I Hate Being A Man

A special video for pride month, in which I explain my journey to realising my gender identity, what exactly said identity means to me, as well as my wider thoughts on the concept of gender itself.
Chapters:
00:00 - Cracking
02:23 - Non-binary
05:54 - Postgender?
Music used (in order):
Kai After Kai - lethargy
Kai After Kai - vocal
Kai After Kai - depersonalization
Kai After Kai - posT⚥
Presave The Universe Is a God-Shaped Hole here: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kai...
Stream/Download Mr. Mx here: song.link/MrMx
Link to Logan Paul's podcast clip: • Logan Paul CONFRONTS H...
Music Channel: / @kaiafterkaimusic
Second Channel: / @kaiafterkaiafterkai
Support me on:
Patreon: / kaiafterkai
Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/kaiafterkai
Buy my music at:
Bandcamp: kaiafterkai.bandcamp.com
Stream my music at:
Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/3ry6o...
Apple Music: / kai-after-kai
SoundCloud: / kai-after-kai
Other Links:
Twitter: / kaiafterkai_
Twitch: / kaiafterkai
Edited with Filmora.

[@KaiAfterKai]

Presave "The Universe Is a God-Shaped Hole" here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/kHmXqKWVd6l2f5Y Stream/Download Mr. Mx here: song.link/MrMx

[@rohankishibe6433]

Hey, I just want to tell you hat I think was going on with Logan Paul's co-host. The thing that was happening is that he assumed that being "manly" is inherently virtuous, and that Logan would just automatically agree with him.

[@handyman2101]

Non-binary..... Sure whatever you say "totally" human person and not a robot person trying to blend in society by saying they aren't binary so people won't get suspicious of them Whatever you say

[@mo-s-]

Based genderabolitionist

[@magicseahorse]

I see that questioning hate speech in your comments section gets those questions removed. Would you rather apologize or get torn down? Your choice. Also, you took down my comments that did nothing but share my personal experience, with no reference to anyone else, no implied negativity, nothing against the rules. Follow the rules, okay?

[@FroggyStarTime]

Even as a woman I always thought the suit thing was weird

[@Starlight-ue8jy]

Me too! I’m an NB and why don’t any men wear the sorts of art pieces that women do?! Even at the MET Gala where the point is the fashion! It’s ridiculous!

[@Faunadoodlez]

Same

[@enderfire3379]

im a man but same. i swar if im ever attending something like this its gonna be in republic commando armor

[@rattiesunderstars]

@@Starlight-ue8jymen’s fashion is always so dull, it’s incredibly difficult to find something I actually like that isn’t listed as gender neutral

[@harasen_haras5]

"You get the perfect opportunity to put together any kind of outfit to express yourself through" Men with various different interests, personalities and lifestyles: Put on generic suits only differing in brightness and the absence or presence of a tie.

[@ogpandamonium]

I like how your glasses and the ring light make it look like you're a cartoon character with circular white pupil eyes

[@KaiAfterKai]

👁

[@MadnessSpeaks]

My thoughts exactly

[@gangsterman5590]

i cant unsee it how omg, its so weird

[@russellharrell2747]

Pseudo pupils like a praying mantis

[@CC.R0Y]

I was about to comment this exact same thing thinking nobody else noticed it lol

[@FishSticker]

Imagine ruining fashion so bad that you turn someone non binary

[@Katwind]

Wouldn't that outcome mean fashion is working as intended? I'm not an expert but I thought fashion was a way to express identity and sometimes also make a statement. Was I mistaken somewhere?

[@FishSticker]

@@Katwind the video started off by them saying that male fashion is so cringe and oppressive unlike female fashion, then saying that they’re nonbinary

[@Katwind]

@@FishSticker Ummm, yeah, both of those things are true. But they didn't say they're enby because male fashion sucks. I think you understood it as "fashion sense is uneven and restrictive for each gender, so it'd be better to get rid of gender", which doesn't make much sense. Sorry if I got it wrong, but that's what I got from your comments. But in any case, it's more of "fashion is meant to help people express themselves but gender norms get in the way, so it'd be better to get rid of gender".

[@magicseahorse]

Real women and men don't complain about such things for attention.

[@themooniscoming]

​@@magicseahorse it's not complaining for attention, quite the oposite. Is just "lemme do my thing alone". A man can't do his nails or have a nice long hair without bringing unwanted commentary and looks. Not that it matters at the end, but it's annoying af.

[@GDRhythmic]

I wore a skirt to school on "wacky Wednesday", a special day at my school based on the doctor suess book of the same name and I got so much attention it was overwhelming. But then, on a normal day, the girls in my class can wear cargo pants, v neck t-shirts, pretty much anything, and no one bats an eye. No idea how this happened in society. Also nice video btw :3

[@notBeWitchy]

I believe the standard is "masculinity", it's why tomboys aren't judged as harshly as someone who is masculine behaving effeminate. It might also just be misogyny and the objectification of women that result in less judgement in this regard. What it is in reality, idk I'm just spitting my thoughts. Gender is stupid I just want to be pretty and I love estrogen.

