How to Not Let the Narcissist Control You: Get Smart to Outsmart the Controlling Narcissist

[@sandrathomas2893]

THIS is the most SPOT on video ever made Lisa! I do believe also that this new " self love" train is being derailed for some and creating a whole new breed of covert narcissism/ spiritual bypassing... Not a judgement but rather an observation I am witnessing in this community. Thank you for your work and dedication to breaking this spell in so many family lines. ❤

[@LetArtsLive]

Okay what have I turned into a narcissist also after dealing with that thing

[@cryptocoinscafe7479]

She’s unbelievable! To combine knowledge, speech, experience, Truth, wisdom in such succinct words is Truly divine intervention!!!!

[@epiphanysoulguidanceb756]

I wondered about that, too, Sandra with that "self love" movement and "helping" to make ppl into covert narcs

[@ImogenBunting]

I absolutely agree. Lisa's video's are getting more and more pertinent and hitting the nail on the head so often for me too. Self love where it helps you meet your own needs and not sacrifice them to meet the needs of others - who would otherwise be quite happy to insist they deserve your good will, not necessarily an equal relationship. We all deserve our wants and needs to be relevant to those around us - healthy relationships - as Lisa said in the video above is about two people autonomously managing their own needs and lives while also successfully integrating another into their life - a mutually beneficial partnership... where personal time and needs are respected, not resented. Self love to the detriment of others - is definitely a kind of narcissism - Lisa also said it was hereditary, and without self care and awareness and a deliberate attempt to get through/ overcome, etc... a codependent/ victim of narcissistic abuse is likely to continue to attract people who don't treat them as equals or with respect. I'm learning the hard way - as I guess we all have to. I came and continue to return to Lisa's video's because I have found them immensely grounding and helpful and they have allowed me to see - very clearly - what has been going on and to work with myself and my personal boundaries and my responses to ensure things don't go so awry ever again. I'm away from the narcissist that damaged me now - still recovering = but feeling more and more like so much more is possible. Just being away from someone who is toxic to your mental and emotional and psychological health is helpful. Learning to love yourself in a healthy way is also learning to make the most of who you are and letting yourself shine. There is nothing at all wrong with that. That's healthy. Find you. Don't let someone else define you. Love to all. Imogen

[@ManicMarxman]

This video was nothing short of magic and did so much to highlight so much of the adversity faced in modern day relationships. For some time now I've been saying to friends there has been a massive shift in general behaviour patterns and structure leaving many confused, ill-advised, broken and as a result creating the breaking others making leaving us all living in a resoundingly broken society. I've been an anti-self love campaigner in friend circles not because I dont believe in the concept of it, but more to do with how heavy the campaign has been on Social Media and other platforms without any real balance or context leaving many to totally misunderstand and abuse the concept. Lisa, I have been watching your videos and a few others for some time now and this video hands down trumps them all by way of understanding the issues, critical analysis of the situation, self-reflection and reasonable outcomes. Its inspired new ideas and approaches for me which I hope to be able to implement successfully in different areas of relationship/social interaction. Thank you!

[@cmcintire1656]

All abusers ACT OUT behind closed doors 🤬 Then smile outside to the people watching at their FAKE SELF

[@schellielansing1139]

Omg. So true. Same thing I’ve got with my husband. He would never show his self to anyone. Just when home from work. A crab ass. So perfect for all to see. Drives me nutz.

[@allycinb]

Too keep up appearances. If you’re a child it teaches you to be a liar too. Lie about everything to keep up the appearance that you’re not in a dangerous situation. That these people do love you. That your life is normal. Horrible way to live. Painful to realize it so late but glad to be painfully awake instead of blind. Wishing you well.

[@anushkaroy6666]

@@allycinb accurate

[@bernitacenteno1326]

@@schellielansing1139 Yes, and if you just happened to say anything that the narcissist can use against you, they will to do that and do. Another thing is the different forms of triangulation even with someone of the narcs gender who you met and found nice to smear you behind you back, then to event a ke you to their place which they created a set up b Y the other person do abuse you in some small way and to sit back and gain pleasure from it.

[@maureenwoodard9588]

Ugh that would be my malignant narcissist ! I have wasted 12 yrs thus far with a mean ,nasty violent narcissist , We have rescue cats together and I’m only here for them ! But seriously trying to figure out how to leave

[@lucybraun8969]

I get stuck in ruminations of abuse. I feel directionless. So sick of people who blame me for their issues.

[@diva1675]

I had to learn it’s not my fault, and i can’t change you.

[@trinap.8904]

Your brain wants to fix the past, and it cant but keeps trying. Re-direct brain patterns to SELF LOVE. This is a journey.

[@eriomnyc6073]

Hope you’re doing better / getting out of it . I’ve been there and gets better with time ❤

[@gigievans395]

ABSOLUTELY get this! 👍💯

[@lucybraun8969]

That idealization period is very, very short-lived for me. I see narcissist traits very early on now, but there are still those unmet needs. There are so many narcissists out there!

[@elhadjdiallo633]

There are millions of them biblically speaking !!! Nars are blood suckers they just horrible ...i feel sooooo sorry for the folks out there who are uneducated about narcs , sociopath and psychopathic folks ..... Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering .....trauma has affeted many many folks in this universe!!! I wish you well mum ...take care of yourself and stay bless

[@eriomnyc6073]

Yup

[@fluffymuffi1]

This is so core, articulate and balanced. No one else is doing this kind of deconstruction on KZbin. Thank you!!!!

[@allycinb]

Facts!!

[@kwigley5215]

Spartan Life Coach - Richard Grannon has a great course on recovery from CPTSD. I have been doing it for just over a month and I see amazing progress already.

[@redtigerlily8165]

@@kwigley5215 I agree. So emotional to work through it but so well worth it. I wish you light on the journey!

[@kwigley5215]

@@redtigerlily8165 thank you and I wish you the same! It's within our grasp if we are willing to reach for it. 🤙

[@angeliquedemeijere5980]

@@kwigley5215 you do the summoning the self? Did you do others? Did you do lisa's codependency breakthrough? Im thinking to do Richards courses and lisa's online and later maybe lisa's master

[@gabriellemorellisinger1608]

GETTING STUCK IN THE TRAUMA IS THE HARDEST PART TO HEAL!!!

