Lucy Has A Crisis | Lucy Moon

I can't stop thinking about changes, friendships and alcohol. There's a chance that I'm having a quarter-life crisis but we're going to sit fiercely in denial for at least another two months.
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[@glorylynn7743]

i feel like my mouth hasn't caught up with my brain. i talk SO differently in my brain than what i say out loud. its like two different people

[@glorylynn7743]

that sounds really dumb now that i have typed it out, oh goodness :/

[@Kate-zy6ov]

no I TOTALLY GET THAT

[@laurawalker3915]

SAME

[@ricardaseven6083]

Yesssss, same! It's like my brain is a different person sometimes

[@lunadelvolgo1184]

Same

[@LaurenAquilinaMusic]

ugh, that part about not being able to progress as fast as you want to/feel you can because of other factors. THAT.

[@FloralFidelity]

I feel like I've outgrown a lot of my friends. I've changed so much and I feel like some of them really haven't and I feel like they're dragging me back into a place/person I don't want to be. It's hard because I've known them for so long and I still care about them but I'm realizing that I don't really like them anymore. And it's even harder bc I'm really bad at making new friends so I'm kinda in limbo :/

[@alexa-qo6bj]

I feel like as part of growing up everyone experiences this. My advice is don't be afraid to branch out but remember those who have always been there for you x

[@briannalashae5558]

i'm feeling the exact same thing right now oh my gosh couldn't have explained it any better

[@sivolia1317]

That is exactly how I feel. I care so much about them and we do have fun together but so often I just feel like I don't belong with them. I know that they hinder my developement into the person I actually am becaus they develope different than me. They care about other things. But I don't want to completly loose them because I do love them but I want people to talk to who are mor like me. Who I can talk to about the stuff I care about more. But I'm the worst at making friends.. so yeah.

[@shianne2027]

Yes!

[@Anemone81502]

ThievingFreebies This is sooo relatable for me because it's hard to let go of friends who you love but it's like you've grown apart as you've changed. And it's so hard to realize that you have to let go, so I hope you end up being content with the choices you make.

[@EbonyDayBlogs]

can we be best friends

[@lucymoon]

+Ebony Day yes we can. Can I sit next to you at lunch please

[@RichardAspdenOfficial]

Is this the popular table?

[@ebonyrose5430]

Ebony Day is there room for a second ebony? 😂

[@leenanorms]

Proud of you X

[@madz0rs]

i feel u on many levels

[@NouRosaldoChannel]

same...

[@linaothman6034]

feeling my life n't as my brain cus my heart is full of scars

[@lucyrutherford]

I went through this exact experience about a years and a half ago when I was about to graduate uni and I realised that the things my uni friends wanted out of life were not the same as what I wanted. Now I feel like I know myself really well and know what I want but my life hasn't caught up, i.e. I still live in my tiny home city and I work in a job I don't really enjoy. I'm hoping this will change next year and I'm working towards this changing but in the short term it is frustrating. I hope everything sorts itself out for you! :)

[@lucymoon]

+LucyTalks I feeeeel you! Good luck!

[@bonnie9109]

Once upon a time I just knew you as Chai's/Dodie's friend. Seems crazy to me, because ever since I've started watching your videos I've just fallen in love with you and your character. Your videos are extremely well done and worth watching in my opinion and that's not something I say that often. So thanks Lucy, thank you :) xx

[@lucymoon]

This mean a lot! Thank you for staying xx

[@bonnie9109]

Hey, just wanted you to know that I had a really shitty day and you replying made me feel a lil better, so thanks again! Aha xx

[@FmaForge]

the 'style hasn't caught up' thing is SO me. I have a really clear idea of how i'd LIKE to dress and present myself, but there's still a part of me that's holding myself back and automatically goes to clothes i see as 'safe' when I go shopping. I think I need more confidence in myself when it comes to clothes so my style can actually reflect who i am

[@sophiem7515]

I'm SO glad you made this. As a person, I've changed so much in 2016 and in late 2015. I relate to this almost EXACTLY. I had a friend who stopped talking to me altogether because - you guessed it - 'I changed'. For the longest time I was like 'oh no, I've somehow become a worse person that's why she doesn't like me anymore' but no. I haven't. I became a better person and she either didn't like the person I'd become or she felt threatened by it. Don't let anyone tell you you've changed, only YOU decide that. This is so important. 🙏🙌 Much love Lucy xx

[@sophiem7515]

Also I built my past friendships on insecurities and bitchiness. You're not the only making friends because of flaws. It happens, but one day you'll change and be like 'y'know what I'm tired of your shit -- I'M OUT" and that's totally fine (it happened to me)

[@Eff181]

LOVE the messy effect! :)

[@WouterWeggelaar]

Lucy, you have just explained perfectly one of the reasons I do not drink alcohol. basically, I *never* want to become another version of me. As simple as that. It is completely natural to change friends and maybe feel a bit alone in the process as well. You are not having a quarter life crisis, you are just living life!

[@sahaara7946]

I just found this video by random through twitter BUT oh boy does this hit home. On the inside I'm so far further than my outside things could catch up. If I would have the money I would completely get rid of my current closet and get the style I really would want to wear and would love to see me in but as a constant broke student I buy ONE clothing item in 6 months because this is all I can afford. Especially as of late I feel very very uncomfortable in my body. I finally got a new hair cut which let me feel more like myself but that feeling is fleeting and fading. The things I do do not 100% represent who I am anymore but I don't know how to change that. Some of those things require money and others don't. I always have this picture in my head of all those great stories about a person who changed their lives 360 degrees in one day or week or such. You know, those real success stories. The thing what they don't tell you about them is how those people really feel on the inside because it's uncomfortable to leave your comfortzone and suddenly change ALL the things. And I think they are just selling something that worked for them but it doesn't have to work for me/you. I guess when we are in such a transition and everything is trying to catch up we feel uncomfortable without knowing why or we can point to what exactly let's us feel this way. As terrible and morally wrong as it sounds: I'm not around the people I would love to be around but I don't know how to get to those people and interact/make friends with them. I love my friends but I'm not the same person I was back then. And I would love to make new friends and see them grow close to me like the ones I have. Long story short: I feel ya girl!