[@Natalietransfem]

This is so real.

[@Lindasaur.]

​@@notBeWitchy "Gender is stupid"... am I connected to your mind or smthn?? Ever since my agender awakening I've been like this, and now I've found someone similar. I couldn't be happier.

[@notBeWitchy]

@@Lindasaur. im definitely not agender and very much a binary trans woman but yea no its still stupid lol

[@septanine5936]

​@notBeWitchy I agree that masculinity is seen as the standard, but at least in the west, when women were fighting for rights and wages, they were also pushing boundaries on what was considered feminine, including clothing. as women became more established in the workforce, a place that was viewed as masculine, different uniforms and dress codes were created, some of them being more masculine than feminine. and women have continued to fight for the freedom of expression, being aided by the fact that women are seen as and allowed to be more expressive.

[@embertheraccoon37]

Unrelated to the entire video, but I do like it when KZbinrs have sunglasses on and the backlight reflects off of the glasses and creates "pupils" in a sort of way. Very entertaining to watch.

[@ChalkMuncher]

it's terrifying, i was distracted the entire video !!

[@KaiAfterKai]

👁👁

[@ThatOneGuyWhoTalks2Much]

I just noticed that at the end and it looked so funny I couldn't stop looking at it

[@Lovehandels]

Thanks, now I can't unsee it!!!!

[@FroggyStarTime]

0v0

[@mattjk5299]

The modern suit and its unremarkable variations has been a disaster for men's fashion.

[@zat5176]

Nah I digress. It’s perfect.

[@LoneWulf278]

We need to go back to Togas. 😂

[@magicseahorse]

The infiltration of apostrophes into plurals has been a disaster for the English language.

[@74bassman]

😂😂​@@magicseahorse

[@magicseahorse]

@@74bassman What's up, silverface? 🎸

[@dippyfresh1635]

I both hate and love gender. I hate the expectations placed on me but I love presenting more butch or femme as an expression of how I am feeling any given day. I hate the sexism, the homophobia, and the transphobia, but I love the communities that have formed as a result of such injustices. Happy pride!

[@KaiAfterKai]

As with many things, sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad.

[@Eeeeeeeeeeh-]

This is how I feel to!! I love being a sapphic and “girl”, but I don’t want anything to with gender

[@edumazieri]

In a way it's like nationalism. Waving flags, bonding, loyalty, pride - but that inevitably leads to separation, us-vs-them mentality and a loss of individuality. Maybe the only grouping we need is "human", no sub-grouping allowed. Actually, we may need to go a level higher to "creature", or even higher to just "thing that exists", could help with our empathy issue.

[@hopeboyherewithyourmcdonal3634]

@@edumazieri Pride is a response to queerphobia and exclusion. If we were fully accepted in society, then there would be no need for the flag waving or the LGBTQ-specific bonding. Don’t blame queer people for the us vs them mentality-that comes from somewhere else entirely, and all we can do is respond to it.

[@c.n.crowther438]

madtekkerz with the words

[@frogdude1337]

I'm a uk transfemme and I, like you, can't wait for gender to be homogenised and for nobody to care about what anyone else says they are. I just want to live my life without a terf telling me to piss in a different gendered cubicle, or someone calling me something nobody wants to hear, and to just live my life openly and happily. Lets hope we get a decent government this election who actually cares for people. ❤

[@KaiAfterKai]

Yeah, it ain't been easy for us for awhile now has it ^^; here's hoping things get better. Stay safe x

[@JuniperGal-ek2pu]

No…Gender/sex will always exist. Gender stereotypes will always exist as well. However, what society needs is less misogyny and misandry and less strict gender roles.

[@magicseahorse]

This is the first I've ever heard of gender being homogenized like it's some kind of fake cheese. Can you please explain? I don't understand how or why.

[@magicseahorse]

@@KaiAfterKai What, specifically, hasn't been easy for a while? I ask because I don't understand and that sounds really vague. What do you mean? I can't care if I don't know.

[@hosatus2433]

Why even say what you are? Why cant we just be what we are?

[@TeleviseGuy]

There's been a certain feeling within me that sometimes I feel like a perfectly cis male, but other times I feel a shadow of femininity, in an emotional, behavioral and mental sense. It's the time I want to dance around, smile, talk in a soft voice, pose differently, think differently. The label of "man" doesn't exactly fit me, despite being assigned male at birth and having male anatomy. And I've been thinking about it for a few months.

[@tlynhen]

You don’t know femininity feeling. You’re lying and stereotyping women. You’re all of that as a man and that’s cool really

[@EmmaHopman]

Often the labels we assume don't do their intended job of describing us. But rather, a more destructive thing, to define us, to limit us. Gender can be like a prison that we build around ourselves, it stops us from doing and thinking the things we truly want to. And worst of all, we are the ones holding onto the key.