[@dolphinliam888]

This is truly so sad. My dad transferred his wounds on to me and my sisters. What you are doing is so good. There are thousands out here trying to make sense of it. God bless you x

[@anushkaroy6666]

Thank you Lisa, 💖your videos have changed my life... I am preparing for my university exams so I can leave this hell of a house which never felt like home. Both my parents are narcissistic and violent. I was finally able to leave and cut off from my narc ex after 2 years of abuse. I am stuck on survival mode constantly but can't leave this house because of lockdown but I will soon. I have PTSD and suicidal thoughts but I still manage to workout and be productive everyday. I am only 19 but I am much more self aware, confident and mature now only, ONLY because of you. Can't wait to start my new life. I will continue to heal. you are like a mother I never had...I am so grateful and indebted to you🙏Namastey🙏 from India 💖 💖 💖Keep changing the world💖 💖 💖

[@elhadjdiallo633]

I wish you well sister ....i wanna let you know that you're more than enough !!!!! Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!

[@anushkaroy6666]

@@elhadjdiallo633 Thank you for your kind words :) ♥️🙏

[@sunnylittlejoshine]

Stay strong and sounds like your on the right path and have a plan to get out I wish I had your strength & knowledge at 19 ' I'm now 52 a You girl this And a whole wonderful life you will have with all the knowledge & healing & like minded people much love & blessings to you hun Xxxx👊🏼🙏🏼👏💜

[@Peaceshiet812]

I hope you are staying strong, you are very precious, never forget it Dear heartxxxx

[@ssznn222]

I have always recognised the abuse i have suffered from a narcissistic mother but never realized the abuse i have been inflicting on my children because of it. Thank you, Lisa, for your willingness to share your knowledge. Now that i know better, i can do better!

[@claireatkins6308]

Hey there lovely lady. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am a 52yr old woman with an extremely narcissistic mother, whom over the last few years I have been gradually releasing from my life. I had been doing that instinctively and only recently had the bomb shell moment when I realised she is a full blown narcissist, the victim, the guilt tripper, the blame shifter and the expert manipulator. Myself and hubby recently moved to our dream property 4hrs away from her and she made the whole experience horrible by her open resentment towards me for "doing this to her" , silent treatment, triangulation, the full kit! Anyway, stumbled across your channel and soaking up the amazing, incredibly helpful information, which you relay in a beautiful, articulate and common sense fashion. Great sense of humour too, which let's face it, is so necessary for us all right now. Many thanks from Australia Lisa, and wishing you a wonderful day and a spectacular life!🍀💚🌻🌈

[@treeluckfactory5710]

Sometimes you can hear the glibness in their voice. "HiiiIIIIiii, I'm so and so" with a big fake smile. You notice it most when they introduce themselves to people they're just meeting. The smile comes off as soon as those people walk away and they ask you to do something you say no, they switch to extreme anger. "The mask comes off."

[@lucybraun8969]

I don't crave validation. I just crave love. That seems so out of reach.

[@trinap.8904]

Dont chase love, all the love you need is within you. Love inward.

[@TheBigStarz]

Hiding behind religion - we had four years of this Insanity in America on the public stage for all to see. It's a crutch that evil people hide behind.

[@lucybraun8969]

See the lense through which others view you, and recognize that lense is not you. That's a really meaty lesson to apply.

[@sherynngofa6175]

There's a lot of emphasis on the narcissist; I like empowering the codependent more than giving the narcissist so much air time. My humble opinion...

[@maryjankowski9032]

As I see it.. you need to know who and what you are dealing with so you can sort things out....before you can take care of yourself and move on

[@radfish2960]

How could we exhale if they have powerful audio/video surveillance on u? Next door neighbors with total access and funds and friends who help them. Even my own people who also hate me

[@marshasweetnovember7482]

@@radfish2960 I had/have neighbors reporting back. My car was stolen as well, by him. He thought I would assume it was repoed. But I called the police. The next day when I woke up, the car was there. It's exhausting.

[@homiekeen23]

I understand your point, this helps with understanding what's attacking you so we can know how to defend ourselves, that's necessary, if you don't understand what hurt you it can be more difficult and time-consuming to find how to heal it 💕

[@treeluckfactory5710]

This is why that one song "you don't own me" she says "don't put me on display" bc she doesn't want to be treated as a reflection of someone else. Praised or treated badly depending on how she looks. I feel like growing up I was treated this way, not based quite so much on looks, but more on behavior that there may not have even been anything wrong with at times, just because someone who raised me wanted to be upperclass and fit in and I liked music of the lowerclass (which we were) and comedy.

[@SuperSoFlow]

This human experience / experiment is exhausting.

[@radfish2960]

It's all almost over. Read Revelation, Matthew 24 Luke 17 also I believe.

[@lilacnpink3864]

I really don't fight my narcissist ex. I just plan how to leave secretly. I find a place and move my things little by little.

[@duck9886]

I left my ex narcissist while he was at work. I left everything behind other than clothes and a few toys I knew my kids liked. Materials can always be replaced. Your life cannot. Especially when you’re with a covert narc. They’re either going to beat you up or talk you to death to make you stay. Evil relentless people.

[@ms_firefly]

Omg, you describe the relationship with both my now deceased parents. Sooo happy I've found your channel. Thank you, Lisa!

[@lynoxroyal9587]

It's like everyone I met and was nice to turned into a Narcissist.

[@melodienaber3238]

Me too!

[@wandadavis1057]

Yes it dose

[@charlotteanddongriffiths8211]

Haha, I’ve suddenly realized my “narc meter” was on the blink 🤪. They didn’t turn into narcs, I just did not heed the warning signs and red flags that were there all along. My bad. I think I got it now, though, so not letting things slide by if I see them.

[@tootienottoofruitie1726]

I think that here in USA...toxic narcs could be more than half the adult population.. any thoughts???

[@denisesatt7044]

@lynox royal. I hope you get this , 11 months later. I felt the same way at one time, I now think narcissists have their flying monkeys. Many times because of those unhealthy relationships you have to block the flying monkeys also. Shame on them all.

