Living with Misophonia (Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome)

[@windyventure]

Hello wonderful misophonia-enthusiasts! I wanted to provide an update before I make a new KZbin video on the topic - I am participating in a study for misophonia through Duke University. If you want to help their cause I'd encourage you to reach out to them. I just completed my first study and it was a doozy but I'm glad I did it! Findings will not be reported for some time but I'll be sure to update all over my social medias. If you are interested, please turn on KZbin notifications and follow me on IG, discord, and Twitch - spreading misophonia awareness is super important to me and I do try to talk about it often! Anywho... thanks for keeping the comments so uplifting and honest.

[@jake2772]

I just watched your video, misophonia is the worst! I’m 32 and I’ve been dealing with this for over 20 years. I’d love to learn more about the study! Hope you’re doing well 🙏🏼

[@carinamuller1773]

Thanks for making this video! I can relate with you on almost everything, and its wonderful to know I am not the only one! Sounds-mostly mouth sounds triggers me intensely. I have also adopted your ear plugging method at the table... 😁

[@miloskostic5963]

whether the cause of this disease is stress and trauma

[@amiera1233]

One of the hardest parts of misophonia is the fact that no one around you seems to care since they don’t understand it’s real and not personal. In fact, my (ex) therapist laughed when I told her about it! It’s something very personal to me so I balled my eyes out of course. It’s interesting that you react with anger by the way. I react with intense sadness and sometimes anger. When my misophonia first started I was triggered by myself making the sound and I hated myself for it. There was also no exceptions for my trigger unfortunately. Whether it was on purpose or loud or soft or made by one person or the other I was always triggered.

[@windyventure]

PrincessA thank you so much for sharing!

[@ameliaross6290]

That is soooo relatable you can talk to me anytime it sucks sooo much just know people love you and can relate!!!!

[@josephinealdana3038]

Yeesssss omfg

[@kathrynh685]

Same my therapist tried to diagnose me with ADHD.

[@erininabottle377]

I can relate so much

[@angiewinchester3384]

The worst thing about misophonia is that when I get triggered I wanna murder the people that caused me pain and then I feel bad for even thinking about it..

[@auroradeister9314]

SAMEEE but I can’t help it!! It’s so much worse because it’s usually people I love but all I can’t think about is making them stop 😭

[@chrysalism7375]

same but not murder them...i just kinda want to hurt them in the same way they are hurting me in the moment

[@auroradeister9314]

@@chrysalism7375 exactly

[@_maddie_makes_music]

Yeah like I just want to jump on my brother and keep hitting him but obviously I still have like self restraint so I dont but I feel bad about it..

[@chrysalism7375]

@@LaurennM360 I'm glad you're seeking therapy, I am also. It is a fight or flight response so you resonate more with the flight part whereas I am the fight one lol. This crap kinda sucks though.

[@faith8073]

I HAVENT RELATED TO ANYTHING MORE!!! misophonia needs more awareness!!!

[@ActionMediaProductions]

Faith Not to hijack this thread (but you asked) because she did an excellent job, but I directed a documentary called Quiet Please, the trailer is on KZbin. Film will Be on Amazon in a few days.

[@user-jj1up9oe5u]

Yes speech

[@auroradeister9314]

Yess it really does it’s soo soo awful and really affects your life so much

[@Crazyreviewer123]

I couldn't agree more. Over the years I'm noticing its getting much worse and brutal the more I try to fight to stay calm and relaxed when I hear my trigger sounds but it doesn't work im now at a point where if I go deaf I wouldn't be too upset about it. I really hope Misophonia will be taken more seriously and a future treatment can be found for me and everyone else. I'd try be first in line if that happens

[@paulinabarragan8560]

When you talked about your dad being your first trigger, oh my god, I relate to that so much. I love my dad so much but his chewing makes me want to punch him in the jaw. Its absolutely terrible and the worst thing is no one believing you. Thank You for bringing awareness!!

[@richard200923322]

Paulina Barragan omg I’m like that with my mom, I love her so much I would never do anything to her but her chewing drives me mad angry 😤.

[@kathrynh685]

My brother makes me so mad!!!!!!!! He hums and clicks and hums and clicks and it makes me want to pull his hair out and beat him up! (Of course I don’t)

[@primemover1930]

My father's jaw cracks when he eats. It was excruciating to listen to.

[@naomichan4885]

My dad's chewing and my mom's whistling get me 🤦

[@gbrlnxbq2330]

My dad's breathing/chewing and my mom singing lightly!!

[@ashleydane3606]

I cried watching this. I'm 30 years old and have struggled my whole life. I've even lost friends because of misophonia. I get angry. My heart races, my face gets red, I have to walk away.

[@Sharkbayy]

I rlly thought i was the only one who felt this way. Ive been having it since i was 12/13 y/o and im 20 now. Im still in therapy hoping my trauma therapy will help😅its rlly impossible to live like this tbh- i cant do anything anymore and so much annoys me

[@bananas2897]

Im so sorry to hear about that, everyone deserves understanding! My partner has this and im trying to do all i can to learn about it, would u be able to tell me if there is anything i can do to make sure i can always be kind and empathetic?

[@amiera1233]

If your friends are trying to trigger you they aren’t real friend. All my friends were understanding, whether they tried to avoid the sound or not.

[@bon3broth]

PrincessA ikr! I told my friend that I hate the sound of chewing before I knew I had misophonia,,, afterwards we had pop-corn and her and her 8 year old sister started chewing in my ear. After finishing the pop-corn,, I excused myself and went to their up-stairs bathroom and balled my eyes out. Misophonia is not fun and shouldn’t be made fun of.

[@blackout9764]

Hard fax

[@kindaakaii867]

Yeah I told my friend who was younger and of course he took his sandwich and ate it in my ear :/

[@auroradeister9314]

Ugh I had a friend who used to trigger me on purpose after I let her know and I just had to stop talking to her because she just didn’t get that it hurt so much

[@kindaakaii867]

@@auroradeister9314 saaame

[@primemover1930]

I wonder if purring cats has a reverse misophonia effect. Purring cats is extremely relaxing to me.

[@im_Spade_]

"reverse misophonia" aka ASMR lol

[@siennaskye_journey]

Same. I have reallyyyy bad Misophonia, but cat purrs are sooo calming

[@scar4520]

same!! I can not stand the sound of people chewing but the sound of my dogs chewing is very relaxing to me.

