Look for These RED FLAGS When Looking For A Partner! | Drs John & Julie Gottman

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00:00 Intro
00:38 What is the Gottman Institute, and what is its purpose?
02:25 What got them so interested in studying relationships?
04:09 What are some of the biggest misconceptions about the way we look at marriages back then compared to now?
08:02 What is the Love Lab, and how did it work?
12:31 The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.
17:44 The Sound Relationship House theory of what makes relationships work.
28:40 The importance of focusing on the process rather than the content.
33:36 The value of their research in helping build healthy relationships.
38:44 Any differences in same sex-relationships vs different-sex relationships?
48:04 Are there things culturally that are working against them?
54:16 The importance of a moral aspect in a healthy relationship.
56:30 Love is an action.
1:02:14 Building connection through practice on Gottman Connect.
1:08:13 Love Rx and closing words to the Mind Pump audience.
Related Links/Products Mentioned
The Gottman Institute | A research-based approach to relationships
www.gottman.com/
Gottman Connect
gottmanconnect.com/
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seed.com/mindpump
September Promotion: Skinny Guy Bundle (MAPS ANABOLIC // MAPS AESTHETIC // NO B.S. 6-PACK FORMULA // INTUITIVE NUTRITION GUIDE // OCCLUSION TRAINING GUIDE.) HALF OFF!! Also, the Fit Mom Bundle (MAPS ANYWHERE // MAPS ANABOLIC // MAPS HIIT // and INTUITIVE NUTRITION GUIDE.) HALF OFF!! *Code SEPT50 at checkout*
www.mapsfitnessproducts.com/
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
amzn.to/3bAqFOU
Love Lab - The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/love-lab/
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute
• Four Horsemen of the A...
What is The Sound Relationship House? - The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-...
Build Love Maps - The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/blog/build-lo...
The Investment Model of Commitment Processes
docs.lib.purdue.edu/cgi/viewc...
A Review of the Research on Domestic Violence
www.gottman.com/blog/a-review...
The health benefits of strong relationships
www.health.harvard.edu/stayin...
The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want
amzn.to/3rcxmP5
Bringing Baby Home: The Research - The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/blog/bringing...
Fatherhood (The Developing Child) - Book by Ross Parke
amzn.to/3dNAPkh
Helen Fisher: The brain in love | TED Talk
www.ted.com/talks/helen_fishe...
Love Quiz: Fondness and Admiration - The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/blog/fondness...
American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day, survey finds
studyfinds.org/american-famil...
Gottman Card Decks App - Couples | The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/couples/apps/
Mind Pump Podcast - KZbin
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[@thewholehealthexperience]

I like that men of this caliber use their platform to be informed on having healthy relationships and well-rounded behaviors. I love that they put their families in such high regard.

[@MrsCelinaDelacruz]

“Smart people learn from their mistakes wise people learn from others” …. Such a cool interview amongst many others💪🏼

[@Carlosconga]

I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve only been married for a couple of years. We dated for 6 years before getting married, and I admit that I desperately needed to hear every word of this podcast. Thank you.

[@robertberkowitz992]

That’s amazing that you have made a very long term relationship work so early in life!

[@mellowray561]

I love the Gottmans. They are so in tune. The research they do and have done for decades is a gift to all of us. They are so cool!

[@claymonaro68]

I tuned in to loose weight, and I ended up keeping my relationship. Fantastic show again guys

[@daayemshehzad]

This channel grows not because these 4 guys beg their viewers to like comment subscribe and share their videos. This channel grows because every second of it is valuable, actionable information delivered in an entertaining and easy-to-use way. Mind Pump has changed my life over the past 6 months.

[@James.Ford191]

Aside from promoting a very comprehensive mindset in one's fitness journey you guys also provide episodes like this. been following you for a while now and have adjusted my workouts based on your suggestions. just would like to say Thank You from me and my friends from the Philippines.

[@theneutralzone4468]

Mindpump has become my main podcast for everyday listening, keep it up guys.

[@UsNCollord216]

Same here, JRE is on the back burner

[@chevymansb]

Married 30 years 6 kids, 1 grandson so far. Love hearing your kid stories among the fitness training. I'm 52 and getting fit so I can wrestle and play hard with the grandbabies. Thanks MP dudes!

[@champd12z]

From Mindpumped to Mind Blown!!! Amazing episode! And the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse is dead on!