[@txknitnurse]

It's all starting to come together for me. This type of abusive control is toxic to your health, in my opinion. Thank you Lisa.

[@Catherine_Kate]

Lisa, I've just downloaded your books from Amazon Kindle - I started with "The Road Back To Me"... Wow. What a powerful life story, and all that you have overcome and achieved... Sending love and blessings to you, thank you so much for all you do to provide hope, belief and guidance for other victims of abuse, so that we can transform and become our true selves.

[@ginrittenhouse5171]

Your beauty is reflected in your inner health because I swear you are looking younger as you get older in your face

[@leahweinberger583]

Once you get out from under of the daily shower of adrenaline and fight and flight..and you Relax. Your health improves. You soul shines. Happy is beauty

[@grnddesign]

Man, you just keep telling the story of my life in every way. Sane mother, same father. I’ve never been able to have a successful relationship. They’ve all been with toxic narcissistic men. Working hard on myself to attract non-narcissists but let’s face it - hard to meet anyone safely in the midst of a pandemic. Just focusing on work which is fulfilling for me & listening to you to figure out how to deal with my narcissist mother & narcissist SIL. My brother married a mini-me of my mother

[@hijones2968]

This is so deep, you are describing my mom, and the trickiness that both parents engage in to keep you silent (Dexedrine and Haldol and a therapist that didn't believe me). Thank you for empowering me. You have a beautiful heart.

[@The.Indian.Goddess]

Hugs

[@innerworlds5327]

Lisa it is so much more important that when your friend said that she can have other friends that YOU heard and interpreted that YOU can have other friends!! How wonderful for your friend that she knew that and didn't "grow up" in a narcissistic family that programs their children to be codependent, isolated and cut off from the rest of the world. How wonderful for her that she will never know or understand what it's like to be "raised" in a narcissistic family and never will even if she spent every waking second for the rest of her days learning about it she will never understand. Only people who survived it will ever truly get it. She set a boundary with you albeit very rudely and inconsiderately. How wonderful for your friend that she didn't have to know what it's like to love narcissists who only have other "friends" to gossip about us with, purposely try to make us jealous, triangulate, and teeter totter us from idealization to devaluation over and over again.

[@ForeverBlueRoses]

You've helped me understand myself more in 4 videos than drs taught me in 20 wasted years. Ty ❤

[@ryanthelion0014]

About 6 minutes in to the video you blew me away with the light you are becoming for the mental health and positive influence you are having on relationships that are dominating society today

[@jennifermacisak7503]

This video is life changing! How you explained childhood trauma, seeing ourselves and others through filtered lenses, codependency, healing ourselves and how we will feel when lift the veils, become accountable while we awaken from codependency using conciousness and how to find the answers ..Lisa, this video is the top notch video thus far. I literally now operate on a higher vibration then ever and actually healed into a better person, using this narcissist trauma as a catalyst..all because of you..I dont take things personally and have more emotional control and able to have healthy relationships..Thank you!

[@pepperbird1212]

Lisa your story is so touching and I marvel at your insight into your own self, your family, and human psyches. I especially felt your pain as you talked so honestly about your parents and how they tried to get their needs met in you, their child. You tell your stories so well and so honestly. You have earned happiness in the light of the probing search you have mounted of your own life experiences and motivations.

[@nicholas1376]

Thank you for this. Im 36 years old and had to move back in with my parents due to back surgery and knee surgery. I haven't seen my mom in over 7 years because of her being an NPD. I have to give her my checks, paystubs, I can't have a cell phone, wake up when she wants me too, starts so much drama, talks to my friends and my girlfriend behind my back, talks scrap about my girlfriend to my face and if I stand my ground or talk back shell tell me this is her house. There's no negotiating with her because I will be kicked out. She's very physically abusive towards her husband and he takes it, she takes care of my grandma/her mom and is very mentally abusive. She tells all of us what we can and cannot eat, if we buy something she doesn't like when she's in her mood shell throw it away. I need help before I go crazy

[@nicholas1376]

Oh and if anyone brings up anything she does she'll deny deny deny. Shell make youre the problem

[@rosettesionne9139]

This is also something I experience I am happy that I was not alone. When I obey the narcisists and let them control me then everything was fine and they act so lovable and charming... as long as I act and behave the way they wanted but when I confront or question them then they change faces and became cruel tyrants and they started raging at me and insulting me for "disrespecting" them I truly believe that the problem was me now I know that it is not normal to humiliate others simply because they stop doing what you want.

[@houseofbows]

I had to make sure I didn't write this!

[@mystiparker3935]

OMG, this is exactly what I'm dealing with. It's gotten to the point where I just can't take it anymore.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

RUN‼️🌺🌺

[@melissajohouser-rhinehart1699]

That's exactly the point I am at now myself...

[@debby579]

@@melissajohouser-rhinehart1699 me too....my narc, evil demon husb. called the police on ME yesterday and said i was out of control...talking to myself etc...(he won't have anything to do with me), so I complain and he is hard of hearing and becomes angry.. so here comes a huge fire engine and 2 cop cars. and he acts all sweet and normal after screaming and threatening to kill me....

[@kippiesmom1184]

@@debby579 , that must have been so stressful for you! I hope you were able to communicate to the first responders that you were not the one out of control. What a situation to be caught up in. I wish you the best!

[@beverlyorlando8040]

My father, older sister, probably my mother and most definitely my soon-to-be ex husband are all narcs! Yikes! I used to ask myself how I got surrounded by these toxic people! Now I think "how am i am going to get away from these people"? Establishing some healthy boundaries and practicing detachment has helped bring me to the point of making the first step towards emotional health. Thank you Lisa for your wisdom and virtual support. Sadly, friends and family have grown weary of my story since it's gone on for many years. This time is different. I'm taking control of my life and looking forward to peace and happiness in my future. I'm in the process of changing my now recognized people-pleasing, codependent traits after many, many years of surviving this way. I'm glad that I'm coming out of the fog still being able to have compassion and empathy for others.

[@nmodi927]

Yes! I personally understand and appreciate this situation. We can do more for ourselves than we have let others convince us.

