Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #24 - (Stacy Sex Talk) - Therapist Reacts

[@stephanieslawek]

"She is enjoying the dimensions of his stick" Dr. Kirk has been racking up the quotes lately 😂

[@Phonyboney]

I just know someone is saving the clip of Kirk saying "if you'd like to bend me over and throw me around then that would be great" for a kirk out of context compilation right now

[@Twirlingbarbie]

classic T-shirt moment

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Uh oh...

[@sintara8442]

Ey we don't sex shame here 😂❤

[@haileyoslund]

On it right now. 😭😂

[@Alayhoo]

“I should have called this episode Stick Dimensions.” 😂😂😂

[@caylacompassion]

I love when you share pictures from your childhood, Dr. Honda!! It's my favorite. ☺

[@delagonz4295]

Right??!

[@user-vf3fz7qv6v]

I grew up jehovah witness and I can confirm that it is very strict especially when it comes to sex and even just dating. You weren’t supposed to date without a chaperone and sex before marriage will lead to ex communication. Not even your family is supposed to have a relationship to you. A girl in my congregation (and high school) had a boyfriend who wasn’t part of the religion. And they announced in front of the congregation that she was being demoted because she broke rules. I was in a car full of people and I wasn’t even allowed to sit next to a guy my age (14-15). So it is very shame based.

[@bluemoon2360]

I grew up a JW also. It was awful.

[@sophiajeffrey8694]

Not to mention if you are dating it’s strictly with the intent for marriage, there’s no dating around only dating to marry.

[@arianaa.3448]

I have to wonder if thats why he was so nervous when stacy came to meet his mother, what she would say

[@bluemoon2360]

@@arianaa.3448I was thinking the same thing.

[@aimeeshatto9504]

My husband was raised JW and was practicing until he was 21. Yes, sex has been a problem for him and as a result of his hang ups, it has been hell for me. It has been incredibly damaging to us as a couple and our marriage. It has also been incredibly damaging to me personally, and with my self esteem and self confidence. It's an awful place to be in and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's lonely and very sad. This topic is triggering for me, my apologies. We have been married for 26 years, 5 of those years we were intimate, 21 years we have not been. I'm only 45.

[@toni6490]

I feel you 💜 Though my bf didn't grow up JW, he does come from a very religious background (even though he isn't religious), and it has been rough in the intimacy area. It definitely has an affect on me emotionally with my self-esteem, self-worth, and just not getting what I feel like is needed for me in a romantic relationship. Hopefully things can be worked on and worked through for both of us 🤞🏼 Much love 🌌🌠💞

[@TheDisell]

I can't speak to the religious aspect necessarily but I am on the asexual spectrum and have a hard time with intimacy with my partner. it has caused a lot of struggle for sure. I've found the things that help the most for me is to communicate up front what our likes and dislikes are, how frequent we expect to be intimate, where our boundaries are, etc. I also find it helpful to be in therapy lol. but also finding ways to get outside my head and just feel sensations. buildup and safety is so important. there was a video I watched..I think from Hannah witton on this type of topic. Im not sure which now lol but Hannah is a great sex educator in general.

[@macarmenadoree]

Thanks for sharing, I think religious trauma is often a source of sexual struggles. However I was raised JW and have way less shame and issues around sex than my husband who was raised secular/nonreligious, so I also think it depends on the individual and their experience. For Izzy, we would have to ask him but in the show so far I don't see any indication of him having sexual issues. They sound like they are having sex regularly, but it's just not the type of sex that stacey likes. Some people just don't like aggressive sex. It's a problem for stacey pecifically because she wants that, but not generally problematic or pathological.

[@saltboxhouse]

Aimee, thank you for sharing your story. As someone with sexual trauma, I recommend EMDR for your husband. It completely turned my life (and sex life) around. I felt like a different person (finally feeling like the person I always knew I was deep down) after just one session. I can’t recommend it more. I even did it 100% virtually!

[@TheDisell]

@@saltboxhouse I'm currently doing emdr and I think it's great but I also think it's more helpful if you're familiar with and open to therapy. I think if you don't have a foundation emdr can get really overwhelming for a number of reasons.

