Love Is Blind's Clay Gravesande & Mom Margarita: The Untold Story | Dear Future Wifey Ep 812

EXCLUSIVE: Love Is Blind's CLAY GRAVESANDE and His Mom MARGARITA Tells All | Dear Future Wifey Podcast Episode 812
The most controversial episode in the history of Netflix's Love Is Blind, has set the stage to have conversations around how childhood trauma can impede decisions on marriage. Clay Gravesande, joined by his mom, Margarita Gravesande, share the yellow couch as we unpack the decision Clay made that upset the world. Should he have gone through with the marriage? Should he have ended the relationship earlier? This episode encourages you to choose the side of healing... "Please Heal, Black Man."
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[@sonyawimpye4464]

Unpopular opinion: I commend Clay for knowing he wasn’t ready to fully (emotionally and mentally) commit to someone he’s known for 6-8wks…even if he waited til the alter. (The point of the show, which many has done before this season). We saw him struggled the whole time about seeing himself as a husband. He knew there was more work to be done within himself. His crown was shifted, it never fell off. Keep doing the work king!

[@rosilandmalone5421]

💙

[@PrincessLisa2U]

I couldn't agree more.

[@Shavon8799]

Yessss I ABSOLUTELY agree with your response. It was sad to see him tell her No but I appreciated his honesty and transparency!

[@angelajg]

Amen

[@msaishathomas]

Yessss Yessss Yessss! The hard part is he did with millions watching a produced show that makes us unconsciously get into “fairy tale ending” mode. We also have sister AD that also requires some healing and growth that she mentioned. We tend to forget those moments we needed grace to grow from whatever the (______) fill in the blank moment was. Some might need to ask if they have unconsciously lost grace for men and how many moments we wished somebody broke it off with us versus take us through a rollercoaster that lead to more damage in the end. Clay has a lot to take responsibility for and I do think there was covering he could have done for AD before going to the altar. He is also sounds like the first in his family to work on healing at this level with no blueprint of how to do this. Mistakes will be made on the journey of designing a generation’s first blueprint on healing before partnership. If anything, Clay & AD with the help of Clay’s parents opened up a topic that many people needed to see that I hope results in more healing so healthier relationships can be birthed from it.

[@ericadawn2717]

Please do not compare this emotionally intelligent young MAN to Derrick Jackson. They are NOT the same. At all! ☺️ Thanks for having Clay on.💪🏾 🙏🏾 Proud of him.

[@iamtheejlatrice]

I don't think he was comparing the two men per say, but moreso the experience of having two "unpopular" social influences on his show... one being one that drove his revenue down and one who he hopes won't do the same because of the way people feel about him. I think he's pretty safe with this episode though. I hope so anyway.

[@ericadawn2717]

Yes he is safe with this one. People don't have the same smoke for him as they did/do Derrick (if they know how the show LIB works). He made the right/smart choice. I was actually one who stopped watching this channel when Derrick was brought on. Clay brought me back. 🤷🏽‍♀ @@iamtheejlatrice

[@ajkelly86]

At all!!

[@essencekk]

6 in one hand, half a dozen in the other

[@simonewoodberry5053]

Thanks for having Clay, no Comparison in my opinion.

[@tierramonique]

God doesn't make any mistakes. His storyline was needed on Love Is Blind. Many people were able to see how your childhood can affect your relationships(romantic and platonic) as an adult. It also showed how women will ignore all the signs that say , "Do not marry him, He's not ready" just to be a wife. Thank you, Laterras, for bringing Clay and his mother on the show. His mother's conversation with his Dad was vital to understanding Clay. Parents have to eat humble pie and own up to our actions and apologize to our kids(grown or young) when we drop the ball. I commend Clay for letting her know he wasn't ready to marry her. I don't think she was mature enough to care for his heart and understand what was actually going through his head. People (the viewers)get caught up in the romantic side of the show and cast judgment without understanding. This season was a great learning experience for everyone who watched. I learned a lot about myself and what to look for in a future purpose partner.

[@Shavon8799]

I concur with your response! This season was a great learning tool! I as well appreciated his mother and the dialogue she shared, sooooo valuable!!

[@PicturesofHealth-POH]

So true

[@monettevalliere]

Well said. I just hope that Clay's dad can come to an understanding of the entire situation. I think his input will resonate way more than Clay's mom input. Yes, his mother is stellar, amazing, all all excellence. However, Clay's dad needs to show up.

[@dianagill2176]

Clay and his mother blessed me 1:51:22

[@cacinabell3369]

Everything you said to the T I agreed with!! 💯

[@KristaV]

Myself, and nearly all of my female friends are either in therapy, or have been before. None of us are perfect, but a lot more women seem to be doing the work to become healed and whole before pursuing romantic relationships. We’re not asking men to come to us perfect, or completely baggage free. We’re just asking you to start the work before you get to us, so you don’t harm us on your pathway to healing. You can’t keep raking us over the coals to keep yourself warm, and then asking us for grace afterwards.

[@dswannbeautyartist]

💯

[@kristinesmith1665]

Yes, that part!

[@TheBenitaAngela]

That’s the ideal BUT we have to accept that women are inherently and socialized to be more comfortable with being emotional, talking about our emotions, and processing our emotions. That is NOT a thing for men. Still. It’s the goal, but it is just not a social norm in our society so… while it can be a desire that a man will be that self-aware and emotionally mature… we also have to accept that those are rare men. And that it’s likely that a relationship or child will prompt a man to do that. So… I focus more on encouraging them to do the work. Normalizing mental health care in ALL forms and… raising my son to be emotionally intelligent

[@terriaharris1170]

WELL said! 👍👍👍👍👍

[@MzEmpressnia]

Facts

[@BossBrandi0722]

If we actively listen to this conversation without our judgement ears, we might learn a thing or two. Honestly, I watched the show, and I was confused with his decision but listening to him now on this podcast I feel like i understand him more. Laterras, I am proud of you for giving this King the space for him to be open and transparent throughout this interview and tell his story. This world is lacking in Grace, we are so quick to judge people without knowing everything. Great interview and I'm ready for Wednesday interview as well. This season has been LIT for real

[@ernestowen6418]

Mama Gravesande is indeed the TRUTH and I can listen to her all day. She’s such a wealth of WISDOM! Laterras, thank you again for this wonderful interview and thank you for succumbing to The Holy Spirit for bringing Clayton on the show. There’s SO much to unpack from this interview and I would recommend anyone desiring to heal to watch this. Finally, we need to give ourselves and others, grace!