[@CarynCaldwell]

When I was a teenager we had the sweetest cat who would purr and purr. My bedroom was right over the family room, and my parents watched TV every night while I was trying to sleep. I would lie on my side and bury one ear in a pillow, then coax my cat onto my other ear and get him to purr until I fell asleep. It helped so much.

[@rebeccagittens4946]

Same! Rain for me is also super soothing

[@DivineVibrations9]

12:30!!! Snoring, loud chewing, gulping, heavy breathing, coughing repeatedly, throat clearing repeatedly, sniffing repeatedly are all my triggers. My family trigger me the most. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 12, I’m now 22, and it’s not getting any better. I agree with everything you said. I wouldn’t say it’s mild either.

[@Jordan-yo6jy]

EXACTLY the same except been dealing with it since I was 10 and am now 13

[@marg5863]

I had a trigger of my brother beatboxing and itching

[@leximarie4240]

Margaret Harder I hate when people make beatboxing noises, as well as people kissing, it triggers me a lot

[@SuperSmarticles777]

Wow that’s exactly how I am. Am 22 been dealing with it since the same age. The guilt and frustration is unreal, and school can be unbearable. Yawning triggers me also.

[@dariofabbricatore6008]

about the same

[@theamazingpou]

Honestly my cat helps me so much with my misophonia. She just plops right nexts to me and starts purring. It makes me happy and calms me down.

[@windyventure]

Deku’s Shoes yes! That’s an amazing solution I love it

[@MindOverSin]

Me too it’s so soothinggg

[@melissabussone4609]

@@MindOverSin same! I miss my ex-boyfriend's cat Hazel! She could somehow tell when I was being triggered and having bad anxiety! Hazel would run over to me jump into my arms and start purring really loud and kneading me! Just holding her helped with my anxiety! ❤

[@daraveiga8896]

Im in tears. I have this and its very serious because I almost always drop in tears. When i bring this tô someone, they Will always be very angry at me. I wished i never be born because my sensibilite to sounds affects my family and friends. Everyone says that my problem affects their freedoom of making The noise. I tried so many terapies but anyone worked. My mom says i like having this problem. But I wished so much i was normal. Be strong. Thanks for your braveness of bringing this up. Kisses from Brasil 🇧🇷

[@sabasameer9650]

Don't worry dear... Everything will be fine... I would recommend consult a counselor.. 😊

[@Sirke34]

I find it being taken in better, when I explain that this is all in my head and my problem, so that the person triggering me doesn't feel like they have done something wrong. If they want the best for you, they will try to find a solution to not trigger you.

[@lexlawson]

Find a way Dara, it’s the only way to survive. I eat with music at all mealtimes (when possible) even headphones. My partner and son are super nice people but have no idea the agony this causes me. This problem has caused breakdowns in several relationships, avoidance of trigger situations and an everlasting struggle for peace and quiet in my head. Good luck to all those Misophobians out there x

[@malakdourra]

dara veiga my exact situation

[@autentyk5735]

I'm sorry you've suffered so much. Have you thought of moving somewhere silent?

[@marinadeller]

I have never related to a video more, thank you so much for making this! When I was about 14 I started to get SUPER anxious and angry (to the point of tears and outbursts) when I heard people eat. It’s never gone away and a lot of my ‘tactics’ are similar to you! I eat with other people because I can deal with my own chewing... I put headphones in even without music on... etc. This is something I’m embarrassed to talk about but this video has definitely comforted me. I hope I can make a similar vid at some point soon!!

[@marinadeller]

Also I’m so sorry your family/friends haven’t always been supportive :-( I haven’t really told my friends so I’m not sure about that.. but if it’s any comfort, my siblings and my partner can be SO kind about it. People who care and understand will be in your life, I’m sure of it xx

[@Thebogeyman_666]

Same. I'm afraid people are going to use it against me. My family takes it as joke and gets annoyed and frustrated because they think im just over reacting. I got mines when I was 11. Happy to know I'm not alone!

[@impala679]

I honestly have it so bad that if i could go deaf I WOULD!

[@kimmetje8091]

Seek a good therapist immediately! I once had it as bad as you, but after already a few sessions it became a lot better! I used to always be out of class (I can’t stand the sound of paper) but right now (2 years later) I can sit in all classes comfortably. Of course you still get outbursts sometimes, but those aren’t as bad. I hope this helps❤️ Tip: noise canceling headphones are amazing!!! I can now comfortably go in a plane without always closing my ears😊

[@barnabyjjones2348]

Omg same I would rather become deaf than live with this stupid thing

[@cutwater1965]

I have had that sentiment.. omg.

[@ไมค์ฮิกส์]

Same. Wish I would go deaf sometimes for sure

[@gabbybatelli4952]

SAME! my grandpa is deaf and sometimes i wish i was too

[@magicchirp1714]

I'm so sick of this disorder that sometimes I wish I were deaf instead

[@colleencatalano3547]

Me too!!

[@tannar4607]

omg same

[@cortneyfouse3734]

OMG....ME TOO!

[@amiera1233]

Something that helps is white noise. You can still hear people talking but don’t hear soft sounds.

[@gracemccloskey4500]

I put earbuds in and sometimes I can still hear the trigger sound, it’s the most frustrating thing

[@pinklilyz420]

@@gracemccloskey4500 I too use earplugs and they help for the most part. I'll still hear some sounds but i then turn on my oven fan which creates a white noise i can handle and drowns it out even more. I try to find noises i can take that will drowned out noises i can not handle. It's helps alot. Sucks pretty much living in earplugs but its better then having a mental breakdown.

[@katelynf4927]

I actually feel more calm knowing about this, certain sounds make me so ANGRY, to the point where I want to cry even. Other ones make me panicy and almost like my skin crawl and i'm uncomfortable and want to cry and run away

[@carinamuller1773]

I can sooooo relate! Skin crawling and anger! I feel violated when I am subjected to these sounds. When I was younger I would want to throw my plate at the wall as hard as I could.

[@elobolove]

I can’t thank you enough... I’m pretty much about to burst into tears right now. My poor sweet 12 year old daughter has developed this over the last year and it’s affecting our family in a big way. Thank you ❤️

[@_maddie_makes_music]

Aw your such a good mom.

