Tactics Covert Narcissists Use to Draw You In and Keep You Hooked

[@drahusz]

My 4 month relationship of THIS was harder then my divorce after 5 years of marriage, but you cant explain this to anyone around you .

[@brianrossiter6427]

Absolutely. A divorce after 13 years was NOTHING like a 10 month entanglement with a narcissist. It’s unspeakable abuse and horror.

[@mukesh.dhimar]

I haven't been married but I totally understand you as I was in a relationship for over six years and my one year relationship with the narcissist was a million times worse.

[@RansomeDavis]

I totally understand you, i had a 3 month relationship with one, we both know all about the mind games and gas lighting and the love bombing dont we.

[@LuizMirandaLMT]

No one, no one, that did not experience a relationship with a cluster B disorder, can understand what is be in a relationship with someone that has a cluster B disorder. Do not even try to explain to someone, what you have been through, they just can get it, it is just impossible ! Unfortunatelly, the only way to understand is going on that rollercoster !

[@derekazyan9942]

Try 7 years….

[@loverofart-j2i]

Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have her back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not

[@loverofart-j2i]

I feel your pain brother, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@loverofart-j2i]

Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@TroyDeFrates-jh8fc]

It all changes for the better in your life after you finally figure out YOU are the one attracting them. Once you figure this out, you stop inviting them and they move on to easier prey really quickly. That sure was a hard lesson to learn....I was the one sending the signals that called them in on me....I invited them....more than once....sigh....never again now that I understand. Hope this helps someone.

[@poemsjones4184]

Saving the screen shot thank you

[@radicleman]

Its uncanny how spot on these videos are! Incredible and ever so helpful to help get out of these awful situations

[@FoxSleeping]

Listen to her cheating video. It’s so real it is haunting. You can feel the demons. It honestly chilling.

[@Christopher-t9p]

As a man who's recently left a marriage, im so grateful the lady who creates these videos gives them in context from the males perspective. Her videos really REALLY helped me to make some very difficult decisions which, in all honesty, I'd have convinced myself otherwise and lived a life in a marriage that identified with every...single trait she discusses in a multitude of this lady's very helpful, informed and constructed uploads in a way that helps a man like me to identify with ACTUAL instances (with a long history of those traits present in retrospect) Thankyou, you've helped me to save my own sanity.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you!

[@OGRocker1]

Spot on... 44 yrs later.... never changes or get's better, just gets worse with age... Our intimacy, sadly has anniversaries', just her lacky now a days... Favorite and her only enemy !!! To leave is to be homeless at nearly 70 and with health issues myself, not that she cares... Thanks Lisa, it helps to know; I am not alone... The internet is all the support I have... sorry if I vent Y'all ! 🥲 hugs...

[@heyoldman2003]

run my friend. i did 40 years like that but finally walked away.. i accepted financial ruin … but after going no contact… i feel great . this gal Lise knows her stuff .. listen to her ..

[@derekazyan9942]

Poor guy…

[@adrianlane76]

The strength required to deal with these demons is emense. Hope you find some peace.

[@mdc-ps6pl]

I feel for you I am in a very similar situation same age and she has destroyed me financially and emotionally, stay strong.

[@OGRocker1]

@@mdc-ps6pl I hear Ya ... stay strong and take care !

[@ThePurplePillPerspective]

Any relationship with. Covert narcissist always starts off great! This is why you move slow and understand them psychologically. Be safe out there!

[@sand0077]

It's like test driving and inspecting a car prior to purchase.

[@greenbrain8725]

Good advice about “the more you give, the more secure they feel, the more demanding they become”. Yes indeed. And then the babies came and I was in a gilded cage of dependence. My story is about a husband. Be very careful before you have babies!

[@Cassiemom-1234]

Excellent video. This isn’t just about female narcissist relationships, but sisters, mothers, friends (minus the withholding sex part). You just described what I’ve experienced with a narc sibling.

[@anonymousprivate6814]

Yes. Good comment. I was thinking the same. I can really relate this to my relationship with my mother.

[@jtg1465]

Really wish there was more content about female covert narc siblings who triangulate their elderly parent(s) into the equation as a way to abuse you.

