Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #18 - (Aaliyah & Uche Speaker Phone) - Therapist Reacts

[@sgrenz7]

Uche demanding her to prove her love by staying, and totally disregarding the fact that he isn’t proving his love by giving her grace for what she’s going through. He’s prioritizing his ego.

[@sarahsmith3682]

Yup!

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

"I'm smart, and you're dumb. I'm big, and you're small. I'm right and you're wrong."

[@iceeblaze]

he had the BIGGEST ego i've ever seen

[@kenithbalhan5779]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 It's giving Matilda's dad.

[@teeahrahahnet]

When he said "you only thought about yourself" I wanted to slap him through the screen

[@Discrete1998]

My problem with Uche is not that he feels upset and doesn’t understand. My issue is the moral superiority he feels entitled to and the way that he preaches to women. I didn’t see him treat men the same way, and either way it’s cruel.

[@AllyMack23]

🎯🎯🎯

[@beatsventura7]

I think he treats everyone this way, he disrespects Milton several times.

[@LenaL146]

I agree, I really don’t like when people lecture as if their way is the only way. You don’t tell people how to feel and what to do!!!!

[@Discrete1998]

@@beatsventura7 I don’t recall seeing him disrespect Milton. I remember when he tried to get Milton to respond to a question, he backed off after Milton asserted that he didn’t want to.

[@samanthas8340]

Just for comparisons sake remember how Nick talked about in his interview how concerned he was for Danielle who was going through a hard time on the show - and then there's Uche "we already talked about this," "why didnt you talk to me?," why arnt you here?" "How do you feel about 'me'?" She's crying. She's in distress, but it's all about him. I dont even know if I can keep watching/listening to this guy.

[@AllyMack23]

His tone and aggression has a HUGE effect. And it only gets worse when she starts crying. That would feel so scary to me.

[@GabriellaLascano]

Same

[@michellesmith7]

Totally, I was so happy when she left but sad she tried to get him to give her another chance.

[@katerinazwyrtkova4653]

Let's just all pause for a moment and appreciate the fact that Dr. Honda uploaded a 45 min video on a Sunday by which he made the day so much better for us.

[@DaylaS]

I had just finished watching the last episode and thought that was it for now, when this one popped up! I'm so glad. I thought, like the Dr. that the rest of the season would be boring, but that is not the case!

[@donnabohanon1570]

Yes!

[@MaterialGworlKodi]

👏👏👏👏

[@gingerdavis1833]

Yes!! I needed this for a road trip!!!

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Ha! So much rambling!

[@meli7315]

Uche talks with women like they are his employees. I would tell him „you don’t talk to me like that and there is the door.“

[@em8066]

Thank you. Totally agree.

[@zimtapfel]

He also always talks over women.

[@meli7315]

He lectures all the time “you can’t do it like this, you should have known better, you could have etc.”

[@dazedconfuseds]

Uche talks to everyone like that. Even man....

[@zimtapfel]

@@dazedconfuseds He talked very different to Milton.

[@AntoniaG1991]

I don't for a second believe Uche wouldn't have guilt-tripped and verbally abused her to the best of his ability if she'd told him she was leaving beforehand. She 100% knew that and chose to leave without telling him. Good on her for protecting herself.

[@skyetranqille9534]

Uche referring to Lydia as "some girl" was very telling. He reads mildly paternalistic, and I'd say misogynistic, but no, because he talks to Milton like that too. Just very know it all, in a bad way lol.

[@dazedconfuseds]

It is rude be also shows Uche is a f boy....Izzy will reply to Johnie as some girl too.

[@skyetranqille9534]

@@dazedconfuseds it's so disrespectful and says a lot about them.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I feel like he's much calmer, though just as manipulative, with Milton. He seems more aggressive with women to me.

[@skyetranqille9534]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 I agree

[@AntoniaG1991]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 100%

[@laurenthomas3748]

How Uche talks to women - especially Aaliyah - makes me so upset. I know I wouldn’t feel safe around a man like that. I’m hoping this wasn’t learned behavior from his parents. (He mentioned that they went through a lot in their marriage. I still don’t think that struggle love is something to aspire to.)

[@mkaverage4773]

I need to know why Uche is so certain that Lydia is a crazy stalker… but also cannot comprehend that Lydia might have said something to scare Aaliyah enough to make her go home. You’d think that he would have the most understanding of anyone. He is following people around at parties begging them to believe that Lydia is an unhinged stalker… but Aaliyah has a problem with her & all the sudden Lydia is just some girl who holds no power & could never say or do anything that makes Aaliyahs choice in leaving valid.

[@chans9577]

Exactly I think Usche can only see his perspective. Lydia is now a bad person who has destroyed her relationship. But before she was a some girl. He doesn't warn Aaliyah and tells her to not trust Lydia. It's crazy.

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

Lydia IS a stalker. He was actually very empathetic towards her even though she absolutely IS a stalker and 100% did know Uche would be there

[@Tnicole01]

@@Peanut_taco_muffinshe’s a stalker bc she watched his friends Instagram stories?

[@realhouseknives5095]

T H I S.

[@Myrrthe]

@@Tnicole01Well, looking at the whole picture with Lydia showing up at his place and most likely going on this show knowing he’s there, certainly speaks for a certain degree of obsession and lack of boundaries.

[@Jess_cool25]

I think Lydia and Uche both lack some self awareness and awareness of others. Lydia missed a bunch of clues when Izzy clearly wasn’t into her. Uche hears what Aaliyah is saying and completely ignores it and focuses on his feelings. Aaliyah is way too aware of the emotions of others and shrinks for them.

[@beatsventura7]

Agree 100%

[@bobococo89]

💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@kellyhorvatin]

Hey artistic deserving listeners, I would love it if someone drew Dr Honda as a little birdie on someone's shoulder 😂

[@theworldisgreenerandgreener]

That's such an incredible and adorable idea! I hope one of the artistic deserving listeners 😂reads your comment and gets to work!

[@vida.r]

That needs to be a whole comic or cartoon 😂

[@andedom]

I love it! Slap it on a tshirt!