[@SJ-um2ym]

I was raised JW in Texas. It was extremely high control. Some of my first memories are of the terror of Armageddon images depicting sinners dying. I was so afraid that every mistake would cause me to be one of those bodies. There was so much shame and fear weaponized. We were taught that “worldly” people were dangerous and doomed. It precipitated and attracted many with narcissistic traits. It’s been over 30 years and I’m still unraveling the damage.

[@bluemoon2360]

I’ve been out over 30 years also. I was terrified of what could happen at Armageddon. I agree with everything you said. It never goes away completely. It changes you for life!

[@skyworld3393]

Lydia generally can be bossy, nothing to do with her assertiveness. Specific examples we’ve seen was her trying to get Milton to wear the black shorts. The other when she was using his microscope, despite him saying not to touch it. In both instances, she dragged out for an uncomfortable amount of time. Lydia in general seems to struggle with boundaries. Another example with her friendship with Aaliyah (arguably could be seen as “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”). And her telling things about Uche, despite Aaliyah saying that she doesn’t want to know. I can’t figure out if this behavior is intentional or not. Does she have self awareness about her crossing boundaries? Some people do struggle with this and don’t mean to make people uncomfortable. If she is aware and does it anyway, that’s worse.

[@jacquelinemarie9655]

She is fully aware. She is a woman in STEM, a profession notorious for chewing and spitting out women like it’s nothing. If anything I wonder if she developed that attitude during her schooling so that she had less chances of getting bulldozed from her classmates (esp if she was studying in Puerto Rico where machismo is still very common).

[@newsgirly]

Please don't make excuses for her. Women with bad behavior need to be called out. She is a bully and extremely bossy. Only her feelings and her way matter. I hope she sees how she comes across when she watches@@jacquelinemarie9655

[@jclyntoledo]

That's not being bossy that's being controlling and not respecting boundaries. If someone says do not touch X that's a boundary just like if someone says do not dress me.

[@Selsmittenxo]

I don't think shes fully aware

[@s.a.4358]

⁠@@jacquelinemarie9655that may be true, but she should also be aware enough to realise this is something a partner may not appreciate. The whole scene with the black shorts was cringy; you can express a preference or wish to a partner, but don’t try to force them. Especially not for something as trivial as matching outfits. But to be honest I find the dynamics between Lydia and Milton generally uncomfortable. There is a lot of joking and teasing that is borderline mean, negging, etc. I know that some couples are like that, but it always makes me wonder if you really love the other person. In this case I wonder if it’s just sexual attracting and the desire for a partner between Milton and Lydia, or if they really like each other. Granted I have only watched up to the end of the honeymoon, so to be seen…

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

My Mom also told me I was bossy, but I internalized it and tried to become smaller. I remember her first saying that at a hotel pool, where I was organizing all the kids into Marco Polo and Sharks and Minnows (I think I was about 8 at the time, which was kind of amazing). And it just stumped me, because if I didn't organize the games and approach other kids, I didn't have anyone to play with. I was an only child, and it felt like I was being told I wasn't supposed to be that way, but I also wasn't told how I was supposed to be to get my needs met. Now I'm usually able to make suggestions and plans without steamrolling, and my Mom still calls me bossy (I just don't pay attention). My Mom has a hard time being assertive with male partners and it's had a very negative effect on her life. I think my Mom was unconsciously biased by sexism telling me to be bossy, and viewed my needs (ex. playing with other kids) as being less important than being what other people wanted/needed me to be.

[@Erica-en2qz]

Also, I wonder if in some way she was envious of your ability to take charge, speak up, and get your needs met. ❤

[@newsgirly]

Bossy kids aren't liked and they often grow up into adults who have difficulties with relationships and working with people. We all have to navigate throughout the world. Glad you figured out how to lead effectively. It makes a huge difference

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

@@newsgirly Re: 1st sentence, citation needed :) . That sounds like the kind of thing that people think is true, and maybe it is anecdotally, but might not actually be true statistically. I didn't see anything coming up in a quick search, but I'm going to see what comes up.

