Luxander Now Using IT/ITS Pronouns (Explained) (Also I'm Agender Now)

[@comradeanthony4120]

I completely feel your experience of living in an abusive home and being "more mature" How many time were you told "You have an old soul"? Looking back on it, it's odd how many people praised me for that when in reality it was: "Thanks I witnessed horrific things happening in my family and now my brain is permanently fucked, glad that could be cool for you."

[@saggguy7]

thisss is so accurate. Looking back on all the times I was told I was “so grown-up for my age”…now I realize it was just because my childhood forced me to be very, very good at appeasing the adults around me.

[@jorgeenriquez1157]

100% how many times would a good thing happen and I would think 100 different ways it could go wrong so that when it did go wrong i would not be caught off guard and be able to shrug it off.

[@comradeanthony4120]

@@jorgeenriquez1157 I still do that. A nice thing happens to me and I instantly go to "How is the universe gonna make me pay for this?"

[@jorgeenriquez1157]

@@comradeanthony4120 ughhh I relate to much to that the positives to it I guess is that i plan for everything and it got me better positions at work because of it. but as I have been made aware of by a friend this impedes me from finding joy

[@razzyberrie533]

Omg, the way you described identifying with that otherness and the human suit is so spot on, I also go by It/Its pronouns and have always felt very alien to basically everyone!

[@sailorgirlll_34]

Why do u wanna be referred to as an inaminate object

[@DinosaurNick]

@@sailorgirlll_34 Why do you want to gender inanimate objects? A car or a boat is not a 'she'

[@kestaa]

Videos like this are exactly why I decided to become a patron. I started off going, "Hmm, I don't know how comfortable I am with a fellow human being referred to as an 'it,' even if that's a chosen pronoun." And then it took you less than twenty minutes to open my eyes to a perspective that I'd never even considered before. Education like that is worth at least a few bucks a month!

[@TakeWalker]

I wish I could have seen what you did. :/ I find it frankly disturbing that someone who describes what they went through as "trauma", having been treated as an other, lesser thing, would later go, "You know what? Those people were right." "it" is for things, not people. This wasn't the video I was hoping it would be. :( Points for using ey/em, though, even if it was just for a little while.

[@abbylafey]

​@@TakeWalkerIt is used for things not people unless a person uses the pronouns and then it is used for that person. Crazy how that works

[@jackcoleman1784]

Been digging the sudden influx of new Luxander content. Also was going to say that as a diagnosed high functioning autistic person the stuff you said about people seeing you as kind of a foreign or alien being really hit home but you said you're pretty sure you're on the spectrum so you're probably already privy to that perspective. I'm a cishet autistic dude with a trans sibling and your channel is/was a lot of where what understanding I have of what my sibling goes through has come from so thanks for that Luxander. I hope you find new freedom in your new pronouns. P.S. cishet guys that don't make jokes at the expense of trans people represent!

[@DiThi]

I feel like it's a rejection of being categorized: The same way I'm being forced to be in the binary, I think some people feel like they are being forced into a ternary: like being asked to be a "normal" nonbinary, which is absurd. Nonbinary encompasses everything that is not the binary, it's not an in between. At least that's how I see it from a perspective with a very gendered native language, where I would love to have the option of gender neutral pronouns and adjectives.

[@saggguy7]

Yes, the pressure to use only pronouns that have a history of common use is totally an assimilationist impulse. The number of my fellow theys I’ve heard saying stuff like “neopronouns make us look bad” “no one will take us seriously” etc. etc. is pretty alarming. Like, do y’all hear yourselves? Does this rhetoric not sound eerily familiar? It should ring bells for all non-binary people.

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

@@saggguy7 thissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

nonbinary DOESNT exist within the binary matrix...... but!!!!!!!!!!! it hinges upon it.

[@OlgasBritishFells]

It's scary that so much of our self identify depends on the environment and society expectations we grow up in. Imagine how cool and different it would be if the society didn't effect our self image and we could just choose to be who we feel we are without having to match any societal expectations. Thank you for sharing your experience. I find it very educational.

[@CCCeramics]

I am very happy you made this video, and I'm very happy for you that you've found some things that work better for you. This is the first time I have heard someone explain the use of it/its pronouns very well, and thank you for pointing out all the different reasons that come together for you. I think the part that was the most eye opening for me is when you mentioned they/them feeling like it's being used as a third gender when you do not have gender. I can totally see that. This is a great video for anyone who is hesitant about calling someone 'it' because they do not participate in the objectification or dehumanizing of another person. Hearing you talk about embracing that otherness and owning it and feeling validated by it (and essentially taking power away from those who have othered and traumatized you) has been really insightful. I get us cis people don't need to understand everything to do the right thing (use people's correct pronouns etc), but I still think it helps everyone the more deeply we can understand one another. Thank you for taking the time to explain and sharing some probably tricky to talk about stuff about your past!

[@mihailoaleksic3330]

"Us cis people don't need to understand everything to do the right thing" this should be said to everyone who throws a temper tantrum over misgendering, which is a vocal, but existing minority. Thank you.