[@ambientsoundwave6476]

I really appreciate you guys doing this interview. This is absolutely a HEALTHCARE and mental and emotional strength subject. This is great guys please keep up the much needed good work for the community of the 🌎.....✊🏿✌🏾💯

[@thesealefamily5825]

Very interesting topic. Never thought I would see this on a fitness podcast. Glad to see you guys are able to cover many topics. Being a father, husband and fitness fanatic, it is great to get all those things covered in one podcast. Thanks again for everything you do!

[@robertberkowitz992]

I appreciate you guys trying out something new and getting into the bigger picture with you audience, as well as bringing on brilliant guests. Keep up the good work guys!

[@dustinwilley4770]

And now mindpump has been involved with fitness, health, trt, mental wellness, financial advice and divorce!!!

[@nicoxdamon]

1 stop shop 😅

[@keritho5578]

😂

[@irenenunez9054]

I love that you guys post so frequently. This video opened my eyes in another light helping health in another way. My fav channel ATM.

[@gingerdrummer7027]

Justin is a real one for the Norma Jean shirt

[@TH-il8mn]

Emotional fitness is critical, too! Thanks, guys!

[@soapysmith9582]

Wtf I was just arguing with the ole lady yesterday..bro’s!? 😂 I throw a nail out,y’all hit it on the head! 🔥🔥🔥

[@annstropes2236]

I really appreciate this kind of content. I am a new listener and also a relative newbie to working out and resistance training. Thank you guys for doing what you do!!

[@deviwhitt]

So excited to finally listen to this episode! I learned all about their studies and work in university and have really tried to bring this into all my relationships

[@johnlong1771]

You guys are my go to on almost everything now, I love the content keep up the great work. You all really get me thunk about my person health in all aspects

[@queenelliee]

Love normalizing conversations like these. So many people's lives can be improved by strengthening connection. Thank you guys for bringing on valuable guests.

[@YoungMule]

What a delightful discussion I’m glad y’all got them on!

[@VanessaBlanco]

Was a little hesitant listening to this episode but the research findings were eye opening. Thank you for this episode! Not what I expected but I’m glad I tuned in.

[@gayfish7094]

Incredible video! Thank you so much, I love this type of content! Keep it up! We love you guys!

[@prescottosegie]

Good podcast episode keep up the awesome work 💪🏾😎

[@ekansnake]

they explained it so well and simple, and it’s good to know that my relationship is in good shape because we checked all those positive boxes but I never payed attention to them until this video

[@marymcgrath8257]

Fascinating episode! That whole turning towards and turning away was eye opening, and is something I will be mindful of from now on.

[@meisdetermined]

Here I am listening to educated psychologists who have studied behavior for DECADES and they tell us that words can have a huge impact on a person. And the Bible says “life and death are in the power of the tongue”. Science is just now catching up to what God said 2000 years ago. Dang

[@easterneuropeantracksuit3312]

Thanks guys! Much needed advice.

[@christopherqueen3194]

Cool episode. When I saw who you were interviewing I knew I had to watch immediately.

[@adamgonzalez9642]

Afternoon mind pump brothers!! Amazing episode. I learn so much from your content. Have a blessed day 💪🏼🙏🏼👊🏼

[@brettwimberly768]

You guys really hit all aspects of healthy living. Thank you for everything.

[@localnoonenterprises]

This is a great episode. It reminds me of a book by John Maxwell called, "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect." If you're trying to improve your relationships, you have to become aware of whether your communication is leading to connection or not. I'm curious, how will the MindPump team apply what they've learned during this episode to improve their relationships with each other, as well as their intrapersonal relationships with themselves? Thanks for all you do help us live better lives. 💪🏿

[@sofiaharrison8786]

Wow what a great time to see this podcast, super eye opening stuff. I hope i can have the courage implement this knowledge into my relationship. Phenomenal timing.

[@beckyhartford368]

First of all, these two are amazing and an adorable couple. Secondly, healthy relationships can contribute up to 17 years of life. Such a simple concept but mind pumped.

[@dp1202]

I loved this episode. Thank you for this.

[@BELLSOFSTEEL]

Really like the diversity of content guys! 👌

[@raquelsoberanes4601]

I appreciate this content SOOOO much. Thank you for this podcasts

[@juliocifuentes]

Really liked this episode 👍🏻

[@aminaitlamqadem8237]

Watching the show I identified with each one of you guys through different periods of my life. In the beginning I was identifying a lot with Sal, because of his nerdiness and his tummy issues 👨🏻‍🔬🥲. Then as I started my journey to improve financially 💸 and being more direct, I resonated more with Adam 🧔‍♂. Now I'm in final stage where I'm just having fun and I'm happy to make people laugh like Justin 🧢. I can't wait to finally start my fitness journey. 💪

[@sherl.5280]

Hey MindPump...I'm mindblown! Great information and advice for improving relationships and longevity. Love it!

