Living abroad is NOT ONE SIZE FITS ALL!

There’s this theme I’ve seen among my own subscribers and elsewhere in this living abroad niche. It’s that life abroad is a certain way and that all of us -- expat or immigrant -- in France belong to this homogeneous group made up of people with the same experiences and ideas. It’s just not accurate. Let’s talk about some truths about living abroad in France or anywhere.
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Salut! I'm Diane, an American who has lived in France since 2012 and the creator of the blog/KZbin channel Oui In France. My channel's focus is "Everyday French life and beyond." I make videos on French culture topics, France vs. US culture comparisons, food, travel, language, and give you my thoughts about what it's like living in France as an American in the Loire Valley. Thanks for being here and if you enjoy this sort of thing, please share with friends and subscribe!
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[@MissNCGirl]

I grew up before the internet and social media were part of our daily lives. I've noticed that people will say things to others from their keyboards that they never would have said while facing them. It's a shame.

[@OuiInFrance]

so true, anonymity makes people act in such a weird way sometimes. My rule: If I wouldn't say it to someone's face in their own living room, I won't say it in their comments section.

[@brodee]

Hey! I totally agree with you. I’m French /Australian , grew up in Australia, lived in Asia for a long time and because of Covid I ended up in France. What a blessing though. Living in France is wonderful and super difficult at the same time. I moved here with my American husband and 2 dogs in 2020 for good, .. with little French language skills, it was so challenging . Now, we’ve tried to assimilated as much as possible and we still struggle. We live in a little seaside village in the north of France and we have no choice but to learn the language and adapt. There are so many perks to living in France than other western countries and I know first hand it’s not easy either, but I wouldn’t change it at all.

[@amyspeers8012]

I love my life in France. Do I miss things in the US…YES! It’s not perfect but it’s my life.

[@kadeis8912]

I'm curious ! What do you miss in particular ?

[@hervedupont6955]

@@kadeis8912 Oui mais voilà la curiosité est un vilain défaut😛

[@mgparis]

Good points (comme d'hab :) Diane! Being French, I think there's the same assumption about the so-called American dream... the "anything is possible" mindset, that everything is easier... which, of course, is not necessarily true. Also, some Americans assuming that everyone dreams of living in the US. Personally, having in the US (Boston), I honestly didn't find my experience that different from living in Paris - as you said, working in an office, grocery shopping, paying bills etc. As you put it, there is no right or wrong way to live anywhere!

[@sandrad3346]

Thank you, Diane, for sharing your perspectives of living in France. Great video!

[@OuiInFrance]

You are so welcome! Glad you enjoyed it!

[@MsMamabo]

I think the critical thinking and exploration of all aspects of life in France, looking at both the good and the bad, is one of the most helpful aspects of your channel! We love France and we have been considering moving to France for some years. Now that my husband has retired it’s getting closer to a reality for us. We know though that there are things in France that we absolutely love and there are things that we will find more of a challenge. We’ve just spent a month visiting a couple of the regions that we have been thinking about moving to and just trying to experience the day to day life there, rather than thinking of ourselves as tourists and that was very revealing and helpful. Thanks for all the really interesting and realistic content that you share. We’re going back in the autumn for some more research and you always give us things to think about.

[@branlotin]

You're very right, it's up to everyone to find the place they feel the best at, and it doesn't necessarily mean they find it perfect either. I've met french people who had moved to North America, Canada or USA, and who liked it better there and wouldn't come back except on holidays.

[@stayfocused1041]

So true! I love your genuine way of putting all these social media people with un-lived lives back in their place! I feel exactly the same way as a French living in the US. I love living in the US, but I don't like everything. Food sucks, so does the health care system. When I visit France, I am so happy for the first days, and then, reality sinks in, I know why I left! Last time I went to France for the the funerals of a family member, the French administration drove me completely bonkers. That is just one example. Life abroad is not all roses and peaches. Life , wherever you live, comes with life and death, money issues, isolation, depression, disappointment, betrayal, sickness, and also wonderful people and moments. Social media is responsible for most of these critics and this rudeness coming from anonymous - usually younger people - who have not yet had a real life. Real Life is analogue, lived on the terrain. Digital life is an illusion, sometimes a dangerous one. It is like traveling videos. I have traveled a lot. I see sometimes videos of places I have visited which appear to be so idyllic. The garbage on the beach, the drunk people, the endless traffic, the huge amount of beggars and homeless people, the noisy construction site near the perfect hotel, none of this is mentioned.