[@Sunidhi2706]

i have been feeling this way as well; like im not myself, im not satisfied with who i am. the person im "supposed to be" doesnt do the things i do, or say the stuff i do, or behave the way i do. i only wish i could take it as positively as you do tho, i've just been beating myself up through the process. hope all's well for you xx

[@lucymoon]

+Rupika AndHerTooLongLastName please don't beat yourself up!! Most important step is to forgive yourself 💕

[@Sunidhi2706]

will try that :) and thank you for the video.. kinda inspired me tbh xx

[@alyssavocadoo]

I can totally relate to this, especially to the I-feel-like-I've-changed part! I did have lost some friends in the past few years: in some cases it was either we had drifted apart or found a new group of friends, while in others it was due to the fact that I had changed and somehow didn't meet their expectations in terms of being a "good friend". At first, I was very upset that our friendship ended. However, after thinking about the whole situation, I've realized that one of them was a toxic person and that my other friend just got influenced by them. I am actually glad that this person isn't part of my life anymore, they would have only had a negative impact on me. Also, speaking of changes, I have read this quote once and it got stuck in my head since then. It says: "You're under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago"

[@unirpb2350]

change it up! get like a pixie cut! or extensions! or wear tight cropped tees or short skirts or long skirts or patched jackets.... my point is don't just wait for the change- go get it and take a leap :))))))

[@harriet2181]

I think you're incredibly admirable for posting this. I'm in my second year of university, I am studying in another country at the moment on Erasmus and I completely understand the clique thing and friendships on alcohol. The friends I have in the UK from university, most of whom I've met whilst they've been drunk. I don't drink. They haven't bothered to keep in touch with me so Fuck them (as you'd say). I see what you mean about not looking how you feel, I'm currently battling with this at the moment. Thank you for this video, be yourself and fuck everyone who doesn't like that

[@maddiejames9813]

I haven't felt that my outward self and my inward identity have matched. I'm short and my body still clings to the final puppy-fat of youth, additionally, I have a rounder face with bright freckles so I often appear younger than I am. Entering university while looking about 16 or younger has made me feel very out of place. I also find that my mind is constantly contradicting itself. I always say that I feel about 8 or 80 years old but never 18. Change is constant and change is life. You seem to have a much better handle on your change, Lucy. I wish you all the best.

[@SuperSamStuff]

I never know what to say to more naturally flowing videos like this. I have been told I've changed before, in regards to friends, ad what it doesn't usually come as a surprise I usually feel as if I'm progressing into someone I'd rather be. It's never an easy process but I hope you find the same thing in time

[@HannahAngel123]

You are the sort of KZbinr I could easily sit down with in a coffee shop and have a long conversation with about politics and existentialist problems.

[@notmckinzie]

this made so much sense! a few weeks ago I moved to chicago for college/university and I've noticed that the way I dress and the way I act around others isn't necessarily what I *want* to portray anymore. I feel so different from who I was a year ago, and I'm not sure how to outwardly project it yet.

[@catherinegittens594]

I went for a meal & drinks yesterday with an old friend who I hadn't seen for a while, and I instantly started acting how I used to act when I was closer friends with them. I was kind of frustrated at myself that I felt like I had to act the way I did, but it made me realise how far I have come, and how much I have positively changed since that friendship & part of my life. This video just reminded me that I feel like I've discovered so much about myself in the past year, and realised what type of people I want to be around. It's interesting how much you change without even realising until you really stand back and reflect on it :)

[@cinemoni]

I totally understand how you feel when you say you want things to progress really quickly. It's like there are so many changes coming your way and you don't want to be in the state of transition, you wanna be way ahead when the changes are normal again. At least that's how I feel right now. I'm graduating from college next week and moving to California in the next couple of months and it's all so scary and nerve-wracking but I know it'll all be alright in the future. I just want to be in that moment already.

[@LaurenWade]

I definitely went through something similar upon leaving university and realising that once you're not physically close to and getting drunk with a huge group of people anymore...you just stop seeing them! As you get older it's so healthy to work out what's important to you in people and friendships and I don't think there's anything wrong with moving on and finding new groups. Regarding alcohol, I have been realising just how much I drink recently and how much it changes me. I feel so much more calmer and less self conscious when I'm NOT drinking that I'm starting to question why I've been drinking at all, or why I feel like I need it in order to be sociable and have a god time. Sometimes life-crises are good! Agree with you that changing and evolving and growing are all positive things so I hope you work out what you want to do/be etc. and that taking some time to reevaluate that has been a good thing! xx

[@tashakappler]

Entering my 20s has just been like one very long quarter-life crisis so far, I fully relate to your impatience problem. In your head you figure that once you no longer have the obligation to attend school or uni regularly, you'll finally be able to use your time for what you truly want to do and hopefully become a well-rounded adult. When you don't manage to accomplish the goals you had set out for yourself, it's so frustrating! It's like being stuck in limbo and you don't know how to get out of it fast enough. The idea of not advancing in your life on a personal and professional level is so daunting and I constantly worry about this all the time, even when I try to keep myself busy with tasks and self-education. Personally, I think the key to tackling this problem is moving out. I still live with my parents at the moment and I can whole-heartedly say that it's keeping me from being more independent and self-efficient with the goals I want to accomplish. It's really easy to become complaisant and comfortable when you're assured with the knowledge that you'll be looked after and there's always people there to fulfil your social needs. That's my take on it though! Anyone feel free to correct me.

[@lilah2917]

Lucy you're so clever, you should make podcasts or something I just love to hear what you have to say I could listen to you for hours

[@BernardoRosaRamirez]

Hi Lucy, from a 42 year old guy here is a small story: a Shaman was invited to go and do a speech in New York. He had never been away from his country side home. When he landed he asked the driver: can you take me to a park? I need to wait for my soul to arrive. Sometimes not all of you changes at the same time. Enjoy

[@lucymoon]

+Bernardo Rosa Ramirez this is a nice analogy 🙂

[@BernardoRosaRamirez]

Glad you liked it @Lucy Moon

[@daviedarling]

oh man my problem is that I change so quickly and I never feel like just one "kind" of person. There's a million different ways I want to be, to look, to dress, to act, and I can't figure out how to include them all in who I am. I don't necessarily feel like I've changed. I think I've always been this person but I feel like I have never shown anyone who my true self is. There are always parts of me that I am hiding around my friends. I can't think of one person who knows who I really am.