[@matturbano136]

Super interesting to hear how relationships affect longevity.

[@tylerferguson3575]

Some fascinating research. Definitely some things I can improve on how I handle relationships

[@ashleypg1708]

Such an awesome interview with my favorite couple ❤

[@Barbara078_11]

I appreciate the work that is being done. As a therapist I feel we need much more research on methods for over coming the aftermath that the damage addiction causes in a marriage. There are so many interventions for active addiction but very little for couples facing the aftermath, when the addicted person goes into recovery. There needs to be a process developed for this journey. Typically the relationship does not get better when the active addict goes into remission. This is the time when the partner of the addict needs to process their painful experiences with their partner, and this usually causes the addict in remission to get very defensive and this further breaks down and divides the couple.

[@chibimctwist]

Love the Gottmans, they have such important and revealing research! Thank you!

[@rneikha1177]

another wonderful episode. 21

[@Lovely44Day]

Going to get my partner to listen to this. Thanks guys for putting this out (Sal: always love your evidence based, scientific mindset)

[@Snapkrackpop]

love this episode. confirmed to me that my husband and i will live a long and happy life together

[@Getwelllivehealthy]

Loved that show. Those guys are amazing. 👍🏻 I know them through my Therphist. We use some of there techniques.

[@BriGuy94]

I wish I could have discovered Mind Pump sooner. As someone that has tried and fallen off the wagon when it comes to fitness many times, I've never been as interested and excited about health and wellness than the last few weeks I've spent listening to the stockpile of content you guys have put out over the last few months/years. Keep up the great work guys!

[@xavierb5120]

MAPS Strong Relationships

[@juliesimcox4894]

Loved this episode! Currently doing some couples therapy with my husband and everything mentioned in this episode highlighted what we are working on!! Loved it so much, went online and ordered their book 😊

[@OkLittleBuddyCalmDown]

Hope I get the maps!

[@angelcandelaria6728]

Im here to say cleaning and vacuuming is underrated by the modern generation of women 😅 I cook, clean, do laundry and look good. Not sound arrogant, because i was heavier when i was younger, dieted and worked out, did therapy and healing. Now im waiting for her to face her past ❤

[@meisdetermined]

Man see now the older gentleman’s comment about Roe vs. Wade makes me wonder what his view of the father’s rights are over a child? If the female wants the kid aborted but the father would love to raise the child, what are his rights? If the child has a heartbeat, should that child have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?? Has the mother had numerous choices about contraception, abstinence, requiring the man use protection, to the point at which choosing to end a life is wrong because she already made a dozen bad choices that resulted in a pregnancy?? How is it that we can plan a ride home after getting wasted at the bar but can’t plan how to have sex safely?? We can purposefully get drunk on Friday night because we know planning to get drunk Sunday night would be a bad idea come Monday morning. There has to be some personal responsibility and we need more women to make better choices BEFORE there is a child growing and developing. And we need more men to be responsible and buy products to help make sure these surprises don’t happen because we don’t need a bunch of broken families since many live in poverty.

[@PooFace2030]

Everything that man was saying was advocating for blue pilled simping. Notice from both of them how women are absolved of any responsibility to be better in the relationship? The responsibility always improve always land in the laps of the men. But then they want to advocate for womens “rights” on abortion and then not mention any of the responsibilities they can take to not have a unwanted pregnancy in the first place. These people are boomers disconnected from modern day dating and young marriages. I don’t care how much of self proclaimed intellectuals they claim to be.

[@MindPumpShow]

Agreed

[@stormrhode2330]

My wife and I are fundamentally very, very different. But we're similar in the ways that are most important and different in ways that seem to complement one another. Unfortunately, I think this kind of synergy is very hard to find. She and I just got very lucky. Especially me! The two main pieces of advice I would probably give when seeking out a partner would be not to focus on being perfect and successful. Focus on having fun and hanging out with the one you're with. Two (especially for guys), be funny and POSITIVE. Make light of negative situations and don't put others down. But have fun coming up with sporadic quips and engaging conversation. If these aren't part of who you are, then you probably won't have all that much success and might want to focus internally before dating. 😂

[@ranmaster9447]

I'm 10mins in and I can tell that the reason this couple has lasted so long is due to the old guy's patience with his wife. Had to pause the video to post this but will update as I continue watching.