[@ZoeBellCake]

I don't know if KZbin would allow it, but I'd love to get a breakdown of The Notebook 😂

[@guitargirl313]

Maybe it is me not remembering correctly, but I cannot recall the part where Izzy talked to Stacy about his Jehova's witness childhood, or how he found about his father, or other sensitive topics. It is strange seeing these conversations, and how fun and intimate physically they are, and not touch on the topics that certainly had big impact on Izzy. Maybe the show was cut that way, but it is notable that Johnie knew so much sensitive details about Izzy and we never touch these topics when it comes to Stacy and Izzy as a couple. I miss seeing emotionally intimate scenes between Izzy and Stacy. So it also makes me wonder why he let Johnie go, whom he shared more emotional vulnerability and go after Stacy with whom he is not touching the sensitive topics with? I just wonder what propelled him to make that decision to go for Stacy in the end, and as I perceive it, he is trying to impress and charm her constantly?

[@Duckduckobtusegoose]

Like you touched on and de Honda reminds us constantly, we likely only see less than 1% of what is said in the pods. That means the very vast majority is left completely unseen to us. It’s very likely he opened up to Stacy about these things as well and it was cut because we have already been given that information about him and it would be a waste to edit another scene into the show of him opening up about his past as a JW.

[@lilyxo6914]

@@Duckduckobtusegoosebut it’s also believable that he didn’t open up about his past with Stacy as much as he did with Johnie. For example, Stacy finding out about the whole credit card debt situation after he couldn’t hide it anymore, but in the pods, Johnie already knew about it.

[@guitargirl313]

@@lilyxo6914 Yes that's what made me really curious, and again maybe it is cut that way..and yes it would be more logical that Izzy would talk about such things with Stacy as well, but not once have I witnessed even any reference to any vulnerable information from Izzy's past when it is with Stacy, like Stacy acts all hype, fun and strong (bully sometimes)...but it is non stop from her part. Like no change in attitude, that oh maybe it is a sensitive topic, a vulnerable situation for Izzy. If Stacy knew, as time passes I would have thought she would put 1+1 together why Izzy is the way he is, or at least she would wonder or question things, I mean when it was the visit to his home, or when they have disagreements. Because the way Stacy acts, it looks to me that she either doesn't care, or doesn't know. Maybe she knows something, but not the full scale? Because that past is just so huge, even if you are getting ok, I think the significant other should be aware things that can be triggering, things that can be hurtful, or sensitive, and as I experience it when I see Izzy more vulnerable Stacy still has her fun bulldozer attitude on? But we will see how dr. Honda sees the next episodes. I am quite baffled by this couple.

[@lilyxo6914]

@@guitargirl313 well said!

[@kaybey406]

It last a life time. I was raised in a very strict religious environment. I still have hang ups at 49. These things are embedded in your brain at a young age and it’s hard to let go off especially if your family is still deep in that culture.

[@bluemoon2360]

As an ex Jehovah’s Witness I was very traumatized by this cult! It will take years to assimilate to a normal life after leaving this religion.

[@juliascott708]

Sending you so much love and healing my friend. I also grew up in the cult and it was very traumatizing. You are not alone 🩷

[@imaniife5437]

Same. Sending ❤

[@lolrip3310]

Fellow exJW here. The family and friends are told to shun us when we leave the cult.

[@CUcha6530]

I was an ex JW then I returned. Simple, JWs have strong moral conduct, many people don’t care for the Bible therefore they will not understand. God does not change.

[@lanceareadbhar]

Good luck in your journey. I can't say that I know what you are going through, but just want to wish you luck.

[@juliascott708]

I actually think Milton and Lydia are a really good match!! Ive noticed a lot of comments on LIB posts about how they’re always arguing but that’s not how I interpret it; I agree with you Kirk! They’re playful with one another and poke fun. I think it’s funny when Lydia jokes about his age and he jokes about her accent. My partner is younger than me by three years (not much at all) and we do the same thing sometimes. I don’t necessary love Lydia, but I think her and Milton are cute.

