How To Win Child Custody

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I mentioned a summary of five factors in the video that determine the outcome of divorce for children. Here you go: drpauljenkins.com/five-factors/ DrPaul

[@willieg1757]

I have a question. The mother of my child passed away and I have to get custody from her grandmother..me and the mom wasn't married and I'm knowned to be in my child's life... How can I prepare myself for court.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Willie, you're on the right track by watching these videos. Make sure you keep the best interest of your child in mind, and do what you can to minimize the conflict. Get some coaching and professional legal advice too. There's a few other videos on this channel you might want to check out related to custody issues. DrPaul

[@shakilatasweer3323]

My ex-husband beated up my son. I applied for custody. Children don't want to go back and im the mother and they want to stay with me. Will judge listen to my children???

[@Darkatlas_23]

I have a quick question, what should I do with a criminal case and restraining order is filed before a divorce

[@fox12ful]

I have a question, and thanks for the video it was very insightful.Since my son was born i've had him every other weekend and a few hours tues and Thursdays, he's 10 years old now and the past 6 years ive had a stable job and have a lifestyle that can include my son about half the time 50/50. Its something i've been thinking about a lot lately and believe that both of us having him half the time is what's best for our son and me as a father. When I've asked the other party about it over the years, IM always told it's not what's best for the child and it doesn't work for their schedule or their family,( She's remarried) Me as a father would love the opportunity to be there for my son during mornings he's gotta go to school or immediately after to talk about his day, or in the past while, my son has had behavioral problems at his mothers home, things i haven't yet witnessed because, im not around enough or considered a disciplinary figure to my son maybe. sorry for the long paragraph, my question is , what does the judge expect from the father, when he believes 50/50 is right for the child? i believe in my case having him spend half the time with me on a regular basis might help his behavioral problems or at least i can witness them, and help him more in the moment.

[@Kracken11111]

Every time I try to use love, my ex partner sees it as a weakness & attack me. For my kids sake, I’m trying really hard to not take the bait & it’s like swallowing bricks... This is a rough ride...

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

It is tough when we aren't on the same page, Sam Lawrence. Parenting can be rough at times, but focus on the wonderful times. Thanks for watching.

[@NoName-rl3fh]

This.

[@karimadigital8875]

I feel you Cara

[@juansariles]

I understand I'm going through it right now with my ex

[@chrisfree8309]

I'm in a situation where I love my wife and have absolutely no animosity towards her, but she wants to utterly destroy me. I wish she would just be civil and we could go through our divorce in a peaceful manner.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Chris Free, sounds like she is hurting and acting out. I wish you the best.

[@befree9579]

When a women want's war and not peace prepare urself Chris. Spend time on google / utube and get best lawyer.

[@KB-yq6hq]

My ex bf is doing that to me I wish he’d just be civil it’s only hurting the children!! 😓

[@buttermonkey33]

Cov narcs will say this sometimes. Not you but they do because they put it on the mother via gas lighting and chaos and psychological abuse. A cov narc abuses the mom and she needs to protect her baby at all costs because if thinks ok to abuse the mom and got arrested, what will he do to the baby in the future?

[@RushLoftis]

Just earlier this week the divorce and child custody case I was involved in finally ended. I followed the information from your videos to a T I believe and boy are you ever right. I got exactly what I was trying to get it which is 50-50 custody and everything works out great. My ex-wife just tried to vilify me the whole time and say I was a horrible dad and all sorts of things. But I just kept my chin up and followed all the advice from your videos about not being that guy who just villainizes the other parent and you are right. Your information works! I’m so glad I found your videos thank you so much for doing them! My daughter and I get so much time together now I’m so happy. Thank you so much!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Rush Loftis, thank you for letting me know. Happy for you and your daughter and the experiences waiting to happen together.

[@jessemedina4482]

I'm genuinely really happy for you.. and your story gives me some hope as I prepare for this upcoming court battle in a couple weeks. Thanks for sharing it.

[@fionam3735]

Narcissists love conflict. He couldn’t care less how it effects our daughter it gives him the perfect supply. Yes he talks a great game but his actions tell a different story.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Unfortunately, we don't all have the best motives, GraceKelly. You have learned this firsthand. Thank you for being there for your child, no matter what and even if.

[@pamelapap]

Record everything. Keep communication thru text to display to the judge his narc tendencies. Get your children into therapy. Always keep your cool with the narc. Go into therapy yourself. When dealing with the narc in front of a judge have your lawyer ask “do you think/feel it’s important that both parents are important to a child’s life? Narc will build himself up. Then have the lawyer say “isn’t it true that you don’t let Grace talk to your daughter the night you have her?” See you give them something to build them up then give the judge the truth. Always stick to evidence to show the abuse.

[@lynn4460]

Non custodial mother's day is October 28th!

[@RupyAvaani]

Grace Kelly omg this is what is happing to me right now 😔😔😔😔😔💯

[@lukemiles1711]

Same goes for me the other way around. And I'm a man, so am bound to lose to this narcissist in court.

[@Shadow-fz4ev]

What if your ex is a lying narcissist and so nobody believes what you have to say now because of them...?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

The life you live will show their comments are not accurate, LifeAsShadow, but it may take some time. Don't let their behavior define how you live.

[@Amaris_flowers]

This is EXACTLY what I am going through right now! He has been manipulating my closest family members to try to convince the SW of all the bullshit he feeds everyone. I am so frustrated, disappointed and drained.

[@djdigitaldivergence6937]

I am going through this as well with custody. The judge figured it out after 2 1/2 years of everything being my fault etc. Our Judge told my ex that she hAs figured Her out. I had the court interview my oldest daughter. I figured if no one wanted to. Listen to what I had to say maybe they would listen to what really happened from my 10 year old. The judge did and it was a game changer on my behalf.

[@kristinamartin7056]

How much time has to pass inorder for the court to see the truth?

[@Synthalog]

This is a big business under the "In The Best Interest of the Children" tagline.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Synthalog, I don't think it was intended to be that way, but I can see how it has evolved.

[@hiaslayer]

“The state must declare the children to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of Liberty and almost any deprivation” - Adolf Hitler It was exactly intended like that….

[@happyonetoo9850]

I think what he is trying to say is,...to show love towards the other parent,...(don't have to feel it) ...for example,...in court or in front of lawyers ,say things like I use to love her/him, care for her/him,...I trusted her/him,...though they themselves taught me to do otherwise... They are a good parent,...though I am concerned with ...their lies or games or whatever they do. I am concerned with some of the things our child says that (the other parent has said) I am concerned with how the other parent seems to break signed agreements at will, as it doesn't gave the child a solid base. Show love first,..then....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Yes, Happyone too. Show love and state your feelings.

[@lisakaplan9433]

I am so happy I pursued seeking full custody. It was one of the scariest moments I thought I would never get through but I kept pushing and thankfully my guardian angel helped and the court saw. It took me so many years of dealing with a self centered "father" feeling entitled that because he was blood and on the birth certificate that he can be a whenever father. I always tried to encourage a relationship and avoid the court but unfortunately it could not be done. Mama bear had enough💪 I love my girl and would do it all over again. Good luck to all the Moms, Dads and anyone going through this and that truely deserve to protect their rights for their cub(s).

[@vanessarosas728]

Can you pls tell me the process you had to go through

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Lisa Kaplan, thank you for supporting all parents who love their children. And thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.

[@lisakaplan9433]

@@vanessarosas728 I petitioned full custody with vistation through the court on my own. Unless they're crazy & you don't feel comfortable unsupervised, having vistation is important. They don't want to alienate the parent. He got served by a sheriff😀 we had a court date set up. I went in with no lawyer but I did my homework prior. I would definitely seek a legal advice and you can do so for free as a consultation. The first meeting is with a mediator they make no decisons. My Daughter at the time was 7 so she had to speak with a lawyer because they feel at this age she is old enough to have her voice and see where she wants to be. Then the second visit we talk about how she feels etc. So he was late and then fought with our Daughter's lawyer. She agreed during our meeting for me to have full custody and he can still be involved but not when he feels like it! Thankfully it did not go to a trial. You definitely need a lawyer and or represent yourself but you better be strong and know your stuff. The courts sometimes do more damage without even knowing the full story. They see two ppl who can lay down but can't deal with one another so in their eyes too bad you deal with each other no matter what. I learned through my unhappy journey that I didn't have to tolerate this behavior especially for my child. I wish you all the best and or someone you know going through this. Sorry for the book.