[@Cassiemom-1234]

I agree. I know relationship narcissism is horrible, but it’s just as much when it’s a family member. Maybe worse in some ways because these people are supposed to be your support system. When a narc family member has control of any situation it’s a nightmare. In my case, a sibling having power of attorney of elderly parent… 3 years of hell

[@davidhuffman9182]

You just explained step by step 200% Exactly what my recently divorced (34) yr old son went through for 8yrs from 2014-2022 . We are thankful he dint take his own life , if it handt been for his saving grace ( two small children) whom adored him IDK what would of happened. SHE is the one who left & just had a child with another man whom is now snared!! We seen the many red flags for years, but his love for her & children kept him trying Harder to his constant state of exhaustion. Once she completed grad school( HE paid for) 30 days after graduation she left. (Thank god) Mentally it almost destroyed him because of his deep love & commitment to her. Thank God 2yrs later he is in a better place. By the way she is lic PMHNP who is now making 3 times more than him & is on meds & seeing a therapist herself for last 2yrs and has taken HIM to court twice so far trying to get soul custody of their small children. We pray nonstop for him & grandchildren. Thank you for telling his story!

[@Kmack840]

Lise, you nailed it again! I got out of my narcissistic relationship 12 years ago, and i feel that you just narrated it to a "T". 20 months in it. Got out but was trauma bonded into 12 more months of trying to get back together and breaking up again. Cycle after cycle. Highs & lows rapidly cycling faster and faster. Almost proposed to her during a cycle then we were broken up 7 days later... insane! Then after a year of intermittent contact (big mistake) and dating others, I finally met the most stable, caring woman of my life and we married 3 years later. 10 years later happy, and wish Strength to others walking this road. Go with your gut. Reclaim your true self. Peace!

[@ImaginThat]

This is the exact description of my X wife and now my grown Daughter. My X did it to me for 10 years and my Daughter is doing it in her many failed relationships and with her 3 children by different fathers. She try's to use it on me but I really try to put a stop to it, mostly by creating a distance, and confronting her with her perpetual victimhood! Oh my God it is so disturbing and controlling, there is always more drama that someone else has created....

[@MrEverybody-v9v]

I'm always blown away by how spot on you are. I cannot believe that you could describe my wife's behaviors so closely that I feel as if you know her and have observed her behaviors directly. I moved out recently and am wrestling with many emotions right now. Your videos helped me to understand the manipulation and brainwashing I had undergone for the last 18 years with her. The first video I watched was "Tactics and Mind Games of the Female Covert Narcissist". You could have literally read the book of my entire relationship with my wife back to me. I was floored by the realization that she acted exactly as described in that video. I appreciated that video greatly and it helped me gain the confidence and strength to get away from her abuse. Thank you.

[@jamesmcginn8874]

I got put also

[@clintonnagy1662]

Hang in there soldier. I know its hard. You're NOT alone.

[@MrEverybody-v9v]

@@clintonnagy1662 Thank you

[@mukesh.dhimar]

I know I've said it so many times but these videos are just incredible. So helpful and all absolutely spot on. It actually gets me through knowing that it's not just one person that tried to ruin my life. Which makes her bit special. It just means there are more demons out there that we have to all fight together.

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

@@mukesh.dhimar I feel like I sold my soul to the devil being with her . She took anything that was good in me turned it all around and gave me a bag of crap back . I no I am a good person at heart . All I've ever wanted to do is help people. Now I need help there nobody there to help . I do like reading other people's post and comments it really helps knowing others have and are suffering gives me hope and faith knowing 1 day I will be ok . It's just the length of time it's going to take

[@mukesh.dhimar]

@10greenbottles1-o9q Hello. Please read this. It was the same with me. I helped people all the time and I feel that The Demon she is, took away every good quality I had and didn't even know I had. Kindness, caring, generous, empathetic... people told me this. And that's who I am and I'm eventually getting back to it. As well as working, I do lots of voluntary work which has helped me find all this again. She did take all the good things away about you. That's what they do. It's all by design. The important thing you have to do first is to forgive yourself.

[@derekazyan9942]

I was in a relationship with one for 7 years. She discarded me twice, cheated, triangulation…. Everything said in this video. They are mentally ill but can fake it for quite awhile

[@supportthejerseymob]

Yup me also, yet I’m still Screwed up over her discarding me so cruelly and somehow I still miss her.. I have a horrible trauma bond. like a drug addiction.

[@thismarxtheendforjoo2298]

Discarded twice, triangulation throughout most of the relationship almost 10 years worth…. Been separated for 5 months and she is in the past week trying to get back in and hook me. Good luck my brothers and keep your head on right and see through the BS!

[@supportthejerseymob]

@@thismarxtheendforjoo2298 make her sweat it out … she’s seeing if she still has power over you.. these people are sick

[@BeNice524]

Sleeping with the Enemy. She feels like a constant threat in the house. Even with the silent treatment.