[@charlize9341]

The Department of Geology in the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Puerto Rico at Mayaguez (UPRM) has course numbers in the 5000s and 6000s for the masters. She did undergrad here and a masters at University of Maryland Global Campus. I can't find any info on courses specific to the Global Campus, but UM uses the hundreds as course numbers. So she's talking about skipping the lowest level undergrad courses which may or may not be things commonly covered in high school that you can test out of, but I would not expect testing out of the first two years of a 4 year degree would be possible. My high school partnered with local colleges so that the advanced courses for juniors and seniors were actually college credits we could transfer anywhere. I took every one of those offered and it amounted to one year of college credits. I suspect she is overspeaking her course work to some degree.

[@andietea8368]

Thank you for this context! I suspected she was overstating the course level. Also there is no shame at all in taking 2000/3000 level courses and it’s the normal course progression to work through those on your way to higher level courses. It appears to be an odd tick of hers to consistently be grandiose about her intelligence. Usually intelligent people don’t run around telling everyone how smart they are - of course they can do this it’s not unheard of - but typically skill and intelligence speaks for itself.

[@charlize9341]

@@andietea8368 Yes. That's a great point about doing your degree requirements isn't exactly shameful. It does really reveal what she feels shame around.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Agreed! I work for a state system of higher ed, and while it is technically possible to get the equivalent of 2 year of school through testing (30 credit hours), it is very rare. Also, it is common for some of those credits to be something like "miscellaneous social science" credit. So, it technically exists, but it doesn't really get you further toward a degree. I have never seen anyone get the equivalent of 2 years (60 credit hours) unless they were actually enrolled in college as a high school student (duel enrollment), but that is not the same as testing out.

[@samanthas8340]

Listening to Dr. Honda talk about being bossy and reminded me of how I was shamed for being too talkative and this messaging of being a nuisance to others. I pretty much from being an extroverted only child until around 3rd grade. I actually remember being so hurt that I would make the conscious decision not to talk for long periods as a way of being vengeful, I guess? Anyways I ended up having selected mutism and social anxiety during most my adolescent years and have pretty much been an introvert since. I'm curious what Dr. Honda would think consider we usually think of these things as personality traits that don't change over time, and here I am still introverted all these years later even though I overcame some of those things.

[@kayann100]

This season is such a hot mess I’m so glad you’re reacting

[@ruplayinggame3080]

yeah, I had a Swedish partner raised as a Jehovah's witness and he was profoundly traumatized by his experiences in the cult and hated them with a fiery passion...

[@bluemoon2360]

I was raised a JW I was very traumatized too.

[@ruplayinggame3080]

@@bluemoon2360 I'm really sorry you had to go through that, hope you're better now!

[@emilystrader349]

can’t wait for you to hear what JP’s reasoning for how he’s been acting

[@AutumnScarborough]

Literally foaming at the mouth waiting to get to that point lol

[@RockyDaTherapist]

I remember Stacy saying she will grab random guys rear ends when she’s out. It seemed like she was looking for that kind of interaction from Izzy to her.

[@RenayOpish]

I was just trolling and doing icky chores waiting for this!😂

[@imaniife5437]

For clarity, as an ex-jw. The beliefs/practices do not vary from country to country. All 8 million are taught the exact things every week and believe the exact things. There are no variations and room for personal beliefs.

[@heavenboulevard]

you could say i have what is called a "daddy kink" and that scene where she kept calling him daddy made me cringe so hard... vomit levels of cringe... everything about her is one big cringe

[@cynthiavalencia724]

I cannot stand Izzy and especially Stacy. I tend to skip their scenes bc they are so annoying to me. This scene was definitely one of them. But I love hearing your thoughts and explanations so much that I can endure their scenes for the time being lol

[@alishaharris1181]

Same I skip them too

[@angelmommy111]

Same they seem very superficial to me

[@Alicewunderimland]

Same 😂

[@cynthiavalencia724]

@@alishaharris1181yeah it sucks bc I sometimes skip through Lydia and Milton too, not often, but damn, I’m left with so little since both couples suck LOL. Wish we would have gotten Renee and Carter, maybe they would have been a favorite couple or at least not hated or boring, but who knows lol

[@kimmi2662]

Same, this season was pretty disappointing. Izzy is sort of a mess.