[@anitramoore9514]

Lisa Kaplan shared custody is the thing in states and my attorny said it is rare to see full custody and my ex only wants the kids 4 days a month anyway on weekends of course because him nor his mistress want to help with schooling. We go to court and they may not have a choice. You can’t control how they treat the kdis and the courts don’t care sadly. All we have control over is how they feel in our homes

[@lisakaplan9433]

@@anitramoore9514 If your ex only wants once a week then you should have full custody. Your taking care of all of their needs 24/7 and they're the visitors which are often unreliable. I refuse to deal with co parenting if I'm the only one present and trying. It's sad for the kids and what they must feel as they get older does affect many aspects in there life. No matter what don't give up. I wish you and your kids all the best❤🙏😊

[@moriahjoi]

This is something so twisted in our courts! We're told to let go of the past, that the judge has heard it all so doesnt care, move on, and choose love. That's how these kids end up abused or dead. Me putting my kids best interest first includes protecting them! I have full custody with supervised visitation for dad because I didn't stop fighting for what my kids deserve.. and that's my love and safety!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Hansen Home, each case is individual, this is general advice. There are always exceptions.

[@garnetandgold07]

You are 💯% correct! Most courts treat children (even some as old as 17) as though they are mere property with absolutely no right to feel safe in the home. MANY parents have fought valiantly to protect their children from physical, emotional and sexual abuse only to have the courts and evaluators accuse them of "false allegations", "Parental Alienation Syndrome" and being an "unfriendly parent". Many courts give liberal, unsupervised visits to the abusive parent and some even award full custody. The children end up dead, either by suicide or at the hands of their abusive parent, or traumatized for a lifetime. I went through 17 years of pure hell trying to protect my daughter. It wasn't until she aged out (18) and filed a restraining order against him that things turned around. Her dad took it all the way to trial, was finally found guilty and she was awarded her restraining order. Imagine being forced to go to trial and get an OOP against your own parent just to finally feel safe! Should have never gotten that far. 5 years if trauma therapy and a lifetime of looking over her shoulder. All because nobody would listen to, validate, believe or care for her "best interests". Totally disgusting! Glad you were able to protect your children. Most parents aren't that lucky. Blessings to you.

[@marlacarlson2586]

I agree the Courts are a concern. Good job Mama Bear! Keep protecting the Baby Bears.

[@shikagreenmint]

Need advice. I know a father who is the primary care taker for 7 years. She left him when they were very little. When she is with a man she comes back and try’s to use the kids to control him. Choosing when he can see them or call them. It broke him. Literally taking the kids from him. He does not want to never see his kids so he does not fight to much with her. Soon as she broke up with the guy she dropped them off on him. It was the most happiest day of his life. He will see his kids. They are everything to him. He was all for the kids. He was already helping with money with out child support but then she decided he need Ed to pay. Then she kept it going then taking money form him. Even after she gave the kids to him. Then she did not get in trouble after she continued to collect it with out kids. She was gone for years. Now she has a new guy and coming back and manipulating what happened and trying to disrupt the peaceful life he has with his kids. A loving family environment. The kids are healthy and happy. He was more then welcome to let her see them. He grew up with a father who left him and stuck with step parents. He know what it’s like. But she just never contacted him. She left. She made her decision. What mom just leave me when your kids are 3 or 2? Who leaves a baby? Now the problem is she is back very hateful and trying to cause issues but he is doing his best to keep his cool but she is pretending to a worried mother and act as if it’s him who is the problem. She needs to think about the kids. She is twisting everything. How does he file for custody with out loosing the kids? With all her lies and process in trying to collect information to get documented information on him to have something to work with to get the kids back. She always needed the kids for her own needs. Being a parent is to much and will take her freedom to go out with her friends and drink. How do I stop this from happening to him. How does he claim the kids in full and control the visitation so she won’t take them form him? So he will not loose to never see them again. How to avoid going back to child support because he is a man who has been there for the kids as primary caretaker? He does not need child support either. He has been raising them with out her. Help. What can he do? Will courts really choose her over him because she is the mother even though the toxic environment is being hidden? He has no money for big lawyer. I can’t even help him. What can we do before it’s to late?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

shikagreenmint, we can't control someone else's behavior. I don't know that he needs an expensive attorney, could she even afford one? Documentation is key so collect as much as he can and then file for full custody.

[@Knittingmylifeaway]

I find that even if you're not trying to win custody, this is so beneficial to your children's self esteem, and to your children's trust and security in YOU...

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Great point Rachel - yes - you've reminded us that the most important thing is the relationship. Keep the priorities straight! DrPaul

[@MrMrmetro]

Very true. Excellent advise! I have done this. It's been an eight-year project (so far, we are not done yet!) for me and I did exactly what he is saying. Here is the glitch: If your ex is a borderline personality disorder or a narcissist, there are some other factors to consider. Most importantly, you must recognize that the courts are biased towards women and most (not all) women use the system to their advantage. Next, you must know that these types of disordered folks are VERY effective at manipulation and painting you in a corner. They are very effective at character assassination, and if you are not very careful, you will have the court and even your own lawyer against you.........no matter how loving you have been. Your child will most likely be the only one that knows the truth as to who is the more fit parent. Then it becomes an issue of timing!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

MrMrmetro - yes, there are definitely considerations that can make this more challenging - which makes it all the more important to stick to our principles! Thanks for watching. DrPaul

[@andsun]

So true about the "glitch"!

[@lawandstreeter3456]

I'm having that "glitch" with my son's dad being a narcissist. I want to move back to GA where my "family" is. He is requesting sole custody just because he wants him. He also just had another baby and I believe wants me to pay child support that's why he wants sole custody. I already had joint custody in place here is filling for sole custody. I even presented a schedule for him and there was no compromise. When asked what would be my availability to have my son he didn't have one in place.

[@lunabluecreations6447]

MrMrmetro I agree. Courts have notoriously been biased toward women, and in many cases wrongly so. Whichever parent is the best at rearing the children, I agree. Whether it be Dad or Mom. However I have been on an odyssey for nearly 10 years now, the first year-and-a-half he saw the kids maybe 45 days out of that time. Because I would search for him and pretty much make him have time with the children not for him but for the kids. The fact is, I'm the one who's been painted into a corner. At one point there was an issue with him, I chose for the children's sake to stop pursuing custody. The fact is that the children have done what the evaluator here has said, they know what he's done however he has the money. They get to do things that they want to do. No one's really watching their day-to-day, hour-by-hour activities. As one of my children said I know he's an a****** but he's still my dad. I understand that and I agree good bad or indifferent we are their parents. However it cuts so deep when you're the one who didn't do the wrong things, you're the one who has run around with that virtual mattress to catch your children when all he's been doing in my opinion is breaking them to get revenge on me. The most hurtful part is our kids are going to have to be dealing with this stuff forever. The Fallout from all this. I'm an adult, I can handle a lot, the kids should not have to. So I have stepped back in a major way. If you can tell me where I can find an actual person who's going to do this kind of thing where I'd be able to pay them as I go along that'd be great. Someone who's interested in what's appropriate for the kids. This situation severely impacted me, PTSD, anxiety and stress fear shame. I am dealing with it, I refuse to allow myself to stay down. My oldest daughter from a previous relationship told me they'll be back Mom when they completely broken tail be back. That has happened and I'm always here for them. I'm going to end with this when we got together seeing how he was with his ex-wife should have been a major indicator but I missed disregard it really the signs we promised each other we never use our children against each other if we chose to split up. I stayed true to that promise I didn't use our kids I didn't go for full custody where he went for full custody I was asking for 50/50 because the kids need both Mom and Dad good pattern different as I said before. But the hell he rain down on me for not wanting to stay with him is very painful. When our divorce was Final in 2013 that evening when he was scheduled to drop off the kids as they went upstairs he told me if it weren't for you we'd still be married we separated in 2008 for him to make such a statement shows just how much animosity he had for me still has for me and the Revenge he was willing to take. Good luck with your Odyssey sir

[@8-biternie944]

But if the child says to the court that the dad is more of a fit parent than the mother, then they'll just put the child in foster care, Family Court will NOT give a child to the father under ANY circumstances, once you get to Family Court, you may as well kiss your kids goodbye

[@monicanicoleleeify]

My God I'm in tears listening to this you've just described my situation entirely. My baby's daddy has caused so much hurt and now trying to take my child from me it sucks me and my child are suffering

[@Lisal3e]

Crazy right 😔 I’m going thru the exact same thing he’s a straight up narcissist he’s always been very intelligent which makes things even worse

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am so sorry, MONICA NICOLE. I wish you the best in your custody case.