[@BillyHains123]

Perfect timing right when a girl starts talking to me (a bundle would be dope)

[@douglasbutler7046]

Will adding creatine help with my muscles looking flat when doing a 24 or 48 fast?

[@traquangarnett734]

Can we get some meme’s of Justin saying “oh No” I feel like that could be his catchphrase 🤣

[@bassioelmucho]

Lets hear what they Gott, Man!

[@koniichua18]

I don't have a girlfriend, but I hope this can help me get one now. Let's go Mind Pump!

[@johnschutte71]

Boom baby!!!

[@PooFace2030]

Baby boomers?

[@nathanpence5865]

Amazing interview. I hope to have a wife one day I can use all these tips on!! Sal, any thoughts on the roe v wade part of the convo? If I remember correctly, you were not against the recent overturn and you believed it to be constitutional. Does it carry any weight to have these two speak their minds on it? Am I mis-characterizing your stance?

[@claylogan1778]

Man a MAPS program sounds lit

[@MindPumpShow]

Winner Winner! Please email Ann [e-mail] with a screenshot of your youtube username, winning episode number, and the email address you would like the program under and we will get you hooked up.

[@uprightcr2744]

Relationships are an integral part of the life experience. Without my wife, I would be very unstable. She reminds me that no matter how hard things get, I will always have someone down in the mud with me. Sometimes it’s easy to stay down, when you don’t have someone else there to tell you that you’re there. I used to go to the gym to check out thotties, but now I go there to be healthy, and prolong my life with her and my children. Besides… thotties ruin everything. But really… what is the point of all of this crap we go through every day, if we don’t have someone to share the reward with.

[@tonystyles21]

Mind pump changed my life for the better

[@YoungMule]

I wonder what they would attribute to the staggering divorce rate and what their general thoughts about it are

[@nikolashug4619]

Didn't even list the redflags from chapter 6 of the book.

[@A_n_y_t_i_m_e]

People mix love with limerence& infatuation, which lasts up to 5 years. Guess why most relationships fall apart during that period...

[@dimasavila9158]

My ex Narcasist displayed all 4 all time. I'm not perfect I offered counselling she said what for. 😂

[@wuukydukes3991]

IF every person in the black community was taught this the world would BE SUCH a BETTER place! FACTS ARE FACTS! BLUELIVESMATTER!

[@mo07r1]

They have a lot of good advice, but its interesting that she said said men need to become ok with women making more than them.. sure, some guys will have that problem, however MOST women only want to be with someone that makes more than them, its called hypergamy, and many divorces happen after a woman gets a raise and then thinks she deserves a higher income guy. Do they skip this because the audience is mostly men?

[@vanpaul147]

The chores thing lost me. Complete bullsh*t. Never has Chad ever vaccum his FWB carpet

[@WastdTrashPanda]

They lost me when they talked about the political thing. Let wherever abort their babies until birth, my state can keep it's heartbeat laws. The feds don't need to have a say in that, and that's what the roe v Wade reversal does.

[@MindPumpShow]

That’s was rough for me too

[@grcamatter]

abortion is taking womens rights away?? and then immediately talking about religion..?? very interesting talk, not a complete waste.

[@woody558]

The Roe v Wade comment comes off as a political cheap shot and a shallow understanding of what the decision actually did. Wish you would have pushed back on that more.

[@alefept]

Agreed. I was disappointed in how the guys handled that.

[@MindPumpShow]

@@alefept we discussed that afterward. It’s not what the conversation was about and getting in to a political debate would most likely distract people from the real value in the content . Zoom also adds another layer of challenges with 5 people in a conversation . We’ve actually had to burn episodes we’ve done over zoom Becuase we were debating with someone and it sounds terrible in that setting .

[@alefept]

@@MindPumpShow understandable. Glad to see you guys addressing it in the comments. I know that I appreciate watching Mind Pump because it is educational, entertaining, and free of wokeness.

[@deeannaburns912]

It was an offshoot, I believe, of the discussion about how men’s and women’s roles have changed. John said the gain of respect in society for women is a big positive change. Women have had to fight really hard to gain things like the right to vote, the right to have a checking account without a man’s signature, the right to have a career and work in an office without being sexually harassed, and the right to be in charge of our own bodies. We are not baby making machines or pieces of property, which is why men should not even be involved in the debate over abortion.

[@sarahschultz350]

Lost me as soon as it got political

[@markd2209]

No thanks. See ya’s tomorrow.

[@alefept]

I disagree with the Roe v Wade argument. Abortion was never a constitutional right. The Supreme Court decision gave power back to the states where it belongs. In my lifetime, I have never been a second class citizen.