Fake vs Real Empathy | How To Tell The Difference Lise Leblanc

[@mjnc3672]

I've found that people who have the need to tell everyone how empathetic they are, what a good person they are, usually are anything but these qualities.

[@jackiep5009]

This!

[@BigWindyVet]

Always either the victim or the hero, and can’t wait to tell everybody all about it.

[@garyharris4366]

This was a good video discussion because I've noticed that many covert narcissist are becoming Life Coaches now. They will act like they are there for you, but the moment you go to them for support, they treat you like a burden. Always be careful with who you share your trauma with.

[@IshtarNike]

I had a covert narc manager. She was effusive when it came to talking about how we need to support each other at work. About how she was there for me. But as soon as I needed help she literally shut down and just repeated vague corporate platitudes at me. It was really creepy actually. Like I poured my heart out on WhatsApp and she sent a single sentence reply. "Let me know how I can support you." I said some more. "I hope you feel better. Let me know how I can help". Like no engagement. It wasn't a conversation. It felt like talking to a robot. When I got back to work she gave me the silent treatment because my issues were making her look bad. She immediately dumped me on someone else to be managed by which was actually a blessing in disguise. She's an awful manager and quite a nasty person deep down. Glad I didn't last long with her.

[@PaXeGo]

i have a meeting 12th april. im so scared itll happen, if so i dont know what to do next.

[@E.Hunter.Esquire]

You sure that's not a communal narc?

[@JohnDomenica]

that's crazy bro. were u paying cash to these covert narcy "life coaches", or insurance...?

[@garyharris4366]

@@JohnDomenica Cash. It's like they target the life coaching industry now because they know people are vulnerable, and are looking for ways to make their pain go away. They show fake empathy. And are hypocrites. It was truly a lesson learned.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

If i tried to tell my ex how i felt her behaviour was selfish or unreasonable, she would always get defensive and attack me, as if she felt so uncomfortable with any criticism she had to deny what i said she was doing. She was never prepared to just stay silent and reflect on what i said. Absolutely impossible.

[@The_Mim]

My husband does this. It's so heartbreaking, invalidating and exhausting 😢 😪 😞 💔

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@The_Mim it is truly heartbreaking. I think unfortunately they just get worse also. 💔😥

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

​@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I agree with that totally 100% sadly x

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@amandajohnson-williams7718 so frustrating and for me ultimately heartbreaking. I wish you well.

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I wish you well too John! Learning about Narcissism is very empowering and thank goodness gives us the tools to deal with these disordered people. Life suddenly gets better! A huge step in the right direction 👍💟

[@AlexRyan]

The level of fake empathy in society is higher than I have ever seen before. Share this video far and wide to help good people better protect themselves.

[@husqrok]

+1 were being manipulated by media, narcistic people are being praised too much and they show fake achievements in their small media circle as "reality shows".

[@blaqshiep4920]

Narcissists are everywhere. It is not rare. It is common.

[@AlexRyan]

@@blaqshiep4920 And growing more common, unfortunately. Since the birth of civilization, “natural selection” has switched to favor the children of God, but “sexual selection” still favors the children of Satan. For this reason, periodic civilizational collapse is also “not rare. It is common.”

[@husqrok]

@@blaqshiep4920 yep, 10%. But mostly it's narcissism, not full blown cha zhing.. there's criterias for sure, but if U see someone attacking and belittling you with platter sized pupils that's smaller than you gathering weapons under bed for "just in case"(to-be-fiancee), for no reason making a cover stories beforehand, it's bad. And it's this. More than likely, 4me if it's 9/10 examples, it's this. And the behaviour when walking in public places struck me most, it was model example. Idk, I really don't know, I wish someone will grab me good away from this mess, in a way I see nothing wrong. Anyways, life is life but/and love is the way. God bless. No idols before god, GOD Speed. 🍄☔

[@francesbernard2445]

I wonder if it could be called the Zeitgeist of our era while the majority of people realize what has to change in our communities to prevent narcissists from increasing in number. Perhaps finding more ways to be limiting the influence that leaders in the military including people who work in military intelligence roles and leaders in professional contact sports and leading race car drivers have in public over us whenever any one of us from the lowly to the great in public status whenever calling our representatives in government about a concern could be the answer.

[@KaoticCrashing]

I fell so hard because I got out 2 toxic relationships before I met the covert and I opened up to her soooo easily and quick… she played me so well I see it all so clearly now but I really see it’s because I ignored my gut… I had to learn to hold boundaries and trust my intuition… now this will never happen again 😊 I don’t blame myself but I do look at how my codependency allowed these relationships to happen over and over… now though I see I need to value myself the same was I was able to value these relationships

[@RyanChand-c5b]

this needs to be taught in schools

[@anthonyinsani9914]

No doubt!

