Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #32 - (Lydia followed Uche) - Therapist Reacts

[@zimtapfel]

Whenever Aaliyah tried to explain herself to him, he started belittling her, telling her she doesn’t make sense etc. No wonder she closed down more and more. He never showed compassion or understanding. Plus he always talked over her. So I’m not surprised she stopped talking. She wasn’t getting anywhere. He wasn’t listening and instead became super defensive every time.

[@katherinecote-trotter3300]

Ya, that did seem to be the pattern here. It makes me wonder about when she said that she didn’t feel comfortable bringing up sensitive conversations because of his reactions if this is not just more proof of that, and if there were smaller instances that were edited out.

[@andedom]

Yeah, he’s far too self assured, in my opinion.

[@Lucy_Fontaine]

Yeah but Aaliyah is reaching is she’s so annoying, can’t let an ex be an ex damn. She frustrates me.

[@annie_charcheologist]

Telling her what she thinks/feels “but you did mean it” and Aaliyah looks so defeated. Some of his behaviours remind me of my sister - my sister does prosecutor mode all of the time (demanding evidence, answers and examples), defensive, projecting, belittling, accusations - my sister will lie without skipping a beat and if these methods of subjugation are still not working the screaming starts.

[@Kharizmah]

She said when talking to Cameron that he was being very aggressive and wouldn't give her time to think, so she HAD told him she was going to block him so she could have a moment.

[@Mother_of_muffins]

I'm so annoyed by how Uche reacted when Aaliyah suggested that Lydia might have looked in his email and decided to also apply for the show. He aggressively said that never could have happened and then turned around and painted Lydia as a stalker. Its a big change in perspective very quickly.

[@zimtapfel]

This.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

And, if Lydia is to be believed, it's worse!

[@daniellewinn5774]

Exactly. He only seems to understand when her behavior would make him seem sympathetic, not when it applies to Aliya (sp?)

[@NYCDNP]

Maybe UCHE looked through HER email

[@izamartian90]

33:48 chiming in here: Dr Honda, you are 💯 allowed to make mistakes and this is a safe space for you to do so. 😊 love that you take notes 📝 keep up the fantastic work

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Thanks!

[@nearmagic22]

Not sure if anyone else answered, but he was saying that the show/experiment is easy and not stressful (i.e. a simple game of musical chairs) compared to how difficult and stressful his parents marriage was.

[@kimmi2662]

Uche likes to hear himself talk...and prove HIS point to others.

[@jennifercave-np4ow]

But he’s not very convincing.

[@gusbulni]

He is a lawyer 😂😂

[@Ferreneh]

You're so right he likes to hear himself talk a lot of therapy talk 😂

[@robinblossom5197]

Instead of saying "ouch that hurt" he works hard to convince her that her choices were wrong.

[@sabias3932]

I find it suspicious when someone puts this much energy into painting their ex some type of WAY to their current romantic interest...

[@easyenglishwithrachael1931]

He apparently kept bugging Milton about dating Lydia too even after Milton told him to stop

[@daisyo.6666]

@@easyenglishwithrachael1931 and even after they got married 🙄But she is the obsessed one.

[@funleogirl4]

Uche “heard” Milton got married…No congratulations, no nothing. “I wanna talk about it” is what he says in his text to Milton…the guy is beyond intrusive into Lydia’s new life. I bet he was fuming that he got no responses.

[@neotheboxer]

She was interviewed on "Hanging with the Hamiltons" where she explained the block was due to not wanted to hear the ugly things coming her way from Uche.

[@skyetranqille9534]

Uche is implying if Aaliyah couldn't handle the stress of the pods, she couldn't handle a marriage. That he saw his parents go through stuff that made the pods look like a fun game basically. And if Aaliyah is a runner/an abandoner when things get rough she's not ready for a marriage.

[@sidoniadaniella]

THANK YOU! I was going to comment that's he's saying the experiment is child's play compared to a real world marriage.

[@mrs.c6569]

Perfect explanation!

[@hashtagmate]

He is saying "well damn if I can't just treat you like shit whenever I feel like it then this relationship can never work! You are so difficult"

[@limepiper3650]

Uche thinks he is a gift to women. He is so full of himself. She dodged a bullet.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I wonder if there's more fear than arrogance. Might be that vulnerability is a weakness, so looking bad or appearing as the "bad guy" is too much and he has to fight to rehabilitate his image?

[@julest5767]

ABSOLUTELY

[@patriciasoderholm8353]

Yes she did. I don't understand why Dr. Honda is rooting for this couple.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@patriciasoderholm8353 he's not seen "everything" yet

[@limepiper3650]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 good question.

[@ailine5121]

It's really bothering me how Uche keeps telling Aaliyah "the REAL reason you did/said this is...". He just keeps on not believing her and imposing his own point of view of what's happening in HER head.