[@WhichDoctor1]

I've always felt and identified as nonbinary, ever since I got a good enough idea of gender to really feel an affinity with anything. But for the last few years since going on HRT I've been presenting more and more high fem. And that's been really cool, I really love everything that goes along with it. But in the last few months, maybe because of the stage of my transition, maybe cause I finally started hanging out with other unconventionally queer people in real life, maybe because of some kick ass counselling I've been having, I have found myself feeling way freer to present more nonconforming. Starting to wear eye makeup even when I haven't shaved. Wearing high heels with otherwise androgynous outfits etc. I know its all pretty old-school enby stuff compared to the stuff your talking about but its still a big step for me. It's almost like I had to reach a point where I proved to myself that I could do the fem thing, and now I don't feel the pressure anymore. But at the same time I have also found a new determination to go all in on my hormonal transition. Even as I find increasing comfort in my nonbinary expression I am suddenly done with allowing testosterone to live rent free in my body, so setting out to finally get my hormone levels into the standard female range. I've even started seriously looking into facial feminisation. And I've finally started feeling comfortable with she/her pronouns as well as they/them. After being fairly stable in my gender for years things have just started turning again, and to outward appearance in opposite directions at once. But I feel soo much more comfortable in myself as a result of it. Gender is a weird ass thing, and working it out can be a very funny prosses

[@shelleyberry188]

Thank you for sharing! This has been our experience, without the "knowing" part most of our life. Now on HRT, we are def. more femme presenting. Best to you on your transformation! 🌈💜🏳️‍⚧️🙏🏽🥚

[@friendstastegood]

Resonnating so hard with the whole "traumatised child who read a lot of books and came across as alien to people". Yes. I've been that child. Also you explained it pronouns pretty much exactly how I've been explaining them to my husband (he asked after I used it to refer to you in conversation) so yay me!

[@mikk5540]

I feel this very much! I’m swedish and we have a non-gendered pronoun “hen” (he and she is “han” and “hon”) but I’ve never felt any connection to it. I much more prefer “den” which can be used for both humans, other animals and inanimate objects.

[@clivematthews95]

I’ve felt the same way as a kid growing up, I can totally relate. I love you for being different, for continuing to educate and open my mind, thank you 🙏🏾♥️

[@omnichrome9784]

I think it’s interesting what you said about “a they/them”…like identifying someone this way. When I realized I was non-binary, about 6 years ago, I unearthed some memories I had suppressed. One of them was a series of realizations I had between the ages of 8 and 10, where I first realized I didn’t identify as my birth assigned gender and then further realizing a didn’t identify with, what was at time, the only *other* choice. Anyway, my first go to at this age, (having no other language) was to refer to myself as “a neither”. After 11, puberty and social pressure caused my to bury all this and start “fronting” hard as my birth assigned gender. I would go on to have mini-gender crisis every decade or so, which would usually play out in a heavy gender non-conforming phase. Then work dress code , relationships and other pressures would make me feel like I had to box myself in again (I tend to be the “people pleaser” type, so I have a lot of anxiety surrounding just being myself; it’s gotten better, but this is still sometimes causes me issues).

[@PunskiChan]

This wayyyy resonated with me..... I’ve literally had my own friends ask «What are you?» or «Are you an alien or something??» And in some ways it hurt, but also I couldn’t help but laugh at how it seemed to make so much sense to come to that conclusion. A lot of what you said about seeming more grown up than what I ‘should’ be, and how nobody (including myself) could seem to comfortably categorize me, rung quite true to my own experience. Now I’ve gotten to a similar point, though I don’t really know what pronouns I want. They/them is ok, but still not quite feeling right either...

[@barbiegirl985]

fellow it/its user here!! i related a lot to what u said abt being treated as something foreign (for me the word has been freak) so long that you just start to accept it and that people see u that way. for me i see myself that way too, but more in a reclaimy way where i don't see my being a freak as bad anymore. most of this is due to finding out i'm autistic and realizing Why everyone clocked that i was weird no matter how hard i tried to be normal. anyway. so yeah, i feel u. also when you said how there are now "they/thems" and gender has kinda been made a gender trinary, just keep in mind that that may happen with it/its too. they are getting more popular, which i personally love to see. excited for "it/its" people stereotypes lmao

[@princeollie1022]

I really like to call myself a faeboy. It's just so appealing to me. I associate fairies with playfulness, free-spirited, maybe a bit of feminity?, maybe a bit of that otherness/etherealness you were talking about. While having the majority of my gender being masculine/man (although, I will say, the term boy feels more appropriate/affirming, but that seems to me that it's because I never got to experience boyhood, I came out as trans I was 24 yo). So yeah. I like faeboy a lot! Tho, I will introduce myself as a trans man, transmasc, or demiboy for simplicity. Depending on who I'm talking to. For people who gets it, I will gladly id as a faeboy. In dnd right now, I play a fae type of creature & it's the most gender affirming thing ever! Btw, he's my propic. Everyone say hi to Lavender! ;)