[@kmtz1107]

I am so proud that you got out of that hell. Narcs tend to make you feel like something is wrong with you, you are the problem, you are not smart enough and you won’t be able to survive out there without their help, it’s demeaning and takes away from your self worth. My narc parents tried to break me , but I’ll never be like them, I refuse to be that way. I was treated like a slave all my life, talked down to, beaten into submission, it was horrible. I understand now that I was more human than them and I don’t need to please anyone anymore, I’m working on myself and it makes me feel like I’m getting my life back, my true self, not the person the narc created.

[@vhayashi7369]

Good for you!!!!!!

[@sunnylittlejoshine]

Keep going 'I'm going through the same in my life 'its tough glad I found this page 🙏🏼👊🏼🙏🏼💯💜

[@HomeFrendsten]

My n mother turns my sister, sistersinlaw and others against me though I have not done bad to her. She supported younger sister and brother more than me and my elder brother though v r kind to her .she does this on purpose for her own benefit .her parents did not educate her so she does not want her elder daughter to be better than her I have seen extreme jealous in her she does not like people who r dark because she is fair.she thinks she is superior to others. She also turns my young daughter against m and creats problm and misunderstanding

[@lucybraun8969]

The thing I have had to really focus on is really being me in the moment with others, not bring afraid to confront them when their interaction with me is not healthy.

[@Andrea-df8js]

I've been to several therapists and none of them have explained narcissist abuse or taught me how to deal with and heal from it like you do!

[@kiralevenson1706]

I am in the 1 % who get the malignant narcissist and I will happily let myself be stydied!!! Love you Lisa!!! Lots of Love from Cali!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@dolphinliam888]

I'm going to say something that's against the grain. Narcissists have one common theme; they never had a Mother's unconditional love. I'm not letting the narcissist off the hook but if you understand it with compassion you can detach and realise it's not personal. When you detach you can heal.

[@melanielogan8915]

I don’t agree. The narcissists I have known intimately have all had issues with abusive and neglectful fathers. Nothing wrong with their mothers.

[@melanielogan8915]

@@ccdm515 Yes they are mommy’s boys too. Bleh 🤢

[@dreap243]

Dealing with the momma's boy ...

[@cathyandresiak1975]

That kind of makes sense because I am kind of motherly and these kind of men have been attracted to me and all had narc problems and I kept trying to fix them and thought I could give them the love they never got from their mom. was I ever wrong. So happy I got away from all of that but it sure took a hug chunk out of my life. I do believe it can be a mom or a dad that either abused them or abandoned them.

[@user-eu2me4bp7j]

This is an interesting perspective and can have some truth behind it. My grandmother was an alcoholic (like Lisa’s grandma) and we both had narcissistic mothers.

[@mercwindow]

With THIS video more than any other the penny finally dropped for me. I get it now. It made me write down my unmet needs from my parents and realise why I need peoples approval. Why I feel slightly resentful when my "give" is not reciprocated even though I say I don't care. Even analysing specific childhood incident. I am enormously grateful to have met you Lisa. Thank you for helping me to reclaim my life

[@julieleong348]

Hi Lisa, this vedio really speaks tome, I am a victim of a narssasitic bully and also experiencing attack and minimised my experience By my counsellor in the mental health sector, I took quiet a long time to suffer and fight my thoughts of I am not wrong when everyone I shared told me I was wrong. There are still remaining emotions after the truth of the narssasitic colleague of her smear campaign. And my councellor told me that I need to support her. I felt no one recognize my abused emotion experience, does really the world are there to be heroic for the narssasistc

[@lucybraun8969]

I"ve been able to get away from them, and grey rock them in their presence, and have given up on confronting them. Doing so won't change them. I've even given up on getting my healthy sense from them. I am worth an only begotten son to my creator.

[@sweetrose813]

Yes! I had an encounter with the Lord. He said I did not know who I was in Jesus Christ. So I studied the scripture it helped my poor Broken Heart to heal and I bonded with the one who loves me with an everlasting love and cares for my best interest and cares about my feelings

[@SissyGamerzandPlay22]

Hi Lisa, would you consider making an in depth video on how you maintained a relationship with your Mom while maintaining boundaries? For those of us who don't want to cut ties altogether this would be very helpful. Thank you.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I agree!

[@shamimoonshaik1395]

Yes please

[@irmafrancis111]

Lisa, This was such a great share. So solid and grounded. It can be hard to admit that I was a part of the dysfunctional dance, but I was. Without owning my part I would have remained a victim forever. I love the part of the video where you remind us many times that everyone sees life through there own filter based on their programming. I am going to keep this marked so I can watch it again anytime I need a reminder. Your work keeps getting stronger, the clarity is amazing. Thank you so much!

[@Red_Tiger_Eye]

💡 W O W‼️‼️‼️‼️ . . . . The unmet needs is HUGE‼️‼️‼️‼️ When I look at social media and all the people that post their every move - it screams validation of unmet needs. Hearing this video, my inner voice said, “Lisa’s work is everlasting!!! There is an influx of adults with all sorts of unmet needs - It’s almost a plague!” This is so big!!!!

[@marjoriegarner5369]

it's "almost a plague".... you say. We are in the midst of many plagues now, and we can learn so much, if we are open to the truth of the human condition.

[@SuperSoobi]

Lisa, the reason you help so many is because you are so totally honest and you say it how it is. I just wish we could all have the means to live independently if we should wish to - how different the world would be; but we would still need guidance and information to understand why some people are the way they are - and you are part of a huge progression in human civilization. The insight that we need to be able to help very damaged and possibly dangerous personalities, including our own when traumatised, is the only way forward. We need to stop calling people the devil or evil because that blocks us from insight and we really need people like yourself to help us now. Thank you.

[@TheRebelCoach]

man from 7 minutes forward you are speaking my life. If I am quiet and not shaking the apple cart up and not having any needs beyond sex then we are good. I am tired.

[@marierose6792]

One thing to remember, whether narcissistic parents or partners, is that they force you by subtle and not so subtle manipulation, and then hate you for the person you become , because of their behaviour. Many times we need to ask ourselves, was it really really really My decision? They gaslight you ( an example is my X continually said that we had .no money because he was using it for his own secret life) then they look at you disgusted that you became that way,( he said I was horribly cheap and frugal). They make it happen just as much as we try to please. This talk was amazing, THANK YOU.

