same i decided best to just be completely silent and let go and good for you

[@angelp9065]

Preach

[@tonibutts8828]

@@hollievega4259 Amen.

[@christinamorin1914]

exactly

[@JenniferKristin888]

Another good one to say to a narcissist is, “Well the fact that you disagree with me doesn’t make what I said any less true.” 😱

[@MsKGC]

THIS PART RIGHT HERE!!! They get stuck and thn silently pissed and want to end the conversation right there.

[@womensarmycorpsveteran2904]

Good one. I have a co worker who has targeted me.

[@reflectivemuse1223]

Ooh. I like this one.

[@reflectivemuse1223]

@@womensarmycorpsveteran2904 A narcissistic personality loves to play cruel psychological games. Beware the energy draining effect they can have on you.

[@Lifeishard237]

Oooo that would silence anyone honestly lol

[@frequentj1]

'You are entitled to your flawed perception of me.' Amen. I needed to hear that.

[@DeepDivingDiva333]

I love that 🤍

[@MaryAnneRosato]

Wish I'd had that phrase to use with my former narc.

[@LAila-qf4ww]

Hahahaaaa

[@Ashdaesq]

The best one

[@mariankeller5852]

I used to tell my ex .." your entitled to your opinion.... .even if your wrong"

[@alibertylover]

Here is my favorite line I use : Hey it's your world, I'm just visiting" 😄 temporarily, that is.

[@triplekids3]

Good one!

[@Sandra-mq1nb]

Love it❤

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

🤣🤣🤣

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

I am so using this! Thx!

[@endswithme555]

love this!!

[@SydMountaineer]

I think it's important for people to not only write these phrases down, but to regularly speak them aloud in a neutral tone of voice, practice them, put them in our memory - because we need them committed to memory when we're thrown off and not on top of our game, as narcissists like to drain us when we're at a disadvantage, like when we're sick, tired, stressed, etc, we don't want to be at a loss for words when it really counts. All of us have regretted not being "witty" at the time, only thinking of what we should've said much later, when it's too late, and being what these phrases can prevent, it's important to be able to remember them when they're greatly needed and when we're compromised. When we're in fight or flight mode, it's difficult to say the right thing.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Absolutely right..

[@ChannellRajal]

Yes so true, thank you for this comment and great idea

[@kalanibambisaksager3620]

Narcicists would love to see this video just to learn how to deal with enemies.. but sadly they will never find This video cause they dont believe anythings wrong with them😂

[@emmabarnett3594]

True True! X

[@jennestes5494]

You’re completely wrong we’re watching taking notes got a whole room Of us here right here we’re taking notes. Laughing and taking notes on how counselors are teaching people to manipulate people that are Trying to heal. Good job counselor

[@SaraNolteDesign]

@UCPgFnzbKdcp6tLNTvT2TAKA Yep, like Mr. Halliday above, continuing to abuse his spouse who left him, narcissist's are are evil poisonous humans.

[@lindasharpe7039]

@@SaraNolteDesign Ooh wow

[@merncat3384]

@@SaraNolteDesign you are right! I can't believe that guy had the audacity to attack her in the comment section of a KZbin video!! THAT proves how difficult it is to get from away from a Narcissist.. they are relentless.

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

It's not just the narcissists, it's their flying monkeys! All those ones who willingly go along with their smears. Narcs would not be as successful if there were not so many who go along with their smear campaigns or help them to isolate or attack their victim. And not just them, but also the ones who may not get involved but are willing to look the other way. It's rare for anyone to stand up to the ringleader. It happens in families, at work, at school, in church... everywhere.

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

The ex-narc whined to Flying monkey and that monkey hit the back of my hand hard with one knuckle telling me to "behave". Now if a monkey comes they will be sent flying.

[@SP-li7wn]

California Police commonly perjure and abuse victims of wealthy narcissists who buy off the California DoJ

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

@@SP-li7wn Vety sad but true.🙏✝️👆😎🤙

[@mandy9775]

Nicely put 🙌

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

@@sharonfoy3797 it's like they all read from the same playbook!

[@anduelaismaili6168]

"You are entitled to your perception of me" "I am not responsible for your perception" "Your anger is your anger, and I am not responsible for your anger" "I am permitted to have my own experience and it's okay to have different opinions" "We will have to agree to disagree" 1. Let's get back to the subject in the matter 2. Let's try not to bring up the past, let's just talk about this. 3. Let's refrain from the name calling 4. I don't have to stay here and listen to someone who disrespect me 5. There's no need to get defensive Key phrases posed as questions 1. Are you saying I need your permission to feel my feelings? 2. Are you suggesting that I need permission to experience my reality? 3. Are you saying your reality is more valid than mine? 4. Are you suggesting that the only perception/the only reality that matters is yours? 5. Are you suggesting that your feelings are more valid than mine?

[@SydMountaineer]

Thank You! I was just saying that people should write these out and memorize them, as it's helpful to know them when you're in a stressful situation. Thanks a lot, you made it easier for everyone by typing them out.

[@earthgoddess4779]

Thank you

[@iesika7387]

Any one of these statements or questions would have gotten me beaten up if i had ever tried to say any of them. He'd have answered yes to any of those questions without seeing any problem with that. Of course the narcissist thinks their feelings are more valid?

[@debb4598]

Commit these to memory!

[@lauriej.5706]

@@iesika7387 Same here. My mother once did the very thing .many times she was loudly criticizing me for doing just once when I was very young. So why was it OK for her to do it but not me? When I asked her that question, she flew into a rage and screamed, " Do you DARE compare yourself to ME?!!!!!"

[@Juliewright6912]

If you are trying to disarm a narcissist, you are still under their control. No contact is the only way to go.

[@nickisnyder3450]

Absolutely if that's an option. They are still out there & we have to deal with them on jobs, in the family......This info is also very helpful for those co parenting with a narcissist after divorce.

[@JJ-iq8mi]

Not all narcs are romantic partners - could be work colleagues that you can't go no contact with. Reduced contact perhaps.

[@jacquelineraczka7329]

Even then it can be hard Especially if they stalk you

[@reflectivemuse1223]

@Julie Wright You are completely correct. When a person IS a narcissist and doesn't like you, they even employ psychological transference and projection of who and what they are onto the person they dislike the most. "Keep my name out of your mouth." (Response: Please do the same.) That's unworkable because this person has used my "legal" name since 1994. She was trying to escape from a place where she was a "whistle blower" (or rat in many circles). She moved into this building six months after I did. The social security administration changed my name because of other people who were already using it, including her. Now there are more accounts in my name at the bank that got into trouble for it before. The social AND name must be different from mine. Watch. Someone will read what I wrote and get mad again. It isn't me stalking any of the people using a wide variety of alterations of my name; it is law enforcement from city to state to federal to Interpol. I know. I have been scrutinized repeatedly for forty-three years.