[@extofer]

Thank you for making this video! I’m a lifelong sufferer of the condition. My triggers are usually anything that has to do with the mouth - chewing, smacking, chomping, breathing, etc. Every night I wear earplugs so I can’t hear my partner breathe. I wear earplugs at he movie theater and wear headphones if I’m at a cafe. I just can’t deal with it. I will say that I found out I’m near a research program for misophonia and I just volunteered to aid with it. I figure if there’s no cure, maybe I can be a part of the research that leads to one.

[@myknowledgespiral]

also I would love to hear about what research you are getting involved in!

[@richhomiekdweezy3237]

I feel you you gave me the answers my therapist looked at me like I was crazy

[@tokyotrashbby]

YESSSS

[@amayalewis6933]

People making noises that trigger me on purpose impacts me, and I completely lash out.

[@freyawormald5573]

I wear headphones ALL THE TIME, even while I'm sleeping, I only take them off to shower and even then it makes me really anxious to take them off. Like you said, sometimes I don't even have any sound coming through but I just feel the need to always have my headphones on. Haven't eaten with my family in 3 years and watching TV is really stressful because of eating scenes like around the table. I am very lucky to have a great group of friends that always take it into consideration but it is only my immediate family and friends that really get it. School life is awful because everyone pushes it to the limit even after I'm begging them to stop they just laugh and add in an extra piece of gum or pull out a pack of crisps. It makes me really angry at how people don't understand and the frustration of having to explain makes me tear up while writing this. Sorry for the long rant but nothing can describe the feelings that come with misophonia and how much it impacts someone's life

[@kleetus88]

I have been dealing with misophonia since I was a young child. I am 48 now, but it was only until youtube came along that I knew that others were suffering with this as well. People need to realize that we really do suffer from this and this is not a laughing matter or something to be ridiculed. We are not joking about these feelings and we don't want to be this way. Great video.

[@diamend5]

Thank you!! I finally have an answer to what I might have. Sounds such as typing, whispering, ASMR videos, bags crinkling, loud chewing, all of these literally drive me crazy and set me into like a blood red rage. I just thought I was high maintenance or something but I totally understand how you feel with being triggered by a sound. I cannot describe how awful these sounds make me feel. The whispering especially drives me crazy and it literally hurts my ears to the point where I have a tingling sensation and feel lightheaded.

[@madeline5175]

What is ASMR videos?

[@tokyotrashbby]

i always say the best way to torture me would b to keep me in a small room w VERY loud asmr sounds for the rest of my life, i'd find a way to kms even if i had to do it by biting my own tongue off, i'm sorry that was intense i'm angry j thinking abt it lmao

[@windyventure]

HELLO EVERYONE IN 2021! 2+ years later, this video gets more comments - and the most meaningful comments - of any of my 300 videos! I am trying to continue the spread of helpful information on this topic and would like to catch the attention of renowned KZbinr Anthony Padilla. He has a series called “I spent a day with...” where he interviews people within a specific group. I want to see misophonia covered, whether he interviews me or not! If you are here, watching this video, relating to or empathizing with it, please consider reaching out to Anthony Padilla via KZbin comment, tweet, discord, IG, whatever! Shot out misophonia as a topic you want covered (and shout out me @hollihuckleberry if you want to see me part of that!) I love feeling less alone and your kind comments mean the world to me... let’s try and get this topic to a wider audience together!!!!! Either way, thank you guys. 💛💛💛💛💛

[@dressup1nyou]

I hope he does to those videos show bring much awareness and spread positivity and misophonia is barely known even by doctors

[@doorknob559]

I’m 15 but I’ve been dealing with misophonia since I was 8. It has literally ruined my life.

[@doorknob559]

zd zd I’m 16 now too and I’m officially getting help for it thankfully they think I might be on the autistic spectrum but overall I’ve just formed routines around it now. Always wear earphones, don’t eat with other people, close doors, walk away, wear earplugs etc it’s hard but it’s manageable

[@doorknob559]

zd zd it’s painful for me too😂 but I make do. How long have u been dealing with it? A long time too I imagine

[@isobelcottage8733]

@@doorknob559 I’m 16 too and have been dealing with it since I was 11 but it’s progressively gotten worse. My therapist has never even heard of misophonia and when I told her about it, she didn’t seem the slightest bit interested or convinced . I just think she thinks I’m seeking attention but all I want is help because it’s ruined my life enough already

[@wildmoonchild8210]

i just found out it was a thing last year (when i was 16) and christ, i had no idea other people had to deal with with this too

[@ryannkass3657]

1 I turned this video on because my brother was setting me off with his chewing so it helped me in the moment forget about it and 2 when I hear these triggers like my dad chewing, I will tell him to stop but he will get mad at me for telling him to stop and he will tell me to get over it. He doesn’t understand that I just can’t get over it so it triggers a whole big fight then I just leave and eat after he is done. Thankfully he does eat fast.

[@sappiredark]

SAME oh my god same

[@geniuskags]

oh dude i’m a hairstylist too and i had a client that was eating very hard cookies and i was putting dye on her hair and the sound and feeling the chewing happen was the worst experience ever

[@windyventure]

C.B and with no escape 😭

[@_maddie_makes_music]

oh my god that hurt me reading you describe it. agh I'm sorry for you

[@noobedynoob9950]

I'm literally on the verge of crying. This video and all of you having the same or similar problem that I have - I can't believe it. The sheer and utter anger I feel when I'm triggered.. the anxiety... the reaction! I experience that so often and it feels SO GOOD to just know other people have that as well. And I am so incredibly thankful for this little safe space I found. Thank you all so, so much.

[@kittyluver3695]

Thank you for spreading awareness! I’m also tired of being the joke or being the “baby” and everyone looking down on me. I react in such rage that I just start crying. It’s not a pleasant feeling AT ALL and for those who don’t experience this, try to understand what your friends or family are feeling if they have this.

[@slowlydrowning]

First - You are not alone. I've known a few people in my life with chewing triggers. In my early twenties, I had a best friend, and partner that I moved in with (first time living with a partner). When my partner would eat cereal I could not stand to be in the same room - from a normal happy day to rage in 1 minute or less. The frustration and anger was visceral and lead to me having misplaced resentment to the point that I could not tolerate being around this person. It was years before I realized this was my wiring and not something being done to me. It has also contributed to an unhealthy relationship with food that I still struggle with today. I am married now and my partner understands. We are at a point where I can say, please move out of my blind spot while you are eating or simply - "it's happening". Eating together definitely helps - both in improving my relationship with food and keeping the sound from triggering me. Music, a podcast, a book on tape or tv are also good distractions. I have a friend who has had luck with antidepressants, she says it doesn't completely stop the frustration and anger, but helps dull the sharp edges. Working on letting the feelings come, seeing them, recognizing them and letting them pass like a wave is where I am at today. We are not our emotions - they come and go and "I am still right here."

