Living w/ Borderline Personality Disorder...Finally Opening Up

My story with BPD, self harm and more. Thank you guys for giving me a safe space to talk about this. On Monday, May 3rd, Bloom will be donating 5% of all sales made to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. We're excited to be making a difference as a community!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255
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Instagram: @marillewellyn
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Editor: Abby Locker
/ abbytheanimator

[@erinpeterson1042]

I am a DBT therapist and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this video! You are normalizing and destigmatizing this diagnosis and discussions of mental health. Beaitiful work!

[@PursuitOfWellnessPodcast]

🥺💕🙏🏻

[@Jayev110]

@Erin Peterson how can I get help from you or someone else in your profession? I also struggle with bpd

[@altafmalik2843]

Is this disorder a mental illness or its just a personality disorder?

[@elleirenex3]

@@altafmalik2843 personality disorders are mental illness

[@keithbennett9262]

@@altafmalik2843 bpd is brain damage. If you look up 'bpd brain abnormalities mri scans ' you will see from various good studies that many parts of the brain have been affected, usually in childhood. Most drs still believe that it's psychological and family, friends and society have been duped into believing the bpd person isn't trying hard enough or its their fault if any treatment doesn't work. Mental and sexual abuse as a child is devastating. Most diagnoses are done over the age of 16, (mostly 18). The diagnosis process radically needs to change. Maybe mri scans of the brain at 10 years old could identify problems and help to diminish lifelong severe problems. Very complicated but 99% don't get any treatment. 10% of bpd folk alive now will kill themselves.

[@imagismus]

Another bpd girl here. "my upset was different to theirs, like I felt like my world was ending" is the sentence that sums it up for me. It has been like that for me. For years. I keep hearing "it's not the end of the world!" or "that's just a minor inconvenience!", when for me everything feels **amplified**. You got me crying throughout the video. I see myself in many of the stories you're telling in this video. Thank you for sharing :)

[@jaimie8689]

I was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago. I have had many ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. I am a rocket engineer with a wonderful husband and 2 healthy bright little kids. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏🏻

[@jaehoyt2834]

Heck yeah!!!

[@johazelisvelezagosto4074]

Amazing!!!!!

[@zz-ic6vy]

Can i ask how you manage your mental health? Medicine, therapy? I was diagnosed 6months ago and i got meds that were working for me but i had very bad setback and now i feel just devastated. I had huge stress for couple months and my meds stopped working. Now i taking break off everything and trying to figure out what to do now.

[@amandarebecca1456]

As someone who suffers from bpd, I can imagine how freaking hard it must have been to speak about your experience on such an intimate level as those with bpd would prefer to suffer in the shadows. But the message is clear: it is possible for anyone suffering from mental illness to have a beautiful and full life. It is within reach so don't ever give up and make sure to use all the community resources possible in the fight. 💙

[@brooklyn1823]

I haven’t worked out in months because of my depression but after watching this you’ve really motivated me to wake up tomorrow and just get back into it, for myself and my mental health 💗

[@kellyturner4571]

You can do it 👏🏻

[@lulukallinen3057]

Hope you are better now ❤️

[@maegantomasello2488]

Mari - thank you. Thank you. I am a music therapist working in a mental health hospital and I have struggled with my own trauma and mental illness since I was in middle school. It’s time we talk about this as a society and stop sweeping it under the rug. I’m so happy you are a part of my life and fitness journey 💕

[@heathercarthy6699]

This made me really emotional. Felt like I was having a deep conversation with a friend. Thank you for your vulnerability. It resonates more than you know. 🧡

[@danielagamboa7730]

Mari, thank you for always ALWAYS advocating for mental illnesses. You are such an inspiration!! 🤍🤍🤍

[@PursuitOfWellnessPodcast]

Thank you for the encouragement love - always will!!! 💖

[@scottbishop1572]

On my husband's account but thank you. Just figuring this out about myself after living with these symptoms for 35 years😢

[@catherines6280]

Mari, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for discussing your life and journey of living with BPD. I lost my best friend to suicide in 2019 who was diagnosed with BPD shortly before, and I never truly understood the severe effects it has on a person. Living with anxiety and depression myself, I will continue to teach and educate others about the importance of mental health and taking care of yourself!