[@iceeblaze]

best comment ever 😂😂😂

[@AllyMack23]

Challenge accepted 🤔

[@em8066]

I get Uche's confusion since he didn't see the impact Lydia had, but he shouldn't have to see it to believe it. And he knows the secrecy hurt Aaliyah. He could apply his words to himself, that he isn't handling this stressful experience well. Honestly, Uche and Lydia are both bulldozers. I respect Aaliyah's decision to protect her sense of emotional safety, even though it was painful for her.

[@JEM-hl4dk]

SPOILER! I will suggest to look at Aaliyah's interview with the Hamiltons. She explains the timelines. By the time of that phone call he knew more than the show let us see. And he lied on some stuff. When you see the interview and you come back to phone call, it is just mind blowing.

[@1stdaughter]

I can't stand the way he talks to people. He treats everybody as if they're a witness on the stand.

[@acd1168]

He’s a lawyer 💁🏾‍♀️

[@1stdaughter]

@@acd1168 I'm aware. I don't see that as an excuse or even a reason for it.

[@acd1168]

@@1stdaughter It is a reason for it. Some people can’t separate the different parts of their life. Get some self awareness

[@kellyhorvatin]

Does anyone remember what kind of lawyer he is?

[@jaejae444]

some ppl take on their career as their identity...

[@pmd1933]

I think it's an empathy issue. He is very much about himself while accusing others about being about themselves. We saw that when she talked about cheating. He is not such a good character.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I really hate Uche's behavior in these high conflict moments. I agree that it's an empathy issue. But his previous apology was pretty good, and Aaliyah saw a lot of value in him. I hope that means his whole character isn't bad.

[@aleya5383]

If Uche truly cared about Aaliyah he would ask her to explain what happened instead of berating her just because HIS feelings are hurt. It was so ironic when he said that Aaliyah was only thinking about herself when that is his whole personality.

[@bobococo89]

Exactly. It’s ALL about HIM. He’s such a pathetic human being. What we’re seeing is the true him

[@michellesmith7]

Exactly, he had no interest in seeing it from her perspective and giving her grace; instead he just hammers into her why her reasons are invalid. He’s the worst!

[@conchitaredan676]

I hope everybody gets to watch aaliyah in the podcast with Cameron Hamilton. In hanging with the Hamiltons. She explains everything from her point of view. And gives more insight on what she went through. I think Dr Honda some of you questions will be answered if you watch it as well. I really hope you do. Have a nice day everybody.

[@Grace_ingrid]

I’m appreciating the perspective that Uche doesn’t quite know what happened between Aaliyah and Lydia and so that is why he’s getting so upset with Lydia. This empathy muscle is important to flex! Later on Uche completely changes his attitudes towards Lydia and tells us new information. So I’m looking forward to your thoughts on how Uche treats Aaliyah in this exact moment once we really know everything that Uche discloses about his experiences with Lydia . I feel like he failed to protect Aaliyah… he attacks and doesn’t seem to really understand or listen.

[@em8066]

That's interesting. I haven't watched any of Love Is Blind outside of what Dr. Honda reacts to. It sounds like Uche is full of hypocritical contradictions, and that makes his behavior here worse. I agree that he is too ready to attack, as if a loving relationship is achieved by beating it into submission. Figuratively speaking.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

SPOILERS Aaliyah: did Lydia look at your computer and try to follow you on the show? Uche: What are you even saying?!?! (A few moments later) Uche: Hey everyone, Lydia looked at my email and chased me on the show!

[@reneerevolinski4822]

​@zacharyjohnson1193 , Uche and Izzy are the absolute worst. They are the biggest liars.

[@mannyapp9095]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 These were two separate events and scenes that you are comparing. Even if they are hours apart, he could've changed his mind if he thought he found proof.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@mannyapp9095 yes, true. The edit has lined up convenient dominoes for us to watch fall. But as the show progresses, Uche does seem to change his tune and the more things come up, the more it sounds like Uche hasn't been forthcoming.

[@pwetty4r4]

Uche posted on his social media that he now understands why Aaliyah left the way she did, and even commends her for it

[@emhu2594]

damage control. this guy is cold and calculating.

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

@@emhu2594um, based on what? What exactly did he do that was calculating?

[@kcd7641]

SPOILERS for future episodes . . . . . . I call BS on Uche. He comes later with information that Lydia was stalking him. If he felt like she was such a danger to him and any women around him why was he SO unsympathetic and unworried about Aaliyah at multiple points during this situation?? Lydia is smothering Aaliyah, Lydia is on top of Aaliyah constantly and Aaliyah is constantly telling Uche that she feels UNCOMFORTABLE. But Uche dismisses her constantly. After finding out more information from Uche, from his POV if the "stalking" is true, why does he keep dismissing Aaliyah's discomfort and why isn't he more alarmed??

[@tellmesomethingg]

Good point

[@jessicawilliams3849]

Yup. First Lydia is a great person and a loyal friend to keep forever. Then she’s a crazy stalker? Alright Uche.

[@Selsmittenxo]

​@@jessicawilliams3849right? 🥱 Anything that fits his narrative I guess.

[@hopehayes7131]

Why do I get so triggered by men (Uche and my clients) saying "I'm so stupid" when a relationship doesn't meet their expectations? This is a new awareness, brought forward by watching this episode.

[@em8066]

I was wondering the same, though reflecting on past boyfriends rather than clients (I'm not a therapist). Perhaps it's the part Uche added, pinning Aaliyah as "the wrong person" whom he fell for in error? As if she's the betrayer, and he's the victim who can do no wrong. As if he contributed nothing to the misunderstanding. As if only he is capable of being triggered, and only she is capable of saying/doing triggering things. As if he is to be served, and she is to do all the emotional labor of recovering the relationship. As if the case is closed, he knows all, even though he aggressively shut her down and minimized her experience so that he never heard everything she had to say. It's a very defeating attitude. I don't believe it's a tactic actually meant to seal the end of the relationship, but meant to invite a chase. Her choice is to take on all the work and responsibility of fighting to salvage the relationship, or walk away without a resolution.

[@dazedconfuseds]

I e seen a lot of people being triggered by Uche...maybe is like a tough teacher or parent or something....I really got get as upset as most on Uche's character...I just see that he's very logical in thinking. He doesn't seem to take others emotions as him. For him , it would be like, why aren't you seeing this as logical as me. I don't know if that helps or makes sense

[@user-gm3lg8gp3m]

@@dazedconfusedsI don't view him as logical. His logic is clouded by his perspective and biases.