[@ChristinaPistone]

Very relatable. And also very challenging to live this way! I’m planning on getting a brain scan and learning CBT with a specialist asap because after 30+ years of suffering with this I can’t do it anymore. Unless I move to the woods in a tiny home far away from annoying people lol I have to do something to help deal with this. It’s actually more common than we think.. sensory overload.

[@JHill-uu5vm]

Thank you so much for this video!! I'm so happy to see the conversation surrounding misophonia become a little more mainstream. I've suffered with it for half a century. Beginning around age 10 with my dad being my first trigger. Due to the unique dynamics in my family, I wasn't allowed to tell him or even show by my facial expression that I was hurting. At main meals my mom started playing the radio in our dinin g room on a moderate volume. It didn't drown it out, but I learned to focus past the trigger ( a little) by focusing on the radio. A tall order for a 10 year old! One thing I experience is actual physical pain...also exhaustion. I suppose from the extreme amount of energy it takes to stay composed, not show what you're feeling,etc. I've tried to talk with colleagues about it when I wasn't "in the moment". It usually doesn't help and I get a "deer-in-the-headlights-look". I once gave a co-worker a $5.00 bribe to spit out her gum!!😆 Love the kitty in the video!! Bless you in your struggles!!

[@amrakarmaMisophoniac]

This disorder is the scurg of my life. Lived in my 'relatively quite' apartment at the back of my house for 2 years. My new neighbors woke me up at 12:30 a.m. the first two nights. They know of my condition, all my triggers and still continue to act completely ignorant. They actually seem to think it turns off in the daytime. This has been 8 months of hell for me. Family definitely doesn't understand. 2 more months before my neighbors leave too. My condition is severe and I am in hell. I was so mean to my loud eating dad growing up & it makes me feel shame. I feel like patient zero. 43 years old, self-diagnosed, didn't really know I had it until late 30's. Everyone just thought I was an a-hole and they all still do. It has effected almost every aspect of my life. Excellent video.

[@mannix2112]

I have dealt with this for years, and was relieved a few years ago when I read about it being real and having a name. Basically, I feel rage. just rage. For me its mostly chewing sounds, but sometimes other stuff too. And sometimes the people around me will change the way they chew to try to be more quiet, but I can still hear that too, and it makes me even more enraged. Which makes me sad because I really do appreciate that they are making an effort not to trigger me but that effort is actually making it worse. I usually just leave the room, sometimes in the middle of a meal. It makes me feel so socially inept.

[@ActionMediaProductions]

You did a great job Holli. I’m 59 and have had miso since I was 7. When I found out it was a real thing, I decided to make a documentary about it, it’s called Quiet Please... There’s a few trailers on KZbin and it will be on Amazon Prime in a few days (it was there for two years, but my distributor went bankrupt 2 weeks ago). As an aside, I think there’s a lot of psych that goes along with miso...the line gets blurred between neuro and psych, and it is progressive. I could go on. Good for you for discussing miso, it negatively affects every aspect of my life.

[@freddiepiras391]

I have a friend who has it and I feel horrible because I cannot help him. Any advice?

[@ActionMediaProductions]

Freddie Piras Show him the actual completed film, there’s no treatments in it, but he’ll see others like himself who live with as well.

[@ljmagno1081]

Omg. Thank you for sharing. All my life I thought I was the only one that has this! Its a relief.

[@sierra-ec5op]

Yessss I plug my ears too!!! I’ve been doing that forever and people think I’m being rude when I have headphones in. I usually bring headphones on car rides because my mom or someone else will chew ice/food and I can’t handle it but they think I just don’t want to talk to them!

[@clairejevron6146]

I have this, I sometimes wish I was deaf, I get so upset and stressed. I want to be in the middle of no where with just the sound of birds and trees rustling in the wind.

[@clairejevron6146]

@@kate3264 oh that’s terrible 😞 I am so sorry. Please reach out for support if you feel suicidal.

[@Cia_rahi]

So I also have misophonia and i cried during the whole video. I felt very relieved that this is a thing because everyone is just saying that I’m overreacting. When I hear these specific sounds/noises I just want to hurt them so badly and it also makes me feel guilty. But since I can’t I’ll just start crying, screaming or I know this sounds funny but just stumping my feet on the floor. And I even get so mad if I even think about it. It kind of makes life feel unliveable because those noises happen on a everyday life bases. The worst part is that my family/friends don’t know what it is and then they think it’s just me overreacting and keep doing it to “tease“ me, but they don’t know that im getting so angry and mad. So I’m really happy this video was uploaded but I’m still sad that there isn’t a cure.

[@noobedynoob9950]

I'm so sorry to hear that and I felt every single word of it. Fucking same. The anger and rage ... as if I want the whole world to burn just to stop that noise!

[@Cia_rahi]

@@noobedynoob9950yes exactly you get me!

[@afterartist158]

I just found this as I was recovering from a panic attack, thank you for making this video, I really needed it

[@sarabenton4915]

I was watching the 20 min Vice piece on ASMR, and discovered that not everyone is affected by ASMR, you know the tingles, and I wondered if there was a link between Miso and those whose brains respond to ASMR, like they were different ends of the same brain physiology continuum. There is some research that suggests this may be the case. I am that continuum, I get the tingles from certain sounds and I get the fight flight panic attack from others. It has been this way since early childhood and I am now in my 30s. I want to say, thank you for your language. In trying to find videos about Misophonia I keep seeing it described as the hatred of sound which is enraging also, it is so much more nuanced than that. It is, as you describe, a selective sound sensitivity syndrome and that is such a helpful way to explain. The hatred of sound sounds like some lazy generic explanation of the experience. It is being taken over by the sound physiologically and psychologically and not having the power to either stop the sound, your body's response to it, or have the social structure to do something that relieves it in an acceptable way. I hope as we move forward as a collective we pay more attention to the importance of sound and the way it affects all of us.