[@hopelesslyoptimistic8231]

@@EmmaHopmanI think you're overcomplicating it. I'm a cis man, but I recognize when I do things that are “woman-like,” but I know why I'm doing those actions: It was the easiest way to express myself that way. We aren't free; there is always structure around us that keeps us grounded, but that's okay, and we can learn to work around it instead trying to destroy the idea entirely

[@EmmaHopman]

@@hopelesslyoptimistic8231 it's not about destroying the idea, it's about recognizing it and not letting it limit you. It sounds like you're doing that well.

[@mrxman6615]

I feel the exact same. You could be a cis male or a cis male who’s also genderqueer (I think it’s possible) or maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Depends on the person. It might be of no significance to you (and you may or may not just be a cis man as a result)

[@name-nam]

i cant unsee the ringlights being your pupils

[@EmmaHopman]

Haha it's like an anime character.

[@jan_harald]

I can never unsee them with people wearing sunglasses or similar in videos, lol

[@BluezPlant]

Yassss it got me making up an original character's design even😭😭😭

[@samsonokland8651]

That is terorfying why did you do this to me whyyyyyyyyyyyy

[@kumori_77]

same lol 😭

[@Josh-os7vn]

a really really beautifully point little exploration; i'm some random man who feels the same, even going so far to say 'abolish gender' (only just now also realizing that gender is really important to peoples identites) and this was really comforting and something that's gonna linger with me. i just feel i cannot truly be agender or non-binary, i feel like a tick too many stereotypes from the masc box but seeing you, hearing from you, the idea that it's about being yourself and not succumbing to what's expected - i just have to say thank you for this video :)

[@KaiAfterKai]

I'm glad to hear you got something out of this video, even if you ain't agender. Keep being yourself, whatever that may be✌🏽

[@Anon_y_mouse_the_only]

@@KaiAfterKai I'm actually wondering if the reason why it ends up being really important to people is because of the importance society places on it. If we lived without the concept at all, would it still be that way? Because if not, then potentially removing the idea at all might not have as many negatives, at least in the long run.

[@mr.j3rs3y]

@@Anon_y_mouse_the_only Societal expectations are extremely irritating. Instead of people just being allowed to exist and live the human experience; society tries to put us in neat little boxes based on WHAT we are instead of WHO we are.

[@crystalvulpine2314]

Stereotypes are not gender

[@magicseahorse]

@@Anon_y_mouse_the_only It's only as important to someone as they make it. If people want to keep preaching about how their real lives are hard because of things that only exist to them through a screen, they'll keep suffering. Nobody without internet cares so much about gender. The seeking of validation from online nobodies is a disease.

[@Bruh-ch5qe]

As a woman, I have alwaysed wondered, why do men have to wear these... Strictly Samey clothing. Especially suits. And they "can't" or "shouldn't" wear feminine clothing. But if I wear masculine clothing, nobody gives a shit lmao. Its literally double standards!!

[@Eeeeeeeeeeh-]

Idk if this is completely correct, but one take on on it is it’s because of sexism again, that masculinity it seen as better. So when someone does something that’s seen as masculine it’s seen as better, but if you go from being masculine to feminine it would be like going down a step, idk tho

[@frostbitetheannunakiiceind6574]

Its not fair it makes me wanna cry some days

[@septanine5936]

I think it's a combination of masculinity being seen as a default, women being viewed as more expressive, and women having faught for a broader range of expression

[@Dave102693]

@@septanine5936this

[@Dave102693]

@@Eeeeeeeeeeh-that’s how people view trans women as well

[@jamesbasdeckis]

I remember when I first started learning more about gender identity, I was initially annoyed when I was referred to as Cis-gendered. To be fair, it was technically correct, but the idea that it was needed at all felt weird. My thought process was basically "Why do i need to called Cis-gendered? That's never been necessary. I've always just been me." Ever since then, that thought has definitely taken on a lot of weight as I've learned more about the topic and this video really helped put that into perspective. Your insights have always helped me understand things in a way I might not have otherwise and this one especially has helped with that, so thanks again!

[@KaiAfterKai]

I'm glad to have helped. Wish you luck on your journey, wherever it may lead 🙏🏼

[@wigglerlesbian]

nothin' wrong with bein' cis

[@EmmaHopman]

I'm a trans woman. Once I actually understood what gender is, I finally realized that for most people (being cis) isn't something that feels special to them. In our culture we have strongly assumed that being cisgender is the default. To most people, realizing or learning about being cisgender is literally nothing of a surprise, so much so many even question why the term exists. The reason it exists is because not everyone has the same experience. I'm sure that you'd understand that if you're not trans you'd be something else. And that something else is, well, so common it's unremarkable to even think much of it. It's very much the same way we have terms like gay and straight. Without each, we'd have limited understanding of the other.