[@Lkingfwdnevabkwds]

The mask dropped once we got married. Dated 1.5 years, six months into the marriage I remember thinking "I feel like I am hear to just take care of her and her two kids". This is a very accurate video. Blessing in disguise, she left me for another narc

[@brian32151867]

This is exactly how my 22 year marriage began. As you said, I rushed in to be the hero. Then the switch flipped and I'm the bad guy and she is the victim. She initiated the divorce last year and it's dragging on with amplified darker versions of the behaviors described here. Her issues and feelings are always more important than mine. Thank you for articulating these concepts in such a direct fashion. I felt like I was losing my mind so it's helpful to get the reassurance that I'm not alone in this experience.

[@FoxSleeping]

“God brought you into my life to save me, protect me”. While she is cheating with multiple married men. She looked, sounded and dressed so pure, and sweet, and innocent that the Virgin Mary (which she wore on her neck every day) seemed like a Kardashian in comparison.

[@joseluisalvarez3325]

Shiiiiiiiit😢

[@sangueblu4588]

I was sent to her by her deceased father

[@johnhamilton4677]

My wife of 12 years fits the description of the CN to a T. Looking back, I can see that she exhibited some of these symptoms at the beginning that continued all the way through. In 2020, a brain anyrism was discovered and she had to have brain surgery. After this, she suffered 4 strokes--the last of which damaged the frontal lobe of her brain. This occurred on mother's day of 2022 and my life has been hell ever since. The stroke seems to have exacerbated the behaviors that she already had under some control. I really do miss her.

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

So true in everyway . Im trying to recover from a ten year relationship. I had to walk away the damage caused is emency i don't know who i am anymore. Very poorly mentally and emotionally disturbed.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Hang in there, Brother!

[@mukesh.dhimar]

You'll get there. Trust me. I still have my moments but I'm a lot stronger then I was a year ago when all this ended. Give it time.

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

@@nyptblueone7734 Thank you for your kind reply. IM working on trying to mend myself mentally and emotionally. Once again thank you

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

@@mukesh.dhimar thanks you for your kind words I am trying my best to get mentally and emotionally well It's just very hard at the moment 😭.

[@timmywitty1432]

@10greenbottles1-o9q. You’ve got this! Keep healing. Arm yourself with knowledge of the cluster b’s and protect yourself from EVER becoming ensnared by one of these creatures again!

[@sand0077]

It's a no win situation and best avoided to preserve one's dignity and sanity.

[@Green89_]

One of the last things my narc said to me was “I realize I don’t NEED you anymore.”

[@freemandavy9868]

Wow. So accurate. The biggest Hoodwink of my life. Thank you so much for this vital information

[@larrylorimer3065]

You are not allowed to leave a Narc. as they won't let you go until they have another to fill your spot!

[@mitch28894]

Lise! Where were you when I was 20 years old? 10 And 25, and 35 and 45 and .... Well, I finally learned my lesson. Thanks for your great work. I still struggle with this, so your clear message is so helpful in seeing the reality and getting away quickly. Younger guys ... Save yourselves from a lot of suffering and Pay attention! Lise knows her stuff!

[@fahimshahriyar2494]

Make one about how to heal from female covert narc.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Or if you can’t how to best cope so you can survive with the least amount of injury.

[@Aggress1vegg]

there are many on the subject in her channel - one of them kzbin.info/www/bejne/mZ-wlYyoYpaNmMk&ab_channel=LiseLeblanc

[@A_n_y_t_i_m_e]

If it looks like it's something you ever wanted - it's not real.

[@dazhatz]

This is absolutely spot on... It's a shock to hear someone you've never met describe perfectly what you've had to deal with. Thankyou Lise these descriptions really do provide strength and understanding.

[@adrianlane76]

30 years in. These videos are amazing, the relief! Spent years thinking it was a series of separate weird toxic traits never thought that they could be grouped together as one personality type. Everything is on the button. Knowledge is power. Best way to win is not to play their game!

[@Cassiemom-1234]

I did the same… projection, anger disorder, low self esteem, pathological liar, control issues … I had no idea they were parts of one psychological condition. So glad for these videos.

[@MAV511]

I caught her cheating on me, and I was trying to explain to her friend, and now I’m the bad guy in her flying monkeys

[@mdc-ps6pl]

Excuse me....have you been tracking my relationship for the past 22 years? You have just 100% described my 22 year relationship. I suppose I am still stuck in a trauma bond but with the knowledge I have now I am breaking free, sadly it is a little late in life ,I am 70 soon and she has devastated my confidence to start again with another relationship so I face my remaining days on my own, if only I had known then what I know now, the only positive is our daughter although she is working on distancing her from me . Thank you for your brilliant , insightful and supportive videos .