[@Shehzain]

Hi Lavender! 💜

[@princeollie1022]

@@Shehzain Hi fellow person! Nice to meet you! 😊

[@MikkiPike]

What a fascinating connection! I don't believe I've ever had that otherizing experience for myself, honestly. =o But I do understand better why some people may connect with it now. I was just so afraid of it dehumanizing NB people to an unreasonable degree, but where you explain it comes from feels a lot more strengthening and unifying for people in that way. ^-^ I may either mask too well or am just neurotypical (also really supportive family for the most part) because I personally identify more with just They/Them alone. Thank you for taking the time to dive into this!! 💖

[@pxlmoth]

💖

[@EnigmaFox-qr2fw]

Came from an orphanage, autistic, found out my Dysphoria was about utter absence of body feeling.. came into estrogen, found out im an it/its. As a child, I questioned whether i was a human.. I came to terms that I feel alienated by binary dyad trans folks , because they depend on concepts that suppress me.. So I am really glad to find out that I am an itling..

[@alexba1ley]

That makes sense. When Luxander was describing its experience being othered and feeling alien and that affecting its gender, it reminded me of how I've heard autiegender people describe their experience.

[@EnigmaFox-qr2fw]

@@alexba1ley well. You accidentally outed me.. 😂 I'm autistic.. so thank you.. it's a simple clarification of my own self.

[@Vantorea]

I completely identify with this feeling of otherness. Putting on a human suit every time I go out and hoping I'll pass as one. It was almost eery listening to that part of the video... I wonder how much of that is tied to my ADHD and my fuzzy gender experience...

[@RamonaRPM]

I've been thinking about the concept of it/its pronouns for the last few weeks and been trying to understand the rationale. As soon as you started explaining growing up and being so othered? I got it. Great video, Lux!💜

[@mylena3086]

Wow that's interesting I just had the epiphany the other day that maybe people don't treat me weirdly because they dislike me but because they get confused and maybe even scared trying to categorize me in that pattern recognition process Gotta reflect further on that I'm also a goth/emo kid (I'd use past tense but tbh I still am one) Guess it's the shapeshifter vibe that makes people feel and act that way

[@jrojo5877]

How you described gender as performance and play is exactly my feelings as well and why I actively say I'm a genderfuck (incidentally also they/it)!!

[@mothersducks5165]

7:06 “concepts” stay with this.Don’t move. Stay right there.

[@mxrichardsonsneighbourhood5402]

This very much alligns with my experience. I like to say Agender or Genderless. I also have thought for a while that, for me, gender is not only play but is reconnecting with my child self. Little me knew exactly who they were, they just didn't have the full vocabulary to express it all.

[@taemonge3835]

this was def real interesting :0) i had been casually baffled by it/its for a bit, but its rly cool to know it actually comes from a place i rly vibe with. not personally into it/its, but reclaiming that internalized otherness that ive **always** felt def plays a role in me being enby, now that i think about it. ty for the great content!!

[@Pfoffie]

It‘s so interesting. I so understand what you mean. Some of my friends suggested I should prefer it/its (in german for we can’t really use «they»). At the moment, I personally don’t feel like it/its. These sound to me either like objects or something cute/childlike. And while I definitely have no gender, I definitely feel adult, not cute and very not childish :)

[@dlg78]

You don't 'use' third party pronouns, other people do. How can you 'use' words you never refer to yourself as? They are not 'your' words..

[@Pfoffie]

@@dlg78 that is grammatical shenanigans. You know what everybody means when they say «I use x/y pronouns». However, I will correct my comment just for you.

[@Pfoffie]

@@dlg78 oh hey there again. I just educated myself and realized it even is grammatically correct. It is implied to mean «I use x/y pronouns to describe/label myself». Society tends cut things that are clear and/or redundant. It’s like «I wish you a good morning» cutting the wishing part.

[@dlg78]

@@Pfoffie no, you missed the point entirely. He and she are third party pronouns. They are other people's labels of identifying others, not your labels for you. Hence why you DON'T ever refer to yourself as he or she in conversation with anyone.. Not only that, if you're talking with someone, you don't even say these words to each other anyway in conversation. You'd refer to each other as 'you' or by name. So in summary. 1. Not your words to select. 2. Not used by you for you. 3. Not used in one to one conversation.

[@Pfoffie]

@@dlg78 ah well I disagree but accept your opinion and I am also glad that my complete peer group uses the the pronouns I told them describe me.

[@diddyissues]

Hii!! Thank you so much for this informative video. I really had a hard time understanding the reason why people use It/It's pronounces, since it's (for me) quite uncommon to call someone by that. I'm glad that a friend of mine recommended your explanation, because it made alot of things clear now. Thank you again

[@tiamat9360]

9:00 - 1045 ish you know, hearing that described as you have it (an idea that is new to me) is empowering in an interesting way, its a great video so far, thank you

[@changeling-child]

As an autistic person who really relates to the concept of the changeling child and has been questioning my gender identity lately I vibe with this video very much.