[@edumazieri]

@@EmmaHopman Forgive me if the following sounds off, I'm just trying to find the words that make sense to me. It's interesting how the term "cisgender" exists because of the term "transgender", allowing us a language framework that does not set a default, but both terms are still reliant on a relatively coventional understanding of the term "gender" - often assigned at birth and later on often assumed by presentation. While the terms are necessary considering the context in which they were created, they still require assignation and assumption to take place. A broader understanding of gender might require a change both in normative behavior and terminology.

[@EmmaHopman]

@@edumazieri ya know what's crazy, I wrote something in my notes yesterday night that sounds almost exactly like what you just said.

[@msmknz]

💛🤍💜🖤 nothing but respect for my agender siblings and thank you so much for being so empathetic to binary trans people. For some these labels feel like cages and for others they feel like doors that open up means to explain themselves to others and, as in all things: to each their own. We're all in this together ✊️🏳️‍🌈 happy pride fam!

[@KaiAfterKai]

✊🏽🌈

[@EmmaHopman]

As a transfem who is in part agender and also feminine, I can relate to both perspectives in this way. I find that, regularly, femininity is an open door and also a cage. I've learned to express myself by the way I feel in the moment, rather than by a sense of trying to be a consistent identity.

[@EmmaHopman]

✊ 🌈

[@magicseahorse]

I want to be supportive, but I can't find a single statement of anything here. Everything is so vague. People saying things are hard, but they can't say how. I'm confused. I can't support a community that can't identify its own issues.

[@EmmaHopman]

@@magicseahorse what kind of statement are you looking for? I don't really understand what you're saying here.

[@GamesTwelve]

I've thought about that last half a bit since it was a genuine topic in my philosophy course, and the spectrum v.s. binary is really quite a challenge. So much of our lives are built in binaries, or triads, etc.. and we never stop to think about how much importance are placed upon them. If it could be done, the infrastructure in place now would be such an undertaking to evolve out of, and it's been developing and growing more complex for centuries, just for a label really. Great video, happy pride month!

[@KaiAfterKai]

Happy pride month, and I'm glad to hear more people are talking about the idea of spectrums vs binaries. I wish I had someplace IRL like a philosophy class to really get down and talk about it with in-depth.

[@Alright281]

I'm not homophobic if I don't celebrate pride month am I?

[@Anon_y_mouse_the_only]

@@Alright281 No, not at all. Nobody actually is _required_ to do anything, just as long as you're respectful to people you're all good

[@ghoust592]

@@Alright281 You don't really need to celebrate pride month. I know pride right now is just commercialized by companies, all these arguments like "Can straight people go to pride?" "Do bi people belong at pride?" "Does kink belong at pride?". Obviously ignoring the fact that this is just stupid and those arguments are usually just Biphobia, Xenophobia, Racism, Transphobia or a generalized attempt to sterilize pride for companies to swoop in and advertise themselves. Just be aware that Pride Month is a celebration of how we got to the point where we are now. That if people back then didn't fight back we couldn't be able to be ourselves now, and the long way we are still going to go through.

[@Astrojox_]

@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyYeah. Tolerance and acceptance are quite different.

[@souzouookami3059]

We don't need to abolish gender, we need to abolish limiting/small box beliefs on what gender should be

[@magicseahorse]

That's already been done. Catch up.

[@souzouookami3059]

@@magicseahorse it still is happening genius, so don't pretend you know everything while also being condescending about it

[@aster84855]

​@@magicseahorseit absolutely hasnt

[@safianimoid]

Have you heard the term gender abolitionist? It's a bit flashy or whatever but it's a term I like to use to describe my overall frustration would be excessive need to gender all concepts and all presentations.

[@KaiAfterKai]

Like I said in the video, I'd love to do some more reading on the topic, but it does sound nice and flashy...

[@Tzensa]

There’s a few flavors within the school of thought. The one that I subscribe to is that gender, within the context of a modern society, is a functionally useless concept with one exception. It can be useful as a quick descriptor. For example when trying to point someone out “the woman in the blue shirt,” could be useful if there’s two men in blue shorts also standing near by. Personally I’d prefer femme and masc in place of woman and man but that’s another matter. With that in mind we should chip away at the significance of gender until it holds no more weight in society than hair or eye color. As a side note I personally believe that shrinking the importance of gender to such a degree would also help reduce the level of dysphoria that many trans people deal with. Anyhow there’s a lot more subtlety and nuance to it than that but hopefully this helps.

[@magicseahorse]

@@KaiAfterKai How would something like that be implemented? Without consent?