[@maarleyjedermann3174]

I'm smelling some content for a "Dr. Kirk out of context" video, lol.

[@MegaGreencarebear]

Rachel McAdams stars in the notebook. I think that would be an interesting movie to review on the podcast, maybe one for a Rebeccasode!

[@84Elenai]

06:03 Say what you want about Stacey, she didn't behave properly towards Johnie during the meetup, but let's also give credit where credit is due. She's pretty straightforward and honest when it comes to talking with her partner. She might be a bit entitled and she certainly comes from a privileged family, but I like her attitude relationship-wise. So sorry she had to cross path with Izzy. He's so far from being a mature man.

[@Duckduckobtusegoose]

Being a good partner doesn’t make up for being rude/mean to other people and generally behaving immaturely around people she does not get along with. She comes across incredibly spoiled whenever she’s in a situation she doesn’t want to be in

[@84Elenai]

@@Duckduckobtusegoose yeah, I hate that mean girl attitude from her. But she's smart when it comes to smelling bs in a partner, and she's good at expressing her concerns, feelings and needs within the couple. That's what I meant with my comment above. Honestly, there's nobody who's truly likable in this season. Milton? Perhaps Lydia, even though she's definitely over the top... The rest of them are not people I would hang out with.

[@ckwanita907]

Rachel McAdams not Amy Adams lol

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

I feel terrible for Milton. Lydia’s fake love for him is so obviously not sincere to me. I feel like she is using this sweet, YOUNG dude solely to make Uche jealous and it’s gross

[@LenaL146]

I love the story about the toy-picker-upper!!! Brilliant!!!

[@malvavisco10]

Some universities just go by thousands in their course numbers, it doesn’t really mean anything. Others might go by hundreds. I went to the University of Minnesota, and they use 1000s (this is not new but goes back decades). So a beginner course would be 1001. 2000-level courses are unusual, but 3000-level is intermediate.

[@christinaelias2694]

I noticed the soft porn too and was making me feel uncomfortable 😅 I think producers didn’t have that much footage to film with there only being two couples is my guess lol

[@SicYennefer]

Oh damn, I'd love to watch your reaction to 'the notebook", it's such a toxic movie, I think it would be a blast 😅

[@emilyz3932]

my therapist just told me to try using a compliment sandwich when giving criticism or feedback to my partner

[@Demifan39]

Glow or grow works too

[@BekaB85]

It seems so crazy to me when people talk about particular things they thought or did when they were 4 or 5. I can't remember barely anything before like 10 or 11 and even those couple years are vague.

[@Deniadri]

I think I heard Izzy came out of the religion in 2018 so it is pretty recent. I might be wrong?

[@javanjunkindahouse6625]

Oh interesting, that’s pretty recent…his lost and found drawer would suggest he wasn’t following it for awhile or he’s made up for lost time 🤷‍♀️

[@TheDisell]

​​@@javanjunkindahouse6625 **spoilers** I think that it's interesting their behaviour in later episodes where Izzy is looking for validation from Stacy for bullying. my conceptualization of Izzy is related to him leaving his high control religion so recently. it's like he's stunted. his lost and found would align with that. his insecurity and validation seeking with Stacey too. his credit card stuff. I'm glad he's in therapy to deconstruct but yeah it seems like he's very much still in the beginning stages. someone was saying that even his career is an unconfirmed mlm. it's like his mind is still primed for a high control group and he's seeking out those patterns and trying to fit in somewhere without knowing himself very well.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

​@@TheDiselli also thought that this job could be an mlm, especially after he said that financially "sky is the limit",

[@newsgirly]

I thought it happened when he left home after the big fight at about 16 years old.

