3 Ways to Avoid The Narcissist's Triangulation Trap by Lise Leblanc

[@kayakins3051]

It happens in families too. Mom to daughter , father to son , mom to son , sister to brother or sister. Etc. It’s the gift that keeps giving.. Toxic personality is toxic no matter what the diagnosis.

[@windysmith7367]

So true. Learned this the hard way.

[@guillermogalindo6190]

Look what happens when you start taking accountability, asking for forgiveness, expressing honestly of your emotions. Some will change and others will use it against you. The ones who change are probably surviving the real problem people. It's generational trauma you are experiencing. You need to talk action in order for it to not be passed down. Why mental health is so important!

[@AlexRyan]

The incessant drama was one of the things that fascinated me the most about the behavior of my ex. She created bi-directional hostility between me and her friends and family AND tried to turn my friends and family against me with false allegations of abuse. I found all of this extremely odd at the time because she was destroying “herself” and “us” as much as she was destroying “me”. I *think* that her divide-and-rule failure in a previous relationship resulted in people ganging up on her and confronting her for her bad behavior. I *think* the lesson she learned from that large loss of supply, was to get better at playing the “triangulation trap” game.

[@licmir3663]

She didn’t learn. In fact, she won’t learn. She’s destined to use the same failed tactics over and over, always expecting a different result. When inevitably everything goes bad, she’ll blame the world for going after her or being unfair, and then she’ll try to start all over again with a new set of people (including her next partner), only to fail again.

[@AlexRyan]

Unfortunately, I believe this to be mostly true. I believe that their brain physiology does not allow them to enter into sustained system 2 thinking where deep learning is possible because moral restraint is a precondition for the emergence of that skill. Many of us have a tendency to get angry at them for not doing something that their brain physiology is incapable of doing. It’s not their fault. We will cure the disease by adding a little gray matter to the left anterior insula.

[@osmondfisher69]

My narcissist was so bad I resigned from my job because she was stalking and threatening me, that she made false allegations about me to my job. I filed an order of protection against her and she has not stopped trying to contact me. She’s tried to love boom my, sending me videos and text messages about her new boyfriend and how abusive he’s been to her. After following your advice, I’ve taken back control of my life and blocked her calls and deleted her messages before reading them. Thank you 🙏🏿

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

They never grow tired of triangulation! Please teach us how to set boundaries and walk away when you live with them! 😢

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

Yup.. this is my New friend. How many New friends have been discarded..?

[@rose-sk2qv]

I wish lol he won't move, I'm certainly not adding homelessness to the things that I've been through for him, and leave the place I'm comfortable in ,I can neither afford or able to leave

[@prophet1782]

My narc mum would taunt me as soon as she saw my Empath sis and me together. My narc aunt would humiliate me whenever my cousin and me together. My devilish paternal grandma was poisonous towards me and my empath sis. 8 out of 11 were narcs in my family. I was the scapegoat.

[@RS-ms1bz]

My now ex wife who is a covert narcissist used her late husband as the third party in the triangulation. I never saw it while I was stuck in her fog, it it’s clear as day now.

[@zachgardner2927]

I have a narcissistic mother, she managed to convince her doctor that she needed a power chair back and neck "injuries' and she NEVER used it, here we are 21+ years later and she still doesn't use a power chair. She convinced her doctor that she needed surgery on her back and they installed a titanium rod in her upper back. She managed to bend the rod and had to get it removed. I later asked her if they had put a new rod in and she said "No" which I thought was a bit suspicious. She even made a business deal with me and then threw it in my face later when it was her idea to begin with. I'm 39 years old now and finally see the light even though my brother and sister are sort of turning against me now. Little do they know that they are still under her control, but it's not my job to convince them to get out while they can, it must be their decision and I can't make that decision for them. Thanks for the content!

[@rltobing8304]

The ex Narc in Silk stockings.. Would create Triangles all the time... when she used my children, I set a boundary, a line in the Sand... then she used my clients and my employees as a way to create, what I would later term as frictional energy. All designed to keep me on the defensive. After an explosive intermission we no longer have any relationship whatsoever and the calm is priceless. Thank you Lisa B.

[@Honeypepper.]

If you continue to refer to someone as "My narc" you are still trauma bonded to them and will find it harder to completely let go even in thought. Trying saying "The narc" instead.

[@rltobing8304]

@@Honeypepper. Without a doubt I'm still bonded to her and every day is a better day than yesterday. But I'm not out of the woods yet. Thank you for your response.

[@miguelferrariart]

They also invite a 3rd party without your concern.