[@melissajohnson1082]

Same here currently going through it

[@Callie0818]

My ex lied over and over and manipulated the court evaluator. I did many of your recommendations. It is very difficult to divorce a narcissist and a domestic abuser. He still has overnights.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

So sorry for what you have gone through, Callie, and are continuing to experience. Thank you for sharing.

[@medgineeugene1241]

I agree completely! I wish someone like you would help to correct the ineptness of the “justice” system because they are almost completely unqualified to make decisions in the best interest of the children. This inspires fear in the parent who is inclined to choose love. Also, this makes it easy for a narcissist to win cases like this. Thank you for the work you do🙏

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for such kind words, Medgine Eugene. Agreed - everyone's focus should be on the children.

[@Anonymous-ox8or]

What do you do if your a kid who wants to be with his dad but a mom does not let you see him that much but you want to be with him because he takes care of you better

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Anonymous, I don't know what the divorce papers say. Talk to your mom and let her know that you want to spend more time with your dad.

[@lionessdez]

This is great information, I currently am going thru this. He put me in the hospital and physically abused me while we were together. My son is 1 now and we will be going to trial soon. He has had supervised visits the past 6 months. It’s been really hard but I will always choose love for the sake of my child. I appreciate you making this video ♥️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Destinee Tena, I am sorry you went through this but happy that you are out. I am glad you know where to focus now.

[@buttermonkey33]

How are you holding up? Was he ever arrested? This is awful reality for you. And I'm in a similar situation where if he can abuse me he can abuse his child too?

[@brookwilderson4634]

Thank you for this. Here I am at 12 am with panic attack who has always tryed to include the father in his child's life then bam out of 5 years of his life only being apart of of it for a year then wants to fight. I was very off taken and hurt by this and it's terrifying. The chance of loosing your kid, the money, the separation of your lifestyle the home you built. It's just all new and scary and this eased my mind a ton because I'm not out for blood I want two loving parents for a near perfect child. And he's out for blood when all I've given is a loving environment for him and our kid.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Brook Wilderson, I hope this doesn't go on too long and you are able to find peace once again with your child.

[@watchvidz7162]

have you tried to do what's best for everyone or just you? Just letting him see her when u want is not enough!

[@debbiegreen9689]

Thank you so much, you just made me feel better about myself & my newborn baby father. Now I’ll do my best to choose love over Hates which my heart has been leading to. You are not a pastor or a priest but you sounded like one and saved me for now... thank you!!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Debbie Green, you can do this.

[@jonathangonzalez1808]

Omg I know you were speaking in most extreme situation but it actually seems like you were talking to me, I can’t believe I found this video because of my coworker you have no idea what you just did for my kids! Thank you for this unfiltered information this video might just have helped make two young lives future better.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Oh wow! I am so glad our paths crossed.

[@jonathangonzalez1808]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV the feeling is definitely mutual. I will continue to watch thank you.

[@jocelynmircar2529]

As a 14 year old that has lived with this for 7 years I still wonder why they don’t take our thoughts in this situation. It is our life’s after all you never know if one parent could be worse then the other but they act as if they don’t in court.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jocelyn Mircar, as you get older, you should be able to have more input.

[@galenyoung8349]

@@motocouple86 a childs love isnt for sale. Obviously you still havent learned anything.

[@MichaelBrown-lw5zh]

The advice he's giving, should be given to the judge. I going through a simple separation, but it was the judge that chose to pick on parent, and destroy the other one, while at the same time raking in the title 4 funding. It's th corrupt judges that should be addressed. If you're not talking about that, you're not saying shyt!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Michael Brown, sorry that you have had a bad experience.

[@karmasky5610]

I have court tomorrow morning for divorce and custody. He is trying to keep them from me out of spite and have his mother raise them. He’s using my mental illness against me. Please pray for me and wish be the best of luck. Ty

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Karma Sky, I do wish you the best of luck!

[@haitikuwait360]

I only watched this because it always shows up in my feed and I didn’t want to put “not interested” because I love this channel and I didn’t want it to affect the algorithm!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you, Haiti. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[@youmakemehappy7]

I needed to hear this. ❤ Thank you. It is so hard to do this, but knowing that it negatively and directly effects my child to be hateful and resentful, is reason enough to respond with love. Plus, I just keep telling myself that I hope karma takes care of the part that I am no longer holding myself responsible of trying to do myself. I just want my son happy, safe, & loved.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

That is just beautiful, Sara Ferguson. I hope you feel the weight off your shoulders. Awesome.

[@kristenmentasti4192]

I’m right there with you, Sara.

[@youmakemehappy7]

@@kristenmentasti4192 ugh, I'm so sorry :(

[@youmakemehappy7]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV awww thank you so much!! 😊 it's hard, but my son's sweet face makes it all a little sister as long as he is happy! 😊

[@besimplebeweird9140]

Love will free is from all hates, bitterness and anger in the world we live in. I’m going through a divorce right now with kids and I sure need love and forgiveness.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You nailed it Danny - yes - stay focused on love. We've got a bunch of other videos here on the channel that you might find helpful as well. With daily videos, you might find it easier to search by playlist to find the ones that are most applicable. Honored to be on your team! DrPaul

[@Gravityfed777]

Wow I’ve been divorced for 4 years and this is the best information I’ve ever been given. Especially the point of how to love. Unreal, keep up the videos.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Richard, thank you so much for your kind comment - so glad you found the video to be helpful. Wishing you the best as you move forward! DrPaul

[@violetpowell4750]

My husband is in the same field as you for 49 years including Director of Social Services Fostering & Adoption know he is a freelancer in the same field. It has been hard for him, the parents, including children. The difference between my husband we have kept a life journal of these children for their benefit he would visit them may sure everyone have the best interest of the children. He also had one to one sessions with the children on confusion of identity of all diversities. Whilst he was a SOCIAL WORKER TEAM LEADER, before set-up position. Everyone one which was placed in his care he kept a copies of their family journal, pictures, questions and they had visitation to see their children. All of the children know have a beautiful positive feedback of their life journal which had been successful stories because their were placed or adopted with their extended families members. When theses children in care parents resolved their underlined issues they could have back their parental rights which materialise. Know one likes separating children from their parents but who can temporary separation for the best interest if the child well-being.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Your husband sounds amazing. What a wonderful idea. You are making a difference in lives.

[@CherieFlemingHorrigan]

My situation is so incredibly painful and unjust. I do love and forgiveness. The only issue is the step-mom in the children’s lives has brainwashed them to believe she is their real mom. There is so much to this story I should write a book. Thank you for these videos!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

What a challenge Cherie - not at all what you originally planned right? Glad you are finding the videos helpful, and I'm honored to be on your team. DrPaul

[@asmaa7447]

Cherie LaVerne Keeping u in my prayers Chose love and spend quality time with ur kids call them hug them, you are the mother no one will take that away when they are happy or sad they will come running to u because u are home .

[@karissaexplainsitadhdstyle]

Your comment on choosing love almost made me cry, it was beautiful. I grew up between two bitter parents who always said terrible things about each other, they each made me feel like I needed to pick a side. For the comments that state, You can't choose love with a narcissist or someone who abused you, you absolutely can. You choose love for your child. I do and I went through those things in my relationship and continue to. That doesn't mean it's easy or that I don't ever feel angry or hurt, it means that I don't want my child to continually feel those feelings. I don't want my child to feel uncomfortable telling me how much fun they had with their other parent. I want my child to be able to freely express themselves with me and trust me to not get upset. If you say bad things about the other parent or ask your child to tell you bad things about the other parent, you start a relationship where your child feels the need to hide things from you. So, if nothing else, not only do you damage the relationship between your child and both parents, you take away the foundation of your child's most important trust building relationships, so they don't feel like they can trust anyone. That is a terribly sad way to grow up.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

This is just beautifully said. I hope people read this and learn.