[@PursuitOfWellnessPodcast]

I’m so sorry to hear girl. Thinking of you and sending so much love

[@francelove2012]

What a brave woman this woman is. I'm just blown away. This video can help so many people,. Borderline is so stigmatized and misunderstood and to see someone share their inspiring journey so honestly and helpfully is just a tremendous gift to those who suffer with BPD and there loved ones. I am also amazed at the devotion and kindness of her partner That what real partnership is about.

[@teamusic3964]

I HAVE SAID THIS A MILLION TIMES AND I WILL KEEP SAYING IT, EVERYONE DESERVES A PARTNER LIKE GREG OMG *UGLY CRY* MARI YOU ARE AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. LOVE YOU.

[@nataliereece635]

Thank you for sharing your story and working towards dismantling the stigma around mental illness ❤️ I would love to hear from Greg’s perspective what it’s like supporting someone with bpd, if he’s willing to share. So grateful for you!

[@mirandarobles5739]

I thought the same thing! They’ve been together through it all, it would be cool to hear his perspective and tips for supporting someone with a mental illness.

[@d26s10]

Agree... the maturity and love Greg had to stick by Mari throughout her worst moments is commendable. Especially whilst still being a teenager. I’m so inspired by their daily reality now compared to the harsh times Mari discussed. Amazing.

[@karensnailstudio7171]

Thank you SO much for this video. I’m 46 & was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago. I’ve always struggled, people don’t understand how painful it is. This was perfect timing ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@jessicamould1579]

Mari- as an RN working in NYC during this COVID19 global pandemic I have seen such a dramatic increase in mental health conditions. Thank you for having the courage to use your platform to shine light on the importance of mental health and encouraging people to seek help when needed! Thank you for opening up and inspiring others to do the same.

[@sjaylind]

This video was so incredibly articulated. I’ve never seen something so raw & real on this platform. When you started to tear up, so did I! It’s incredible how you talked about wanting to be a strong person without even realizing just how strong you have always been especially for pulling yourself out of your mental illness & facing it head-on. I’ve struggled with anxiety & my weight for years but you personally helped me lose over 55lbs over a year ago & I’ve become obsessed with fitness ever since & you don’t even know me. You changed my life so I can only imagine the number of people you’ve inspired & impacted just with your openness about your illness alone. The world needs more people like you.. & Greg❤️ I’m so happy you’re here. Thank you for sharing your story & helping others feel more open about sharing theirs 🙌🏻

[@_thekidsnextdoor]

Can I just say I freakin love you! My mom died after committing suicide in 2011 after we got in a fight. I struggle with my mental health and exercise had changed me and is MY a therapy, thank you for your honesty

[@tessapfeifer2087]

hello im kinda in he same situation as you, do you have any advice or help with a bdp person who lost my DAD in 2011 on his way to pick me up it was a fatal head on accident

[@sophineo]

@@tessapfeifer2087 hey girlie I know u commented this awhile ago but I hope you're doing well, I've gone through similar and what helped me get through it is leaning on others, therapy, and reminding myself that it wasn't my fault. Take your time to grieve ❤

[@morgansvlogs]

you’re the best and it’s so inspiring to see where you are today ❤️ love you sista

[@PursuitOfWellnessPodcast]

Much love for you sis

[@christinaolds7501]

Your brave journey is SUCH a testament to the power of love, belief in self-worth, getting off of the toxic influence of sugar and alcohol, eating pure foods and returning your body to the healthy and active way we evolved to be thousands of years ago. I have begun to think of the food industry as criminals in their pursuit of wealth over compassion and correct advertising. Think about it. There's no money to be made in advertising broccoli or apples because there's no middle man to make the profits all the way from harvest through processing through packaging and being out onto supermarket shelves!!! Mari, you and Greg are helping thousands discover, or rediscover, their true inner beings. Kudos to him for seeing and loving the beautiful girl shining in the darkness and helping you through this journey. Now you are paying all that love and support forward. Thank you!

[@mystic_dewdrops]

My youtube must be worried about my mental health because ive been getting bpd notifs all week (i have bpd and add). Thank you for sharing your story 💖 bpd is hard but you’re amazing and im so proud of your honesty! Mental illness doesn’t mean we can’t be successful 💖

[@PursuitOfWellnessPodcast]

Facts girl!!!

[@staci1652]

Thank you! I'm a therapist and have been working with a young woman w/ bpd who has been wanting to find more bpd psychoeducation.. I think she will find this video helpful and relatable!

