loneliness - am I the creator of that sense?

[@Seeking_Myself]

My loneliest times have been in relationships. Not being able to be myself, I guess, but also not knowing who I am. An enigma! I have always been chameleon-like in relationships - and yes, that's my perception. But I haven't been brave enough to do the checking in bit. I was bullied as a child, and this has stuck with me. But also, when I add the layers of cPTSD and neurodiversity, then teasing apart what is what, feels harder.

[@TanjaWindegger]

🦋yes especially when we try to make sense of it with our mind. it loves categoriesing (or at least mine does!) and that keeps us distracted from what needs to be addressed

[@lucidity_world]

Could one way to describe loneliness be invisibility thro unacknowledgement amongst people? I am recently trying to get out of my solitude after a protracted isolation which was of my own making. It helps me contrast that type of solitude and self-protective isolation of being alone with that of the loneliness I feel when I am among certain people who interact in a particular way. This second type I experience as being ignored or invisible, where my presence and interaction is not noticed or acknowledged. Some in that gathering may have sidelined me and I see that happening in real time. It is a feeling of being cut off and cast into an outgroup. Fair to say that, while this loneliness can be perpetuated by my own beliefs, people can be invalidating. It's not necessary for them to say that they recognise that I am doing something but a nod to me to let me know I am included in their experience makes a difference. They don't have to do this but the hurt I experience still occurs. I can get past the hurt on my own but some people are dismissive in that way and if we ask them whether they meant to do whatever we thought they were doing, they may deny it because not many would admit that they would do that intentionally but there are those who would. Forest gump, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get 😅 Where people are like chocolates and some are just plain old pebbles!

[@TanjaWindegger]

yes, I can see how this hurts. perhaps a sign to not spent time with these type of people and trusting that there are people out there who would acknowledge and appreciate you