[@christelc2783]

Thank you for reminding us about choosing love :-) Unfortunately when I spoke like that to the social worker, she took it as a sign of weakness, almost perceived as the kind of mother who put her husband before her kids, and they failed to understand that I was trying to keep the peace in order to keep my children emotionally safe. I was very proactive but I also had to use wisdom at the same time. Today I have taken the matter to court, and hopefully cafcass and the judge will see through it, I will be representing myself and he will probably have his solicitor but it's never easy to fight against a narcissist :-(

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Christel .O, communication can be difficult, when one person takes what we say in a way that we did not mean it. This is why it is great to clarify and tell her exactly what you mean. Good luck in court.

[@sondranewhouse2850]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV 😊

[@sharinmythoughts2510]

Dr. Jenkins, you just MELT MY HEART. You are such a wonderful Person, and Psychologist!! God Bless you and Prosper you, all the days of your life! I could watch and listen to you care for the welfare of children all day long. You are right on POINT, and so are your Guests! You are so real. You are so Right. Please Please people..please let your children Love their other parent. It is so CRUEL to do it any other way! Thank you! I know that everyone watching Dr. Jenkins, is really wanting to do the RIGHT THING by their child. For the Sake of Love. How wonderful are you all!!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you, I appreciate your positivity.

[@Grandmaster_Squirrel]

Thank you I’m going through this right now. My previous partner is threatening me with lawyers and trying to boss me around. I said go for it, get a lawyer…

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Squirrel, it just wastes a lot of time and money. Wish you the best.

[@dustinn7014]

I really hope this comment finds the person in these videos. I just want to say thank YOU so much for this information. When it comes to my child whom is being alienated from me and a nasty hateful ex who’s putting our son’s own health and safety at risk in efforts to try and create conflict and bait me into a reaction so she can use it to maintain status quo - I have turned a 180 on my outlook and way I handle my interactions and have chosen love over hate. As hard as that was to commit to, it’s the right choice for my child and I know where’s truly no point in trying to argue your way on an issue with someone who’s determined to create a negative coparenting relationship, that 10/10 times is in the best interest for your child. Strategic non-response 😊. Thank you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are going to have a wonderful relationship with your child as they grow. They will see the difference.

[@Jay-hr3rh]

These are the first people who will say, " I love my children". I have to keep them safe. 🤔

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I understand what you are saying, John. I have heard that said when what they really mean is they want to hurt the other person. Thank you for watching.

[@shesaghost9920]

My ex husband is this person and does nothing for all 5 of his kids

[@rattyboy-private8744]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV u are so full of stuff I can smell it through the video. You strike me as the kind of guy who would let kids go off with a 5 arrests/1 conviction DUI mom with no valid driver's license because Dad has a problem with mom passing out with the kids.

[@beanDoggins]

@@rattyboy-private8744 you might need to pay attention to what he says more then. Him and the judge can't afford to be emotionally invested in every case and then let the emotions dictate the recommendation or custody verdict. They have a blanket analysis for every case because there's just too many people with these problems. It is impossible for them to be investigators, Therapists, and policemen at the same time.

[@rattyboy-private8744]

@@beanDoggins Too many kids are forced into unsupervised visits with a drug addict (which includes the drug ethanol) simply because kids are never believed unless they say it's sexual abuse. These 2 dudes are EXACTLY the kind of people who would disregard a kid's testimony.

[@louragalvan6420]

Loved your video .. my child custody evaluator is coming over this sunday ... my daughter was not returned to me after a summer visit about 4years ago ... I do sometimes feel like if I hate this person for what he did to me and also to my daughter because my daughter was just getting to know him ... he has been lying to the courts for so long and always talks bad about me to my daughter even his mother tells her I'm a bad mother because I gave her away .. I have 4 other daughters .. I would never give my babies away .. they are my everything I have been a single mom and have never given up on my other one ..... this Sunday is a big day for me ... I'm so glad I found this video god bless🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Loura Galvan, good luck!

[@alexandrasalvagni6269]

“Clear your mind of animosity and hate” except my ex husband left me for another woman and impregnated her at the same time as I was. But, yes act totally sane and loving towards the other parent, lol! I don’t hate anyone. But I will say that it’s unrealistic to not have negative feelings for a person who destroyed you. I won sole custody anyways and my child is happy and healthy :)

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am glad your child is happy and healthy, Alexandra Salvagni. I can only imagine how difficult of an experience that was. From my observations and personal life, I have found forgiveness to be freeing and serves you more than the other person. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.

[@williamshirley6263]

Winning sole custody and making it to where another parent doesn't see their kids is not something to be happy about. That is a tragedy that child lost it's father.

[@leonardelisha8990]

Thank you for this Tip! Its all about Love, Forgiveness, and Teaching a child how to genuinely love both her parents regardless of the atmosphere in parents relationships

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

So true!

[@Kivlor]

Thank you for these amazing videos. Wish I'd found your content much sooner. I grew up in a broken home, and my parents' D was so bad that their attorneys--who had been best of friends--never spoke to each other again after it. More parents need to choose love, and put their kids first when they decide to end a marriage. It's a nightmare for the children.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish all parents could read this and realize the choices they make have far-reaching effects.

[@ryleemcdougall2122]

We need help my mother died and my little brother got handed to his abusive father who hasn't seen him in over 3 years, we need a platform to spread the word about our story

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Rylee McDougall, I am just now seeing your comment. I am very saddened to hear of your family situation. Unfortunately this is not a platform for stories. I will tell you though that we have a child custody playlist, hopefully that will help get your brother into a safer environment: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPBhTE4dbqLMBrRk8Uop0jgd Best wishes to you and your family during this very difficult time.

[@2006drz400supermoto]

This video has gave me a great understanding I’ve chosen love not hate my ex wife is choosing hate and she has a suit against me at the moment for 5 things I can prove wrong but it’s very stressful but I’m doing what I can to keep my head up and protect our children safely, positively, as well as truthfully. Thanks again for this video

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Dave, Yes! Don't let anyone (including and especially your ex) drag you into a negative hate mode. Hold your ground! You've got this. DrPaul

[@mamaknow8056]

Live On Purpose TV I need to understand how having a love mode wins in court in the end. I think I'm missing something. Dad is negatively affecting our child with bullying with every opportunity. How does one stop the hate mode as I have always composed myself in court and have somehow lost in the end at our hearings. How does one show the court the negative affects on a child from mental abusive situations with other parent. I've heard it's very hard to prove mental abuse issues in court i.e.. parental alienation for example. Your thoughts Dr Paul?

[@FatherX2022]

This is a very clever and insightful way of thinking about parenting. We have to think about the best interests of the mother, of the father, and of the child. And we have to be able to differentiate all of those things.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Yes, there is so much that goes into it.

[@caradrew82]

Thank you so much. This is the hardest thing as a loving father I have ever experienced

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I bet, chad r. I have witnessed many and it is a stressful time for all involved. Good luck to you.

[@niomiperez5611]

Not only is he slightly going on the men’s side with these slide remarks but he also didn’t even talk about domestic violence where they have to leave and don’t want the child to go through the same thing. Chose love what does that even mean. I’ve chosen love so many times and that’s what got me in a marriage where I was taken advantage of.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Niomi Perez, abuse of any kind is not acceptable. Choosing to love does not mean not having boundaries or allowing bad behavior. This is not for those situations.

[@traciebrown8455]

My child’s father is a narcissist and he studies me and when he doesn’t get what he wants he is very threatening to me

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

That is draining, Tracie Brown. Hopefully you can limit your time with him.

[@aracelijuarez6516]

Omg I can relate...

[@lynn4460]

You need a legal domestic abuse coach.