[@j.aimebb]

Fitness has done wonders for my BPD, it’s basically my new medication. Your experiences and videos are so inspiring ❤️

[@shannasharp8917]

I’m sitting here crying right now because I always thought there was no way I could change. Thanks so much for this video!

[@marjolaineghaby7838]

You’re so real! Thank you for sharing! I can listen to you all day!

[@N2147B]

You hit the spot for me. Thank you! You don’t know how much I needed this.

[@rachelancar]

Needed this today, thank you SO much for this video and for sharing your story 💖 So proud of you!

[@elizabethwebb3605]

You've come so far! And we are so proud of you and your voice! thank you!!

[@alishasuz]

Thank you so much for posting this video- mental health is so important. You’re so inspiring!

[@alenaportnoy13]

Such a great watch, thank you for sharing and congrats on everything you have accomplished!!

[@daisygurrusquieta8519]

Wow, you’re so inspiring!! Thank you so much for sharing, thank you so much for having the courage to share your story! ♥️♥️

[@amberladkin1578]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was recently diagnosed a couple months ago and it’s definitely hard. You have been an absolute inspiration from the start!

[@ashleyboyd669]

Ya got me choked up girl ❤️ thank you for being so open. My story is super similar. I feel so much less alone in this battle to get better

[@whitneymorgan1921]

You're truly an inspiration in so many ways. Thanks for opening up to us!

[@sandra2153]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I can’t imagine how hard it was. You’re so inspiring! Thank you ♥️

[@ElizabethDaileyxo]

Been here since the beginning girl 💕💗 your glowing!! I’m happy for you! Keep flourishing beautiful 🙏🏼

[@nkellermann4]

I’m so incredibly proud of you for sharing and being so vulnerable with us 💕 and you are a freaking badass for persevering and thriving! Thank you for always being so open about mental health. Much love ❤️

[@TheAmazinRaven]

Thank you for sharing this. You describing the pain from the emotions was spot on. It literally feels like your heart wants to rip itself out of your chest.

[@m.e.g.1884]

Literally in tears rn 😭❤️ that really moved me. You are just so wonderful Mari. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it will help many people. I am in awe of how strong you are. ❤️ Love you!!

[@katieviyouh7875]

Thank you queen for being so real and sharing your story! 💓

[@brennabaldaro6024]

Love this video so much Mari! rooting for you everyday! You truly are such a positive inspiration to us all especially to those who are struggling and don't know where to start so thanks for sharing! Love you girl

[@madicampbell5401]

I am so proud of how far you've come. You are an inspiration to all of us! I love you Mari

[@MichelleS_Solomon]

I'm so happy for you! Thank you for sharing this. It is so encouraging. I started a fitness journey do better my mental health and health in general. I wish you continued strength and joy!

[@ChubbyPuffin]

Thanks so much for sharing this ❤️ It’s hard but it’s impactful for others to hear and just see others journeys. Thank you.

[@christinehogan1556]

I absolutely love you Mari!! You are a role model for so many people!!

[@barrigh6673]

So real and honest of you, the way all mental health discussions should be. Thanks as always for shining your light! Much love. 💗

[@alyssak112]

This video is amazing!!!!! I appreciate you being so honest and vulnerable. You are really inspirational and the message at the end was beautiful. So happy to support you and you’ve changed a lot of lives thank you for everything and this video!

[@michaelapope2539]

SO thankful you took the time and courage to film this. It makes us relate to you so much. We love you!!!

[@ash.design]

Beautiful. I relate to your story so much

[@elakxo]

Mari that's is so important you did this step. Telling your story. 💓 sending lots of love and hugs.

[@isabellegermano4164]

Thank you so much for sharing - your openness is helping so many people!

[@Ngrios]

Mari, much love to you. So glad you decided to share this with us. Stay strong ❤️❤️

[@morgankirby655]

Thank you for being so open and honest!! Fitness has also changed my life and improved my mental health. You are so brave for sharing your personal struggles and I hope so many people watch this to see that they can change their lives as well 💕💕

[@8minsclub]

Sending you so much love just for showing up ❤️

[@Spookyt0ast]

Thank you for sharing your struggles... definitely makes people who deal with mental illness like me feel less alone. You are so strong and I feel inspired! Love you Mari ❤️

[@lisashea532]

thank you so much for posting this video. It was so helpful to watch, I really related to a lot of what you talked about. You're amazing!