[@BellasLife97]

I just moved quite spontaneously to the other side of the world by myself on a one-way ticket, now that I'm here I finally feel a sort of freedom and relief but I also have this feeling like you said to make better choices when it comes to friends, love and also appearance. I don't feel like the way i dress represents me and even though I am "comfortable" its just because I'm use to it and it's not really what I want. I started buying more books, journaling, buying clothes that I like rather than what's "in".. listening to more music and reading more. Taking spontaneous trips and just having fun.. its so liberating.. its only been two weeks.

[@xahra23]

Lucy, I understand exactly what you're going through! I went through this existential crisis after I graduated uni, and it felt like I was scrambling to get my life together whilst understanding who I am, and just coming out as me, and not people's version of me. It was hard, there was a lot of anxiety and depression associated, as well as therapy. It was slow progress, but a year later, here I am. It was a beautiful self discovery journey, enjoy every second of it!

[@Micahlee_19]

I feel you on this! I'm a junior at University now and whenever we talk about high school I tell people they wouldn't recognize high school me. I had a major breakdown my junior year of high school. My grandmother had passed away. My friend group was splitting apart. My family was in a rough patch as we'd just started a business, I was trying to figure out what general direction I wanted to go in my life, etc. I worked through a lot of it that summer. And beginning my senior year, so many people told me every day that I'd completely changed as a person. And it was true. There was a major shift in how I thought of myself and other people. It wasn't a crisis I wouldn't say, but it was a shift. And it was part of growing up. Thankfully, my core group of 5 friends from high school shifted with me, and they're still my very best friends to this day. But everyone else either left of their own accord or we just mutually realized we didn't have anything in common anymore. I think it's so important to allow yourself the space to experience that shift. Honestly, I can't imagine doing it while maintaining an online presence. So, remember that we love you and we're here because you're our friend! And friends always encourage each other to grow and learn. You probably don't recall but we met at Vidcon. You are a lovely person, Lucy! Can't wait to see how you continue to grow and change and explore who you are!

[@HeyRowanEllis]

This is super interesting as someone who's teetotal... I've seen so many friends who drink go through this epiphany! Because all my friends are ones I've gotten to know while we're both sober, I find it kind of uncomfortable being around them when they're drunk, because they turn into essentially different people, if that makes sense? Now I'm coming up to mid twenties, those friends that drank lodes at uni are settling into drinking without getting drunk, so it's hitting them a bit I think that the people they go out with just to drink, aren't as fun to be around anymore.

[@lucymoon]

+Rowan Ellis that's really interesting! I have teetotal friends who don't mind hanging out with drunk friends and then ones who find it alienating. And then there's the mid twenties drinking epiphany... So much to think about!

[@IzzyInkpen]

apart from the alcohol specific bit, I really feel this. I feel like I haven't been myself for perhaps the last 2 years? I've got some new clothes that are unlike anything I've worn before, and that's weirdly helping, like what you were saying about hair etc, but at the same time whenever I wear them I feel kinda ugly because it's not the normal pretty flattering stuff. I don't know who the "real me" is if I'm being honest, but I don't feel this is it. I'm indulging in doing and having some things that are a bit new for me but it still feels like I'm scratching the surface. Having a youtube channel is both helping and not helping. on the one hand, I feel like I can be more myself online, but on the other I feel like there's a certain persona I have to stick to. idk, given idek who I feel I "truly am" perhaps it's just a youth thing lol

[@TeaBreakGames]

I admire people like you that can be so open about their own thoughts and feelings. It's such a great quality and not at all an easy thing to do but I got a lot out of this video as I'm also experiencing similar situations in life (that you described anyway) and it's comforting to know that other people can think those things as well. ANYWAY, thanks for making this one :)

[@meganbegg3123]

I love that you mentioned how much of an impact your physical appearance can impact how much of 'yourself' you feel. When I left highschool and started uni in 2014, I went from my natural blonde to being brunette and I went from wearing very light coloured girly and youthful clothes to very dark coloured and 'sophisticated' clothes. And I remember I felt more like myself than I had ever before. But being brunette after 2 years made me feel like I was wearing a mask, so much had changed since 2014 and I wanted to go back to blonde (also for convenience/financial reasons) but I was afraid all my friends and boyfriend would like me less if I looked that different. I went back to blonde and I still feel 'myself' but it's almost like my 'true' self because I'm not hiding something that salient about my physical appearance anymore. It did take a lot of adjusting especially with my wardrobe (like the money I saved from dying my hair every month went towards buying clothes that suited me again) and I often feel like I'm 18 again (I'm 21 now) and worry that not enough is changing for me (like you, I want to move out, I've been in the same job for 2.5 years but I can't find/don't have the motivation to find a new one, and I still have a few years left of my degree) but all my friends I had before are still here, people still see me as the same person (I think). But ultimately I've accepted sometimes things will change and sometimes I'll feel like I'm in a rut and no matter how many superficial changes I make that are within my control, its the 'bigger' changes (my job, home etc) that are the ones that will make me feel content, but are the ones that can't change. Anyway, sorry I didn't intend on replying with a such a long response! I just want to say thank you for sharing this and covering the importance of 'superficial' things like appearance on shaping how we feel about ourselves!

[@adrianaiello1608]

I've definitely been feeling this way. Over the summer I was around an incredibly toxic friend group while I was home from college and finally left the group chat and haven't spoken to any of them since. The negativity within that group was overwhelming and detrimental to my progress and ability to grow as a person. So I left that and came back to school where my sorority sisters are 100% supportive of me. I was previously double majoring in secondary education and studio art and dropped my education major after spending three weeks in a class that I dreaded, realizing that I had to make decisions to make me the happiest I can be now- stop stopping myself. anyway, I definitely get where you are and how you're feeling with this video. thank you, much love. x

[@rosiedercole2402]

I feel this sooo much ! I think everyone hits a stage when we realise that we're just going along with said friends and once you break away it's the most liberating thing in the world ....