[@laughingwaters8309]

Patricia Evans explains this as abuse in her book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship." From the beginning (when he shamed her in the pods) I knew he is a huge risk for emotional abuse. I'm glad he let Aaliyah go..she is a good soul.

[@stellannie86]

i think he was just trying to say that the show was like a children's game compared to his parents' marriage, but musical chairs was definitely a dumb example 😄

[@AllyMack23]

Right. I took it as "the problems my parents have faced in their marriage make the problems in pods look like child's play, and yet they didn't give up."

[@hunnixox13]

I love how literally Dr K took that comment lol.

[@AntoniaG1991]

Which is a great example of how much discomfort he expects Aaliyah to endure during their relationship

[@hunnixox13]

@@AntoniaG1991 Exactly. It's like he's saying buckle up because it's going to get much harder then this. To me, having very important information withheld from you and having boundaries repeatedly crossed by your partners ex are pretty solid reason to walk away. He belittled her experience and so did everyone else at the reunion.

[@delagonz4295]

when Dr. Honda slows down and really breaks down Uche's conversation you can REALLLY see the cracks in his whole persona

[@funleogirl4]

Exactly, I wanted him to hear me so badly saying, “Dr. Kirk, it’s not you that’s confused. Uche’s story keeps taking sharp turns depending on how he decides to manipulate the audience.” Wait til he gets to the BBQ!

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

@@funleogirl4 BBQ Uche says so much in so few syllables

[@Duckduckobtusegoose]

YUP! And the public is out here saying johnie is the one who switches up and such. There’s a huge difference between what he’s doing and then Johnie realizing she was falling into the same dumb pattern and then explaining herself to the person she wronged in the process. Uche takes almost no accountability and is constantly talking in circles

[@AntoniaG1991]

@@ExtraordinaryMachine333 I wish it was a few syllables, to me he just kept yapping and yapping D:

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, it helps to slow down and look at the facts.

[@TheDisell]

i still stand by the theory that netflix is editing things to intentionally be confusing and spark debate aka engagement online. also to protect themselves a bit. but like..uche and lydia just sound like a micommunication that was then blown out of proportion.

[@Chrisy0850]

They create Drama for sure to make it exiting for the viewer and it works... It's disgusting

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Totally. These are all characters and they're building a digestible narrative with heroes and villains.

[@Ferreneh]

Totally, they give these people lots of ugly edits to give us something to chew

[@mlevell83]

Uche admitted on IG that they did not end things here and that the rejection was edited in. They actually kissed here and dated for a bit after. So you are spot on

[@GopherCakeStuff]

Relistening to everything though, Lydia never misrepresented herself and the few good things she said about Uche was about his property. Whenever she comforted Aliyah, she'd tell her that Uche needs to change, she never said Aliyah needed to change anything about herself.

[@cuekelly]

41:00 THIS. ❤️ This is EXACTLY why I love psychology. I've explained this many times to help people understand why it's so important we try to understand each other. "It feels safe to know what was going on in people's minds and often, when I find these things out, it gives me hope for humanity because so many things look so strange to us from the outside, but when we hear the story... at least I understand why that happened. It's not intuitive that that was behind the curtain." Perfectly said doc. Thank you. ❤️

[@aj2thamaxx742]

41:19 Recently, Aaliyah did an interview on YT, where she explained that there were huge parts of her conversation at the restaurant with Uche cut. She did address all the reasonable questions you have about her going back and forth with Uche, however production made the choice to remove a lot of Aaliyah’s responses to his questions. So yes, a lot of context is missing.

[@AurorasWindow]

Uche saying that the experiment is hard but marriage is harder. His parents went through such difficult things that make the “experiment” (the show) look like a game of musical chairs. Musical chairs game = easy, a children’s game

[@Mel-oe3dw]

😂

[@easyenglishwithrachael1931]

I know you haven’t watched the reunion yet, but it’s pretty clear Uche wasn’t just a poor stalking victim….

[@Sough]

Not sure I agree. Remember the show excuses anything married couples do/did (Matt), and often goes after single people (Cole) for example. Uche does not come off well, but just because Lydia is with Milton and Uche is aggressive, tells us absolutely nothing about what Lydia did in the past.

[@justineste-marie6998]

What was more telling to me was that everyone in the reunion had some not so good opinions about Uche, including the single people

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I'm less inclined to think he was stalked, at least in a way that made him fearful. But post reunion I feel less certain about anything.

[@Kharizmah]

@@Sough But he became the "stalker"... he kept trying to contact Milton to harass him about his relationship with Lydia

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

@@Kharizmah And kept turning up like a bad penny at every gathering to bad talk her and make her sound crazy. They both might have stalker-y tendencies, but he does seem prone to exaggeration.

[@jigglehugs]

I think Lydia gets a bad wrap. Besides her initial conversation in the pods, she never showed any further interest in Uche. I really like Lydia, I think she is very caring but misunderstood. I think when she could finally talk about it she wanted to unload everything onto Aliyah she had been having to bottle up and Aliyah hadn’t been under the same type of pressure of having to keep so much bottled up and hearing all of that was overwhelming for her.