[@silvastian]

Make them fear you and nervous around you

[@Karina_Engr]

8:52 phrases to avoid the conversation -"You're entitled to your faulty perception of me." "I'm not responsible for your reality of me, or the situation." -"Your anger is your anger, and Im sorry you are angry, but im not responsible of your experiences of the situation. " -"I'm committed to having my own experience, and I'm ok with the fact we disagree." -"We're just going to have to agree to disagree." 18:03 Phrases to say to stay on-point -"Let's (Can we) get back to the subject at hand." -"Let's try not to bring up the past, and resolve the issue at hand." -"Let's refrain from name-calling and let's see if we can stay on point." -"I don't have to stand here and talk to someone who disrespects me." -"I'm feeling disrespected, and I don't think I want engage in this conversation anymore." -"There is no need to get defensive. I simply want to resolve this issue with you." 29:46 Phrases posed at questions -"Are you saying I need permission from someone to feel my feelings?" (my rxn, Daaaaaaayum!!! 🤯🤣) -"Are you saying I need permission to have my own reality/experience?" -"Are you saying your reality/experience is more valid than mine?" -"Are you suggesting that the only experience/reality/perspective in this dynamic is yours?" -"Are you suggesting your feelings are more valid than mine?" (I love this one too!) 44:46 Phrases to use on a Narc. Mother(or any relationship) -"I would rather talk about what's realistically my responsibility, and what's YOUR responsibility. Can we do that without you guilt-tripping me?" FOG-Fear Obligation Guilt -"Guilting me, isn't going to get me to behave the way YOU want me to." (my rxn, Boom!) -"I dont guilt you, to get you to do what I want you to do, so please don't guilt me." -"It is sad to know how often you try to guilt me into submission." -"I'm entitled to live as an adult, and trying to guilt me into doing what you want me to do isn't a healthy thing to do."

[@ZhanaZee]

Thanks love....she took tooo long to get to the point

[@saragirma6577]

Thank you Karina. Everyone needs this

[@ebonypinney2557]

That's what I'm doin now !!! Training dem to listen to me !!..

[@crystalderksen]

Thanks!

[@marite135]

Thanks so much Karina, this is all I was looking for in this video. Take care

[@Annie-pg9vw]

I have a narsassistic Mum & my childhood was hell. My first marriage brokedown because I was trying more to please my Mum than my husband. My ex partner as of today is a narsassistic person also. Im 60 & feel I've never really lived the life I wanted. Todays is the beginning of a new healthier life. I hope Im strong enough. 💜

[@deniselafavesmith1011]

I had a narcissistic mom and my childhood was so hellish, I married at 16 to get away from her. Sadly, married a narcissist. Was divorced at 19. Mom died 18 months ago. I set boundaries with her and my siblings about 2 years before she died. They basically disowned me. I have no relationship with my siblings. I am 61 and finally am free from them. I watch these videos to remain healthy when dealing with narcissists. Wishing you the best.

[@Annie-pg9vw]

@@deniselafavesmith1011 My heart goes out to you 💔 I know how difficult unjust and sad it all is. Its been ingrained since childhood & it affects me still. I hope you find peace 💞

[@michellewall6748]

Go Ann Marie! Live your life be free and be happy!

[@Annie-pg9vw]

@@michellewall6748 Thank you Im slowly breaking away. Thanks for the messsge. Xx

[@amandaholm6097]

I feel like that too... 😔

[@nickinurse6433]

Best phrase....you're right...I'm horrible....so you won't miss me when I'm gone. It's your lucky day I'm leaving.

[@georginaporter946]

Brilliant love this one. Am using this one next time he starts his BS

[@vanyakouveli3113]

That was really clever!!!

[@Ashdaesq]

I used this when I was leaving a narc business partner…he couldn’t even come back with anything when I asked him why he was so bent on having me stay if I was such a horrible Person like he said. Lol!!! What a weak ass

[@irenemorley75]

@@georginaporter946 Why ? Just leave.🙄

[@melissainvestigates9434]

I dealt with my narcissist for 16 years. I didn’t even realize how much I was manipulated until I was free of him. It was like a massive weight released off of me. I was totally exhausted but finally free.

[@davidhodgson5252]

I was total exhausted also she was so controling ! I finally broke free now Im recovering. Never again !

[@maximinoblas1171]

Good 4 u 👍 👌 🙆‍♂️

[@Luv4USA24]

🙌🏻

[@deborahgtucker]

Narcissist! Run for the hills! As you said,”It never ends”. Now that I’m free from their persecution, lying, abuse and lack of emotions, I am concentrating on my “ I “. Interesting subject, me that is.❤

[@emilyarellano5925]

if i ever tried to express my feeling of hurt and sadness, my narc would tell me i was playing games and causing drama

[@kimgotaway6264]

I bet the same narc also would use gaslighting tactics to make you feel crazy. I'm sorry you were dealing with such a person 😔

[@brighterdayjenn8579]

Did you ever say that to them in the past? If not someone had because I have learned in my narcissist experiences. When I think back about conversations/arguments he didn't seem to have one orginal thought.

[@lindsaycall6826]

100%

[@simonejensen3164]

Mine always tells me I’m playing with his emotions, or trying to manipulate his emotions. Especially when I tell him how he is making his son feel, he tells me I’m trying to manipulate his feelings

[@brighterdayjenn8579]

@@simonejensen3164 it doesn't really do any good giving constructive criticism to them. Towards the end of my relationship, I was able to get some answers that fit to certain issues, but never at the time of the situations. Anyways, what I had found out was that, all he hears during discussions is attacks. It's was just another excuse/game in the end, but it made sense to me. That in his head he can't be wrong and everything is someone else's fault, because they are not strong enough to work on theirselves to fix faults. They never reflect back on how can I make this better for everyone, just looking out for themselves. I had to learn to think like him when we interact. Its not easy either and if no one around you has experience this personally, they can never understand what you have been through.

[@catherinewholey3630]

Also there is never any need to explain yourself when you dont need to or want to. We have been trained to over explain so they get more supply as it makes them feel more powerful. Take back the power by keeping everything to a minimum, gray rock like a boss and where possible,disengage.

[@cyndigooch1162]

Catherine Wholey I'm finding it very difficult to stop explaining and do it regularly, because I tend to get criticised by so many people for minor things like going to my favourite coffee shop, or having bags of groceries. 🙁

[@kathyjensen1427]

They manipulate you into explaining your story further fooling you that they want to understand better and then they rudely flip you off when they had enough, with a condescending attitude! Makes one want to screem. 😫😤

[@jtg1465]

Kathy Jensen agreed. And if u can add to this, I fee like they are baiting us into “explaining” so that they not only can mock or devalue ya but also so that they have more “ammo” to weaponize against us as needed in the future.

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

And it gives them more info to use against us.

[@catherinewholey3630]

@@cyndigooch1162 Absolutely nobody has a right to tell you what to do and how to do it. I think a fear of the criticism makes us try to over explain so that we dont get hurt. This is what I found but I had to work really hard on my self esteem and boundaries. Its hard but try not to worry about what others think. You are your own boss and it doesnt matter if others disagree with what you want to do in your life. It really has nothing to do with them. Take care

[@steveyantis]

Thank you. so happy I found you

[@reginap942]

I had a solution for that....I took my dogs, grabbed my stuff and left!!! It worked!!! Wont change my current sutuation for nothing!

[@tomhalliday5675]

But your the narcissist, it's funny how I realize it's most certainly you because you placed within each thing that you grabbed (my)dogs,(my)stuff and left, but you didn't leave and your married so all of your property is actually jointly owned yet you refuse to acknowledge that because your massive sense of entitlement doesn't allow you to let others have anything even the items they purchase with money they earn but the money you earn is only yours because you've worked so much harder than everyone else. BTW your spelling is what tipped me off and your lack of using your married last name which BTW is yet another show of your need for control. I love you still but it just kills me noticing how you act as is im.the selfish ones when you can't even make a comment online without stating that our stuff is only yours. Doesnt bother me and I dont need to expose you or the fact that you didn't know the meaning of this word until you began to study it in order to try to disprove that I realized this about you. The truth is much heavier

[@nmedina7978]

If she would have said "I grabbed stuff", would that have meant she took the other person's belongings? We shouldn't mince words. I know a narcissist who makes a conclusion of one word. Maybe she said my stuff, my dogs because that's all that were hers. We really have to hear her whole story before coming to a conclusion. Good, that she got out of there before her mental and physical health would be at stake.