[@RikkuX5]

I can't believe how well you summarised my feelings about gender in such a short time. I was assigned female at birth and always had an odd relationship regarding femininity. It lead to me first rejecting it completely and then forcing it onto me but nothing felt right. Nowadays I understand that a lot of these complicated feelings come from what society teaches us about gender. The world was a different place 30 years ago and I am glad it's slowly adapting to a more diverse and critical thinking. I've been identifying as non binary for roughly two years now and as someone who dressed quite feminine in the past and prefers a more masculine gender representation now it did strike questions in others as well as myself. I wondered if the reason I cut my hair short is because I want to rebel against femininity and how it hurt me in the past or because I actually want to change my gender. Breaking down your own thinking patterns and deconstructing learned behaviour is freaking tough. At 30 years I am not sure what of my feelings are genuine, whats taught behaviour and what's a coping mechanism. I was asked (very politely) by a coworker if I want to be treated as a man now and I just smiled and said "I don't really know. Right now I just want to be me and I am fine with being everything and nothing at the same time." I like the idea of being agender (im AroAce so being a AAA battery sound rad) but as it is at the moment I think too much about my assigned gender to vibe with the label. Maybe I'll be caught in this limbo of wondering if I am trans or agender my whole life but that's fine. I like the way I am right now and I am starting to accelt that I don't need a clear answer or label for that. Thats why the non binary umbrella term is lovely. I don't want to be a woman or a man the way society teaches us. I just want to be me and thats okay

[@laxsjo.]

Omg, the term being an "AAA battery" so needs to become a thing!

[@RikkuX5]

@@laxsjo. Saw the term a few times on Tumblr but we definitely need to spread the word!

[@ClimbLikeAGirl-vz3gt]

Yes. Yes yes yes. Im Not aro/ace but I vibe so much with the rest of what you explained.

[@spaghetto9836]

​@@laxsjo.I think it's already becoming a thing; either AroAce & Agender or A-spec, Agender & Autistic. I'm glad.

[@DavidSilva-mn4dz]

Just be who you wanna be. Wanna kiss the hommies? Do it. Wanna be old school macho gentleman? Do it. Wanna be deinty, strong, athletic, sensible, pragmatic, stylish, gear oriented, art oriented, thing oriented, people oriented, family man, barchelore, etc? Do it. Be the different you in the different stages of life.

[@CasualJoke]

As a man (a trans man, but still a man), I actually agree with a lot about what you say. I found out I was trans a year or 2 ago, but in the past few months, I’ve really harbored this weird feelings of doubt about my gender identity and I didn’t know why. I’ve found out recently that I am indeed still a man, but I don’t like having expectations placed on me on what it’s like to ‘actually be a man.’ The suit thing in the beginning resonated SO MUCH with me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love suits, but men are often expected to wear dark and paler colors and a black/white shirt. Personally, even before and after I identified as trans, I naturally geared towards wearing more colorful outfits, like in the boys’ sections of stores. But it seems that it’s mostly acceptable for young men (boys 0-12 years old) to wear colorful clothing, and the men that do decide to stand out and be a bit more stylish would be considered ‘gay’ or ‘flamboyant.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it relates to the stereotype thing that you mentioned. And even as someone who identifies as male, I sometimes wish the concept of gender was abolished altogether, too. Or at least adjusted ever so slightly to be more fluid and exists merely as only a label without holding such strict standards and expectations for neither men, women, or even LGBTQ people. At this rate, we just need more people to show (not just explain, but SHOW) that there is not a wrong or right way to identify or be a certain gender (or lack there of.) I can’t guarantee that will eliminate the limiting gender expectations that is commonly held, but at least it introduces something for people to reconsider what gender truly is, and maybe leads them to educating themselves more. Thank you for making this video. Keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for reading this comment (if you did).

[@KaiAfterKai]

I did indeed read it. Thank you for the comment, I'm glad the video spoke to you 🙏🏽

[@defaultdan7923]

“but still a man” hell yeah brother, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

[@DaroTheDragon]

Ugh I really feel this deeply. I am a high functioning autistic and I just have certain oddities about me like liking my nails to be slightly longer just because it feels right to me and when I have to cut them my fingers will occasionally get sore. I have a lot of sensory issues with my skin so Im stuck wearing sweat shirts because of how it makes me feel but a shirt feels really weird compared to it. Also a lot of textures are pretty bad. I hate cologne and deodorant because of those manly strong smells and its not because I think or want to be a woman I just would like to not have societal norms forced on me. Yeah I also think that mens chocies are incredibly boring and uninteresting

[@KaiAfterKai]

World ain’t too kind to neuro divergent people. Keep doing you mate 👊🏾

[@magicseahorse]

Why did you call yourself an autistic? Autistic is an adjective. Quit it with the labels. You're hurting yourself and it's annoying people.

[@g_glop]

There's this video "How Conservatives Created (and Cancelled) Gender" that recounts how gender as a social construct was created in reaction to scientific advances which have shown that biological sex doesn't exist as two seperate states but rather a collection of traits, none of which were a source of some divine femininity/masculinity. Being a social construct, gender can be defined and re-defined as you or the society wants. So gender inherited the old meaning of sex and the new meaning of sex is biological muddiness. What that means is that if you took someone from one peak of the bio-sex distribution, and using advanced technology flip them to the other peak, they still coudn't switch genders if society simply insists that it's immutable. (if you go by outside observation instead of self-identification) The conservatives problem with gender (even if it's a thing they created) is that it de-tangles the social and biological. Just by changing the society you interact with you get different models like: gender assigned at birth, presenting as a gender, gender identification, and many mixtures.