[@gena1384]

I don't use it/its pronouns, but have been considering some forms of neopronouns. Regardless, it's really nice to hear someone else vocally say they also low-key feel like a dragon and want to incorporate that into their aesthetic. I've said in the past my ideal fashion aesthetic/style would be "dragon who got forced into a human body."

[@gena1384]

Also btw I'd totally buy the dragon puzzles on your wishlist if I could afford to spend on stuff like that

[@mihailoaleksic3330]

That fashion aesthetic sounds so cool but, especially the dragon part, but yeah it'd probably be hard for a cis guy like me lol

[@halley_in_stars]

I've been watching your videos for a few months now since I'd wanted to try and better understand non-binary identities, and your stuff is always so well articulated. I'd had a conversation a few nights ago trying to explain agender and it/it's pronouns, but sort of failed since it's not something I fully identify with, so this is super helpful. Also I'm floored you have a fursona. how did I not know that! you gotta post links so folks can draw you fanart!

[@MusingMoss]

Hah I think I'm going to go with a different approach next time. So far I've only had it commissioned once, though I ended up with two colorations of the same image. The basic thought right now is a black dragon, with some kind of impressive horns, and either green or yellow eyes

[@TheDopekitty]

Thank you for explaining this so well. I didn't get it because I'm new to the channel relatively and wondered why one would choose to "reject humanity " altogether. I'm trans masculine as well but a lot older and just came out and started transitioning within the past couple of years.

[@siege2149]

goddamn. i've never heard a person expound upon using it/its pronouns in a way that makes me feel a version of odd that is not so odd.. for feeling the same way. Never. I thought i was alone or at least one of few who felt this way. I commented on another video of yours just saying thank you. But i have to say this shit again, thank you. thank you. thank you. how you speak and how you feel from the screen touches me in a way that i havent been before. And reading some of these comments is yes. KZbin is great. Glad to find you. Found you at a perfect time. Thanks Luxander. fuckfuckfuckyes.

[@mylena3086]

I feel this on such a deep level it's almost ridiculous And the wings and horns thing sounds amazint I mean I do oftentimes tell people that they can't see my horns but I kinda feel them or see them from my 3rd Person imagined view? Also feel like a panther too Or sometimes like that abstract space cloud from Star Trek Resonating with it/its pronouns is very relatable to me and I'm glad you talk about it I hope you'll get all the physical manifested horns and wings you like 🤞✨

[@aspenitself]

I get what you mean with the kind of discomfort or fear that a failed 'identity handshake' can arise in other people who aren't familiar with the alienated. it's written about in the divided self by Lange, worth a read if you haven't. a lot of absurdist/existential literature touches on this too

[@Johnny_T779]

Well, I too have always been treated like an alien 😝. For a long time I took one picture a year in the same booth anxiously waiting for some sign of ageing. Like both my parents I don't seem to age normally, and it used to cause me great distress. Now at 53, I finally have dark circles under my eyes, but still no wrinkles, and am still mistaken for a teenage boy (now with severe insomnia 😂). I have a very static "doll face", people always struggle to define my age, gender or racial makeup, and yes, it shows in how they interact with me. I'm definitely male though, but I understand the appeal of it/its gender in such circumstances.

[@sticbirds]

All of what you said is so spot on feeling. With the entity thing and being attracted to wanting to appear as demonic presenting/ alien. Ive always wanted to just have antlers on myself and be void of gender I just got to the point of seeing myself as it/its Ive been transmale afab for years and years I still see myself as transmasc but now this other thing Your video seriously hit so home with me

[@123critch]

Hey!!! Was hoping you would make a video about this! Thank you for the sit down explanation ♡

[@Hellcopter_Hell]

I’m so glad you made this video. I mainly use it/its pronouns strictly, and people still tend to invalidate me using these pronouns! I’m going to use some of your points you used in this video when explaining because I feel the same in many ways!

[@jackandcokeallmorning]

your content always resonates with me so much in a way that's hard for me to find. thank you for this video

[@ItsAllNunya]

It/its pride yo. Shed human-normativity, become the other we all are. Multiple of our system members use it/its as one set, and they're our system pronouns. They denote our nonhumanity within this body. Therians, Otherkin, fictionkin, nonhumans, and the othering of systems as a whole. Many reasons. Pronouns good. (Gendershed would be a cool xenogender label.....like you've shed it)

[@raynscloud8072]

I entertain nothing but good thoughts for you in your journey, however I find the idea of someone actively dehumanizing themselves, in response to feeling that others have dehumanized them, deeply disturbing. You come across as a lovely, warm, caring person. In your streams you are actively nice to everyone, and I've even watched you politely apologize to the occasional troll as you boot them. In your interactions with other people you are absolutely a role model. I'm not sure what words I am searching for here. I can see from the comments that others feel the same "otherness" regarding it/its as the best fit for them. I was more comfortable with it/its before I heard your explanation. Now, all I can say is I find myself distressed and mortified that you have been made to feel so held at arms length by other's reactions to you.