[@lisaowens2523]

Your videos have become so polished over time. Very good job on covering subject matter every empath needs.

[@samanthalee9386]

Thank you so much Lisa! I cant say enough just HOW much your videos and your information has seriously opened my eyes!! I feel empowered now and found my answers ive always questioned. I wish there were more ppl out here like you. And I wish I knew you and could have one on one sessions. I am just so enlightened every since I stumbled upon your content and I really needed to express my sincere gratitude. I have a hole new understanding. A whole new sense of self and confidence. This is really helping me navigate thru my situation now and thru my relationship of 11 years! Ive only ever known from the time I was 19 till now!

[@jasminearcher7241]

With narcs you’re not allowed to express your feelings

[@CorinneIsIn]

Or if you do, they tell you you're too sensitive.

[@tracylabad3095]

Jasmine true....I hate when they call and ask how are you? I know they don't really care as long as I am hurting. They check in to make sure your NOT ok. I can't stand narcs. Can't wait to have love and light back in my life.

[@jasminearcher7241]

@@tracylabad3095 girl the pain hurts I’m still not over it it’s been over a year I lost myself I even gained 50 lbs I don’t recognize myself narcs cause you emotional pain

[@houseofbows]

@@CorinneIsIn or your own thoughts. The narc I deal with is only peaceful when I'm a clapping praising audience member to them. As soon as I want to chose my own things and they aren't in control of things that's none of their buisness or concern I'm berated and pushed until I explode.

[@CorinneIsIn]

@@houseofbows Yup. And then when you explode, they call you the crazy one.

[@TheCandisr]

This is a very honest and incredible analysis. I hope everyone that has ever been in a narcissistic-codependant relationship sees this. There is such a danger of getting frozen into so many of the sticking points on a persons journey out of codependency.

[@Wildflowerincali]

I heard something so profound yesterday. It was... when I’m trying to figure out if this is right or wrong, whether it be a situation or something someone is doing, or saying, including myself, I need to ask myself.. “is this bringing well-being to myself and everyone around me?” Asking myself that question yesterday really opened my eyes, mind, and heart to what’s been going on. It literally divided the toxic behavior from anything that was pure and of love. It felt as if my heart skipped, as years of gas lighting to control and dominate, came into my consciousness. The light literally turned on in my heart and mind. It’s taken almost 56 years for me to break free and understand the roll that I played in the family toxic dynamic. I always felt like I didn’t fit in as if something was wrong with me. Today I am grateful I don’t fit in...❤️

[@pamelaostella5841]

Thank you so much Lisa! I just got out of a 2 year Relationship with a Narcissist. I'm almost 2 months free now. 4 months into Relationship, I realized what was happening to me and with your Videos was able to keep strong until I could break free. You are so authentic and thank you still!! I'm still watching your videos. I am stay strong and healing from this Narcissistic Monster. ✌❤

[@loricarlstromtackes2097]

I understand. ..I FORGIVE my Mother TOO

[@craig3714]

I have cptsd , depression the narc doesn't care the narcissist wants me dead .

[@gametimewithtailsthefox]

I feel the exact same way she told me after she cheat continually and then switch and acts like she loves me

[@seckhoffable]

Dear Craig, I know that feeling-if you hear a bell tolling during the day you feel like it's for you. Believe me, you won't feel this way forever. I hope you don't feel this way tomorrow. I also understand that the message is, you're supposed to feel this bad. This special hell has been prepared especially for you. There's something else I need you to know, though: the inevitability of this sadness is fake. It's not inevitable. You can tear the veil away from it. This hell is not yours. You need to see the light, bit by bit. The world wants you, the world needs you, and you will feel better, bit by bit. Once you start rising again, you will find a new strength inside yourself. I've been there and I am rooting for you across the miles.

[@huckellberry401]

Your flawed counterpart is a slave to predictably, plan for the worst.. done! Now you beautiful malleable hurt ever changing, cunning warrior! Get busy making decisions that guilt held back! Not pay back in a rewarding celebratory way everyone will share.. no! Quite, little, life affirming win’s that fuels you! Trust me when they show you their underbelly, believe it! Then capitalize on your new found selfishness by returning in kind that void they attached but you return.. and exit cleansed, armed but whole because you can.. and that’s your superpower!

[@sah5799]

Mine actually encouraged me to kill myself. Said everyone would be better off. So this video does not resonate for me. The concept of good and evil is real and the narcissist enjoys the dark side.

[@whoKnew1621]

@@sah5799 mines said the same thing. Wow they are alike😳

[@melissasue3328]

Great video Lisa! This resonates so much now. I am at the stage of really looking at self and uncovering my own wounds, unmet needs and beliefs that played a role in attracting the narcissistic relationship in the first place. Now i have 2 children, we are seperated and there is such a sense of urgency in me to become more conscious in order to break the generational patterns of the loved ones who came before us. We are experiencing a powerful time of awakening in the collective consciousness and i thank you for answering your call to help others heal and awaken. 💗

[@innerworlds5327]

I like your drawing especially how the narcissistic codependent relationship has a dotted line on the outside because we all know the narcissist will pull other people in to cause drama, jealousy and triangulation.