[@t.ron314]

Yeah I agree. Also, she's getting the brunt of the blame when it was actually production that told them not to say anything about knowing each other. The way she seemingly befriended the love interest of her ex is sus, but I didn't see anything that suggested it was out of malice

[@donnabohanon1570]

But she claims to love Aaliyah and disregard her boundaries then didn’t apologize. And what’s with her FU response to her?

[@corina3805]

Aaliyah messed up being friends with her

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@donnabohanon1570Lydia has her issues, but I think the show implied her manipulative than she actually is.

[@loveleyeyes1654]

For me the 🚩 is Uche declaing that the pods is children's play and he looks up to his parent's strife filled marriage as a success. Relationships/marriage is hard work but just making it through "together " at any cost isn't my goal for life.

[@hashtagmate]

Also, from what it sounds: it was at his mother's expense. Sounds like his mother just put up with abuse and now he runs around thinking "they just don't make women like momma anymore, resilient women" aka women who just let you abuse them

[@ErickaMelani]

I love these moments when I see that Dr. Honda is a regular dude.

[@heatherstanfield1007]

I think Uche useing the "musical chairs" analogy was just a way for him to compaire the pods to a simple childs game in comparison to what his parents have gone though. Maybe? It was just a weird analogy for him to use. Please don't feel the need to apologize for makeing a mistake, or getting confused over something Dr. Kirk. You are human. :( you shouldn't be bullied over it.

[@DaylaS]

This is what I thought, too.

[@katarinasinfamy]

I interpreted Uche worrying about Lydia and Milton that he genuinely cares about her well-being but also wants to be ‘off the hook’… like he still feels responsible in some way for her and wants to make sure she’s ok so that he can fully move on and not have the fear of her trying to come back to him etc…. I’ve been in that situation before.

[@charlize9341]

His musical chairs simile is trying to mean that the pods would look like an easy experience, as difficult as playing musical chairs, compared to his parent's experience. He chose a children's game to compare it to to be derisive towards Aaliyah's choice to leave.

[@RosyFdz]

33:08 he’s saying “the experiment” is child’s play, like musical chairs, he’s invalidating her emotions and experience imo

[@Patriciameloc]

The way I view Uche is pretty much how I’ve seen a lot of men using “therapy talk” to attack women. They aren’t explicitly aggressive, they don’t yell or threaten. They just use words that emulate caring and empathy to push their perspective and feelings down the women’s throat. Even with Dr Kirk very valid remarks about Uche’s and Aaliyah’s personality and why they could be reacting the way they are, there’s so much more validation to Uche feelings just because he knows how to talk about them like it’s the only thing that matters while Aaliyah is silent. There’s the expectation that she put herself in his position but not the other way around. I feel like you rooting for Aaliyah is that gut feeling that Uche’s behavior is not ok but you don’t exactly know how to pin point it because he’s using the right words to make it go under the radar most of the time.

[@Jess_Smith0903]

Wow! This came in at the perfect time!! I can’t wait for you to analyze the reunion!

[@ambyrbartlett886]

dr honda: “uche must have known what aaliyah looked like, he went straight to her at the restaurant.” aaliyah at the restaurant: *only one surrounded by a camera crew* 😅

[@lallana2882]

😂

[@lanagustafson1700]

Well apparently he saw her instagram. And yes, the cameras lol

[@jasmincastillo8686]

Dr Kirk: I want this to be as close to reality as possible The LIB editors: 😈

[@Still_blessedlouise]

In my opinion Uche and Lydia are both weirdos. I would not, no matter how great the girl is, knowingly befriend my ex’s new love interest.

[@oliviam11-11]

Facts

[@reneerevolinski4822]

Did you watch the Reunion?

[@Still_blessedlouise]

@@reneerevolinski4822 yes I did.

[@corina3805]

Right !

[@donnabohanon1570]

Point blank period!!!

[@carolinb.492]

I think by "musical chairs" he means: the trials his parents had to face in their marriage make this show seem like a silly, easy game of musical chairs. I think he's insinuating that she's weak and his parents are strong.

[@BitterSweetCoffee3]

Dr. Honda: I hope Aalyah is ok after being rejected Me: I hope Dr. Honda is going to be ok after he realizes it is fakeout editing and they did not break up at that moment

[@jasmincastillo8686]

Literally why do they do that? Like what’s the point in making that narrative. Especially when it didn’t stop either of them from saying what really happened. They just make themselves (the editors/the show) look like liars and makes me not want to watch

[@BitterSweetCoffee3]

@@jasmincastillo8686 It could be because realized that Uche is a piece of work or because they decided not to continue dating on camera.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@jasmincastillo8686$$$

[@Kwd123]

It’s very interesting for me to listen to this… Typically my thinking is quite similar to Dr. Hondas, so when my observation is just so vastly different I take it as a sign to evaluate my own bias.. in this case I do wonder if Dr. Honda is biased or just missing something, but I think I’m also reacting to Uche very negatively. It’s an interesting thought experiment which is really why I watch these videos. Thanks Doc!