[@meganbroad6981]

1000% agree

[@allanwhite1533]

Yep, my mother was a vulnerable narcissist who always played the victim and there was never a viable solution to her endless problems, most of her own creation. Until I started to learn about narcissistic patterns and narcissistic abuse, I always wondered what was wrong with me for loosing empathy for her many crises. Only recently have I come to understand that this is a normal response to the narcissist's chronic victimhood.

[@sabaidee5587]

Covert narcs are the worst.

[@allanwhite1533]

@@sabaidee5587 I agree whole heartedly! With an overt grandiose narc, they can easily be spotted from a mile away and they use a lot of direct insults and criticisms to diminish your self worth. With a vulnerable covert narc, you really have to know what to look for in order to see the pathology behind their behavior and really grasp at what it is they're seeking to do to you

[@lucasrinaldi9909]

@@allanwhite1533 I've been obsessed with this topic for the last few months. I really can't know whether or not I'm a narcissist. I have some characteristics, but I am capable of feeling empathy and self-analyzing/criticizing. I'm afraid that these traits could evolve into a fully narcissistic personality. I really don't know how to get rid of this fear and obsession.

[@allanwhite1533]

@@lucasrinaldi9909 I've heard it said that one characteristic at the centerpiece of narcissism is the tendency to elevate oneself at the expense or diminishment of others. Manipulativeness and exploitation often go hand and hand with this. Sometimes if a person has been with a narcissist for any length of time, a lot of the abuse, gaslighting, and criticism will leave a person wondering if they themselves aren't narcissists.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

I was grateful when my sister started to learn to fake empathy in our twenties. It’s always the same formula, said without feeling, but already so much better than the open coldness of before. I’ll take it.

[@matt-df3xc]

Thanks Lise. The mask slipped during one of these situations. While I supported and was empathetic towards her and her problems and issues, when it was time to reciprocate, the pretence of concern and compassion evaporated and I got a hostile and aggressive response. As I was shocked at this hostility I said fine let’s break up, whereby she immediately went back into loveboming and sex bombing to stop losing her supply of empathy towards her and all her significant problems. I was fooled, but got out in the end.

[@KaoticCrashing]

Me too man you aren’t alone

[@laurasku1771]

Hi Lise and everybody! Absolutely shocking type of people... I was thrown in a situation with someone I've known for a while, I've noticed some odd behaviour few times over the years but didn't think too much about it as we've never been too close and in general she was quite nice person, until one day she just lashed out almost screaming in my face... telling me off about something I didn't do right. I was so shocked, couldn't,t believe my eyes and ears! But what came next was more shocking and sooo confusing as she said it was me who was shouting and not her, it was me who was aggressive and not her and actually I am too sensitive and I just overreacted. She never apologised but demanded an apology from me. Luckily I know who I am , I also know the truth but... oh gosh it did shake my world massively until I came across a tv programme where "gaslighting" was mentioned, I started digging and finding more info about it all as it felt familiar and the picture started to became very clear!!! And the fake empathy... it is written all over this person!!! Thank you so much Lise for your eye opening videos, what helps in these difficult situations is the knowledge ♥

[@IshtarNike]

I began to understand how fake the empathy was because after I separated from my wife - literally walked out the front door and didn't come back - she sent me all these weird apologetic sounding (the word sorry wasn't ever used) messages where she told me about how she should have done better...it was all vague platitudes. Like SO generic it was almost laughable. After probably 6 months of hell she hadn't taken in a SINGLE thing I'd been saying. Not a single thing. Nothing I'd been saying was addressed in her messages. I was floored. But it really added extra weight to the idea that she had zero empathy. That whole time she hadn't been listening to me at all. She was just waiting for her turn to speak (usually to minimise my concerns and gaslight me about my experiences). It's truly sickening.

[@LaVidaLocaHomie]

I'd pay to see her fall for another narcissist equal to her. Should be a reality show that records those fireworks. 🤡🌎

[@jackiep5009]

I got a discard Dear Jane letter as well where Hurt Hurting and Pain was used over and over. “That two people can’t coexist without hurting each other” kind of stuff Love was used ZERO times

[@RaffertyMBTI]

6:55 is mind boggling and brutal to experience. They pretend to take your side so realistically and then they change.

[@RaffertyMBTI]

They feel autistic to me except instead of getting obsessed with things outside themselves, they get obsessed with themselves and are incapable of thinking about anything else. The sense of ineptitude is so strong. @@wy498

[@gregoryritchie7852]

I was really taken in by fake empathy person - and it's been taking YEARS for me to see this more clearly.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Theyll kill your confidence

[@gregoryritchie7852]

@@dennisrobinson8008 Absolutely right - I speak from experience.

[@meganbroad6981]

Me too ✋️

[@bellesterbeatty3571]

My x-narc was so pleased that he did not speak to his mom for 2-3 decades. Supposedly for abuse. When his mom was passing, I watched him put a drop of tap water ,(fake tear) under his eye. Made a big production of everyone seeing this 'tear." Fake tear. Then he paid the most for the headstone. He was the HERO!!