[@dazedconfuseds]

Maybe I didn't word it correctly but when I say logical I mean he removes emotion. He just basics all his opinions on what is in front of him. 1+1=2 , things are only done in one way, thinking. He doesn't put himself in other peoples point of view or what they might be going through. It's just what he has in front of him that matters. Eg he's a very inside the box thinking person. Very black&white

[@lilyandnala8138]

When they say it it makes it seem like it’s the other person’s fault that the relationship didn’t work out. Like he’s done everything he could to make it work (he possibly did from his point of view), and the other person is somehow faulty why it’s not working out. It feels a bit like indirectly blaming someone, him feeling like a victim. As someone on the receiving end it would make me feel misunderstood, helpless and stupid. On another note, Dr Honda said in an earlier episode that Uche’s ‘assertiveness’ about Aaliyah’s cheating admission might be difficult to watch for those who had (a) critical parent(s) (or something down the line, I might have got it wrong. It’s still there to watch). I wonder why he triggered so many people (including me).

[@sunnyblonde93]

I think another very important piece of the puzzle is that at the time of this phone call, Uche had only said good things to Aaliyah about Lydia. He said she could trust Lydia. So it almost does seem shady after the untrustworthy shit Lydia did lol.

[@caitlinbarfield8296]

For me, it’s Uche’s condescending tone and bulldozing manner I wouldn’t be be able to get over. Sure I can empathize and try to see “his point of view”, but ultimately he’s showing how he handles negative conflict relating to rejection/humiliation. I know plenty of people who would not feel safe if they were on the receiving end of this phone call, which is why I think people connect his behaviors with abuse. I don’t blame Aaliyah at all for leaving and I’m glad she protected herself in the end.

[@amandadosanjos3994]

I am just happy that dr Honda is having the same views of Uche and Aaliyah as we all did in the beginning .. his analysis will be even more interesting when Uche’s mask falls in the upcoming episodes and his view on Lydia will also be different and I can’t wait for that!

[@laianepeixoto698]

Uche is very frustrating... Jump to conclusions of being attacked, super annoying.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

I do wonder where that comes from, it actually reminds me of a friend who had a VERY traumatic early childhood and was badly abused in her first serious romantic relationship. Like the way he reacts to everything as a personal attack, even the ways he phrases some things is nearly identical to her. I wonder if there is some serious trauma in Uche’s past that he doesn’t want to broadcast publicly.

[@LenaL146]

I agree, the lecturing is very annoying - your way is not the only way, Uche!!!

[@laianepeixoto698]

@@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse I have a few close friends that have the same behaviour of interpreting someone attacking or intending to, towards them. They definitely have childhood trauma, so I wouldn't be surprised if he have too.

[@mkaverage4773]

22:45 She is not just talking to one of his exes. She didn’t run into his ex at a bar & then flee their relationship. She is living with his ex, has no outside connection, cannot leave, all while his ex goes on & on about him. AND when would she ever live with an ex again? The fact that Uche can’t comprehend that running into an ex & being stuck with one for days is different is very concerning.

[@sallycinnamon5370]

But he is right that it was literally 1 day left. And she went from “I want her yo be the aunt to my kids” to “I can’t even be in the same room as her”? And she literally didn’t tell him she was even having an issue with Lydia. She expressed mostly that she was upset because they were close.

[@aliciamoyo490]

@@sallycinnamon5370 Yeah there was 1 day left - until they go on the honeymoon and she has to see Lydia AGAIN. And then they have all the manufactured parties and dress shopping moments where she would have to deal with Lydia AGAIN. Also, Aliyah is allowed to change her mind. She initially liked Lydia, but then found out she'd been lying to her for days, and then all their conversations afterwards consisted of Lydia bulldozing her and repeatedly talking about Uche. She tried to be okay with it when she first found out, but I imagine it would take time for the full situation to sink in for Aliyah, and she was constantly being bothered by Lydia, so of course she realised what was going on, and changed her stance on her friendship with Lydia.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Exactly.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@sallycinnamon5370 1 day, 1 month, doesn't matter. You get to set boundaries to protect yourself. And we don't know what she did or did not say. We're getting an edited version of the story.

[@kweenz600]

@@sallycinnamon5370 she said in an interview (on Lauren and Cameron’s channel) that she left the experiment to get away from Lydia but intended to continue her relationship with Uche - just without the pressure of the pods. Even without that context, I still think that it makes sense for her to leave. Given the level of deception from both Uche and Lydia, I’d have left the second I found this out ✌🏾

[@tato1026]

Why is he so judgmental? He's so comfortable criticizing people and telling them how they're supposed to act. Someone please tell me they dont end up together.

[@pinsandneedles3]

Yeah, I feel like he has a tendency to jump to criticism and often fails to listen in difficult situations. I understand why he was really upset in this moment but ugh. I wish he gave her more space to talk and didn't bulldoze ahead with his judgement of her actions.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@pinsandneedles3agreed. From the beginning she said she was still into him. It's weird how quickly he tossed that aside. It almost feels like he's mostly mad he doesn't get to go to Mexico.

[@pinsandneedles3]

​@@zacharyjohnson1193 Yeah. It really did come across like he cared more about continuing on the show and his ego being hurt than he cared about the fact that she said she still wanted him. This conversation could have been so different if he had just *listened* 😮‍💨😮‍💨

[@amandadosanjos3994]

Also Aaliyah has mentioned that Uche knew about Lydia and her being friends way before the day he came out with the news.

[@Stormy575]

I try to keep in mind that production is always pushing a narrative and only showing us what they want us to see. At the same time, what I have a hard time getting past is that he doesn't give Aaliyah the benefit of the doubt. If someone I cared about didn't show up for me and I didn't know why, I would go in first wanting to make sure they're ok. She's telling him she's not ok and he's still scolding her and making it about him. If my partner can't trust that I am an adult and making decisions for a good reason, that is a red flag. He can disagree with her, but freaking respect her, please. Don't treat her like a child.