[@marieborchardt2910]

Thank you for this video Lisa. It really helped me confront my co-dependency with the narcissists in my life, past and present. I'm learning about myself and healing more every day, it's a lifelong journey. I'm very grateful for the people who help me and to understand they also are looking through their own "lens". Love that. ❤

[@jeffc7309]

these are great videos, I need to watch more. I just went out with a narcissist with BPD. I've been out with one before for 6 years. Getting out of those games was near impossible - the lovebombing, gaslighting, the push pull games etc.. devaluation, control/power, enmeshing, baiting/guilt etc... For the 6 year her mom beat her, dad left then and mom abandoned her. I was her emotional punching bag. She loved calling the cops for power/control. Mess in the basement, call the police - sir you have to leave. Then she would call me back a few days later. Of course I'd be crawling back thinking it was all my fault appologizing. It was all a control/power game. Then this 6 month, she enticed me in with fantasy island - lets get a place together, where are we going on the honeymoon, etc... just a month in. Cirus act sex like 0 boundaries with odd stuff like candles etc... a form of self destruction really. Addictions really showed their face (alcohol, drugs, sex etc...) and she said "come meet my friends at the local bar". Then her kids in huge debt, she spending foolishly (who spends 6k on a bedframe and doesn't really have a stable house). Her previous husband she married when she was 28 he was 50 (some high flying car dealership guy), they went bankrupt twice! it was a complete circus show. I get there after her saying, come live with me only to find her young adult kids living with her and a nasty dog that would bite everyone. Then the dog attacked me, conflict brewed out of that end of fantasy island. Who gets blamed/shamed - me! she even called the cops (a narcissist will destroy someone financially, legally (cop calling as a means of control/power), emotionally and or physically - she even sicked her friends on me!). It was an odd relationship. It took weeks to get over - didn't eat, didn't sleep, headaches, stomach pains, sciatica, in the fog etc... like a recovering herion addict I was (serotin, dopamine, etc..). RUN IF YOU ENCOUNTER THESE PEOPLE!!! JUST RUN!!! not worth the pain and turmoil. (for her, her dad was shot by an uncle at age 3 then mom left to come to canada abondoned them then she was sexually assualted etc...) All that pain she had, she tore a piece off of me with her baggage. JUST RUN!!!

[@angellollar1083]

Just the first 22 minutes so far is bringing such freedom to me! This is the best one yet that I have been honored to listen to! After 41 years here are being married it has been so challenging and character building! But God! thank you so so much! I am definitely moving forward in my life! What a wonderful video! And as far as couples counseling, and there has been many, I forgive all of the pastors that we have ever canceled with that have accused me of being heinous because I put my disability check in my own checkbook, and I believe those pastors that have listened to my husband say that I was the narcissist and the pastor agree because he says he hears me say I the word I.I cannot find a healthy church right now so I'm going online with Pastor Jack Hibbs church. I think Kansas City in the Northland they're all weak and accusatory! So King Jesus and I just asking for small Bible studies to attend that are encouraging and where we can grow and help others.

[@allycinb]

This is wonderful and devastating all at the same time. Thank you Lisa for continuing to be transparent. You are a gem🧡

[@RealityandCommonSense]

Wow, I am so just happy to finally hear someone describe the dance two people have. I agree with you. Totally spot on. (just learned what that meant a few yrs ago) I have felt for a long time that it wasn't just simply good vs evil. Life is really is not black and white. I think when others get to a certain point. It took me a while before I realized this. It is enlightening and helpful. I finally woke up to my NPD mother because at forty. all of a sudden I was in a relationship with a man who was putting his hands on me. That had never happened to me. My father never did that to my mother. I have spent so long fighting my NPD mother (per a psychiatrist when I was about 23). I wish I had read those books that I bought that he recommended. Weird they have made it through my divorce and many moves before I finally woke up. But it took a man hitting me to actually wake up to her. Believe me I wished honestly that at times I had never woken up. I spent years fighting her and my ex husband for visitation with my daughters. They had alienated me completely. I was and still am angry that others in our family couldn't see it. Unfortunately he passed first and my mother a year later. My girls are filled with guilt and loyalty. Now that she is gone. I thought I would be at peace but she is still using my daughters to have control over me. They have gone through so much and are still so young 26, 23, and 16. My husband willed my youngest to my oldest daughter. My oldest daughter has been put through so much. All three have. It is so hard because I have been desperately missing them that it has seriously also affect my health. But I see that power and control in one of my daughters over me and I am struggling with walking that tightrope with her. I have always tried to e the bigger person / parent. But that only gave them more strength against me with our daughters. Sorry so long. GREAT VIDEO!!

[@nosounds_just_head_in_clou4563]

Wow you just describe my situation. My mum was narcissistic just like yours and i guess thats why i choose unconcionsly the same partner. I feel like i cant get out of this cycle. He is always dominant and i feel like a worthless just like my mum makes me fell and i connect that feeling with love which is distorted view. Thanks

[@keariewashburn4680]

I am in line with your opinions and experience. Of course, the covert npd/sociopath or psychopath is very dangerous. But the abuse is very devastating and real. Through time and trustworthy professional help and healthy caring support, you start to heal the holes and it hurts less over time and you start to get some excitement of finding yourself and loving every new morsel and feeling peace. Wonderful video Lisa and you are very good at sharing your gift to others. ❤

[@sammiejj681]

You are spot on! For real...

[@bronsontew4506]

Really great, Lisa! You really tapped into what I’ve been realizing, and how to move forward. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your experiences.

[@Moppel77809243]

I've been dealing with the topic for over a year now. This is one of the few videos that assigns the generally applicable technical terms in an understandable way to what those affected perceive without knowing that it could be a sign of a (known) personality problem or even a personality disorder. So it is a great help in practice. Thanks for that.

[@universaltruth2025]

It was always all about my mother as well. Our family revolved around her and she was put on a pedestal. My needs as the youngest of two, and a girl didn’t even feature. My father was a covert narc & my older brother is an overt narc. He “loves” and adores everyone - except me. He’s directed every ounce of shame & scorn and negative emotion my way since the day I was born. Basically taken out all the crap our father brought to our family on me. But after 49 years I’ve woken up to what he really is and the fact that there is no hope for a better relationship with him. My role in his life is simply someone to get narcissistic supply from. No more, I’ve had enough of his narcissistic crap. I’m done. Relationship in name only.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

I experienced the same in therapy with my exnarc. My therapist was an amazing healer therapist and so intelligent. Even he was fooled by the narc. He might've picked up on a few things but really I was the one who looked crazy. I was reactive and I didn't understand how I was hurting myself by reacting back with a lot of rage. I wanted to beat his way back then. That isn't me today. Now I know two wrongs don't make a right. I was brought up by narcs so I was being triggered and taking on traits of my narc parents to fight back without realizing it.

[@vickipetrotta8167]

He was so proud when I got to hear his new supply 😃. I put him out at that point.