[@charlottethatcher1063]

Oh my lord I can relate to literally all of this so much. I used to be what everyone classed as an "emo" but I pretty much grew out of this when I was around 16. I'm now nearly 20 and still most of my pictures are from when I was 15 because I just don't really know what I'm supposed to look like now. My mind and my values and my goals have all changed so drastically and I'm nothing like the person I used to be, but my body completely hasn't caught up, and no one ever really understands what I mean when I say "I feel weird" and "I feel like I don't look like me, but I think your video explained it so well. I've also lost friends from pretty much every stage of my life and I guess so far I've kind of learned that people kind of grow out of each other, just like they grow out of their clothes, and that's okay. Basically at every new stage in your life you've got to put the real, honest you out there and the people who like you are the ones you can build the strongest friendships with. I really liked this video.

[@mayzy123]

this is so interesting, especially since I'm heading to uni this weekend and one of my fears is that my friendships will be based on going out and all my socialising will be drinking. and it's combined with this need i have to use this as an opportunity to reinvent myself rather than stay with the image i've had within my friendship circle for a good 7 years. basically this has made me think a lot about friendships i make and the values i feel are vital and how they affect me as a person!! brilliant video x

[@itsnotkels]

The whole "having friendships where all you do is drink together" is why I want to change and only drink with close friends and go sober on nights out. My problem is that alcohol does give me a huge confidence boost and I'm worried I won't ever be able to have a fun sober night because I'll be too focused on other things. I want to make a lot of changes too and I'm glad you've talked about this as it'll motivate me to get things figured out (like the "my outside doesn't reflect how I feel on the inside" thing too - I feel you), hopefully by the end of my second uni year haha

[@emmasainsbury7404]

I have so many friends that I've started to drift away from over the last few months, but you saying this, I realise that that's how I feel with a few of them, we spent more time going to parties and drinking than actually knowing eachother

[@ameydunc]

You've made me come to the realisation that a lot of my relationships are built on alcohol also. It's the friends that are far away that were built differently which is probably why i've been feeling so lost lately. I hope things keep getting better for you! Just remember, all progression is still progress, no matter how slow the process :)

[@hcrowley]

this is TOTALLY me right now. in the past 6 or 7 months i've changed so much, and i've been reevaluating my values, especially in friendship. it made me realize that i have some ppl i consider really close friends who just aren't good to me, and don't value you what i do, like you said. i've really been trying to make good, new friends and disconnect from those who make me feel bad about myself.

[@crazycatgirl9539]

It's the early 20's realisation in life. I had the same thought process as you and the fact that you realise how you are with alcohol and with friends already shows who you are as a person. Over time it gets easier to stop talking to friends. Over time some might have a problem with it and some might come back onto your life again and might of needed that time to grow up.

[@co_co_chantal]

I think everyone has stages of this in their life 😊💕 I'm sort of in one right now! I've finally started to get control of my ocd and it's my last year of high school! I've really noticed a change in my personality in the sense that I can't STAND anybody who makes drama and constantly gossips anymore... luckily I have a friend group who I've started hanging out with more who is full of the love I need, and whenever I'm with them I always almost pee myself laughing 😂 I've also started to like super pastel girly fashion less. I've started switching to more bold colours and funky t-shirts+sweaters type of fashion👌so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sure your "quater-life crisis" will change you for the better 😊

[@shelbfromearth]

you've kinda hit the nail on the head. i'm about to graduate uni, and i'm in a totally different place mentally from some of the people i've been friends with in the past. one of the reasons, i think, is that i just have different focuses and goals. i'm looking forward to different things than they are, so it's hard to manage a conversation. and the drinking thing, too. i can't enjoy myself around people sober if my relationships have been based off drinking for so long. and i've noticed that i don't really enjoy myself drunk anymore either. i've just decided to distance myself. it's not that these people are bad people, but if you realise you don't really like them anymore, and as an adult distanced from high school and circumstantial friendships, what's the point? friendships take a lot of time to maintain, and if you don't feel like putting in the time with someone you don't particularly like, the distance is probably best for the both of you.

[@jadem5947]

I went through a similar thing at the start of the year and let me tell you: working on yourself, on your videos and content, and figuring out the kind of person you want to be is the best thing you can do for yourself! This type of thing happened to me at the start of 2016 and I've managed to find my own people who value me as a person than the people I used to hang with formerly did. But all it takes is just being at peace with yourself, discovering new things about you through the time you spend with yourself and with others, and you'll get there eventually. Be patient but also be open to change. Sending all my love xo

[@Saraisms]

LUCY I FEEL THE CRAP OUTTA THIS. I was in two bad close friendships within the past few years--when I left one friendship, I jumped into another, and we got incredibly close, incredibly fast. Despite my wishful thinking, it ended up being just as toxic as the first. I felt like I was desperate for close friendship, which is my fault, I totally understand that, but I knew I needed to get out of it and just be me for a while, and that was insanely hard to do. Now this is gonna sound super pretentious and lame but hear me out: when I got out of that friendship, a few months later, the type of people I actually wanted in my life began to show up. It was insane and completely unexpected, but I've never been happier than I am now. As for not matching the type of person you are inside with the one you portray outside, I get that too. I graduated college a few months ago and am not the same person as I was then and what I wear, how I do my hair, does not reflect that change at all. HOWEVER, I have found that experimenting with makeup has done wonders. I used to wear full-blown cat eye eyeliner, heavy foundation, the works, every day. Now a more natural look feels way more comfortable and even helps me feel more beautiful. I suggest experimenting with that as a small step in your transformation, so to speak. It really helped me!!! Good luck! :)

[@gretapalmazio6366]

It actually happened with my best friend, I was growing up and learning so many stuff, and I went through depression once, and she just stopped wanting to see me or hanging out because "I was changing and I changed too much". I felt so bad, then I thought (just as you) "if I don't change what kind of life would I have?". We stopped seeing each other and I'm now free and happy to say that I like the person I've become, even if I had to give up on our friendship. And I'm happy you explained anything I felt in that moment so well! Love you Lucy 💕

[@judeoverholtzer1807]

I've definitely been feeling this as well! I think that as I've changed the way I view the world around me, especially as I've tried to not be as negative/around negative people, my outward appearance doesn't really convey the way I've been feeling. I've been reevaluating some of my friendships as well, and noticing that a lot of them aren't really that connected. I've learned that I don't know as many of my friends on a personal level as I thought I had. This whole video is so relatable at the moment, thank you so much for expressing this, I needed it!

