What You Need To Know When Dating Someone With BPD

[@blafonovision4342]

“They love without limit, those they will soon hate without reason.”

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Clair-empathy hits twice as hard.....

[@Stetsonhatman]

Well spoken.

[@johnmourer5747]

Sad. But, true.

[@reallue]

Damn that's true

[@blafonovision4342]

@@reallue my first serious GF was a borderline. I learned a lot from her.

[@coolvanilla300c9]

I just heard a person I've never met recount the last year of my life.

[@joekeenan5284]

I’m with you 💯. When I first researched BPD and relationships I felt remarkably comfortable/at peace finally being understood and validated!

[@matthewnorris203]

You’re not alone in that. I didn’t realize my ex probably had BPD at the time..

[@grantberdell4872]

Big facts

[@blackbusiness7]

Ditto. 😅

[@PoyTroy]

Same bro. My ex def has BPD and is a covert narc

[@joecaner]

Dam! That brings back memories. God, I loved her. She was so wonderful in so many ways, but it would fall apart and become hell. When she left me, again, that final time, and asked to get back together, again, I couldn't do it. I turn her down. That was hard. She wept. I wanted to save her, but I couldn’t even save myself. It was destroying me. It broke my heart.

[@ryanvandy1615]

I know the feeling. It’s hard to see people you care about trapped in a cycle they can’t escape.

[@Greg_Gatsby]

She wasn’t yours. She was never yours. It was just your turn. Walk away and don’t look back. 😳

[@adamlapinski7590]

I know the feeling and experience. I loved mine so much too. It was one of the worst experiences in my life. Power to you my friend.

[@zeroneutral]

Nut up.

[@Kitiwake]

Yep. That's it. One of life's hard decisions.

[@Julie-kh2wh]

i have BPD, married for 25 years with and incredible man. I made the BPD therapy and see a psychologist regularly, i see and progress every day because i love my husband and want to be better for me and for him, hope is possible if the person see herself as see his and respect others

[@Ssungoddess]

This is the only positive comment I’ve found. I understand many people are slighted, abused, harmed by their BDP partners. But I also have BPD & I’ve never abused or even manipulated any of my partners. Having an illness does not excuse someone from being a mature adult. & if someone is excusing their bad behavior because of their illness, THAT IS NOT a mature adult. It’s sad to see the stigma around BPD is so prevalent that there is an entire video dedicated to the ‘abusive BPD girlfriend archetype’… as if everyone woman with BPD is the same 🙃💔

[@PanoramaRolePlay]

​@@Ssungoddesscurrently seeing a girl with bpd for over half a year, and she is literally one of the kindest, compassionate, most communicative people I have ever met. Like yeah, she gets insecure and needs a lot of affirmation, but there is absolutely no abusive behavior as this woman would have you believe. In fact, she will appologize for having completely valid emotions and "bothering me" with her insecurities

[@Anam-meow]

Thank you for writing this positive comment, being a BPD girl I feel so hopeless even when I try hard to work on myself. All I find is negative videos with relationship failures 😢 May God bless you with a happy and successful married life, Amen ❤

[@Julie-kh2wh]

@@Anam-meow i wish you a wonderful partner in life so precious and kind than my man 🌹🇨🇦

[@CameroneProductions]

​@@PanoramaRolePlay- Thankyou for your comment. I think my current GF is fearful avoidant and perhaps BPD....I've just witnessed her first meltdown. But I don't really want to just give up on her just yet. We all have our flaws right? After it passed she was quite humble and apologetic and she certainly can be kind and caring. My challenge will be to stay emotionally centered, set and maintain boundaries and hold space for her if and when it happens.... Do you think this may help? 🙏🕉

[@ncjedi]

12 months ago I was dumped for the third and final time by a neuro-divergent partner for whom I walked on eggshells to keep reassured of the validity of my love. Ever since our break up, I have been trying to analyze and understand what went wrong, my role in the failure of our relationship and what I could have done to prevent it. In a mere 16 minutes, this video has given me a level of clarity that I never knew possible and have been trying to attain for the last year. Thank you so much... I now realize that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the inevitable end.

[@x-man5056]

I have that book. (Walking on Eggshells). Therapist gave it to me to read concerning my wife. I started out highlighting but gave up because I was highlighting everything. It helped a lot though to be validated, that "I", wasn't crazy. Somebody even wrote a book about what kind of crazy maker she was.

[@BigdogLewis]

Same here

[@lelandpeirolo6522]

Same same

[@nathansawicky6333]

Same

[@samzed1291]

So was I and that third wheel happened to be her ex. She is begging me to stay friends after the brutal discard. I’m not interested we are doing no contact. Did she try to Hoover you?

[@matthewclarke1926]

I have had two GFs with BPD. I learned this the hard way: don't text with them too much. They can't code your emotions via text and frequently over-react in a negative way to messages that you never intended to be hurtful. So if you have even a mild disagreement, call them rather than text.

[@BaghNakh1]

I'm already going through this. I try my best to explain through text what I really meant with what I said, but she still blames me and makes me responsible for how she felt about what I said, even if the thing I said was not harmful in any way (sometimes just a "lets agree to disagree" kinda thing) and she's always trying to manipulate me into taking responsability for her emotions, even tho I try to tell her that I can't be responsible for how she feels but I can try my best to support her and have a "soothing" attitude towards her condition so she feels safe, sadly calling her or trying to discuss things with audio messages doesn't do much, she just refuses to listen to them because the idea that I'm trying to hurt her on purpose or that I hate her or whatever just clings on her mind and no matter what I do, those ideas of hers never leave her mind unless I literally take responsability for things that I didn't do or say, and things don't seem to improve in the long run. It's like playing a game that is rigged against you and no matter what you do, you're destined to lose, which is very frustrating because I care about her a lot and I know she's the kind of woman that has her heart in the right place, but it's just so hard man and I already feel like this is draining me and we've only been dating for a couple of months, I don't want to even imagine how things are going to be in the future if things are already like this right now. But it's hard to let go because I feel like if I let go, it feels like I'm failing her or abandoning her for things that are out of her control which feels unfair towards her from my point of view, so I feel conflicted between taking a step aside for my own well being or staying by her side to prove her and myself that I can go through this, but again, it feels like the game is rigged and I'm playing a game where I'm destined to lose no matter what I do.

[@Cosmic_Code]

Only two? Had a lot more. I wonder what its wrong with me sometimes.

[@VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]

I had a BPD girlfriend, and then for a very brief time a different BPD wife. I'm going to save you men trouble. Don't date or be in a relationship with a woman who is BPD. You deserve better. It's not worth the stress and abuse. Better to be alone or keep searching for someone who will make you happy. If you see the signs of BPD, run immediately, cut your losses and move onto a healthy relationship. It will only get worse if you stay.

[@edwinrubio8537]

You really believe that?

[@robmcguckin7605]

@@edwinrubio8537 YES!

[@bertkilborne6464]

I remember when I was a teen, Older guys would tell me don't get involved with a woman who's 'crazy' I thought it sounded cool because he said they like lots of sex. Later, I found out that I should've listened.

[@pjuliano9000]

Yeah i got Rekt dealing with one … RUN AWAY NOW

[@taylorhickman84]

Having recently dated someone who I believe was undiagnosed, I believe if they are committed to treatment there's is no reason to discard them.

[@LeoTheComm]

As someone who has been in a long term relationship with a borderline and also has clinical experience working with them my suggestion is to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction! You'll never meet a more chaotic and confusing person in your life and your soul will be sucked out and destroyed just by being in their presence.

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Some professional you are. Heartless empty person you are.

[@Portia620]

Sounds like NPD as I married a covert Narracist. Spent years analyzing and trying to figure it out before entering another realtionship including my part.

[@reallue]

​@@Portia620 they can hav both NPD & BPD. My ex/sons mother is undiagnosed & untreated. It's taken me countless hours of YT Vids & reading to narrow down what I'm dealing w/ so I could wrap my head around what has so profoundly derailed my entire life. I've tried everything. When I realized the relationship would never work, I've tried everything to just have working, civil co-parenting relationship w/ her. & it nothing has worked. She actively makes sure of tht. So, I've recently had to block her on my phone. I didn't want it to havta come to tht but she's not handled tht well at all. Surprising, since all her actions have lead to this outcome. I thought this was what she wanted. She's not letting me see my son til she gets what she wants (to be Unblocked). But I can't do that. She'd havta earn tht by righting her wrongs. I don't think she's capable of tht. I'm sick of rebuilding this bridge btwn her & I, tht she keeps burning. Maybe if she finally has to rebuild it, she'll hav more respect for it. Should've done this a long time ago, tbh How long is that gonna take, tho? Til she accepts she fkd up too much & let's me go. & stops punishing/emotionally abusing our son to get out of the consequences of her own actions. It's like a hostage negotiation. Not the 1st,unfortunately. I've had to talk her down to get knives away from his throat at 1mo old, or to get her to stop dangling him over broken glass as to threaten to hurt me. It's an ugly situation. & she has full custody bc I didn't hav proof & I thought it was pregnancy hormones/temporary. I loved her & still wanted to be w/ her. & I didn't realize what I was dealing with at all until after the relationship ended. Not knowing she was cheating the whole time I was at work. Or tht every accusation was a confession. & I was an idiot for defending myself against false accusations. It wasted so much of my time/attn/focus/energy/life force. & I got nothing in return for all iv done for her It's bn ~ 1-1.5mo. I'd love to see my (13yo) son but I can't/won't just unblock her. Esp not in reward for toxic behavior, like emotional abusing our son, & only promising to stop when I give in. She denying him time w/ his only parent tht truly loves him & spends all 1-on-1 time w/ him. He needs to get away from her emotional abuse & his stepdads passive aggressive abuse & favoritism for his ½sister & step-sister. He hates it there. They treat him like Cinderella. Unfortunately, Im btwn jobs rt now. Finally Taking the time to heal all my issues I got from my relationship w/ her. Betrayal trauma, trauma bond, PTSD, ADHD, etc..

[@noelgillett346]

the diagnosis itself is little more than an unscientific stereotype. even so, it's better than nothing, and in that regard I couldn't agree with you more. but what I do wish would be emphasized is that all of these extreme diagnoses are associated with organic brain injury. the establishment is conspiring to hide post-mortem histopathological analysis that confirms this fact, all the while pushing psychiatric drugs purposesfully designed so as to advance the underlying injury. hence our system is all about genocide. and it's no wonder. in WWII Germany it was the psychiatric profession that ended up running the gas chambers, and post war it was our national security state that imported these disgusting bastards as the leaders of psychiatry who have given rise to horror of the field that we must endure unto the present day. this in turn gravely exacerbates the problem of the boarderline population. indicative of the stupidity of the mental health profession, the nomenclature here that would appear to imply that there is some phenomenon between two states, is itself completely misleading. fashioned so as to disinform, the entire impetus of the profession is to drive the patient into poverty, homelessness, criminalization and violent death. nobody pays attention to outcomes. and nobody cares.