[@leviangel97]

Hmmm I felt like a robot relative to other people as a kid. I think my practice at faking normal has worked well enough that my remaining oddities aren't a big deal. I don't strongly identify with my assigned gender, but it doesn't bother me either? So it works well enough

[@solorscribe]

Your videos have helped me affirm/contextualize a lot about myself since coming out a few years ago, and this resonates in a lot of ways. Skål from the Twin Cities.

[@kwalsh6291]

I really relate to what you've said about feeling a dissonance as soon as any normative gender connotations are added to the idea of being nonbinary. I'm not a third gender, I'm outside the system of gender, and I stopped liking they/them for myself as soon as the whole thing of being a they/them or a she/they as a noun/type of person started

[@ryn2844]

To me, my own feeling of alien-ness, otherness, or 'entity piloting a human suit-ness', is very much linked to my autism, and yes, also to my nonbinariness. I'm hesitant to ascribe causality, but it is true that autistic people are more likely to be nonbinary than neurotypical people. I really wish we had research into that link. It's super interesting to me.

[@iamqtpie2825]

I'm autistic and nonbinary, and I definitely related to what Luxander said too. It was a little weird how much I related, lol. I've also been thinking about the correlation between being autistic and nonbinary. I have seen research discussing the higher proportion of transgender individuals in the autistic population, and I think this sense of otherness around people is probably part of it. I always select my friends (or you know, just my group members in class) based on whoever fits in the least and/or is most conventionally unattractive because I've found they treat me much better than anyone else and give me the benefit of the doubt when I'm "being weird".

[@КинТацу]

People not being able to figure you out and treating you almost like you're dangerous, like you're some kind of monster... Yeah. Out of all the media i felt represented by, nothing compates to Nimona. Everyone screaming and being scared, when the dragon is just a shadow of mishapen feelings of pain and rejection, willed to life by the people themselves only to seek it's own destruction... Yeah. I probably wouldnt be a demon or a dragon if those wouldn't be the things i identified with the most as magnificent, yet persived as scary and generally bad, creatures. Ppl created a dragon, so that's what they're gonna get. And yes, I've wanted a forked tongue since I was like 19.

[@n0etic_f0x]

I am agender and just go any all. I am AMAB but I hate being told to be more masculine, fine with people thinking I am too feminine though. I had and even still have the odd comments of being well-spoken. People wonder why a fourteen-year-old child sounds better than their twenty-seven-year-old children. and they will even just say "that is not how people talk" meaning you do not talk like a human, I was fine with that though. In fact, my childhood horror is an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark where a kid is found out to be an extraterrestrial and my fear was always that, I thought I would be found that I was not human. I can explain it with my fursona is a demonic fox but they are only that because they want to be, they are actually formless, they exist as a mind that uses magic like clay to give rise to form. A form they do not have nor even want but they do find practical so they use it.

[@DinosaurNick]

I'm agender as well! I went in the opposite direction of you! I used to use it/its but now I don't My pronouns are: They/them/their/themself Per/Per/Per/Pers/perself E/Em/Eir/emself I also identify with the term "Voidpunk" which isn't a gender but a term that is a subculture amongst dehumanized groups (including queer individuals, notably aspec and non-binary) where one rejects their humanity and embraces a non-human identity. This is often done to cope with or combat the dehumanization one is subjected to from society, however the reasons can vary from member to member. Many people who identify with voidpunk are neurodivergent, however not all are.Per/Per/Per/Pers/perself

[@terriem3922]

I had radiation on my tongue. Couldn't taste for over a year. Now that I don't have teeth, tongue would help with deflecting saliva, but mine is slightly uncoordinated. I didn't have saliva for 18 years after treatment, until my teeth were removed. I had been depressing my salivary function because my low key constant tooth infections were making antibodies to salivary glands. Something to consider, thinking down the road a bit. I read a lot of sci fi starting in 4th grade. I admire the creativity involved in exploring self.

[@thebreeoche]

it/its bpd gang make some noise!!

[@tilesfloor6217]

what's up

[@phyphor]

I hope you have an easier time using them than I've found over the past decade or so. Hopefully we'll get better recognition as it becomes more frequently used. Here's to the future!

[@Lemon-tc3pr]

I very much identify with this I showed it to a friend as I've said something along the lines of this very closely. They were very accepting of the idea of these being my new pronouns but that's not what I was trying to say to them. I have non binary friends if someone went by this I'd absolutely respect it's choice. But why can't I accept that of myself that this feels right and those who ask and are willing that I don't feel comfortable asking this of them. I'm an ace 20+ >30 male who's masculine but identify as male as it is factually true but to be honest I don't feel different from it I just don't care and it's not wrong for me.