[@KaiAfterKai]

Interesting stuff. I'll have to check out the video, thanks for mentioning it.

[@AntiApple4life]

Hi from another Alexander Avila subscriber! I watched that video when it was still called A People's History of Gender Ideology, and it is great!

[@ilavain]

Kai, I understand this video on such a deep level. I'm also nonbinary, and finally taking that step to aknowledge that the expectations you see put on everyone are not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but actively make you feel worse about yourself. It is freeing. It feels good no longer being in a weirdly rigid bubble. People experience gender so differently, so explaining your discomfort almost feels impossible to someone who does not feel similar. That's why videos like this matter so much. Happy Pride!

[@KaiAfterKai]

I'm glad you resonated with this so strongly 🙏🏼🙏🏼 happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

[@jacobharris3002]

As a cisgendered male I never got why people can't understand or accept that gender and biological sex can be different concepts. The moment it was explained to me it made perfect sense. How does your X and Y chromosomes have any bearing on what clothes you wear, or what personality you have or your role in society? The simple, scientific answer is it doesn't, or at least there isn't a 1 to 1 correlation for every person. Trying to enforce rigid gender norms that people aren't comfortable with is a infringment of people's freedom and well being. Also gender dysphoria isn't really that hard of a concept to grasp when you think about the even more bizare birth defects people are born with. There are some people born with the two genitalla, no genitalla, tails, extra limbs, etc but for some reason a female brain in a male body or vice-versa is not possible? Despite all the complications of human sexuality and genetics, some people will dismiss the possibility out of hand that it is a medical condition and call it mental illness. Unfortunately I think fear of the unknown and religion plays the biggest role in this bigotry/misunderstanding. I don't know how to rid the world of religious bigotry but fear of the unknown is easy to enough to fix. If you actually talk to people with unconventional gender idenitities and sexual orientiations or simply learn more about them, you quickly realize they are otherwise pretty normal people.

[@LazarusBell]

They're the same people that can't distinguish love and sex too, unfortunately.

[@magicseahorse]

I've never met anyone who can't understand it. I just see comments like this online.

[@draco6349]

as somebody who just recently realized i prefer to label myself Agender, watching through the intro it was just point for point, to a T *exactly* what i've experienced. i clicked thinking "oh there's no way that when this person says 'i hate being a man' they mean it in the same way i do, it's probably just some other thing" and then it just. was. i don't know how to describe how validated i feel now, genuinely thank you so much for making this.

[@LucinaVRC]

Trans Girl here. The Thumbnail initially scared me a bit bcuz it kinda reminded me of the anti SJW era, but after i watched it i was amazed❤. awesome Video❤. congrats on the egg crack❤. love your style❤.

[@KaiAfterKai]

Thank you for watching, I'm glad the video found you 🙏🏽

[@magicseahorse]

What's with all the hearts? Women don't do that. Some little girls do.

[@TrashcanAccount]

This video is just based. As a trans woman i think it's so cool that people are willing to exit the gender binary (or gender altogether), and it also winds up helping me in my transition since I basically look GNC whatever i do 😂 seeing other GNC people is such a relief, i just feel safer with y'all 💜

[@magicseahorse]

So as a person who did a thing, you think it's cool to see other people abandon their structure? Weird. I don't get how it's your business.

[@staydio]

​@@magicseahorse How about you 🤏 shush

[@magicseahorse]

@@staydio When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say. Enjoy your fear.

[@staydio]

@@magicseahorse They just stated that it's nice seeing other people like them and it makes them feel better. And your response is calling them weird. That's not freedom of speech it's called being rude.

[@cherrybomb797]

This video is basically me in a daily basis

[@KaiAfterKai]

May we both find out way out 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@cherrybomb797]

@@KaiAfterKaisoon enough!

[@scrungler_boinbus]

:0 cherry bomb

[@magicseahorse]

So your identity is a KZbin video? Ouch!

[@akirahimurakinakiyama7395]

I believe men deserve more self respect

[@intangible9838]

I just think of it as an aesthetic, i think even just a spectrum is too limiting because it implies there are extremes or limits on it, or that there are focal points of it

[@puppycube90]

Heya there, also a nonbinary person. I understand this video on a deep, spiritual level. I've struggled with internal transphobia for years, feeling like I'm not masculine enough for people to not see me as a woman, and vice versa. Anytime I go outside I observe the mannerisms of others around me, typically men, and try to act like that. It's difficult to explain, but because I was AFAB if I do act feminine no one cares about whatever label I have. It's just.. woman. I can't wait until the world just gets rid of the concept of gender and we can simply dress and act the way we want to without people spouting about how "back in my day men were men and women were women." With that being said, happy pride everyone 🌈

[@jakanader]

the problem with suits is that many people have a limited understanding of what a suit can be; usually just a cool-colored jacket and pants with a white shirt. anything else doesn't register as a suit to most people. a suit is ultimately just a top and a bottom made out of the same material, which can lead to some really interesting outfits if you're willing to put in the effort. a recent favorite celebrity example of mine is Coleman domingo's critics' choice awards outfit.