[@joecummings1260]

100 percent guarantee that they will cheat on you, lie about everything, stab you in the back, and if there's a situation where you really need Their help they will promise the world and then ghost you

[@AL-sg2jd]

Don’t ever get involved. Treated or not. They can say all the right things. “They will never cheat” “I’ve had a troubled past” “you are the only one in my life that’s treated me well”. Blah blah blah. It eventually comes crashing down and you will be hurt and destroyed most of all. They will simply move on to the next unsuspecting “hero” to save them.

[@MrFingerz14]

No one will break your heart like a women with bpd.. Amazing video!

[@jayc342009]

They really are broken people, it makes you sad for them

[@Yazi5678]

A man with BPD will also break your heart. Sad but true. 😢

[@wingknight7132]

​@@jayc342009not broken people they are demons

[@sanzeu86]

I still believe narcisist their on top !

[@saiasdlalsdsk1203]

​@@wingknight7132stop adding to the stigma. Just because you had a bad experience with someone with BPD doesn't mean we are all the same. There's people living with BPD who are self aware and trying really hard with therapy to get better, for other people we love and for ourselves, so generalizing doesn't help the cause.

[@limitedtime5471]

Grew up with bpd siblings. Run, don't walk, you can't love them out of it. I'm here picking up tools to help my siblings kids one day

[@Joshdifferent]

💯🙏🏽💯

[@x-man5056]

Wow, that would nightmare. I'd keep my kids away from them.

[@RyanChand-c5b]

You can’t move someone that doesn’t know how to or accept love. You’re definitely right. Listen to this person everyone.

[@x-man5056]

In '98, I went to a marriage counselor after being married not quite a year. After a couple sessions he wanted to talk to my wife. When I saw him again he told me she wouldn't answer any of his questions, only wanted to talk about the list she made of my perceived transgressions. She told him EVERYTHING was my fault. He told me he wasn't diagnosing her because he hadn't had enough time with her but he thought she was likely BPD. Told me that treatment rarely helped these people. He said if he was me he'd get away from her as far and as fast as he could. To this day, I believe THAT is the BEST answer. Don't waste your life with a BPD.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

So typical to say everything was your fault.

[@DireWolf28]

This is the only way. My friends, hear his advice...no bpd partners ever for any reason. Leave them to date each other.

[@x-man5056]

@@DireWolf28 They date each other. That's a scary thought. How'd you like to be next door to that? Not just 1 but 2 and married to each other.

[@edwinrubio8537]

It happened sometime similar to me, My GF blame of all the drama in the relationship, and for a moment, I tough that was all my fault. Until I went to therapy and realize that not all was my fault, and probably was my couple at the time perception that got put me in that situation.

[@courtesyofdickboak]

Your lucky. My marriage counselor did everything she could to enable my BPD ex wife Once during an argument I retreated to the car and licked myself in to leave for a few minutes until things cooled down. She stood behind the car holding our 1 year old baby then laid the baby down behind the rear wheel of the running car which I immediately shut off. A week later she tried to run me over in a parking lot. The marriage counselor said “you seem to have an issue around cars lately”. Completely corrupted field full of bias

[@PhillyThug]

A story about my BPD ex - she sent me an 18+ picture of a woman/model. Later that night, after I went to bed, she got drunk and I woke up to dozens of missed calls and texts saying "WHO IS THIS GIRL? ARE YOU SCREWING HER??". She didn't even realise that she was the one who sent me the picture!

[@VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]

What most likely happened is she meant to be sending those to some other guy, for whatever reason. Maybe it was some gal she knew. Maybe she wanted a three some with that guy, who knows. She later tried to cover her tracks and threw a tantrum to throw you off. It worked, you just thought she was nuts and you never found out what was really going on. I've had that kind of reaction happen too so she could hide a mistake. They turn the tables on you and make you look like you did something wrong. It's a known tactic.

[@RyanChand-c5b]

spot on @@VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

[@dmgsoultogetherness6667]

do you still have the 18+ photo by any chance 🙂

[@dustyplumbob]

@@dmgsoultogetherness6667LMAO

[@rifekimler3309]

She knew what she was doing. She probably was cheating on you.

[@Zoe-im6th]

I've just got out from a 10 years relationship with a girl with BPD. My sense of self was gone, I've got burned out by her demands and after I started to get in touch with myself and set boundaries the relationship ended.

[@lalosalamanca8574]

It took you 10 yrs. It wouldn't take me 10 seconds. Damn some people got a weak spine.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Stop my stomach hurt😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 10 years

[@Laura-nl8df]

@@lalosalamanca8574 It's not a weak spine. It's just a caring person who likes to fix things. They fall in love with the image of a perfect mate not realizing the con.

[@monk4ever]

Simping is unhealthy.

[@nxk_yt]

@@lalosalamanca8574no need to be a dickhead about it

[@Portia620]

They hate boundaries! They hate reality! They love to love bomb and then rage and cause you to cheating when they cheating and doing so much more behind your back!

[@timothyleer3053]

Friends, listen. I was there, I know the pain too. Do not hold hatred in your heart. Let it go. The drama of life is unavoidable. It takes two to tango. Human beings are flawed. Your suffering was inevitable. Your ex is human too, and has also suffered. Move forward with living the rest of your life.

[@VIDS2013]

Nope--it just takes *one* psychopath to cause problems. They're very good at hiding what they are.

[@daviscameron1]

Vid- yes they hide their true self like a naughty child fearing that people will know they are naughty or brocken. Unfortunately this often negates treatment & care givers being able to help. My experience her family & even doctors swept it under the carpet which promotes & enables the pwbpd to continue untreated & project the trauma / cause of their bpd onto the intimate partners & the cycle continues. It takes time to realise that regardless of what you do to try & help it’s an extreme mental illness & the inverse projection of love is hate / lover = their child hood abuser is an un fixable situation as of the coping mechanisms of pwbpd is denial, disassociation & projection. Much of the literature & clinicians of bpd state although it is treatable if the pwbpd is willing it’s UN FIXABLE! Years of untreated trauma is wired physiologically (soma) to their (psyche). Which would need a comprehensive reconstruction of their soma / psyche system over many years possibly. Which would be a terrifying concept for anyone with or within bpd. I move forward in knowing that I did love her & that I did everything I could to try & help, (for a long time not knowing what was going on) gave her love, shelter, compassion paid for therapists etc & got blamed & destroyed for it. I feel no resentment as I know now there was nothing more I could do for a person I loved yet a person who struggled to love herself…& suffering from a highly complex mental health disorder that may sadly impact her for life…yet I hope not!

[@noshame5791]

Thank you ❤️

[@marianpotcovaru1609]

You have no right to call them like that. You are not in their shoes. So you don't understand what's inside their head. I was going through a love story with a woman like that, but that doesn't make me a hater.​@@VIDS2013

[@Anton-qc1fk]

@@VIDS2013There is a huge trend of people like you demonizing them to spare yourself the pain that comes as a cost of emotional investment. You are valid in doing so, I did the same and still do but recently I have understood a different perspective of it and I feel like we are all approaching it from the wrong angle with the wrong tools to begin with. To make baseline generalizations and assertions that could possibly contribute in their irrational fears of abandonment

[@barrybjerke9353]

...drop everything and run like hell...(seriously though)...run like hell !

[@TDDMS]

Yeah here's some quick and simple advice when you discover your are dating a borderline, run for the hills. Ghost her ASAP. Don't give her the break up speech. Just run.

[@latinumbavariae]

Most underrated comment.

[@Armyinfantry_11b]

So right

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

So wrong ! You are above it all ! That is what is wrong with people. You all seem so righteous.

[@latinumbavariae]

@@Thatsbannanas-d8c Yes we are, but first and foremost we are fed up and done suffering through the BS and shittesting BPD-persons had forced upon us. So please, please, please, with sugar on top... get a (real) life or go and glimb a tree.

[@acutiff7125]

I second this statement.

[@Banana42699]

As a woman with bpd. I appreciate this insight very much. I love how you speak truth of the disorder and how hard it is on the partners to deal with. I also appreciate the end of the video that you show empathy for us. It is heartbreaking. And some of most of us do not want to deal with the pain of it all. The comments on this video are hurtful, but I get it 1000 percent.

[@kaarlows]

Anna, at least it seems you're conscious about it, and hope you will seek treatment for it. For sure I can understand the hurtful comments towards women with BPD, but you really don't have an idea of how devastating to the psique of men who have relationship with one. Specially because in most of the cases, we will do everything within our grasp to be give back the passion, idealization and care a woman with BPD pour to her partner on her highs. However, the emotional state of BPD is so unpredictable, so illogical and the lows are so extremely and abruptly low, that doesn't take over a month in relationship that a sane man in such relationship just have his emotional state be completely eroded and drained out of his life. Hence, I have to agree with basically 100% of the comments here: run as far and fast as you can from a BPD girl. She will destroy you!

[@Banana42699]

@@kaarlows thanks. I hope you find healing from what people have done to you. You have every right to say what you say, but also, a lot of us take responsibility for ourselves and are working to get to normalcy. I’m not some crazy person all the time. I work 40+ hours a week, enjoy going to car shows with my boyfriend, love hiking and my dog, my family is very important to me especially my grandma. I’m not BPD, i have traits of it but it does not make me as a person. im not the perfect person, but getting stuck in the cycle of bpd hate especially coming from others will not change our behaviors. Having a opinion strong on either side whether it be coddling people with bpd or otherwise enabling is not helpful just as shunning us completely is not helpful either. As a person with black and white thinking I think it’s important to look at the grey too. I think if someone is willing to love someone else with bpd, they should learn more about the disorder or just not continue the relationship at all! Also thanks for commenting back to me. I love seeing other peoples perspectives on it wether I agree or not : )

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

I'm sorry you find the comments hurtful, for me if my ex had been open and honest about it, id have done all I could to support her. I tried my best for years but she wasn't prepared to look inward, instead preferring to attack me at every opportunity.

[@perborjel7928]

If you truly care about others, which I seriously doubt if you indeed have borderline, you should become a hermit. Don't get involved with people. You will destroy their lives.