[@ChucksNPearls]

??? Where

[@djentile7773]

This is the best CC video I've seen. You give advice farther than i.e. step 1 step 2 etc.. This gives me more hope in going forward in getting this started. My ex is on felony probation and she refuses to let me take our daughter for even a day, but she demands child support and is all about confrontation.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Good luck with your case, Tommy Vines.

[@acstamos]

Dr. Paul, thanks you for a most helpful lesson. I was so upset when I started watching your post. At the end of it, I wanted to watch it again, and as a dad I would prefer to follow the lessons of the proverbs rather than the bitterness, animosity, or hate of our era. I just hope I can follow your advice.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You can, Aeneas C. Stamos. We all mess up at times, just never give up.

[@shilpashree8426]

Im glad i came across your video. My sibling is having a nasty divorce. Your video helped me to understand whats happening to my nephew, who is very dear to me 🙏thank you

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

shilpa shree, I am glad you are in his life.

[@lydiahubbell6278]

I don't believe in letting strangers determine what is "appropriate"--that is my job as a fit, loving parent. I support equal parenting.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Lydia Hubbell, I hear you, glad you are on the channel.

[@heidigrove3986]

Thank u so much for that eye- opening perspective. I am dealing with a hostile custody dispute with my ex slinging mud and isolating our son from me. I suffer from anxiety and depression which make coping with stress hard and can make acting productively nearly impossible at times. I have been losing hope of being ALLOWED to PARENT my child. Untrue accusations and hasty hearings behind my back have left me in the "every other weekend" category and have deeply affected the court's perception of me. Your videos got me out of my pity and despair and back on track with a positive, encouraging and logical solution. Our son's wellbeing really is the most important factor to consider. Instead of trying to disprove all my ex's allegations, I'll take the high road and stay with my original course. I want a new life and DO NOT want to interfere with or deny my son's bond with his father. I'm letting go of the animosity and fear and control and embracing "the loving response." Thank u SO MUCH, words can't describe the RELIEF and COMFORT your videos have given me.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Heidi Grove, such a difficult situation, I know you can handle it and do your best for your son.

[@haffmichellel4638]

I know a spell man who can help you

[@joelladkins8398]

Thank you for giving me somewhere to focus my energies as all the factors in divorce can be overwhelming and this is the most important one!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Joell Adkins, happy that you found value in the video. Thank you for watching.

[@CarolDudeck-bl7kz]

I’m so fed up with the BS here in Canada with custody, my former Narcissistic husband had fake child abuse charges drummed up against me, how do I fight back im livid!😡🇨🇦

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Carol Dudeck, that is so unfortunate. Stay calm! That is #1 and the hardest to do with something like this. Get a lawyer and get your evidence and character statements together. Follow your lawyers advice.

[@helenatroy33]

I had to co parent with my ex husband/ my narcisstic abuser. I never deviated from being child focused at all times, and demonstrating respect for him as her father. I sought remedy at all times. No matter his behavior, no matter how belligerent he was, there was never a fight for me, as I ALWAYS STAYED IN HONOUR AND ALWAYS SOUGHT REMEDY, AT ALL TIMES. Let that sink in. You are amazing sir, thank you for educating others.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

What a great example, Helena Phoenix. Some people don't think it is possible, but it is. Thank you for commenting.

[@christinewarren8134]

Girl yes. I be wanting to kick his azzzzzz

[@lydiahubbell6278]

My daughter's dad started our custody battle with a string of lies. I was determined to not sling mud in return. My words of appreciation for him were used against me. The biggest liar won in my case. I wanted my daughter to be free to continue to be free to love both parents. That is what she wanted. She still wants it, but she has not had a moment alone with me in over 4 years and I have ZERO animostity towards her father.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Lydia Hubbell, I hope you are able to get more time with your daughter, I can tell you are determined and keep the faith.

[@BleddyBear81]

How to win: be mom.

[@Knittingmylifeaway]

That's right. Be mom. Take them to the doctor. Keep track of what's going on at school. Be available emotionally to the child... listen to them talk about school and friends etc. Pay for stuff. Teach them, take care of them, do what you need to do to provide all their needs. Dads can do this too.

[@cheleftb]

Truth thank u

[@k.b.s4703]

@@Knittingmylifeaway exactly. Sadly women are more nurturing and care more for the children. Naturally. Theres witches out there but the majority are nurturing

[@justiceforourkidsorganizat8436]

@@k.b.s4703 check out my videos. I'm in a custody nightmare kzbin.info/www/bejne/nIe5Z5Jsmt9nkJY

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Daniel Rice, mom's don't win 100% of the time. The majority, yes, but I have seen fathers awarded custody also.

[@panospar]

Those are great life lessons that come with big experience, delivered in a very clear, loving passionate way. Thanks. Everyone has to learn.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

We are in this together. Glad you are here.

[@huaahhggg9507]

Instead of custody "professionals" expecting heartbroken parents to act careless about the grave issues their children are faced with, custody professionals should understand what parents in situations like this are faced with, especially parents who didn't want this but was forced into it by orders of protection.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

The process is not fun, Jordan McKinnery. It sounds like you have experienced that. I hope your case turns out and you are able to see your son.

[@mikejw58]

Wow. Amazing. When I read some of the comments here that say love doesn’t work, right away I say to myself “they’re the bad one”. You are exactly right right. Thank you sir for your prospective. Well said

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Mike JW, glad to have you at the channel.

[@khloenaidoo2115]

I've been fighting with my narc ex for several years for custody eventually he never obeyed the court order and just made it difficult for me too my child. I let go my daughter because this custody battle was destroying her eventually he remarried and got a child from her and he is doing the same ugly thing to her what he done to me. He is alienating the kids from the mother's. How can I win another battle with him breaking the rules. I Have recordings from his mom stating his is unfit and mentally traumatizing the kids were they are so afraid of him.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Khloe Naidoo, this is so sad, I hope you can find a lawyer who is familiar with the laws of your state and get some advice. You might try talking to the other mother and compare your stories.

[@zacharymckenzie4886]

I haven’t been allowed to see my daughter in over 3 years, but I have to feel compassion for the fact that mom is sick. I’m about to file an ex parte to keep her safe while she gets help, but it’s caused me to almost lose everything and I totally understand what he is saying. It use to cause me countless sleepless nights. But I totally agree with this. Hate is wrong.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Zachary Mckenzie, I am happy for you that you will be able to see your daughter again.

[@fredericksaturnine4167]

Choose love not hate and pray that the "evaluator" or God has mercy and doesn't impose their artificial rules on you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Derick Chafton, thanks for your positivity.

[@drjmapple5510]

I wish there were more people like you in the Family Court system. Bye I think we need to be honest with people. Family courts are biased in favor of mothers. The courts actually document who gets custody of the children based on their relationship to the child. They do this because it is part of the requirement for the county for which the court serves, to collect federal incentives under 42 USC 658a. All you have to do is send a freedom of information request to the state child support agency. You just request the numbers for any specific gear or timeframe showing the relationship to the child. I have collected data from all 50 states that show that judges prefer to give custody to the mother 90% of the time. The judges have been given secret instructions. These instructions require a judge to give mothers custody and place fathers on child support. It doesn’t matter what you do as a father, because the courts are incentivized to take children from their fathers, for the sole purpose of putting the fathers on child support so that the county can receive state and federal funding. This funding pays for, the judges, quart room, office staff, and the domestic relations office. There is an entire economy built on child support. The judges have a fiduciary interest in the outcome of every single family court case. The judge has not the best interest of the child in mind, but the best interest of the county in mind.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

How sad. Money should never come into the decision. It does.

[@SingleDadSurvival]

You are 100% correct. Title IV-D "child support" incentivizes states as the receive 67% of each dollar they can farm out of men for child support from the Federal government.

[@melia.claire]

Am I the only kid watching your channel?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Nope. We have many kids watching Live On Purpose TV! We actually have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV Hope you go check it out! Thanks for being here.

[@melia.claire]

Yay cool!

[@rbolen8460]

Even if I am not given custody .I still deserve to be a part of his life and to communicate with him . I've got more important things to show him and teach him besides telling him my side of the story . I wrote it down so if he wants to know . We don't get time back . spending most of the child's life in court cases is b.s. Thank you for this channel

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Ronald Bolen, your child does need you! I wish you luck.