[@saggguy7]

totally relate to the idea of leaning in to people’s bizarre reactions to your gender. As of right now I feel comfortable categorizing myself as something in between masculine and feminine, but even within that space I feel like people find me so confusing that I just roll with it. I’ve had people pull up next to me at stop lights and pull down their sunglasses to stare at me with that “what are you” face. i Since I’ve been on T and doing voice training I can really shape shift with my voice, so my favorite way to fuck with people lately is to put on the opposite voice of whichever way they gender me and watch them deflate lol. As in “Ma’am, this is the men’s restroom” *deep bass voice* “are you talking to me?” and then stare at them like they’re the crazy one for even possibly suggesting I might not be a man

[@winternightmarecrochet]

So, I don't know if things have changed since you made this video, but a lot of what you said resonates with me. I identify as agender and a lot of it comes from the fact that I can't seem to pin point exactly what I am. Even the label agender itself doesn't seem to describe me. And if I'm honest, I use they/them pronouns mostly to accomodate people who would be confused by my wanting not to use pronouns at all, and use phrases instead such as "this person/human/entity". I often tell people I like to be refered to in that way

[@sensithe6498]

As Living Dragon and Fayerie, I used to use fae/fem & identify as genderfae until I found out that was pretty offensive from telling someone I was genderfae in my dreams (use genderdoe or genderthil if you identify with non masc fluidity). I identify as genderdrac, gender within the unique framework of living & dead dragon, but it/its pronouns really resonated with me!!! I'm really happy with the sensation and I wouldn't have thought to use them before watching, I always associated it/its with the pain of others using those pronouns to negate the personhood of others (other animals, stones, trees, or nonbinary/xeno genders) but I hadn't thought to align my pronouns in solidarity!!!

[@kerycktotebag8164]

what are alternatives for the word "faun" in "genderfaun"

[@sensithe6498]

@@kerycktotebag8164 A good starting point is Gendersatyr which encompasses the same non-femme fluidity while skewing more towards xenogender, kind of like Genderselkie. Just remember even those labels exist in the living/dead context of actual satyr/selkie conceptions of gender, so there's lots there to explore!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Relate to so much of this as an autistic agender person. Thanks for always sharing your journey

[@starfallstreams]

Gender: [REDACTED]

[@fictionalreality3238]

Okay okay now you’ve made me question my gender again 😂 I thought I had it figured out 😭 I totally get what you’re feeling. Now I’m just like 👀 👀 what if I’m NOT human? 😂

[@metallicbanana5305]

i feel the same about my gender! a little different sometimes but how you described yourself fits me very well. i wasn't diagnosed until just recently but i am autistic. i am perceived as other all the time, so i've have been thinking about it/it's pronouns. right now i use xe/he/they pronouns. i have followed you for a good chunk of time now and it's really comforting to see someone older than me who's gone through what i'm going through now and having the same feelings.

[@attentivechair3248]

I relate to your experience a lot as enby and autistic and having history of childhood trauma. The operator of the "human suit" metaphor is very close to me. And I agree that gender is play and exploring is the point. Whatever validates you, validates you. Now, I don't have a friend irl who wants to be called it/its, but the exercise in imagination leaves me with a lot of conflict still for a number of reasons: 1) In my past abuse I was sometimes called it/its and dehumanised; 2) I don't see animals as it/its, I always humanise them because they're not really all that different, and humans are animals too. Historically and almost ubiquitously, "it" is meant to put a safe barrier between you and the other soul as if the other does not have a soul and therefore violence is okay. So, for some people, it might be that the duty of care of validating it/its pronouns for someone would cause them a lot of mental distress themselves, and feel like they're back in the abuse, or that now they are the abuser. I know it's not the same as kink, but I wanted to use it as a parallel, where even if someone feels very euphoric about being called a slave or "it" or dehumanised in other ways, precisely because these meanings carry such incredibly negative weight, they can't get what they want without the consent of the other participant(s). Now, this is not a kink, its gender validation, so this is where I'm feeling muddy. But it is still requires a social contract, and for the first time, I might not be able to fulfil that contract, and I might be causing hurt to protect my hurt. I'm not sure what's to be done in this situation! If other people with trauma have ideas on this, I'd like to hear them. (Obviously you have they/them pronouns too so it wouldn't be a total issue, but I was thinking if a friend only wanted it/its pronouns).

[@dianaeakin5460]

It/its pronouns are sublime, and I also use it/its. I also use she/her because I like to be feminine (also a trans girl but also enby) and that's what people would use for me anyway, though I have been emphasizing it/its more. If asked for pronouns I will put it/its first rather than second. It pronouns definitely affirm a sense of nonhuman animal mindset in me, being therian and otherkin, and I do think my gender is something like a mare rather than a woman. I've always felt alien especially since I had an early autism diagnosis and even from childhood I was never seen as normal anyway. I've just embraced it more and more as I got older.

[@emerafey]

I relate to this so much and I appreciate you!