[@rosaguy9168]

LISA"" i PRAISE GOD for you''' all these year's" i never knew why'' my mother" and father was so"" off balanced"" listening to your childhood' wow'' & looking at my situations" with grown children"" trying to blame me"" for who they are" this day'" thank you for your child experiences' i need your lessons'' you're such a blessing to me'' thank you' stay blessed🌅

[@Katyayanibetha]

I love your videos. They are so helpful. I just wanted to add that the codependency issues aren't always from. home life also. I had a great home life that was peaceful, attentive and loving. It was school that effed me up - being sent back into an abusive environment every single day to school - abuse by my peers, not my teachers, being belitted and looked down upon and seen as inferior.

[@debiforeman1048]

Omg so much yes! All this makes sense

[@mysticrose3543]

People say, " Can the narcissists control their behavior "? They most certainly can. That's why not everyone hates them. They are very specific-and consistent in who they abuse. I was the family scapegoat. And, for example, I didn't do anything that they could claim I did wrong, they would literally make up rumors that I had done something wrong- and report me for it. Specific, ongoing abuse. I cut off all contact with them.

[@bingo1232]

Lisa is a Wise Woman... she names the name and names the game. She is all about helping guiding us to a greater understanding. I honor such as herself, thank you, because I find many teachers, ty, teaching in many places.... and everyone is a blessing. 💗

[@christinaweizmann3050]

Thank you for deconstructing this so eloquently as always Lisa. I find myself rewatching your videos to keep reminding myself about why I left, and my journey to healing.

[@sweetrose813]

Thank you sister! I appreciate your validating my emotions because one of my greatest gripes is how the narcissist charms everybody and they're blind to his behavior. I think it's a strong Spirit of Witchcraft where they cast spells on people. They can be outright mean and nobody sees it they act like they're king of the world! And then downgrade me in front of the whole group and no one sees it! They promote their lies and downgrade the truth

[@yolandaharney3106]

You have helped me in so many ways Lisa... each time I listen to you, which is often, thank you very much, I realize more & more about myself... I see behaviors in people that I have been “close to” for years that have had my head spinning... my eyes have been opened & I can now breathe deep with a bit of knowledge... my so called “best friend” of 25+ years, my past relationship of 6 years & even my mother... I have recently separated from my best friend and left my completely abusive narcissistic relationship... I am stuck with my mother however but I can now see her & understand her for who & what she is & where her behavior comes from... I still keep my distance though... she has my brother to conspire with... again, thank you & all the best in this new year... 🦋

[@Richard-jq6mq]

Arguably the most authorative, accurate and direct targeting of this deadly combination of 'Co-Dependency joined with a Narcissist counterpart' Once you are able to break outside of the Confinement of this prison, even for a moment, a new vision of freedom and liberation will appear. '"The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" Take it!!!

[@quietvalerie1]

Ive been in therapy intensely for a couple years and am much more aware but I feel like I'm still struggling finding a sense of self that I actually recognize and like. Any nuggets of advise are much appreciated. ❤

[@angeliquedemeijere5980]

Yes I have same..😄 integrating me

[@fluffymuffi1]

Take in as much new information as possible, which you're already here doing. You'll run into what resonates with where you're at in the moment and your mind will hold it. Spend more time on these pursuits... follow suggestions KZbin makes to locate other sources, other people articulating their experiences... Little by little you'll carve yourself out of the surrounding noise. It takes a lifetime but it's a the only worthy journey. Begin to watch if you listen to your intuition.... or do you poo poo what you feel. In this vein try to slowly get rid of the "shoulda's" in your life... what you think other people want you to do, and slowly practice acting from what you feel... your intuition, your quiet inner voice. One example for me was no longer making future plans with people out of guilt (I should have dinner with my mother) that I would start to dread weeks in advance. Have patience and faith and trust the process even when you're confused.

[@quietvalerie1]

@@fluffymuffi1 damn!...thank you for the empathetic and well written reply! ❤ I appreciate it. Sometimes the internet can be a lovely and wholesome place. 😊 I'm definitely still stuck in the "shoulds". I've cut off a lot of friends and family and have tried to foster some new ones but I feel I need to fight my instinct to isolate and hide. I want to figure out what I want or at least like and its incredibly hard after so long with forcing myself not to have my own wants and needs. I still see my therapy regularly but I'm starting to think trying to find some kind of groups to try to foster connections and friendships would be ideal. Granted difficult at this time lol. I tried some support groups before as I also had addiction issues but those kinds of groups I always felt super out of place. I know I'm better but I'm not where I want to be yet. All we can do is keep trying right? Hugs. Again thank you so much for your words. 😊❤

[@schellielansing1139]

Thanks so much Lisa. Puzzle pieces were plenty in this video. So glad you shared with us.

[@pattioconnor3075]

This Incredible Woman is sharing life giving Life experience & information that can help those of us still suffering with Narcissistic Abuse examine our part in perpetuating unhealthy thoughts and actions & what we contribute to toxic relationships so we can change & heal. By doing this self examination we can & will be able to avoid reporting the cycle of attracting other Narcissistic relationships in the future.. So Grateful for her dedication & work. It saved me from my victimization to be able to move forward as a happy survivor.

[@tap9685]

This is spot on and you've articulated it on a way that I never could. I needed to hear this today. It's not a coincidence that I stumbled across your video. Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your story. 🙏❤

[@kaylalong1919]

It’s due to a great deal of non stop trauma caused by others and not knowing how to fix it and not knowing there is a problem because they suppress there emotions and feelings so no one can read how they are truely feeling. You think a lot of it has to do with it stemming from childhood

[@lucybraun8969]

I've gotten away from being the giver, but still struggle with having to get attention for myself in conversations, instead of leaning back without letting others just take over. Whatever jury is out, I am very strongly convinced that narcissist traits are environmentally rooted, NOT stemming from genetics.