[@nancylivengood1581]

I took my horse, too. Don’t look back.

[@nancylivengood1581]

And if Tom wasn’t really a narcissist, why did he bother to write a reply to blame it on you? Thank G’d and Greyhound you’re gone.

[@faithwalker2287]

So funny that Tom Halliday went on this huge keyboard warrior tangent! And he spent all his time writing all that, insulting her spelling and the fool can’t even use correct grammar! 😂 He uses “your” in place of *you’re*. Oh my! 🤣 He’s on his smear campaign. Good thing she never responded. It shows who’s actually doing the antagonizing.

[@Andromeda_M31]

I've had a lifetime of trauma from narcissists. They are no longer allowed in my life, I don't care who they are. The only real exception is at work but I have realistic expectations and go gray rock immediately.

[@marren6323]

YES!

[@Jesus-loves-you-v2k]

After my experience with the ex narcissist and some introspection I’ve become aware of internal wounds that has allowed me to be susceptible to these types. I understand now many I’ve had around me over the years as well. It’s great we have the knowledge now to protect our well being.

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

Congrats, Andromeda! I hope I'll be this smart too in the near future!

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

I don't grey rock that well yet. 👏👏👏

[@barbarantia4621]

Amen!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@babyrenee6537]

No one can choose their parents. But recognizing that to be parented by a single narcissistic mother was to be parented by an immature (attention- seeking, self involved, manipulative, controlling, overgrown) *child* is HUGE and explains everything.. Thank you!

[@tombullard6167]

Same sabotaged Much of my life & followed her lead justifying my own self loathing & self sabotage... Sad they can't see or ever understand what loving yourself & showing love really is. Sucks & hurts never knowing parental love but that isn't something we can control... All we can control is loving ourselves :)

[@wendellignatin1228]

wow. They try to break you down so that they won't leave them. Thank you Lisa. That explains my mother, my uncle, my shrink, my fraternity and my high school principle.

[@wendellignatin1228]

Thank you so much Lisa. That was a true revelation. Very Inspirational. Nameste!

[@johnnydiscover2838]

Narcs suck, push them out of the work place, out of your home and life. Be around loving peaceful people who create a beautiful living environment 🥰peace and love everyone!!!😊❤️

[@susie9893]

Not always possible re work life but yeah when you can call the shots ABSOLUTELY

[@dtaylor5206]

Love and understanding is the only resolve. These are still people and you are no better, even worse really using phrases like love everyone but said Narcissists. Push them out of....what kind of insanity is that? Narcissist concentration camps. These are people with problems not a diagnosis.

[@ARedMagicMarker]

@@dtaylor5206 Push narcissists and their mess out with other narcissists. It doesn't have to be a camp, and you don't have to lock them in, but they can most certainly be funneled into one area due to their nature and others can start using carefully planned incentives and promises of "supply" to make it so. Just tag them and monitor them to make sure everyone knows who and what they are, and so others can avoid them. It's almost too easy. You do not "love" a narc, because not only are they incapable of this, and any other empathy, loving a narc is also one glaring thing: A HUGE WASTE OF TIME, RESOURCES, FEELINGS, AND ENERGY. I had one of these things as a mother. Narcs are a nightmare race, along with the other dark triads. The only people the deserve to "love" and understand them is each other. And the best part is? We all know what will happen if we were to place a bunch of narcs, sociopaths, and psychopaths in one confined area. Not pretty, but not everyone else's problem, and we won't have to do a thing to them. They'll take care of themselves, and that is legit an outcome that will be all on them due to their nature, and no other non dark triads to feed off of.

[@whiterose6806]

@@dtaylor5206 these "people with problems" eat your time and life and joy and happiness. So my solution is to take them out of my life, when i can.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

That sounds great, alright. It doesnt happen by just deciding. The impact happens even if you know its not ok

[@davidanderson8778]

I married two narcissists. I had to walk away from everyone. I sold everything I owned. I did this not even knowing what a narcissist was. Now I understand and I even am recognizing my own faults as well. We all are narcissists without God and I think that's what is really happening here.

[@NationalKarateInstituteSalem]

So true David, we are all selfish without God. Praise Jesus for your wonderful insight!😀

[@jessicatobias9371]

Yep every narcissist I've ever met didn't believe in God !

[@vanessarossi-sondgeroth8490]

My brother is a narcissistic bully, he bullied me and still bullies me, I refuse to be around him anymore! Thank you for this video!

[@dianeellis-mcroberts9376]

How does he STILL bully you? Ignore his hate speech. Your Ignoring him will drive him batshit crazy. Let him go. We get to choose our friends; AND, our "family "!!!

[@PR7-82]

It's good that you're sharing a non-romantic story because I had a narcissistic friend - same gender. Most people only talk about their lovers being narcissistic 🙄

[@superchuck3259]

@@PR7-82 I think the lovers can love bomb better. More effectively get in good, so to speak. Also friends, to get rid of a bad one, you don't need a judge!!!! Family that is bad for you, you need to find distance. Sometimes you come in contact with them and they are rude at things like funerals.

[@DeborahJeanMonkman]

Same.

[@dinabarake6829]

same here.

[@roaldajordaan146]

If you frequently have to deal with the same narcissist, expect them to use it against you. Next time you're legitimately upset over some bad behavior on their part, they'll just be like, "I'm sorry you feel angry but your anger is not my responsibility." They'll be on this strategy in a heartbeat.

[@ARedMagicMarker]

That's why you do not show emotion to these beasts. Move in silence. Treat them like lost-cause special-needs people. Because that's exactly what they are.

[@ChannellRajal]

Dude this is like advanced algebra in Latin to me, always has been no matter how hard I try. So I will thankfully start now to practice the advice given to me by you lovely people… grey rock, shutty-shutty, and not try to understand and engage with people who KEEP showing me(I’ve finally started to get the message lol), that they are committed to me losing no matter the game

[@danapinnix9260]

I was in the “fog” for way too long. Now I’m so worried that our son is taking on the same narcissistic traits. Please keep making these videos!

[@georginaporter946]

I know what you mean. I have similar fears for my 9 year old

[@marihgator]

Same here for my 11 year old son. 😔

[@monique10j]

And they will employ that fear of yours to hurt you. In the same way you get told not to react/respond to an online troll don't go down the rabbit hole for any narc.

[@maryross8903]

Me too!

[@viniciocrivello941]

@@georginaporter946 9 years old... doesn't matter if boy or girl.. children, if risen in a GOOD environment, and only exposed to positive things, will not develop these things. So there probably is someone in their life that is hurting them either emotionally or some other way. People are not born with these things. Even with a narcissistic parent... or grandparent or something, babies r not born with something unless it is a neurological thing. Like torretts, or autism. If he was premature or something he may be at a greater risk of developing some traits. But it could also be something he has seen somewhere and thought it looked tough or something.

[@Gllorious]

“Even if those words come out of their mouth, they’re not gonna mean it. It’s gonna happen again. It’s gonna happen again!” My narcissist figured out that saying sorry or “apologizing” was the best and fastest way to shut me up, so it eventually became their go-to thing when I wouldn’t just back down. I eventually got to the point (not until after multiple years in, unfortunately) where I would say “I don’t want your apologies. I want changed behavior.” I am a firm believer in the saying “an apology without changed behavior is just manipulation.”