[@Sanbaddy]

Our society is badly obsessed with heteronormative culture. There's poverty and crime out there, yet we have people going crazy over someone's gender identity or who can wear a skirt.

[@Ideitupington]

THE INTRO REMINDED ME WHEN I WAS LIKE IN 3RD GRADE AND I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND ABOT HOW GUYS DONT GET TO WEAR DRESSES AND SKIRTS AND STUFF

[@artemys5197]

I feel completely the same. It has been like that since i learned what nb meant and even before that i knew. I'm agender too, but many people in my life don't know that. Many people think it's silly, or I'm afraid to think they would. I kinda hate explaining myself. And people love to shit on nb people, even saying "well in a world with no difference between men and women in society you wouldn't be nb!" And I'm always baffled because........... We don't live in that world do we? Really great video, i love your style and your video editing style

[@Akab]

Umm Akshually🤓... in a world with no gender binary, no one would be binary therefore everyone would be nonbinary 👁️👄👁️

[@floofykxtty]

As a trans woman I agree with absolutely everything you said in here, I want gender stereotypes to go away and want it to be a spectrum too, I’ve been so happy ever since I’ve came out as a trans woman, nonbinary people don’t have a certain “look” and the same should be said about all the other genders, happy pride month, stay happy ❤

[@minimump5248]

The thing is, society views masculine traits as positive traits and feminine traits as negative. That's why a man embracing his feminine traits is more looked down upon than a woman embracing her masculine traits

[@williamspears1627]

This is untrue. Look up the Women are Wonderful effect. Listen to all of the people who say that misandry isn't real. Look at the obsession with toxic masculinity but the lack of discussion when it comes to tosic femininity.

[@minimump5248]

@@williamspears1627 Okay... And what does it have to do with my original comment?

[@williamspears1627]

@@minimump5248 Society does not view masculine traits as positive or feminine traits as negative. That was the point of my comment.

[@minimump5248]

@@williamspears1627 Feminine presenting males get persecuted while masculine presenting females rarely get ostracized. A woman wearing men's clothing is seen as fashionable or get brushed off while a man wearing women's clothing is called a sinner. Your thesis on my statement being untrue lacks support. Also, what did toxic masculinity and toxic feminity have to do with my original comment?

[@williamspears1627]

@@minimump5248 Feminine presenting males get persecuted because women force men to adhere to strict gender roles. This is why Gay men are able to dress freely and better express themselves compared to their heterosexual counterparts. Women can wear men's clothing because men don't force women to adhere to strict gender roles. Historically the Tomboy archetype is proof that men haven't really forced women to adhere to strict gender roles. If you don't understand the context in which I used toxic masculinity and toxic femininity (you misspelled it as feminity) then re-read my comment. The context is there. If you can't understand it then find someone more intelligent and have them break it down for you.

[@FadedPatchwork]

omg yeah no ive had these exact same thoughts for the longest time and just never had a word for it. Its such a breath of fresh air to hear someone else say that they don't get gender at all, like i thought i was just going crazy, everyone else seems to be driven by this thing and I can't tell if it's mass hysteria or if I am the delusional one. tysm for existing. Also if you want to be looking into postgenderism you wanna look into gender accelerationism and social constructionism.

[@KaiAfterKai]

I'm glad you enjoyed the video! And cheers for the leads, definitely looking them up later

[@internetcouch]

Another good reminder of how easy I have it as a cis dude who likes to wear suits. Loved the video!

[@KaiAfterKai]

Enjoy your suits, friend. Just don't be shy of mixing things up now and then ;)

[@magicseahorse]

You like to wear suits? Ha! Can't stand them.

[@rexr0b0twars80]

The ringlight and glasses combo makes it looks like you got googly eyes which is awesome.

[@ManyFacesCrystalEyes-nc6lx]

I’ve always supported trans/NB people and the like, but although I completely agree with their reasoning, I just can’t understand the motivation to change gender. (Which is fine. Other people are different than me, of course.) If I’m a guy who likes feminine clothes (which I am), or am not comfortable with traditional masculinity for whatever reason, then why does that mean I have to change my gender accordingly? Isn’t the problem with society’s expectations of gender, not with gender itself? That’s what I mean by understanding the thought process but not the motivation. To me, it would be better if society as a whole stopped carrying assumptions about people because of their gender. I’ve thought this way for a while, and it’s great to know others think sort-of similarly.

[@KaiAfterKai]

What is a "gender" if not a collective of societal expectations assigned to a gender? That's how I see it at least. Regardless, you still know that you're a man despite enjoying "feminine" things? You got as much respect from me as someone who says they don't wanna be a man 🙌🏾 keep doing what you're doing

[@etasjo]

im not trans because i like "feminine things" but because i have gender dysphoria

[@TrashcanAccount]

For me it's gender dysphoria, I just cannot stand having a male body at all (and wished I had a female body instead), I'm an introvert so I care less about gender roles but they still matter.