[@RukayaCesar]

Really enjoying this type of content from you where it's really open-ended to start a discussion of sorts. I met up with one of my best friends today for the first time in months, we're part of a group of 6 that rarely get a chance to be together now that we're all living away from each other but thanks to technology we still talk pretty much every day in a group chat and when we meet up it's like no time has passed. I consider this group to be my absolutely truest friends because we don't get angry that we haven't spoken/seen each other in ages - we've all matured at the same rate to understand we're adults that are busy and have individual lives, not the school kids on the same schedule that we first knew each other as, and I love that about us. I have friends that I've made as adults that can be really petty if it takes me a while to reply a message, or if we haven't met up, and it makes me appreciate the stronger friendships. That's my two cents :)

[@muirn3]

I really relate to the whole "body hasn't caught up with my mind" thing

[@annakaratsori2457]

You cannot believe how good it feels to hear someone talking about alcohol like that. I TOTALLY relate to what you are saying. The past year I have been feeling really confused with my self because every time I drink I become this person and I am always thinking about how others see me when I am drunk and when I am not. I started uni last fall and I realised I became a part of this whole alcohol based culture but I have ended up hating myself when I become really drunk. I feel like this is a problem that noone really understands or talks about..

[@Indietrix]

When I finished uni, I spent a lot of time worrying about why my life wasn't progressing how I wanted it to, and I leant on alcohol to an extent to ease my anxiety around that. Four years later, I still live at home, still spend lots of time commuting into central London, and I still worry about work a lot. But I came to find a new equilibrium where I felt happy with my progression, and can look at how I move forward more objectively. Really hope you have a similar journey, albeit quicker, and end up where you want to be!

[@xianyien7323]

Thank you for making this video.The points you raised are absolutely spot-on. I am currently into my second year of university and i must say that i am a different person as i am a year before. I took up drinking as a way to expand my social circle in uni and i begin to not enjoy being drunk all the time (occasional yes). As of now, i start to realize the person i want to become and the people i would like to surround myself with. In turn, i no longer feel excited and happy in the groups of cliques that i am in now, and even blocked some of my friends because they do not understand that we now share different values and pursue personal goals in life, but they don't seemed to get it. I am 21 this year and i think this is the stage that many of us have to find ways to deal with. What matters at the end of the day is you changed for the better and never stay stagnant. xx

[@standxabovexthexcrow]

I just went through a very similar personal transformation (falling out with friends, commuting/traveling a lot, becoming more in touch with myself, etc) and I'm still kind of going through it. Im the same age as you and I just graduated (although I am continuing to grad school) but its STILL a huge change. Post-undergraduate-college life is another time to reinvent yourself and figure out what you really care about and strive for. But my experience with it so far has only been positive, so hopefully more good things are to come! Becoming at peace with yourself is the first HUGE hurdle, its only going to get easier from here

[@amindofonesown]

I really love that you've put this into words because the feeling of your body or your outwardly expression (whatever it may be - behavior, speech, appearance) not catching up to everything you're improving or changing (consciously or otherwise) and it's frustrating when you think you've moved forward, but then you look at the hard facts and they haven't really progressed much. I think I get that a lot in terms of projects because once I start something, I'm already seeing it unfold in my head so it feels like it should be a lot more progressive the next time I reflect on it and when it isn't it's like...where did I go wrong? Or sometimes you just think this circle that I'm in, people-wise, is just not myself and consequently you're engaging in things you wouldn't otherwise engage with if you go by your "new" mindset. I don't know. I just really liked this video because it got me back into thinking about myself and change and you are very thoughtful and you present your thoughts, no matter how messy they may feel to y o u, so so clearly.

[@mishaalmalik3857]

Finding out friends that you trust and are loyal to aren't really your friends is the worst feeling in the world. I found out , the hard way, that my friends were actually my biggest haters. Jealousy is a very horrible thing, it changes people. Being an introvert who was just trying to be a bit "normal" in uni, really shook me up and i realized I am better of alone than be friends with toxic narcissists who don't deserve my loyalty.And in time I found friends who love me for who I am and reciprocate my loyalty. Meanwhile, those ex "friends" of mine still b*tch about me to everyone , even my new friends (we laugh about it over tea), and here I am not giving a sh*t. Its hard, but sometimes you gotta reduce the number of f**ks you give. (sorry about the cursing lol)

[@irrevocablydazzled2]

Went through this when I was your age (the friends, the forced self-development), going through it again 2 years later (the latter). Life will never go at the pace you want it, and there will be setbacks that frustrate the hell out you, but take comfort in knowing that all of this is a rite of passage in the journey of life.

[@bumbleebree4264]

I feel the exact same way lucy. Ive recently uprooted to the u.s for college, and my clique is back home. its a weird sensation, finding new people who are so different, and who you, not necessarily get along better with, but feel more comfortable around. almost like you've left pieces of yourself behind that you didn't like, and that allows you to feel more secure in yourself, and thus more secure around others. and also the thing with not feeling like yourself, you articulated that so well. I've recently been saying that i want to dye my hair pale pink, and everyone on the face of the goddamn planet has told me not to because my hair color is 'so rare' blahblhablah - but that just makes me want to dye it even more. its essentially my way of trying to not experiment with who i am, exactly, but how what is inside, can visibly be seen in my appearance. to feel more true to others, and to myself. anyway, great vid, and I'm sorry you had to re-film it xx

[@kachow4778]

My small group of friends always used complain about my best friend changing too much, but thankfully after they realized how much it was stressing her out when she tried to stop changing for them, they became a lot more accepting. It's nice because now we can actually encourage each other to do what we like and to be what we want.