[@sineadcawley7962]

Thank you so much for sharing, Mari. It was truly moving listening to you. You are so strong and a huge inspiration 💚

[@mirandarobles5739]

You are so brave and strong! Thank you for using your platform to help others and spread awareness for mental health. It is everything. XO Mari keep fighting

[@halamazayen2804]

Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear how much my fitness journey is changing me from the inside, which is the most important. Wishing you all the happiness you wish for 🤗

[@samarabernstein5386]

Thank you for sharing this and doing so in a way that humanizes such a stigmatized disorder. You have come so far and you are so strong

[@jaimib.4368]

I couldn’t love this video more or thank you enough for making it. I needed this so much. 💗

[@Marissatro1773]

I am so happy that you are talking more about this. You really are my inspiration/role model!

[@ashlieyoung2264]

I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing this story. I am so happy you found a way to be happy and use this as a driver for you. I wish you so much happiness.

[@Bookishreststop]

Thank you for sharing your story! You’re such an inspiration! When you mentioned that you weight train to be stronger on the inside - I felt that! That’s why I’ve been weight training for about 5 years. It’s been so hard to not have the gym for a year but your summer slay home program is helping me immensely!

[@paigewellness]

Have been watching your nutrition videos but this has helped me and opened up my mind tremendously. So happy you have overcome sooooo many trials!! You’re an inspiration for many, myself included!!

[@kristytriggs7271]

So glad things are better thanks for sharing you are a strong lady !! I’m sure you are helping so many good job at being so honest

[@deniserobinson5619]

Mari, Thank you so much. I’ve suffered my entire like with anxiety and depression. This video has given me HOPE. Thank you!! God bless you.

[@nikkivuk]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so proud of you, truly inspirational and I can see you in a different light now knowing more about your past and struggles that have brought you to the amazing person you are today.

[@Taysteady]

Thank you for this Mari, you have no idea what this means to me that you shared your story ❤️

[@madelinesumma]

Love you. I look forward to your insta stories and videos every day. Ultimate mind/body/health goals ❤️

[@rjmetals]

Thank you with tears. I really needed to hear this. One foot in front of the other… this is an endless journey

[@Cooper3Rae]

thank you for sharing and bringing an understanding to the diagnosis of bpd. it's so important for people, especially those suffering with mental illness, to know they aren't alone. you and your story are such an inspiration 💚

[@mackenziepieper838]

Thank you for sharing and being such a bright light in this world! Your story is very moving and brings a very unique perspective to mental health that no one feels comfortable speaking about. You are so strong - inside & out!!

[@amandascolor679]

Your journey is super encouraging and I appreciate your honesty. Thank you!❤️

[@jaclynberosik5547]

This video is so inspiring. Thank you for talking about this subject and thank you for sharing your story. This really is helpful to listen to to know that you are not alone and that other people go through things that you go through! I love that mental health issues are being addressed and awareness is so important

[@sarahb2719]

your level of introspection is amazing! It's so wonderful how open and authentic you are and are able to be so vulnerable with strangers. You are one inspiring lady (:

[@kayboatafloat]

Mari, thank you for sharing this incredibly personal and difficult story with the world. These conversations are so so important and seeing someone at your level of success and influence come out and not gloss over the facts is just incredible. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to be so vulnerable with strangers and fans on the internet. What’s even more impressive is realizing that you are not only putting yourself out there but also volunteering to take feedback from anyone watching this (and leaving the comments open) which could affect your own mental health shows what a phenomenally caring person you are and how dedicated you are to helping your followers to improve their own lives. I’ve been a supporter for years and will continue to be one and I hope others feel the same! You are truly an inspiration!

[@AnaBanana96]

You are one of my biggest inspirations, if not the biggest. Thank you for always being so open, honest, authentic, and genuine.

[@meganronaldson2663]

Thank you for sharing your journey and about your mental health. I have struggled with ED and depression since I was 9 and when I discovered your page 3 years ago it really helped to hear all about your experiences. Thank you so much for your honesty ❤️

[@alishellabarger8534]

Thank you thank you thank you for sharing such a personal journey. This will genuinely help so many people 🤍

[@jenbeard6169]

Thank you for being such an incredible BPD advocate and inspiring us all! Your honesty and vulnerability takes serious strength/courage. Sending you love ❤️

[@destineerodriguez1721]

Mari, this brought me to tears. i suffer from almost all the same things you mentioned you suffer from and ive been diagnosed with just severe depression and anxiety but i think there is something deeper going on. you are such an inspiration to me and i truly look up to you. you are amazing ❤️💖

[@francescapanarelli]

This is absolutely amazing. Your honesty is so valued and important. Proud of you!!