[@hashtagmate]

Dr Honda is an amazing empathetic person, but he definitely has a bias. He gives men the benefit of the doubt when they don't deserve it. And he doesn't give women the benefit of the doubt when they would deserve it. It's not horrible, and I still admire and value him and his opinions, but this bias is kind of hurtful when it pops up. And it does pop up in almost every episode. Like a man has to really really prove to him that he's shitty. He can't interpret the signs that show that the man is shitty, it has to be spelt out for him. Whereas it's completely probable that Lydia is a crazy mastermind-stalker, without ever having heard Lydia's version of events 🤷🏻‍♀️ I still love this channel and I love dr honda, he is an amazing person and so knowledgeable and empathetic. It's just this one thing that's disappointing sometimes... but I guess as women in this world we are kinda used to people not extending us the same grace as they do men

[@-NiamhWitch-]

@@hashtagmate I agree with you completely. I really enjoy Dr. Honda's videos and perspective... however, yeah he definitely has a tendency to identify with the man's perspective instead of the woman's (which makes sense, as "woke" as he is, he's still a man socialized in our society, so there's bias there), and is more willing to believe outlandish claims against a woman than he is to believe very plausible allegations against the man (even when this man has SHOWN us through his behavior that this IS very much plausible). Pretty much from the beginning with Uche, he has shown that *HE* is a bulldozer, he's manipulative, condescending, and bends facts to fit his narrative. He's incredibly self-centered and has very little empathy for others. He has an "interrogation" vibe where he comes off as the "all-wise, I know better than you, I'm your authority, you don't know what you want and I know what you want" person.

[@caylacompassion]

The musical chairs is just another way of saying "silly game" nothing more to it than that Dr. Honda 😂

[@caylacompassion]

So he's saying "my parents have been through stuff in their marriage that would make this experiment look like a silly game. Therefore, you couldn't handle real marital issues if you can't handle this."

[@SunshineJoleen]

Abusers love to force you to tolerate abuse and remove your boundaries by saying that they need someone capable of staying with them 'through thick and thin'. Yes, you will go through hard times in a relationship... but gaslighting, lying and double-standards aren't relationship problems you are obligated to tolerate or work through.

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

I was in a relationship where I was always waiting for the other person to be in a better place to finally break up.. it never came. At least I learned that one comes first, and it's a disservice to everyone to do things for the other person when it comes at our expense.

[@pwetty4r4]

I do remember from the pods the way Lydia would sort of guilt people into to not wanting to break up with her...maybe that's why Uche felt bad

[@t.ron314]

OOOOOOH new hypothesis unlocked! What if a couple were to come on - and get the rest of the important people in their lives to play along - to get a free wedding?????

[@beautyandthebar4071]

And engagement ring!

[@AntoniaG1991]

I would so watch that

[@WhimsicalMe23]

He’s saying the love is blind experiment would look like a game of musical chairs. That his parent’s relationship has been stressful and the stresses in love is blind is nothing in comparison. So he’s concerned that if they can’t get through this what hope is there to get through marriage.

[@mazieferreira7757]

Dr. Honda - What is he saying? Me screaming at the computer- He is saying his parents went through a lot of difficulties....😆 Don't be so hard on yourself, doc. You're great!

[@Cahriicchuu]

So Lydia is supposedly a stalker, and he doesnt want anything with her. Yet, he has been sleeping with her and keeping her in her life as recently as 3 months before the show. You can see how someone can potentially interpret they have a chance if you keep sleeping with them. If she has been stalking him for a while according to him, why is he still seeking her out

[@ajajaa_4377]

Check out Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander. I’m not saying that Lydia is like Jodi, but that Travis was not a perfect victim. Sometimes it takes time to notice that you shouldn’t keep someone around and put two and two together. Even abuse victims can stay with abusers and even defend them. I think there is much to criticize Uche for, but keeping someone around is not one of them.

[@magikenzee]

23:17 me and my SO make jokes ALL THE TIME about signing up and fake falling in love for the free wedding😂😂😂

[@venucina]

I wont change my mind: There is something off about Uche.

[@WhitLin31]

AGREE

[@kiranfriesen3209]

If I were to empathize with Aaliya and her choice to disappear... what I wonder is if her inner voice was picking up on Uche's parental tone. His righteous judgmental stance, and, in the pressure cooker of the truth about Lydia having known him coming up, she was simply following good protective instincts. Basically, she was subconsciously picking up on his big red flags, and then afterwards, felt the self doubt and desire to be loved. But I was so relieved that she had left when she did.