[@melanieogle1843]

Yes. Just yes. 👏👏 💜🖤💜

[@TayInRealLife86]

I have misophonia as well and go into a rage at times... yet some sounds do tingle me with a positive! I've always thought I was a weirdo and had mental issues

[@victor94victor]

i feel just the same. i feel bad about subtle noises like things get hit on the floor but i feel good with sounds like bells, cellphones msg tunes, and even fire crackers that are also pretty subtle...

[@carinamuller1773]

Brilliantly put! I totally agree. I feel it will be so helpful when we find out what tools will help us to deal with this in an acceptable way. Hopefully we can even find a way to cure it completely ❤️

[@wobblebomb]

Amazing job articulating not just the struggle of having misophonia (which is noooooo joke ugh) but also regarding communicating about it, especially when already triggered. It’s been a real journey for me as well. Musicless headphones has also been a great tool for me recently glad you found that too. I am glad this condition is getting some recognition-so helpful to know it’s real and that we’re not alone. Mahalo.

[@cancerouslump7961]

Im stuck in small house of 6 people who have the mentality of children, I'm just waiting till I can move out. The couch is my saviour

[@tasha8411]

Brain and not heart!! Amazing revelation! I love that thank you! And yesssssssssss just knowing this is a THING is so comforting. Thank you for sharing your experiences and opinions 🙏🏻❤️

[@amandamcclellan2380]

I've lost connection to half of my family due to me having misophonia because they didn't believe me.And they hurt, mocked, and threatened to beat me because they thought I was faking. The sound that triggers me most is when people sniff through their nose.

[@Arunava_Sar]

Misophonia part of sound sensitivity ,. It can be healed as sound sensitivity can be healed by doctor checkup, recommendation, medicine meditation !! maybe people didn't behave same at when they starts to see difference of unusual behaviour..try to help others to understand. They will obviously hear your talk.. I know all aren't same !! will not mock , joke when they actually know the things that it's real hope !! It's totally different as someone behaving with this disorder and without this !! Take care stay safe 🙏 Hope for being stay safe❤️

[@leah-pb4ij]

the hardest thing is when you have the courage to speak up and ask the source of the sound if they could attempt to be a bit quieter and they just make the sound louder as a reaction. That hurts.

[@flawed1]

I went years without knowing I have misophonia, but now, looking back, there are a great number of arguments I had with people while eating that were more than likely just me getting triggered. I think my case is relatively mild considering some of the stories I have heard, but I will share with you how I cope. When I can’t hum, to myself or make some other noise to distract myself, I employ techniques similar to mindfulness meditation. When I’m triggered, I try to see and feel the trigger for what it really is. I tell myself that even though I feel angry, I am not angry.It’s just misophonia, and if the feelings Inspired by misophonia try to lead me down a train of thought such as “this person is being insensitive or deliberately annoying me”, I refuse to follow those trains of thought. It will be difficult at first, but whenever you find yourself going down those trains of thought, simply stop the train. The goal for me is for it to become a sometimes unavoidable emotion that I don’t need to act on

[@dengony]

I don't go anywhere without headphones. I'm that guy with the headphones.

[@nicoladavies1053]

I RELATED TO THIS WORD FOR WORD... Thankyou so much for making this video 🥺

[@auroradeister9314]

Thank you so much for making this video we really need to bring more awareness, and thank you so much for talking about visual triggers, I’ve been struggling with figuring out if those are related to my misophonia so thank you ❤️

[@eviprofanter1486]

Oooff I felt so understood while watching your video, it really makes me happy that I'm not alone with it... People always think it's not that bad cause they are not experiencing it... But now I can explain it to others better too, thank you! 🥺

[@parisl2155]

Thanks for sharing, Holli! I just learned about misophonia earlier this year, and I knew as soon as I read about it that it was what I'd been struggling with ever since I was a kid. Our experiences sound really similar. The earliest I can remember being triggered by it is with my sister eating food when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old - she would mix her food around on her plate making a noise that really bothered me (esp moist rice or pasta with sauce on it), and then she'd eat her food chewing with her mouth open making this noise that I absolutely couldn't stand. I HATED it, and was very vocal about that, and so she would make the noises as much as possible to trigger me. My parents would basically say I was having a "melt down" for "no reason" and to leave her alone and let her eat. Since then it has expanded to many other areas of my life, and seems really specific. For instance, the sound one of my co-workers makes when she sneezes bugs the $#!T out of me, the sound of one of my roommate's laughs infuriates me, babies crying, and some car engines, and certain sounds in songs really piss me off. Also, the way my sister eats still bothers me a lot when we're together, and the sound of some other people eating, but not everyone. These are just a few examples but there are many many more triggers for me. I've found that a common thing among almost all these experiences is the repetitiveness of the sounds (my co-worker always sneezes 10-20 times in a row, repeated chewing, etc.). Thanks for the tips, I usually just boil with rage and try to wait it out until the sound is over or I can get away from it. Hahah. It's just really hard because yeah I do feel like no one takes it seriously, and also sometimes there's nothing that can be done to stop the noise (I asked my boyfriend to chew with his mouth closed, and he did start doing that, but I can't ask my co-worker to stop sneezing the way she does, or ask someone else's baby to stop crying lol). People tell me I'm over-reacting, and logically I know that I am, but it's an emotional reaction that happens so fast it just comes out of nowhere and suddenly I'm fuming. I don't think a lot of people understand how strong the emotion hits, OR how quickly it passes (for me) after the sound stops.

[@Silver-cl2bd]

Precisely. I wish all the time that I could control myself from being offset from noises. In an instant I'm set off.

[@user-yo3xc6us7x]

I’m 13 years old and I have felt with this since I was 7. It’s been so hard because my triggers are paper on carpet, chewing, singing, humming, and just mouth noises in general. I’ve been told multiple times from my family that I’m ruining their life’s and that I’m just awful. They don’t understand and just think that it just bothers me. It doesn’t bother me. It makes me feel so much rage and panic that it’s hard to go places because I don’t want to be triggered. The other day I was trying not to break out balling because someone was chewing gum. It’s really hard and I’m glad that people are starting to Kiev more about it. Thank you so much for trying to raise awareness!! Your amazing!

[@ysabehm4426]

Thank God for the Internet. I suffer from this since I was a kid and always thought there was something not normal with me, everyone around me always treated me like an annoying weirdo. I always have to eat by myself otherwise I go nuts, the older I get the less sounds I can stand. It's fucking hell 😔😔 I'm so happy there's finally a word put on this condition. It really needs awareness.