[@twoplustwoequalsfour48]

Empathy can solve most of the world's problems.....starting with me❤

[@kgees3699]

Fool me once shame on you, fool me 28 years shame on my ignorance ! Im so thankful I found your channel.. so clear now.. thank you

[@BigWindyVet]

Same here. Our 28th anniversary is in January. It will be the last. We are in the discard stage and getting divorced. In the divorce text, yes test, she said she thinks I’m a covert narcissist. That had me wondering, am I? I started doing some research and found that she checks all the boxes and was very skillfully playing her long game. I am so glad my eyes have been opened, but will forever regret the years I could have been with somebody that could have made me happy. He’ll, even being alone would be better then the last ten years. We have kids, and that’s what has made it so hard to leave. They are the reason I’ve stayed. She has them convinced she’s the greatest and all the problems in the house are because of me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix that. That’s what hurts the most.

[@skvaderfpv]

Hello Lisa, it has been your videos that dropped in my autoplay some months ago that opened my eyes to the deep struggles I had in the relationship with my wife and mother of my four children. All pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Afterwards even the pieces, I did not know about showed up. I feel like you saved my life and that of my children. We will need a lot of therapy. But we will build a better future with my covert NPD (soon to be ex-) wife. On a distance from our lives. Thank you so much.

[@husqrok]

Godspeed 🙏 Remember to not react, but observe. And don't expose her, she'll attack you and your social circle. Been there, it can get nasty and there's mutual children involved. Take care bro

[@jasonjones4492]

It's like being on a freaking hamster wheel great video Lisa!

[@tuckedawaycanada]

All I can say is WOW. This video opened my eyes to better understand a personal situation i've went through. Thank you, Lise!

[@ShikisaiMaki]

I'm autistic, and I tend to ask a lot of deep/personal questions quickly out of genuine curiosity (I also tend to overshare), and I'm highly empathetic (I tend to be codependent.) Watching this and other videos about narcissists, I realize that some people probably misidentified me as being narcissistic. 😢💔 @Lise Leblanc could you cover this topic if you haven't already? Thanks!

[@jpo3801]

Most don't like negativity. As long as you don't speak badly about people around others you won't be seen in a bad light . Don't use people . Do things mutually and try and break some comfort zones . Autism is a power . Use it for good and people will notice

[@ShikisaiMaki]

@@jpo3801Thanks for you reply. Oh I surely do! My whole life revolves around helping others. 😅 I just had a few moments in my life where I seemed to be misunderstood and when I saw this video, I wondered if maybe they interpreted things I said as some form of love bombing, etc. I would like this topic to be covered in a video so I could show it to people who seem to confuse autistic behaviors with narcissism.

[@jpo3801]

@ShikisaiMaki personally .. I think The Internet and new societal norms are manipulating us to hate each other . Over thinking and hyper analysing stuff isnt healthy yet here we are . A certain generation has become vacuous, self centered and so pretentious they will believe they cant be wrong .As long as you're humble and empathic you'll be ok

[@jeanamarie3785]

Yep I’m autistic as well and my fiancé was watching this video thinking I’m a narcissist when in actuality he’s the one who Carrie’s most of these traits not me.

[@neilairwin4342]

It is very hard for a narcissist to feel empathy since they see the world as a very hostile, dangerous, cruel place, a dog eat dog reality, that life, society, nature, God, and people are intrinsically evil or harshly competitive, and all goodness is merely a front to gain things in life, whether emotional or material. So even of you are an empath and do good for others, they either see it as transactional event for you or someone to merely gain something from them or others in the future, even if they do not see as yet what that may be, they do not see it as genuine. Even if they see it as genuine they will view it as a form of weakness by someone who is naive, and cannot yet see the world as evil or competitive as they the narcissist knows it really is, that the winner takes all in every aspect of life, and they are giving the empath or do-gooder a good harsh lesson and that they deserve to be abused for their naivety about life, and for their innate pathetic weakness, which the narcissist is immune from.

[@heathenmedusa]

Great example of cognitive empathy 👏

[@ma3alimezo82]

Very well said.

[@ma3alimezo82]

Currently in court proceedings iver child. All my natural care is being labeled as fake. Long long story ...

[@blaireofhylia1572]

Are you suggesting god is not evil? 😅

[@AlexRyan]

Some narcissists believe that EVERYBODY is “FAKING EMPATHY”. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. If something is beyond the realm of your perception, would it not be rational to doubt its existence?

[@traviscarlton4500]

Keen observation

[@RyanChand-c5b]

the game concept you were referring to reminded me of an ex stalking me she was truly crazy

[@wwilliams4743]

These concepts definitely apply to friendships as well as romantic relationships. I've been burned by two narcissistic friends over the years. But now I know how to spot the personality type, and it gets easier and easier to avoid them.