[@hashtagmate]

It's so difficult to be in situations like aliyah: am I being overly cautious or am I just being smart? Am I being too lenient or am I being the bigger person? There's people I've dated where I constantly needed to ask myself that, constantly doubting myself. Then I realized it shouldn't be this way and someone you date should never give you these feelings/thoughts. You should be able to feel safe and trust your own judgement

[@pepecebolla69]

On the musical chairs comment: I think he meant that in the show everyone's dating multiple people at the same time/changing partners repeatedly. But his parents stayed together forever and stuck it out with each other through thick and thin

[@mkaverage4773]

25:11 He is so condescending... Lydia was talking her ear off going on & on about Uche .. so Aaliyah was irritated & replied with a petty comment. Like millions of people do. It's not that serious. Uche spent all this time trying to convince everyone Lydia was an Unhinged stalker.. but he still cannot fathom why Aaliyah had any reaction to her. Whether it was leaving, saying something petty, or having doubts about why Uche was there, he will not consider her POV. It doesn't make sense to me. Something lead up to Aaliyah telling Uche she made that joke to Lydia. I don't think she was just sitting there & then said, "Oh by the way I told Lydia she can have you back." It is likely she did explain why she had that reaction, she probably lead with the reason & then said her comment. But he is too cool for school so he has to tell her how she felt & what she meant.

[@sonjagrosse-broemer6493]

I think the thing that really gets me is that he is claiming he loves her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but not once does he truly ask how this situation with living with his Ex, being close to his Ex, truly affected her. How SHE feels, giving her room to process and at least tries to understand and listen what was going on between the two. Asking what was going on

[@butterflygirl141]

If he’s telling the truth here, it makes him singing Lydia’s praises in the pods to Aaliyah very strange.

[@jrose93]

33:13 he’s comparing the endurance of his parents through extreme difficulty compared to his and aliyah’s lack of endurance through something simple from his perspective.

[@nebelihood5490]

I'm so impressed with good communication right now because I was already starting to get a little annoyed with the "musical chairs" confusion and in my brain I started to give you a hard time- but then when you got vulnerable about it and said exactly how you felt. My brain switched from being annoyed to feeling guilty for getting annoyed and understanding how you felt. (I have to work on my patience tbh) But Woah! It's amazing how to right words can change a whole mood!

[@urwaabdullahi245]

42:40 when he says i think its over between us you hear the voice but his lips isnt moving. Thats a soundbite.

[@funleogirl4]

28:00-28:22 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 just take the damn water!!!

[@millerfamilytrees]

He just means child's play. He said musical chairs, but he just means a child's game.

[@ameliamaebe]

I agree with other commenters’ analysis that the musical chairs game used in Uche’s metaphor was intended to highlight how “easy” or simple the relationship issues in the experiment are compared to “real-world” marital issues. I wonder if he used musical chairs because love is blind cast members are in and out of their seats and constantly switching who they are seated in front of in the pods. In a similar vein, the number of seats decreases in musical chairs and in the experiment as the “game” progresses and cast members (I.e. game players) are eliminated. In contrast, his parents likely have gone through real world issues unrelated to the musical chairs metaphor/analogy 😂

[@WhitLin31]

I think he just couldn't remember something simple like duck duck goose 😂

[@ameliamaebe]

@@WhitLin31 so true 🤣

[@mkaverage4773]

As you probably know, they apparently tried to date after this meet up & him saying it's over was just a sound bite edited in from Netflix.

[@tmck8938]

I think that reunion protected Lydia more than tried to understand Aaliyah. They made it about Uche, when it was honestly more about Lydia being insensitive to Aaliyah. Just because Lydia wanted to finally release everything she had bottled inside does not mean that gives her the excuse to disregard how she is making another person feel. This narative that somehow Aaliyah wronged Lydia is ridiculous to me. That because she left, somehow that makes her a coward. Excuse me, but who would really stay and deal with that mess? Especially if they did not have any other connections in the pods. Stacy with her commit just before Aaliyah came out proves just how little empathy they felt for Aaliyah. So, instead of making Lydia take ownership of what she did, they coddled her, made Uche the only villain, and was basically "Oh, well" when it came to Aaliyah. That is the impression I got from the reunion.

[@julest5767]

the musical chairs reference is to a child's game, eg, easy, small in comparison

[@LaurynJuhl]

Here’s how I interpreted Uche’s musical chairs statement: I think he was saying that his parents have been through things that are way more challenging than the pods. The challenges of the pods look be like a child’s game in comparison to the difficulties that they have overcome together.

[@meaj4556]

Water... it's such a thirst quencher! 😂

[@amalali504]

I saw her explain on the Hamilton's channel when the husband interviewed her the her and Uche were in contact via social media and she didn't like the tone of some his responses so disengaged to "cool off", then unblocked him. I'm paraphrasing here but the gist I got from her.