[@TheDisell]

@@newsgirly he left home yes but he also states that he didn't get his first Christmas tree till 2018 implying that he likely had been following the Jehovah's witness beliefs up to that point. he might have started deconstructing earlier than that but he wasn't clear about it. leaving home doesn't necessarily mean he also left the faith. 🤷‍♀️

[@galexiefaraway]

I thought it was the next JP vid and I gasped sksksksk.

[@cladthecrab]

RE: the 100 vs. 1000 level courses, I wonder if part of it may be arbitrary depending on how the school did their course codes? Not sure if my experience is helpful in showing my reasoning there but I'll include it anyway. I've been in three programs, each in a different state (one Midwest, one South, one East Coast). Oddly, my PhD program is the only program I've been in that uses 100-level course codes and not 1000-level codes, but it's *way* bigger than my undergrad, and way more campuses since it's the flagship university for the state and in a much more populated area. Maybe there's something I'm missing there but that makes me think it can't exclusively be a numbers thing.

[@aby_lev89]

I don't know if Dr Kirk only makes videos about reality shows, but if not, I'd love to hear his reaction to Heartstopper! It's such a positive show about queer love, friendship, dealing with difficulties like eating disorders and self harm, self discovery and family. Most of all it depicts a beautiful love story with open communication and accepptance ❤

[@xxHydi]

11:05 could make for a crazy out of context clip 💀

[@rosx3245]

This was an interesting conversation especially with the sexual assault allegations against LIB. I was a bit much at times

[@maria6952]

I’m a JW but not currently active. When it comes to beliefs JWs are pretty much unified worldwide. The principles don’t change according to where you live. I can also see why people would consider it a cult. However, I do think how you feel about sex and your openness to try new things (within marriage) will depend highly on the family and culture you were brought up in. For example, my parents weren’t strict, and even though they never talked about sex, my friend’s parents (also JW) were very open to talk about sex. They were very explicit and I appreciated that so much. Sex was not talked about in a shameful way or in a negative light, apart from the usual “fornication” and masturbation principles, it is to be enjoyed within marriage. I feel sympathy for people who have had the opposite experience and I hope they can heal from that trauma.

[@sfooshy4517]

I remember season 1 having a ton of makeout scenes during the honeymoon phase too. It made me stop watching. I dont want to see all that.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

I noticed a bunch more invasive shots last season and I'm not watching this one. It's part of the reason I never did watch the Brazil edition bc everyone said it was way more explicit. I'm Ace, and while I'm not personally sex repulsed.. it's NOT something I'm looking for in my casual viewing media.. there have been several Netflix shows that looked interesting.. but when I'm bombarded with prolonged sex scenes 5 minutes in I just can't get behind it.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

"Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It's not for that!"

[@sfooshy4517]

@InThisEssayIWill... I've been watching it with my neighbor I just became friends with and it's just so awkwarddd

[@newsgirly]

yes- I don't like it either. Way too invasive. They need to just stick with the day to day interaction.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

It feels like everyone forget that he used to be JW...

[@ArtByHazel]

This season is a hot mess and offering us something to learn from. I’ve seen a few of my JW friends and I feel for them. It’s traumatic and Izzy needs to do some of his healing work to do. Unlearning the old conditioning and healing takes time especially when we’re exposed to a lot of dysfunctional ways from our society, religion, and family dynamics.

[@chloerousseau]

I wouldn’t sleep with anyone after only 15 days. Pods or no pods. I’m waiting to see how a couple/ person who chooses to abstain through the honeymoon is perceived by the LIB universe. Not about fanaticism but people have different values.

[@onedirectionlover317]

Agreed.

[@michelelynn5698]

You HAVE to watch The Notebook! haha It's one of my all-time favorites!

[@stellannie86]

Was he saying that there's higher stakes, or is that a madonne/wh0re -complex talking...

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, could be both really.

[@rebec8090]

I was wondering about the 2k and 3k level comments myself! We had 100, 200, and 300 level courses... never heard of thousand level courses! I taught undergraduate psychology at Northern Kentucky University.

[@sintara8442]

Never heard of any of those at all. Here everything gets counted as ec's - European Credit.