[@Rebecca-td5pt]

Everything you just said, is a better way of explaining how I've been feeling recently(since a couple of months ago) and I didn't realise that it was a thing, exactly..... like I didn't fully acknowledge it. So, it was really nice to watch this...? if that makes any sense. Thank you

[@HazyBluex]

I ended up my 7 year-old toxic friendships two years ago and since then I met really nice people who are actually worth it. When it comes to alcohol, I think the points you make are really important, it's fine to get drunk with people you consider your friends but I think it's necessary to find the balance and spend more time sober. That's just to avoid exactly what you described in your video. But hey, if a friendship only works when going out for drinks... you can be just party buddies and that's okay! Btw, I love you new website, the layout and fonts are gorgeous!

[@Khiaaimer]

i can relate to the whole 'body/life not caught up with brain' thing sooo much, it's super refreshing to hear someone else feels the same way. I definitely think i have more of a barrier in terms of money and time, but also find that i'm struggling a lot to make the changes i want while i'm surrounded by the same people (e.g. my family and old friendship groups). I totally get you on the impatience though, i just keep telling myself it'll all work out at the end of this year ahhh good luck to us haha. keen for some change, i definitely don't feel like i'm living my life atm

[@Shizushin786]

I just started my second year of university and I feel so much more mentally and emotionally sound than when I started first year. My anxiety was basically haywire the whole time last year and I had to deal with supporting my mum through her second occurence of cancer so I basically spent the entire time on an awful autopilot mode where I just could not engage with anyone properly. I feel like such a different person now that it's weird to me that people are still treating me as distantly as they were last year even though it's my own fault from how I was presenting myself - so I can definitely relate to your disconnect there. Now I've basically got to start over again trying to rebuild relationships with people around me and while I know it's gonna be tough I'm so grateful for the fact that I actually feel like a human being again this time around.

[@emmafreeman4663]

"it's so important to change. if you're not progressing, than what's the point in life?" this quote is is important for all the people out there afraid of change

[@megancattel]

I went through this when I was 3/4 done with university. I realized that a good chunk of my friends did not have my best interest at heart and only contacted me when they wanted to get drunk. Another clique I was on friendly terms with often spread rumors, gossiped, and lied about me and their fellow "friends" (they also used racial slurs and were racially insensitive) I made the move to distance myself from all these people and solidified friendships with people I trusted and could have a heart to heart convo with. The process was painful (for example, the gossipy clique tried to make it seem like I was being mean and hurtful for "ignoring" them, which hurt my reputation at our small uni). And on graduation day, I only had three or four friends by my side. However I'm glad I did what I did. I was done with the constant hate and fakeness and wanted people who loved me for me. Some people want to paint me as a villain or a b-word, but Ineeded to create a happier, healthier life 4 myself

[@carissahope5804]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.... you just summarized exactly what I have been feeling since I started uni. My first year in uni changed me drastically because it was such a different environment from my high school days. I went through a really hard time of not knowing who I was and struggling to figure that out. When I finally felt better and more comfortable with who I was I had a really close friend if mine kind of chew me out telling me about how much I had changed into someone he did not want to be around. and I am in the process now of telling myself that I have the friends I have for a reason and that the ones that do not like me for who I have become need to be shown the door. Thank you for making me feel like someone understands.

[@melj4477]

I %100 get you about wanting to progress faster than your life is allowing. I feel like I suddenly woke up very ambitious one day, and have since been really frustrated by limitations like money, time, and my personal abilities and experiences, that I need to develop before I can have the life I want to be leading. But emotionally and mentally I feel so ready for it to all fit into place so I can have my amazing life. I swear I have never been ambitious until this year. It was like I suddenly found a neon sign flashing in front of my face saying "YOU CAN TOTALLY PROBABLY DO ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED OTHER PEOPLE FOR" and now I just want to create and create and create but first I have to be sensible and inspired and with a solid plan. Sorry rant over. I just hadn't really been able to put to words my restlessness until you talked about yours.

[@Sophie-uc5vh]

I recently have felt like my appearance has finally caught up with who I am which is great, though sometimes the way I act hasn't which kind of sucks. I've fallen out of friendships before, mostly just drifting apart though. I really feel like the most important thing is accepting people for where they are in their lives - none of my friends use racial slurs, but there are a lot of people I spend time with who would be quite unknowingly antifeminist, saying girls are just bitchy and stuff like that, and while I'm at a place in my life where I've realised that that is really unhelpful and unnecessary and just untrue, I can't expect them to have reached the same place in their lives as I have in mine - does that make sense? Anyway, my approach is to maintain my values etc and share them in as calm and helpful a way as possible rather than lecture or preach. I just suggest my own points of view as an alternative. I find that this really works, even if they don't always agree with me. I just think that by judging someone for judging someone else you sink to their level to a certain extent? idk I can't put what I mean into words and obviously I don't know what's best for you in your life, but maybe think about not being so quick to cut people off your list - I'm still working on trying to get friends back because I was too hasty in cutting them out. I truly believe that if you're preaching acceptance for all you have to extend that to the people who don't accept all as well. You don't have to agree with them, just accept them and don't judge them. Sorry if that made no sense, I just think it could be worth considering!

[@doleph1]

I wouldn't call this a crisis, but definitely a revelation. You're starting to not just see how your friends affect you in different social settings, but how you affect them. Your large circle of friends will dwindle because you're starting to place value on your friendships (hopefully they don't dwindle too drastically!). The result of which will be you forming tighter bonds with those friends who understand you and except you in any state you're in. That's not a bad thing! Personally, I've been fortunate to have the same five set of best friends for the last 18 years. Through college (uni) and through our 30s now, we're still tight. We do still get drunk and act like fools on occasion. We call each other out on our crap, but we're always supportive, even if we don't agree with each other's choices. We are safe and comfortable around each other to cut loose like that. We always reconnect when we don't see each other after a few weeks or months, and it's always like we've never missed as step. :) Lastly, friends can be harder to come by because you start weighing those relationships against the ones most important to you. Don't do that. Instead of weighing the history you don't have with someone, make history with that someone, or at least learn as much about them as possible! Honestly, this is advise I've been working on applying myself. I've come to realize that I'm a very picky person when accepting new people into my circle of friends, so I'm actively getting to know the "new" person/people before making a final judgement. It hasn't been easy... but I'm trying!