[@Frootloop7277]

Thank you s o much for making this! Misophonia doesn’t get enough recognition. I sent this video to my friends so they could better understand.

[@madeline5175]

I had no idea. I guess I have misophonia. But before this video, I just came to the conclusion that I'm easily annoyed and sensitive.

[@mpgibson1906]

I've had MIsophonia since age ten and I'm 63 now, so many years of suffering. Thank you for sharing your story. It's so hard to make people understand our condition, and it takes such a huge emotional toll. Like you, my triggers started with my father. Please know you have a friend up in Canada! Take care.

[@melanieogle1843]

I've suffered from misophonia for as long as I can remember, going as far back as 4 years old. However, I didn't know there was a name for it, or that it was even actually a thing, until just a couple of years ago. All this time, I had thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was just an overly neurotic crazy person who needed to learn how to control herself. Now I know I'm not alone, and that I can't just "get over it," as so many people have told me to do, throughout the years. Thank you for making this video and sharing your story. It felt like you were telling MY story, too! Word for word!

[@miawalkerYT]

Thank you so much honestly. I’m sick of my parents taking it as a joke I’m glad I can relate to someone and relate to how you respond and help it too. ❤️

[@CourtniTurnerTurner]

I have severe self control issues as well because of this disorder. I feel as I have I have be in survival mode 24/7. The only time I can get peace and quiet from noise is being in my room and turning on my loud fan. I used to wear headphones 24 hours every single day just to block the noise. But I recently got an ear infection and now I can’t wear headphones. Afraid to wear them again bc I don’t want to get another infection. I miss wearing them. Wearing headphones to block the noise and listening to my music is my escape.

[@gemmarose1093]

This is an amazing video! I relate so much, oh my stars. It’s such a strange thing, because you feel so guilty for feeling that rage. Still struggling, but working on it every day. I have found that the medication Latuda is life changing! Finally able to spend time with my family again. Remember that you’re a wonderful person, and your instinctive rage is not you xx Thank you for this video xx

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

I've had misophonia all of my life. It began when I was 13 years old and my parents' loud, open-mouth chewing during dinner upset me to the point that I started eating dinner in my room. It has impacted my life in many ways. Going to movies is uncomfortable because of all the people smacking on popcorn. I've been able to deal with that by eating popcorn myself, which drowns out the sounds of others. But without my own popcorn, I panic and have to leave the theater. Working is a nightmare because of all the people who loudly chomp, smack and pop their gum. I wish workplaces would stop allowing people to chew gum. I could deal with it if they only chewed their gum for ten minutes. I could leave the room or go to the bathroom or something, but these people chomp their gum 24/7! They always have to have something in their mouths! They probably chew their cud while sleeping, too! I feel anger towards the ones doing the chomping, but I also realize intellectually, that this is my problem and not really theirs. There needs to be a real cure for this, and not just bandaids like noise-canceling earphones.

[@juju-fp3pm]

Two words. Thank you.

[@darksighs9960]

I sometimes think..People who purposely make noise to trigger are same as abusers who hurt women physically.. People need to understand their noise is actually causing pain ..

[@bricessac]

this video is so relatable. thank you for making this! people really don’t understand and they always act like i’m being dramatic or being too much. I work in an office where the person that works behind me chews with their mouth open and it send me into a very quick rage. I notice that even the sound of myself eating really bothers me, so I have to be playing music or a youtube video while i’m eating. being at a restaurant tends to drown out all of the sounds of chewing I have found that wearing headphones with either music or white noise (my favorite is just the sound of rain). that way I can still hear conversation but I am able to tune out A LOt OF SOUNDS airpods are a misophonia sufferers dream!

[@lambthatisdove]

man,,, this has to be one of my favourite videos. i loved the way you explained this, i relate to it a lot.

[@JanelleJnewstudio]

I also respond the same way... this rage. It’s so hard.

[@aaashrae]

Aw, sweet girl. I’m so sorry you have never experienced patients from your friends. I recently found out 3 of my friends have Misophonia and it hard to figure out what to do exactly but as a friend I think that you need to try your best to help that person. It’s such an interesting thing, and I’m trying to learn more about it to help them. Hope you can feel more supported and patience in the future

[@seekonlytruth512]

I only learned about Misophonia last week. I'm 54 and have been triggered by certain sounds for all my life. Triggers include A small child screaming, baby crying People whistling Chewing and slurping A tap dripping Dogs barking I want to escape when I hear these noises. I can only go to supermarkets early when very quiet. I cant go into bars because its feels like my ears are getting damaged..its very stressful When I go to the cinema I need to wear good ear plugs. If I am doing anything academic I need total silence. I know that I can hear frequencies that other people can't hear and I also have Tinnitus now. Thanks for the great description of your symtoms/triggers.

[@jennajensen6217]

This video helped me so much! I thought I was the only one who was dealing with this, but I didn’t know what “this” was. I don’t feel as alone now, especially hearing your story and reading everyone else’s in the comments. Thank you so much for sharing this video, I really appreciate it!

[@meesh4204]

It’s so crazy hearing someone else talk about this. My story is almost identical to yours. Ive developed at least some coping mechanisms over the years that have helped but I still do not feel comfortable enough talking to people about it or asking them to stop what is triggering me. Only family and some friends even know that it’s a problem for me but they just don’t understand what it actually does to me. It’s so embarrassing to have and feels like no matter how hard I try to explain what I’m going through it will never truly be understood and most will just think I’m exaggerating. I’m hoping some form promising treatment comes in the future. Thank you so much for opening up and being vulnerable about this because it can be a scary thing to do 💙

[@yujinee51]

So grateful for you sharing your experience and this video. I've struggled with debilitating anxiety the past 5 years, with each year becoming gradually worse and doctor's were unable to identify the root cause. No amount of exercise, clean eating, yoga/meditation would help ease the anxiety, and I always blamed myself for being weak. Until recently, after seeking countless neurologists and therapists, I was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and misophonia. Now I know I'm not crazy or ashamed, and no wonder I was anxious 24/7 due to my daily environment being constant triggers. It's such a real thing and it sounds like a stressful life, but getting diagnosed and watching videos like this truly help accepting and loving ourselves, as well as working towards a better quality life. Thanks again for sharing! ❤️

[@HonkYeahArson]

GOSHHH THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone.