[@MaestroMaxim]

The video you created is truly appreciated, as your tutorials continue to shed light on many unanswered questions and alleviate feelings of cognitive dissonance. I found it particularly helpful to hear your insights again, as you delved deeper into the complexities of reactive abuse. You addressed the pattern of on-and-off interactions, along with the smear campaigns and false accusations that often accompany them. Your explanation of circular argumentation really resonated with me, especially how it illustrates the tendency to shift blame when someone refuses to take accountability. It’s frustrating how they change the parameters of the conversation, moving the goalpost whenever it suits them. This behavior can lead to a profound questioning of one’s self-worth, making it clear that the only thing that sustains us is our own sense of self-worth. No matter how wrong they might be, they will twist the conversation to make it seem as though they are right, unable to accept any form of being wrong. This reflects the power struggle they engage in, where reasoning fails to penetrate their defenses. Ultimately, their lack of empathy only exacerbates the situation, making it difficult to find common ground. Thank you for articulating these experiences so effectively; it truly helps to make sense of our own feelings in these situations.

[@Christopher-t9p]

As a man who's recently left a marriage, im so grateful the lady who creates these videos gives them in context from the males perspective. Her videos really REALLY helped me to make some very difficult decisions which, in all honesty, I'd have convinced myself otherwise and lived a life in a marriage that identified with every...single trait she discusses in a multitude of this lady's very helpful, informed and constructed uploads in a way that helps a man like me to identify with ACTUAL instances (with a long history of those traits present in retrospect) Thankyou, you've helped me to save my own sanity.

[@jori2k]

Thanks for opening up my eyes to the toxicity I was submitted into. It's been two years that I was able to walk out--sometimes I feel the need to get in touch again but one of your videos pops up to remind me to keep moving forward. You saved me in many ways Lise ❤

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for sharing your experience!

[@steini4354]

Spot on, clear-cut description of covert narcissistic abuse. Great channel!

[@upsidedown4734]

This is her. Now, I have to co parent with her. What a mess!

[@kidjeff4304]

Going through a complicated 5 year divorce. This sucks. Thank you for your advice. Why do you choose to assist men in a bad spot?

[@Cougs2894]

Wow! It’s like you have a mirror into my 27 year marriage. Glad it’s over. I have not felt this at peace in a very long time.

[@christophergrundy4424]

A truly accurate analysis that captures the process I went through towards the end of my relationship when I started asserting my boundaries. Thank you so much for sharing this content as it has been vital to my recovery and self-awareness. X

[@andredparadis]

Giving simple attention to my 10yo son, that is not her's, frightened me every time. Her reactions were random, I never knew where to stand. Stomachache and hands trembling. Thank you so much for helping me realize that I was not the problem.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Once again thank you for the advice! You are right on target. Hearing all this helps me cope.

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

@@nyptblueone7734 I also like to read other people comments it also helps me understand other are struggling with the same issues.

[@malbinalmonte5029]

Wow, what a video to start the year!, simply the exact information that I needed to know. Thank you, Lise, for always taking care of us.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Totally my experience. I love these Monday night reminders of who she really is, as my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. From the beginning she would finish things if there was anything she wasn't happy about, at first I just said fine, go then. But like you say after a while it used to devastate me so I would always give in and grovel to get her back. Looking back it was pathetic, but in the midst of it, it felt like life or death. Thanks again for the reminder of the monster she was.

[@michaelking4578]

This is exactly what happened to me 100%. Now she's probably doing the same thing to someone else. Thankfully it's not me anymore.

[@RansomeDavis]

My narcissist ex did absolutely all those things BUT i was too much a challenge for her, you see im pretty much a sigma male that will notice such behavior very quickly and i confronted her and called her out alot, she really took the wrong road trying to use me as her supply. when we finished within days she was already posting pics of her and her new relationship on social media. but i wasnt too surprised, narcissist are hunting for and dating new supply while still with you , they always need new going on before their time with you is up. needless to say replacing men on average every 3 - 4 months will mean they will have had sex with many, men indeed , EWWW" LISA really knows her stuff, her description of their behavior is spot on.

[@AugustusTiberius-tq1gw]

It was pointless to talk to my X, who wasn't open to discussion to work out the relationship. She used controlling, manipulation, and gaslighting to control the relationship. I was walking on eggshells. After a while, my X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. She thought that the grass was greener on the other side. Now, my X is cashing in her regrets and choices she has made. Yet, she has to much pride to admit to it. There is no coming back for my X. Karma is a biach. I have leveled up, and I am recovering from my X trama bonding.

[@brandonreccejitsninja6076]

Im stuck, 😢. I want it to be real and my brain just lulls me in. I know i need to leave. Just can't yet.

[@jaythizzle01]

I, truly, hope, you feel better, soon.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Brother, I feel your pain. I’m 72 years old and no way out.

[@radicleman]

No contact is the way out - detox just like an addiction

[@OGRocker1]

Me too... hope you get resolve soon.