[@catherine.rezzuto]

the patronizing ultra-logical no room for another person's perspective lecturing mode of uche's communication style is very off-putting to me and i can see why aaliyah resorts to emotionally shutting down when bulldozing occurs. uche seems to always be on the defensive, super critical to point out flaws in others and hesitant to see someone else's perspective because he doesn't want to admit fault.

[@katherinecote-trotter3300]

I get the impression that Uche often jumps to conclusions very fast and holds on to them regardless of additional information… it feels punishing and I think that that happens because it looks like when he is hurt by someone, he goes to a blaming place and regards the other as the problem (e.g. selfish and callous in this case, or “the wrong person” who isn’t thinking of him and his well-being)

[@leonoralicious]

My husband calls that phone balls, people being extra cheeky on the phone.

[@r.w.5254]

No one has any right to speak to you the way Uche speaks to women. You have every right to walk away from this treatment. Do not let this channel or anyone else convince you that Uche's behavior is grounded or acceptable. Most people people clocked Uche during the cheating conversation. There's nothing else to "come out," he showed us who he was then --believe him. Everything else that he has done since then is nothing more than Uche behaving in line with his character.

[@mkaverage4773]

29:11 I don’t think it’s insane to have the thought of, “did they plan to be here together.” I think that would cross a lot of peoples minds & the fact that he gets SO angry & cannot even consider why she might have thought that is weird. It seems like a completely normal thing to consider in this abnormal situation. I would believe it if it turned out Uche was the one who followed Lydia to be honest. I could see him doing it just to mess with her. But I could see Lydia following him as well. I could also see Netflix purposefully putting exes on without either knowing just for the drama.

[@glibcast3863]

I think Kirk misses one important factor with Uche. Part of his anger and motivation is that he loses out on the opportunity of being on the rest of the season. That said, his anger is alarming. I stopped the video a number of time and was like, “is this guy scary?”

[@MaterialGworlKodi]

Yes! He seems more pissed that he couldn't be on the show

[@RenayOpish]

I don’t find him scary, but he seems like a jerk. You have a good point I hadn’t thought of, that this would mean he couldn’t do the show- that hadn’t occurred to me.

[@thatpenguinlady]

I wonder if this conversation between Aliyah and Lydia happened in the bathroom or something like that, because that must be the only place they dont have cameras and mics everywhere

[@buffy6673]

I think they save the juicy details for the reunion

[@keiyoshiki]

I haven’t seen footage of bedrooms! Do they sleep there or at a hotel?

[@silviayantuche5791]

@@keiyoshikiI think so.. the pods are only a filming set

[@keiyoshiki]

@@silviayantuche5791 ok!!! Thx for answering me!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@grim524]

​@@keiyoshikiThey sleep in trailers

[@stellannie86]

Uche must've known there's at least a possibility Lydia is being suspicious, so lashing out like that on Aaliyah seems very unfair. :/

[@Stormy575]

Especially when you consider the story he tells later. Like why doesn't it dawn on him here that Aaliyah may be onto something? It's not inconsistent with his experience.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@Stormy575maybe Aaliyah got too close to the truth.

[@CLBellamey]

I think like Dr Honda said he maybe has some abandonment trauma which is causing him to not have access to that differentiation. He seems confused as to why she keeps talking about Lydia so he doesn't even see Lydia as being a factor in the situation.

[@APerson-qw8yy]

I don’t think it’s unfair. He feels like she gave up and she pretty much ran away right before he was going to propose. Neither of their actions were ideal but its not weird that he would obviously be upset and he is at the height of his emotions.

[@AllyMack23]

@@APerson-qw8yySpoiler for episode 8: . . . I think what Stella is saying is that Uche was at least somewhat suspicious of Lydia too, as evidenced by him accusing her of knowing he was going to be on the show during the BBQ party later on. So the fact that he's acting like that's an absurd idea here when Aaliyah proposes it seems kind of unfair.

[@user-nk4qq4jh5v]

I dont understand why Uche and Lydia are so heartless about how wild the situation is for Aliyah. Everything she knew is not true. Shes no longer safe. And they are looking down on Aliyah so wrongfully so, just lacking empathy or awareness outside of themselves.

[@LenaL146]

I think Aaliyah did the right thing. She knew he would try to talk her out of her decision to leave, but she was not feeling right about the whole situation, so she removed herself. Now they can meet up outside of that situation and see what happens. Well done, Aaliyah! No need to make entertainment out of your feelings!!!! ❤❤

[@lauradominguez2160]

Dr. Honda sometimes upsets me, when he keeps giving this horrible men so much grace, and benefit of the doubt. Uche literally said to Aliyah “You thought about yourself and you didn’t think about me at all” when she said she had to PROTECT herself, that was so manipulative, and guilt tripping. I felt very off put by Uche since the beginning, his dominant tendencies and his ways of putting Aliyah down, I feel like, it triggered my issues with having been in an abusive relationship in the past, I felt like I could see right through him since the beginning. And it upsets me that dr Honda seems to really like him and believe the best of him, even when he shows this signs, but it is clear, that Dr Kirk has already made his mind about the bad traits in Lydia, and she doesn’t get this much grace, that Uche is getting. The same happened when he reacted to Damian in, After the Altar, with his whole Francesca’s act, and even worse, when he first reacted to Matt psychologicaly abusing Colleen in the Honey moon scene, Uff boy!! how I cried to that scene 😣 IDK just putting it out there, I’m not a hater and I really enjoy, and have learnt so much from Dr Honda’s content, but I just really needed to express this.

[@michelem226]

Yeah this scene definitely deserves a "yikes".

[@KL-sr5jv]

I feel you

[@laughingwaters8309]

I feel the same. 27 years married to a narcissist (diagnosed by 2 of our marital counselors) and he continues to manipulate others and abuse me through co-parenting. He rages at me..and then people make so many excuses for him...One thing I will never do is enable abuse.

[@laughingwaters8309]

One thing is that it really takes being in a narcissistic or abusive relationship to really get it. I really appreciate Dr. Honda's desire to refrain from judging others...it's so wonderful.......but being in an emotionally abusive relationship...I grew to understand, how crazy making it is...nothing you do is EVER enough. And people making excuses for it did more trauma than the actual abuse in many ways.