[@aliciamehling8719]

I completely agree with your discussion in this video. I have been in France for almost a year after being accepted into an educational program. While I don't regret my decision and am am happy to have the education and opportunities I've received, the "experience" that is sold about living abroad is an unrealistic standard. Living abroad is not a continuous vacation, it's life and it can still be incredibly frustrating.

[@donnabennett4799]

Thank you Thank you Thank you This was truly extraordinary! I appreciate all the time and information you put out.

[@peppertree8244]

Yep, poeple tend to forget that 'wherever you go, there you are' with our every day life as usual. It's ourselves that have to make our lives beautiful and meaningful. ...and, 👍to everything else you said!

[@jeanforest8060]

D'un côté, le Rêve... De l'autre, la Réalité. L'ennui, c'est tout simplement que le Rêve est...irréalisable! Et que rarissimes sont ceux et celles qui acceptent cette évidence. D'où le succès des Disneyland et des films de Hollywood, en somme de ce Neverland imaginaire qui nous empêche de profiter des modestes joies inhérentes à la simple Réalité.🤗

[@yaowsers77]

You are absolutely spot on! The grass is not completely greener on the other side. The other side will have yellow or dead patches just like on this side. It's just in different places😊. And for the love of God, people need to stop judging others. 🙄

[@johnbarelli6561]

Your perspective is very helpful, and not just for people moving to France. Everything you said here applies equally well to our lives here in Sicily, and probably every other country that people move to. My wife and I both watched your videos while we were deciding whether we wanted to try this whole "living abroad" thing in the first place, and later to prepare ourselves for our lives here. So, thank you. 😃

[@savorsalvagescent2300]

Thank you for this! I love your videos. I got some of this « you should » just today and I haven’t even moved to FR yet, I just posted about my travels + recommendations there. I think you ate masterful at balancing what you ‘re grateful for but also the realness of living day to day. So generously, and I thank you! Merci beaucoup.

[@marcbeaufrere3418]

Hello / bonjour. I am French and I would have never have imagined that living in France comes with the pressure of living in the perfect country. I love my country, I have lived and travelled elsewhere, but I couldn't live anywhere else, yet I imagined people would feel the same about their own country. Is it because of some romanticized image of France ?

[@howardwhite9773]

Diane, I believe you are describing parts of what we'll call social illness, a twist on mental illness, by the way that people impose their will on other people. The problems are larger than your 12 minute video or my silly comment. You and I agree that people need to work from a position of kindness.

[@buddyneher9359]

So well-expressed, Diane. In a bit of synchronicity, some of the things you say here echoed an interview I heard today with Susan Cain, author of "Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole." I like that you are tuned in to the wholeness and realness of life, and the importance of compassion for others as well as ourselves. I only wish that the people who shame, dismiss and are rude and insensitive would engage in some self-reflection after watching this video. Thanks for putting it out there.

[@littlegeo1]

I feel like this is a really timely video and topic as there were a few articles circulating recently regarding American expats moving back to the US from popular expat retirement locations such as Portugal. The article seemed to somewhat shame those who made the choice to move abroad without being fully prepared, but as we know life happens and things come up and we cannot know everything all the time. The articles "take" upset me because these people were just trying to live their lives and figure it all out and when they realized it wasn't for them, they're met with an "I told you so" type of attitude.

[@OuiInFrance]

Hi Jenn, yeah I think we can always try to be prepared and do the best for our current situation and then things change. And there's no wrong answer if we then pivot and continue to make the best decision for our circumstances. We can try to predict our future but so much can happen and change our trajectory and I think those who rebound in the right direction are the ones who try to keep an open mind and go-with-the-flow attitude as much as possible. Feel free to link the article by the way. Others may find it really interesting (me as well!)

[@teriwittig2190]

Thank you so much for this! I really needed to hear this right now. We have only lived here in France for a year and we have definitely had our fair share of struggles, including the language barrier. We have been shamed by friends and family for not having what they would consider a perfect life abroad (think the posh downtown Paris life). Not only is that not in our budget but it’s not in most people’s budget lol. Although we do live near the capital, we enjoy a quieter life in a town outside of the city and we love our life here, even with the challenges lol. And just like most, we have a very typical life just like you described. So thank you for being so caring and supporting and reminding me that I really do love my life here and I need to not listen to the naysayers.