[@caligold8978]

It's hard to choose love wit all the pain.....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Yes it is Cali Gold - and it is a rare choice. I love the way this single choice can heal us and empower us to move forward. Thanks for watching! DrPaul

[@caligold8978]

+Live On Purpose TV my case is kinda weird ... My ex wife keeps calling the cops on me for little reasons. I'm not abusive either Zz

[@devinbarker9285]

Thank you so much. I'm going through an ugly battle. This video just changed my life

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

It's truly an honor to be on your team. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV, Devin Barker.

[@nonanamemcgee884]

You're amazing. Thank you for saying everything I need to hear right now.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You've got this Moana Banana! Stick to principle and that will always create the best possible outcomes even if you go through hard things to get there. Honored to be on your team. DrPaul

[@Erin-fg9ch]

I am here for my children! And our bright futures!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Erin, Wonderful! You are the parent your children need.

[@aubrimusser]

Thank you so much I’ve been through so much and I been trying to do the right thing but your words are inspiring

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Aubri, I can only imagine what a burden it must be. I'm honored to be on your team - you've got this! DrPaul

[@lynn4460]

When you can't figure out what steps to take next, hire a legal domestic abuse coach who has represented themselves in family court or when through the system for over ten years.

[@blastking2006]

this is my situation my sons mother she lied that she dint know who i was and got me arrested by law enforcement prior to my child being born and it created an immigration problem for me bcs of the arrest . i just got done with immigration and its now 5 years she contacted me early this year that she wanted me to see my son but she did not show up. she has already had someone else sign my sons birth certificate despite the person being from another race . can i still get to see my son

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

The best course for you at this time is to seek legal advice from someone who knows the laws in your state. If you can get a DNA test, you can prove you are the father. Good luck, Eric Iangat.

[@Hatterloco]

Thanks for a different approach and perspective, for my letter to the court. because I have focused on the problem not the solution. my letter so far was based on what was wrong, not on how we can be the solutions to the problem. First rule of court "never start an argument"

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Wise words, Hatterloco. Be part of the solution and courts love people who they feel want to work with them.

[@catwilk8213]

But what if the mom is alienating the kids from their father. Making him look like a horrible monster to everyone! when truthfully he's the most sweet gentle giving kind person you ever meet . but because she can talk an Eskimo out of an igloo she gets whatever she wants . She's great at gaslighting manipulating and Lies straight to your face. that includes playing with the children's emotions and pinning them against their father which makes him look like a terrible person.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

That's the kind of stuff that comes up all the time in these cases. Your best bet is always to adhere to principle, which allows you to come through with your integrity intact regardless of what other less scrupulous people might (or will) do. DrPaul

[@liamnevio823]

C W

[@johnmoses9618]

Happen to me with my son but for now I have him almost joint custody with I am working on to make it better for our relationship. It's sick to see a child turn against you .But it is better now but for 3 months I didn't see him and he wash brainwash .So it depends on how long you go without seeing your child or children .Good luck

[@Bruceallmiighty]

Dealing with this now

[@timwilliams1427]

Thats 100% my issue And I am loosing bad every time she gets a new man.. My 2 oldest kids hate me but my 2 younger kids love me like no other but not for long I already know its coming.

[@SasukeUchiha-xy4vj]

I've lost everything after my daughter's been gone. I need to climb out this hole but have no direction or assistance. I lost it all

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am so sorry. This is a heavy burden to carry.

[@andymartinez3332]

Thank you so much this really help me I'm going through so much right now with my ex girlfriend I'm so thankful you Made this video

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Andy I am honored to be on your team - glad you found it helpful! DrPaul

[@bruh-lf6lm]

She put you on child support

[@bosborne24]

I wish i could have you as my child evaluator evaluator, the long term damage. My children are in very bad situation only because of her poor job. And still im powerless to help my own children.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Besa Osborne, good luck, I wish the best for you.

[@macaroonskittycatpurplesky9687]

Thank you this video actually gave me more hope on what I am about to go through with the mother of my child.. my daughter is my heart and soul. Still confused cause this will be my first experience I ever will ever go through. Love is the most I can do I may not be perfect or the riches but to my little girl I’m daddy. Super hero or maybe just so much emotion. I don’t hate on the mother of my child but she’s not the nicest person. I maybe not living in her expectations but I’m a damn good father when it comes down to my baby girl. Sigh well just gotta pray. Thank you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Tony, you're on track. Sorry that you are going through this, but keep that perspective and you will give a great gift to your daughter. Best wishes! DrPaul

[@km-lw2uc]

Ok are you splitting because of adultry or violence. If not go to the Bible hope and love will and can heal.but not like magic but thru hard work and listening to the best Marriage counseling from god

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks Kristy - great perspective. Take a look also at the Positive Relationships playlist here on the channel for some other related ideas. DrPaul

[@williamshirley6263]

I'm so glad that alot of the court systems are starting to adopt both equal rights for both parents and not just the mother. It's been so uneven for so long. Thankfully it's this way bc the best parent is both parents. My child's mother is a gatekeeper mother who thinks she is the only person capable of taking care of my child. I pay my child support without a court order even after she took off with my kids to another state. I am now petitioning her to make her come back and honor a 50 mile rule so I get to still be in my beautiful baby girls life. Father's rights are real.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I wish you the best and know you will always be there for your daughter.

[@adrianjanssens7116]

Thank you for this excellent video. Just what I was looking for. Cheers from Canada.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Hello Adrian Janssens, from Canada. I am heading up there to speak in September.

[@Alex_Rdz90]

My son is about to be 12, he feels the love and attention way more by me and my family vs his mother love, it’s sad. The mother is more into her own personal life happiness then my sons. Im currently getting a lawyer, goal is to have the custodial position instead of “50/50”. But I’m seeing so much negativity on fathers actually getting it here in KZbin. He wants to live with me. I’m going to do all I can to make him happy. It’s just tough. The mother hates my guts so much only because we’re not together and I do more for my son, she has a lot of hate in her heart.. thanks for this video, showing me too keep my cool through all this that’s about to come.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Rdz Fam, I wish you luck.

[@pavlekovacevic5787]

Did you win?

[@Nina-vl3uh]

Hi I really love your advice because you use some biblical advice. I wish you are my lawyer I am currently going to custody battle.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Good luck with your case, Jesseth Jardine. What a tough thing to go through. Thank you for watching.

[@wysefavor]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV how do I know if your lawyer is best for you ? Or doing what is best for you ?

[@lydiahubbell6278]

We didnt' have a divorce and never lived together. Our daughter was born out of wedlock and we coparented for 5 1/2 years until he decided she didn't need a mother anymore, and he has got the courts to agree with him, despite the fact that the child psychologist and school psychologist and others disagree and testified in court that she was suffering from being denied meaningful contact with me. The only harm that has ever come to her has been from my forced absence.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Lydia Hubbell, your love for your daughter is deep and she knows you love her, one day she will figure it all out and you can be together again and heal.

[@lydiahubbell6278]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV If the lives that long. Some of my last words were to keep herself safe and keep others safe. When she was in first -3 grade she was very violent. She started expressing suicidal ideation when she was 8. Nobody was alarmed. She started turning her pain inward and told me that when she told people how she felt, nobody seemed to care or be willing to help. All she wants is her family back. And lawyers and judges need to be held accountable for unnecessarily intruding into family relationships and violating the laws in place to protect us. I am working in the judicial accountability movement in efforts to give the people more control over the judicial branch. What I have seen said and done, the depth of corruption just blows my mind. My focus has ALWAYS been on doing what is best for my child and respecting the rights of the other parent and my child. I never ran off with my child, I never slandered her father (although he has accused me of it, and there is an abundance of evidence being ignored that he has defamed me). In my case, it seems to be a situation where the person with less financial resources loses all. Elsewhere are parents who have abused their children and criminals in jail who are able to exercise more parental rights than I have. People who lie and make false accusations of abuse about the other parent should be held accountable. I was told by a domestic violence counselor that if he was using the system against me, I would have to use it against him. I wanted to treat him the way I wanted him to treat me. Bad legal advice for anyone. But, my conscience is clear. That counts for a lot. But it may just teach my daughter that it is okay to lie and cheat and steal since sometimes people win that way and sometimes being honest and fair costs you everything.

