Love Is Blind S3 #16 - (Colleen Ditches Matt) - Therapist Reacts

[@AlexandraUtschig]

Colleen shouldn't have to walk on eggshells or manage Matt's outbursts. He's an adult and shouldn't be putting all that on her. He needs some therapy.

[@sxnses]

so colleen should go to the club at 3am right after an argument? women are truly wanting to be absolved of any blame

[@danic4553]

@@sxnsesidk if you watched the reunion but it was literally planned that all the girls went out after this scene

[@quitabanana3684]

THANK YOU I feel like Dr. Honda is missing this point a little bit. Matt is gross.

[@Ilikefrogs..]

@@sxnses Is Matt her father? She can do whatever she wants. The way some men want to control and treat their girlfriends like their kids is disgusting and borderline incestuous.

[@sxnses]

@@Ilikefrogs.. nobody tryna control her, if she wanna go to the club at 3am with a husband and be a ho then he has the right to break up with her

[@AuntieL_ATL]

Bartise was really a jerk for saying that he would "pay money" to be in Matt's situation. He really did make it seem like Nancy was extremely unattractive! That was really a low blow.

[@fabibibine]

The way he talks about her it's like she's 👹 when she's beautiful

[@maiaespinosa8594]

Nancy is so much more good looking than him as well lmao

[@ff2154]

Matt is a hit it and quit it kind of guy. Some men are like that - women look less attractive to them after they bed them. Eventually this could even have happened with Raven....its just that Nancy's shelf life for him was shorter.

[@donato286]

@@ff2154 Bartise* 😅

[@ff2154]

@@donato286 🤣🤣🤣🤣 0 Mylanta..... I didn't even notice. Cole, Collette, Coleene, Zay Zay....all their names are starting to mix up. I basically watched the entire series over a 3 day binge 😜

[@annekenney6914]

Matt will listen to Cole, who is really the one who made the offense, but shuts down Colleen trying to explain the incident after she utters a few sentences. Toxic as hell! Run, Colleen!

[@Dani8-8]

I’ve seen this happen many times. It’s annoying, but most men, they want to have that man to man conversation, either to be macho, or clarify the story discussed with their partner, and it just puts their mind at ease that they took care of it. At least what I have heard from others in similar situations. I don’t agree with it, but it does help to put that conversation to an end sometimes.

[@meizumi]

@@Dani8-8 It's not just a man to man, the same goes for women. When I was unsure if my partner was lying to me (bc he had lied several times before because he was scared to tell me about his infidelity so he kept minimizing it) I went straight to the source and asked the woman he cheated with. It gave me peace of mind hearing her side of the story since she had no reason to lie and I approached her lightly and had a "woman to woman" convo with her. It's not that deep, when you feel like you're being lied to you want all the reassurance you can get.

[@iwantabiscuitplz]

Agreed, it's maddening and I really think it stems from sexism, straight up. andThe whole thing makes me sad for Colleen, I want to help her

[@garovera]

If I were in Colleen's shoes, I'd be upset, or at the very least annoyed, that Matt was immediately put at ease by Cole's words, while Colleen swore up and down exactly what Cole said and wasn't believed, and was actually made to feel BAD about it. I hope Colleen finds someone a little more open and patient because she seems like a really sweet person.

[@shescalledirina]

Exactly! And if Matt was upset with Colleen shouldn't he be even more upset with Cole? Yet he approached Cole calmly and rationally. 🚩🚩🚩

[@mistressmandyz]

It really bothered me, too. As a straight woman, trying to get something across to your partner over and over to no avail, then having them change their mind only once they hear your same opinion expressed by another man 😤 is a real and common frustration.

[@EmpressEllie]

Mansplainers seem to only listen to other men… go figure.

[@eh1126]

I think it more about the fact that she’s got a lot of motivation to downplay the situation and “lie” whereas hearing it from someone who doesn’t have that makes believing it easier.

[@bigwhy6845]

Some hints into Matt's respect for women, he follows Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro, and a bunch of other hardcore right-wing types on Instagram.

[@IFRSteveD]

Poor Bartise. How ever is he going to "get through" another 2 weeks with a smart, beautiful woman before the wedding. Probably his sports car goes too fast and he doesn't have any room in his wallet for his hundred dollar bills. What a chump.

[@shortasiangirly]

Yea she’s objectively gorgeous without her great personality. He’s definitely a punk ass btch

[@nobodyfromnowhere122]

Lmao

[@abbys.9233]

My wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight. Haha.

[@bigwhy6845]

Matt gives me manosphere vibes, being so paranoid that Colleen is "playing" him. Like he believes all women have ulterior motives, he's the real victim, and he's entitled to keep his woman in line. And most of all, that he sees Colleen and their relationship in an adversarial way. I wonder if he went online after his last relationship, looking for male dating advice or support for his problems, and wound up in some misogynistic echo chambers.

[@ilikemaline]

Agreed, he seemed the most problematic contestant to me. So sad that men are lost and hurt and turn to the most toxic and in the end unhelpful advice.