[@blaireofhylia1572]

I'm probably a narcissist, I'm trying my best to be a good person but it's definitely a heavily stigmatized mental illness and I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to be a worthy person in the eyes of people who watch these kinds of videos

[@Joe-hf3cn]

My empathy is the singular reason I haven’t blocked. I am going back & forth as I speak. My stomach is literally turning. So tired of being ignored & used yet I can’t do it. Just want it to end-the ruminating, anger, self-doubting

[@walkietalkie6679]

Mixed signals is a clear sign . their not attached to you.. once I realize that I called all my powers back to me ... one sided love ain't no fun

[@Joe-hf3cn]

@@walkietalkie6679 thank you for your thoughtful comment. It’s true what you say about mixed signals. I’ve since moved on, though the pain of what I perceived as a betrayal still lingers. The fact of the matter is that I didn’t even need their love. It was the cruelty that is unforgivable. They say the healing is an internal job, so that’s where the focus is.

[@walkietalkie6679]

@@Joe-hf3cn becoming stronger is all I have left.. raise in vibration above the pain

[@throttlebuff]

bail motherfucker!!! after a few days your subconscious picks up on the fact that you are protecting yourself and starts to chip in with self confidence

[@throttlebuff]

the ruminating is torture. it's why i am here

[@menemme]

Dear Lise, in my 2 year experience with a female covert narc, her going to therapy produced the main result of her being even more able to camouflage her empathy and love to an unprecendented level. She wasn't manipulative but she could fake it like a real artist. The only tiny red flag i had was a distinct inner feeling that her " i love yous" had a quick expiration date, but not because they were quickly replaced by hostility, on the contrary stability and an appearance of harmony remained. All other points you mentioned happened exactly as you stated.

[@SkorpXIII]

@menemme isn't that the point of the therapy? To help the person learn better skills for masking? They can't feel the way you feel things. So the only thing they could gain from therapy is how to behave better or treat others better, right? I mean what else can they do other than "mask" ?

[@EdfromCanada]

Very true. This crystallized exactly what I went through. It is, as you say, a manipulative technique to gain control of you and the situation. This was so worthwhile in helping me to get out of a nasty situation.

[@roxymovie3938]

1. Very attentive 2. Asking personal questions Data gathering - using against you 3. Validation - devaluation 4. Offering to help you, the hero 5. Playing the victim 6. Emotional mirroring 7. Concern in public

[@andrewrees8749]

All of those , so manipulative and always one step ahead of you

[@roxymovie3938]

@@andrewrees8749 yes, always a step ahead of you...and that creates big confusion

[@user-DeDeGe]

Yes, 👍💯

[@mochachaiguy]

Wow, my gf (will be 70 in Nov) is such a covert narcissist. She shares her health trials and tribulations with EVERYONE she talks to, and I get to witness how she changes the details for more effect depending on who she’s speaking to. I recently overheard one of her friends finally jokingly say “can we talk about something less depressing for a while?” If I said that, there’d be hell to pay.

[@MyBeautifulHealth]

This does not sound like narcissism to me… sounds more like somebody who is desperate to be heard. Has this woman ever been validated in all of her (nearly) 70 years?!

[@throttlebuff]

i think that's all mine knows how to talk about. the doctors think it's actually a mental condition where your brain rewires itself to cause the pain. i laughed and told her that her being so selfish and thinking about herself and how she feels all the time has caused her to be sick and hurting. needless to say we aren't together anymore

[@mochachaiguy]

@@throttlebuff Glad you're free of that.

[@a.a.2001]

thank you so much for this video. it isn't something i've heard talked about very much in the discourse about narcissists. a LOT of narcissists today are becoming life coaches, spiritual gurus, psychic mediums, tarot readers, etc. as a way to perform low-stakes empathy/"service" either publicly for praise, or for people they have no personal ties to who don't know the real them and will believe they're an angel. meanwhile, in their personal lives, they still fail to demonstrate the most basic forms of routine empathy or normal social behaviors

[@SkorpXIII]

I've seen so much of this over the last 3 years and it's so scary to witness

[@SkorpXIII]

Have you seen videos talking about this specific topic? The tarot readers/psychic mediums, etc. Could you maybe me point me to a good video that focuses on this subject?

[@vanishinglyyy]

@@SkorpXIIINo I haven’t. But I do recall some videos from Dr. Ramani about “communal narcissism” which is a form of narcissism where the person will perform public acts of service and charity as a way of seeking their narcissistic supply, but behind closed doors they still can’t manage to so much as ask a friend or family member how they’re doing. Try searching for that and see if it helps

[@BeNice524]

This is the best channel to learn from ,especially when it comes to details so you don’t go back. And I’m guilty of addiction to many narc channels

[@bradlloyd6261]

Kind Canadian thank you. I'm quite positive that my experiences with a narcissist is genuine because it's very difficult to watch this and I know that it's going to take me a long time to process my situation because it's so emotion filled. Slow and steady lol.