[@barflyhawaii]

I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship with a covert narcissist and it was the wildest ride of my life! It’s been 5 months and I’m still thinking to myself, wtf just happened? The takeaway is a much better understanding of BPD and covert narcissist’s. So yeah, most definitely I am now a super empath, thanks to videos like this one. Pay close attention to red flags and never do this chit again 🫶🏼

[@aefortner]

Just went through one abusive relationship cycle with a BPD girlfriend. It was so draining and exhausting mentally, emotionally, and financially. I certainly had empathy and compassion for her condition but I had to end the relationship to prevent her from ruining my life. The devaluation stage is so vile and brutal. The angry outbursts can happen at anytime and anyplace. Do what you like, but I prefer peace and tranquility. Stay safe everyone.

[@C_Masi]

I didnt realize until after the fact that an ex I had was borderline. But the whole thing messed me up. Never again. So glad for these videos that bring more awareness to what this condition is. Because I didnt know and just thought I was doing something wrong. But this ex had every red flag of bpd and others have told me she has continued to do this toxic pattern with other relationships since. Mostly the immediate intense lovebombing, the lying, cheating, extreme changes in emotion from one moment to the next, ghosting, magical thinking, and then shutting off getting spaced out for days, misreading others, judging them as either angelic or demonic, etc. Its extremely exhausting.

[@ropekd1681]

Exactly the same for you. It’s amazing how similar they are.

[@OkdsBo]

What do you mean by magical thinking?

[@C_Masi]

@Okds Bo its a term in psychology. I think it means to believe in a bunch of superstitious nonsense and to believe your thoughts or feelings make reality different just by thinking or feeling alone, etc. This ex of mine does this alot.

[@C_Masi]

@Celeste Lopez No I think its more pronounced and extreme. Its more on the level where it creates problems in the persons life is my understanding. For example my ex was a hardcore christian but it was to the point where she suddenly one day began believing myself and other people were demons and devils, and that she was an angel along with other chosen ones who could alter reality with their mental powers. She was love bombing me one day, the next day she ghosted me and started telling everyone I was Satan, only to return days later to try to love bomb me again. Cheating on me with other men during the time of ghosting which I only learned about later. It was truly bizarre. Truth is she was just detached from reality and smokin alot of dope. But she always had this weird idea that she was some sort of Angel from god meant to alter the course of humanity with her mental powers.

[@mrfake675]

You describe my ex to a tee. A mixture if Disneyland and 1984

[@davewelbylivinginhistinyti4796]

I'm 63 and on my own, because I have lived with several women in the past with all those behavioural patterns that you described in your video Lise. Great content 🙏

[@davidrobert2007]

I would love to meet a woman who is just down to earth, humble and normal, and who you could have a normal conversation with, someone who has some interest in the world we live in. Wouldn't it be great?

[@davewelbylivinginhistinyti4796]

@@davidrobert2007 It normally starts that way, and can change within a space of three to six months ! Then after falling in love, the changing patterns of insecurities shows it's sadness, one starts to feel sorry and trying to understand and help. The feeling of losing in my case my identity is what sadly leads me to end such relationships, the last one being last June, which I thought, at last looks like the woman I've been longing for. The relationship lasted six months. And believe me I really tried, because I left at least four times but because she contacted me making me feel sorry for her, l ended going back to her ! Maybe the problem with my ex's is that they all knew that l was also happy being alone too 🙏

[@brianreed8271]

I did it twice for a long-term. Fifteen years each time. It's hard to believe they're not all like that. I keep telling myself they can't be. I'm 56 years old, I have to put myself first for now on. I have buried my shining armor and eliminated the captain save-a-ho inside me.

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

@@brianreed8271 15 years? Twice? How could you endure this? Did they do therapy? Were their symptoms mild? Were you conscious about their bpd and could help them?

[@brianreed8271]

@@lorenzrosenthal119 the first one did not know there was anything wrong with her. In fact we had to go to therapy during the custody battle. I got custody of course. The psychological evaluation was her idea. It made her look like a narcissistic not jobs. The evaluator told the judge the kids would be better with me. I'm not sure how my ex reacted to that I was not around to see it. Two years later I fell for another disordered woman. She admitted to having psychological problems and was on medication. I feel really stupid now but I thought she was helping herself. And this is hard to say but I thought I could help her. She could be really wonderful at times and I wanted it to work so badly. No I am all hollowed out inside and they'd never completely recover.

[@mutechannel13]

I was with a person with BPD. Her friends hated me. All of them told her to leave me because of what she was telling them about me. They said she deserved better than me and to find a guy with money that will pay all of her bills. They all called me a Narcissist. She was the victim. They encourage her to find another guy. She did and cheated. I caught her. She left me. Her and all of her friends lived happily ever after. THE END. The worst part of being with someone with BPD is they are influenced by their friends and they pick their friends over their partner.

[@bombinspawn]

Yes bro. This is exactly what happened to me, to a T. Life's pretty dull after a roller coaster like that but it's less dramatic at least.

[@yuckykent1355]

crazy im going through that rn

[@bombinspawn]

@@yuckykent1355 keep ya head up

[@derekjoyce6152]

What's going on is that they are siding with the people who reinforce what they already believe and validate what they feel. The friends won't get the full side of the story unless they hear it from the other partner and even then the friends would likely struggle to accept it because of the friendship history. Don't take it personally.

[@darriusjeddburgh6316]

bullshit. they are rarely influenced by their friends. they are monsters, pure and simple

[@21sparrow7]

“Instead of enjoying your beer, you have a text battle with her” If this isn’t indicative of the large majority of the whole relationship I had with a BPD, even after ending it, she would be trying to convince me to come back and give her a chance (after years of abuse)… they suck joy out of any opportunity of independence.

[@mikeg2491]

Cell phones probably only magnify these BPD issues 10x too which is the sad part. I think more relationships managed to work in the past because guys would just walk out for a few hours and release the pressure valve, but with text messaging you’re on eggshells 24/7.

[@TheSapphireLeo]

Depending on their traits, beer may also exaccerbate that?

[@21sparrow7]

@@TheSapphireLeo absolutely. Alcohol mostly increases issues. Sometimes it makes things flow better, but only for a short time, unless it’s “win-over” time, like early in the relationship, or trying to get back in good graces.

[@x-man5056]

They want their hostage.

[@x-man5056]

@@TheSapphireLeo Yes, any alcohol. Unlocks any restraints on ill behavior she has.

[@coolvanilla300c9]

If anyone ever literally refers to you as "their favorite person", RUN! DO.NOT.LOOK.BACK.

[@Joshdifferent]

Yup

[@jayc342009]

Truth, you will never make them happy

[@juliapanko9192]

🤣😂

[@thegeniusofthecrowd354]

My mum had it. When she went off it was like she was demonically possessed and her triggers were often quite innocuous. She only had to imagine a sleight.

[@luciamixon4156]

So sorry. My mom too. Ruined our family.

[@snoozyq9576]

Yea my bestie has bpd and I see her fly off the handle at her partner over nothing all the time

[@danielabbey7726]

Yep, same here. Mom was never diagnosed in her lifetime, but she had all the symptoms and hallmarks.

[@haraheartless4717]

As someone with treated and stable BPD, she's speaking about unstable folks with no treatment. Please don't be like the comments and say "never date someone with BPD". How about just don't date someone that doesn't take care of themselves or take responsibility.

[@Wolf-Man88]

All of these comments are so mean and don't seem to have any understanding of the person suffering with BPD. My gf has it as well as AudHD and depression. She is getting treatment and will be starting ADHD meds soon and she is the most amazing person I know. I've never felt a love like hers and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I'm happy to hear you're treated and stable 🙂

[@carlauclair8748]

Did a 20 year relationship/family of 6 kids with a BPD….when it fell apart , it went breaking bad dialed to 1000; now she’s facing a life sentence for murder. I could write a best seller on our life together.

[@JT-cf5ol]

write the book, even a short article, maybe someone will read it and avoid a nightmare.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Well done for getting free Carl.

[@outoffire]

was she getting treatment?

[@Will324]

Who did she murder ? One of her kids ?

[@Socoolral]

My heart goes out for people with this disorder. This video did hit home and I understand more than I did yesterday, so, it’s progress. Although the relationship ended, I continue to think and wonder about her. I’m sure that will be something I do for who knows how long. I’m blessed I found your channel Lise. It’s taken me from feeling really low at times to having a better understanding of the what had happened. Luv you and I thank you. Stay healthy and safe inside your body🤙🏼😉

[@Duzykutas]

I empathise with them too but I truly believe that (like narcissists) they just dont put enough effort into getting better and instead focus too much on playing victim.

[@tubab72]

@@Duzykutas They "adapt" that is for sure. But what they actually feel "deep" inside, like putting enough effort in, you will NEVER KNOW. Plain reason; they do not even know themself !!

[@Duzykutas]

@@tubab72 Agreed, but they should figure it out. It's the avoidance that creates most of the problems for them

[@jannamichelle7160]

As someone with undiagnosed BPD, this is really a good explanation. It's difficult to feel stable and be consistent in relationships because of the constant need for reassurance. Without that reassurance, I am often triggered into the alternate persona. This "switch" thinks, feels and acts differently and comes out as a defense mechanism. We are incredibly demanding and intelligent, but we also feel terrible for watching a tragedy unfold that we have little to no control over. I'm able to control it better now in my late 20s, and it's still overwhelming.

[@paulbodi9376]

Knowing this why not go get diagnosed and follow the needed process to better your life and of those around you that you love and love you?

[@jannamichelle7160]

@@paulbodi9376 you can get help without the diagnosis - which is expensive.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Thank you for explaining, I wish my ex had your openness and honesty.

[@devantesinatra8578]

Me and fiancée are going through this now she shut me and her mom out any way to get back in she also told me to go find someone who will love me.

[@sds6303]

It is true, as a therapist myself, DBT is seen as a specialty so most insurance companies won’t cover the cost. Most people who receive DBT treatment are paying out of pocket & it’s expensive.

[@jamescross6208]

110% true! She turned on me recently, using hateful insults. She just laughed. She was convinced I was cheating on her. I just had to walk away. I loved her but she was killing me with her up and down behaviour. Thank you for your amazing work. A 10-month roller-coaster ride. Will miss the good parts.

[@kirogre67]

My girlfriend have BPD, im a psychology student and the BPD is the only mental disorder that i dont understand, and this video helped me😊

[@timothyrockwell2638]

Was in a relationship with a woman with BPD and a bad meth addiction. She is a special and amazing person, and I tried my best to support her, help her, and make things work, but in the end I was neglecting myself and my family and my friends in the process; so I had to let her go.... which was a nightmare in itself. I'm left feeling hollow and drained, but at least now I can focus on taking care of myself.