[@DearFutureWifey]

Thanks

[@lovelightshinellc]

Thank you Laterras for hosting this healing and safe space for Clay! Throughout the show Clay was open, honest and the viewers could see he had some apprehension about marriage. Clay with a pure heart and good intentions God will always bless you. I loved seeing the amazing support Clay and his mother shared. This was truly a healing conversation. Laterras thank you for being Obedient to God. May this interview increase your revenue and other opportunities to host healing spaces for black King! Seed planted and God Blessed it! 🌱🌳🙏🏽

[@MsE711]

I hope A.D. gets the chance to come on this show and speak.

[@SymonnePat]

You know Laterras already has it in motion😂

[@MizzSweetTe]

@@SymonnePatABSOLUTELY

[@BossBrandi0722]

Yep he be on it for sure@@SymonnePat

[@ThePurplegirl9]

Totally agree👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@herfamiller139]

100%👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@Teenahy]

Key takeaways for me, "give yourself grace, and give others grace" and "disobedience to God can extend our time in the wilderness/darkness"

[@khandygurl01]

As a person who has been scoped out and pursued to be casted on Love Is Blind, I can say that the casting directors BLATANTLY & clearly explain exactly how the process goes. So there’s no way any individual can have a skewed or unknown expectation of what the experiment is like. You ARE there to find marriage… With a total stranger… Within a VERY short time… I think that’s the issue people find with this situation, as to why it seems like he was playing games. And as a Mental Health Therapist who studies relationships, it is often the Black man (my one & only favorite type of man) struggles with looking like they’re playing games because they simply don’t gather the clear, direct facts. Yes, these “reality” shows are far from real… But EVERYONE watching the show knows the purpose of it, and to reiterate, as an individual pursued to be casted, we are explained very clearly, the process. Now, it is very true that we all have decisions , up until that very last day or very last second at the alter, BUT to know you’ve gone on a show that is at a SERIOUS level, and you , ya family, etc. KNEW it wasn’t that serious or high level of significance, THAT is where the issue lies. Don’t use a show that is meant to produce something serious, as a stepping stone to you healing yourself for relationships. Maybe… Use a dating app that doesn’t utilize photos, there are those. Lol utilize a therapist & healthy support system to help hold you accountable to meeting a woman and creating & sustaining a healthy emotional connection, since you’re trying to stray from leading with physical connections. Don’t utilize a show that’s on a certain level of KNOWN & UNDERSTOOD seriousness, when you were never even there, in the first place.

[@lovebug6388]

THIS! THIS! It's the lack of accountability, deflecting and gaslighting for me. Like were you looking for screen time to boost your IMDB? It's giving inauthentic and disingenuous 🙄😡 Stop playing with people's hearts lest you end up on a T-shirt.....

[@roka2031]

Right..... I don't know why Laterras would interview this guy

[@TLG2211]

Right,that’s the issue at hand, no one is denying the fact he needs to heal and that him acknowledging that is a good thing. But you knew your intentions going in, that’s the main point here, he did play with her time , using this show for healing essentially or to do dating differently… like you said , he should have used other things for this

[@praise_eze]

Y'all should please rest

[@wandac3676]

This is exactly where I am coming from. I am all for his thought process, but not for the venue he executed in because his decisions effect others who are there for the real reason of the show...and no one said he had to get engaged. He could have just done the pods.

[@shelly8965luv]

I think that it’s unfair that Clay has to be the “Poster Child” and profusely apologize for going to the alter to say that he was not ready for marriage. I feel like every platform that he’s on, I’m seeing him explain why… and apologize. There were people before him that was on the show that didn’t get nearly half as much backlash as he seems to have gotten. He had EVERY RIGHT to make the decision that was BEST FOR HIM!! I feel bad that AD got hurt but they BOTH signed up for this show and knew the consequences. Like his mom said and I’ve said before that he’s not the only one who has gotten up to the alter and said no!!! That’s the premise of the show!!! On one of the seasons, a guy named Bartese got up there and said that he wasn’t ready too, so WHY is everyone coming down on Clay?!?!?

[@asiamwithraenetteleepodcast]

Truuuuue I think it’s because he expressed his doubt the whole time told that makes people upset but tbh I’m more upset with AD for ignoring the signs why didn’t she love herself enough to realize she deserves someone a 100% sure? But then again life is imperfect so this is both their first lessons that many people watching have already learned

[@sonyawimpye4464]

EXACTLY!!!! 🎯🎯. Bc at the end of the day… LIB cares nothing about who finds love… it’s about ‘good’ TV. And making an educated, well spoken, business minded , handsome, successful Black man the villain….so be it!! All the hype, good or bad, keeps LIB a buzz. And that’s messed up. This is why 1st season married couple, The Hamilton’s, didn’t watch… they know this show has lost its integrity …or is now finally exposed.

[@tracysb75]

The reason he received so much backlash is because AD mentioned in her post interviews that they spoke and she asked him to not embarrass her and go to the alter if he’s unsure. He told her if they got to the alter, he would not embarrass her. That’s why she was surprised because he said he wouldn’t say no at the alter. According to AD she even told him, it’s ok if he wasn’t ready. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@arielysbibian]

Clay was transparent thru the whole process. Let’s be honest if we were on the show half of us would be crucified for our actions.

[@Taytimethursday]

I was so annoyed that the world wanted this man to marry a woman he wasn’t ready to be married. It’s crazy that ppl would rather see a happy ending instead of a happy couple.

[@Teenahy]

And that's the culture that we are living in. Wanting the "happy ending" then flaging then when it don't work out

[@Freee479]

I think what people would have preferred is that he not come on the show at all knowing fully well he’s not ready for marriage. I also blame the producers for literally pressing him nonstop to be on the show even after he repeatedly told them he didn’t wanna get married

[@2cool57th]

In the 1st 7 minutes he admitted he didn’t have intentions of getting married. Knowing what the show entails, he should’ve decided not to be on the show. I think that’s everyone’s real issue with Clay. Nothing wrong with healing, identifying he’s not ready for marriage, or an emotionally intelligent man speaking his truth. But he bypassed things a lot of us feel that he already knew for an opportunity at fame, and at the cost of humiliation of another person.