[@alexandria321]

Brilliantly helpful. Thank you for clarifying the difference between real and fake empathy. And your description helps me feel more forgiving of myself for allowing myself to be "duped". Cognitive dissonance awareness, and the depth of seeing what it is - usually in hindsight - is empowering.

[@azv19]

Very informative. I am just 2 years out of escaping the toxic person, and only now am considering dating again. Could you make a video on how a healthy relationship should feel like / look like / be like in the beginning? And what practical things to do to take it slow, to see the consistent empathy before getting intimate, setting healthy boundaries, etc.? And how to do it in a way that doesn't make you sound paranoid haha. I have done a lot of work to heal, but I also know that it can sound extreme when I tell a girl I want to take things slow with them even if feelings are mutual.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for this request, I will definitely create this video

[@azv19]

​@@LiseLeblanc Thanks so much Lise, I'm looking forward to it. It'll go hand in hand with my last video request where I said: Hey Lise, can you make a positive video about what it's like to live without narcissistic people in your world and what it's like to experience real love? Or something to reduce the becoming overly suspicious / cynicism we develop after relationships with narcissists? I'd still love to see that one too :) Thanks for all your hard work!! Your toxic relationship recovery course was incredible!

[@svenboelling5251]

@@azv19 I don't really want to get involved, but since I had dealt intensively with the question of how to explain true love to psychopaths maybe 2 years ago and I first had to realize that I don't know it myself, well. In any case, I have come so far mentally that true love is only possible among equals. In other words, impossible in societies, or impossible in a world in which, for example, men and women are not treated equally. However, I got stuck with the idea of what true love for nature or a single ant means. True love for God was the point years ago where I couldn't get any further. Anyway, it was an intense evening with intense thoughts and as far as I can tell, it's just about giving the other living being the best and not paying so much attention to your own ego. For example, if you have a child and you would like to have it around you and can see that it is better off somewhere else. True love is that you put your ego aside for others, without asking for anything in return. Which shouldn't be a problem at all if you can live through the eyes of others and be happy. Empathy. Or merge in nirvana, if you want to call it that. Becoming life itself. Although I like my ego and really have trouble with it, haha... Well...there's a lot of suffering on the way, unfortunately. Anyway. True love is difficult.

[@paulmryglod4802]

Yes! This, please. I have had only a couple healthy relationships but can't tell the difference until I'm far in.

[@alltrack_r]

@@LiseLeblancHi Lisa. Can you maybe also consider making one video about how much aware are narcissists about their condition / problems ? Thanks!

[@carminefederico-rv7fg]

I want to thank you for all you do..I struggle with the pain of being without my girlfriend.you help me cope..ty💕

[@keithrowe1007]

Excuse me, but I’m a little un-nerved by the fact that you’ve been following me around for the last 6 months with a camera, recording all of my interactions with my ex. How did you do that without ever being seen? 😮 But seriously, thank you. Because of you I am now free from a textbook covert narcissist, a term I hadn’t heard just a few days ago.

[@josmclove4426]

Same here.I have learned a lot from this great woman.She helped me find courage to run away from my crazy narc ex!😂👍🏾👍🏾

[@MercedPDF]

Great content, as always! Hit my head in this again, looks like my lesson wasn't learned yet. Fake display of empathy and also no consistency, first wanted to grab a coffee, then refused, then fooled me the second time by saying we can do it as friends, even though I refused this initially, she twisted some story up. In the end just ghosted me more or less, I never reached out again and never will. Better to be saved a big headache later on, some big red flags were already waving but I ignored them, things like her exes were crazy, still was talking to the latest one, even though she said it's over between them. Don't do like me guys, I knew the signs from past experience and still ignored them, still got fooled.

[@herrroy4963]

That last one was really an eyeopener .. consistency. Thanx ❤

[@professorlayabout4878]

I was catching up with an old school friend and he seemed to chuckle when telling me about his mom’s decline from Alzheimer’s. Disturbing.

[@carolinemorgan3684]

suspect he wasn't dealing with it.

[@somethinggood9267]

Some what recently I had an interaction with someone where they were laughing while talking about how their mom is vomiting all the time and is in poor health. I immediately thought narcissist

[@Shenanigans_Afoot]

Was she abusive to him?

[@professorlayabout4878]

@@Shenanigans_Afoot don’t think so, she seemed kind, probably over indulgent

[@Shenanigans_Afoot]

@@professorlayabout4878 a lot of narcissists can SEEM that way though.

[@dylanstarratt6137]

I've begun to suspect my cat may be a narcissist too... :) Thanks for all your illumination around this invisible suffering. Just following feelingly along is immediately effective and helpful, and will have life freeing effects not just as a personal benefit but will spread into all my relationships.

[@jonprince3237]

You're correct. All cats, fundamentally, are narcissistic, but not all narcissists are cats.