[@danicalangaynor3840]

Thank you SO much for posting this! I just watched one of your other videos where you touched on having a mood disorder and I had a feeling it might be bpd and was hoping I'd find a video where you shared about it. I'm so happy I found this video!! Your early story sounds a lot like mine, which is so sad but I am grateful to see how far you have come and it gives me hope and strength! You are soooo strong and brave and beautiful!!

[@savannavidal7740]

So elegantly articulated & raw. Thank you for sharing 💕

[@abbysarah6011]

Mari! Seriously amazing. What an amazing thing you are doing for individuals with BPD. For anyone with a mental health diagnosis. Thank you for doing this work. You are a BOSS!! Keep killing it.

[@JasmineRaeHome]

So pure, love your heart and your transparency!! You are a beautiful human and I’m so thankful for you life and your determination it is so encouraging. I look forward to your videos so much! 🤍🤍🙌🏽blessing Mari!

[@taracmonroe]

Thank you for helping to fight the stigma and promote fitness for mental health. It is so needed. You’re an inspiration.

[@tashab3223]

This was incredible Mari! So well spoken and delivered 💗

[@PaulaGarcia-mr7kj]

thank you for posting this and opening up. I feel like I relate to you a lot in that i’m on my fitness journey and came from a similar start as you. I feel like because of my routines and things I do, I don’t come off as someone who is dealing with the lows that come with BPD, but it’s definitely real. thank you for the comfort

[@angelescastillo8010]

Great video Mari!! I really appreciate it, I just started my fitness journey, I have always been struggling with my weight and the way I feel towards myself. Thank you for this video and for sharing your story!!! I admire you not just for how you look and the influence you give to us your followers but also for how real and down to earth you are!! Keep thriving ...❤️👊🏻

[@kallivoelker3759]

Thank you so much for posting this! It is definitely hard to talk about any mental health journey but you are making an impact in the most positive way. Fitness is definitely an awesome tool for externally shaping but it's good to recognize that you have to still work on the inside too.

[@emilyjarratt88]

THANK YOU for your raw honesty and for putting yourself out there and sharing a piece of you with the world. 💙 I appreciate you and I appreciate you sharing your story, there is so much I can identify with relating to my own mental health struggles and journey.

[@dionnebryan82]

Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I agree that having experienced great lows makes you more of an all round person and more open minded. At the age of 38 I can truly say I have only started to truly feel in touch with myself over the last maybe 4 years. You outlook on your mental health and how it relates to your life is inspiring x

[@francinedake2673]

I am so glad you shared your journey with BPD. My sister has been struggling with this illness for many, many years and you have helped me understand her better. We struggle in our relationship but I will never give up on her or stop loving her. Thank you.

[@lisanewell4090]

Thank you so very much for reminding me I'm not alone. This is hard I've been beyond going through a rough patch, as you say. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story. I could feel your honesty.

[@carla6071]

❤️❤️ 🥺 omg Mari, this video is so deep and honest. Thanks for being open with this sort of topic. You’re full of light and you deserve absolutely the best in life ❤️ Hope you have a great week 🧡

[@jaz6849]

Thank you so much for this video. I have been experiencing similar symptoms for years and just recently received a diagnosis. I have been following you for a long time, but I never knew your story when it came to mental health. It gives me hope that someday I could live my own successful life and be here to tell my story. Keep doing what you have been doing it's so inspiring, especially to someone like me, someone who is just starting to try and change their life. sending lots of love

[@stephaniel.davies8485]

Thank you for sharing this and for being so raw and personal about your experiences. This makes all the difference and is why you’re a true inspiration .

[@jensennb]

Thank you so so much for sharing your story!💙 Awareness is so important. Personally I struggle with anxiety and depression, and it really is a battle some days. But you are so right, every day you just have to keep fighting. So proud of you for sharing! And this community is so proud of you!! 🥰

[@gabrielavila265]

I am so proud of you and how strong you are for sharing this. It is not easy to talk about this and really appreciate it. I am here for you if you ever need a shoulder.