[@taeboogie7304]

my thoughts exactly, it’s the fact his intentions were never to marry in the first place. He could’ve picked a different show or something 😂

[@LavidaLovesCoils]

Right because neither him nor his mother even knew what show they were on. 🤦🏾‍♀️ I mean Clay knew but you’re right, he had zero intention. AD was a pawn but I hope that a man finds her value.

[@jenniferluvsbooks]

What about what AD needed from him? The conversation is continually about how she protected him, built him up, encouraged him etc. To me, she played the role of a second mother rather than a potential wife. And the conversation about maintaining her looks didn't sit well with me. Bodies change as we age and she deserves someone who loves her heart as well as her body no matter how she changes. The show is for people who are ready to get married. If he wasn't ready, why go on there.

[@angekouacou9031]

The show is about being married or not . What about people that didn’t got married in the show. Stopped having your emotions on people kids . He didn’t feel like he had to be married at the time period. Do you how AD ll be with him after the show.

[@thechristiansocialite1222]

"What about what AD needed from him?" I asked the same...BUT, that's what AD needed to asks herself. Or, recognized that she needed him to pour into her.. her weakness ... her shortcomings. She "may" have did so. But, it was more towards "he's listening to me" He's fulfilling me or validating me that I'm a supporter of him. Because she want him to see her as such, etc. You know the "One" But, she need something too. She did not share her fears so that he could pour into her. He did more sharing then did she did. I only remember her mentioning about his time with her (I could be wrong). He's not there due to "work" In other words, "Is he really working or does he want to be here with me?" AD should have halted going to the alter. She was doing well being a listening ear. Encouraging him, etc. With that said, she should have said, "Clay, I love you and I want to marry you, too. But, I want what's best for you and me. If you need time to heal from your childhood exposure to marriage, heal. I will go with you to therapy, etc." You know something like that. Because to "me" that's shows love. You want what's best for the person. You want them to be the husband or wife they desire to be. Don't say, "I got you. I got you." AD constantly said. But, when you get married. And, things start to happen within the marriage. You become a different person. Point the finger "He change" He didn't change "you" did. He kept telling you. Your response was "I got you". Don't let your desire to be a wife, fear, insecurities and ego get in the way of you showing true love.

[@mommyme6073]

In marriage, we need grace, let us pay attention to that first AD needs to go before God and ask if Clay is a part of her purpose before it's too late !

[@marynash4746]

This.... Why did he go🤦🏼‍♀️

[@LavidaLovesCoils]

I agree. He was coddled throughout this episode. Where is the accountability? Don’t drag women to hell with you on your ascendance to healing. It’s unfair to leave a trail of bodies along the way where women have to pick up the pieces, emotionally, mentally, and physically mostly on their own where it counts.

[@DeajaneWilson]

I really don’t understand how people say they want men to open up and tell their side but when their side is not palatable to some they immediately project negativity onto them. I still encourage Black men to be vulnerable but I understand why they have a hard time doing so. I pray people heal so they can stop placing their stuff onto everybody else.

[@dswannbeautyartist]

I feel people don’t have an issue with it if they feel it’s genuine.

[@Sungoddessz]

Where's the accountability?!

[@vazyvas4712]

I don’t think anybody is downing him for sharing his emotions.. I haven’t seen that be anyone’s issue

[@mymakersdaughter6041]

Agreed! Great comment!

[@dswannbeautyartist]

@@vazyvas4712 exactly the issue is how he told her no at the alter. That was very calculated. People will say that’s the show bs even if he told her at the alter the whole song and dance he did before telling her was wild.

[@beunapologetically9194]

I honestly feel like there is a lot of truth in what Clay has disclosed to us. Although I don’t think he should’ve went on the show with all the reservations and issues he had because the show was about getting married within that quick timeline. I’m sure they went over that with him. He is not fully at fault here because AD chose to ignore a lot of red flags. I do feel whole heartedly that his purpose on the show was for the healing needed for his family. I loved the scene between his mom and dad. We needed to see something real like that on television. I hope they are all healing!

[@gladysflournoy4555]

I think Trey is responsible because he came on a show about marriage. He made a decision to come on this show so it is his fault, my opinion. He is a man he could have told her NO before he took her to the alter, that is called RESPECT. AD told him it was okay but don’t embarrass her at the alter. He stated that he didn’t come on the show to get married. It kills me how people only think of themselves and not how their actions affected other people. I don’t understand how he had to hurt families because his family needed healing, that don’t make any sense me. I understand that everyone make mistakes but we have be responsible for our actions and not blame anyone for our decisions, that is when the healing begin.

[@selenacarr8104]

@@gladysflournoy4555 I am trying to understand why are people so negative toward Clay. He is not the first person to say no at the Altar. The first season their were five couple that went to the altar. Three couples said no at the altar. Giovanni couldn’t handle when Damien said no to her because she tore a piece of her dress and threw it in his hands out of angrier. She then ran out of the church running down the road. Her mother had to run after her and she fell on the ground in her wedding dress. The fifth season two guys said no to their fiancé and which was Paul he told Micah no and she continue to date him afterward. But no one tore these guys down like they are doing Clay. Those guys all called off their weddings at the Altar. I know it was other couples who said no but I missed watching some of the seasons. Leave Clay along because he is being honest about the impact his father may in his life as a young kid with his father’s infidelity. You do know a this young man looked up to his father. Atleast he is getting help and dealing with his childhood trauma. AD is absolutely beautiful and has an amazing body. However, she is acting as though she has lot of options now but the reality she has to deal with the same men or her choices before coming to the show. Nothing changed the dating arena is the same. I like what Clay is doing he is seeking counseling and continuing to work hard in his business. It was an excellent interview with his mother on the Tameron Hall show on Friday. It was good to see them being interview by Tameron Hall a journalist. AD going on Jennifer Hudson show is not the answer because she was engaged for ten years to her son’s father and she didn’t marry him. He wanted to marry her but she didn’t want him. Also she is now dating Common a habitual cheater. She can’t give anyone any advice on relationship. AD perhaps need to focus on her intellect and not her amazing body. Everyone is very aware of that and we all know looks fade and life happens. I pray God’s blessings over AD and Clay and that he healed them both after this experiment. I pray they take the time to know themselves and learn each other. They are a beautiful couple together and hope nothing but favor and blessings for them both.🙏🏽🥰