[@irl490]

I saw a video go through who he follows on Instagram, and it’s everyone from Trump Jr, Jordan Peterson to Joe Rogan and so forth. So you’re definitely onto something there

[@michelleaustin7322]

It's giving red pill

[@chium2383]

He was with his ex for 10 years and shw got pregnant from another guy by cheating like come on of course he will get some issues

[@robertwilliams94]

He follows trump and other conservative idiots on instagram so your assumption is 100% on the money.

[@marlynsantos9677]

Matt is emotionally unintelligent and aggressive. He gets into this space consistently when alcohol is involved. He's extremely impulsive and constantly uses him staying or leaving the relationship as a tool to control Colleen. Colleen was like Cole frustrated and in fatigue because they've talked about this over and over again for 2 weeks and like Zay, Matt has 1 conversation and is right back to the beginning.

[@shannontrent3702]

Exactly. It's as if everyone else is the problem and he lashes out when it's not what HE thinks it should be. Colleen probably just needed to blow off steam from Matt bringing up the same 3 minute conversation she has with Cole. She appeased, told Matt she'd meet up with him, but knew where she was going when they parted. It's not the right way to handle it, but Matt gets so deep at every opportunity and she doesn't seem to handle the pressure well.

[@mmtstan9360]

Matt didn't believe Colleen, but he believed Cole when he asked him "man to man." .....Interesting. I get why it would be helpful to also hear it from Cole, but it feels a little icky that he continuously accused Colleen of lying about it but it took him like 2 minutes (according to the editing) to believe Cole.

[@johnwesely]

Matt sucks, but it could just be that it was corroborated by the other person in the interaction.

[@therealmattmendoza]

also the tone of how patient Cole is with getting Matt to feel better vs how defensive and standoffish he is with Zanab. Just super icky

[@naomidavis7118]

I think it's just his insecurities. He clearly doesn't trust women , and he is likely more willing to hear from a male's prospective because they (his male friends) may have been there for him during his messy divorce. From his perspective "his boys" are more trustworthy than women...hopefully he's worked through that, because it's toxic.

[@jessicaneihoff]

It really frustrated me that Matt just decided to add the bit at the end of "whatever happens happens" when that was never said by anyone other than Matt, this was very satisfying to have Cole, correct him on that

[@abbys.9233]

Oh I thought Colleen had reported that inaccurately to Matt. I didn't realize she had never said that she said that.

[@kh881]

I've watched all your Matt and Colleen videos and I have to say, I'm a little disappointed that you seemed to downplay Matt's abusive behavior before it got so bad it couldn't be denied anymore. It also felt like you were putting way too much blame on Colleen for what happened between her and Cole--I've been in so many situations where men will say weird things like that and yeah, it's hard to know how to react, especially when 1) women are socialized to be nice/"accept the compliments", and 2) women are at risk of harm, verbal or physical, if they react negatively in those moments. Myself and many others clocked him as abusive from the start. Still love your commentary on the dynamics and your content as a whole, just was a little disappointed and needed to vent it since it is a little triggering for me (and yes I know I'm screaming into the void).

[@vivianwright3017]

No I hear you and I agree 1000% he really missed the mark here and it is kinda frustrating to watch (as a woman)

[@kh881]

@@vivianwright3017 yes!! I have noticed that this is not the first time he has overlooked outright abusive behavior from men toward women which is extremely disappointing. Any video I watched on this from a woman, they had no issue calling it what it is: abuse. I think we, as women, are just more in tune with the "vibe" these men give off.

[@Hannahtehbanana]

I find it really disturbing that he trusts Coles word, a man he barely knows, over his fiancée immediately upon talking with him. It feels like an insight into how we feels about women as a whole.

[@Dayz6363]

Having watched this entire series Colleen actually told Matt that she was going to the club and She was actually waiting on Him to join her at the club. Matt should not be drinking he forgets entire conversations and lashes out.

[@unicornL]

He shouldn't be drinking the amount that he does. One beer doesn't do that

[@shescalledirina]

This is the episode that made me realize 2 things 1. Reiterates why I'm (almost) teetotal. 2. Most conflicts on Love is Blind (all seasons) happen when people are plastered. It does make me wonder if production is pushing alcohol in their faces or doesn't let them leave until they had some juicy drama; and what can you do when you're at a bar and can't leave? Drink.

[@charn3lly]

@@shescalledirina i don’t doubt it. i can think of several reality tv shows where alcohol is involved with almost every conflict

[@javanjunkindahouse6625]

Wait what?? I have watched the series this time just dr Honda. Seriously she told him and he has forgotten? Omg I have huge second hand embarrassment for him but also see that as some kind of red flag whew

[@Ola_Stawinska]

@@javanjunkindahouse6625 yep, i think she's gonna talk about it in next episode

[@exotic1881]

I understand where Matt is coming from but I think dr Kirk doesn’t emphasize that Matt seems super aggressive in the way he delivers the message. And ofc if Colleen is scared of his anger it’s natural that she will shut down or be silent. She is probably overwhelmed.

[@neshisquirrel032]

Agreed.