[@Hairyderriere]

💯

[@AshleyRichardt]

Mine did this all the time. We’d be planning a weekend out together and all of a sudden other people were showing up that me ex invited and I’d find out last minute.

[@wssometimesavowel3639]

Or uninviting you after you've made plans ie. Asked off, planned ahead, declined other people. Their misery loves company, their joyful laughter is found when hindering, stifling, tripping and stumbling other's growth to a point of stagnation. Hope you guys have found peace. Im still struggling but things are improving as time passes. I feel better alone now than with others, maybe it's the hermetic(ally) sealed life for me.

[@jamesneal5690]

So true

[@annlatham]

and that ruins the marriage but she’s doing you the favor 💯

[@beaglerescue5281]

I love knowing the tactics of the narcissist. Knowledge is power and useful to protect oneself from their manipulations. I love watching them try their Tomfoolery. It’s fascinating.

[@MaestroMaxim]

Your content is on point! Making sense of this & getting others to validate this abuse is exhausting.

[@weta-linetv5354]

8:12 Miss Leblanc, I personally believe that this habit is due to them getting caught and eachtime they feel as though their circle of friends need to be tested for loyalty. I am so glad that I did the work necessary to be free from such entitled structures of companionship. It is a liberating feeling to embrace that if someone can not or will not respect one's boundaries, then how can one see one's actions as friendly? I hope you have a lovely day miss, thankyou.

[@flexjay87]

I know at least 4 women, who are in a battle for power, involving one of which is my significant other, and now it involves family separation, and I get tired of it.

[@AgneDei]

This hits so hard. Straight to the point, and it does hurt a bit... It seems that the brain of a decent, moral human being is very quick to forget the horrible monster that a narcissist ex-wife was, and it's easy to get caught treating them like a normal human being...

[@yaakkiis0ba]

it's not just a narc's tactic, it's defo a person with bpd's too

[@bonitobonita9263]

All cluster B are narc

[@yaakkiis0ba]

@@bonitobonita9263 i agree

[@wssometimesavowel3639]

How can it be fixed? Community service, helping others selflessly, they're not attributes or actions held in high esteem or followed alongside society so I feel selfishness is a western socioeconomic problem if not now genetically anthropological. It's a result of having to be independent away from any tribe. Losing connections, moving, pariahed, feeling unloved, forcefully isolated, targeted, imprisoned, boxed into a labeled unchangeable category, or picked apart, having kindness traits taken advantage of by people who are real narcississ, there are some who plot and use tactics to gain advantage. Others who are just impared with short term memory loss unfortunately the ones who plot using impairment tactics hinder the actual ones impaired and even target them as prey. I have ADHD and am often isolated because ppl dont trust me even though I'm typically pretty honest, I dont take favorite sides, Im impartial and people dont like that. I also spend so much time studying that I have more knowledge than most about everything, yet no one comes to me for advice because they've been taken advantage of by someone who I remind them of. It's very painful to find out someone has been suffering, not come to you for help bc they're intimidated and have a false mental image of you believed or created slanderous accusations or assumed delusions about your character because you fell short of their expectations somehow.

[@wssometimesavowel3639]

Also isolating an individual further strengthens their independence and separation enhancing their narcissistic traits and false core beliefs that friends are only temporary, kindness is weakness, it's a dog eat dog world, get them before they get you, no one is going to love you, never show people the real you, people avoid the real you.

[@AckDue]

​@@wssometimesavowel3639I read (can't quote) that the comorbidity is over 40%. (BPDs with NPD)

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Thank you for the timely reminder, I keep falling for the BS she spouts and need to try to keep my distance from this master manipulator.

[@thrivingnow7395]

You know what the saying is about abuse from these demons John Smith? Fall down seven times, get up eight! Keep strong and keep safe!

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@thrivingnow7395 she came back with this desperate act for help. I helped but found being around her too stressful, too much deceit, so I'm finished now for good. No more help from me. Just tying up loose ends.

[@AlexRyan]

This video is very useful. Just having a name like “Triangulation Trap” that we can use to map to the divide-and-rule pattern we have observed enables us (1) to better notice its emergence and (2) to orient ourselves to it appropriately.

[@MUHAMMADNAEEM0]

Now sometimes i think it's me I'm the narcissist 😢.... cuz i am always blamed ... Feels like I'm losing my self 💔😞

[@kieranoconnor333]

Thank you for all help you provide through these videos 🙏

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you very much for your support and contribution!😄

[@beaglerescue5281]

Now I understand why my narcissist daughter liked the tv show Pretty Little Liars. She was learning the trade.

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

Yeah they love these kinds of shows, also court case dramas.