[@Freee479]

⁠@@selenacarr8104first of all the show shouldn’t have recruited him after he told them severally that he had to plans of getting married. He himself should have insisted he wouldn’t come on the show cos he have no intentions of getting married, lastly he could have told her it’s a definite NO to marriage so they won’t need to go to the altar. Just cos other couples went to the altar and said no dosent mean he should have done that to AD too and keep in mind in early seasons all the engaged couples that are being filmed had to go to the altar else they would pay a 50k fine. It’s different now so there’s that too

[@chees24]

Somebody get his Momma a Podcast. She dropped MAD JEWELS. That wisdom RIGHT there!!!! My God My God. Set her up with a Master Class. I'll enroll! God bless You💚💚💚

[@easterneewilliams5960]

Love mom for the win.Mom likes AD for her son.AD was all in.I think both of them are ready now for each other.Don't let that woman go to far.God had him and AD to meet for a reason. If she's single go get her

[@t.mcgahee]

Three reasons Neftflix wanted Clay on the show : 1.He’s Fine, 2. He’s VERY Good Looking 3. They knew his stance .. he was casted to shake things up. Thats all 💁🏾‍♀️

[@amandaslay6045]

That may have been his reasons too. Oh I’ll add one, promote his airbnb 😂

[@gbrow3191]

Yep!

[@FaithWalks]

Yep! I they love their narratives. Villians, baby faces

[@margaretturner4467]

And he was / is upper middle class.

[@lauryjerry1566]

Now we know !!! Good for him for transparency

[@victoriaolarinmoye9758]

Thank you Laterras for stepping out in faith to do this episode! It was truly a blessing.

[@GiGi-wm9ec]

Clay was the vessel not just for his family's healing, but for so many other sons, fathers, mothers and daughters to mend those misunderstood and aching hearts. I feel his story will heal so many and Mama is an Earthly Angel with wisdom transcending all over our land. As for AD, only time will reveal... May God Bless Them All!

[@czs2003]

Before this interview, I was one of the ones that was mad at Clay for breaking AD's heart. However, after this interview, I see him in a completely different light now. I understand why he said no, and I respect it. I didn't realize the short timeline of events. Once he gets the healing that he needs through therapy, he is going to make some woman a very happy wife. His mother is the example of what God and therapy can produce. Great interview!

[@verarogers1357]

What is so wrong with wanting to heal, give this man grace

[@lovebug6388]

Nothing wrong with healing. Stop engaging with folks when Y'KNOW you need to heal. At some point you have to break the cycle of hurt people hurt people, 🙄 sit yo behind down somewhere and be still while you heal.

[@AngelaWalton-fp3bp]

He deserves grace but not another chance with AD. Everyone should be able to heal without hurting others in the process.

[@divinerae4966]

But what you think, he didn't know he was gonna say no? It was heartbreaking because I really thought he was gonna say yes🙏🏽🙏🏽💜

[@yolandalcheek462]

He should have been did that! Why go on a show like that knowing you damaged goods? Seems strange to me.

[@yolandalcheek462]

Ladies, ladies. A man will lay with you and leave his broken-ness and residue in you! Even when he knows he Doesn't want you. Your body was a toilet for him. He preyed and conquered you!

[@RugbyPrincessT]

Being married 23 years with your husband constantly cheating on you, is NOT something to be celebrated. Are these people ok?

[@lovebug6388]

No, they're not. This is what our grandmothers and great grandmother's HAD to live through in order to survive. Some people celebrate the length and never consider the quality of marriage. Notice how many traditional wives are NOW divorcing their husbands because they realized they were duped. Show me a faithful, loving, caring marriage that's weathered some seasons that DON'T include infidelity, side babies and or STDs where they're still crazy about each other after 20+ years and THEN we can celebrate 🥂🥳.

[@marcilenewatkins9274]

This! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@timeme03]

The whole marriage was not a shame! Let be real they had kids. There was some love there some partnership. It's not every second and every minute the man was cheating. Just because Netflix decided to zoom in on his parents marriage doesn't mean it was all that bad. 23 years still means something!

[@ranaebarker1443]

What prodcast did you just watch? Because I saw no celebration of 23 years of cheating. I heard her say a celebration happened after the truth was revealed and the family were able to speak truth and accept apologies. She stated she was given the okay by our heavenly Father to leave yet she stayed another 12 years, and for that she paid the price. I don't watch the show they are referring to and today was my first time being introduced to them, however I can tell you based on this conversation , they are okay. Mother has done the work to heal and God rewarded her by allowing her ex-husband to finally render a heart felt apology, she might not even know she needed.

[@angeleyes3396]

@@lovebug6388 My parents have been married for 40 years. No infidelity, side babies, or STDs. Not perfect but no b/s. My dad respects my mom’s personhood and my mom respects my dad’s leadership. She got the first and best of everything. They worked as partner (equal but different) and now retiring with enough to live a healthy retirement and reinvest half their savings for us 4 daughters and their 9 grandchildren. Just to give insight, each of their girls and our families will inherit 1M each. My grandparents have a similar story. They were both sharecropper’s kids. My grandfather allowed my grandmother to finish college/get a career. My grandfather supported her throughout her life and later in life went back to college to accomplish his dream. I and other of his grandchildren actually graduated with him. Even in sickness, the last 7 years of my grandmother’s life, she was bedridden, unable to talk, walk, even eat without a tube. He cared for her at their home, never put her away in a nursing home. We, as his legacy, did the same for him in his last days. There’s true love out there…outside the bells, whistles, and material expectations, in spite of egos and shortcomings, People that commit to each other and the offspring they produce for life. Weathering life together and building a legacy for their future. Yea it’s troubling in today’s dating scene. But some of us can’t deny the power of love when you’ve seen in firsthand in your life.

[@beatfacecait]

He knew he wasn’t ready BEFORE he got on the show…hell he didn’t even do enough research to even watch the show prior to signing up HOWEVER I am so glad you invited him on the yellow couch. So many men need support in healing

[@karenowens4504]

I agree. He thought AD was going to date him after the show even though she said no, he did not believe her and took his chances. Date her after the show, want the wiffie ways but not put a ring on it.

[@Stephanie-bh6jw]

exactly.