[@mkaverage4773]

9:28 I think Colleen says “I poured my heart out to you & now you’re doing this to me” because she expects that this will once again cause him to threaten to pack up & leave. He even says, I’m good doing my own thing if you’re playing me. Which is the beginning of threats to leave. It’s not just an argument or soothing him, every time he is mad it’s an exhausting, dramatic show of him running away.

[@Ganplas]

It’s interesting how nice and agreeable Cole is being when he talks to Matt. It’s nice to see guys interacting like this. Cole was not like that with Zay though, he’s a lot more sarcastic. Similar to how she also is, honestly. Zay and Cole were not compatible at all and it’s sad that they both hurt each other so much.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

Personally that threw me off that he was so willing to reassure Matt and not his fiancé just like the fact that Matt was okay after hearing Cole but could not be reassured by Colleen...

[@ranmandubthree]

@@Miranda-gi9fx Just because Zay refused to hear what he was saying doesn't mean he didn't try to reassure her.

[@Confettifun]

@@Miranda-gi9fx well for one Zay never says her actual feelings until she “blows up” its all passive-aggressive comments up until then.

[@queenofspades84]

Cus he don't want Matt to kick his Lily a*s!😆

[@sayhirachel]

Because he had been constantly beat down by her demeaning and argumentative comments from the get go and he was exhausted by it and having a fresh conversation with Matt about the drama that he had been rehashing with Zay for weeks. You’re always more genial when talking with someone you don’t spend much time around than you are with someone you having been living or traveling with.

[@Salix_nigra]

It's interesting these men call these extremely attractive women not that attractive. Colleen is very beautiful but I don't see how she is so much prettier than Nancy or Zenab. It really shows how little men value women unless they are considered desirable

[@unicornL]

Is it because she's smaller than them?

[@paf2587]

It could be her bubbly demeanor too. However I don’t think Nancy is in the same league as Colleen and Zanab. That being said, she should never have to tolerate the stuff Barriste was saying nor does she deserve it.

[@johmayo7042]

@@paf2587 what is "in the same league"? All three women are from different cultures, and personally, I find Colleen the least attractive of the group, all things considered.

[@faithtvonline]

I think they're attracted to Colleen's youthful playfulness, not necessarily her looks.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

The whole problem of who is attractive or not in this show is really... interesting. I understand that people have their types, but there is no way that Netflix would take someone really unattractive to be part of their show! They try to look like they take different types of people but in the end all of them are attractive people.

[@halfway2somewhere]

I don’t know if you read comments but to clarify the situation with Matt, Colleen came out and said that she did FaceTime Matt from the car saying she was going to go to the club and he was going to come with but he was so blackout drunk, he does not remember the phone call.

[@ilikemaline]

They all planned to go to the club together but he got drunk and forgot and didn't answer his phone.

[@acisner1]

Matt is so hammered. He needs to stop drinking.

[@angiep2229]

Colleen really has not done anything wrong. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. Matt just scares the hell out of me.

[@kh881]

His rage and need to punish her is absolutely TERRIFYING.

[@andedom]

Matt is definitely overreacting but I wouldn’t be happy to find out that my wife had a conversation with her ex similar to the one Colleen had with Cole.

[@kh881]

@@andedom his feelings are valid but his response and actions are unacceptable.

[@andedom]

@@kh881 agreed! His response is a red flag for abuse. I could see him continuing the relationship and growing more and more reactive to each perceived betrayal from Colleen.

[@angiep2229]

@@andedom But would you actually blame HER or the person who started the conversation? To me, Colleen seemed uncomfortable in that conversation and was just trying to be polite. The general, "This is awkward, let's just smile and nod and maybe it'll stop," kind of situation.

[@maraholte2978]

Notice how all of a sudden Cole has the ability to validate feelings, take responsibility, and not argue when he’s talking to a man.

[@ashleywilliams1988]

Yes!

[@lunaeriss]

Literally this.

[@srm0520]

💯

[@donato286]

Except he says - we talked *plainly* Plainly? With those bedroom eyes?! 🙄

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

Yes!

[@dawntaylor8749]

I thought Cole explaining to Matt, and taking responsibility was impressive.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

I did not think that. Because it was okay for him to take responsability in front of Matt but he did not even try to reassure his fiancé who got new piece of information on his discussion with Matt. You can reassure Matt but not your fiancé...

[@linabella1218]

Wow why it' impressive? For me personally would have been impressive seeing Cole apologizing to Zanab and taking responsability in front of her that yes,his comments about Colleen are unapropretive.Not being so defensive and be like "oh you're team Matt go marry him".

[@dawntaylor8749]

@@linabella1218 He took responsibility and said he was the one who opened the door and took the heat off of Colleen. It's impressive to see someone own up to what they've done, and apologize. It's been established that he spoke to Zanab constantly about this and apologized to her multiple times. I personally don't find it impressive that Zanab had strippers' slinging their junk in her face, after she specifically said Cole didn't want her engaging in that. Did she apologize for that, because I don't recall her apologizing, nor taking accountability for anything she did the entire season. She's not perfect either.