[@joseluisalvarez3325]

Run, no shame in running.

[@professorx4588]

I’ve been w my wife for 24 years and only recently discovered what NPD is. I feel like a dummy but i also understand how it happened. I had her arrested Saturday night for domestic violence and will be reclaiming my freedom and sanity at 53 years of age.

[@dnbpimaz2dnbpimaz227]

so true!!this is so true. I had a relationship with her for a year and a half and I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her, however as soon as I finished I missed this vicious cycle and her charms, dangerous, manipulative and super narcissistic! Today she blocked me and I don't think she would ever talk to me again even though I gave my life for her, I did everything for her, we went on vacation together, we lived side by side so many unique moments but none of that matters because her ego is huge

[@rogerbartlet5720]

As bad as what Lise is describing, throw a child into the mix. It’s orders of magnitude worse.

[@adrianlane76]

😂 I’ll raise you 2 kids and a enabling Mother in law. Triangulation ago-go!!

[@tlee3454]

I went through this with my ex wife. I left after 4 years with her. I took 2 years off from dating to be heal and grow. I started dating another woman about 2 months ago and after a month she started acting the same way as my ex. I told her that we were done and she went through all the blaming and name calling. I responded by saying I wish you the best.

[@abderrahim2168]

Maaan, I thought I was intelligent, took me 9 years to understand!!

[@meteokatar7857]

Thank you very much for adding Turkish to the subtitles, you helped me a lot in a very difficult period.

[@mattb4461]

I love her shes leaving me, says im a covert narc, maybe i am

[@alexcika9906]

I sat there with my mouth open like you started this video out saying my name and actually KNOWING this was my marriage , Wow

[@wadewixom7029]

Nailed it!

[@markcombs968]

Right on the money!!! Thank you for getting these videos out.

[@seveg9283]

I feel it's important to distinguish between a relationship that simply doesn't work for whatever reason on either side, and what looks like a relationship when one person is in fact a covert narcissist with a plan to control and manipulate the other person. It may be - just may be - that females are more adept at covert manipulation than most males who tend to overtly coercively control. Lise's videos helped me understand the behaviour of a woman I met online over a seven year period. Starting with odd early promiscuity not even a week after meeting for the first time. Then it changing into blaming me for petty 'made up' issues. Her wardrobe was full of grandiose dresses she never ever wore. She had no friends at all - zero - just me. She had about one episode at her work as a nurse, storming home 'playing the victim' by lying that a patient had assaulted her, many more clues. After 7 years I realised she could not sustain ANY relationship, and had no emotions, so I ended the association. That's when it all erupted. Baiting arguments over petty 'made up' lies. Lies about being assaulted, lying to police, manipulation of others around me, triangulating my family against me by lying about being attacked, then endless gaslighting and gaslighting. I researched for months, found Lise's videos and many others, then it all fell into place. I had been controlled by a covert female psychopath for 7 years. Likely cause? Stick beatings by her mother as a child (I knew this but felt sorry for her - perfect for her narcissism of course), plus genetics. Untreatable. As for mental health or relationship professionals, it seems that only practicing clinical psychologists have experience with extreme personality disorders. My advice - if anyone recognises these signs, then work out your own HIGHLY secret exit plan. Then when all is ready, slide out and stay out. Do not confront them, you cannot win.

[@ConsiderationFarm]

I am terrified that she will do it to my daughter. I love her with all my heart and give her constant love. I am gonna keep the girl loved and actively explain empathy and help her practice empathy with me.

[@apstrad]

I chose my kids....Now I am paying the price....

[@jeffreyhill4705]

She moved into the guest bedroom last Father’s Day. I am staying for the daughters at this point. She loves the house and status. She can be really nice, and each night heads to the guest room and locks the door. I think her goal, was to have me beg. I think I will read a book instead. There is a lot more going on. She put family over morality, and never wanted a family with me.

[@randallcrawford4141]

Wow I too was used but never moved in together Thank You God ... Take this time to pause Think why or how the things in your character was manipulated into letting Her use you to get what she wants , when you get ready to ask her to leave you should consult a lawyer like Rebecca,prepare for the worst and Hope for the best maybe a protective order ? My ex wife went so far as plotting to collect on my life insurance policy threaten me not to drop it or else etc . They will not leave without starting WW3 in your life ,your Home ... Don't tell Her What you are Going to do document everything argument or threat demand ... That they do evidence for court. Then do not take the bait of arguing with them stay calm nothing to say that they will use against you later...or twist the true... Your life and what you do is no longer include them in conversation or tell them what you are thinking or feeling . Emotionally detach from them they do not have your best interest in what they are doing in your life only what they want...