[@AlexRyan]

Re: “You may struggle to understand the motives behind their actions” The more I deeply understand these demons, the more genuinely sad I feel for them. It seems they have no choice but to seek to control others. With no affective empathy, they are not only unrestrained by conscience but they cannot accurately predict the intentions of others and they actually believe that we are unrestrained by conscience too. Imagine living life that way. It would be hell. Life is an unrelenting zero-sum game for them. With no affective empathy, they see non-existent threats everywhere and the only way they can feel safe is by asserting dominance over us before we do it to them. Although WE see their manipulative behavior as spreading chaos, I think it actually helps them to reduce the amount of chaos they are experiencing. It’s the only option they have to do so. They destroy everything in an attempt to extinguish non-existent threats. No affective empathy is a totally destructive learning disability.

[@yaakkiis0ba]

No thanks. Nice try tho person with bpd

[@AlexRyan]

@@yaakkiis0ba No thanks to what, precisely?

[@mattlacasse5828]

This is GOLD

[@nateiverson6949]

I have an example that wasn't obvious at the time. Feigning concern about your other friendships/relationships. (Usually mutuals but not always) (Causing the other person to open up and vent)

[@guillermogalindo6190]

You could probably do a whole series on how this can take place in the work place. I've seen clients get good employees fired with this.

[@DiegoDonati1975]

You are the best

[@japanesereadingandwriting]

Excellent advice.

[@tuhinsuryachakraborty]

My narcissistic ex girlfriend destroyed me emotionally. I am struggling to move on.

[@princessp1361]

This hit so hard because i have been there with these toxic individuals and all they do is try and make themselves look better than you its really a sick mind im glad im not notjing like them i knew i did tbe right thing by leaving

[@michignamymichigan]

Thank you. This very clear and helpful.

[@Patricia-jb8bc]

Brilliant. So helpful. So much appreciate. Thanks Lise

[@marigolds49]

Thank you so much, Lise for being here for us--you are so appreciated!💕

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[@NeonMoonPi]

The narc ex introduced me to several of her gf’s… I had no clue they were literally her gf’s

[@Michael-iw3ek]

Kinda like judo - if you manage to keep putting your opponent off-balance, then you can throw him.

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

Thank you. ❤

[@mangoproduction5993]

Thank You.

[@DP-ne7jv]

Thanks Lise you are always spot on. Have a Happy New Year :)

[@nietwojinteres7278]

Wow. Another eye opener. They also use triangulation to create their flying monkeys who will mindlessly believe everything they say, and will try to demean any of the narcissist's enemies... Who often happen to be their (ex) partners.

[@princhipessa1969]

I once asked my ex if she was triangulating me and the fact that she knew what it meant gave me my answer! I never knew what triangulation meant til I started researching her shit behaviors.

[@jemmacooper-xc4mm]

I'm in the same situation with my ex. I am also a lesbian. I'm sure it's even harder because you just don't expect it from a woman and put your trust in them even more. But they are the worst coverts ever. Well she definitely was. My head is still messed from it all but wow, she managed to triangulate so much and blame me for it saying I was triangulating. No, you dumped.me and told me to move on and when I did, you came back because you could 'feel I was gone'. They really do a twisted number on you. The gaslighting is real. I hope we both manage to get through it 🙏

[@princhipessa1969]

@@jemmacooper-xc4mm sorry this has happened to you as well. Yep, I put my complete trust in her and for years I either didn’t pay attention to the red flags or shrugged them off as her sensitivity (!) little did I know what was really going on. As you said, the switch flipping happened often and you’re just left shaking your head like (wtf?)! My aha moment was this bizarre circular argument she had with me til I kicked her out of my house. I said “this is not normal!” Currently we have not spoken since November when she unfollowed me to chase some woman beyond her usual type and getting eaten alive by her no doubt (no pun- lol)!! I hope you are healing, it’s been a long road!!

[@brockdg1]

My step son is a classic narcissistic person. The 4td person here is his father. (2nd marriage) I believe he is threatened by me as far as “taking “ daddy away. He is married to a woman far less emotionally and educationally his inferior. He constantly attacks me verbally, when I answer his questions, he turns the words around snd wants to make it look like I’m kicking him out of HiS family. He has a criminal history of theft of mom’s gun and conceal, statutory rape, concealed drugs. He was in prison for this. My husband’s family has minimal psych history. He did not live on this coast but moved to be near his father. His mother is married to another woman and his brother to another man. He resents all and talks disparagingly about them. He has broken into my house claiming he can break in anywhere he wants. I’m now in therapy just trying to deal with this.