[@linabella1218]

@@dawntaylor8749 yes,I agree Zanab is not perfect. From my understanding Cole was constantly speaking with Zanab about Collen because he constantly reminded her how attracted he is to Colleen. He was not constantly speaking about the situation at the pool. After Malibu that was the first time all of the couples beeing together again. So all of them had to catch up. I can see the hate towards Zanab especially after the cuties scene. Unpopular opinion: I don't blame her for the way she translated this whole convo she had with Cole. After weeks of hearing how unatrractive she was,how her name is Zanab not Lilly for example,how her partner is allowed to look at other woman and think about them because she is not Kim Kardashian..I am sorry but I can't blame her. Yes she has mistakes,yes she was cruel to Cole especially at the wedding but my opinion about her is not changed. I can see where she is coming from.

[@jclyntoledo]

@@dawntaylor8749 Thank you! I'm so tired of hearing ppl say Cole never apologized or took responsibility for the pool convo. He did multiple times and Zanab was like "I don't believe you" and "thank you for that display". Also the pool convo wasn't even that big of a deal like the convo Bartise had with Raven at the pool was slightly worse. Bartise was actively trying to see if he still had a shot with Raven but playing it off as a casual convo and yet no one called him out on that. Ppl are really getting mad at folks for saying "you're cute" even when both Cole and Colleen said they were happy with who they chose after that 😐.

[@AddlesH]

These analyses are so helpful. I really learn so much, I’m entertained and I can apply it in my own life, and I have since recently watching these videos

[@whtyc]

Colleen didn’t do anything wrong imo. Matt bothers me so much. Colleen was saying we’ve been over this a million times already when she said “Are you kidding me?” He’s so draining! I was so glad she stuck up for herself. He’s an ass. And the club thing? I can’t wait till you see what actually happened there. Matt is the furthest thing from rational 😂

[@faithtvonline]

There he goes telling Colleen what to say to Matt to bring him down. MATT should bring MATT down. 😐 Then Colleen will feel more comfortable expressing herself. We must control OURSELVES.

[@julie91295]

I think he’s just being a therapist and offering ways to ease the situation that can be done on both side. Yes Colleen isn’t required to do anything. However, I think a therapist role is to offer resolution that help create reassurance for both parties to help them heal. That sometimes require corrective experience offered by their partner, if that partner is willing to do so and if they know how to communicate their need. I think he’s not blaming Colleen but just role playing ways that can help this couple 😊

[@faithtvonline]

@@julie91295 Thank you, Julie

[@jamiex6072]

Colleens response reminds me of Coles response. Which was basically weve discussed this extensively, I thought we were getting past it. Are you serious

[@sayhirachel]

Yeah that’s why I don’t get why Cole is the villain and Colleen is not. It gets exhausting when someone continues to bring something up after you’ve been over it again and again.

[@mkaverage4773]

11:56 because he doesn’t respect women, he only believes Cole. You should watch Mickey Atkins reaction to this show & hear a perspective from a women, she is also a therapist.

[@hollyblair5778]

He can absolutely do something about his triggers and insecurities. She can support him but he can work on loosening them within himself. Triggers aren't set in stone. Also she can and has said reassuring things. But his triggers will continue to happen if he's reliant on her to talk him out of them. If your insecurities are strong enough you also won't believe your partner etc. Brains are relentless.

[@andedom]

I don’t think Dr. H meant that there is nothing he can do about his triggers, long term. But even if he’s in weekly therapy, it’s going to take months of training and corrective experiences to rewire his brain not to get angry and lash out when he feels “played”.

[@JohannaEnough]

When Colleen & Matt are talking Matt is saying "Im content with doing my thing if I'm getting played" right before he said "Sorry for putting this on you right now" - Im pretty sure he's threatening her in a subtle way implying that he's gonna cheat on her. So no his approach is not better this time he's very hostile..

[@onk1110]

The guys are knocking it out of the park advising friends and striking out time after time being shitty partners. It's a striking contrast

[@artemis5210]

What is the psychological reason for Matt “forgetting” (not hearing?? Maybe?) that Colleen TOLD him she was going out prior??? Is there any possible psychological reason for that? Or is it just over intoxication?

[@SayanaSherif]

Cognitive impairment as a consequence of excessive alcohol consumption, aka being drunk out of his mind :P

[@meshisha77]

Lets get to reunion already im dying 🤣🤣 i cant wait to hear ur perspective on that. Lovin these reactions.

[@agingknees6188]

The parallels here between Matt and Colleen and Zanab and Cole are apparent. Matt and Zanab are both the more triggered partners. They get triggered over and over and they both are the ones who continue to bring up the conversation. Colleen and Cole are now getting fed up from being constantly berated about an incident from 3 weeks ago. Zanab is a lower scale of aggressive and Matt is more directly aggressive and they feel justified and are not acknowledging their part in escalating a problem. It's frustrating to watch.