[@courtneyd2928]

That is the exact response I give my husband when he apologizes to shutdown the communication.

[@feedthecatplease]

Correct! That has been my holden rule. Forgiveness is predicated on changed behavior. Good for you!

[@DON-qx2ik]

A confirmed narcissist is not a temporary condition a person goes through. Narcissistic behavior is a learned condition deeply rooted beginning in the early childhood of the person. Saying they're sorry - making temporary changes in their actions and even making changes in their thinking - is only temporary. A narcissist is not experiencing a temporary lapse in judgment, kindness, understanding, and/or any other normal human response. A narcissist allows kindness, truth, and honesty to be seen as part of their personality in order to keep you in their life. It is not possible for a narcissist to separate themselves from their narcissistic behavior without deep study, commitment, and usually some sort of professional help. They are being tormented on a level no one else can see. It's a deep deep torment that makes them (gives them a reason) lash out at others. Accepting a narcissist into your life - and keeping them once you know what they truly are - proves to them that you accept and approve of the occasional madness and mistreatment they'll dish out. Saying their sorry is the first thing they've learned in Narcissism 101. Sorry? Sorry to a narcissist means absolutely NOTHING. "Sorry", to a Narcissist, is simply a key to reopen the door next week or next month into the life of someone willing to let them explode or do emotional harm again.. You were taught to say "Sorry" when you make a mistake. A narcissist learns to say sorry whenever it allows them to get what they want - or to escape blame - or in some way, leave the door open to hurt someone again. (they don't see what they do as a matter of injuring the one they care about). It's part of their overall interaction in a relationship. Being a narcissist It's WHO THEY ARE - not what they do. Only help from a qualified professional will undo the deep-rooted reasons a narcissist is unafraid to be - willing and happy to be - hurtful and damaging to the people that accept them. What you see, is what you get. What your future children will get. It's the future comfort you'll experience. A narcissist is not the same as a man (or woman) whose determined, motivated, self-assured, and dedicated to making life successful in their own way. They are not people of strength - they are among the weakest of all individuals needing a punching bag that isn't able to fight back. (emotional or physical punching bag). They need help to deal with something they themselves may not even recognize. Professional help. They are absolute masters of manipulation and deception. You by yourself can never hope to love narcissism out of a tormented soul.

[@aziza2522]

@@DON-qx2ik Thank you so much for your comment! So indepth greatly appreciated.

[@cazqab]

Your lucky , no apologies after 36 years everything is still my fault

[@candicec5469]

My boyfriend literally called me 2/3rds into watching this video. I used some of the questions and phrases you lined out for us and I could literally hear his brain fizzing lol it's funny as much as it is sad because it just confirms my thoughts all along that his actions and words are not normal. Unfortunately, I'm in a low spot financially so I will have to quietly build a nest egg in order to leave, but that time will come. Thank you very much for these insights 💜

[@briandegnan815]

same

[@briandegnan815]

lol i'm even on my bfs youtube account

[@Acupofinspiration4u]

You can do it💪❤

[@charlesjohnson6917]

After 26 years. F it just give it away.

[@charlesjohnson6917]

After 26 years I just did it like the song. Just give it away their ant nothing in this house worth fighting over. I'm so tired of fighting anyway. Just give it away. And express how screwed up she is in the head. Messed with her bad. I can sleep with my self. I'm going to be ok with this. Now deal with how you feel about yourself. Because I will keep reminding her somehow.

[@zarrinklotzer1952]

I wish I could emphasize the sadness that I feel over just discovering you today. I have paid so much money, gone to marriage therapist, desperately looking for solutions to my marriage problems. I think instinctively I've wanted to protect my three daughters from my narcissist husband. I thought I could be strong. But truly 14 years and I'm exhausted. I just can't do it anymore. The idea that I might be able to teach my daughter's these phrases to stand up to their dad when I'm not around, gives me hope. I forgot how good hope feels. I have forgotten how to cry being so walled up. Thankyou

[@sarina965]

dear friend, if you can be THIS SPOT ON for an hour straight, you deserve your own stand up special on Netflix.

[@dinxpe6592]

Narcos?

[@Hispanicwoman]

Ted Talks

[@nmedina7978]

Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting! The blaming, the twisting of words, holding grudges. They see everyone's email having an alternative motive. If you do for them, you really didn't want to help them. You should know what they need and expect you to fill the need. They refuse help then say you don't want to help. You literally have to watch what words you use. With just one word in a sentence, they make up their own conclusions. They decide what you meant and don't want to hear any explanations. Don't even try to explain other people's intentions because it only makes them angrier, thinking you are defending the people that are against them. Playing the victim is what they do.

[@anaphylaxis2548]

Oh, I see you’ve met my sister. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@reflectivemuse1223]

A true narcissist says that last line. I know of nobody who "chooses" to play the victim. Yet many kindhearted empathic gentle souls are destroyed by the psychological repertoire of a narcissist.

[@karenedmondsonmoore7558]

9 out

[@v1ncemom617]

You just summed up my whole life right now...

[@alexsinclaire8894]

Sounds like one Donald trump doesn’t it?

[@francesbernard2445]

Working in retail was such an eye opener for me. Thanks Lisa for acknowledging that it is unrealistic to think that the others around us should all be readjusting to fulfill our own preconcieved notion expectations of them or to believe that we can control someone like that in reaction while believing we can in turn change them instead. The truth is no one gets to advanced old age without running into more than just a few narcissists who are more narcissistic than we are. You are so right Lisa. Learning how to respond to that kind of behavior towards us instead of reacting to their surprising and shocking behavior when they cross boundaries is key.

[@freebees5160]

".. Trying to get you to believe that you are responsible for how they see you"... mind blown!

[@Lee-ig8vr]

The truth!

[@loveandlight225]

I’m new to this. My parents had me so convinced I caused all the family problems and their rage. Was given your name by a therapist to learn about more. Thanks for holding my digital hand everyone. In this together!

[@debbievoss3496]

So cute, "holding my digital hand".

[@breezegeddes7854]

This is my Mom... 100%. It's been really hard on me especially since she doesn't value me as a grown-up.

[@erikaa3181]

“You are entitled to your faulty perception of me” and “Are you saying that I need permission to have my own reality “ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Those are my favourites! Thank you Lisa! I took notes because nobody wrote “Narcissists for dummies “ yet.

[@valerieteahan-tebby2440]

Ya that’s a great idea!

[@TL-ch1xd]

Unfortunately these kind of words have no effect on my father. He filters what he wants to hear and what he wants to answer. He just keeps talking over you and try to shut you down and put you down, also he becomes sarcastic and heckle you and laugh at you or scare you. It’s insane when I think of it, that I just until a few months back still let him be in my life ... and I am 37. I’ve had enough now and feel for the first time in many years like I can finally breath, stand steady with my feet on the ground and that I am not insane. With that said, I do appreciate these videos a lot and think that these kind of phrases are good - even if the narcissist refuses to listen to/hear them. Take care and stay safe from predators everyone!

[@TheMusicbabe101]

Would you be willing to send my the list of 20 sayings, please? I cant take notes and right now, but would love them written out.