[@vampireslayer1989]

Lise, I simply did not know. It was not until therapy after I broke it off, that I understood what happened. At first, I thought that she was a Covert Narcissist, or had multiple personalities. And "yes" I was a rescuer (like Harry with Meghan). It took me a few months; but there are subtile differences in that a BPD can have empathy (at times). Once I understood BPD, the abandonment issues, abuse, splitting and cognitive dissonance all made sense. Ugh, what a difficult journey. Excellent video!!!!!!! 100% spot on.

[@veritasprojects8064]

I recently walked away, went no contact because she destroyed so much of my inner peace.

[@snoozyq9576]

Good on you hope youre doing better now

[@louisrehojr.312]

This explains my ex perfectly!! No matter what I did to be there for her, she would always spin things and blame me. Whenever I was busy Caregiving for my parents, she'd blame me for not spending time with her or not asking for help. But when I asked for help, she was busy with things. I could never win, and when I pointed out her depression and anxiety, and mental health instability, she'd be in denial and shut down. I am so grated I am out of this emotional roller coaster. It saved me a life of anguish and disappointment. Unfortunately people like her don't want help, or don't see their issues unless something drastic happens in their lives.

[@lordvader6512]

I broke up with my gf recently because she had all the issues described in this video and the relationship was on the ropes. Single mom. Always struggling with her job, paying bills and getting along with people. Rents from someone selling the house and is soon to be in a bind. No way in hell would I move her in with me with that kind of untreated behavior. Just a disaster waiting to happen and I didn't want to be in the position of evicting her and her son.

[@louisrehojr.312]

@@lordvader6512 sounds like my ex!! She's in denial about everything and now seeing someone else, and threw it in my face!! Good riddance, never going back to that emotionally abusive, and in denial behavior. She needs Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Group Therapy, plus mood stabilizers and constant therapy. Yet will not, and won't admit to her issues. Apparently her new "relationship " is nothing but both playing rescue, and victims. Good luck with that magical thinking and delusional life!! I wasted 9 years with that, was there for her throughout breast cancer, grandparents passing and ultimately her mother passing. It felt like I was her Caregiver, and support person. When that was all over, she bailed on helping my parents and I and met someone just as messed up as her!! She's vindictive, emotionally abusive, passive aggressive, condescending, unappreciative and ungrateful for everything I did for her. Yet she claimed she was a "Christian!" Ha A fraud and a phony Christian if I ever saw one. She's a Chamilion and adapts to her "favorite person," and virtue signals to the outside world, and hides her dirt to her family and friends. What goes around comes around as I say. God sees all!!

[@anthonyinsani9914]

No doubt

[@dontarguewithidiots7459]

It's a fine line. Disorder or not, abusive conduct should not be tolerated. One off ? maybe. Pattern? NEVER.

[@kellyblack4897]

I keep hearing that bit where it says "RUN" followed by dramatic music

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

i saw the enterprise getting pulled into the nexus.....

[@geoffreybester7953]

I had my car stolen by my BPD girlfriend, and then she just gave it away to a gangster to extort me for money, and more. They are cruel!!

[@ransomemckissick8184]

I was in a 5-month relationship with a lady with BPD. The early stages of the realtionship, the idealization phase, was great! Then, I left her at home, to go to a business meeting, and received a barrage of nasty text messages. Later that day, I took her home [she lived with her parents in Walnut Creek, CA, whereas I live in San Jose, CA]. Not even 30 minutes after I dropped her off, I got a text from her, saying that she was ending the relationship! All my Lyft passengers [mostly psychologists and psychology students] with whom I share this story, say that I dodged a bullet!

[@DPage1991]

I'm currently in court with my Ex-girlfriend of 3 years right now. She framed me for domestic violence a month after I added her name to my lease. I was a Lyft driver aswell and all of my passengers I shared this story to agreed that she may have BPD

[@x-man5056]

It was a blessed day.

[@x-man5056]

@@DPage1991 My former spouse, a BPD, did that to me too, minus the lease part, we owned a house. She made the mistake of taking a swing at me and her ring cut my eyebrow open. Cop showed up, I was bleeding. She showed at the emergency room with a handful of her own hair. claiming I had pulled them out. The nurses knew women don't stop to pick up their hair when being assaulted. So did the Cop. He came back to the house and asked me if I wanted to file charges. There is only one answer to the title of this video. "get away from her as far and as fast as you can. No forgive her (she doesn't think she did anything anyway), no lets make up, no lets be friends, cut it off completely.

[@DPage1991]

@@x-man5056 She threw multiple glass picture frames at me which left 2 cuts to my forehead, 1 cut on my leg, and a small cut behind my ear. She didn't have any marks or bruises on her, but the police still ended up arresting me. Hopefully once the court case gets dismissed, I'll be able to re-open the case.

[@alh915]

@@DPage1991 I notice that the person I know with BPD blames all the people close to her for not treating her properly. She sees herself as everybody's victim.

[@mikejames9642]

This is so real to me. I dated a single mother for over 2 years. She could be the absolute sweetest and kindest person but then say the craziest and meanest things I’ve ever heard. She was all over the place and NEVER took accountability for anything. She even told me that she was confident that she could survive in a POW camp and the bad guys could never crack her mentally. She would almost never apologize and if she did, it was very brief and she wouldn’t discuss details. I wouldn’t see her for a while and then she would come over and we’d have amazing sex all day long. Afterwards, she would ask… “Are we all-good now?” She kept me in constant confusion. I’d wake up at 3AM trying to understand what was going on. I even started journaling about things she would say. I had really fallen for her and wanted it to work out but I told her that I needed her to explain things to me and show me some consistent positive behavior. I guess it just wasn’t possible for her. So she blamed me for everything and said I used her and led her on. She even changed my name in her phone to “Mike the Scary 👹 Monster” That was the last straw. I had to move on but it really hurt. After the love bombing phase, the next year was absolutely the most bizarre time of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever get her out of my head. But, I couldn’t help her. Every time we start getting closer she would sabotage the relationship. I told her that I thought she should see a counselor and even mentioned BPD. She later told me that she saw a counselor and was tested negative but she was lying. It was obvious. I asked for the counselors name but she wouldn’t tell me. I hurt for everyone with BPD and those attached to them.

[@vuyomzilikazi4229]

Really scary

[@peterbalac1915]

Wow almost textbook thanks for sharing bud, respect ❤

[@FoxedBeats]

Ive gone through the same thing man....5 years. Completely cut out of her and her kids life now we are broken up, he called me his second dad but she said no more contact. After months of saying she wanted me in his life. She was with a new guy 24 years older than me 2 days after we broke up a 5 year relationship.

[@edwinrubio8537]

Totally feel you, just been there.

[@idunno6480]

Man this sounds very similar to what I’m experiencing at the moment. Being confused by it all is putting it lightly. Thanks all

[@frankbreuer8849]

A super valuable and important message that you deliver, especially (but definitely not limited to) the first 45 seconds. Never ever underestimate the suction (metaphorically speaking) a personality disorder of some sort can create that will drain your energy and potentially your life.

[@deusvult9349]

The best way to protect yourself from women like this is no cohabitation and no marriages. I found that slowing things down with women will usually reveal their true personality in time. I've dodged countless bullets that way and since I'm snipped and always wear protection there are never any surprises.

[@elminero49]

Its also important to not finance the relationship. Do not give her expensive gifts. Do not loan her money even for cigarettes. For the most part go dutch. Do not even leave your belonging over at her place. She may try to justify her bad behavior on the fact that you are not buying her anything, but so what. Be prepare for a breakup.

[@deusvult9349]

@@elminero49 If you go into it knowing that she's not yours, it's just your turn, then everything is smooth sailing. In fact, I don't want a relationship to last because it just means I'm missing out on using that time on other things and priorities in my life that should supersede any woman regardless of looks. You are absolutely correct in saying that you should never finance the relationship in any way and definitely never loan a woman money cause you'll never get it back. Been there and done that before.

[@elminero49]

@@deusvult9349 Are you OK with living alone when you are 60+ years old thinking that you wasted a lot of time with the wrong woman? Why do men stay with a borderline? Its the sex. ...but what happens to sex when you get older? If you stay too long with a borderline, you just end up with a bitchy woman that you don't even have sex with anymore. Then for financial reasons you might have to stay and be her little bitch boy. My advice: Don't spend too much time with the wrong woman. Get out of the relationship and find the right woman. Some women are cool, easy going and are fair about splitting the finances.

[@jesseaguirre2961]

So so true !

[@garyg3327]

Sounds like you a fellow M.... something something 😃

[@christophercooper7467]

I just got out of a relationship with a girl with borderline. This is an extremely validating video. It also still makes me feel terribly sad for her. She was terrible to me, but I also see that her brain really is broken, and that there is nothing she can do to change.

[@joeanonymous1834]

Don't feel sad for her. Personality disorder is not an insanity defense. They know the difference between right and wrong. They CHOOSE to do wrong. They are wicked, horrible women that destroy everything in their path in order to try and make themselves feel better, knowing all the while that it won't. They are just plain evil.

[@vuyomzilikazi4229]

This is exactly what im experiencing. Such a rollercoaster. Lise this is spot on. Everything you're saying is true. The texts they send, the words that they throw at you.

[@therocinante3443]

Ruuuuuuun

[@silasketgaskets8709]

was dating a super smart, super lovely registered nurse. at first was great until the behaviors you described began, or perhaps when they became apparent to me. i was working in healthcare also and she came to tell me i could not work at my hospital any more because too many pretty women worked there (she was one of them) the last straw was when she literally sat on the pavement behind my parked car so i could not leave the parking space (go to work)without hitting her. she would not budge using polite words/requests. finally i got on the phone and began to dial the police. that motivated her to get up. she had graduated from the toughest most selective university nursing program. i have heard a significant % of mental heath providers do not accept BPD patients.

[@charlesshearercreativeworks]

This video was absolutely eerie to listen to, because it described what I was subjected to in my last relationship. There is truly no reasoning with someone who has been triggered by a fabrication in their own mind and has entered an 'altered state' (as I call it) of blaming, accusing, assuming... in a word: attacking. The first time she did this, I was genuinely scared and confused; over repeated instances, I started having panic attacks; in the end, all I could do was turn off from her and enforce peace and quiet on myself.

[@lawrencecrowell5360]

I was married to a BPD for 10 years. Two years into the marriage I read the DSM and zeroed in on BPD as the problem. It was exhausting.

[@michaelreid2329]

Run! NOTHING they say can be trusted

[@JustTryingToBeAGoodDad]

Man! I have lived this. Twice with the same person Best video I've found yet on BPD that details my experiences all the way. The relationships are pure abuse. And, I have two children with my person, so I have to deal with her for the rest of my life. 🤦‍♂

[@athanasiusdicia117]

Don't let her ruin your children. You're their only hope...