[@Freee479]

Dr Honda pls post the ultimatum videos 🙏

[@emilyk3825]

The B word - Bulldozerish 😂

[@magikenzee]

Rachel McAdams 😂 and they are both Canadian ❤

[@emmiem6159]

Lol i wasn't expecting the cute bb pics haha❤😂😊

[@Kharizmah]

If he still hasn’t experienced or made a point of experiencing holidays then I don’t think he’s left the JW religion for too long

[@abernal123]

My mom‘s side of the family is Jehovah’s Witness, and I can tell you they definitely have a cult like tendencies

[@MayaKKomso]

omg baby dr kirk 🥹

[@anita4305]

it's taking ages to get to the good stuff...

[@SisterStylist4]

I am a current and happy practicing Jehovah's Witness. I have been a subscriber of yours Kirk for like 5 years. I love all your content. I appreciate your perspective even if i dont exactly share all of your viewpoints. I appreciate you and what you do. I do not understand what you mean by High Control or Cult.. i thought cults followed a human leader? We believe and practice what the Bible says about sex within the boundaries of marriage. Sex is a gift and is to be enjoyed not just for making babies. Everyone has free will and a choice to live their own life the way they want to. We are not to judge others. There are some who may be more extreme and they themselves are not adhearing to Bible principles. There are imperfect people with personal issues and cause problems for others. I do feel bad if others have had bad experiences, I am so sorry for that. I am grateful for my experience tho 💜

[@onedirectionlover317]

I'd say he talks more about this in other videos, especially ones on Jodi Hildebrandt and Ruby Franke, although I see your point and I do wonder whether he'd refer to a secular dictatorship as a "cult" / "high-control group" (although I think that, at least in many societies, religious groups, any religious groups, exhibit the unique combo of socially-enforced membership (as opposed to legally-enforced membership, like being a citizen of a country) in a group with externally-dictated rules that members didn't vote upon. Perhaps not the only such sort of group, but definitely the most common of such a sort of group (as opposed to a non-democratic government, where membership is by default due to citizenship and the only escape is successful immigration, although I suppose parallels could be drawn between the two since in both cases, people are often, although not always, born into such groups). But he talks a lot about the way that sex (in particular, since you bring up sex and since this video is about sex) is discussed and treated in these groups. I'm personally non-religious, but I have religious friends and they vary in how punitively they talk about sex. I have friends who genuinely seem to embrace ideas about sexual restraint from a perspective of "sex is so sacred and so crucial to bonding that it should be reserved for marriage because that's how god designed it", but they're sympathetic to people who might "slip up" and they don't fixate on the "purity" of it all (which is very crucial imo for both sexual assault survivors and people in general being able to healthily approach sex once they are married). On the other hand, others talk about having grown up in religious environments that leaned heavily on the "used tissue" mentality around someone who had sex and "compromised their sexual purity" and vilify sexual desire as "impure", and Dr. Honda talks about how the vilification of natural human instincts is part of the tactics of "high-control groups" to "toe the line" that the leaders of said group establish and obey them for their approval. In those extreme communities, discussing sex like that can make it hard for even married couples to enjoy sex (and I think Jodi herself has made statements vilifying all lust, even within marriage, and unfortunately she was a "therapist" recommended by Mormon leadership to countless couples and families, so her words mattered and her message was unfortunately quite endorsed by leadership even if not by many community members). Personally, as someone who's grown up in a sexually-conservative culture where restraint wasn't encouraged because of "it's so sacred and powerful emotionally that it should be reserved for that forever person you fully commit to in front of god" idea, I think anything more negative and punitive than that would make it hard for me to enjoy sex with a husband even if now suddenly it's "okay". Suppressing sexual desire and feeling "impure" for those feelings doesn't go away overnight after a lifetime of doing so, and it's not surprising that people can't just switch on a dime and suddenly not only be okay with it but embrace it the way they're expected to in a marriage (especially not women, who are often more subject to the purity rhetoric). While I'm not religious, I come from a sexually-conservative culture, so I can perhaps appreciate the push for sexual restraint a little more than Dr. Honda can (although I imagine / hope as a therapist he would be able to navigate that better than it might seem from his reactions, which of course also come from a personal lens). However, regardless of religion, I think there can absolutely be a way to frame discussions around sexual restraint and encourage it (frankly, even from a secular perspective, much less a religious one, but certainly a religious one) that doesn't lean on vilifying natural urges that we are suddenly supposed to embrace once we're married (certainly historically, if not even current-day, religions, and definitely certain practicing members of these religions, have interesting ideas regarding consent and ability to refuse sex within marriage...). People can emphasize the sacred function of sex, acknowledge the difficulty, acknowledge that these desires evolved on timescales that fit ancient lifespans and that our modern-day lifespans, combined with delayed marriage, requires self-control for longer, etc. without vilifying those sexual desires and treating people who have been sexually active as "used tissues" (which must be utterly heartbreaking for anyone to hear, but especially sexual assault survivors). But a good number of religious authorities unfortunately take the shaming route in vilifying sexual desire, and at least in the extreme cases (like the Ruby Franke / Jodi Hildebrand case he's covering), their definition of "pornographic", etc. is questionable even from a religious perspective (imo).