[@Whatevertheheck]

Totally agree!!!! Can’t wait to hear DKH reaction to the Things Zaneb says later cause i think she just completely misunderstands the things cole says too

[@chikai.3866]

I don't think there is any evidence to suggest that Colleen was totally into Cole or Brennan. She was dating them and liked them but I didnt see talk about her marrying either them. Both of them dumped her before it go that deep.

[@justatinyhalfling]

The men are much more respectful to each other than they are to their partners. That is a no-go for me.

[@dalhousieDream]

Toxic masculinity through and through. Colleen...RUN! 💨

[@ArijanaLukic]

Matt never believed Colleen. If it wasn't for Cole he would never go over it, then he lied at the reunion that he did believe Colleen to tell him the truth.

[@JBitzz]

I'd date Nancy in a heartbeat. She's such a catch. Bartise doesn't deserve her.

[@dirtydorte8355]

True, she is a badass! ,😎

[@therabbithat]

He's not being rational. He's drunk and forgot the conversation where she told him where she was going, and now he's livid and wants to break up because she's gone to a nightclub. What's rational about breaking up with someone for going out with her friends who all live in different parts of the country and she'll only get to see all together a few more times in their lives? Even if she had forgotten to tell him, he's not thinking about her feelings at all. He's willing to break up at the drop of a hat, or hurt her with the threat of it without even considering or waiting to hear her point of view

[@gusbus9000]

I don't think Colleen was ever totally into Cole or Brennan. I think she was just excited about the prospects of the experience and as a beautiful, single, young woman was being naturally flirtatious. Now, I do think she was shattered after being dismissed rather quickly by both guys and naturally questioned her ability to be appealing based on personality. Matt totally benefitted from the rebound and being at the right place at the right time to pick up the pieces. Unfortunately, his distrust may end up getting Colleen more engaged into the relationship as she'll want to prove herself as a worthy partner (subconsciously thinking about getting "dumped" in the love pods in the past). I think Matt may ultimately have his distrust get hold of him and Colleen will eventually leave but only when she's already had his kids and not the cute spry girl she once was.

[@kamilaguerrero7264]

YEAH KEEP EM COMING DR HONDA

[@brijohnston5160]

Yay!! Double upload 😂💓

[@shirin9452]

I mean, I kind of disagree only because I think Colleen could be the type who, when rejected, loses feelings. I am similar, but way more intense to the point that if a crush started talking about another girl I would just be like ew. Done. So it’s possible that Colleen is simply all about Matt because he didn’t reject her, and she just totally doesn’t care about the other guys anymore. Yeah, there’s supposed to be these strong connections, but it’s still only a week and seems to be one sided in two situations. I think Colleen feels very loyal only to Matt cause he didn’t crush her. She truly hasn’t acted interested in anyone else.

[@nnn9122]

Missed opportunity for Colleen to tell Cole... 🎵 you had your chance, you blew it 🎵 lol

[@vrichies]

Yes he is being aggressive! He’s literally blocked her in her seat. He has his hand in the back of her chair to keep her from being able to leave. Edit: why is Cole helping Matt after Matt actively started up the same old problem with Zay? It proves Cole is a much better person. From what I’ve seen of Matt, he really needs a lot of work before trying to be in a relationship. He only believes the truth when it comes from another man. Is that what the rest of the relationship is going to be like?

[@lunaeriss]

I think Cole is intimidated by Matt tbh.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

@@lunaeriss That's what I taught too. He was not so willing to reassure his own fiancé, but with Matt he was extra sweet.

[@sonjagrosse-broemer6493]

I have been in a relationship with a super jealous and insecure guy and I totally get why Colleen is reacting the way she did...in the conversation...and then by not going home. This is on Matt, completely. He told Zagreb that she was beautiful. How is that different than Colleen saying Cole is cute? And Baptiste? He is the one that is basically out of this relationship...but then he reacts jealous to Andrew showing up?

[@AlwaysAnna77]

Yess, another love is blind episode 😁🤩

[@MissKashira]

20:14 Or he was supposed to meet you up at the club and he's too drunk to remember the conversation. He reminds me when I was five. Every time my parents made me mad I'd pack my bags and declare I was running away from home, then sit in the hallway because I wasn't allowed to go outside after dark.

[@PurpleBaconEater]

anyone else noticing how Cole has no issue appeasing and comforting another man. seeing his feelings and empathizing enough to adjust his language to not be brutally honest and hurtful. he shows way more tact in his conversation with Matt than he does with his fiancé. Zaynab has clearly needed reassurance and clarity and Cole has consistently failed at listening and holding himself accountable

[@levendil14]

Cole really impressed me in this scene, I couldn't imagine Bartise doing the same in terms of the self-effacement.

[@sydneyandrae5265]

Im pretty sure later on during Colleens meeting with Matt's friends, we find out that Matt's explanation of the "club" incident, isnt really accurate

[@peachyy666]

So 'triggering' to see him shut her down like that and see her plead with him to believe her. And as much as it wasn't thoughtful to be out late without notice to Matt, his reaction to automatically assume the worst of her is really telling. If he was ever worried about where she was, it was beat out by how angry he got. I do see how he may be a very manipulative person behind this guise of "i was hurt by my ex wife", as excuse for being this way towards her because she is a woman. He believes another man's word over her's.