[@Zaaalbar]

I think I get where you're coming from. My looks used to give me an extra ~15 years until a little while ago, and that can be a very othering experience, combined with the fact that your own age group also feels mostly alien to you due to the (almost extreme) accelerated emotional aging

[@chaotic_enby2625]

Damn, this video has been a ride… I think it actually helped me understand myself better. I too relate to the idea of feeling like “a changeling”, as an ADHD, probably autistic, nonbinary person. I’ve always felt like an imposter. I have felt drawn to identifying as an elfkin before, but felt too much imposter syndrome (ironic, this is like a thing that appears in many areas of my life) to embrace it. I think I am now ready to embrace my elfkin side. I feel like I relate a lot to that idea of being humanoid, but not (entirely) human (but pretending to be human). I feel like this idea of an elf boy, this masculine (but not in the way that human men are) but androgynous, (usually long-haired and beardless, which is how I want to present without it being red as feminine, I don’t want to be read as a woman at all, I want to be read as some masc-androgynous being) tall and slender being (I happen to be tall and slender irl). I feel like it relates a lot to my sense of gender, since I’m partially proxvir, and partially a bunch of aporagenders as well as some agender I think, and all of that fluctuates a lot. I have some connection to masculinity, but not to binary men. I also feel like me using thon/thons pronouns relates to that, they feel to me like a very powerful kind of otherworldly androgyny with just a pinch of also otherworldly masculinity thrown in. They fit me more closely than they/them or he/him (or any other pronoun) do. I feel like embracing my non- or semi-humanity, this side of me that is just a humanoid being, not necessarily human, this unapologetically weird side, might help me feel more confident and might help me let go of my habit of people-pleasing to the point where I feel like a vastly different person than my public persona. It might help me fight these internalized things that make me feel guilty for being too many “things”, standing out too much, being too complicated. But most of all it might help me just feel like me. EDIT: now that I’ve thought and read up about it a bit I feel like it’s elfgender rather than elfkin

[@thisurldoesnotexist]

I loved hearing you explain this! I know that everyone's experience is different but it really makes being agender make a more sense. I'm nonbinary, not agender, but I would also call myself, sort of like you said, genderfucked

[@psychicplebalien]

I definitely relate to the feeling alien thing. I knew it was more of an autistic thing for me, but I didn't realize at the time that I was nonbinary. I still somewhat identify with that, but my body does not care. LOL I've been feeling tired for the past three days.

[@zakbrand7354]

I love your videos. You have such a lovely personality. Can't wait for more banger content. You make my day

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

Don't relate to gender feels but oh god do I relate to the otherness coming from trauma and being the "grown up" kid.

[@bretmatheson7]

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to better understand. Will keep at it.

[@RoNPlayer]

As an agender Person, who isn't all that androgynous (because of complex reasons) i sometimes too feel very mixed about the new position of a 'third' gender in society. On the one hand it's great that there is now a greater visibility of this concept, and that more people have at least heard of it. It's also great that this also manifests in societal and legal debates, which tend to move in a progressive direction (at least in my country/even with the obvious right-wing reactionaries). Lastly it also helped me find my own identity easier. But on the other hand there are of course new social expectations now. Suddenly even Cishets know what a nonbinary person is. Especially folks who aren't very informed on the topic come with all kinds of expectations on how people need to behave, look or be called, and that's just exhausting again.

[@MewWolf5]

This is really interesting! Thank you for sharing your journey. I feel like unaccepting people will use "it" for trans people when they don't understand them, sometimes in a demeaning way and sometimes in a jokey way. I think it's cool that you are embracing being strange to some people.

[@YinAndYang_ii]

I will make sure to respect these! It/its is completely valid and always will be

[@laurenhartley5083]

I love hearing about other people's experience with gender and their gender journey. I think it/it's pronouns are really cool. I can relate to what you said about they/them being it's kind of own gendered thing. I used to use they/them pronouns and it just kinda got weird after awhile. I'm a demiboy (m+agender) and use he/xe pronouns. I'm also damiogender and get euphoria from looking dead and demonic. Recently realizing that I am also agender it has been refreshing to hear someone else's perspective.

[@beckheorshepls5397]

I use he/him and she/her pronouns and I think in my case it does connect to my gender as a xenogender demigirl. My gender feels like different shades of gender and non conforming gender that's mixed into xenogender. I'm not fluid but all these gendered parts of me feel do blurred together into demigirl. I've never really felt any pull to pronouns outside of these because they would either make me personally feel degendered if used on me or just don't feel necessary. I've always liked how contradictory or non-conforming he/she pronouns can feel. Like: He went to the store and bought herself new sketchbook. It's just so perfect and comfy and happy you get that from it/its pronouns.

[@blairfujin]

If it/it's fits better how you feel why this order on the intro card? Current order kinda suggests otherwise (sorry, it may be just messing around with ui stuff messing me up a bit 'xD)

[@MusingMoss]

I changed it while I was still more "trying it out" and haven't gone back into aftereffects to update

[@kailawkamo1568]

I feel really thankful that my native language is genderless. We don't need much hoops to jump. But then I remember that I'm bilingual and I still have to deal with English lol.