[@Sallyy150]

Your version of religion is not cultish! As a muslim, i can say I was raised in a cult. The definition for me is a self loathing group with high anxiety that demonize everything and everyone outside the cult. Now, did all my muslim friends had the same upbringing, although we share the same religion? Nope!

[@SisterStylist4]

@onedirectionlover317 Thank you for your response. I think you very thoughtfully and elequently explained this complex issue. I think you totally nailed it. That makes so much sense. I hope Dr. Honda should read your reply. 💜💜💜💜 Thank you, I so appreciate your balanced perspective so much!

[@-NiamhWitch-]

I grew up Jehovah's Witness (deffffffinitely not one now), and I do have religious trauma because of that... however, I find that the JW culture I came from was nowhere near as strict as most ex-JWs' experiences.

[@mkaverage4773]

Is my Netflix different???? I have not seen anyone have any s3x this season. Is Canadian Netflix more prudish? 🤣 But the queer ultimatum was way more s3xual than usual so maybe not.

[@sfooshy4517]

They mostly had a lot of shower makeout scenes. It shows Milton's bare bum.

[@valeriecordero6585]

Waiting until marriage to have sex is a common practice amongst many cultures, aside the fact that it’s a biblical practice, being sexually irresponsible always has bad consequences like baggage and I’m sure most of you people know about baggage and how much it can a relationship and self esteem …….

[@onedirectionlover317]

There’s a spectrum between “waiting until marriage” and being “sexually irresponsible “, and cultures’ purity obsession also comes with its own terrible social and psychological consequences, ESPECIALLY for women. Hate it.

[@bennisecreto4933]

Not bossy! A good leader! ✊🏼Got vision!

[@cheriearia987]

RACHEL MCADAMS not Amy Adams 😭😭😭

[@co9971]

Jehovah's Witness religion is a highly organized religion with a high control/cultish tendencies. I do consider it a cult, having grown up in it.

[@zawadi5606]

"buttcam, if you will..."😅

[@crazylicious85]

I like or at least understand Izzy more (even if only slightly more) than Stacy.

[@Duckduckobtusegoose]

He is much more emotionally stunted and definitely causes more harm to others so I’m not sure why you have that pov

[@LalaXB]

I’m also an ex jw, and it’s 100% a cult.

[@george94065]

We're already living in a sex negative culture....where do you live kirk...have you been outside??

[@saiorgirl8]

Doc I love your vids but if you don't put some respect on Rachel McAdams 😭 not Amy Adams lol

[@9kristyn9]

😅 a few yours videos i thought about feeling what i have about you, And you say yourself. Like fire inside 😊

[@jennifervosler91]

I thought some of the sexual scenes were just too much. I don’t need to watch their sex life.

[@jasonscott7527]

A sex negative culture 😂😂😂. This guy is so based watch out for these type of therapists.

[@caroline-ou2st]

No!!! I thought they are Talking about minigolf 🥲