[@dw9054]

Yes and AD needed help too and will be a great discussion. She wasn’t ready either.

[@jsuarmy08]

My exacy sentiments.

[@ShutUpAndBump]

I’ve watched people swear they were ready for marriage on that show and be the absolute worst ones on the show!! Who is truly ready for something like that when the process is so intense and unnatural… It’s unrealistic to think anyone is “READY” to marry a person after 4-6 weeks of knowing them. It’s a risk either way!

[@mercedesinspires]

For me, it wasn’t him talking about cheating that lead me to believe he knew beforehand he would say, “No”. It was when they were in their apartment and he asked her the hypothetical question about them NOT getting marriage and continuing to date. And she said she would walk away then.

[@fealee3094]

And at that moment he should have been honest with her and allow her the choice to walk

[@mommyme6073]

Sometimes, the wait is the blessings ❤

[@renee560]

A question like that is NEVER hypothetical. While it would have been nice for him to just come right out and say "I don't want to do this", we cannot dismiss the fact that he told her over and over through his questions and concerns that he did not want to do it. Had she not talked him off the ledge almost every episode, it may have ended sooner. This season was very educational.

[@RitaRi83]

3 weeks is not that long. I think it was very responsible for him not to jump into a marriage. He played the game and AD will be found by her husband eventually.

[@SteadyStepss]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@YourMilkAndHoney]

Exactly 3 weeks is crazy and you could tell they wouldn’t have made it.

[@estheromeben7711]

Period

[@mymakersdaughter6041]

I can listen to his mother speak all day every day! Her voice, mannerism and words are so calm, encouraging and edifying! What a gift she was!

[@marciadawson4183]

You also need to bring on AD and her mom

[@jessthecreativeee]

Every time he talks about his job getting in the way of him actually committing to process, living in the townhouse, actually seeing AD every day before those "last two weeks"... it just shows me how unprepared he was for this SMH

[@user-kx1sl8wd1s]

It’s him making a statement saying that he tried to get out of it

[@jessthecreativeee]

@@user-kx1sl8wd1s oh and don’t forget he went into it thinking “I’m not going to get married” and that’s exactly what happened

[@snatrarazerera7731]

One thing i have learnt as i have grown older is not to judge someone based on their journey that i haven't even personally walked/experienced. It's not easy to do this, but I always try to stop and remind myself to extend grace. Im saying this to say, "Let's give this young man some grace as he alone knows what he has gone through and how it influenced the decision he made at the altar. Best wishes to both Clay and AD.

[@eebz5]

Season one was the best season of this show. The ppl that got married are still married 5yrs later. It was authentic. I feel like now most ppl have an agenda. True connection no matter how quick can work.

[@MzzTPC]

Agreed. I haven't watched many more at all after that. The pandemic had some good shows.... those 2nd seasons got into the hype of society.

[@MzzTPC]

Another GREAT show birthed out of the pandemic - DEAR FUTURE WIFEY! Standing the test of time!

[@quathetruth8314]

Yes they want paid partnerships now smh they seen how well Lauren did and immediately wanted the clout. But Lauren and her husband are one in a million.

[@melissamcfarlini_emerge1614]

I agree!

[@karenmcgee1869]

I really like your comment!

[@alisabethalyse5244]

All of followers that unsubscribed with that other interview WILL BE REPLACED by this truth that needed to come forth about our black men. This was the BEST interview of all interviews you’ve done…powerful! I’m so convicted from beginning to end. Thank you!!!

[@shesavedbytheKing]

Clay was on his show for himself, hope he got some healing.

[@shesavedbytheKing]

And what I mean was the show was therapy for him.

[@whereshamegoestodie]

I love that he’s honors AD in interviews instead of bashing her, like a lot of people would’ve done as a defense mechanism. We have to understand that we watch people through a screen and no matter how we feel, we don’t know these people fr. I feel like we need to give people grace and not be so divisive. Also uncle Laterras, please don’t stop being an outlet for (black) men, no matter the backlash. There are not an abundance of platforms like this where men get to speak freely without judgment or subtle shady remarks being thrown (like I’ve seen happen with this particular young man in interviews iykyk). You also correct but you do it in love. Women have a lot of places we can go for an outlet, those who choose to leave will be fine. They’re less healthy outlets for black men though. We want men to express themselves and be transparent, but we shut them right on up when they do. I think you’re a God-send for this man. People can be offended and leave if they want to but keep fulfilling your mission. God’s got you.

[@YourMilkAndHoney]

I love this comment ! I think we forget at times that black men are also human who have human feelings and are living life on earth for the first time like many of us. We all make mistakes that we have to learn from , none of us are perfect

[@whereshamegoestodie]

Right!

[@calikeisha365]

@@whereshamegoestodielet’s not forget that he’s gotten his friends to bash her.

[@ImJustHere87]

⁠@@calikeisha365 I’m curious…what evidence do you have that Clay is responsible for his friend’s posts?

[@tammyg8659]

Completely agree!! I don’t think there was anything wrong in doing that interview with Derrick. Keep listening to the holy spirit

[@rhondawade9229]

This episode really touched my soul so deeply! Let's just say I have a son, that didn't say no😢😢. Please heal before getting into marriage because hurt people hurt people unintentionally. I truly understand both sides of this, but Clay's journey is not our journey!! God has his way of getting our attention by any means necessary!❤❤💜💜🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@YourMilkAndHoney]

I don’t understand how people going to say good things about the mother but trash her son ?? Clay has the right to say no at the altar and her mother said the exact same thing on the show weather he knew about the show or not he went on with the intention of EXPERIMENTING weather he can make an emotional connection on an EXPERIMENTAL tv show …. He did nothing wrong …

[@beefranco4789]

Clay is consistently missing the point of the negative comments and digging a deeper whole in all these interviews. He keeps saying he didn’t think 6 weeks was enough. He should not have gone on the show period point blank. It seems opportunistic and manipulative of someone else’s feelings to propose to them and then take it back when you knew that you never believed in the experiment to begin with. He says “ I saw it as an opportunity to not focus on the physical” baby you need therapy not an opportunity to play with someone’s heart. He shouldn’t have been on the show. It was a waste of ADs time because she is ready for marriage and he clearly admitted that he wasn’t. The show won’t magically make you ready and you knew that.