[@casapaterna8696]

🤣

[@denniskramer2934]

Wow, excellent descriptions. On again off again is simply mind bending. Kinda like a roller coaster of emotions of up and downs in the dark. Just absolutely never know what is coming to prepare. Nor does it make sense how far ya have to fall after feeling the effects on being on top of the world sharing your experiences only to find everything pulled down so fast it makes you want to throw up and makes your head literally light headed trying to think clearly about what to say if anything makes sense after all the nonsense mixed into the truth about the emotional word salad 13:23

[@allans7281]

It’s just talk to people that have not experienced this. I went through it for nine months and let me tell you it is real and this video is right on point!! Learn the warning signs and behaviors so you do not fall victim; it could be devastating to a lot of people

[@Hairyderriere]

**This**. All of this. So true it hurts, mostly because the evidence is inescapable and all of these points I've experienced from my ex - even before I had these concepts to describe them. I'd cry if I hadn't learned to hide my real feelings to feel emotionally safe from that person.

[@ericdebrosky3411]

your objective observations are highly valued. thank you for sharing. it has helped me immensely.

[@mfrance3834]

I’ve shared this important info. Right on target and explained so accurately. Thank you very much❤

[@gamkultur1473]

This video was incredible helpful thanks Lise

[@deanmarceldeandrade4230]

This describes my ex perfectly. Luckily I picked up on it and reverse discarded her. Best decision of my life.

[@dasgespenst979]

I was going to leave and had everything well thought out. And now we found out she's pregnant. I guess she will be a single mother of 3 because I'm not doing this manipulation anymore and just want emotional freedom.

[@annekerotterdam7499]

???

[@dasgespenst979]

@@annekerotterdam7499 👍

[@falcon147]

Nailed It. you are the real deal. I have shared this many times. Does it seam as if there is an increase or that it has not been noticed or identified? I go with the latter.

[@LiseLeblanc]

I believe it’s both, along with a few other factors such as over or mis “diagnosis”. For example, I often have people tell me that their partner is a narcissist and although that person may have shitty attitudes and behaviours, they definitely would not meet the criteria for NPD.

[@falcon147]

I wish that was the case. She qualifies. Thank you for your response. @@LiseLeblanc

[@Misfit-from-Zanti]

Goooood morning lize.. the mother attacked me this morning just in time to ruin Thanksgiving. Thanks for the info and the skills to deal with her. I knew she was trying to get in a fight. 🤪🙄 Oh well. At least she's got me to blame to get sympathy from whoever she's luvvin' on right now. Happy holidays 👋

[@martinholland2482]

Absolutely spot on. Lord I am in the middle of this and do not see a way out. I amquasi imprisoned by herin the Netherlands and have been for three years she has gone cold as ice now she knows I really want to het away. I had a stroke 10 months ago and can barely walk. Walking out and catching a plane is quite a challenge

[@Isee2121]

I feel like I am being manipulated into to a role to play as an extra in her play. I can't step out. It's weird

[@jonprince3237]

It's important to trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, if you don't feel you're being treated in a way that you feel is appropriate, acceptable or the way you wish to treat others, then those feelings are there for a reason. Having been in the position where I didn't or couldn't accept that alarm bells were ringing, I know it's easy to fall into the trap of excusing others, not wanting to acknowledge the reality of how someone is or what they do, for all sorts of reasons that seem very valid, but in my case at least, my instinct was right all along and ultimately, listening to it set me on the right path. Look out for yourself, buddy, you have a right to protect your safety and well-being.

[@jillijewel8922]

wow.. I never thought about the mirroring!!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for a very informative video.

[@Reid.Anderson]

Thanks Lise, for another fantastic insight-you’re brilliant 💕✨

[@sabianstringer2112]

Empathy is also Understanding Someone's Struggles and Not Judging Them for Their Mistakes...and try to Help their situation if they can....(Vulnerability is Not a Liability)

[@sabianstringer2112]

...We Need Someone Who Can Be Our Strength (Compassion/Empathy) For Our Weaknesses Rather than Destroy Us For Them (Narcs).......

[@sosukewifhat]

Hey, could you talk about no contact with people with BPD / NPD ? its so confusing especially in the age of social media, thank you for all you're doing for us

[@djpvma]

How does someone avoid becoming the narcissist who only activates empathy when there's something they want? How do they get help for this when they start to understand that they could be doing this? How do you help a narcissist cope and get well? What would be the correct and most safest way?

[@josmclove4426]

I don't think there's a way

[@arielperez797]

dont know how many people can relate...but i have a lot of empathy for the people i consider friends and family. nobody else. i actually feel like other people can lie just to manipulate me into something. i dont show empathy outside of my family and friends. not to my coworkers...i actually will walk away if they start to share emotions. at work, emotions are not important to me. i dont need to make my coworkers feel better. im always in a good mood and i am down to be light hearted. but coworkers should never share emotional stuff and cry in front of other coworkers putting a burden on them to make sure you feel good. no empathy at work.