[@TL-ch1xd]

@@TheMusicbabe101 Harsh reality: Just a waste of time and energy for you feeding a fake relationship with a nonexisting human without a soul that only feed from others by mirroring them and keep them in their dark world. Better not to engage. Cut ties, run and never look back. Don't engage with people like this, engaging is equal keeping them all alive and thriving by feeding from others hearts and souls. They ARE beyond repair. Every excuse is just a way for them to lure you back. They are parasites, excellent at - just when it is needed for them to not loose their psycho game play over a victim (empath, co-dependent) - look like lovable, poor humans with remorse and a heart. They don't exist as they are so good at make you as an empathic human believe, their true self doesn't exist they are only split personas working for the "parasite" - they prey and feed. You could just as well or rather would be better of having a fake/made up relationship with a robot that, instead of only deceiving you for their own benefits, treats you with respect and well.

[@ssboschky]

I did get through once with 'that is my feelings. They are not wrong as such. They exist because I exist'. The light bulbs went on but then they ran away lol

[@theedgeofoblivious]

I love "You're entitled to your faulty perception of me."

[@alexs6250]

so helpful! Good to keep in mind

[@misspeacchy]

I've never gotten that one, but I think I'd have difficulty not bursting into laughter.

[@onyxwelborne]

@@misspeacchy So? Nobody cares.

[@lynn1561]

I have 2 that are funny, even if you don't say them out loud. 1. Did you run out of your "little blue pills honey?" 2. When was your last "Or m?" Forgive me I offended anyone! I'm 74 y/young, & have been learning from Lisa for 2 years. Has saved my life!! Thank you!!

[@Richard-jq6mq]

Lisa, You have the amazing capacity to encapsulate in a short period of time what many therapist fail to accomplish in years of therapy sessions. Your mind, clarity and command of this condition are astounding. You are truly a 'gift' to legions of people who are involved with these types. They are 'life killers'

[@jasonodra9968]

I unintentionally came across this video and since I didn’t know anything about narcissism I let the video play. I feel like I’ve been blind my whole marriage and now I can see. Thank you for enlightening me and providing me with a path to salvation.

[@SydMountaineer]

Yes, I agree. She has a true understanding of all of this, because she has personal experience with it. Many, many, many psychiatrists and psychologists do not understand the terms they "learn" about in books, or by listening to patients. The best therapists or doctors have personal experience, and at the very least, if they do not have personal experience to really understand, they must be extremely empathetic to be able to imagine what patients are truly dealing with. It's the same as a doctor or nurse who has never had a particular illness, or who do not try hard to learn about that that illness actually causes and the needs of the patient. It all boils down to one thing: There are things that would never occur to someone who has never experienced it themselves.

[@TheKrazykraker14]

U can tell she’s really been there!

[@CherylLynn65]

Mine is a completely different person around others. Makes me the villain for showing Dr films I took of the crap, I got him black balled.

[@jpaul251]

It's very convenient for narcs who are hard of hearing. They have the luxury of one way conversation. The last thing they would ever agree to is a hearing test.

[@kkFloating]

What a coincidence, this is happening to me now. I am reaching out to this experience!

[@kkFloating]

My roommate is a hard of hearing narc. I recently retired and gave her a 60 day notice to move. She's still living in my home, citing code violations and got a lawyer. All I want is to retire happily, maybe remodel, take up golf, travel. She wont leave! Selective hearing has suddenly become a covid handicap.

[@sylviasebregts2427]

True. I fully agree.

[@shellyg5705]

K K I am so sorry you are going through that. I am going through the same thing with my sons father. He won’t leave. Feels entitled and makes my life hell.

[@markkrotchen8921]

@@shellyg5705 that's funny thanks

[@leahr9038]

Took me sooooo many years to not give a damn about asserting my own boundaries. I got FED UP! Now if someone is mad I won't do what they demand I do... I could not care less if I tried.

[@humanearthling4661]

After half a lifetime of trying everything in the book on how to deal with the narcissists in my life, (I was a Narcissist magnet for most of it.) , somewhere along the line I learned what to do about it. ( I don't even bother with the other 19 ways to shut down and disarm them) The best way of all is to DISENGAGE WITHOUT EXPLANATION. I never did explain why I'd suddenly become impossible to reach. Old friends I quietly disengaged from years ago still occasionally contact me and after a few visits, I see they are still up to their old tricks of needing my time to solve the problems of their lives. And they create so many problems in their lives, it's a full time job to satisfy their idea of friendship. So ...I thank God for the ID caller/answering service on my land line phone. Peace and tranquility to do the things I love to do and relate with those I love is my reward for being strong enough to disengage from such time wasters.

[@laurieduncan6096]

Human Earthling yes! They create their own problems because they must have drama in order to gain sympathy/empathy and attain narcissistic supply. Don’t engage! Best advice ever!!!

[@humanearthling4661]

@@laurieduncan6096 --- 👍

[@humanearthling4661]

@@laurieduncan6096 💝

[@ursamagickmt672]

After God and I got rid of all the narcs, I only had one child and one friend left. But that's enough! 🤗❤

[@StyleMavenFla]

That's what I did as well. Only thing that worked.

[@scorpiokitty9745]

It all boils down to one thing: you need to take their power away from them. Or rather, take their power over YOU away from them. Do not allow them-or anyone-to take your power away from you. It is yours, and only yours, to have.

[@Alex.W123]

Scorpio Kitty: Well said.

[@beaulieuonnp593]

exactly it is all about power, and get out before they gaslight you, put that phone down,

[@samanthadoyle8359]

@@lumity238 tell yourself in the mirror out loud in the morning " He doesn't deserve you, you're an amazing caring woman and things will get better". Love yourself and learn to be strong alone huni. Anything extra like friends and family is a bonus. Expect nothing from him and everything from yourself. Please stay positive it does get easier I PROMISE YOU. xoxoxo

[@superchuck3259]

@@lumity238 He wins every time. Watch the movie "War Games" the old one. It was great. "The only way to not lose the game is to not play!" Get some distance. Sorry you are in a radioactive relationship. Just get away and regroup.

[@JohnWick-ug6wx]

Exactly... Constantly remind yourself that they are clowns who have zero sensibility. They are emotionally retarded. The empath in me feels bad about the fact that they’re childhood must have been so ugly to have turned them into what they are....

[@SynchroDiaries]

For the uninitiated, be aware that calling out doesn’t work on the more hardcore narcissists. They just don’t care. To them, being called out just demonstrates the weakness of the person doing the calling out. It’s the victim’s fault for feeling guilty, put down, or scapegoated. The narc, however is never wrong.

[@RevdebraMiller]

Very dangerous indeed

[@Tehutli]

Yes! This. The narc then tells me I’m acting offended when I set my boundaries.

[@keishaalston2933]

Thank you. I needed to hear this 💖.. Blamed me for the things he did.. I moved on, not looking back.. "Victory is mine says the Lord".

[@marylawtoncostine9577]

So right hun spot on ☆

[@lexig4361]

Add to that…’Not today, SATAN!’

[@Hesetmefree1981]

Yes, Amen ❤

[@christyhardin9940]

Omggggy. I never knew why my boyfriend was so nice to me in the beginning but treats me like I'm nothing now. He has all the narssistic traits. Everyone of them. He acts like he hates me but don't want me to leave. Thank you so much for these videos you have helped me so much more than you know

[@pepita8289]

going through it now... i’m leaving:)

[@LeeLeeOuiOui]

You are his "fix". Cut him off cold turkey

[@christyhardin9940]

@@LeeLeeOuiOui I've tried. He's told everyone that I know a bunch of lies told them all that I was crazy and that I'm always accusing him of things when I don't they tell me he doesn't want to hear me talk or he won't read my messages I don't have time for me tells me that he's busy all day long texts me all the time asking me what I'm doing and where I'm at it makes me do video chat if he doesn't believe me. He calls me dumb and stupid

[@LeeLeeOuiOui]

Get out, however you have to to it 💚

[@argentblade126]

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Don't worry about what people think! Whoever is your true friend, will stay your friend. If they don't, they weren't your friends anyway. You'll get new and better ones. I wish you the very best!