[@floatwiththesticks]

urgh love this. I'm 17 (almost 18) and yup, I've lost friends. I do drink alchohol but it scares how much people CHANGE when under the influence. I've lost a very close friend and it has only taken me now to realise that it was a toxic relationship and that I am so much happier now that it is over. There's no point trying to find happiness in the place that you lost it... I've definitely evolved, changed, adapted, whatever. I feel more free- more me. I say no to things and don't feel sad about missing out but empowered because I took control of my own happiness. LOVE your videos Lucy. Hugs xx

[@pebblesofwisdom]

You articulated exactly my feelings about friendships and alcohol. A few years ago, I had a really really close group of girl friends, but that started to break up and fall apart when we all started getting more involved with partying and alcohol. Three of the girls liked to drink more alcohol than the rest of us and made friends with other girls who would drink lots ENTIRELY based on alcohol, like when you would sit and listen to them talk, the only topic of conversation was how drunk they had been last time they hung out and what they were going to drink next weekend. It became so exhausting for the rest of us that we drifted apart and no longer even speak to each other, so I think this is a really common problem. I'm going to uni soon and one of my greatest fears is that I will only get to know the drunk version of people and therefore not make any actual friends!!

[@clarasophie298]

I totally get this feeling! Recently, I've decided to move things around and I painted my walls and I'm currently decorating my space how I like it, it feels SO good xx

[@amyamyamy17]

I'm a bit older than you so I went through this a few years ago: I realized that when my friends and I were together we spent our time judging other people and just being really mean about them and our hatred of other people was what we bonded over. One day I got sick of the negativity and sort of called my friend out on it. She called me a bitch and that was the last time we spoke- like 4/5 years ago. I'm definitely happier now and finally had the opportunity to get to know myself and have completely changed in so many ways. (I actually like people! And don't like drugs and alcohol! And am an introvert! Who knew?) Good luck with figuring you out :)

[@1DollHair]

I went through this in my early 20's (I'm 29 now). A lot of the friends I had through high school simply became unrelatable. We didn't have the same aspirations, and although I tried to force the friendships at times, in the end we all grew apart. I changed and for a while I was a little bitter that I no longer had those friends because I relied on them so heavily. In my mid-twenties I wondered if I would ever have a large group of friends again, it felt like something was missing. But as I grew older, I started realizing that real, true friendships are very few and hard to come by, which is why they are so special. I am now able to count myself as a friend, which I know sounds cheesy but coming from someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety and a general fear of being alone, this is a huge win for me.

[@palelegs]

you hit the nail on the head with how ive been feeling lucy in a similar way over the last 8 months, i wouldn't usually make a video response but think im going to.

[@enchantedhappy]

Totally totally totally yes! I've been trying not to think about this as much because the 'what now?' of it would make me panicky but I've just gone through this exact thing with my old school friends. I've stopped joining the 'dinner every couple of months' thing that friendships become as we get older, because it's always abut going places where there's not even an almost-vegan option for me to eat and they berate me for ordering non-alcoholic drinks. Conversation was just marriage and mortgages, which is fine but I couldn't wait to get back to my real life where I could talk sustainable fashion and feminist artists and be done with "but when will you find a husband? surely you're lonely, poor you." I was the only one who felt compromised and I was getting nothing out of it but a sense of loyalty and strange societal achievement for still being friends with girls from high school. And on looking like you feel: Yes! I've felt a strange rightness looking in the mirror these last few months, but because I look as much of a mess as I feel, and I need that. I haven't been in the mood to wear make up or smooth my face out because it would just make me feel out of sync with myself. I need to look how I feel. But here's hoping our lives' wake up and the outworking of us in the rest of the year catches up with our headspace!

[@xzonia1]

I'm glad to hear this! Alcohol does change how people act. Some people are silly, while others are "mean drunks." I've never drank because I come from a long line of the latter, and I applaud you for recognizing that in yourself and choosing to be a better version of yourself. Change can be empowering, so embrace it and see where it takes you! Listen to those who support and encourage your positive choice, not those who want to drag you back into the ways that didn't work for you.

[@iloivar]

That thing about knowing who you are with vs without alcohol is so important. I don't drink, so when I hang out with friends who do, I see so many little things change, usually for the worse, and wonder if they realize what they are doing to themselves.

[@blueharbell]

I feel like my mind is changing. I'm recognizing the effects of the anxiety I'd get from talking from elementary to high school. A couple of weeks ago, I'd have said my time in school before college was very agreeable. But ever since I've been opening up and talking more freely in university, I'm starting to recall the paralyzing rushes of adrenaline that would occur if someone spoke to me or if I had to talk to someone. I'm not sure if this will reflect in my appearance. Maybe it will in the future. (This was a well-timed vid !!)

[@heyitshannahtv]

This is the most relatable chat of all time. It's almost scary how similar I feel. At the moment I am becoming comfortable in who I want to be as my own person. On the inside I've got it sorted out, but I can't quite reflect that on the outside yet. I'm moving to London (from Sydney) but due to money have had to delay until early next year. But I feel once I'm there I'll be able to actually be myself. In terms of friends also so similar. I've had to cut so many people out due to them not being the right fit in my life. This was so hard because I always felt like I had a lot of great people in my life, but that was only due to living at college and constantly being drunk with them. Now I live with my brother and only have a select few friends that I put effort into seeing, and that is great, but when I first made that change I felt like such a loner. I am trying to work off the 'your vibe attracts your tribe' mentality. Sorry for the rambley comment! But it's all just so relatable!

[@xel-bot7124]

I feel this quite a lot, esp. the bit about alchohol but w/ weed instead. The friendships I value r the ones where i dont care how high we are. But as i get older and everyone has more money we can go for long periods without seeing eachother sober- esp. during summer and its scary. I've met a lot of people that i know i have not all that much in common with exept drugs and thats WERID MAN.

[@lucymoon]

+xel-bot that's super interesting! I definitely see similar dynamics in my home town

[@peggingmothman]

Totally feel this! I lost all my friends about 3 years ago. It was tough and I felt so low for a very long time and sometimes I do feel low still and I still miss the closeness I had with them because I haven't found that with anyone to that level since. On the other hand I'm so happy with the person who I've become since then with myself, my appearance, my morals and my personal growth!