[@Simon-zb6fp]

Bonjour Diane - Thank you for another great video. Some humour on KZbin which show some of the cliches I am sure you have come across. Foil Arms and Hog - Getting past French Immigration - also Everyone loves unsolicited advice - the perfect antidote to Not One Size fits all. Hope it makes you smile - Oh yes and the video I love which fits the people in your video - foil arms and Hog video called Gentrification - salut!

[@punditgi]

100% d'accord avec vous, Diane. Brava, signora! 😊

[@thaihm]

Well I’m glad it’s a normal place. I’m looking forward to explore the French/Vietnamese community! Thanks for these videos! 🙏🏼❤️

[@norathefish3338]

Absolument ! En pointe. Merci beaucoup pour votre dialogue et discussion. J'ai habité en France. C'était bien, frustrant, et merveilleux. C'est la vie partout 🌎💚🇨🇵🇺🇸

[@alexkauff]

Remember what our fellow NYer Teddy Roosevelt said about "the critic".

[@michelleglidingswan4334]

Yes. I sort of fell into this total acceptance of what I was hearing on KZbin, specifically van lifers. Now I laugh about it. As if living in a van is a dream come true! I am grateful for those videos though for showing that it is possible to travel a new way, but I no longer identify with the creators. I like cooking, stability, and having a routine. And I do hope to visit France since I am drawn there and can speak French. Thanks for your honesty and down-to-earth approach. Much needed on KZbin.

[@Taldanmus]

You PREACH girl!! 😊

[@beverlyjeursen6311]

Those are cool Francophile shopping bags 😊 haha just started watching your vlogs from 2 years ago and have lots to keep me busy. Love the shopping videos which is what I’ve been going through on your channel. Well done, keep up the good work. I watch youTube instead of local tv ❤

[@irenelacson3636]

Great video. I love your optimism. US is my adopted country and I can relate on this topic.

[@jasonweikert1922]

You are right! Living abroad is not easy. It can be even much more difficult.

[@guyl9456]

Merci de remettre les pendules à l'heure. No country is perfect.

[@deetee9272]

I'm going to tell you everything you should do, so listen carefully! Just kidding! Instead, I am going to make a suggestion for a video: comparing dog culture in France and North America (common breeds, sizes, places where dogs are allowed and not allowed, how common dogs are, etc.) I would find that to be a really interesting video.

[@nevillehollisbrown]

Bonjour ! Drôle de hasard, pendant que je vous écoutais en rentrant chez moi (Paris, 23 h), j’ai vu un type se débraguetter pour pisser contre la façade de mon immeuble. J’ai crié très fort non non non, vous ne pissez pas ici c’est n’importe quoi ! Il a hésité mais il a vu que j’étais en colère et il est parti ! Ça m’a fait repenser à une précédente vidéo de vous ! Bon, à part ça, merci pour cette vidéo, j’approuve !

[@joelroach416]

Well said.

[@wesleyluvsoktoberfest]

Great informative video. Everyone’s expectations and experience is different. Misery loves company so delete those comments from trolls. I’m in agreement with you on the use of “should” or any other parental word. If you have nothing to good to say then say nothing at all. I spend half the time in the US and half the time in Germany. Life is just that…life. It’s what you make of it no matter where you are. You help when you can and move on when can’t. I like to say “life is messy; clean it up. Shaming and bullying is a sign of a miserable, insecure person that has no joy or happiness and despises anyone who does. Loving well is the best revenge. I look forward to your next video as they do resonate personally to my situation. Be safe and well. 🌈☮️

[@Rachel-rs7jn]

I think of the "Well if you don't like it in France, then go home!" comment as akin to saying, "If you don't like your spouse, then divorce them!" if you had even one complaint about your relationship.

[@OuiInFrance]

GREAT analogy! 🙌

[@sherrieshatzen3801]

Thank you for some important points of view. Honestly I sometimes wish you could "treat" the American political system, those who are elected & those who do the electing. All of the issues you discuss about the assumptions people make about people who live abroad are the same things that have created the huge polarity we now live with politically in the US. Being judgmental, especially when are actually ignorant of the reality never produces a good outcome. If only we could be caring enough, patient enough, interested enough, self reflecting enough, kind enough to see each other's struggles & to appreciate whatever contributions someone is making to stop being so certain of everything all of the time. We have to understand that sometimes people cannot change how they are & who they are. What we could all use more of is compassion.