[@danabaker996]

I feared the aggression and dominance of the narc, so I didn’t call him out on his guilt trips as I got closer to blocking and no contact. After a while, I didn’t want to defend or explain myself or try to reason with an unreasonable person who was a masterful liar and twister.

[@amie8286]

Yes!!!! “I can’t feel close to you when you say such nasty things to me”. This is everything!

[@gingerrogers2983]

I’m going through that now . Having a conversation with him is impossible.

[@ashleygraves8641]

Thank you. I dated a narcissist and he devalued, degraded, exploited, and had ways to affect me and my job. I caught him this morning with some woman and he called the cops on me. Just the look on his face displayed no empathy or remorse. All I could do was leave and cry. I cannot have a charge. I just wanted closure but it is best to just let it go and move on.

[@teresarenee3829]

The trash took itself out...good for you, consider yourself lucky.

[@diedrahelen1751]

Same. It happened two years ago. Three days before Christmas 🎄. So happy to be free. I’m just now starting to have good thoughts and memories about men. Those thoughts feel good. It I must honestly say, sadly, they are so foreign after being treated bad,y for so long by several narcissists; both siblings and romantic encounters.

[@leianagraves1145]

Yes

[@UnpopularOpinionByNkiruka]

Jesus deliver all the narcissistic people and heal their hearts, mind, and soul so they can stop hurting others bc of the hurt they have endured. Amen

[@amandalemos310]

Amen 🥺God bless you

[@cherylhaugh2474]

👃amen

[@levans3447]

Amen

[@4x4_Gal]

Amen! Thank you, Father God.

[@shakiramcgee2023]

Amen

[@coffeecat086]

I’m not sure how I ended up down this rabbit hole, but I fell asleep with KZbin on. I’m not sure what video it was playing but, I was dreaming that I was being taken from place to place to place like being passed from one person to another, and as these points were being spoken about it was being spoken in my dream. I have just now put this together after re-watching this video. It’s very highly interesting information and I am sorry for anyone who has had the misfortune of dealing with a narcissist. But holy cow! That caused some really interesting/weird dreams. And you just gave me an idea for a book that I should be writing. I’ve been looking for some inspiration. Thank you.

[@cynthiaestrada8318]

I told the narci that ÿou have no power over me. He broke down crying.

[@blancagutierrez3861]

😳😳😳

[@micho4646]

not today, satan :D

[@marieb797]

I did the same thing, they didn't cry, but they shut down. I never felt more powerful.

[@cordeaniaknox4158]

@@micho4646 amen

[@SuziBurkhardt]

Too many narcis in the world. They only value you you as long as you are useful to them. They’ll kick you to the curb in a heartbeat once they no longer need you.

[@ashjade86]

I would tell my ex, “Your response is your responsibility.” He hated and didn’t agree with that. To him, if he was upset in any way it was my fault. Love your hair btw

[@pencilsniper]

Haha I told my ex the other day that his feelings are not my problem, they aren't my fault unless I physically do something to you or say something to you that is offensive. And he didn't like it and still proceeded to say that it was my fault for how he felt and im like. Prove it.

[@d.l831]

Straight up!! I said the same thing… Holy he blew up. That was not OK with him! LOL got them off my back though😂

[@pinkiesue849]

@@Ainaes-Feline glad you & your son are doing fine.

[@jenh7417]

@@Ainaes-Feline Im very glad to hear that u are doing well and away from these assholes,but if ur still anorexic,,how is that having it under control? Or, do you mean that since its an addiction and pretty much a life long one that you're better but will always have to stay on top of it?

[@Ainaes-Feline]

Sue Elias Thank you, I deleted my post because I felt I talked too much and felt embarrassed. Happy New Year and stay safe.

[@dianasharonschenker7046]

I had a Narsisstic Mother, Sister, husbands, now Son and Daughter In Law. You key frases are very good....I nevr give up and I amn. healty

[@NYTruthseeker]

Brilliant: "are you saying I need your permission to feel my feelings?" Love that question!!! Thank you for a brilliant and most helpful video, Lisa!

[@tyanite1]

Will have to watch this in sections, because it's so distressingly sad to have to deal with people with these traits. This was posted only a few months ago, but there are already 1,612 comments. That's huge, massive response, representing a lot of people out there suffering.

[@opinionatedgen5893]

It’s scary. I view the world differently now.

[@kathrynb130]

@@opinionatedgen5893 don’t worry, many of them are narcissists looking to learn how they’re viewed and how to better manipulate by learning about these victim types. Or perhaps are covert narcissists thinking they’re not the problem, nope, it’d just that they attract narcissists…and then there’s people like me who have never encountered anyone to call a narcissist and find it fascinating and alien to agree with this outlook that there are all these narcissists among us.

[@dianehimelein5272]

omg I did grow up with an alcoholic, and I always choose narcissists as mates. The current one, I have gotten myself into a huge debt, to keep him happy. He is also an alcoholic, and he lets it be known that if his beer runs out he is going to be angry and lose his temper. I have been his sheep, and doing everything to please him. This video helps me see, so much clearer. Thank you.

[@lm2082]

I know a phrase that I started using "okay" to everything and act like you don't care.... just be in your own zone and focus on goals.

[@shannonwatts88]

Girl! I'm at that same point in my life....

I think Lisa's approach of confronting the problems will lessen the frequency and intensity in future behavior whereas just saying "okay" will do nothing in that regard and may simply trigger the narc to think more about ways to get your attention.

[@gabrielle-AVFloyd]

Thank you for your very wise advice, you nailed it! Exactly what I needed to hear today 🙏

[@tywannadockery8851]

Exactly!!

[@zlinares89]

I recently just reached this point where I say OK to keep the peace but then when I’m alone I can’t control my tears.

[@MaestroMaxim]

This is important because we feel the need to be understood but this is what the narcissist knows and further invalidates & disapproves of us to make this craving to be understood strong, while triggering a inner wound that can’t be fulfilled in this narcissist not showing empathy. Thank you 😉💯

[@marcincalus1022]

Here are facts narcissist are game playersdr jekyll is a facade not real mr hyde is the truth

[@marcincalus1022]

@Nia Bain here is truth dont explain anything to them about empathy they choose to behave as they are when you explain u explaining ur emition who doesnt care this is approach i call dr jekyll and mr ms hyde

[@uluvnic]

Nia Bain ugh! I got sucked in yesterday! Lol We had a brief interaction, but I shouldn’t have said anything. My mom texted me, I don’t understand what just happened. I’m confused. She’s always “confused!” That’s her go to word that allows her to change her story or backtrack.

[@marcincalus1022]

@@uluvnic i give u advice ok dont get too tangled in their story here what makes them tick they are really a dr jekyll and mr/ms hyde But learn what comes from mouth is dr jekyll and the behaviour is hyde that means u dont need to secound guess they do circular conversation that really dont go anywhere because use of work salad that goes along with narc speak than call them out in public they show their trueself to those around them see it for who they are behaviour doesnt get better means dr jekyll and hyde are serum right they need narcissistic supply take all away u see them for what are in real

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

And tells us we're too sensitive and thin skinned. Meantime if you say two words they don't like here comes the Narc rage.