[@randallcrawford4141]

Still be kind to the children they are being use as you are flowers and things that add value to their lives drawing ,coloring educational ...so they are not involved in the arguments and have a distraction from the chaos they will see how you treat them that you hold nothing against them ... Silence but our actions speak louder than words , God Bless and Protect You 😊

[@meteokatar7857]

Alt yazılılara türkçe eklediğiniz için çok teşekkür ederim, çok zor bir dönemde bana çok yardımcı oldunuz.

[@garyharris4366]

To me, once you are able to see through their projection, that is when you can begin to break the trauma bond. One of the ways that I knew she was a perpetual liar was how she would always rub her nose, which is a sign of deception. Narcissists think they are clever with their manipulation tactics, but they actually are not; they are actually dumb.

[@Xenaphone1]

It's been two years since her "mask" came off. I'm over it and happy. When she comes around every now and then to take me off the shelf, it's entertaining... and kind of funny.

[@eisajv]

Thanks for this!

[@LiseLeblanc]

You're welcome! I hope you found it helpful.

[@michaellogan7507]

Thank you, Lise.

[@CJ_Pharaoh]

Thank you, Lise 🙏

[@LiseLeblanc]

You're welcome! I'm so glad you found it helpful!

[@mrjboyd45]

Omg soo true. You nailed it!!! Wow I wish I would of found this over $10,000 ago

[@gozitan5]

Right on the money. Thanks Lise.

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist, Its uncanny how spot on these videos are! Incredible and ever so helpful to help get out of these awful situations asap, I'm sure Johnny Depp is nodding his head in agreement right now lol

[@SecretMarsupial]

Every time tried to address the obvious cheating the threats to end the relationship started. Or flipping the script: “why dont you trust me?” Is the starting move

[@Ketobodybuilderajb]

I'm terrified right now of re entering the cycle.

[@buildfireforchrist]

This was my life till my savings were gone.. and then she found her new soulmate.

[@penkuland8325]

That is exactly how it is! Template?

[@Tokolos]

It’s made me check out completely. Any semblance of interest is met with suspicion))

[@HaggisIsGross]

I would like to know if you have any insight to the weaponized incompetence aspect of the female covert narcissist. Can’t/won’t hold a job, can’t/won’t do housework, can’t/won’t socialize, can’t/won’t participate in financial responsibility…. It’s endless.

[@dougmills6398]

I was involved in a 1yr 2mo relationship with one of these people and it is a terrible experience dealing with the emotional problems these evil people cause.

[@MonsieurMajestic]

Very helpful thank you 👍🏻

[@DanDan78]

Yeah... went through this a few months ago.

[@freyja802]