[@TheDisell]

@kirk i think with the musical chairs comment he just meant that the strife his parents went through makes the strife inside the pods look like childs play. he just worded it strangely.

[@reneerevolinski4822]

SPOILER ALERT - I loved how Milton shut these lies and accusations down at the reunion.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Uche has confused me. I've not liked how he's treated people. I don't think it's accidental; it feels like a diversion. He tends to get aggressive towards Aaliyah when her theories get "close to the truth". But your description of his relationship with Lydia makes sense to me. After watching the reunion, his story is filled with twists, turns, and double-backs. What felt missing was his intentions: what did he want? Lydia is so "open" that I think it was easier for the show to infer conspiracy, but Uche being so…calculating, I feel it's harder to give him a consistent character through this mess. I'm excited to see how you think the pieces fit together at the end. I think the edit is not very kind to the truth in this scene (or the series). My memory of claims from both Uche and Aaliya is that this conversation went well, that they forgave each other, and they decided to date outside the show. Even the line "we're done" was supposedly a sound bite taken from another scene. The camera is conveniently not facing Uche when it's said. Don't trust the edit. Oh, you "had a late night"? You sounded tired this episode. I had wondered if this was your last reaction of the day. Hope you had fun!

[@andedom]

Uche is an expert liar. But it doesn’t matter how good you are at spinning narratives. If you lie enough, you’re gonna get caught. And yeah this scene was poorly edited but I think it likely summarized their relationship outside the pods. Aaliyah was flighty but clearly wanted to date Uche. Uche lectured her for all of her mistakes and eventually deemed her unworthy, then dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

[@thestoryoffive]

i don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. i think he twists things to make himself look better and desirable.

[@lallana2882]

They actually had their first kiss and decided to date at that lunch. The "it's over between us" was a soundbite added in.

[@katherinecote-trotter3300]

It sometimes sounds like he feels like people have obsessive stalker-ish behaviour… I don’t know anything about what the real facts are, and people usually have made mistakes in their relationships (however small or larger). Lydia’s behaviour aside, just focusing on Uche, he complains about her flaky behaviour and halphazard communication, which is fair, it was just that when he follows up with “I had no way of contacting you for 48hours. [I had to constantly check your Instagram]”. Wouldn’t being blocked be a strong message of not wanting to communicate, and recurrently checking her Instagram could signal not respecting that wish? Also, this might just be me, but 48 hours sounds like not a lot of time to me 😅 but that is just me.

[@DJ-lu5np]

The music chairs reference is him saying his parents went through things that makes this experiment seem like a piece of cake…easy….non-complicated lol

[@cjgroom109]

I feel confident that Uche either didn’t know Lydia would be on this show or wasn’t intending to date/marry her. If that was true, he would’ve been pursuing her instead of Aliyah. But i CAN imagine a reality where Lydia goes on the show, intending to date somebody else, but still motivated by an urge to control Uche’s potential relationships

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Have you seen the reunion? If so, what do you think of Lydia's claim?

[@Kharizmah]

That might have been her initial intent. However, she didn't initially block anyone from trying to match with Uche. From the moment she entered focused all her attention on being married. However, he definitely attempted to control others relationships: Milton & Lydia and Miriam and her match (according to Miriam, Uche was why her match fell through.)

[@Kharizmah]

It's ironic that while he's being derisive about "faking not knowing each other to come on the show" being a ridiculous idea that simultaneously there are 2 cast members that did exactly that and made it all the way to the honeymoon show and were cut out. You even see them in in many scenes.

[@lenanayashkova]

That isn't at all what I've been hearing people say about that couple. Supposedly the guy was a jerk

[@annie_charcheologist]

Oh I thought she had a partner on the outside and was already engaged etc to that person? And the LIB match/engagement was a sham. So confusing.

[@Kharizmah]

@@annie_charcheologist It is confusing... but people are starting to go on the show pretentiously not just for clout.

[@Kharizmah]

@@lenanayashkova At this point, which guy wasn't a jerk? Uche? Izzy? JP?

[@sofiamallo4992]

@@Kharizmahat this point everyone seems like a bit of a jerk to me. Horrible casting this season 🫠

[@pwetty4r4]

So intresting considering her Dynamic with milton

[@Duckduckobtusegoose]

“I looked You up yesterday” is a much better way of saying stalked when just looking someone up

[@lanagustafson1700]

Uche often tells Aaliyah how she feels

[@HomesickFaery]

The water example assisted greatly.

[@dl8593]

33:37 I think he meant a cake walk, like easy

[@Jolly_Yoly]

But if he had felt so at risk, why didn't he tell the producers? Why did he say Lidia is trustworthy?

[@Eman__7]

Here is a question for anyone who has watched the entire show! I find both Uche and Milton very analytical and relay on their analytical abilities and logic to process and navigate relationships more than their emotions. Now here is the question and I hope for an in-depth analysis! Whast the difference that these guys have, such that Milton was using those analytical skills in a constructive way, and Uche used it in a destructive way? I have a tendency to be analytical and logical such as Uche and Milton and that could be a recipe for a disaster. So I am really trying to see what the unique difference that made the outcome differ greatly!