[@bootstrapstylerich]

Do you have any videos on obtaining a French Residency Visa for US-based subscribers? Also, are there any visa services that might assist you in obtaining a long-term visa leading to a residency visa that you might be familiar with?

[@OuiInFrance]

Check out my blog post on visas: www.ouiinfrance.com/french-visa-types/ And also Fabien from www.fabfrenchinsurance.com I've worked with him before and he can point you in the right direction regarding visas, insurance, etc.

[@enriquesanchez2001]

Bonjour, Diane: MANY years ago, probably at your age or older, I dreamed of moving to another country. I thought about the struggles. This is long before the Internet. But - you know - WHAT I HAVE HERE: family, career, security, home, friends, etc. IS MORE valuable to me than anything else. ♥

[@mokonaalabasta4699]

À part le fromage, le vin et le pain, ainsi que la sécurité sociale, c'est de pire en pire avec les années.

[@slumdoggy]

Hello Diane! Hope you’re doing well! Would you be willing to make a video on how blind and visually impaired people are treated in France? I’m ready to novel about this subject. Hope you’re doing well. Cheers: your fan Frank, Leonard Eller.

[@bdwon]

What's up with the earthquake? How widespread is the damage? Any local effects where you are? Are you making a video about it?

[@OuiInFrance]

I'm currently in the US but Tom said he felt the windows shake for about 10 seconds, like a subway passing underneath a building

[@ludovica8221]

These days you kind of arent allowed to express negativity in any form like its treason or something. Many people have difficulty navigating through the bad things in life and would prefer that everyone else keeps all that stuff unexpressed.

[@beatrix2583]

so posting pics of a doctor’s visit or a flat tire will make ppl feel better about their lives? sharing moments of misery just to show that you deal with mundane things? isn’t it obvious? your channel, your content. keep it positive if that’s what you want.. great video btw

[@kimc555]

No but the vast majority of content creators who post about it, have enjoyed their experience enough to make content about it.

[@OuiInFrance]

For sure, and that visibility can give the general public a skewed impression that everyone in France has a certain type of life or loves it

[@kimc555]

@@OuiInFrance agreed. As well ppl posting on forums - esp Reddit - you need to sort of take responses with a grain of salt. More ppl following and respond who are not expats.

[@ysbel]

I’m surprised that you are seeing so many who idolize life in France. I’m seeing the opposite. I’ve even heard people say “France would be great without the French” several times. Even a French woman I’m acquainted with came from a holiday saying everyone turned really nasty towards her as soon as they found out she was from France. I’ve found a few who are positive towards life in France and are working towards that goal with their language learning and other things but they are definitely in the minority.

[@ybreton6593]

I am French ! France is a country like any other, the grass is not greener in my country than in the rest of the world. I will disappoint you but: France is inhabited by 68 million French people. just as great britain the inhabitants are british pity for them . or the USA by the Americans. it is true that vis-a-vis the British and the betrayal of their professional army, their hasty departures during the evacuation of Dunkirk after ten days of fighting in May and June 1940 left anger, bitterness and the resentment among the French soldiers who fought 1 against 7 which resulted in the deaths of 94,000 French soldiers 77,000 Germans and just 4,700 British I am a post-war child and I was brought up to hate the English . when in the United States we are very mixed. personally, being a former ship commander, I had big problems in Galveston because the loading plan had not been respected by the Texan personnel responsible for loading, which would have resulted in the loss of the ship and the death of the entire crew. . I got called an asshole and shitty French. when they had to start all over again. in Texas I never found anyone positive. now that you don't like the French. when it comes to spoken languages, most French people speak several languages. personally I speak: French German, Spanish, and English by professional obligations. it is often happen in the USA to speak more often Spanish than English

[@acbc3543]

You give too much attention to people . I don’t think I live abtajd anymore since I became a naturalized citizen in Austin Texas . I feel home here and where I was born I now consider it abroad .

[@dmphotography.prints]

Désolé d'entendre parler de votre chien 🐕‍🦺