I think this perspective is too straightforward: I have a mother who fits this stereotype and then, I kept dating women like her until I was so broken that I could only imagine survival after escaping my being male (which was never what would have been my first choice, so that didn't come out of the blue but I had actually planned to integrate my inner situation with my outward male identity and until that last relationship, it also sort of worked out...) Now, this is one story. Another story is that only in my mid thirties, I became aware that I have what is commonly referred as multiple personalities. They all shared the same outwards identity and we have some mental structures that allow us to mostly keep up this pretense but they are disconnected from one another and in a way, it felt like a constantly repeating sudden realization that whatever I had done wasn't really me but never understanding that it was more than me being just very moody and having the same strange thing with my memory that my dad also told me he has where for example, we forget a lot that people normally would remember but then, we remember in details some stuff from decades back that nobody else even noticed. I also, like him had this magical ability of whenever I got drunk being able to basically get home on autopilot while my mind was wandering around drunkenly but my body never strayed from purposefully returning to my safety spot, my home. Now, my father was really good at hiding this and still is to this day but he is also a drunk and humanly, he's just not reliable. My mother on the other hand, she makes much more sense as who taught those parts of me who aren't exactly narcissists but more like highly intelligent psychopaths who know every trick in the book of manipulating people, far beyond what narcissists usually do. But there are more stories still and one especially important one is about how we, a number of alters following a consent based moral code that also tries to minimize any subconscious influencing of people to ideally only the social baseline and as much additional communication as needed for only the basics of human interaction, leaving as much as practicable to free will decisions, we who united under this code, we have for a long time fought an internal war against that part of us and while we are moving towards finding a peace, this alter almost never gets to communicate with the outside world but only when our other structures break down and we are in what is available to us in terms of perception desperately cling onto survival. Usually that alter solves things by making sure that whoever hurt us takes a big distance and permanently. It's not fun. The whole thing is very painful. This is called officially a "dissociative identity disorder" and it affects an expected 1% of the entire population who all are doing everything to pretend to themselves and to the outside world that they are just normal and for as long as they can before the illusion collapses and the truth kicks in. For me it was ironically someone who you would describe as a covert narcissist maybe but it was much worse somehow. She was shaped by more sexual trauma than I could imagine and after convincing she that she would be protecting me in my most vulnerable time, she then began to simultaneously dump trauma by the truckloads but also to demand me doing sexual acts I disliked to prove my love to her. It all went so quickly and after only a month, chance saved me as she tried to cut me off from my best friend, unknowing that it had become a dogmatic automatism of mine to whenever someone made me choose between them and a loved one, to always go with the one whose love and friendship is unconditional, so I fought her off but only started realizing what even had happened over the following days and only then, I realized that I had been victimized and since this happened in the summer of 2018, I was never the same again and my system began self-destroying and rebuilding over and over again to maximize my security against psychological control. Now, by initial design, we were for years always being nice and caring for as long as we didn't detect any attempts to manipulate our mind. If we did notice an attempt to manipulate us, we would activate this alter who can attack in every way a narcissist could and more but who has none of the narcissist's weaknesses like pride because it has no feelings. It also has no personal agenda internally but exists only to defend us in what it deems appropriate. The effect of that was that er were extremely nice by default, making a bunch of men think we were flirting but when they reacted based on the assumption, we felt attacked and suddenly turned to acting like a narcissist going full crazy. Our actual attempts of dating, both me and some, they kept turning into insanity with our perception being that we were nice until suddenly attacked and respectively the other person seeing us as cute and nice until we went crazy for no discernible reason. Still, we are not a narcissist. We're a complex dissociative system. This does not absolve us for our actions but it simply works very different than people have for almost 20 years falsely assumed based on the symptoms. And we're in no way saying that our occasional freak outs are legitimate, just they happen and we can't actually change that and while giving us the benefit of the doubt on that is almost like a charm that increases our trust and we actually dare to put more effort in and maybe show more of our very submissive and loving sides which really are the ones who need somebody while the pretend narcissist cares about nothing at all unless he gets signals of us feeling despair and then he steps in, takes over and ensures our safety by whatever means necessary. If it's a false alarm, giving us space for him to figure that out and calm us down is what solved it and over time, we learn to trust and it gets less and less until it stops happening entirely once we are at the point of blind trust (which takes years to reach for obvious reasons but we're pretty tame on conditional trust as well). However if our lashing out is met in kind, the defender never gets to question whether we initially overreacted but only notices that his first, still light defensive action is met with an escalation and then, it follows the other side in escalating until they back down or we die. This is very unenjoyable for us but so far, it seems to allow us to take our autonomy back in most situations. So, it doesn't matter how we think about it because survival instincts mandate it remains. One last time: This is not about defending our actions. We get that to the outside world, we are all together only one person who has to stand up for whatever whichever of us does. We just work fundamentally different than 99% of humanity inside our minds. And 1% is like us. And here is the last story of this post: Trauma makes you do things you would never even consider yourself capable of. Once you truly believe that you are literally fighting for your immediate survival, you simply do whatever it take to catch even the smallest break. People who act based on trauma do not follow conventional logic. Imagine a train going on rails that suddenly end but before crossing the end, the train is teleported to a different track, moving into a totally different direction but from inside the train, everyone perceives things as normal and the train as having never left its rails which also won't stop before it's destination. In a practical example, you might argue that because jeans are blue, the ocean is male - but in your mind this appears to be a perfectly logical logical statement and if somebody tells you that it's nonsense, you can't understand how they not see what is to you absolutely obvious. Summarizing: Forget about personality disorders entirely and instead learn how trauma works and you will understand much more.

[@ES_PA]

Spot on.... 💯📌

[@abderrahim2168]

For so long, I thought I was powerful, and stayed in the relationship because I wanted to hahaha

[@licmir3663]

It would be nice to see you “analyze” more fictional characters in films and TV shows that are clearly narcissistic (even if this was not the writer’s intention).

[@tothemars6987]

What to do if I have a child with a narcissistic woman and she no longer shows me the child? Thank you

[@darinsmith2458]

brutal but true..

[@ConsiderationFarm]

Brutally, exactly, my life 8:16 with my wife no more. She very nearly ruined me.

[@jakestown1952]

Yep, I am in my 28th year with her. The whole cycle thing is what defines my relationship. That's how I knew. Ffs.

[@RippleDrop.]

A raging monster, who claims to be an 'Earth angel'.

[@Jackripster69]

Carrot on a stick is a term ive used to describe why i lasted 29 years and the injuries inflected like millions of papercuts. Nothing major just punishing cuts over and over while chasing that carrot. I guess for some fkn morons like myself we lose sight when kids arrive and go into protector, provider and problem solving overdrive mode.