[@micheller5153]

Love wins always

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Absolutely, Michelle R! Thank you for the simple yet profound reminder.

[@KraziAnnRKissed]

I have made some mistakes, I've talked about court only because my kids asked if they will need to go. I told them I'm not sure and not to worry about it. I have also said how their father hurt me- to my daughter, not my son's but it doesn't matter. I don't want her to take my feelings and make them hers. I just saw her do that and I'm sick with myself that I did. I keep trying the love angle with him but he doesn't seem interested. I just want my kids to be kids and have a good education in a safer school then their current one. I don't want them to choose but they keep saying they have to. They don't! My daughter has freak outs and panic attacks before she leaves my house (she's 10) to go back and I feel like I'm a bad person to make her go. She's even expressed self harm when going back which she is seeing a therapist for. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid for them and how angry they are and how much they want to hurt themselves. It's unfair. I've been unfair by even talking about their father. I can't control him or his feelings only my own. Thank you for your videos, I'm really trying to not win in court, but help they be more equipt with dealing with their feelings and stress.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are putting the kids first and that is admirable. Let them express their feelings and I am glad you are answering their questions.

[@officialalfyiii3918]

I truly appreciate your video and knowledge. Thank you ! 🙏

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome, Alfred Isibido. Thank you for watching.

[@garrimic3]

Fixing to go through a divorce myself with four kids. My parents divorced when I was a teenager. Instead of being pulled back and forth my brother and I were left to ourselves. One parent went one way and the other parent went the other way. My wife at the moment is trying to explain to me what I will pay child support, alimony,etc. I just told her I would let the court decide. It’s difficult to talk to someone who is just telling me what I will have to do. Not to mention how time I will get with the kids. Hoping that something is going to change for the better. Such as not actually going through a divorce.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

garrimic3, I hope things work out for you and your wife is willing to talk again.

[@garrimic3]

Live On Purpose TV ... thank you

[@Onlinesully]

Garrimic You said something so so very important in your email, that you are hoping something will change and maybe not divorce at all. This is so promising. May i softest something that is hard to do but may be something very valuable. Write a letter from the heart and soul to your wife. Write about the good things you have done together. Write about the positive things about her. Write about that you would love to resolve this all in some way. And that you will consider her suggestions that she may have. Write that it would be just great for everyone of ye could figure a solution. Sorry if I sound preachy. It is not meant to be but rather it is intended to be helpful and hopeful.

[@anachelseafg8618]

thank you I needed this !!! im ready for tomorrow

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

ana franco, love to hear this, good luck.

[@The93licia]

Did you win full custody?

[@anachelseafg8618]

AliciaJ yes I got it but he is paying zero childcare reason he gets payed cash I allowed for him to visit for a day every two weeks one day he will regret being the piece of garbage he is

[@fahkutu4290]

About to go in for a hearing. I appreciate your videos; makes me feel a lot more confident and calm.

[@MagnoliaBlossom]

I’m preparing for trial and unfortunately my lawyer keeps drilling in my head “they won’t give you full parental responsibility”. Which is quite annoying considering the domestic violence, bullying, inconsistent involvement in our daughters life..... it’s so exhausting. I’m praying for a wise judge who will see through my X and the negligence of our daughters best interest. Glad things worked out for you!!!

[@ibeedawan7357]

Hi thank you so much. I am being sued for custody after the father allowed first case dismissal. He was always a great provider as long as I did what he wanted and allowed his mother to have control. I was pressured into giving him unsupervised custody rights because he told me that he would make sure our son hates me too by telling him that it's all my fault thai"daddy "can't be around, if I ever went to the authorities and he wasn't allowed to be around any more. I was also intimidated by my lawyer telling me that he would probably still get custody and pressuring me to give him unsupervised visitation. I still care for him deeply, he was also a great provider as long as I did what he wanted and stayed passive. I knew that our son would be worse off, physically and emotionally, if I wasn't around, so I tried to be a family again and believed his apologies and promises for therapy. He would constantly play the good cop to my bag cop because I didn't just allow our son to behave as an adult, by saying "well mommy says you can't have that, or mommy says you can't go with daddy, mommy doesn't trust daddy ". I've had to call police on him twice this year for refusing to leave my home and trying to kidnap our son and breaking into my locked bedroom door the next day. I've also had to call the police before the last case that was dismissed because he did not follow through. After this, he turned my phone off and took the card he gave me to support our son. He would refuse to change diapers or bathe our son. I've had to beg him to bathe our son, which he only has 3 times at the most. There was also an incident where he was scaring me by being hostile and yelling trying to force me to admit to his false allegations of me using him or knowing who he was before our relationship, so when he cornered me, instead of retreating or hitting him, I hit my head on the wall to make him back off because I was terrified and have learned that people usually leave you alone if you act "crazy". He immediately backed off and played victim and took pictures and humiliated me further. I went to therapy, and got an evaluation which proved no mental instability. Now because I refused to be intimate with him again, he and his mother are harassing me again for custody to try to implant fear. They falsely accused me of child abuse and neglect and called police and cps on me. Both situations were dropped after investigation. I also have proof that he admits being unstable, lying on my daughter, and "making plays"and being high with his cousin. I just can't agree to unsupervised mediation, but I'm almost certain that he will not comply. What proof would I need besides text messages and voice recordings?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

ibeeda wan, I would love to help you, however this is not my area of expertise. I am a psychologist, and therefore I cannot give specific legal advice. I discuss this topic from a psychological and behavioral standpoint in the other child custody videos in the playlist. If you want to see if there is anything useful for you, feel free to take a look here: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPBhTE4dbqLMBrRk8Uop0jgd. Best wishes.

[@willchacon5888]

You Awesome.....i am a Dad and i Love You... I love my x wife and her boyfriend..and i love spinach....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Well you're a very loving fellow me me - hope you find it helpful to watch. DrPaul

[@johnnyhotrod2608]

will chacon.....lmao! You got it right! A+

[@prb6636]

What can be done? I am writing on behalf of my son in law. He came home from work and my daughter, his wife and two daughters were gone. He thought maybe she went to a hotel with the girls because she had been upset the night before. Long story shortened, he did not hear from her for 1.5 months. He tried daily to reach out to her and her family with no response. At 1.5 months she finally responded "there fine." It had now been 3 months and she still refuses to let him see and barely talk to the girls. Enter me, she reached putt to me a week ago to tell me she had left her husband and was at her dad's. I was shocked and her answer was vague as to why. I knew my son in law considered me mom because he lost his mom to cancer and his dad is in very ill health. I called and texted him, he naturally is devastated and had quit his dream job and had to pack up and move across the U.S. believing his wife would be reasonably and they would figure out an arrangement if she no longer wanted to stay married. She called me a 2nd time absolutely giddy "in love" over 2 months. My son in law wants to see his babies and the last phone call the 8 year old cried so hard that he couldn't get her to stop, she wanted to see her daddy. I'm devastated because as a mother I don't understand how she can turn their world upside down and hurt them like this. I asked my son in law to come stay with me just because I love him and I know that he is all alone and needs support. He has asked her several times to send him a list of bills so he can pay for the girls, she has not. She spent 10k driving from the West coast to the Midwest and wants him to pay that and Her other bills or she won't let him talk to the girls and for over 3 months she has refused to let him see them. HELP

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

PR B, I wish I could help. Your son-in-law's story is heart-wrenching. Unfortunately I cannot give legal advice, as I come to the table with a psychological perspective. There are other videos about child custody in this playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLq2mRDkHEBPBhTE4dbqLMBrRk8Uop0jgd. Hopefully you or he can find something there that will help him process the case with an attorney and present it to a judge.

[@exgovernorroyromer3522]

Any way I could get you to come to mediation with me on Friday? I can't seem to get my son's mother on board with "this is about our son and not about spoils."

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

My calendar is full, Jim Meh. Have her watch some of the videos and if you want to make an appointment for coaching, reach out through the website. Thanks for watching.