[@VonnieVon86]

Marriage isn't something to " try!" I commend him for saying no. I wish them both peace. Great interview!!❤

[@alanamoore3343]

So excited to watch this. I love Clay and his mom! I don't think enough people have grace for him. I love his transparency.

[@shesavedbytheKing]

I think AD had a lot of love and understanding. She just felt like he led her on to let her down.

[@alanamoore3343]

Oh yes I agree AD was very understanding. I think it's sad that they didn't end up on the same page even though they planned to be.

[@shesavedbytheKing]

Exactly!

[@CassandraChaPaul]

To see comments where people think this man is unauthentic only proves to me FURTHER, people are so used to FAKE and LIARS, they are able to recognize TRUTH, HONESTY and Authenticity! Salute to you Clay! GIVE PEOPLE TIME and GRACE TO GROWwwwwww. Its A PROCESS!

[@goodvybesbeauty5902]

Don’t be fooled sis don’t let the fact you think he look cute blind ya. He’s been super contradictory in other interviews.

[@amandaslay6045]

Girl his ex has spoken. He hasn’t changed lol but seems like he can easily swoon yall with that six pack and chocolate skin 😂

[@goodvybesbeauty5902]

@@amandaslay6045 lol facts

[@janinepolanco319]

Please have AD and her mother on next! ❤

[@tynesha3710]

Two things you are going to get from Dear Future Wifey interviews: context and reference! If you are open, you'll also get your breakthrough ❤ All of these were needed for this Love is Blind discussion!

[@tashabnicole]

Yes, Clay was transparent during the process but the bottom line is he wasn't ready for marriage so why come on a show that you are essentially expected to get married. No one can force you to do a show that you don't want to do... period!

[@saraw7050]

"Healing is the new Black!" We, Black people, hold onto so much pain, hurt and offense that ends up making us sick, killing us and destroying our families and relationships. We can not live transformed, healed, whole, abundant lives without dealing with the truth and taking accountability for our own actions. This was an AMAZING interview. I appreciate Clay for sharing so much! How many children have witnessed their parents' infidelity, been made unwilling accomplices to it and then tremendously harmed by the unwarranted guilt that should have never been their's to carry. Ms. Margarita is the hero that we can all be if we are willing to put in the work. It saddens me how many families implode or explode when a particular family member dies because of all the unnecessary crap ( I want to say another word.) that goes unacknowledged and unresolved out of fear and pride. Amen to the Gravesande family for making repair and healing priorities in their lives. I am proud of you, Laterras, for having the courage to step out on faith - time and time again - and be used by God to bring about His will and His glory!

[@girlmeetskingdom]

It baffles me how people are mad at this man they don’t know from what he did on a tv show. It’s ENTERTAINMENT!

[@abbys_musings]

Thank you!!! That's what I keep saying...lol

[@KimberlyReviews]

I don't know now my KZbin friend...what did he do? 👁‍🗨👁‍🗨 lol. Let me get caught up

[@kaylasweet5431]

Because someone actually got hurt. Someone’s heart is not for entertainment

[@sscott504]

An "experiment" at that...plus A.D. signed up for that possible outcome

[@aprilstravel7733]

Facts

[@cijidavis]

Not even halfway through this interview and I’ve smiled so much. It is so refreshing to see black men being transparent and accountable. Being able to articulate yourself without denigrating others is top notch! Both of these men are appreciated. Love the conversations that are being had and that will come from this ❤️.

[@melissamarchelle]

Damn, I done effed around and have a soft spot for Clay now. Bless his heart…. He means well 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

[@craziinancy1]

Not sure why they interpreted AD’s comment that way. When she said “I don’t want to his mom” I took that as “I don’t want to be cheated on for 20 years, I want my partner to be fully committed.”

[@milapatterson1025]

I didn’t watch this season but Clay is so articulate, intelligent and handsome that he has influenced me to watch this season. He has every right to make a decision that’s best for his life. I think he did the right thing. He and AD now can take the time and get to know each other in their time. He was raised right!!❤

[@aliciahenderson6503]

Clay broke that down so well!! Very well spoken, good job 👏🏾 God is using him for this message. 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾

[@talkitupwithtierramoniquepod]

"I felt he was saying I'm sorry to my heart" Powerful! This episode was and is powerful!

[@nicholebrown9474]

I’m glad he was honest with her up front. I would rather be heartbroken before a marriage than living in a marriage for years if that man was not ready. Great episode.. Thanks King for this platform.

[@letstalkwithdanuellepodcast]

You know I believe this is the reason why God bless this podcast because we all aren’t perfect but this podcast is always real !

[@Iamkrystamarie]

I’m happy to have him here. They both are great people 🤍

[@kelleyturner2238]

I finished listening to this interview. I want to know why Clay and his family felt it was okay to slander AD. It appears they became upset when she spoke about her financial situation. AD was prepared to go on this show. She stated she saved money so she would have time to go through this process. Also his family appears angry because she said at the reunion she did not want to be like his mom. She said respectively. What she means is not in a situation with someone cheating on her. She also stated she received clarity when saw Clay's mother and fathers conversation . So she meant no malice. AD has been only kind and graceful to the point people felt like she was foolish. The friends and family attacking her should have been addressed. Clay and AD have both taken a lot of criticism during this process AD even more so. But she is always gracious and appears to handle things better. Trying to make her look bad isn't cool. Joseph in the bibleb thought Mary may have cheated however the word say's. He decided to put her away privately not as to disgrace her even if she hadn't been faithful. This speaks to the character of a man. AD had already been hurt why cause more hurt. Doesn't make sense to me.

[@brittanymosley3649]

I looked for this. I hope Clay checked his best friend,bro and sis bc they were outta line. I love Clay and AD. She really spared him bc any other woman would have cussed him and the fam out for that. AD speaks well about Clay and his family so for them to say she got a sugar daddy and not in real estate was trash. I hate when fam and friends insert themselves between 2 people. If Clay had a 2 percent shot of a chance to get AD back his family ruined that for him.

[@patricehollywood6014]

I sincerely believe that he came on the show to advertise his business. Further, he is speaking more about his business and profits. I believe he is attacking AD cuz it makes for "good TV". No woman 'wants' to be his mother. I wld assume you want a marriage where you are not being deceived. I love his mother. But the reality is 24yrs of deception and teaching your kids to cheat is not a life many 'want'. Stay in therapy... not on podcasts promoting jet skis..... Sorry, not sorry. He knew exactly what he signed up for.