[@kozume_miko]

uche is so extremely triggering to me, everything you were saying sounds so logical to me but on a human level I just hate him.

[@Tink00]

Just because we can empathize with him doesn't mean he's in the right. I can see how he would feel hurt an unsteady, but that doesn't mean he gets to talk down to Aaliyah and not care about how she's feeling

[@robinnilsson9487]

I think uche was hurt by what she did, and he wanted to hurt her feelings in response, but he knows he cant just be mean overtly. So he says hes stupid for daitng her. He wants her to hear that and be hurt, i think. Its another way of feeling like he has power over her, and it matches his tone and the way hes trying to treat her like shes small and he is superior.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Yeah, his hurting feels intentional to me.

[@donnabohanon1570]

Thank you for your analysis here especially of Aaliyah. I totally understand her. I also appreciate your recognition of how destabilizing the situation of Lydia and Uche had to be. It’s really bad and neither of them considered or truly vocalized any concern about her feelings. I think that is very strange and heartless.

[@Eman__7]

I think Uche process everything in an extremely logical way. Like 1+1=2 mindset. But in life you have to process things (especially relationship situations) in a combination of logical and emotional mindset. I think it will take him years or a highly emotionally intelligent woman to shock him and make him aware of that fact about himself. Or if he went through a rough emotional experience and his logic failed him and didn’t give him the answers he need, he will eventually realize that life is not based on logic solely. And that in order to go through life in a much balanced way u have to give weight to both the logic and the emotions. He remind me of myself before I had depression, I was extremely logical in my way of viewing life and my decision making. But when I had a serious depression episode, my logic failed me miserably. I overcame my depression and that experience taught me that I have to give weight to my emotions in every decision I make. Logic is a great tool but relying solely on that tool is like relying on one of your senses.

[@CharlieTheChap]

So well put. I skew a lot towards trying to square everything out to make it make sense. Never thought about it that way. You’ve given me something to think about.

[@sarahyarmuth267]

the vertigo you described feeling is exactly how i felt learning about my husband’s infidelity. i have had almost a year of intense therapy and i still feel like i’m in a slight sense of vertigo. it feels validating to know you experienced something similar during that movie, and have recovered (assumed) 😊

[@AllyMack23]

I can imagine... I'm so sorry.

[@LaurenAnne6]

Uche did say during the aftermath of the cheating admission that he has a hard time putting himself into other people's shoes.

[@zimtapfel]

Well, if he knows of that “handicap”, it would be extra important to slow down during conflicts and put effort into trying to understand the other person’s perspective. But he’s so quick to judge.

[@LaurenAnne6]

@@zimtapfel For sure. He seems like he's not there yet. I feel like there's quite a jump between being aware of an issue and being able to change the behavior.

[@zimtapfel]

@@LaurenAnne6 True. Maybe watching it now from „the outside“ will make it easier for him to change. It’s like doing a role play and watching it on video afterwards. I really hope he learns from it because with a woman like Aaliyah it can pretty quickly turn into abusive behavior.

[@joelleanderson5646]

In Out of the Pods podcast, Natalie said that she wrote a letter to a connection not aired and production would not give the letter to him. So even if Aaliyah wrote him a letter he might never have seen it for drama’s sake.

[@Rubenesquebody]

Spoiler- Isn’t this scene soo odd to watch after seeing last episodes? Him accusing Lydia of stalking him, watching his house etc it feels like it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that Lydia is capable of some degree of ‘crazy’ and he should really emphasize with Alliyah. Also the way he spoke about Lydia in the pods vs later on- the difference…

[@rp7604]

That was so hard to watch. Sooooo frustrating. I understand how Uche must have felt abandoned and hurt but she obviously wanted to continue the relationship and leaving the show doesnt mean leaving him, those are two different things and the cast members somehow act as if there was no distinction between the two.

[@amoochan_]

Again, thank you so much Dr. Honda for speaking about how people are and how they contribute to relationships and relationship dynamics in such a.. calm, factual, yet kind way. It's very normalizing and also has helped me to be able to look at myself and recognize how I contribute to my relationships in positive and negative ways.

[@ElderMilennial]

When we are hurt or scared, it's natural for us to look for comfort, assurance, and perspective from people we love and trust. In the pods, Aailyah is cut off from all of her friends and family (and maybe her therapist). The people she trusted most in the bubble (Uche, Lydia, and the producers) lied to her and caused her current turmoil. I understand why she left. It's concerning that he can't empathize with her.

[@katherinecote-trotter3300]

Haha, love the shoutout to the theory of mind and sally anne test (or equivalent to that test)

[@gbahari2]

I really don't care much for Uche one way or another and I acknowledge almost anything said in the video is accurate (e.g., Aalyiah should've left for her mental health, she did the right thing) but it's baffling to me that no one cares about the fact that the guy was just about to propose to someone who he fell in love with and then suddenly realized the woman has left without saying even a word to him or giving him a heads up. Aaliyah did the right thing to protect herself (I applaud her), but put yourself in his shoes for a second too, he's in an awful state of shock at the moment. It doesn't matter that she left the experiment (good for her), what matters is that she didn't let the guy know and didn't care how that action would impact him. She just fled without even knowing whether she'd ever see him again or probably with the purpose of having Uche run after her and follow her to prove his love for her (due to Lydia's words, she's not reassured that Uche really wants her, so she runs away and thinks "if he loves me, he'll find me"). Did she even apologize for leaving without saying a word? I don't recall. How would we react if a guy left without saying a word? It doesn't justify Uche's behavior, but explains his state of mind. Imagine if he has abandonment issues: To know that the person you love, has it in themselves to leave you without saying a word (without thinking for a moment how it'd impact you), can be a horrifying feeling. We spend hours justifying her actions and empathizing with her feelings (which I do too and I understand), but can we do the same for Uche for a minute or two in this scene? Just let the guy know you're leaving and then leave!!

[@dassijes5943]

Given how Uche reacted the last time Aaliyah failed to meet his expectations (infidelity talk) I don't blame her for leaving like she did. If you want people to be open with you, create a safe environment.