[@JustTryingToBeAGoodDad]

@@athanasiusdicia117 I'm trying, but it's costing me. About to go $150k in the hole as I fight her legally to protect my children. I'll protect my children no matter what - it's probably just going to cost us our home. Had to hide the GoFundMe I had going because apparently speaking the truth is unacceptable because it's makes disparaging remarks against the real victimizer - the person with BPD. I'm trying...for my boys...I'm trying... thank you for your words of encouragement. They really do help. 🙌

[@Silly_Brain]

My wife is BPD. We are married one year, together four years. Yes, it is hard. But with a good therapist, more or less supporting families on both sides and a hell lot of learning and hard work both on her and on my side, we have a great marriage. I wouldn´t change anything. Those people can get better, and most actually do go into remision (they are not diagnosable anymore) after couple years. Key is to be able to set your own borders and be firm, but compasionate about that. They fear abandonement above all, and any border you set (ie. I cant pick up phone at work), they percieve as you abandoning them. But with time and a lot of patience, their brain will rewire and they will get better. P.S. If you are in such a relationship, always keep yourself safe first, only then you can help others. And please, reach out to professionals for help.

[@bjb2309]

Its so strange seeing how they act around people after a breakup with a person with BPD. Childlike, and the lack of identity shows clear as day, almost scrambling to find it in the next person. If only that next person knew that if you get close to this person when they're not treated, you will be walking into an eggshell minefield that will ruin you. Once you've been through it, you can't unsee the craziness of it. Its ungodly painful to endure a breakup with one of these people. It will destroy you, and force you to rebuild everything. The only way out of it is to heal the wounds in childhood that brought you to find a person like this in the first place, and zero contact with this person, probably forever. I wish all people with bpd and those who've been hurt by them nothing but healing and peace. This affliction seems almost demonic in nature and its terrible for both involved. ❤

[@1mattbutch]

Very well put.

[@edwinrubio8537]

Sadly but true, been in this painful situation right now..

[@WTHenry2023]

So well put. The "call" of the BPD is like the Siren's Song. You are lured in by their "song" and quickly destroyed on the rocks. They quickly move on to the next victim and the last victim spends decades recovering from the damage and trying to understand what happened, often times blaming themselves for the BPD's behavior.

[@xochj]

We can't understand, until 6 years of abuse from her, and we've developed nearly identical issues.

[@Wizler71]

Complex PTSD is real and has lasting effects.

because they copy their mind structures into your brain (Sam Vaknin)

[@Fireok73]

So that's what the fuck is happening with me - her insecurities became my insecurities. Week here after a breakup going wild on studiyng what the hell was going on

[@Luminous.Dynamics]

Luckily, we cannot get BPD from experiences with Borderlines.

[@RyanChand-c5b]

I was in a relationship with someone who had bpd for a year and a half. The best advice i can give you is leave them. They have to help themselves on their own or they'll never change. If they aren't healthy when you meet them the relationship you develop will be emotionally/psychologically abusive and mimic a lot of what relationship addiction looks like. To the men who attract these women, you grew up in a dysfunctional home that had some form of trauma where your boundaries were constantly crossed and your self esteem as well as confidence were both belittled. You have your own wounds to heal but yours are no where near as extreme as bpd and your chances of finding a healthy relationship elsewhere are much higher after you do the work.

[@Duelweb]

This video saved my life! I tried everything and failed miserably. I now have zero sympathy for anyone that refuses therapy.

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

I met a woman at a singles bar called "Live Bait" in Long Beach California 32 years ago. We danced, and there was magic. Black magic, because I'm still dealing her voodoo. She's not evil, but there's a mighty struggle inside her between good and evil, and it spills over onto any man who tries to love her. Many do, because she's beautiful and outgoing. Beware. I've known she was disordered / borderline for a decade now. Everything Lise describes is true. These women are human wrecking balls. Still - I love her. But have learned to keep my distance both physically and emotionally. I'm still in contact with her - but why? Mainly so I can study her. It helps me understand her and myself better. I'm autistic, so making freinds and having relationships with women is extra hard for me. I'm far from perfect myself. Hearing that BPD is thought to be a neurodevelopmental condition brought tears to my eyes. She suffers greatly and this causes others to suffer greatly as well. She never had a choice in the matter. Autism is nuerodevelopmental as well. We are misunderstood and hated too - for something we didn't choose and can't do anything about. Without diagnosis and support, autistic people suffer greatly too, and can unintentionally cause great suffering in those around us. Being enmeshed with a BDP woman for so many years has been challenging, as I'm sure being with me must have been challenging for my former partners. Sorry girls. I'm just....different. Probably why I'm drawn to broken women. They make more emotional sense to me than healthy, normal women. I'm never gonna have children because of this. The defective genetic and family system buck stops with me. What a world eh?

[@ianluck7798]

Man I hear you loud and clear!!! You sound exactly like me!! I’m on the spectrum. I’d bet money that you take on the emotions of every crying or sad person that you come across? You want to help everyone so that they aren’t upset. And here I am in a relationship with someone with ( I think) bpd, trying to fix them. She’s beautiful to the point that every time we walk into a room together, all eyes are on her. People walk up to me and tell me how lucky I am, (presumably because I’m not that attractive?) to be with her. But I’m in love with her. She has put me through hell on a few occasions. We broke up at Christmas and I was convinced she was a narcissist because of how it happened. But we got back together recently, after both meeting other people and not finding anyone we wanted to be with for more than five minutes. I told her that she had given me the best nine months of my life and the worst three when we were apart. I just feel weak and pathetic to admit it but I really want to work through this, despite the absolute collapse of my self esteem!!

[@Blanedayillestinthegame]

I’m in this exact boat

[@Portia620]

What a beautiful way to look at it and agree we are all different and sad as no doubt they suffer greatly too. 🙏

[@Portia620]

@@ianluck7798big hugs I was married to the best s…e…x and so called love of my life and I got sick and he left. Spent years sorting thru lies, hidden money, multiple affairs, and so much more!!!! Be careful!!!! Also his projections of me cheating…when he was cheating! You get sick then your discarded fast!

[@BillyLintzenich-wf7sk]

@theWilliamHoganExperience i tried to have a relationship with an autistic girl in 2021 and then again from dec 2023 till about the middle of march 2024. That was a disaster just like trying to have an relationship with a narc/raging alkie from about dec 2022 till oct2023. They are both seriously broken but like you i guess that i'm attracted to those types.

[@ethanc-cs3yg]

You described a woman I dated a few years ago, beginning with the love bombing and eventually ending with things like accusing me of being with another woman after she heard her voice in the background. I WAS with another woman…it was the rental agent showing me an apartment one block from where she lived, so we could be close to each other as we tried to work out our “differences“. I rented the apartment and we never got back together. In fact a year later she accused me of stalking her because I walked along a road two blocks from her house for exercise in the evening and never walked past her house. However, she never apologized for anything she did. And, refused the idea of couples therapy because she was “perfectly happy with the way I am and I’m not changing for anyone.” So it was likely more a mix of BPD and anti-social behavior, from what you said at the end of your excellent video, no remorse whatsoever. I moved to another city shortly thereafter. “Thank God and Greyhound” I was gone!

[@Flores828]

Bro I’m going through the same shit but I have kids with mine. She always accused me of cheating but I found her messaging another dude. Then she wanted to go through my phone all the time and accuse me of doing shit I wasn’t doing. I felt anxious all the time she refused to take accountability for anything I went to therapy and that’s how I found out what a narcissist person was because maybe I thought I was the problem

[@ethanc-cs3yg]

@@Flores828 bro’ ain’t it funny (sad) that the one who is experiencing the problem always thinks they are the one causing it? You’re not, you’re just the only one who sees the problem between the two of you. In their world, arguing, accusations, drama are their “normal”. They are right, you don’t fit in that world. And, thank Buddha for that. lol

[@Flores828]

@@ethanc-cs3yg I know bro and anytime you call them out for their bullshit they act like victims no accountability

[@ethanc-cs3yg]

@@Flores828 Of course. No response when the truth is spoken convicts (them) the guilty. So victimhood is their fallback and they hope your empathy will be triggered again and back toward the sucking sound you go.

[@ethanc-cs3yg]

@@Flores828 The fact that you went says a lot about you and speaks volumes about her. I had to think about the kids issue. I was there in my last (and final) marriage 28 years ago now. Let me share from experience. Unless she is unfit to care for the kids, she will get them. She can be an addict and have a different man/woman over every night. None of that proves she can’t care for the kids. She can have a needle full of meth sticking out of her arm and as long as she doesn’t drop the baby or bottle, any court will call her “fit”. Hand to God! Separate her from the kids mentally and get a good court order for visitation. Take her back to court the second she violates it but otherwise talk to her about nothing other than when your next visit is. She can’t tell you what you need to do with the kids, how to dress them, what to feed them, etc. That’s one good thing about divorce. You don’t need her permission to have a girlfriend there when the kids are around or anything else. Finally, move on and forget what could have been. It was never going to be that with her. Take the lessons from your experience and leave the pain. We write our history each day. Don’t let the past define you. Take the best and leave the rest, Brother.

[@justinmichaelknox]

I am about 1 year out of a 6 year relationship with someone I’ve realized absolutely had this - when I read “stop walking on egg shells” I was absolutely shocked, I thought our situation was unique, but even the things I thought were marks against her having it turned out to be classic BPD things. We were engaged, and I’m certain I’m trauma bonded, she’s sabotage and blow us up (that’s even what I called it) and I’d drive over and hug her and sit for hours until she resolved to keep trying with me, then drive home, crash and absolutely soak my bed with night sweats. I know she cared about others, she was a therapist and loved kids, and I know she loved me too, but something always was off and she somehow had these two modes where one was running in tbt background and responded to me like I was a threat, like she needed to prevent me from steamrolling her all the time, or at other times like I was always overlooking and not thinking of her. Final break up was over a text, she thought I’d know she’d want to drive together to a date, I was 20 minutes from seeing her and she blew things up, I told her what she was saying of me wasn’t true and was hurtful and I (finally) said I’d do what I told her I needed to before and not run to her place to console because she was hurting me and my feelings mattered too and she called me angry that I’d defended myself instead do validating her feelings and then left for a week on a trip, came back still refusing to apologize, then did and left, saying she couldn’t stop being triggered because of our past (things I’d done). Can’t express how that felt, I told her hey, this is you being vulnerable, just say sorry and accept me forgiving you, I’m kinda begging you too and you won’t - but she couldn’t. And I wrote her letters telling her what I thought was going on, and she responded harshly and took it as me attacking her - I never called her crazy, ever, and I never said she wasn’t good enough, I think she carried around this shame stuff that it sounds like BPD have (I do too, was abused as a child and carry this weird guilt for no reason) and my friend first pointed out it didn’t seem like she was going to LET me love her becusss she couldn’t believe it and didn’t love herself, so it was easier and safer to just tell me I didn’t love her, that all of her issues with her were my issues with her. Anyway, I genuinely wanted to spend my life like just being her guy, and it’s weird how long it’s affected me, I still think of her constantly and see her mannerisms and flickers of her face everywhere, but genuinely hopeful I’ll fall in love again with someone who sees me simply and stably as someone who loves them and deserves good things too

[@monk4ever]

Simp.