[@abbyk2891]

I appreciate this video so much. due to this not being a well known issue, it is hard to find help or even other people ho struggle with the same thing. when this happens, it makes me feel alone. this video really helped with this.

[@reeferseasalt]

Around 10:00 I totally get what you're saying! If I'm IN THE ROOM when loud kids are playing with a basketball, I can handle it. But if it's through my walls, it can drive me crazy.

[@thetrinitee]

I'm soooooo glad I came across this video!! This is such a game changer for me. I have a neighbor upstairs that TRIGGERS TF out of me! Like irritation is ughh. W1hen i tell you I get so ANGRY at the noises they make. I knew something was wrong this summer when I said this is affecting me and I think I have a sensory problem. 😞 I'm actually looking to move and it's a struggle because I know I can't take someone living above me but I'm afraid I will still struggle having someone live beside me making the very same sounds. I also get so annoyed at my friend as he eats I thought I was being petty because I just hate the sound he makes!

[@marymauntz5805]

I can relate to 95% of what you described, thank you for disclosing so much. I'm trying anti depressants to see if it can help tolerate the feelings that come with misophonia, I'll make a KZbin update eventually:) I hope we find a cure!

[@victoriahughes416]

Thank you for educating us. I had no idea misophonia was a thing. Love all your vids btw. Been a "silent" subscriber for a while now. Very interesting information.

[@eireannpalmer6535]

So I am really glad that you have found mechanisms and that you shared. My sister has it and I would say that having discussions such as this and conversations that enlighten me about how she feels were the most helpful. It is hard for the person but it is also hard when you are a kid and being shouted at for eating or breathing to loudly by your sister who is meant to love you. I think it's good to recognise that it's hard for the people with it and the people around them. Communication and understanding has helped us the best. Talking about it outside if when it happens

[@lemonbalmtea]

Thank you for doing this video!! It is SO helpful! Listening to your experience is helping to articulate something I’ve struggled with for decades. ❤️

[@jessicacortese1168]

It's so powerful, knowing not being the only one and that it's an actual, physical problem... things I've understood so recently. I've dealt with it since I was a teenager. Funny fuct, it came out of nowhere, suddenly, during a meal sitting next to my dad. Knowing that that extreme rage is sort of a "natural" reaction of how my brain responds to certain stimuli is a huge relief. Thank you for sharing your experience 💕

[@pamelarobin1685]

I didn't know my struggle has a name. I hate it so much when people play music/watch videos in public, and I hate hate hate it so much when my brother sings loudly at home. The anger paralyzes me, I couldn't seem to do anything. It seems like I'm hearing everything all at once and it's overwhelming. I've been called "crazy" and "overly sensitive" for being like this. My ears would often hurt and ring from listening to music in maximum volume just to block out the noise. My reaction is anxiety and anger. I'm afraid of confrontation, so I often just keep everything in. It's so tiring. I wish I can afford a therapist to help me with this problem. I feel so miserable. I am so tired. I want to live alone, away from my loud, inconsiderate family. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[@falquest]

You seem awfully grounded, well adjusted and young... I pray this doesn’t progress for you over time. By my second year of college I was a chronic alcoholic and nobody could get to the bottom of what was really happening. In the mid-90s I was told by every “specialist” that this was all a symptom of anxiety. But it’s not. It’s very specific and separate. Of course, it LEADS to anxiety and depression over time. I’m 45 now, miraculously sober, but the Misophonia remains - too many triggers to count! Thank God for wireless headphones and things like Spotify. I probably would be long dead by now without it. Very good video, you describe it perfectly, in language anybody can understand.

[@stephelley1675]

Thank you so much for making this oml, I've been using it to help educate friends and family on miso :))

[@stephw9563]

Thank you so much for this video. I’m looking through the internet for answers about these irritating triggers.... I also seem to be hurting people closest to me with my reactions & it doesn’t feel great. Understanding this, knowing other people are dealing with this and hearing your coping mechanisms helped me so much. Thank you again!

[@hootinouts]

Dear Holly, thank you for taking the initiative to post this wonderful video. You are a very charming and beautiful young lady. I now realize at 61 that I suffer from misophonia. While eating sounds and cellophane candy wrappers crackling seem to be the most commonly documented triggers noises, my intolerance tends to be more toward, lawn mowers, leaf blowers, loud truck engines idling in the street for long periods of time, back up beepers on trucks and constructions equipment and car alarms. With the recent quarantine, I am teleworking and there is no end to the lawn maintenance that goes on in my suburban neighborhood. while I am working I generally do not listen to music and like the house quiet. Then that peace will be shattered when I hear the hum of a lawn mower outside. I can have all the windows closed and the lawn mower might be a block away yet that low hum is enough to trigger rage in me. I believe it stems from the loudness of these industrial grade riding mowers that the lawn care services all use. They are extremely loud. it almost Pavlovian: when I hear even a faint hum; even within my closed up house the anxiety and rage is triggered. At that point I typically begin cursing and ranting as I quickly reach my boiling point. I then resort to plugging up my ears with ear buds and play music that I enjoy to mask the wretched humming. Occasionally I resort to not just the music but also a Xanax (prescribed to me). I do not want to get dependent on any type anti anxiety meds so I try and only use my Xanax as a last resort. I feel like a total dichotomy with how the misophonia brings out the beast in me. I am typically a charming and compassionate person but when the noise starts I retreat into my own little world of anger and disgust. I try to be a good Christian but despite my best efforts I find my disorder takes over me like a demon possession. There's the cursing (not within earshot of anyone) and horribly violent thoughts toward the noise maker. I have a loving and understanding wife but know she is unable to empathize with what I go through. I keep mentioning to her that I want us to move away from the general population where it is quiet. We've lived in this neighborhood for almost thirty years now and the noise seems as though it has increased almost exponentially to where it is now unbearable. Today is Sunday and the weather is beautiful. We started our morning with the windows open and the AC off but it wasn't long before the wretched cacophony gasoline powered lawn equipment ruined that. I really do need to seek professional help for this before I have another heart attack or stroke. God bless you dear. I pray that you will find your own peace in this life. BTW, I love your cat. I have two and they are precious to me. I just wish they purred like your's.

[@elenagalvarez4148]

Soooi related! Thanks to share your experience. I hope bit by bit general public becomes more aware of this. Best of luck!