[@gbahari2]

very fair point. understandable and likely; however, if you don't feel safe and secure with someone to the point that you can't even give them a quick heads up "hey I'm leaving you", you don't then passionately express your love to them over the phone the next day and talk about marrying them. all I'm saying is her reason for leaving like that (again, good for her protecting her mental health) mainly had to do with herself, not taking anyone else into account, sort of in line with her cheating in the past and then saying "but my sexual needs weren't met, what was I supposed to do?" (I'm really not judging her for cheating, it can happen to almost anyone). I just think a simple apology would've shown a bit of self-awareness on her side of how *her* impulsive actions may impact other ppl (of course, Uche has his own rather nasty issues when it comes to treating women/ppl in general, but that doesn't mean anything someone else does to him is justified and ok). @@dassijes5943

[@dassijes5943]

@@gbahari2 I agree, I wish for Aaliyah that if she didn't feel safe with Uche (understandably) that she could've concluded that he wasn't a good partner and dropped her interest in him. At this point tho I imagine it'd be hard to tell if it was Lydia, Uche, production or just the whole situation making her feel unsafe.

[@lashawnajohnson5964]

Just waiting for him to get caught up 😅

[@steffany3513]

Doc, i like that you give the reason of hurt and feelings by for Uche. But olease watch his scenes in real time as well. When you watch them as they happen he is a hammer. I think he also minimized the situation and Aalyiahs feeling with “some girl”. I know he doesnt know what happened with Lydia and Aalyiah, but as a partner are you not concerned that she sounds so upset and broken? Also, she was trying to tell him how bad it was getting but he minimized it and sort of attacked her. I like that you give Uche is feeling hurt and rejected. But one thing I have noticed with you doc is when a man is becoming aggressive bordering on abusive, we dont also get the perspective of the woman. Or how a victim can get out of this. I will give the breakdowns of Big Ed vs Angela as an example. You are normally a bit harder on Angela than you are on Big Ed. Just IMO. I really learn alot about the more aggressive person in your breakdowns.

[@hadeerabdelnaiem8556]

Dr Kirk’s frustrated reaction to Uche had me 😂 I felt the same Doc 😅

[@chocolatecat198]

It's eerie watching a lot of the scenes between Aaliyah and Lydia because it resembles the dynamic I had with my stepmom, who was a very strong personality. Appreciate your reactions and observation about this relationship in particular.

[@RosyFdz]

20:23 have you seen the interview by past season participant Cameron with Aaliyah in his KZbin podcast Hanging with the Hamiltons, they discuss how seemingly hostile he was on this phone call to her

[@Oli3TB76]

Even with me knowing what you do and don't know, I think you're a little too understanding of Uche's behaviour

[@Tink00]

I don't think Aaliyah feels safe telling Uche about her grievances with him. He went off on her when she told him about something in her past that really had nothing to do with him, and completely minimized her concerns about the situation with Lydia. He's not worried or supportive. He's just mad at her. I wouldn't feel able to explain anything to him in that situation.

[@SEOshogun]

I think Uche was hurt and then angry. I think he felt abandoned. Aaliyah even left the journal he gave her, right? With the poem in it? I feel really sorry for both of them in this moment.

[@katarinasinfamy]

I agree. I feel like nobody is giving Uche any grace for how horrible this situation is for him… I would react in exactly the same way. To be abandoned without a word- completely unacceptable in my mind. (PS I haven’t watched this video yet so I’m mainly talking about the comments I’ve seen on this and other channels)

[@katarinasinfamy]

PPS I’m not saying he handled it perfectly but it’s a very human and expected response to me…

[@Jess_cool25]

I think at this point I felt bad for Uche and have empathy for him. However as the show progresses my empathy for him diminishes 😅

[@SEOshogun]

​@Jess_cool25 lol also understandable!

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I have empathy for him feeling hurt, but I can't forgive this behavior. It's too cruel and hurtful.

[@reneerevolinski4822]

Unpopular opinion - to me Uche bulldozes even more than Lydia. Yes, Lydia was out of line when she told Alliyah about his home, dog, car, etc... but she wasn't yelling at her or being condescending. And once Uche finally spilled the beans, he didn't provide the details like Lydia did (i.e. the last time she saw him, etc) And now Uche is all over social media trying to clear his name, its do lame.

[@jasmincastillo8686]

I’m excited to see you watch the Taylor documentary! And I still hope you’ll watch the Selena gomez one too since a lot of it is about her bipolar diagnosis

[@rockaby86]

For some reason the way Dr. Honda breaks down Aaliyah’s and Uche’s story is resonating much more with me than just watching the show, because I didn’t resonate with their stories but more so with their patterns of behavior/ their dynamic. I feel like learning soooo much from this.

[@LunaHealing]

I find it interesting that everyone is so ready to defend Aaliyah and blame Uche. But are not considering how scary and devastating that situation could've been for him. Now, I don't watch the show so I don't know anything outside of what Dr. Honda shows here. But, to me, what I see, is someone who is deeply hurt and triggered by their partner going MIA. I do agree that his tone is not conducive to an open and vulnerable conversation and I want to give her some grace in that she probably was feeling very triggered and threatened by that other woman. Yet, disappearing and cutting off contact with someone without explanation, especially due to something they are unaware of, is not the most emotionally mature response. And feels to me like she was displacing/projecting her feelings about the other lady towards Uche. So, while I agree that he does come off as aggressive and condescending, she certainly didn't handle the situation in the best way. I do understand that maybe it was the best she could do at the time. But, like Dr. Honda mentioned, we don't know what traumas he has that could have been activated by her leaving. As someone with abandonment trauma, I can say that, before I started healing, something like what Aaliyah did would have sent me into a deep rage and depression. Especially, if you don't see it coming. So, while I want to extend her some grace because I can see how distressed she is, I also want to do the same for him. Just because we don't see him crying hysterically doesn't mean he is not very hurt. In fact, anger is a cover emotion for fear and pain. And, to me, it is clear that he is very hurt. Nowadays we always want to find the villain. When, in reality, in most situations, everyone is a villain and a victim at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.