[@rebekahmayxxx]

I can COMPLETELY relate to this. Just before I started university I fell out with a group of girls that I'd known since high school and and got a lot closer with the newer friends I had made at college. I thought I'd be sad at losing friends of 7 years but in actual fact I felt a lot more relaxed and able to be myself as bizarre as that sounds? like being friends with a group of girls we all sort of dressed the same and as one of the quieter ones I just did the stuff everyone else did, but then I began to feel much more myself, and now since starting university and having to spend a lot more time alone I feel like I've got to know myself and my head a lot better than before.

[@mariagraziavaleriani6679]

Hi Lucy. I really understand how you feel. It's so hard and frustating when u realize that you're the only one who's changing among your friends or when you feel the only one Who cares about real life and not just the "drunken life". Personally I decided that the only way to feel my self was pushing them out of my life and convincing me that I was right and they were just too young, too different. I isolated myself and also became very rude. I really started thinking that in all my life I had no idea of Who I was hahving by my side. But, when I was losing everything, when I understood that I wasn't happy in that way I felt so weird because i rejected people who really loves me (found out they were just a few) just because I was too concentrated on Who i wanted to be and became, that i started thinking that just because we have different ideas, they were the only wrong. Too hard to explain in a few lines, but I really feel you.

[@finnghoul]

1) so relatable 2) Lucy's hair in this is so pretty omll

[@thread_witch]

Someone has put it into words! I feel like I've changed so drastically over the past year or two and I'm not sure that my body/my current situation has caught up with my brain yet. I'm ready to move out on my own, start working towards all my dreams and goals, finally find a solid and healthy romantic relationship, have a close group of friends and a good social life. For some reason things just aren't really happening that way or I guess they're happening VERY slowly. I have to remind myself that everyone moves at their own pace and just because people I went to school with are now married or having babies or have these awesome careers, that doesn't mean that I have to be in the same place. Really, I'm just happy I have a better grip on who I am and what I want. I'll get where I'm going eventually!

[@redalert99]

I don't have a lot to add but I just wanted to say that I understand what you're saying and the fact you say you're working on it and handling everything so maturely means I've got a lot of respect for you and I hope everything all works out x

[@jazbeeson]

I've just moved to a new college and honestly this resonates with me so so much, Lucy. Thankyou for putting into words what is for me a really hectic and emotional time, and I hope we can both get through it in a positive mindset x

[@almariver3065]

Thank you for this video

[@biyuwiw]

The part about realizing a lot of good friends don't share the same good human qualities list as you is so accurate and I feel like it's kind of a dissappointing part of growing up.

[@ruthamadio4958]

I connected with this video so much! I have changed drastically over the last few months because I struggle with mental issues, and as I recover, I feel that I am becoming a better version of myself. Also, I am beginning to drift away from many of my friends as I prepare to graduate high school this spring. We're all changing and growing apart and I'm at that awkward stage where I don't fit with a lot of my old friends, but don't have the opportunity to make new ones yet.

[@acarreyette]

About a year ago I fell out with my group of friends and it was a catalyst for so much personal growth and change. By December I had decided i wasn't happy in my school and started looking into other options. Eventually I stumbled onto an online application for an arts course in England. (I'm from Ireland btw) My amazing parents were so supportive and a year later here I am. I'm living in a new city with new friends and a week into my art course! After a very up and down year of trying to find friends in a village school full of people who had known each other for years, realizing I was Bi and completely reinventing my self; I'm the happiest I've ever been

[@kikideee94]

I totally understand what you mean about losing friends. When i moved to London to study at uni (also from SOAS :) ) i left a lot of people behind who I realised just weren't good for me. But university gave me the opportunity to make new friends. The first few weeks (as I'm sure you noticed as well) were a bit weird where I would just talk to everyone and anyone. But eventually I found some really great people. I think graduating (I graduated last year) has a far bigger impact that people realise. I am also commuting to London (from Brighton) and it is a nightmare, so I also understand feeling like you don't have a enough time to work on the things that will help you get where you want to be. I'm having a good day today and feel like thigns are coming together. I hope that the same goes for you. We are all just muddling our way through without a clear path sometimes, so mistakes are allowed.

[@leannewoodbridge]

I had the exact same crisis when I left uni and London last year. Especially the bit about alcohol... My worst fear is being alone and not having any friends but since I got rid of those negative people I've never felt happier. I'm still living at home but planning to move out early next year but it's taken me this long to sort out who I am... Just keep working at it you'll get there eventually

[@Teresa-xg9xq]

I feel so much like you right now, I've had a few rough months but now I'm getting so much better, the thing is that I think there's a part of me who's not down for the change yet and I don't know how I feel about this changed version of me. I'm glad you talked about this, makes me feel so much better

[@xXOliviAxRoseXx]

I've cut a lot of people off and yes it can be lonely but I'd rather be lonely for a bit than waste time with people who have treated me like shit or just aren't the right people for me anymore. You've got this Lucy, you should be proud of yourself.

[@starry_eyed_girl]

thanks for your honesty Lucy ☺ I fell out with my friends 10 months ago, it's been hard but getting to be myself has been way better.

[@dealwithitsunshine]

I completely understand the thing about your outside not reflecting who you are inside. I felt that about six months ago? and have slowly been changing what I own and what I wear and I'm feeling steadily better... I went from owning very colourful and bright belongings and clothes to wanting something a bit more muted and I think I've started to achieve that :) I hope you manage to work out how it is you want to look and feel better soon x

[@catreadsabunch]

I lost all of my friends my senior year of high school because they couldn't handle things going on in my personal life and had no regard for my feelings. I also changes schools my sophomore year of college and lost all of my friends from freshman year so when I returned back to my original school they no longer spoke to me because I left them behind. I usually only have a few friends, it sometimes sucks but usually is more of a quality friendship. I am constantly battling with my appearance not fully expressing who I am in my mind I just don't know what outfits are more me or what hairstyles, but I am slowly figuring it out. Best of luck! I think you are headed in the right direction!