[@bonitobonita9263]

Personality disorders are made by the environment that the person is been in since their childhood. So, when your step son is like that, your husband(his father) is a part of the abuse the step son’s suffered. Maybe the father isn’t the one who Abused him narcissistically directly, but at least was being enabler of the abuse of other people in their family. Be careful. It’s not the only that step son.

[@YouilAushana]

Petty petty petty. Thanks and Love you doc

[@ForEverKath]

Can you talk about how a male narsissist will use his own illness against you?

[@ForEverKath]

@@JoeGreen-uu3bu probably not, but as a woman with an ex who is a narsissict, thats how and why the question was asked.

[@hakunakahuna]

Responding to 5:49. I CAN'T walk away, because my teenage son still lives with her. And the people he associates with most are in her friend circle. I walked away years ago, in the sense that I no longer associate with her or any of her friends. The problem is that I never could walk away from my son, so I sometimes must still cross paths with these people, and deal with knowing they are pawns who have no clue about what is really happening. On top of it, I can't even tell my son the truth about his mother, because 1) I would appear to him to be the bad guy, and 2) his mother could spin the story to the court to make it appear I am "talking badly about her to him" and alienating him, when she was the real alienator the entire time! This is such a fkd up situation, and I lament every day that I was ignorant about NPD before I married that succubus. I would have done so many things differently.

[@Trey-p2x]

This literally describes my new ex gf in every way. It’s like I was in so much pain, thinking I lost the best woman in the world potentially because of how my grandmother would talk to me about the situation. Now I’m realizing she was manipulating me and the little family I have, and I was just dealing with a monster. A covert narcissist in literally every way that Lise describes in these videos. The worst part? I was in a 6+ year marriage to an overt who became an alcoholic mess a year before I met this girl a year ago.

[@georgesonm1774]

How do I find out if I'm a narcissist myself, or not?

[@31416]

My relationship resembled Variegation In The Triangle by Vasily Kandinsky. 😂

[@janettekreulen54]

When the narc family friends come to your house stay out the way. Suddenly you go for a walk, shopping.

[@JaneLord-j3s]

There's a therapist named Lise Leblanc who makes videos about women that aren't wifey material, and she recently included CPTSD as a red flag label This post is also about the stigma surrounding PDs.

[@plusone8015]

"Get a haircut and get a real job Clean your act up and don't be a slob Get it together like your big brother Bob Why don't you get a haircut and get a real job?" G. Thorogood

[@joshuamagee8175]

Yes yes yes

[@jonsnow911]

1:30, 4:50

[@owenebbers3087]

Hahahaha this was my life for years. Glad to know what it is

[@AW-kr9fl]

My ex would make up imaginary “boyfriends” after we split to make me jealous. I found out she was lying by looking at her friend’s social media posts which proved they were somewhere together. My ex had told me she was with a “bf”…She would also tell me that she was dating successful and rich doctors and lawyers, I didn’t have proof those times but I’m sure they would never date an unemployed narcissist like her…

[@iamtheroadwanderer]

👍👍

[@Mara_143]

🎯🎯🎯

[@sipcologiaaldia-vt6qw]

🥰🥰🥰

[@lilaccilla]

why would a woman have an affair with a married man for example?

[@nicholecornes1915]

Fuck that

[@jjducci]

Sooo I’m pretty convinced that you are an angel disguised as a woman. Anyone else think so?

[@JaneLord-j3s]

Please see what this lady is doing to poor men who need help, and poor women who are not out there to ruin men. Below is just one blog I have found and I am going to do my best to find more and have this stopped, you are damaging so many people.

[@erickter007]

Not true. She's been helping me and countless others identify BPD, NPD, and CPTSD. Your comment sounds crazy... like a narc stirring up trouble with triangulation. Maybe you're jealous of her.

[@iansuderman]

You are so right. I have in my circle of people a violent narcissist. Constantly does this. It's the only element that consistently describes him. I immediately am nervous about people wanting to friend me who vent about others. I somehow have blinders on when it's a date. I know realize one girlfriend was doing this to me. She had this horrible friend. I never met the friend but it created situations where she'd get dragged into drama. Like a repeated phone call from a guy who she didn't like. Turns out her friend gave my girlfriend's number as her number at a club. Such a pathetic play. Anyway my girlfriend couldn't drop this girl. I know get it was more than just mean spirited. My girlfriend must have been playing both of us. Must have told her I was horrible. So her friend gave out her number to guys to get rid of me. I am so niaeve I didn't get when my girlfriend was lying. Mind you I didn't care that much at the time. I was more interested in getting her kids stable enough and out of deep problems. Definitely see now she was playing her friend and me.

[@mekman4]

Thank you.