[@chervilant]

For financial reasons, I am stuck with a narcissist until I can reclaim my home and my life. I have been clear it's over, which he ignores. I will be using some of your key phrases, and will keep you posted.

[@daralillyluchen3722]

Gosh I’m so glad I broke it off with him after 5 weeks. Dodged a bullet and learned so much about myself as well. Oh my gosh. Be careful out there.

[@raulcalderon758]

i didnt. It has been hell. Pray for me.

[@mallorieblair]

@@raulcalderon758 I'll pray for you. Please pray for me too. I regret every day not calling it off after I got the red flags 2 months in. Since then, I've experienced every form of abuse... for years and years. I've been blackmailed to stay in the relationship. I've lost everything, including my entire family during this. I refuse to lose anything else. I am planning to escape from this situation soon. I need all the prayers I can get. May God keep you and guide you going forward 🙏.

[@livefromtheground7274]

One that is useful for me: I’m not in the business of repeating myself. Also, mine was from a family of narcs the roots were deep! The 2 faced behavior was insane. When he died in 2016 I did not cry, still have not ... I felt unnaturally relieved. Now working to forgive myself from being an idiot.

[@marcusmaya898]

Thank you. Being surrounded by narcissistic family members is very challenging! It is better to understand this « guilt trip » that they play.

[@cnstarz]

Live, ditto here. But why must you forgive yourself for being strong enough to not cry over someone who abused you? That isn't being an idiot, friend. That is being strong. It's being healthy. It's being true to your soul. Good for you! I am personally proud of you. You are NOT an idiot. Now, try to let it go and move on with your own healthy life.

[@cinders2894]

I grew up with a sociopath for a father, a mother with BPD and a narcissist for a sister who was a product of her environment. It was a very confusing, traumatic childhood. This is a great video, I just wish there was more help for kids dealing with toxic environments.

[@lynnglass575]

Same i know your emotional pain inside out it’s brilliant Lisa helping us to see the truth to heal from the core as I had no coping skills in any way.

[@bethgiani1213]

This is very helpful. My stepfather was a total narcissist; he NEVER took any accountability for his actions, and I would be angry with him. He would often ask why I'm angry at him, and then I would say 'you know perfectly well what you did'. He never apologized for what he did and would lie about things and then would accuse me of lying. When he passed away in 2013, it was a relief for me, but there were regrets that I didn't stand up for myself when he was so mean. There were times that I wanted to leave the house, but I was not financially able to do so. I often thought I was a burden, even though my mom said I wasn't. I still struggle even now to make my own decisions as a result of this

[@ginadisantis7827]

I remember one time that a shrink said I was bipolar.... Then 3yrs.later said your not bipolar, it's historaical stuff,that you've been through from your family!!! Wow !!wow!! I was very happy to get off the drugs I didn't need,and got rid of family n so called friends. I'm all better now. Still dealing with Abit of narc codependentcy. And that's getting better. Thanks for sharing as always!! Hugs to U.

[@Mtmdon231]

Thanks you for saying this I cannot wait to move out and have all the cool stuff in life

[@ΜαρίαΜαγουλά-ο7μ]

I share the same house with my Narcissistic mother. I decided "NO CONTACT". I don't have to answer at all. Most of the time she tries to trigger me I became deaf. I don't have to answer to her Narcissistic calling. I don't have to think what should or should not answer to Narcissistic madness. I don't have to say the right or wrong words. There is no RIGHT or WRONG for my feelings. I do what makes me HAPPY. My Silence makes me HAPPY and I don't have to prove it neither to my Narcissistic mother nor to myself! I just feel it and I m sure that my feelings makes me the individual that I am. She is vindictive anyway. Haha.

[@Mandiligus]

I have that problem of feeling the need to set the record straight and tell them straight FACTS back when they try to gaslight me.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

Me too. I did tell the narc EXACTLY what was what... in text... he said... I'll look again... (he said I mistakenely took 6 bottles of shampoo home, that I brought to him and drove 50 miles extra to do) - but I was really there to check on his two teen age boys during this lockdown. They seem sad. He found the shampoo. No apology, nothing. Just, I found it. Poor creatures. His mother was a basket case, too.... so he gets it honest. I know they are sick.

[@rivers613]

I usually either just stay silent, or, call em out: that's not what you swore to just yesterday

[@candywarmuth2455]

This is my ex and I am stuck here due to finances. I honestly find myself just messing with him when he starts crap. Shuts him down and he runs outside. lol

[@becomingbetter6359]

I figured out over the years that you need to pre-plan your moves. Because they have this cycle of starting drama when things are harmonic (boring to them) or when others are there who they can convince to join into bullying. So whatever move you use in the moment...it likely will feel bad in that moment. Because their aim is to make you feel bad for whatever move you use. Because their aim is to make YOU feel bad. It doesn't matter what you do around a narc. They will always try to guilt trip if they can. So pre-plan what is healthy for you. And just know that it sucks for a while when you talked to one anyway.

[@PurpleIvory88]

I say I hear you. And that is it. I'm not sure if he's a Marc or just raised by 2 if them and is modeling the behaviors.

[@izawaniek2568]

Lisa, you are saving people’s lives. What you do is heroic!!

[@mmartin030]

The beginning got me with “no empathy for you and exploits you emotionally.” That really struck like lightning for me. I had lightbulb moment realizing I don’t have to react. That’s up to me. So basic you think I’d already know that lol

[@michigilbert5454]

I wish I had known about narcissism and gas lighting before I married my 2nd . I have learned so so much from people. Thank you for this info.

[@chethouskeeper8928]

I was totally un aware that such women existed wanting to absolutely destroy you because you love them 20 plus years of abuse I never stopped trying to make our marriage work never abused her or had any desire to its tuff loving someone for years never feeling loved in return my heart always knew she was trying to destroy me jesus heard my prayers most was praying for her to meet me halfway the first time prayed for myself I told her I no longer wanted to be married to her seen clearly exactly what she was narcissist free now just over a year I am blessed have no desire to even speak to her again with 20years of speaking to her she never even tried to listen I feel she doesn't deserve to ever hear my voice and what a blessing this ghosting has become she used to destroy me using it now I haven't heard anything from her in a couple months and before that pretty much one year trust your heart

[@NenaLavonne]

Lisa, you are such a blessing! Thank you for all you do ♥️

[@LeeMcLaughlin]

I love your clarity concerning narcissism and relationships. I wasted over 20 years attempting to reshape or reform my partner. To no avail. I stuck around wanting to rescue her and feel good about myself. What a double decade of delusion and mistakes. At least now I’ve discovered the truth - you for example have been an. Oasis of understanding on my desert of confusion. Thank you. Cheers Lee

[@STiRAMERiCA]

I said it this way, "Your version of the story is different than mine."

[@blancagutierrez3861]

Love it !😍

[@danibear7778]

Thank you for sharing this wonderful information so we can put ourselves back together.

[@NenaLavonne]

😊♥️

[@jeffreycarroll-dt7ee]

Wow….ran into a Narcissist in dec 2018.,I immediately got a red flag, because the convo flow was different.,(they speak a different wicked language.,outside of the profanity)..,by 2019 I was setting up boundaries, (not knowing they were to be challenged by the Narcissist)and 4yrs later.,I’ve found myself in a toxic dance with this individual.,until now I’m fed up.,fed up and beyond fed up.,no contact is my only solution at this point.,and sticky to it.,time for real change.,thanks very much 👍🏾

[@quintxavier]

This was life saving. Thank you so much.

[@theonlyturner]

Same man. You good now?