[@Zaaalbar]

AGENDER FOLK RISE UP EEEEEYYYY

[@mylena3086]

I love the way you view the world Makes me feel oddly and satisfyingly normal Whatever normal may be 😸

[@coollittlegremlin7243]

EEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY THE IT GANG GROWS!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!!! kinda if you wanna (everything you said is so true. i am also russian so its like. the only neutral pronoun for me that like. actually makes sense for my own personal comfort but still! WELCOME!!)

[@bleddynwolf8463]

fair 'nugh, i'd've described what you described as genderfluid myself, but you go with what ever label you need

[@imjacklea]

Yes there’s a huge overlap between the autistic community and the trans community! if you’re trans you’re 3-6x more likely to be autistic! 😁 i am autistic and trans myself 😊

[@baybee_]

i recently started using it/its pronouns too so this makes me so happy

[@Shehzain]

I'd love to know more about your otherkin feelings (if I heard that right). I have strongly identified with wyverns for well over a decade now.

[@EnigmaFox-qr2fw]

I came into the E world and found out I had no gender Identities... But im coming to terms with my hyper femme self.

[@22nanasi55]

my experience is way too similar, i was nodding along the whole time😅. thx for posting about it

[@WindowsXPFrog]

Thanks for explaining this well. I find it difficult to understand xenogenders and using neopronouns but you've helped me understand it a bit more.

[@esthermaarsman]

I kind of want to use it/its, though i do not have the history of Being Treated Different. Is that okay?

[@MusingMoss]

Yep, go for it

[@locutusofquail8426]

[@Lee-yay-yippe]

Oooh it’s gonna look so awesome with its horns ect! I hope we get to see a video of it with its full style, if it’s comfortable and wants to of course. I just LOVE the concept of having horns lol! (And Luxander will be happy with itself so it’s gonna be amazing, if I get to see its outfit or not, no pressure)

[@transformations4684]

Yes. I can relate to this. I am usually described as "off". Women usually assume that I should know how to play the neurotypical social-emotional game and when I am unable, they assume it is intentional and therefore suspicious.

[@transformations4684]

When I was younger, I wasn't diagnosed and I didn't have words for my gender or sexuality and so it was easier to think I was an alien or a changeling. This identity became less important (though still present) when I found labels that others related to and began feeling more human.

[@alredacted1734]

I've used ey/em for a while and actually never looked up where they came from tbh. Didn't know about the mathematician thing

[@viktoriavadon2222]

As a cis person, all I understand is, gender is a whole mess, and my English teachers were quite wrong telling us to never ever use "it" pronouns for a person. (But they were quite effective drilling that into my head, so this will take quite some getting used to.)

[@genericname8727]

I think they were right in that as a social norm “it” used for a person will be seen as dehumanising and, as a result, extremely disrespectful. However, some people do find it more respectful, even if precisely because it’s a bit literally “dehumanising”, so for those individuals that social norm doesn’t apply. Basically, we don’t use it/its out of respect for people so, if a person feels more respected going by it/its, we should respect that for the same reasons we’re taught not to use it/its for people. Idk if I’m making sense anymore tbh lol

[@mathildavere8966]

Well grammar is arbitrary, it's not so much that it was 'wrong' for someone to teach that but well ... it's arbitrary.

[@laurachow8150]

Kick ass video. I hope I make friends like Luxander irl, it is so cool!

[@sashaboydcom]

Here is one (1) analytic for thee.

[@Departure-yz7ok]

9:38 That is so interesting, I wonder if this has an impact on trans people?? I remember not feeling like I had a strong sense of gender as a child, but then I started to realize I enjoyed hearing people call me Mr and I hated people calling me Ms. I remember the first few times somebody called me by this adult title, they said Mr so I got more used to Mr than Ms. I wonder if that made an impact, if it could be related to the man I am now. I mean, this alone would never have been enough but maybe it did make some sort of impact?

[@binra777]

certainly have had that experience

[@countrymusicwarriorcats761]

I identify as agender ( genderless ) and choose to use it / its pronouns. A video I recently saw mentioned people who refuse to use these pronouns due to it objectifying people, however, if we give permission to be addressed this way, then it should be out of respect that we are addressed in this manner and don't respond to anything else. If people have a problem with it, they don't have to talk to me, but if they try to address me as something else, they're not getting a response. These are my pronouns, so why do they matter to other people? I don't have the time nor the energy to entertain those who want to cause a problem with my personal identity. It's none of their business and it won't stop the way I feel about myself.

[@madelineamanda9272]

obviously you can do whatever you want, but i do think if you prefer it/its to they/them it might be beneficial to list that first! i also go by multiple pronouns (they/she) but prefer they/them to she/her, so i always list that first in order to help indicate that and if i see another person using multiple pronouns i typically try to use the ones they have listed first

[@chloekravatz84]

Oh neat, I didn't know those were options, right on 👍

[@tessajadeprice]

Hell yeah Luxander you do you