[@BenjaminChavez-e2g]

I was discarded after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids when i stopped falling into the anger trap and didnt let the words pierce my heart. Took all that time to learn that skill. Prayers for you all who are going thru this. It has been very tough but you can do this. Now im trying to navigate this after separation while shes trying to reengage. Pray for me too

[@pedrokarstguimaraes1096]

There is a New movie from Robin Wright that tales about narcisism in severe pain. Very well done and profound observed 👌

[@PaXeGo]

thats a really great phrase . exactly what i need. its not my fault. its only my fault if it does happens more than one time. genius. THANKs

[@NKRAIEM]

You're amazing and so helpful. Thank you.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your positive feedback!

[@DallasCoryell]

8:41 Find out what you want Be that girl for a month Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no Screaming, crying, perfect storms I can make all the tables turn Rose garden filled with thorns Keep you second guessing, like "Oh, my God, who is she?" I get drunk on jealousy But you'll come back each time you leave 'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream Sounds familiar...🤔

[@jordanduvall7808]

this channel is a god send

[@BojanPeric-kq9et]

This summarize my experience with therapists.

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

This video was very helpful, thank you!! 💟💟💟

[@Thatsmybusinessnoturs]

I also think there is an element regarding narcissists that is completely overlooked. We often say that narcissists are unable to empathize with us. We simply say, chalk it up to, they simply just don't care. I think that is indeed true. However, it also makes sense that they simply cannot empathize with the pain they are causing their partners...and that reason is two-fold: they have never felt like we have. Not only are they naturally unable to empathize but they also couldn't because they have never not been anything but loved unconditionally by any of their exes....so they literally have no idea what it might feel to be treated so horrendously, or mentally abused, or used, etc. They truly have no concept of that...as all of their partners did love them unconditionally and actually over-loved and over-given to. So they would truly have no concept of what it might feel like to wear the other person's shoes. I liken it to a mother losing her child and another person saying...I know how you feel, sincerely. When in actually, unless that person had actually lost a child themselves...there sincerely is no way they could ever grasp the true pain, grief, sadness, loss. How I see narcissists...no grasp and they never will. Like asking a child to understand the sense of hurt, loss, grief, love, despair that mother would feel. And you scream, yell, beg, plead, cry...nothing is going to make that child understand. They do not get it and never will. They very truly cannot. I think when you can view it from that point...you may never forget what they did...but at least forgive enough to accept it, stop trying to make them understand, accept it...and just let you (the mother) grieve the loss, and heal.

[@victoriarosario3338]

Hello Lise, I appreciate your teachings. Around minute 2:00, you spoke of "emotional empathy". If you constantly felt your mother's sadness as a small child, and listened to her (apologetically?) telling you about her problems; could that possibly shut you down for good? Or is there hope for change? Not blaming her. I'm just trying to understand myself better...Thank you.

[@sharynmain2432]

Hi Lise , do you have any opinions why the therapy world, in real time, why so many do not want to address dealing with these types of personality. I am guessing some a) like a strong result in better communication will resolve it b) prefer to be a ‘positive / upbreat person who sees the world as just needing more positivity c) don’t’ want a workload of interacting with clients who need more care/support and better standards of therapy or it just some therapist would like not to align themselves with this heavy/ difficult and at sometimes draining aspect of personal problems. You are very aware and genuine about this subject. Do some only tread this path if they have only experience narcissist. (I can’t imagine in this time and era one could go through life without interacting with a couple at least). Keep up the great work… we survivors really appreciate your care and thoughtful output. Take care from New Zealand.

[@rashadm.sadigov4366]

Hello Lise, I am so thankful for your videos. But most of what you are saying overlaps with avoidants. How do we differentiate these two?

[@LiseLeblanc]

Great question, I will post a video on this topic as soon as I can

[@iamtheroadwanderer]

Thank you, Lisa! 💪

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you!

[@gloriacastro3939]

Thank you is have been very helpful thank you so much God bless.

[@davidhalldurham]

Another excellent video! Thank you so much.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you so much!

[@lsoneonly]

And they are REALLY good at faking it, fooling many people who don't know them well.

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Great video. ❤🎉

[@RaffertyMBTI]

6:35 a disappointment they have no right to feel, as they usually have stupid ideas about what a person should be.

[@llesieur9921]

I would need a therapist like you.. I now have PTSD from my relationship. I need help. Thanks Lise. You have a french name. Are you in Quebec by any chance?

[@raginald7mars408]

… as a German Biologist… It is about the Actions No matter what any person expresses - it is the Action! The Slave Owner enforces the prison To keep his Property secured The Slave must submit or perish To See the Actions of the Slave Owner And run fast away

[@MyBeautifulHealth]

Nope. They know this saying too and it’s just one more of their manipulation tools. Those with money will berate you then turn around and take you on an all-expenses-paid vacation.. It’s all used as leverage..