[@RGB1986]

Dr.Kirk is being too kind to Matt . His fiancé has been telling him the truth but he believes Cole . Honestly???

[@ally9114]

Me getting triggered by how understanding of some of the men Dr. Honda is being makes me think I have a lot more to unpack with my therapists 😬

[@nixie4471]

Same here!

[@lucylohan8894]

Why does she have to lean into somebody? That’s clearly shown, abusive tendencies, and behavior towards her??

[@JM-pg5rc]

Yes, this is very bad advice. I hope no one is taking this who is going through the same thing. The pool comments were so innocent. Constantly harping on her is abuse.

[@lucylohan8894]

@@JM-pg5rc yeah because if I would’ve heard that when I was in the mist of my abuse, it with a justified my abuser and continuously enabling his behavior. No one and I repeat fucking no one should meet their abuser halfway. he may not be a “”abuser, but his actions and how he spoke to her was 100% abusive.

[@johmayo7042]

I think this is not bad advice generally speaking. We all have people in our life who sometimes need something from us, and if they have the vocabulary to express themself to us, this information is helpful so we can respond in a useful manner, if we so wish. We still have the ability to refuse. This isn't applicable only to abusive people and/or abusive relationships.

[@MissFitt12]

Matt is one insecure timebomb!!! If I was Colleen, I would leave that! Bartise- a joke!! This man is such a faker- but now he knows what he wants and who he is… Nancy was real the whole time! She will be fine 😊

[@olazurawska5862]

what me sad is that Coline couldn't "defend herself" against the accusations and it wasn't until Matt went to Cole and they had this men to men conversation. Cole’s words seemed worth more than hers to Matt. but maybe that's me - it was sexist to me. it was only when you explained that he needed reassurances that he didn't get from her that I started to look at it differently... but still I'm sad for coline because she seems like a nice person who has already shown that she cares about him and is exposed to constant aggression from him, and as we can see, there is no chance to make him believe her just because of what she says

[@ArijanaLukic]

Why Zanab can't talk to Colleen and also confirm her intentions? She just can't let go..

[@kitsha88]

Because Colleens's intentions aren't the issue. The way Cole talks to Colleen and Zanab is the issue

[@fotacheanamaria]

It alwasy cracks me up when Dr. Kirk does voices :)) :))

[@brookcty]

So Cole is saying everything is his fault and that Matt shouldn't have any worries about Colleen. But he gets mad when Zay worries about him when he was the reason this flirting with Colleen mess happened. Yeah, I'm sorry but all the men this season are so gross to me seriously only Alexa has a good man. AND THAT'S MY OPINION!

[@nnn9122]

Yeah, I definitely don't understand why what Cole told Matt was so different from what he said to Zanab (at least, on camera).

[@lez2884]

Exactly he just went directly into combative mode with her

[@annekenney6914]

What don't you like about SK?

[@brookcty]

@@annekenney6914 always felt a fake vibe from him and I ended up being right because he was just exposed for cheating on Raven the whole time. He had nice words but his actions and standoffishness with Raven had me worried during the show.

[@CaulkMongler]

Trying to give Matt the benefit of the doubt: I’m trying to maybe not see it so much as he takes another guy’s words higher than Colleen’s, but maybe after getting multiple perspectives on the situation and understanding Cole’s thought process really helped to get his emotions under control. Because when people are unregulated, sometimes it’s because the anxiety associated with just not knowing things. Being able to align Coleen’s *and* Cole’s narratives brought him into that reality.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

He did the same thing in their first conflict though. Getting reassurance from another guy. And the "man to man" part... I don't think he would believe another woman words.

[@Watchingvids01]

Matt has some nerve…

[@oc2538]

Matt wanted to hear someone else say "Yah buddy you are right to be pissed" and someone else say "she loves you". 🤔🤔🤔 Why does he need to hear this from the guy who was hitting on her? Why trust your bro over the woman you want to marry? You don't trust her so end things. And of course Colleen isn't expressing more cus Matt's in her face being aggressive and she's scared to set him off. No wonder they aren't living together, it would be like living like a boa constrictor. You are constantly feeling suffocated by an insecure man.

[@EmpressEllie]

Matt is so mad about Coleen saying Cole is attractive… but Matt called Zenab beautiful too.

[@jamiex6072]

Different context. Matt wasn't coming on the Zenab.

[@andianderson3017]

I think Colleen fumbled an awkward situation, but the context between trying to encourage someone to hold out for a better partner and what Colleen did, responding to someone hitting on her and being unfaithful to his own partner was really different. I don’t think she meant it that way, but Cole was out of line enough that the truth of her mutual attraction was much less important than shutting him down to prevent the chaos he was clearly creating. I can totally see responding that way out of awkwardness and I don’t think she was being immoral or showing bad intent-she just wasn’t doing as much as she could have to diffuse a bad situation. But lots of people would miss that chance in the face of someone being inappropriate. Matt was in this case being nothing but encouraging and not responding to cues of unfaithfulness. He was being a friend. It was an appropriate context for that comment.