[@humanearthling4661]

Ms. Romano is my favorite Psychologist. I sure hope my comment doesn't leave the impression I do not appreciate her astuteness when it comes to understanding the Narcissist in our midst. And these days, there are legions of them. Upon rereading my comment, I decided to post this present comment. Thank you Ms. Romano for being there for all of us. I wish I could afford to speak with you on the phone, just to chew the fat. You sound like someone I would love to speak to about ...everything. The only other one I have ever felt so comfortable speaking about all subjects with was my counselor from when I was 20 years old to 34 years old when she became deceased. She taught me how to think logically and to trust my ability to learn. Before her, I would venture nothing for fear of failure. I was a mouse who didn't let out as much as a SQUEEK. My mother was super controlling and never let me make a decision she didn't approve of. If my counselor could see me now, she would be very proud of me. Now, my mouth and opinions draw lots of criticism from those who support political correctness... Thanks again, Ms. Romano! ❤️

[@elsiewang2051]

I was playing this video in the living room which I share with my narcissist roommate. And I heard that she began to make loud noises in her room and then began to call her friend. It's so fun!!!!

[@AN-ix9lg]

🤣 yes, it's working! I was doing the same with my lady.

[@bulliontoy]

I think this video will change my life. I haven't looked up narcissist videos before. I will use these phrases to put a final statement for her to think about and use to talk to her. I know my mom is a control freak, guilt trip Master, immature like a child, only their feelings matter, brings up the past to give weight to their BS, and needs everything her way or she's upset, even if it hurts others or disregards others. But I didn't know it was literally narcissistic personality disorder. I just thought she had major issues and has always been selfish. Mind blown. Thank you endlessly!

[@danicaswanson6070]

Phrase that worked for me to shut down the, "You're over emotional/crazy." "That's what normal people do when someone is attacking them and pushing their buttons."

[@pinkiesue849]

thank you

[@cookiecookielookies]

That's a great response! I say that too, but they always respond with "There you go again- accusing me of attacking you when you're just sensitive." Now I'm going to try the phrases that Lisa said that show you don't care about what they say.

[@joeallen2286]

I often over explain and after 6 years I went completely gray rock and she hated it. Tried blaming me that I was dead and cold inside. Frankly she wasn’t wrong, but she was wrong in the reasons why. I recall asking her “what do you expect from someone when you go round and round and never accomplish anything? When nothing is ever good enough? People won’t tolerate you anymore, they refuse to talk to you because you’re a leach of happiness.” And I’m seeing other examples here that I stumbled upon by myself and it makes sense. I used to think that if I could maneuver the argument to where she would stop responding with “something new” I was correct in my basis. In reality I just took away her perception of power.

[@brg2743]

I had to tell one very pointedly yesterday. It bounced off the hard head, sunk in a little and he went right back to it. He stewed in it awhile. Almost called the police. Will not tolerate thsse idiots. People in high positions in schools are the worst we have dealt with.

[@cmcintire1656]

Thats not my hand! Thats not even a cookie!!!! :O

[@mm.124]

:I take a large knife and tell them. "If that isn't your hand, then cut it off."

[@monikaazariah9237]

That's so what they would say

[@intuitivebeautie777llc5]

I called him a narcissist today and he went bananas on me. And asked me to never talk to him. Later while he and I was on the phone he went off on his mom, hurting her feelings. Then called me to explain and say how his mom always out of order. He totally blamed her for him yelling at her.

[@georgiecassar3278]

This is the first video about narcissism that has enabled me to feel I can stay with my husband so long as I work on my co-dependency. Most other videos paint a bleak picture saying the best option is to leave him. We have 25 years of marriage and wonderful kids. I am learning to stand my ground and your video gives me great confidence. Thank you.

[@michellebaby012002]

Same here. Quitting will only expose the children to it. My purpose in this relationship has been revealed after 8 years of marriage. Thank God.

[@mcwho]

Oh my gosh thank you so much for this information. I was starting to feel like I was completely insane. And that all the things they were saying to me were true and I needed to change myself in order for him to change his opinion. I was shocked to hear you describe this person so accurately. It’s absolutely nuts to me! Thank you thank you! I almost quit my job because of a narcissist.

[@karindavis4832]

EAGLE SPY 🦅 helped me cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with EAGLE SPY 🦅 and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets with the help of EAGLE SPY 🦅 . I’m here in US and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating and flirting with his phone. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and incoming messages. You can contact him to help you too on WhatsApp : [phone]...

[@carolnahigian9518]

Wow . So Ted C say to me ‘ you are a terrible person? Then why would he beg a terrible person to PLEASE LIVE WITH HIM/ toxic Ted C. - he needs COUNSELING!!!!!

[@emmahackwell4295]

Big moment for me, recognising that I have been subtly guilted into submission to do things against my needs. To hand over my precious time so that their needs are met. Guilt feels heavy and contracted. I will be better prepared and more aware to call out it when it happens again, which it will. Thank you Lisa. Merry Christmas 🎄 xx

[@rhondawampner688]

I was in a relationship for 2 years, thank you so much for your videos. He has called me names, put my body down, spit food in my face. He would manipulate me so I would do what he wanted. I can go on and on.

[@ejkovacik314]

I finally gave up on my mother last year, I honestly felt relieved to be free from her toxicity, now I'm grieving for the relationship we never had, the video is great. I've always been so reactive but I will definitely try out some of the suggestions. I especially like the "faulty perception" phrase. Because I have children I'll never be completely no contact and she will never be accountable for what she has done and tries to continue to do but I'm feeling stronger every day. Thank you 👌🏻🤗

[@courtneyd2928]

My situation too. I did cold turkey for a long time. When it came to having children, I wanted provide grandma for them. It is very difficult. My child has decided Grandma is mean and dislikes hearing smarmy conversation. Not once did I tell my child how I felt. I am honoring my child’s emotions by severely limiting phone conversations to

[@SilentFigure1]

The person that has been instrumental at another 2 year alienation from kids grand kids "the toxic mind" has convinced itself I am in wrong for being alienated. It is plain crazy makeing. Was watching your last video for maybe third time when this hour of SOLID GOLD appeared. I am being clandestine hoovered!

[@aladin035]

Truer words were never spoken😢

[@lindajokensinger8690]

100% my daughter. She recently contacted me after I disowned her when she finally moved out of my home with her 2 children at the age of 28. Thank you for this video, hopefully this can help me deal with her abusive behavior and get to see the grandchildren I raised. She's used the children to punish and manipulate me for years.

[@mimudase]

Why did we conceive and raise nasty daughters whom we loved so much??? Hope you're keeping strong and well x

[@lindajokensinger8690]

@@mimudase thank you. I'm well. I've found that as long as all I send is an occasional gif, I can receive similar responses from my 13 year old granddaughter when using a friends phone. This way at least she knows I'm still there for her and I know she's at least nominally ok. Also another of my granddaughters told me that the last time they were at a family gathering she had said that she was leaving home at 18. So 5 more years and I can hug Maddy again. Did I mention that no one in the family has been allowed to communicate with the kids? Again thanks for your concern.

[@mimudase]

@@lindajokensinger8690 Oh I'm glad to note the strength in your reply!! Good for you!! But it still saddens me to think that someone you loved beyond words could cause such pain. Will send you good vibes from time to time! 🥂

[@lindajokensinger8690]

@@mimudase they're appreciated.🙂

[@teresarenee3829]

@@mimudase what about the fathers? children only know what they are taught...it usually comes from childhood trauma or abuse....it's cyclical, and not always obvious to others.....