[@jessicah6712]

Example: people popping there gum 😖

[@itsme-hq9vg]

OMG that makes me want to punch them in the face

[@nevernotofficial7409]

My face turned red Im black.

[@blackout9764]

POV: You go to middle school and almost all of your classes are girls (80%) chew gum like a donkey and I would come out of school every day and my ears would be bloody

[@chrysalism7375]

people chewing and popping their gum pisses me off

[@spokanemafia4480]

Omg people popping their gum, I can't even take it for a min. I will snap at them almost instantly

[@annabellacrewe8858]

So comforting to me, that You make this video for us people with this serious problem. People in general, 80 % does not take my suffering seriously, and that' s tuff ! I delt with this oversensitivity all my life, but didnt know what it was, until 3 years ago ! And next month I have been on this earth for 70 years. My reactions was fortunately not to the people who make the noises, but by myself. I do go to the neighbours and respond to their all day/ all night doorbanging; they dont respect my complaint. It is very much anger concurring me..lastning until next time. Noone shall make me use earplugd in my ownn .home Theres an english hypnotherapist on this channell, who wors with mesophonia ! Stay well !

[@michaelmisja3980]

This video took me a long time to get through. Because I had to pause it so many time and just sit in disbelief. Someone else has experienced and does experience what I have experience every day for as long as I can remember. And, the pain of having to get up from a table and walk away, it just hurts so much. It hurts to not be able to explain, and it hurts to upset people. It’s also terrifying to imagine how people would perceive you if they knew the thoughts that race through your head when triggered. And this inconsistency, and bizarre reality that some random stuff affects me and some stuff that should doesn’t and the rules are silly but real, and you share them! You have all of the same experiences and specifics I do. I tried explaining it to a friend and a lot of this is extremely identical. If there were the right questions to prompt about this, I’d love to know how many people would agree. Even to see this many comments say they are in the same boat... a just, thank you

[@Nestani_Pantsulaia]

Thank you very much. It takes me hours and hours to calm down. And affects every aspect of my life. It really stops me from having time, energy, or even desire for self-development. It prevents me literally from having a life outside my work, having hobbies, and even reading. I just don't have any energy for anything. This feeling of anger, anxiety, and fear. This terrible mix of feelings simply shuts my brain. And I have developed really unhealthy coping mechanisms, which do not really help, they just kind of distract me for a certain amount of time. Until I bump into those noises again.. and again.. and again... It steals my life. It steals my energy. And as you mentioned, whenever I try to bring it up, my family and coworkers make fun of me, which leads to more anger, more anxiety, and much more fear. Feels like I'm about to explode from my chest, that terrible pain inside my chest just eats me from the inside out. And no one around me, NOT A SINGLE SOUL seems to understand.

[@emilyhamer8763]

I am so happy that you feel the same way as me. I just got misophonia a year ago and it has been very hard. My number one trigger right now is when my dad clears his throats or sniffs. This is an amazing video and I absolutely loved it.

[@hannahbedow2529]

I’m currently a senior in high school with Misophonia. I’ve had it for a long time and it’s so bad that I haven’t been able to eat in the same room as my family for 9 years with out getting extremely angry and anxious. My family and friends never understand which is honestly the most frustrating part because they just continue to do things that trigger me, then when I respond harshly or ask them to stop they act like it’s all my fault or like I did something wrong. Some times it’s nice to know there are others out there who know what Misophonia is like and deal with it every day like me, and it makes me really happy that amazing people like you are putting videos like this out there to spread awareness and show that we’re not alone.

[@louisehowland8002]

Thank you for making this Video! I have struggled with misophonia since I was a child and still do everyday, it’s just nice to know I am not alone!

[@taleahsuslik3372]

i can relate to this video so much! glad i’m not alone, it really sucks and basically ruins your life. I tell my family specifically my dad and my brother to please chew with their mouth closed or to chew fricking quieter, they don’t research mush or anything so they don’t know what misophonia is and they don’t know i have it, so they purposely chew louder to piss me off, and it does. it gets so irritating that i could punch a wall not even joking.

[@kelseyspivey9644]

i have serious misophonia, i get sent over the edge when someone is chewing food, or especially gum, i can not stand it.....i have 2 little girls, and even the sound of them sucking on their binky or pacifier is unbearable. It makes me feel like an awful mother that i have to ask them to take out something that comforts them because i can not stand to be in the room....but videos like this make me feel so much better, knowing i am not alone....because most of my life people have dismissed my anxiety with sounds or thought i was being dramatic...its nice to know that other people experience the same level of distress i have... i woudnt wish this on anyone...but thank you for sharing.

[@purpleice7277]

Doors slamming, dogs barking, certain base sounds, some chewing, people scuffling their shoes in stores, the list goes on. I have wished I would go deaf, that’s how bad it it. 🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉

[@deanmazza1116]

My mother did it !!! Woke up to hearing dishes in the sink :)) pissed me off

[@Joyfulsweetness]

Wow thank you so much for having the courage to speak up on this. I've been experiencing the same and I can relate so much!!! Eating next to certain people can be torture and sometimes I had to literally get up from the table. BUT HERE IS SOME REALLY GOOD TRICK I recently tried out and I felt like it helped. I think especially when applied on a regular basis it could definitely improve the reactions experienced with misophonia instead of avoiding the situation (which I know sometimes seems like the only solution). So whenever I hear chewing especially salad or thinks like carrots (I think yall can relate) . I imagine a cute little rabbit eating it and for some reason that would be even kind of cute to me. So I visualize or once I even watched a video on KZbin of cute animals chewing while hearing the triggering noises from the person around and it really worked!! Maybe it's worth a try. Good luck Great video recommendations are also the ones of the famous "slow Lori", it's eating different thinks and it's chewing but bc of its sweetness it doesn't bother me at all I find it rather cute (so weird I know)

[@windyventure]

jiel salina I’m so glad I read this! I will give your cute trick a try haha thank you for sharing

[@Joyfulsweetness]

You're welcome 😘

[@verttiniskanen]

good idea, but my case feels so bad that i can't handle my dog eating bones... but happy to hear that someone can have a 'cure' for it

[@MyName-pq4hd]

I’ve had this since I was 6 years old it’s been such a big part of my life glad there’s more awareness to it now

[@CozyFlowz]

Finally it feel so great to find someone who can relate every thing you said in this video is what I'm going through and thank you for making this vjdeo