[@JohnDoe-qd2tm]

I see all the patterns but still can hardly believe that someone can be so dishonest and fake and act like in a movie.

[@anthonyskube]

Very helpful!

[@leef8063]

I was born in 1960. KZbin it the year. We were taught there were two types of people, just two. Good people are easy to see, right? And bad people easy to, see? I think Empathy is the gauge of other humans. To find other nice humans. But bad people are everywhere, sad.

[@Amazology]

How about reflexive empathy ?

[@davidwebster5139]

The only times I’ve seen her really upset, emotional, crying…are mainly when she feels hurt. Does that qualify. ?

[@michaelbrooks9935]

Right. So, speaking of the narcissistic individual meeting your "needs" ... Isn't that also something that a codependant person will do? It seems that both types engage in this behavior, though perhaps with different (I'm assuming) unconscious agendas. Maybe you've already done a video on this and I just haven't discovered it yet. If not, maybe an idea for the future ...

[@therickestpicklerick]

Thank you.

[@bebahojt]

I wonder if there are any authentic people left. All I seem to come across is fake people running a game on you.

[@AlexRyan]

The Bible calls this “the remnant”. This has happened many times before. :(

[@rapstar4575]

We love lisa ❤

[@JustNobody-z4p]

I don't want to be a narcissist. I hope that I can change.

[@francesbernard2445]

Isn't it true that when a person has already experienced the human experience of having empathy towards others before getting the kind of injuries which could be a sign of having Narcissistic PErsonality Disorder they can recover their previous learned behavior while healing when learning how to express that kind of both inner and outer behaviour through other nerve pathways until they make a full recovery. A full recovery which could take a lifetime. Seems to me that the least levels of attention we can respond with whenever a client behaves in a narcissistic way towards us while only stating the facts to them could help someone who is suffering from a brain injury ecover sooner.

[@collinvance1914]

My ex narc/bpd was my everything. I was lost in her. But she didn’t want me to have a past life. I wasn’t aloud to stop at my Ex wife’s home (that I still owned) to see my daughter and give her a hug and kiss. If my daughter didn’t come to “US” and I had to go to her then my narc gf would reach out and flirt with men. I didn’t know it was happening right away. I did see that she would get dressed up with makeup and go out and she would post selfies on instagram and to some men. She gaslit me when I found out.

[@derekowenjr3599]

Is there a cure for a narcissist?

[@JasonStone-m5i]

Clue about self centered people. They use manipulative empathy to get things. Also get passive aggressive if not getting their way. Also they tend to want others to do for them but won't do for others. If they do do something for others they will magnify that one thing they did and not even take into consideration the many things you did and try to hold that against you when not getting what they want in the moment

[@casinodelonge]

This will be the Voight-Kampf Test, right??

[@Archiconocido]

Exactly. The reply to the turtle question would be an excellent narc detector.

[@michelekurlan2580]

Reflect-project-repeat. Low emotional range. Manufactured emotional empathy at best. Its mostly unconscious. I believe they are "feeling it" at the moment they are at risk of losing supply and/or during the "courting phase." Then, and I'm sure they don't even know why, because it's so far down in their subconscious, they become repulsed by the person they are trying to get/keep. This may bw bxuz they are repuksed hy theur own wheedling, again subconsciously, so they project . Its twisted

[@jongable5914]

I need help. I can’t stay away from her and she has a pfa against me

[@cherylvanesch3086]

You are probably trauma-bonded to her, the hot and cold, the “loving” and discarding, the drawing you in and then rejecting you creates a very real addiction to these people. Leave, cold-turkey, and then recover, it will take time, go no-contact and do not renew any contact. It will take time but you will recover. Learn about narcissistic abuse and what was done to you. Use this information to validate your leaving. The trauma-bond will gradually go away, and be replaced by terror of ever going back into a relationship with that sick person.

[@musyclover]

Empathy is a skill you can learn. With practice you will actually become a better version unless you are a Psycho/sociopath/Narc. They can use empathy but it will be misused to further manipulate you and others

[@boxonothing4087]

I disagree, empathy is a character trait. You can cultivate it, but you can't acquire it.

[@BeeBeeBell]

What you're referring to is intellectual empathy. Genuine empathy is experienced and not simply expressed. It's one of those character traits either you have it or you don't.

[@LouwrensVanTonder]

True true true mam

[@kidrosskidrossproductions2906]

In a nut shell cluster b’s are the emotional and drama people .. when you see over emotion and drama run…

[@SatSingh-mm4gg]

@6:00, pretty much every person who shows interest alson asks personal questions. How is this aspect determinant ?

[@pierre931]

thankyou very much.there is who have really suffer and who fake it.....god has transformatred many peoples in killers.he game and lovbe game with us.defend yourself.how can i help you that im distroyed? i can only tell you what i have discover.dont permittt to thjose crazy to game with your lives.be united.if you want survive, change your dark side and till god dont change his we go suffer qand die