[@jessicabick1280]

I believe it is their willingness to allow other person the safe space for a different opinion or reaction. Milton listened to both sides and met in the middle, considering the others feelings. Uche pushed the 'Im right and you will listen to every reason why' and disregard and diminished the other side's opinion. Even to everyone else in the cast according to what we learned at the reunion.

[@sfooshy4517]

Jessica explained it perfectly! Milton knows he doesn't know everything, and Uche acts like he does. It's fine to be detail oriented but to act like your perception is 100% the truth is just ignorance. Milton seems to have confidence in himself. Uche seems like he's insecure and trying to overcompensate.

[@jessicabick1280]

🙌

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

My 24 yo self relates to Milton. A part of me I'm embarrassed about probably relates to Uche's need to be right. I think Milton's analytical self comes from a household where emotions and boundaries weren't respected. He talks about not showing the real him to others, possibly because he doesn't trust others will accept his real self. He has to be analytical to survive social situations where he can't feel his feelings freely. He comes off cool, calm, and collected, but I imagine it's hard work being on guard and in control of his reactions all the time. Hopefully Lydia helps him feel safe and open up. I think Uche uses the opposite strategy. Instead of hiding he tries to control the situation through confidence. He's constantly telling Aaliyah what she really felt, what she really meant, and why she really did things. That control allows himself to protect himself and put the onus on others. In a later fight, Milton is more controlling and stubborn like Uche. I think he and Lydia work through, but I think there's still defensiveness there. But maybe I'm totally misreading it. How do you feel about being vulnerable or wrong? How do you think your analytical nature helps or hurts you?

[@neotheboxer]

I find Uche to come across quite unkind. For me, hearing you think this through allows me to comsider other possibilities. I still come back to him being unkind. But we are also getting snippets

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I agree. I think Uche's actions are unkind, but there's likely an empathetic reason for it.

[@hashtagmate]

@@zacharyjohnson1193not to sound like a broken record: but that doesn't excuse it. All of us have lived through hardships. That doesn't mean we can just treat others unkindly

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@hashtagmate I don't excuse any of it. The way he's behaved is unacceptable.

[@annekenney6914]

I heard a rumor that Uche didn't find her attractive, so instead of being honest he guilted her to get him off the hook. 🤮🗑

[@WhitLin31]

Like JP! Same situation, different approaches, both assholes.

[@lynnd.5135]

Men like him don't date dark skin black women

[@kateliggett160]

I think with the musical chairs he was saying: the experiment is easy compared to a real marriage, if you run from that and abandon me for that, how will I trust you won’t leave when more difficult things happen

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

He’s saying that his parents have been through some really stressful, tough things, and the experiment is also stressful, but the stress that was in his parents relationship was so massive, it makes the stressfulness of the experiment look like a children’s game in comparison (probably using musical chairs specifically because that’s kind of similar to the way they just went on multiple dates with multiple people in the pods, hence like musical chairs).

[@shelleya7169]

I don’t know if they planned to be on there but these days with social media and the monetizing of it all they could do this for followers. Just a thought. I know they are both educated and professionals but that’s the only reason I could imagine they would go on together.

[@Sinner119]

She blocked him and was behaving that way because of how angry he was in the messages. She said it in an interview but I forget where. After I heard that it made sense to me.

[@lallana2882]

Sounds more like he slept with someone knowing she was in a vulnerable state. Not a relationship but she "needs" him.. riiiigggght.

[@MonicaSkittles]

When he says they've been through things that would make the experiment look like musical chairs he's saying compared to marriage, the stress of the pods is nothing; the stress of the pods is so insignificant that it could even be conpared to a game

[@lannaintajak80]

"Jesus, do you want my water??"..😂😂

[@husidicdiyana]

I think what he was trying to say as far as the musical chairs reference is that his parents have been through so much that they experiment would’ve been like a fun time compared to what his parents have been through and still suck around with each other. That’s how I understood maybe it’s like a foreign lack of translation I know sometimes I will say things myself, and it may not make sense to American people, but it makes sense in my head. Not a fan of him, but just explaining to you, Dr. Kirk what I think he might have meant.

[@zonthisv4915]

25:05 I want to add a critical note about Aaliyah, because I’m missing nuance in both the online debate as the edit / reunion where ‘Uche is the villain and Aaliyah is the victim’ is taken as a fact. THIS is an example of Aaliyah NOT being healthy either, which explains her combination with both Uche AND Lydia. “If he doesn’t propose you can have him back” is 100% emotionally manipulative, to entice a response from at that point Lydia to see in her expression if she secretly wants to, and now she’s doing the same with Uche while laughing it off to present it like a ‘Ha ha ha’ joke, just in case, to encapsulate it in case it elicits aggression or at least dismissing (which it does). Aaliyah is a perfect example of extremely covertness and passiveness. Same with the follow, unfollow, send a message, retract it. It’s manipulation and at a few points aggression nonetheless. It’s just way, WAY easier to see in people who are either like Uche (“You did mean it though.”) or like Lydia. Plus Aaliyah can always hide behind the victim and ‘weak’ presentation.