[@mathews0618]

Listen, you will feel something is off. You'll be slightly uncomfortable around them. They will do weird stuff. Theres signs from day one.

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

This is more or less modern western marriage🎉

[@kevinbissinger]

1:02 please if this applies to you please please get help for your codependency. You're the problem here, they're not. 5:44 this seals the deal. If you're this codependent you shouldn't be dating. If you're even thinking of being abandoned then you're not in a healthy place. Adults can't be abandoned. You're responsible for yourself. This lady loves to say a codependent person is the victim but the truth is codependency is just as toxic and selfish as narcissism. 12:25 case in point. You should be getting this from friends and family, not a romantic partner.

[@bobsponge1998]

fear of abandonment only applies to me when i started dating my narcissistic ex. in my previous relationships before my narcissistic ex, i never had this problem and in fact this was my first toxic relationship. so yes i do need help now, but they were the problem.

[@Aggress1vegg]

You might have those fears but in a healthy relationship they rearly happen and are easly overcome with your partner. I wasnt co-dependend I became more and more during the 2.5 y relationship. I constantly tried to establish boundaries and make her more independent and she twisted things playing on my empathy that she is the poor victim that needs my manlyhood to save her and catter to her. Its a high jack of your attachment. A secure person doesnt bring the worst in you, doesnt make you belive they love you doesnt think only of themselves with no remores what price you are paying - as long as her needs are met she has no soul for you but you still belive in the dreamland projection of the begining of the relationship - that she is that person - she is not. Their lack of empathy or support, blameshifting and lots of other things ruin your self-esteem and self-confidence slowly but surely over time. I had planty of self-confidence when I met her. She was depressed and in ruin. Now Im in ruin its like they suck the soul ot of you and when they are done they redicule you and they move to the next. I started having problems with my self-esteem becouse she started slowly and skillfuly putting me down over 1 year of devaluation. A decent human being would never do something like that to someone who they "love". They are just psychos who dont grasp the idea what that is. You try to show them - they never get it. And btw they also want your approval love and validation - but you are giving it - becouse everyone deserves it specially the one you love.

[@AnyaAnnika67]

I'm sorry but as a mental health professional this just sounds more like a person who is incredibly self centred, not particularly altruistic etc; having actual NPD is a whole other ball game & people who don't have the qualifications to diagnose others throw around the term by far too easily as I see in the comments sections & forums of berated ex's. Relationships are very rarely one sided or one person being all bad vs all good as most people point out. If people want evidence based research pertaining to narcissism I suggest you check out Prof Sam Vaknin not the likes of Dr Ramani etc who simply have generic PhDs in psychology of which personality disorders do not feature on the curriculum. If you're a codependent you also need to look up what attachment issues you're bringing to the relationship as many people who seem to get into these kinds of relationships are. Note fear of abandonment & rejection is highly indicative of BPD. If you're stuck in these cycles you really need to do some deep inner work as the problem very rarely manifests in just one person.

[@10greenbottles1-o9q]

Bpd . Trauma is real. Life is hard for people like me . I'm undiagnosed. I know I don't think straight and struggling to understand my own emotions and thoughts. Feeling trapped with horrible thoughts. It's ok people going around and say get over it . Until you find yourself with issues and problems. Trying to talk with an ex of a friend is only any good if both parties meet and are willing to work on any issues that have reason . We all shut down to try and protect what if any peace in our lives we have left . Feeling suicidal is not nice .

[@dogdude2457]

This shit makes me sick.

[@user-de9rx7om9v]

Please do a video about narcissistic friends, not relationship narcissist but actual friends that are narcissists

[@jeffreyhill4705]

I had that issue, could not understand why my wife thought he was a good guy. Being friends with this guy greatly damaged my existing friendships. People would even ask if “he” was going to be there. My wife refused to believe “he” was an issue. My wife and his wife are best friends.

[@jeffreyhill4705]

He was an overt narcissist, it took some time to discover, but my wife is a covert narcissist. As long as he did not offend or make a pass at her, they were good. All the other women he offended did not concern her.

[@AnyaAnnika67]

Are they professionally diagnosed?

[@jeffreyhill4705]

@@AnyaAnnika67 If you hit on multiple women at work, visit with hr, and claim it was the women’s fault. Two of those women are the wives of your friends. That type of guy has some sort of issue. He was almost always the first to be invited over as well, by my wife.

[@0000Ero]

if you have narcissists in your family don't ever share your opinions or perspective with them they would twist your words or tell them with no context in front of all other family members, turning you into one another for no reason but to scapegoat you or have fun never talk to those subhumans