[@pistoreroloco]

Dude I fell you, and as of December of this year, she filed for divorce and still haven’t taken accountability for her actions. Same thing you when threw, but I was married to her for 7 years. Still love her but I know I can’t fix her .

[@justinmichaelknox]

@@pistoreroloco I'm sorry to hear that - I keep reminding myself it's a weird mix of pain that that was a part of your life for so long and realizing someone could be like that to you, and joy that your experience will improve so much without them. There's this weird mix of residual sadness and depression that stays with me, but I'm hoping it'll shift as I see the world without her isn't so bleak and dark. Support to you from here, gotta encourage eachother as people going through similar experiences - most people aren't like that, you don't deserve it, know it's ok to feel ok and just practice and be patient man. (All words that are easy to share to others but hard to use for yourself of course).

[@pistoreroloco]

@@justinmichaelknox same feelings, still miss her from time to time. But I molded the depression Into weight lost(45 lbs) and going to the gym has helped allot. When the days get hard, i just remember that there stuff I can’t control. Now it’s manageable but for the first 2 months it was hard. She came back down and had and adult conversation , yet after that she lost it and blame me for all of it again. Just learn that there nothing else to do .

[@justinmichaelknox]

@@pistoreroloco yes, similar story here. I’ve been doing lots of work with mindfulness and Stoicism, if you’re interested, strongly recommend. Thought of Stoicism when you talked about thjngs you can’t control!

[@erin6083]

Thank you for humanizing us. I didn’t get real help until my 40’s and most of my healing is spiritual rather than psychological as well as ongoing, but knowing the facts and patterns and cycles has helped me tremendously. Many of us do have insight and are incredibly moral, loving and selfless people who truly need tools and help but there IS hope! God bless you all, especially the sufferers and those who support and love us! I am fortunate to have a tremendously strong “favorite person” as well as adult children who understand and support me through these tendencies, I am a great parent and partner. It doesn’t have to ruin your life. Strive for insight and spiritual healing. Love to you all!

[@erin6083]

I also will add that this particular practitioner explains what it is like and rooted in better than anyone else I’ve seen. Thank you to her for helping us.

[@TrendyT.]

Thank you!

[@outoftheb0x]

Every point, every trigger and every episode described in this video is bang on. I'm going through a breakup with my girlfriend, who was diagnosed with BPD six months ago. She started hating her therapists and the treatment after a few sessions and now refuses to continue her treatment or to take her prescribed medication. Last few months have been sheer BPD hell for me. Outside of her BPD she is an amazing person but she didn't leave me with a choice here.

[@1mattbutch]

You have to cut her off bud. Scorched earth. It's best for both of you.

[@outoftheb0x]

@@1mattbutch The breakup is very painful for me but you are absolutely right.

[@edwinrubio8537]

Can I reached to you guys via email or something?

[@gc4644]

I've heard many mental health counselors will actually refuse to accept a new patient that has BPD, because "most" of them always refuse to accept the diagnosis nor do the work to help themselves.

[@stargate1990]

i just want to say thank you, i only found this channel a few days ago and i got through my closing the door and ending the abuse with my ex by myself with the help with my 18years bestie a little while ago so these videos have been confirmation more than active help so i wish i found this channel sooner! on behalf of men who go through abusive relationships like this and society shuns us i want to say thank you

[@heikojakob6491]

Had such a relationship aka. rollercoaster ride twice. My advice: RUN

[@yuckykent1355]

thank you

[@stevebennett2396]

Run. Watching this video to the end is waisting valuable time that you could be spending running.

[@snoozyq9576]

Haha hey some people with bpd do a good job working on themselves and get better at relationships

[@TheJosemr39]

Says the person with BPD .....

[@joeanonymous1834]

@@snoozyq9576 Yeah, sure they do. And my dog makes me breakfast every morning. You obviously have no idea what you're talking about. Did you just learn about BPD in some abnormal psych course, three weeks ago?

[@mramces3716]

​@@joeanonymous1834yeah it's hell to be in a relationship with a bpd , i ran off 2 months ago and now im going therapy just to fix and heal my PTSD now , these vids are just informative and help us know what we have been through , so yeah im gonna watch till the very end

[@disdroid]

I found many ways to relieve my partners anxiety but what helped most was that i helped her build neural bridges which increased her ability to evaluate. She had all sorts of neurological disfunction, and i realised that this was why therapy had failed. But my home treatment cleared her mind to the extent that she decided to try therapy again, without actually telling me. She made a full recovery - the therapist helped her shift her attachment style and she became a calm, stable, and loving person! This was the happiest day of my life.

[@Banana42699]

Can you please give a example of how you helped her heal?

[@disdroid]

@@Banana42699 I helped her memory simply by repeating the same answer up to a thousand times without feeling bored. I strengthened her character with continual reinforcement by highlighting her strong points with practical examples. Even if I was cross I still gave her a ground level of acknowledgement and validation. I would never respond in kind when she was being disrespectful. She needed me to respond instantly if she was experiencing neurological disturbance so it was simpler if she could just bark out commands and have them obeyed with no delay. I never called her out for misleading me but when she kept an agreement she got rewarded. She would never be rejected from the home - she was free to leave and return when she pleased and would always receive a warm welcome and a special treat that I had put by. I let her know that I could lay down the line if I wished, but only in certain circumstances. Building the bridges was like teaching her new tunes - I would create an atmosphere and reinforce it with a simple phrase which would be repeated frequently but not annoyingly. Then when she began to feel anxiety, I could use the phrase to calm her mind, and to maintain focus. She could then learn the technique and devise her own versions, which lead to a vast reduction of neurological symptoms - she stopped hallucinating, and for the first time, she could block out the introjects and defeat them, just by repeating a simple pattern chosen and memorized in advance by rote. Also, we had early childhood memories and growing up memories together so there was a bond of trust. She gave me life-changing physio that made her seem like an angel - the house being smashed must be a side effect of her radiance I expect. I wanted to show my gratitude and came up with the ideas for getting her brain working a bit better.

[@rooftopcat1785]

The battles that were and are waged behind closed doors lead to bent childhoods, and there's a lot of it about. The Gf I had of 20 + years was diagnosed bpd and mica , and she eventually ended it all. That's also an aspect of boderline personality. shes not in pain anymore.

[@eyechi9365]

You can give a BPD a dozen flowers, a box of chocolates, and a diamond ring, then go into the kitchen to make a sandwich, and while making the sandwich, you drop a slice of bread on the floor; suddenly, you become an idiot and will get the silent treatment for two weeks.

[@xiphos14]

Oh yes…excellent. The silent treatment…I remember well. This kind of relationship ended for me 10 years ago…you are bringing memories back.

[@gc4644]

Truth. Or how about even the slightest miniscule bit of criticism and she kicks off WW3! So happy I'm divorced from her now, but it took me literally years to refind myself after being married to a BPD for 20 years.

[@marcusambrester]

You don't even have to drop the piece of bread on the floor, she may go nuclear because she had a thought that you might drop a piece of bread on the floor making her a sandwich.

[@eyechi9365]

@@marcusambrester action speaks louder than thought.

[@marcusambrester]

@@eyechi9365 What does that mean?

[@foxlair3682]

My BPD girlfriend always called me “her person”. The 6 month relationship was insane. She drove me crazy. The one thing you must know when with a BPD girl is that they WILL cheat on you. They can’t be faithful. 😞

[@karrguerrero2019]

Not true at all, I have BPD I have never cheated, that's not related to bod a lot of people cheat and it's because they don't know how to be in a relationship and be loyal or talk about the way they see love,

[@AL-sg2jd]

@@karrguerrero2019you haven’t cheated yet or u may have justified monkey branching which is the same as cheating. If you haven’t yet it will come. It always does

[@valley_robot]

I have never contacted my ex in over 5 years , because she was a nightmare , she kicked the door on me when I was on the toilet and said “are you wanking in there” she punched me , she smashed my possessions up , she decided how I could dress and I had to ask permission for a hairstyle change , she was ok with staying out all night drinking and coming home fucked up , but if I had 2 beers at a works leaving she would go crazy , so glad I got out of that bullshit

[@newdawnrising8110]

I unknowingly married one of these. We met online and had a year and a half dating long distance and she hid this side very well the entire time. Within two weeks of moving across country to marry I saw her first spin out of control. It was shocking and scary. She refuses to acknowledge she has any problem despite her frantic rage over the slightest thing. She will rage for about 3 days usually before she can calm down. In fact with every argument since we married almost 5 years ago she has threatened me with divorce since we first got married. She almost ruined our honeymoon bc she thought I tipped a jeep tour guide $20 for a 4 hour tour… I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. I never knew anyone could be so angry, toxic and out of control. She misperceives what I say all the time and is convinced my mother and I are plotting against her. On occasion she will admit to “overreacting”. In fact she will go into the most insane full on rage over mishearing a comment or not washing the kitchen floor or bathroom according to her dictates. She gets obsessed with one petty issue then another and nothing can convince her that it’s really her imagination, misperception or just paranoia and fears. There is just no reasoning with her. Even later when she calms down I’ve seen that there is no logical communication possible on the subject she is obsessing on and no acknowledgement of the horrible and abusive behaviors. She just uses denial, blame-shifting and victimhood to refuse to realize what she is doing. I’ve finally just realized after countless vain attempts to save our marriage that she has no intention of facing these behaviors or getting help. I see now that I have to stop thinking I can help her. She doesn’t want help. She rather desperately wants to be right about all these delusions and justified in all the terrible behaviors. I’ve just got nothing to work with and it’s clearly time for me to go and not look back. Take it from me, test your partner a number of times and make sure they are nothing like this one. May God help her heal but please help me get the hell out and away. If you even suspect this may be the case with your partner then run, don’t just walk away.

[@1mattbutch]

Yes sir. Cut her off scorched earth. Zero contact.