[@teyonceful]

My sister was born and raised in NZ her boyfriend promised to provide and look after her and her daughter if she moves to Australia because he found out she was pregnant so she moved. During her pregnancy she found out he’s been talking and seeing other girls through social media, which he has a past of dating a lot of girls before being official with my sister when she became pregnant. Now 2years later with their son he’s still the same talking to other girls and is mainly working for himself going off on trips overseas and leaving them home alone and always saying it’s a boys trip but find out later there were girls there. I know deep down my sister loves him but he’s showing signs that he doesn’t want to be with her by sleeping in a different room and not that intimate with each other. She wants to come back home to NZ because she sees no future with him but knows she can’t just up and leave with her son because she’s trying to do what’s right and not do anything illegal. Right now she’s here for a holiday especially to see her 8year old daughter because her daughter decided to move and stay with me because my sisters boyfriend emotionally and physically abused her obviously he treats her differently because he’s not her biological father. As much as my sister wants to stay back here and just focus on her kids her boyfriend threatens her and reminds her that she can’t take their son away from him although they are not married. She believes that he’s trying to make her suffer from all the lies and things he’s caught doing and not being honest. She doesn’t want to have a custody battle she just wants to come back home focus on herself and her kids future she’s been through it before with her daughters father and now going through it again with her sons father. My sister is a humble loving person who don’t do drugs don’t drink alcohol don’t smoke, Who went to school and study and graduated flight attendant school and is trying to pursue her career but her boyfriend is not supportive. She doesn’t want a custody battle but he makes it sound like my sister doesn’t have an option her whole family is here in NZ not in Australia. What can she do??? I feel sorry for her. 😔

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

teyonce foreva, you can be there to listen to your sister and support her in the decision she makes. She needs to get information, it sounds like she is working off of emotion right now. Find out what would be involved in moving back by talking to someone who knows the complexities and law. I hope for the best.

[@teyonceful]

Live On Purpose TV Truly thank you for your advice.

[@jeffreyashmore9292]

How do you not have conflict when your child is abducted by the other parent? Child was taken out of state with a parenting plan in place and not me or the courts were notified. If there is felons drug addicts being brought around my kid on the mothers side and there is proof on paper of this how can you not have conflict? Your saying don't show emotion even if the circumstances are drastic. I keep hearing don't bash on the mom and that is exactly what I did the first time we went to court not bash on her and it was the wrong way to approach it because I lost custody and it was because I did not bash or was harsh towards the mom but she was bashing me and saying nasty things about me and it got her custody.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jeffrey Ashmore, it sounds like your experience was painful, even though you were trying to do the right thing. Hopefully you can find a lawyer to get the legal advice you need for your state and be a presence in your child's life.

[@saw727]

i listen to you over and over again.. and i hope your right, every judge is different... i do not want anymore conflict, my son is doing better than he was, unfortunately he doesn't get to see his dad as much... he could see him more, just no overnights, but dad is aware that child support is more with no overnights so dad is very upset and won't take son more because he would be paying me for him to spend time with son. Hopefully everything will balance out and child support wont be an outstanding amount... and that we can start working together to better the situation, calm the anger, and work together but from a far as parents. I haven't always been right about things, i've exploded on ex, ive been mad... but here and now... i am bettering myself... i just had to get out of the relationship to get to this point. Then his anger exploded and hasn't stopped.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I wish you well.

[@fatlife8976]

I really needed to hear this. Thanks

[@iamqueen6397]

Me too. This is so stressful. This video helps

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

F Life, glad we connected.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

IAM QUEEN, honored to be on your team.

[@deaneng8540]

Great example of using Mrs Ilibagiza chose of love instead of hate. I read that book and that is an amazing woman. I saw a video of her having the guy that slaughtered one of her family members over for dinner after he was released from prison. I don't know how she could do what she did. It must of been the Lord working inside her.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Dean Eng, I think she would agree with you and she is amazing. She has been a shining light for so many.

[@stevenwilliams5282]

I agree great video. But what if you been going through a custody battle for 11 years. The children’s mother has pulled out all the stops and keep the children away try to clean multiple child-abuse cases says that the Ila father have mentally and physically abuse the children. In win these issues are being investigated, they are all found to be untrue in that in fact what has been the alleged allegations were even the case at all. But somehow the judge still managed to keep me separated from my children for six months and only giving me two phone calls a week for five minutes apiece because of all these false allegations now we have a evidence Yeary hearing June 18. In which the judge hopefully she will look through and review all 325 pages of my court documentation plus I have many more to show her. I have gone above and beyond to show that I am the bigger person that I can look out for the children and that they have a good living home with me. But Mom tends to put the chair kids in the therapy saying that I mentally mentally abuse them in when I speak to their therapist when I was allowed to I come to find out that they’re talking about what goesIn their household. Mom is been married five times her third marriage was to convicted felon in prison and she has multiple mental issues but I am somehow the crazy one. How can I get this to come to light and get the real facts proven in court

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Wow Steven, tough case. Sometimes through all of the craziness the best thing you can do is to keep living your life with integrity. I think in the end that is what will make the biggest difference. DrPaul

[@stevenwilliams5282]

I do live my life with integrity. The children have a beautiful home with my my wife and there little brother. I guess I’m reaching out for a cry for help. How can a father who loves his children with all his heart and would do anything for them be kept away? I think my story needs to be heard and things need to come to light. Not to mention the financial strain. It’s not fair. Sad thing is the children cry and want to be with me and my wife. I’ve reached out to fathers rights and no one seems to care or want to help. In the end the children lose. I don’t want that for them.what I described in my comment is only a little sample. How does this keep happening ?

[@mamaknow8056]

Steven Williams I can relate I am a Mother in a similar situation. I have the mentioned integrity that my ex sees as weakness. It is disheartening to know my child is negatively affected in the bullying regarding other parent. I hurt for my child. Dr Paul, if any way to personally talk with you it is greatly appreciated.

[@soul832006]

I have a difficult situation. My ex was arrested on domestic violence charges and barred from coming into contact with my son and I. My son has disclosed further examples of abuse and mistreatment. We have been separated since last November. She initially declined the offer for a contact center and wanted to send videos to my son. This was upsetting him and he rarely asks about his mum now. He only mentions the abuse when talking about her. He is safe with my parents whilst I work shift work and I now have a loving partner with 2 kids. She is very supportive of my son and we want to live together as a blended family soon. I have chosen an excellent school for my son to start in next year and he is completing his preschool with lots of love and support from my parents. He will be living back with my partner and I full time in a few months. I feel conflicted because I now don't want my son to have contact with his mum because of how it triggers his trauma. So I have requested additional time to consult with his psychologist before making any decisions about supervised contact. She is facing many criminal charges for the extensive abuse of my son and I. Will it work against me if I disagree to the contact on the basis that it triggers his trauma? Will that hurt any custody battle?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Best to have it backed up by a psychologist - that the trauma is triggered by contact with his mom. Hope that makes sense, not just you saying it, but you being supported.

[@tarapotamus]

absolutely 100% on point, and you are very personable. Great video, thank you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks for watching Tara! DrPaul

[@Molzhon93]

My ex-wife has had sole legal and physical custody of my daughter from our divorce a little over two years ago. Since then, one of her new boyfriends drove drunk and crashed the car with my 5 year old in the backseat. She was traumatized and going through therapy. At 5 years old. The other boyfriend turned out to have a history of molestation. Thank God he didn't attempt anything with my daughter. But both men have received restraining orders. Two restraining orders in two years. She simply "didn't know" her new fiance was an alcoholic with a prior DUI and suspended license. I just tried talking to her about getting my daughter for Thanksgiving this year, and she tried saying I can have her for 3 days. This would be my first time seeing her in two years. The mother constantly makes it difficult, and living on opposite sides of the u.s. does not help in the slightest. But her only giving me 3 days and thinking that's fair to our daughter, is the final straw. I need help, severely. Has anyone been through anything similar? Do these situations sound like they could make a good case for me to receive custody? I want my daughter back.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Brandon, thank you for watching, I hope you found something in the video useful. I think the best thing you can do is present any honest and relevant information to a judge for your case. Remember to keep negative or strong emotions out of it - you want the judge to see that you love your daughter and want what's best for her.