[@Sungoddessz]

Cus clay is a clown. He told his mothers business to a stranger and the world on national tv and didn't give af how that would impact his mom so he don't sure dgaf about AD

[@ThemBoysMomma]

He went on the show to get on tv and get “Social Media Famous”. Now all his trauma and everything can still be true but the thing that people don’t like about him is the fact that he ALREADY KNEW he wasn’t nobody’s husband right now! At the very least, it was a selfish move because unless he and AD had an agreement to let this play out on tv so they BOTH got what they wanted, he wrong for even signing up. Talmbout he scared he gonna cheat cause his Dad cheated….boi bye! 😂😂

[@ThemBoysMomma]

UPDATE: Seems like the producers are the bad guys! 😂😂

[@Call_It_Like_I_See_It-lu3wi]

Ms Margarita needed to recommend her son for therapy. He doesn’t need to be on ANY of these shows. He needs to heal the traumas within himself. Clay likes the idea of marriage, but he isn’t ready for marriage.

[@ShirleyLaTour]

I can truly relate with Ms Margarita…I caused so much self harm by disobeying God and staying…that wilderness is NO fun…BUT GOD still kept me🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 thank you Lord!

[@MonroeBishop1970]

This was a great interview! Definitely humanized Clay as a man who is being transparent & honest!

[@sierraewing2127]

This was a beautiful conversation. I’m truly proud of Clay and grateful for his transparency. His mother is a real treasure. Loved her gracious presence and the insight.

[@aliciasmith5012]

This is episode provided me with more insight on his thought process along with his inner struggles. I appreciate that he is being transparent while focusing on himself. I wish him the best on his healing journey and I'm hopeful that he will find peace and a lifetime partner at the end. Such a great episode.

[@cemplygloria6261]

I must admit I was a little shocked, I said a little shocked when Clay said no. But a part of me seen it coming. After the reunion, I have sooooo much respect for him for admitting he wasn't ready! Kudos to you Clay! I see you black man!

[@eveshalom3534]

When I watched the show, in the beginning I felt Clay wasn’t authentic. However I noticed he really was battling some trauma. He said more than a few times his biggest fear was not being ready or hurting her. We are grown-ups with childhood bruises.

[@wendycummings5384]

Maybe it's a generational thing but I couldn't comprehend what trauma he's trying to heal from. Could you please enlighten me?

[@eveshalom3534]

Based on my viewing & understanding, the trauma was seeing the man he loves & respects the most dishonor the woman (mom) he loves the most. Hence being mom & dad relationship. Most times we don’t notice we pick up our relationship style from what we witnessed growing up.

[@wendycummings5384]

​@@eveshalom3534 ok got it. I didn't watch the show. Thanks for the clarification.

[@AngelaWalton-fp3bp]

I still think he is full of shit. He wants what he is getting right now- attention.

[@user-yz7gv8nm4h]

I'm glad Clay spoke his truth and I hope people stop villanizing him and show him some grace.

[@Blckbrry500]

Hearing his mother speak was everything. ❤️

[@SteadyStepss]

Everything!!!!!!!

[@roslyntrotter-harmon4111]

For sure!

[@latoniamcgahee1025]

Yes!!!

[@meganrenee5581]

She is such a blessing

[@msmith9516]

Right! And even though she didn’t SAY it, I feel like she didn’t think they weren’t meant for each other at that time! Also, people leave the most important factor in a relationship of any kind and that’s GOD! When you listen to Him, you will never go wrong!

[@MHopper2]

I agree with Clay on the editing of these reality shows, especially when it come to black men AND women. I applaud him for not choosing to go through with the marriage. Was the timing bad? Sure, but I'm sure production played a huge role in encouraging them to at least make it to the altar. Married At First Sight has been rumored to do the same thing with decision day - pushing couples to keep going to aide in increasing their potential success rates. Clay sounds very authentic during this interview. Great job Latteras! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@brandibrooks1326]

You did it again! Absolutely loved this interview and hearing a different perspective. Loved seeing his mom supporting him through this.

[@tinarolandjewelry6842]

Wow, what a good interview! I’m so glad you covered it! Love that you brought on Clay’s mom as well.

[@TheKimmyd1234]

Thank you for having them on!! What an amazing episode. Clay and Margareta keep helping with healing our land with your story.

[@lesliesmith8725]

This conversation was needed. Thank you Laterras for being obedient. I am praying for Clay, His Mom… AD also… Healing will come🙏🏽❤️

[@ellechance2344]

LRW - I didn’t watch Love is Blind and I don’t know what Clay did or didn’t do. However, he’s been all over the KZbin. SO… I’m here for YOU! I understand the risk you’ve taken to do & share this interview.

[@maryarmstrong615]

Same Here! Only saw him when he was on the Sherri Sheppard show 4 being the run away groom 😳😳

[@devynnestarks5275]

Really loved this interview! So happy that the audience got to see Clay in a different light. Such a great conversation ❤️🙌🏾.

[@gigicrittenden2543]

Family HEALING brunch, thank you for that, that's going to truly help a lot of families, and I plan on doing it with my family, THANK YOU QUEEN ❤❤❤

[@annik9026]

This was amazing! Thanks for creating space for these necessary stories.

[@SheSharpNotFlat]

I’ve never seen any episode of Love is Blind but this episode was still felt. The son is very well spoken and I appreciate his transparency. Sounds like he was under a lot of pressure. It takes a lot for a man to not buckle in his position- where everyone is expecting one outcome but he goes against the grain. I can do nothing but respect that. His mom’s wisdom is divine. I admire her perspective on commitment after her failed married. She is full of gems!

[@EbonyBrownChats]

This is my first time watching the show. I literally cried because it once again showed me how hurt and broken we are. I literally prayed to God for love to win again. All of us need love so badly. We’ve become terrified of this beautiful gift that God gave us in the beginning of time. Yet we yearn for it so deeply. A partner to do life with. I pray that the Lord heals the broken hearted and mend our wounds so that our children and their children may love freely and excitedly! 🙏🏾❤️ Clay you’re amazing! AD you’re amazing! ❤

[@OhsoDarkNlovely]

This was a great interview! Proud of you Clay and Ms. Margarita!❤

[@Trice_Marie84]

So glad you have them on!!