[@vuyomzilikazi4229]

That sounds horrific. Sorry you had to go through such an ordeal. I can feel your pain. No one should ever go through that.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Wow I hope you get free and can recover. Sounds like my ex, constantly questioning things I said for alternative meanings. Irritable angry aggressive. And never wrong or prepared to ever apologise. Everything was my fault, she was in her 40s and told me at the start, she'd never change for any man. I only wish I knew what she meant at the time. Very attractive but impossible to get along with. Good luck to you.

[@Duelweb]

As I read your post, I related 1000% As much as you want to help, you can't. The earlier we smell the coffee, the quicker we can save our sanity. Life is short, we all deserve to be happy.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Well written, painfully accurate.

[@RyanFowlerSOS]

It's not worth the risk. BPD people are suffering and it's sad, but they can absolutely wreck you. Avoid avoid avoid.

[@JodiSamurai]

The feelings and the altered state of reality that comes from being used in this capacity is reason enough to be alone.

[@thaliakalli4207]

As a diagnosed borderline I can say this was pretty accurate. But I do have to add that after years of treatment it’s totally possible to get better and more functioning. I’ve been going to therapy for over 8 years now and I’m beyond proud of the progress I’ve made. I used to be really high on the spectrum (my diagnosis is BPD with bipolar symptoms) but now I can hide it pretty well. If you suspect you or someone you know might have it, PLEASE reach out for help. It can change your life

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for sharing your experience and positive outcomes!

[@TheOreo2008]

What therapies and treatments have you done? My girlfriend has BPD and is spinning out more than usual. She has started therapy the last couple of months but she would like to try CBT.

[@thaliakalli4207]

@@TheOreo2008 I’ve done both CBT and DBT and have tried multiple medications varying from antidepressants (which didn’t work on me, only had side effects), to anti-epileptic (anticonvulsant) meds which regulate mood (actually put me in an episode) then to finally antipsychotics which were the right fit for me. It’s a lot of trial and error and it’s NOT going to be easy _nor_ a short process but at the end of the day it’s so worth it!!

[@javiercmh]

I really hope more people with BPD get better like you did 😢 I still miss my ex but we can't have contact for our own good

[@chicagogyrl4846]

I believe anti-depressants help with some areas of this. It’s worth giving them a try!

[@merijnvanschaik4989]

In hindsight.. In 1999 I had a girlfriend and I seemed to do everything wrong, walking on egg-shells, insane jealousy, fear of my stuff being smashed. At some point I was thinking of talking to her parents ( "in private") what I could do or what was the matter with her. However, I decided to step out of the relationship. After the relationship I found out that she, quite probably, had BPD. And, yes, she tried to keep me away from friends, family, my own interests (making music). At some point.. She had a dog. She called me at 5 in the morning. She said "You don't like my dog (Which was absolutely NOT true). So, I plan to euthanize my dog for your ease of mind". That day I ended the relationship. Because THIS would get weaponized till eternity. Plus, I had no desire WHATSOEVER to do anything else to that dog than a walk in the forest. Poor animal. It was a blonde beagle, sweet little bugger it was. Although I can see those people need (and deserve?) love an caring too... you can't have your life revolving around them. Relationship lasted nine month. The fact I had (undiagnoses) ADHD (unattentive) did not help in any way.

[@DireWolf28]

My advice as someone who dated a BPD girlfriend who was actively going through treatment during our relationship...don't. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Nothing is worth the abuse. My ex was in therapy weekly for her BPD and had started long before I had met her, and she was still a nightmare to be with. It took me nearly 5 months from the date I decided to break up with her until she would accept that our relationship was over. The threats of violence, the threats of ruining my life with accusations to my employer/family/police were constant. She would fly off into fits threatening to end herself, or smashing anything I owned that I had expressed that I was proud of. Never again.

[@hp51877]

How long into dating did the abusive behavior come out?

[@DireWolf28]

@@hp51877 it took about 3 months. The first 3 months were great, I was convinced our compatibility was 100%. I didn't know any better... After about 3 months things slowly starting shifting and by 6 months I was living in perpetual hell.

[@Duelweb]

I hear you 100%. You can't cure this insanity. Zero joy comes from a borderline.

[@Ladaniyani]

Sheesh pretty harsh… look onto God how about that God fixes all

[@dnaphysics]

Wow! How did you do that, Lise, describing so exactly my relationship with someone who suffers from BPD?! Wow. I once came to love and care for a woman with BDP, who was in so many other ways a beautiful soul. My dedication and desire to love and care for her was immense. Poured part of my life into helping her, especially given her difficult childhood. The relationship was always somewhat turbulent, but then one day, for no reason I could comprehend, she started viewing me as evil incarnate. What she then did destroyed part of my life. My emotional scars now are as deep as my dedication once was. Never knew anyone could have emotions that work that way, exactly as you describe. I now know it as a fact, but still find it incomprehensible. I thought I was emotionally tough and rock solid, successful and happy. But I now know I am not strong enough for things like that. Hearing your description of BPD helps my healing.

[@michaelgpartridge2384]

Good for you, brother. I was happy to read this, thank you for sharing. There are many, many of us with the same story. You are far from alone.👊

[@benhalicki9749]

Switching emotional states in a matter of seconds is dead accurate

[@tjbohmier46]

Just amazing info. You really did shed some much needed light and clarity for me. You described my last LTR perfectly! Her mother was bi polar with dementia, and both of her sisters were bi polar. Ultimately, I had to move on. She refused to seek professional help for her health and actions.

[@danielleeaby-lomas2491]

This was such a helpful and realistic representation of what it is like to experience BPD and what being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can look like. It's really difficult but with the right support structure and treatment (therapy, DBT and/or meds) it is possible to develop relationships that are less destructive.

[@charlestilley2576]

Been down this road for nearly 40 years, 35+ of it married. Have had to leave at times for longer & longer periods. At first, rest of day, now a month & it took her sister talking to me to sucker me back home because of my own health issues. Many of which was caused by working so long to give her all she needed to feel secure & loved. Today, am just over 60 years old & am at the end of my rope with this, as I too came from an abusive childhood (as did she). Only I got out of it, until I met her, that is.😟

[@athanasiusdicia117]

Maybe you should think, that getting out for good, would ease your health issues as well. You should live your life in peace, not fighting a constant battle leading your inner self a resemblance of a wasteland.

[@joeanonymous1834]

Twenty years ago, I was chewed up and spit out by a high school classmate that I re-met at a reunion. She was an absolutely textbook, hardcore borderline that claimed to have vastly self-improved. Foolishly, I gave her a chance. Literally every single behavioral hallmark of BPD, that I read about in the numerous books on the subject that I devoured in the outfall of this thing, obtained. Long story short, this was an absolutely hideous and nightmarish experience that consumed a year of my life. This video is probably the best explanation of BPD of its length that I have ever seen. However, what a narrative video like this one cannot effectively convey is the psychological and often material damage that a female borderline will do to a man in a romantic relationship. No matter how sympathetic or charismatic they are, how many of your heartstrings they so effectively pull, or what kind of sexual chemistry there is: DO NOT GO NEAR ONE OF THESE WOMEN.

[@TheRahsoft]

Simplest answer is not to date someone with BPD. they need to get professional help to manage it, assuming they can because apparently many psychologists will not take on such a patient( lack of commitment, progress, etc). Remember that their behaviour is tantamount to domestic abuse...

[@xmattiexbx]

“Many psychologists would not take on such a patient” is kind of a statement i disagree with. I have BPD and my psychologist is great and a lot of his clients are those with BPD, also there are psychologists who specialize in personality disorders. Just saying that’s kind of a broad sentence to say that psychologists “won’t take it on” like , that is part of what they do is take on people that are severely struggling so not sure what you mean by saying that. No offense

[@xmattiexbx]

I kind of see your point if the patient is not making an effort to do the work, but that is not the case with every individual with BPD. A lot of us are here, doing the work, and reflecting on our behavior, relationships and relationship with ourselves.

[@TheRahsoft]

@@xmattiexbx respectfully its not a broad sentence. It s the sentence that the psychologists are putting out. frankly I was suprised to hear that, but not shocked by it since one of the traits is supposed to be denial of behavior( especially when it comes to DA)

[@karrguerrero2019]

​@@TheRahsoftthat trait applies to a lot of people and disorders, not only BPD and I've heard specialist who says the opposite that we have really good chances to improve, there's other disorders like bipolarity, schizophrenia that are really hard to manage, and it's hard to find a good therapist for everyone, the same that applies to find a good doctor. And also as a patient you need commitment in the treatment.

[@TheRahsoft]

@@karrguerrero2019 diasgree ,the psychologists have stated thats its the BPD they wont work with( no other condition). the other conditions you mentioned have need of medication which is why its harder to work with...

[@AboveItAllDroneShots]

There is something you can do. Two things. Self awareness is crucial. This allows you to know when you need to self regulate. Then, you need to confront the toxic behavior for what it is and let them know how they are treating you is unacceptable and your boundary will take you away from their presence or they need to act in a healthy way (which you will need to describe what the healthy behavior is)to keep you there. You must stick to your boundary. Ultimately, they need to do the work on their childhood abuses that all of the coping mechanisms and toxic behaviors come from. They have been so hurt in their past, they lost their self control or had it taken away by the abuser, possibly from an adult in their lives when they were a child. This makes them feel like they have no control. Then they try to control another. When they gain control over another, they feel as close as they can as they are in control of themselves. This is what needs to heal. They need to gain their self control back, not continue to try and control others. The victim isn't completely innocent in this dance. The victim willingly gives over their control due to fear or intimidation. The victim needs to gain and keep their own control. Healing is needed for both subjects.

[@holdenaster]

Thank you for your videos!!! Just had my first experience in bpd and covert narcissist relationship and I was wondering what in the world was going on - wow...

[@BobAnthony-mr6yd]

Only for one reason I will avoid NPD & BPD at all cost . Because they will isolate u at all cost . NPD isolates the target to destroy it. BPD isolates the favourite person only to feel herself safe . These two r I really find very funny . I bring up their topics only for amusement & learning purpose with my long time NPD companion and my BPD relative. Even they can't stop laughing . But not new NPD & BPD . If u know the mindsets of NPD , BPD , psychopath , dark empath , sociopath , empaths , machiavellianism etc u will become a self-taught psychologist . Your channel, I find it very helpful, thanks Lise ..

[@bigjj7017]

A person with BPD should get and deserves the help they need. With that being said DO NOT date people with BPD. STAY.AWAY. Those people are not able to control their outbursts and can destroy you. They are not emotionally stable and are not able to help it. Stay. Away. Unless you are responsible of their BPD you HAVE to stay way. Protect yourself.