[@EmpressEllie]

@@jamiex6072 Coleen wasn’t coming on to Cole either though

[@keegankupcakes827]

@@EmpressEllie for sure, but in the context of the situation it can come across like she was. Especially with her knowing Matt’s history and that the day before on the boat she was saying that if someone hit on her she would say “that’s my man” and point at Matt. That doesn’t mean she’s evil or did something unforgivable, but the context is very different than Matt giving Zae a pep talk and validating her feelings.

[@AngelaChase]

I think about myself at 25 and there is no way I would have had the ability to put Cole in his place if I were in that situation. First of all, it would mean having to acknowledge that Cole was hitting on her. As females, we are trained to not feed our egos in that way. Secondly, it would mean she had the confidence to put Cole in his place. This incident with Cole will be a part of her learning curve, so that when she is in her 30s, and above, she will be able to identify what is happening in a situation like this and be able to shut it down. However, I think she handled it in an okay manner. She didn’t want to hurt Cole’s feelings, so she said what she did. It’s too bad that Matt can’t take another man seeing his woman and complimenting her as a compliment to himself. Hopefully, Matt will learn that for the future.

[@DigiShaby]

21:18 the way this sums up 90 Day Fiancé is FLAWLESS🤣

[@c.m.j.454]

Do you see aggressiveness in the way this same conversation happened with Z and C? Matt’s volume is a little higher and language is overtly more aggressive, but on second rewatch of your last video, Z had some aggressive body language and non-verbal displays as well (eyerolls, unwilling to hear what Cole was saying, defaulting to sarcasm, not accepting apology attempts etc). The whole thing just reeks of “curated reality” tv. Both these couples have been through this convo over and over and now they’re prompted to do it AGAIN for the cameras. All four of them seem exhausted.

[@xALLMUSICx]

Dr. Kirk's impression of advice on 90 day is *chef's kiss*

[@mkaverage4773]

20:19 the most dramatic teen romance line I’ve ever heard. That’s some twilight bullshit.

[@GenXIcon]

Interesting how Cole is able to respect and comfort Matt with his insecurities, but not Zanab. Zanab is very insecure, but he resents her for it.

[@meizumi]

I swear the comments on these videos are somehow always deaf to the actual contents of said video. The people watching this show have no nuance at all or a sense that they're watching real people with real problems and insecurities; everyone's just looking for a villain to hate.

[@katieestep6058]

I'm scared of Matt

[@heartshooz3912]

I’m a fan of this show and I think it can take a page from similar shows that have professionals available to assist in the moment and address these issues first hand. Nick and Vanessa need to hire this man!

[@SofiAlvaOk]

I would be pissed off too if someone says to me that I'm playing with him of course.

[@AK-be9uz]

My impression about the Matt/Colleen bar convo is that they did not have a healthier conversation but rather that Matt kep himself in check as much as he could because they were in public, and Colleen seemed more open but really she was just less scared because they were in public. Based on my childhood and therefore many relationships with angry men, I immediately saw Matt for the aggression and anger. If he showed this much in front of others including camera crews and knew it would be televised, it's really scary to think how he acted when they were in private. The reunion showed me how scared Colleen was, it's quite sad. I know people who are in these situations and the victim will deny the abuse and shout it from the rooftops, so her saying in later interviews that all is well doesn't convince me a bit. I know she's her own person but I just hope she is ok.

[@SofiAlvaOk]

Please react to the reunion and the cuties scene after the reunion

[@SofiAlvaOk]

Sorry but she wasn't filtering I think a stupid conversation that's they even said to each other that they would choose each other on a bar but they wouldn't work so I don't see how the others make it become a bigger deal than it was. And they didn't even continue or anything that conversation.

[@Selsmittenxo]

Matt reminds me of my ex boyfriends when he gets hostile. Super scary :/ I know he’s hurt but he executes very poorly. He needs a break from relationships until he changes this behaviour.. I see myself in Colleen Also he seems to act cool or better than her when he’s actually hurt. Like when he makes the player comments lol. Smh

[@bird_beak]

I don't know what the point of continuing to remain in a relationship where you clearly, visibly, demonstrably are not able to forgive someone for their transgressions. It's not even about whether Cole and Colleen did something wrong at this point. If Matt and Zanab can't handle what happened, then they need to decide not to continue with the relationship. Being on the show doesn't contractually obligate them to continue to "try" to work on things. They can talk off-camera and mutually decide it's over and just ham it up for the cameras.

[@sonjagrosse-broemer6493]

Matt is being a hypocrite though. He blows up because Colleen told Cole that he was cute, kinda because she didn't know what else to say. He told Zagreb that she was beautiful, to reensure her. So, should Colleen be pissed off about that? Even if you love your partner, there will always be other people you are attrackted to...that doesnt mean you love your partner any less.

[@fabibibine]

Cole was scared that Matt would 🥊🥊🥊...