[@CreatedByChrist_777]

This episodes keep getting better and better!!! WOW to GOD BE THE GLORY!!! Thank YOU for doing the work!

[@FeliciaR16]

Imagine if he healed PRIOR to going on the show and hurting this woman... i commend him for what he is doing now, but im tired of the same excuses.He keeps saying that he looked at all the women to see if they were wifey type or not, but he was wasn't husband type. NO ONE SHOULD GO INTO ANY SITUATION OF POTENTIAL MARRIAGE WITHOUT THERAPY

[@trinaesther1388]

It was said in the episode that women go to a wedding when getting married while men go to a funeral. This message is heavily portrayed in society and in the church. The men have a PhD in the qualities of a wife but they are clueless in what they should be as husbands. Women look forward to marriage more but it is also our group that files for divorce more as well.

[@lovebug6388]

@@trinaesther1388 we file for divorce more often because we no longer have to stay in abusive relationships. We no longer have to stay for the side chick, side babies, STDs, lack of parenting, lack of income, lack of emotional availability, lack of support, gaslighting, deflection, financial manipulation and all sorts of shenanigans that our mother's and grandmother's endured. Also, males will stay and drain you of your resources even when it's really bad. Once they find what they really want, they bounce "suddenly" leaving the woman devastated and blindsided.

[@trinaesther1388]

@@lovebug6388 I agree

[@yolandalcheek462]

That's my thing! Why healing wasn't the focus between 25-30, there's never been a healing period? until he went on a show to embrassing himself and a woman he didn't want! When will men get mature enough and tired of using women and heal before dragging a woman in his mud!

[@yolandalcheek462]

They love blaming stuff on editing. That gets on my last nerves

[@winniejean-pierre9605]

Laterras❤I think Clay’s mom is a great person to have on the show! I trust your decision to have Clay and I’m watching 🙏

[@DearFutureWifey]

Both of them are on the show

[@winniejean-pierre9605]

@@DearFutureWifeyI know! Just finished watching!👌🏾

[@njc9776]

I haven't even finished listening to the show and Clay has already said women have been in his DM's. This is exactly why he needs to be interviewed. We clearly saw on the show that this man is not ready for a serious relationship but yet women are still throwing themselves at him. smh...Its only so much blame you can put on him.

[@CamilleMookie]

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this interview. Clay is on the right path and his Mother…. She blessed me!!! Thank you 🙏🏾 🩶

[@estheromeben7711]

Laterras I love how you put the show and timelines into context. Even Clay himself said it's crazy. It's the obsession of America with "Love" and fantasy that causes people to be drawn into shows like this that can be harmful on the mental health of individuals, all for ENTERTAINMENT. Clay if you read this, please know that you are not crazy for what you did. People are delusional to call you toxic because they are judging from the outside and fell into the delusion of entertainment. No one can live your life for you. I pray you build a relationship with the Lord, because one day you will a great husband and father. I know AD was hurt, and I pray she will heal, because as a woman that hurts. Laterras you are so right this is ENTERTAINMENT. Clay is a rare man in this day and age to understand marriage is sacred and it should be taken serious.

[@reraisolutionsltd]

word!!!

[@tashabnicole]

The timeline is crazy but the timeline wasn't a surprise and something he found out in the pods. He knew and could have opted out of participating.

[@greenenergysolutionsteam]

This is really good. I was apprehensive at first but I put my judgment aside and truly listened and I actually heard you both. Great conversation. Childhood trauma is real.

[@Raedae88]

Ms. Margarita is so full of wisdom! She’s the mother in love I’m sure all women dream to have!

[@shareenladd1048]

This was a good interview😊. I hope Clay gets his healing. We all deserve to be healed and heard.

[@lonekreativelee454]

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH TO ALL 3 OF YOU. Lots of gems dropped.

[@milapatterson1025]

LT - this was an outstanding interview sir! You make us proud❤

[@stephnewhitfield7954]

Regardless of it being six weeks, people forget that they communicate daily and weekly. Days are actually weeks and weeks are actually months. The heart is to connect emotionally and get married. He went on knowing he would not be ready to marry before meeting her.

[@lovetteballard6054]

Thank you!

[@courtneybraxton1537]

I’m glad you brought Clay on. I remember watching LIB thinking he was full of it. BUT I really felt like he did the work on himself and was honest and vulnerable on the reunion. I hate that folks were trying to eat him up. He, in my opinion, was the only person on the show who was truly sincere and repentant.

[@taniajimenez4639]

This was powerful, thank you! They are a solid family!

[@TJohnson1102]

I have to respectfully disagree with those who feel like Clay had alterer motives, I’ve seen nothing but an authentic black man who’s had the unfortunate opportunity of growing and developing emotionally with the world as his audience. My hats off to his mother as well!! Amazing woman

[@zenajohnson9169]

Margarita, I remember my mom saying "Write it down" swap papers, and see if that's what you want to do. To no success, I did try it. I will try this again for sure. Clay, continue working on your healing journey and write it down to make it plain like Mama said. Thank you Clay for having a heart of God to guard her heart, and soul from unseen hurt. Laterras please continue doing what God says. Please Lord cover our men with Your Blood as they heal, and get to the root of their hurt. God Bless this Nation.

[@MeshaMcCloud]

Thanks for having him on to hear his story and express himself. May God bless him.

[@msrenee7278]

Excellent episode! Thanks to Clay and Margarita for their honesty and transparency. It’s great to see the healing and support on all levels!

[@niajackson5550]

Thank you Laterras for welcoming all on the DFW podcast despite what others may think. No one is perfect people. Everyone deserve a opportunity to share their truth. This was good ❤

[@OhhYouu..MICHELLE]

The wisdom among this conversation was beautifully received ❤

[@loxsochic22]

Fantastic breakthrough interview!!!! Power to you, Clay! God bless you!! Love you, Mama Magarita!!!

[@laquebra24]

Honestly I posted a comment before watching the episode and I had to retract it because this interview was much needed! I definitely have changed my mind. Thank you for having him on. This definitely shed light on some dark /grey areas!

[@deg257]

This interview was absolutely breathtaking smh!!! Grateful for the transparency…God truly does give opportunities to “Do New” ❤❤

[@DearFutureWifey]

Absolutely!!