[@1mattbutch]

Exactly but most have learned they need to be a chameleon. You don't know until it's too late. If she seems too good to be true... she is.

[@MarlonBrando414]

@@1mattbutch too good to be true is exact, the bpd girl I was with felt like a soul mate as crazy as that sounds, was everything I was looking for in someone, I guess I'm grateful it didn't last too long, but I won't be forgetting her any time soon.

[@fightswithspirits915]

She came across like a covert but seemed to have a childlike mentality.

[@happycamper1111]

Yep. And when she was sweet, she was the sweetest. Same stuff.

[@fightswithspirits915]

@@happycamper1111 She was never that sweet. Was just comfortable to be around. She must have known that was what I wanted. Just be to comfortable. It means everything to me. If anything, I love bombed her.

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@CYellowan]

​@@fightswithspirits915 That's an ironic way of things going about. Pretty important to stay in reality; calling might seem a better way to deal with these people because the connection is better.

[@quanahdaniels9134]

Same experience

[@memessans6161]

I am a dating a BPD-girl for a year now (probably "was dating"). She told me at the very beginning she was diagnosed with borderline and has a lot of psychological problems, and tbh I didn't really pay attention to this fully, due to my poor knowledge of psychological disorders and also an image that she's stable and has it under control... This illusion came to an end when she suddenly decided to break up a year-long stable relationship because she "revalued her values, doesn't know who she really is, needs to be alone because she never was" and etc. I understand now this is probably a borderline episode she's going through, but doesn't make it easier for me to accept this, and also gives a hope that this episode will end sometime soon...

[@layy4660]

even with the treatment she still had hard symptoms?

[@memessans6161]

@@layy4660 nah, she didn't have any treatment, she started going to a therapist not long before it happened

[@kaarlows]

@@memessans6161 Mine ended with almost the same exact words as yours. And even worse, she snapped into it during lunch together. It was like during 30 min something possessed her and completely changed the person. I was totally devastated by it, because it all seemed (and is) so illogical, abrupt, untruthful. But the fact it is, if you read the several other comments here, it's much better to let her go. It will be better for you, no matter how hard and sad it is now. Because nothing will be as hurtful and soul-destroying than to stick with such woman.

[@Luminous.Dynamics]

Do yourself a huge favor and sesrch up "AJ Mahari BPD" on here. You will be so glad that you did, that lady changed my life when it comes to knowledge about Borderlines and about understanding how to never look back towards those relationships in that way.

[@matamba6774]

It's been a month since I dumped her. She put me in danger where I could literally lose my life, she was extremely impulsive, reckless and lacked empathy. She was also violent towards her child, she abused him psychologically as well. I feel so bad for the boy who has to have such an unstable mother. I'm glad I'm alive and she's not in my life anymore.

[@feelthepeace]

That was excellent! I figured out and realized the symptomology was BPD, as he had PTSD, diagnosed (a war veteran), and it can look like BPD --- from the wild and obsessive fear of abandonment. I was too far into it, and financially reliant upon him. Oh I was in a pickle. I ended up homeless for a few months, had to loan a couple thousand dollars, grateful I was able to, and finally got on my feet again. I've been on my own almost a year now, been almost eight months since having any communication. To this day I love him. But I don't like him much. I don't like him because I didn't like being blamed and complained about, and punished, let alone relentlessly. Yes, I understand the personality disorder, it's very sad and heartbreaking. I wish him no ill will. I hope he can and does get the right treatment. But that's not my business. I am my business. Taking care of me is my business.

[@waynehendrix4806]

The lesson I learned is that you're likely not crazy, and they likely are. Distance is a great cure.

[@georgesparks7833]

Straight to the point. Nicely presented as always. Great job!

[@robertgraves3215]

Great talk. My ex wife was a BPD princess. Vicious attacks out of nowhere. Cheater, alcoholic, gold digger. Of course it was all my fault . Thank God I was careful not to get her pregnant. She hated me for that the most. Luckily I got out with a financil dent, but otherwise unscathed.

[@Tindel10]

Thank Jesus

[@Apollyon-sz9sn]

Mine got me arrested 40 times in two years for domestic violence, abusing the domestic violence law, lost my temper with police after dozens of arrests, got tazered sent to prison lost my flat.

[@Luminous.Dynamics]

She had beautiful princess disorder (bpd) (joking)

[@RandallGlatt]

it's Nark

[@paulstaf]

OMG, I feel like I have just dialed the psychic hotline.... THIS was my life for 5 years with my ex. THANK YOU for helping me regain my sanity!😌

[@jessj6727]

Sendings hugs to all of you who suffered being in a relationship with someone with BPD. I think one of the foundational skills someone with BPD can have is self awareness. It starts here. They might be irrational but if they can recognize they are having an episode at the moment it’s a good promise for progress if they pursue treatment. My husband and I dated 2 years before we got married. He had gotten out of a relationship with someone with BPD. Curious enough… I also have it lol😅. The difference between her and I was that I spent years working on myself, relearning things, perceptions, irrationality, self awareness which helped a lot in becoming I am the person I am today. Do I still struggle with certain things? Yes I do. Some of them are not even BPD related. So does he, he has diagnosed ADHD. We both accept each other and to be honest, this is the healthiest relationship we have ever had as we understand our short comings but we are constantly improving ourselves and it only gets better. So, don’t simply write someone with BPD off as undateable. They are people too and if they are willing to become a better person and are striving to be a better person, talk the talk and walk the walk, you should give them a chance. I am sure you are also not perfect either. Remember, we are not BPD, we are people that suffer with BPD.

[@jaisonstanley]

BPD s should give others a chance rather than running away. BPD , ADHD , NPD now all have combined traces

[@TrendyT.]

Absolutely!!

[@mfrance3834]

Many years ago I was married to a man who had all the BPD traits. At that time I didn’t know what it was, just that he absolutely wore me out with his never ending exhausting and unloving behavior. Being an empath I was perfect for him. Finally I ended it with the knowledge I had done everything I could do and had no regrets. He acted shocked and devastated, apparently thought I would just stay forever. Wrong. It was truly like I had been under a spell and finally snapped out of it, never looking back. Saved myself. Thank God. Met a great guy and have had a long and happy marriage.

[@ripley7t429]

One word, RUN. That is all you need to know. Same with a narcissist.

[@snoozyq9576]

Nah DBT is effective for many people. If they're working on themselves they can have good relationships

[@gariadvogadoadv2766]

@@snoozyq9576 just after years of DBT.

[@CakewalkHootenanny]

I practiced medicine for 42 full time years. This is what you need to know about dating a BPD: you are a co dependent who likes strife, stress and painful drama.

[@kmsimi]

“It’s not actually about (…) that thing you said a couple of years ago” - this is so on point…

[@eottoe2001]

"I can tell you are looking at that girl," she said about a girl I was not looking at.

[@brianreed8271]

I was so messed up. It scared me to death if a woman would talk to me in front of her. It does not matter the age of the woman or what she looked like nothing. I just was not allowed to talk to any female

[@joekrepps]

I wish I would’ve found you 63 years ago. I was raised in a family with a father who, very likely, had BPD but was never diagnosed as such. I can tell you horror stories of my childhood and what my mom went through. Adding insult to injury, in 2010 I married a woman with BPD plus bipolar (though taking medication), clinical depression and likely PTSD from some horrible experiences as a child and young adult. I’m now 63 and I’ve never had a day in my life where I haven’t had a very significant person in my life with BPD. I won’t go into the dark thoughts I’ve had all my life but I can summarize my life in 3 little words: NEVER good enough. I’m very excited to watch your videos! I NEED an effective coping strategy for my own self worth. Everything you’ve said is dead on target! She had a hemorrhagic stroke 10 years ago, still 90% paralyzed on her left side, putting a turbocharger on the deathly fear of abandonment. Thank you so much for your videos! Her daytime caregiver, who came onboard without any real training for psychological issues, will definitely appreciate this! Some might wonder why I married someone like my dad? Two reasons: 1) it’s “normal” for me-I didn’t know BPD behavior wasn’t normal and 2) though I have insatiable curiosity, the Good Lord kept me from looking up BPD, which she told me she had while we were dating. I have to trust that He put me in this position for His purpose. (I’ve been in a caregiver like position before, several times in my life.)

[@mymusicmymusic6154]

I was with a narcissist with BPD For 35 years. After it finally ended cause I couldn’t take it anymore. Never get into those relationships !

[@benallen2942]

12 years with a BPD spouse, it was textbook. I always knew something was off, but didn't know what it was until it's too late. Tried everything to make it work. She is right when she says, there's nothing you can do to improve it. You either give everything you have to survive, or you get out. I recommend getting out.

[@MarlonBrando414]

Just got out of a relationship with someone who had BPD, she aggressively pursued me and wanted to move quickly, her being a pretty girl I gave in and quickly fell for her, at first everything was great, then suddenly her behavior shifted, she started being dodgy with me, would go days with no communication and would act like nothing happened when we would speak or meet again. I suspected there were other guys potentially involved but kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. I kept sensing her drift further and further from me but she kept insisting we were fine and she just wanted to slow down. Finally she admitted that in her own words "I wasn't the only player in the game", I felt gutted. Even though we were only together a short while it felt a lot longer, we told each other almost everything about ourselves, had almost everything in common as well, music, movies, etc... She intensely declared things to me early on almost as if she desperately wanted me to believe what she was saying. I won't lie I really miss her, but as I said to her in return "I'm not going to be just another player in the game".

[@yuckykent1355]

feel for you

[@VIDS2013]

They only pretend to have the same interests you do. They have no core identity, so they have to mimic humans.

[@MikeHeskett]

My God. I'm talking g to a girl who I think had bpd and this is how things are to a t

[@MarlonBrando414]

@@MikeHeskett Yeah, they really fuck with your head, I've moved on and with someone new now, I can't stay angry forever, after all she is not well in the head. One of the biggest things that ticked me off back then was when I called her out on her behavior the first time and asked if she wanted to end things with me, she hesitated and said no we were fine and just wanted to slow down, instead of it ending there things dragged out for another 2 months, I wish she had just taken the out when I offered it to her.

[@MikeHeskett]

@@MarlonBrando414 So my situation was I was talking to a girl who I met online she lives a while away. Love bombed at the start and then became distant. Whenever I would bring up about meeting up she would seem disinterested. And became defensive when I asked about if other guys where involved. I just blocked her on everything after removing her social media to 10 missed calls saying I need you, why have you left me. I love you. She's now text me off a different number telling me to come down this weekend to see her. It's funny how as soon as I block her she finally does something she couldn't do during the 2 months we were talking lol