[@ibAmoi]

The musical chairs is I think a way of Uche to say childs play. The hardships his parents went through together make the experience (of love is blind) look like childs play/easy in comparison. That’s at least how I understood it.

[@madalayne]

I think Uche was saying that the resilience of his parents’ relationship makes the love is blind experiment look like musical chairs - pod to pod to pod :) and just to clarify, I’m not trying to criticize, just fill in some blanks!! thanks for another great video

[@jennifercave-np4ow]

I didn’t believe he got past her cheating and was on alert to find a reason to back out. His pity party can be for one, because I don’t buy it. She had a reaction so strong she needed to leave and I believe that’s the best thing- glad she didn’t ignore her intuition. Uche is coming across as controlling to me. IMHO. 😂plus, Lydia said glowing things at first in the pods and flipped the script at the reunion party about Uche.

[@eugeniakyriakopoulou5212]

Hi Kirk! I love your reaction videos, I am learning so much from you about the human psyche and human relations! I think you are doing a great job 🙂 I would like to offer some constructive criticism if I may, and please don't take it the wrong way, as I said, I love your channel! You often compare these people's reactions to how you would react if your wife did something similar, but you have to keep in mind, these relationships and your relationship with you wife are worlds apart. You have been in a committed and trusting relationship with this person for many years, while these people hardly know each other. I mean, if my husband unfollowed me on instagram, I would be like you, I would probably not even notice. But Uche and Aaliyah hardly know each other. I can see how he would interpret this "follow/unfollow" thing as a sign that she is not very consistent and stable in her decisions, and that she is acting in an erratic manner. He doesn't really have much else to make assumptions about her personality, he hardly knows her. It is the same with Lydia's "I see you" situation. As you said, if your wife sent you something similar, you would laugh and think nothing of it. But you guys have been sharing a house and a life for years. In Uche and Lydia's situation, they were in the beginning of their relationship, living in seperate homes and probably still having very strict and defined boundaries, so I can see how such a text would feel creepy and an invasion of privacy and personal space. Again, I hope you don't mind me sharing those thoughts, I really appreciate you 🙂

[@cjgroom109]

32:31 it’s the pink shirt! You were also acting a lil funny in the other videos where u wear this shirt

[@cjgroom109]

(i think Uche was just trying to point out that there will be much more difficult situations in their future, so the fact that Aliyah is “running” after this very first conflict is a red flag to him)

[@cjgroom109]

Like, he’s just trying to say that you’re not supposed to run out on each other when times get tough

[@aleksandratesanovic9975]

Reminder that Uche is a lawyer…that explains his tone to me, and his desire to consistently be “right” or explain his narrative.

[@aimeeyork6319]

Musical chairs meaning that compared to watch his parents have gone through together, Love is Blind is child's play. And if she can't even handle that, will she walk out on a marriage that hits a rough patch.

[@andedom]

It’s odd though because musical chairs isn’t a team sport. So they’d be playing against each other and only one person could win…

[@elyseparker5333]

I watched you make soup while eating a soup I made (lemon dill chicken!). Good job!

[@hunnixox13]

Dr Kirk, the musical chairs comment simply meant that the experiment would seem easy compared to what his parents went through in their marriage. To me it wasn't a good comparison because a marriage between two people who know each other very well and have put years into is different then a TV show where you talk to a stranger through a wall.

[@aquamarinerhino3291]

For musical chairs he’s looking down on the show he’s comparing the show’s “experiment” to it

[@catherinemarie08]

Uche=Belittling and Accusatory

[@-NiamhWitch-]

Sometimes... it's so difficult for me to understand your perspective, Dr. Honda. I have such an opposite take on Uche (from the *beginning* when he got so superior about Aaliyah cheating in the past). Here, when Uche breaks things off with her, you're like, "Ugh that sucks!" and seem genuinely upset that they aren't going to work it out... whereas I'm like, "Yes, RUN, Aaliyah! You deserve soooooo much better!"

[@asunnywebb]

Uchi is saying his parents have been through a lot of drama in their marriage, drama so severe that in comparison it would make the experiment look like nothing more than a game of musical chairs, but they never walked away from each other.

[@GopherCakeStuff]

Thinking his parents cheated on each other a lot and he's trying to find a woman who'll put up with that from him. When Stacey talked about her parents issues she mentioned the financial. Musical chairs is people going in and out in a chaotic game. Feels like with the way he behaves and treats women it's apt.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

For sure you need to watch her interview with Cameron, she explained a lot there.