[@nnn9122]

I mean, that would explain why Cole approached the subject with a whole lot more respect and understanding when talking to Matt than with Zanab. 🤭

[@elinaq750]

I was wondering whether you could consider reacting to love is blind Japan. Without spoilers I can say that this version is a lot more positive and really dives deeper into the question, also they are definitely not chasing cloud. They take it a lot slower and it's really fascinating to see! 😊😍 hope you see this and will consider reacting on the Japanese version

[@blueblack3591]

Oh such a good idea

[@gogogadgetabby]

I would ditch him too lol

[@SofiAlvaOk]

For them passed 2 weeks so for her yesterday wasn't the honey moon

[@jennifervosler91]

I don’t see Matt as Colleen’s 3rd choice. He was 1/3 of men she was dating in pods. I don’t think she expressed which was her top choice. I felt she was hurt more by the rejection’s because it was a trigger from what she typically has heard in the past not that she had stronger feelings for the other two men.

[@maryo3752]

This therapist's consistent downplaying of Matt's abusive red flags is really concerning. He needs to do some work on that bias if he's going to continue to work with couples, because it's extremely dangerous.

[@JM-pg5rc]

Are you serious? I would suggest she run and he go get therapy.

[@nnn9122]

Unpopular opinion: Aside from Bartise saying that Matt's been looking for a problem from the start, I thought his advice was pretty bad.

[@fabibibine]

Why do they get so attached after 4 weeks 🙄...the way I would dump you cause I just met you. And wouldn't be that committed cause we just met. Sometimes letting go hurts less 😤😒🤦🏾‍♀️

[@therealspixycat]

You use it as a learning moment so that you try to do it differently the next time?

[@nataliakrumova535]

That's hilarious to watch, yet I'd die if i have to listen to drunk anyone having an emotional breakdown.

[@zv7588]

Thanks for the double again 😊

[@RoopaDudleyPaintings]

Matts need a therapist.

[@shyrees2982]

I was thinking about his words. As he brings up, if your partner brought up some pain from years ago. That you should re apologize. Try to understand them ECT. I personally wouldn't do that. I don't feel like I should be tagged with someone else's issue. If an apology has been made, you've done your best to address the situation. And also get to a point where you are healthy, and functional. I don't feel the need to apologize for past indiscretions. Especially when it comes out of thin air. If I personally trigger you. Then yeah I'll apologize. But if it comes from somewhere else. That's something you need to work out on your own. Maybe with a therapist. But I don't feel like I should be punished, because someone doesn't fully know how to regulate their emotions and memories.

[@ahsokabun-o2583]

it feels as though Colleen and Matt should have a more direct coversation about his need for reassurancance. It feels like whenever he is asking for it, instead of recognizing it's too much for her to re-hash a fight she thought is already resolved (which would be fully understandable) and drawing a line to say I can't keep going over that conversation, she'd invalidating it by saying "this little thing" which probably only makes it worse for him as he feels unseen

[@evgeniyaseminenko8594]

Am I blind or something? Why are all these men talk about Colleen and Raven like they are miles ahead in terms of looks compared to their partners? Literally everyone on this show is cast to be approximately equally good looking. Also Bartise is not as good looking as he thinks, it is off-putting. Height is not all my guy

[@patty8991]

It's annoying that Cole was apologetic to Matt right away but was so reflective with Zay.

[@teets.x]

I find it interesting that Matt not wanting Colleen to be out till the early hours is seen as off and possessive, but last season when Iyanna didn’t like Jarrette doing the same it was seen as very normal and of course she wouldn’t like that by most people. I think we all need to be careful to not see everything someone does/says in a negative light just because we don’t like them or disagree with them in other situations (even though we later learn he was entirely in the wrong ofc)

[@dassijes5943]

For Jarette it was a habitual thing, that was the problem.

[@teets.x]

@@dassijes5943 I agree, but Iyanna still had an issue the first time it happened and no one questioned it when she first raised it as a potential issue for their relationship at that time

[@filmgirlLisa]

Colleen is going to have to do a lot of work with Matt to get him to more emotional intelligence. Right now, he has a lash out-someone rescue me thing going that needs to be dissolved. He couldn't call Colleen so she could come running so he calls Baptiste. I think Colleen did the right thing by not feeding into it. Unfortunately there is probably going to be a few years of her (or another woman) "teaching him" about this type of behavior before Matt emotionally matures on his own or gets professional help.

[@02biddle]

Cole demonstrates more concern about Matt's feelings than Zay's

[@charlottecusson6838]

Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like Matt is actually victimizing Coleen by bringing up an 'issue' where she did not do anything wrong... It's not okay to use your past trauma to bring down other people.

[@thelastoffluffs6755]

I honestly don't understand how they can hold on to the other person so much when there's such an amount of trouble already. they've known eachother for what, three weeks now? I haven't had that many arguments in eight years with my partner... it just doesn't seem like they actually belong together. of course, a relationship is hard work. this is the rose-colored-glasses phase though, how is that over in 2 days or less? even after watching the reunion and the cuties-incident, I still don't think Cole is a lovely person. he's a child and I don't see why he needs to get married. just grow a bit and then see how it's going.