[@boasorte253]

I completely relate to Uche and can appreciate that many comments take issue with Uche’s behavior toward Aaliyah. I think he sees the world in a particular way and that way is perfectly reasonable and rational. When faced with information that he deems unreasonable or irrational it’s offensive to him and hard to wrap his head around and he starts on a line of questioning (that turns into a cross examination) to get the listener to also arrive at his pov or see the error in their thinking. This is all done without consideration for his tone or posture or how the words or interaction negatively impacts the listener. Not because Uche is evil and heartless but because he maybe thinks making his point is the point. Then when he has time to think about all sides of the interaction he can reflect on how the other person was negatively impacted. I don’t watch the show, this is based solely on Dr Honda’s videos but he seemed to do this with the cheating discussion.

[@Billchungus-e3e]

Uche a total creep....keep watching the show doc

[@prisminside8904]

I think there’s way more manipulation from production that we can even imagine which has led to this point

[@markj3169]

I think among other things the show wants display with Aaliya that cast members have the freedom to leave if they want to save face. I only hope that when they leave they get a set of gold glasses and some snacks

[@lilyandnala8138]

Why did I just think of Izzy when you mentioned giving them a set of gold glasses…

[@grim524]

​@@lilyandnala8138Because he only has plastic? 😂

[@ezzb]

I can't wait for the makeup discussion.

[@lynnvon8758]

I don't blame Aaliyah for leaving Lidia was basically throwing it in Aaliyahs face she was there first and I think we can all agree when you love someone you don't wanna picture them with someone else it's not comfortable. And Lidia wouldn't stop.

[@barbmoore6587]

My mantras for my 3 adult grandchildren, when it pertains to love(male or females etc) "WHEN YOU NEED COMPASSION FROM YOUR LOVE, AND THEY SHOW YOU ANGER AND RESENTMENT... "THAT'S NOT LOVING YOU" 🙏🏼

[@HirtopLaura]

Uche mentioned something interesting in his ig stories, that they were asked to disclose a list of their exes during the process of casting, and neither him or Lidya mentioned one another. He stated many times there was not that serious for him, but the show really tries to make their situationship look like a very big deal for Lidya. And still, she didn't mention him in the casting process. The whole situation is so complex 🤔

[@HelloMomoMomo]

I want to go on this show just so Dr. Kirk can point out my bad personality traits so I can start working on them Jesus I need this

[@LizEsguerra]

😂

[@AiSayuriChan]

What I didn't like about Uche's behavior here was that he wasn't even trying to understand Aaliyah. She tried to tell him how terrible it was and that she had to leave because of that. If someone told me this, I'd be shocked and support their decision because I'd trust they knew what's best for them. But Uche? He's all about himself. Aaliyah is crying, trying to explain things to him, is clearly suffering and he's all like "But why did you leave ME?" He's also implying she's weak and overall his tone is once again pretty harsh. I do understand his disappointment but again if someone's obviously suffering a lot, you gotta put their feelings first, especially if you're trying to buiild something with them. So when it comes to that... mentalization thing (?) Dr Honda talked about, Uche clearly can't do it. I really don't like Uche's way of handling these things. Reminds me of a guy I was dating who would also get aggressive easily and also expect things that didn't make sense. Like, Uche wants Aaliyah to trust him 100% after just a few days of talking through a wall, he expects full commitment during the getting to know each other stage. That's too much. And then on top of that getting angry at someone for not knowing you well enough to trust you completely... With a man like that you can't do anything right. And it might drive you crazy, too. I believe Aaliyah unknowingly dodged a bullet. Dr Honda, please remember this phone call well! There's gonna be interesting stuff happening and I'd like to know how you perceive this phone call and other things Uche has said so far with what's happening later :)

[@sintara8442]

Yea and he expects that trust after lying to her multiple times during this short amount of time too..

[@AmblingSoulCC]

I have been waiting for you thoughts on this specific situation. And the fact that they only have known each other Aaliyah and Lydia, Aaliyah and Uche for a very few days. She made a good decision to remove herself from a very strange situation.

[@mds8255]

I would have left too. If I get overwhelmed (and the situation read very overwhelming) I no longer care about anything and I need to remove myself.

[@pwetty4r4]

It helps to understand Uche's communication style that he is a practicing lawyer lol

[@emhu2594]

it's not that, it's about the barely restrained anger in his voice whenever he speaks.

[@Popculturemom77]

He doesn’t actually practice, though. And that’s a horrible stereotype that doesn’t apply to most attorneys.

[@pwetty4r4]

Uche went on ego defense mode, probably acted out of feeling rejected

[@Patriciameloc]

I find very confusing how Uche started by saying how Lydia was such an amazing woman and he was so happy about her and Aaliyah friendship and then when he felt "left" his behavior towards Lydia changed COMPLETELY. Like, even if what he's saying about Lydia is 100% true, he was lying on the beginning. I honestly feel he's exaggerating about her behavior (not saying Lydia hadn't any fault), but what I get from him is that he's always trying to seem super calm cool and collected, but at the first sign of him not being the center of the story, he's on attack mode, with both Aaliyah and Lydia. I feel Lydia was acting crazy with him because he was lying to her and giving all the mixed signals and making her feel crazy, because that's what he's starting to do with Aaliyah, he asks for honesty when he's not being honest, he doesn't listen and never lets her finish one sentence when he's "disappointed with her", he's very condescending and partenalistic. I don't doubt Lydia went to the show to follow him, but two wrongs don't make him right. Spoilers from after the show: I know he said he and Aaliyah dated and his comment about "we're done" was edited in, but she mentioned in a interview that she had him blocked (what we see on the episode when they meet at the restaurant) because he kept sending a lot of messages talking about how he was feeling and being dismissive of hers and then, after they dated, she felt that there was some true to Lydia's version of their story.

[@my_cat_is_the_size_of_cabb8578]

Coming from queer community the idea of getting this upset about being friends with someone who is a recent ex of your current partner is hard to understand

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

We'll just say there is more information forthcoming. And there's a really good Aaliyah interview that someone mentioned in the last episode that you should comment on after the episodes are over on Cameron Hamilton (of Cameron and Lauren)'s channel.

[@RenayOpish]

Commenting to bump this!

[@kekegarcia4189]

I bet $50 they're saving the "incident" with Lydia & aliyah clip for the reunion.

[@Demifan39]

I had so much faith in Uche but wow this phone called changed everything for me about him. I would be on constant egg shells with him.