[@Delfy9292]

You are so correct...it is as though you are narrating my life. Sickening domination and controlling which slowly and surely kills you inside. You are spot on when you said that when a need arises from your side however trivial all hell breaks lose. It becomes a living hell

[@MissKat87]

I am so glad that I came across your videos, I swear every time you describe your up bringing, down to the, “NO health care, needs met.” I am just blown away that I am not alone in this mess of a child hooded, that was stolen from me, by having a narc mother, & step father, who berated me on a daily basis, I was also homeschooled, & a only child. They would make fun of my lack of coordination, & posture, well as I got older, & took myself to the doctor, I found out I have scoliosis!!! And should of had it corrected! And my relationship of 9 years, everything you speak on about your x husband, word for word is how I am spoken at/to. But I want to believe that surely my boy’s dad can not be this way, because that’s just pure evil! He tells me I have dreamed things, that there is no way it was a dream because I found things he had mentioned in the dream later on, (long story!) Also the future faking I believe it’s called, he did that to me for years to have another child! Then when the time came, he says he changed his mind that he was too old!!!! Well ummmm didn’t you know how old you would be when you kept putting me off, then said, “! Ok next year!)

[@triciagaunt8452]

I was able to Recognize that my mother did not have the tools or knowledge because she was Not educated , It was all about survival back then … I would ask her questions That she did not like and I know it’s because it made her uncomfortable And she did not have the answer because she did not know the answer

[@ProfessorNorris1]

So on point. It's epidemic how many people who call themselves Christian use the Bible to manipulate their spouse. I'm sure God not appreciative of the misrepresentation. One thing that helped deflect my ex husband's manipulation of the word( and also whatever pastors or 'biblical counselors' that were clueless also) was my knowledge of it myself. I love Nathaniel Branden's work. His work has helped to empower and grow my sense of self and really appreciate and love and respect myself. With everything we "chew the meat and spit out the bone." Thank you for your work!

[@lucybraun8969]

When narcissist traits are displayed, I can be honest with myself now, but it took me a very long time to get there. But calling them on it is still out of reach for me. I just run now. I feel like all I do now is take self inventoried, rather than readily moving onto a healthy relationship. Can't find one anywhere.

[@marjoriegarner5369]

take a long break from "trying to find" another relationship. I'm 21 years out from trying to find another. I'm 80 yrs old next year. It's exhausting to your body and soul to keep seeking what you need from others.

[@marionhooper9655]

Thank you for giving us a life line to hold on to as we go through the truth pathway.

[@leigh1266]

I am definitely a victim of narcissistic abuse from the time i was a toddler. Even today when my mom wants to see me her message will say i NEED to see you not i want to see you because i love you but i need to see you for the narcissistic supply that i can give her so she can feel loved or important etc. I grew up in an extreamly dysfunctional home and i was the scapegoat in our family! My mother turned on me and told me things over & over that were not true about myself to ruin my self confidence & self esteem! She turned my father and other siblings against me by talking bad about me all the time! I am trying to overcome my anger! I am an empath and i seem to attract sociopaths & narcissistic people! It's difficult being around my family because i always feel like i am being judged and gossipped about all the time. I try to keep my distance setting boundaries but i get the guilt trip!! Somehow they can't see the truth or maybe they think i deserved the abuse. All the acceptance and love went to only one child!! It would have been better if i would have been removed from the home and raised by loving people who were a healthy and functional family. Thank you for this very informative video! 💖

[@carolgates5297]

Siblings pretended I could get past being singled out to be abused by the step parent. It was awful and I hate them for their cognitive dissonance. The mother used me up thinking I was strong so I could forgive her and them. To a degree but I still don't want to visit them anymore.

[@disappearingremedy7400]

This material not only resonates but encourages me on my healing path.💜🙏💕

[@schellielansing1139]

I have felt sorry for my husband. He was treat bad growing up. Teased and humiliated. His Aunt told me a lot about what he went thru as a kid. But then I said to her. But what about me. I want love and affection and my husband just can’t do it. She said he shows love by doings things for me and buying me color he’s and such. Well. I still need love and affection. So that’s what I’ve missed all these years.

[@dianedeclare8541]

@@luciddreams5200 it is the problem i have had with patriarchal religion that so much is expected of women to be sacrificial in careGiving. We need to be caring, with disciplined boundaries, for our children but Not for an adult male. I am not saying these narcissist personalities r all men. In seeking the "sisterhood" i had great expectations only to discover that some women r also coniving/competitive within their women friendships.

[@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485]

@@luciddreams5200 there are two roles the man must love his wife as Christ loved the church and the wife must respect/submit to her husband. My experience is men don’t fulfill their role very well anymore and nor do women. Just to clarify my wife withheld love sex and affection from me in marriage but I was codependent so I was not authentically fulfilling my role either. I definitely can understand that a women having been in a relationship with a narc is not to enthused about submitting. It’s just important to understand all the scriptures and roles of both and once you heal and come from a healthy place you can have authentic relationships. If you are with a healthy person you give from a healthy place, you love, respect and submit from a healthy place because this person won’t confuse you about the relationship. Hopefully this helps, and to me getting to heaven is more important than anything else so my first love is God. There is a rhyme and reason to God and his word (the Bible). Yes people twist it, just read it for yourself and apply. It will bless you.

[@saundradriscoll282]

I totally relate with you. My mom was just like yours. My mom was so cruel to me too. For 20 years I tried to get my mom’s love. That never happened. Lisa you help me so much. So thankful for you. Thank you for your wisdom🙋‍♀️

[@joannpelliccio-lindgren2969]

You have lived my exact life! Thank you for providing some pieces of the puzzle that have been missing all my life.

[@joannpelliccio-lindgren2969]

@@oscarwilliamson1264 No longer.

[@codyb2946]

Always wondered how you can meet somebody and purposely leave them worse than the way you found them.

[@vivavidadela]

And be proud of it.

[@divinaflamingarrow9556]

Yes researching better understanding of them and those who are abused by narcissist. We need the support to help everyone. Every wound is damaging and has it's challenging fallout.

[@felisebatchelor6197]

I could listen to you all day Lisa. I’m happy that you have a good relationship now with Anthony. Blessings to you both

[@lisaaromano1]

Namaste 🙏

[@wanda4573]

Amazes me how the over many years the nar says how disappointed they are with their lot (kids and grankids) or point out often who their favourite is and go on about the amazing holidays they take with the specail golden child and how adorable the golden child kids are.