[@bbyPopta]

Dr. Honda, would you ever consider reacting to international reality tv? For example, terrace house or is she the wolf? I find that those shows have much less overt drama, which can be refreshing, but still some things worth reflecting on. I think it’d be fun to see what you think!

[@SadeMetsavirta]

I feel like I'm gonna get hate for this, but I actually relate to Uche much more than Aaliyah, I hate people who just run away and abandon you, it's so fucked up and cowardly. I disliked Aaliyah ever since the way she talked about her cheating without taking any responsibility for it. Sure, Uche comes off harsh, but I understand this situation can be very triggering and I feel like I'd be way more "aggressive" if someone did that to me. Yes Aaliyah had the right to leave, but she could have literally at least left him a note or requested a call with him herself so he wouldn't have had to find out that way...

[@jannellemoreno4799]

Spoiler! Im curious to see your commentary when they meet in person. Aliyah was recently interviewed and she mentioned that uchee had mentioned she wasn't his type. Which explains why he didn't give the relationship much of a chance. Then he was hell bent on getting explanations from lydia about their past history probably because he didn't get a successful relationship out of the experience so he wants to sabotage hers. Aliyah dodged a bullet glad she left the show.

[@pwetty4r4]

That environment became completely unsafe for Aaliyah, realizing the the produces have been playing with your emotions like that the WHOLE TIME? and having to live with the potentially crazy woman

[@connie27100]

They sleep in hotels. It's not big brother.

[@emhu2594]

lydia is not crazy. uche cheated. lydia told aaliyah and aaliyah had the good sense to extricate herself from the situation. uches hypocrisy probably pushed her over the edge.

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

I don't think that Uche immediately thinks that anything's his fault.

[@Sadji594]

You did a great job analyzing this. Cuz we can all understand why Uche could be upset but you telling him to bring it down is absolutely correct. He keeps saying like Lydia is some girl. You slept with that some girl 3 months ago. And come to find out. He said he dated Lydia for three weeks or so in 2020 but didn't tell her about the sleeping with Lydia 3 months prior. You are going to see later how he goes after Lydia verbally. He has no empathy because if the shoe was on the other foot, he would definitely break up with her. So I have to sit here constantly listening to your ex-girlfriend who you were just sexually with three months ago about you and then also go on vacation to Mexico with her and you and continue to do all these things and the process with her and you. He's acting like it's only one more day. She has to be around this woman. They have to go to Mexico on vacation and if they get through that then they have meetups, then dress shopping. There is a lot of time the group spends together, all the while she will have to see Lydia and you in the same space. Absolutely no empathy.

[@finkplamingoes]

At 30:05, I think she's saying "because I know how you get," not "because I don't have you yet."

[@ollasdiary]

Dr Kirk you are amazing! I watch you from Poland ☺️ actually from Czech Rep 😂 anyways I admire your work and your style of being and expressing your thoughts and you’re so easy going 👍👍👍 congrats!

[@katarinasinfamy]

Thank you for your empathy for Uche… I seem to have very similar triggers to him and would have such a similar reaction… 😢

[@kitkapow]

I'm glad you posted this. I have a lot of trouble empathizing with Uche - hearing vulnerability from someone similar really helps me see him as a real human being who is hurting and triggered. I don't like the way he talked to Aaliyah, but he's hurting too.

[@katarinasinfamy]

@@kitkapow thank you for saying that…🙏

[@MemeYCT]

Thanks, Dr. Honda, for discussing mentalization. When I first watched the episode, I thought Uche reacted a bit strongly. However, now, seeing it from his perspective, I can understand why he'd be so shocked that Aliya left. They had just agreed to face this challenge together and not let Lydia affect their relationship. Unfortunately, the next thing he discovered was that she had bailed on him. To me, it's understandable.

[@jr2089]

He is VERY rude, aggressive, and condescending. She is better off without him. Although she is hurting now, I hope one day she will look back with gratitude that things ended the way the did.

[@Chrisy0850]

I know it's off topic but I don't know where else to ask.. Can you, Dr Honda, make a video about how to cope with anxiety about war? I live in Europe (Berlin, Germany) and the current situation is killing me.. I was already upset about Ukraine and what comes out of this for all of us but the situation now in Israel worries me so much I can hardly sleep 😢. Are there coping mechanism to get those pictures out of my head of dead people on the streets, women and children, some sort of calm oneself down and not lose all hope ? Sorry again for asking this question here on love is blind video, I watched all your videos starting with the topic of narcissm etc.. I admire your patience and your wisdom so I thought I just ask.. (and sorry for my English, it's not my mother's tongue..)

[@athenajreij676]

I think Uche’s position as a lawyer makes him see morality as very black and white and his position allows him to persecute people who are technically in the wrong. And this pattern very clearly carries into his love life.

[@Peanut_taco_muffin]

I am more certain than ever that Lydia came onto the show under very suspicious circumstances, she was fake the entire time in the pods, when she was desperately trying to land ANY guy because she wanted to get to the altar to make Uche jealous. She’s very transparent and tries to be an undercover manipulator. She knew damn well Aaliyah did not want her to keep talking about Uche and the way she was speaking of him screamed “stalker” to me. I believe Uche about her and tbh, people are tearing the guy apart because he said some somewhat ignorant things, but he didn’t DO anything wrong. The show wouldn’t let him talk about the relationship with Lydia until the point he told Aaliyah about her. The way Lydia smiled and said “you found love here…and you know what, that’s BOTH of us” and smiled that CREEPY, offputting smile and I swear, in that moment, I could tell that she was using Milton solely to make Uche jealous, and she was trying to make Aaliyah jealous at the same time. Not to mention when she said to Izzy “I assure you, I’m in love with Milton” and it was like she was having difficulty even saying that out loud, and she was deliberately trying to make Izzy jealous. Bizarre behavior. And scary.

[@janine3664]

Uche goes from condescending to berating in almost every instance where he doesn't agree with a person or they are trying to give their perspective that he doesn't want to hear. Even when Aaliyah is crying he doesn't let up. He isn't a good partner though he may be a good lawyer cuz all he does is "lawyer" in every situation.

[@RaySWilson]

Let’s start a petition to get Dr. Honda on the production team