[@PeriOfTheGee]

Gender is just like a vibe. Im a woman because I love being one. Its just a way to say youre similar to other people who use that label. And a 'feminine' body also matches my aesthetic better so thats why I changed that one too.

[@Chopscrewyyy]

Nobody is really changing their gender at all. Gender is something within you and it doesn't always match your sex and gendered roles/clothing assigned to you at birth. It's all a matter of changing the outside to be true to the inside

[@BasementMinions]

That is punk as hell. As a cisgendered man I am also really fed up with the limitations of suits as the only appropriate formal wear. Let me wear colorful fanciful outfits and be revered for my style rather than rejected for my gender expression.

[@EJ_2091]

As an AFAB enby that grew up having to wear dresses all the time to formal events (wasn’t until adulthood I was able to explore other options), I always envied men’s suits. Not for their style, but for the simplicity. The easiness of them. I’m not a fancy person, I don’t like formalwear or dressing up, I don’t like getting creative with my outfits. I like to be comfortable. And suits were so simple and straightforward. And you could wear the same black or navy suit to almost any event and no one would bat an eye or even think about how it’s the same suit you wore to the last event. But everyone notices if you repeat a dress twice, especially twice in a row. And I hated that. I just wanted to be plain and neutral. So for me being able to wear suits was something I was completely jealous of.

[@TubeTAG]

Y'know, if at the bare minimum, we could stop trying to police *other people's* gender and how they represent and convey that, that'd probably be a good first step.

[@kobeme.]

This is a very interesting, insightful video! I know this is a bit of a nitpick and, but the only bit I disagree with is the bit about suits. As someone who dresses in formal menswear everyday, I know suits can be just as interesting and marvelous as any other kind of clothing. A lot of the suits men wear nowadays are mediocre and uninteresting because formalwear has fallen out of fashion, and interesting cuts, styles, fabrics patterns aren't really manufactured anymore for that reason - but that doesn't necesarily mean formalwear can't be interesting :-)

[@KaiAfterKai]

Oh sure. Just because I wish there were other, more diverse options doesn’t mean I want them gone; quite the contrary, I'd be sad to lose suits.

[@ninjaeagleart]

Dang, I relate to this video way too much. I very recently found out I'm non-binary (But have had feelings for like over a year beforehand), and you just summarized my EXACT thoughts on gender. My 18th birthday is at the end of June/Pride Month and I'm going to be coming out as Non-binary to my family then, so wish me luck lol.

[@albertwesker6153]

Good luck dude

[@Turai12]

Good luck!

[@luigiboyinblu]

I was raised twelve years in a boys only catholic school. After graduating and noticing how noticeably different life is without so much masculine pressure, I started realizing I did, said and thought so many things I now deeply regret and I later realized that the reason for all of that happening in the first place was because “that’s what men do”, “that’s what men are”. And if devoting my identity to a gender that doesn’t have any meaning to me means doing things that I wouldn’t naturally do, then it doesn’t make sense for me to keep considering myself a man. Great video and I’m always so happy to know that I’m not alone with this.

[@miningglalie]

Thank you so much for making this video. I relate a lot. I'm not agender, because to me personally that's still too much of defining myself in relation to gender. I have rejected labels altogether, gender and sexuality wise. I'm just me. I still use he/him pronouns, because I use any. I still present in a way that people perceive as "masculine". And honestly, it bothers me that so many of our choices (conscious or unconscious) are steeped in gender perception. You didn't really convince me of anything, or said something I didn't know, but you did show me that there's someone out there who understands. And I really appreciate that. I really need it right now. Finally, I really agree with the gender abolitionist sentiment and with hating gender. I think a critical nuance we have to understand tho is that hating gender doesn't mean we should hate people for having gender identities. Gender is larger than people's identities, it's a whole set of expectations, values, modes of perception... That's the real issue, not people being how they want to be. So yeah. That's the difference with TERFs. They hate particular gender identities, but they love the social mechanism of gender

[@vincentbatten4686]

I also agree with this idea. I wish more people would talk about it. I always try to explain it as others might call me agender and or pansexual, but I don't use these terms to describe myself because it's just another label used to group me in a hypothetical construct with other people. These aren't ideas that define me. No singular idea defines me. They're labels which are just classifications that also aren't completely similar to other's beliefs or understandings. Why would I defy a label by assigning it a label? That said, it's helpful to have a reference point for some people in order to help shape conversation. People absorb and take in information in vastly different ways. I'm not trying to alienate others while having a conversation. If it's helpful to them to use those terms in order to follow the conversation, then be my guest. I know some people love to use labels to define themselves. It can be a very touchy thing to discuss with people, so it's not like I bring this up often, but I tend to believe that some people just need rigid rails in order to help them understand themselves. Sort of like how some artists' creatively flourish more when they have limitations. I know that's largely an assumption, but I'm not trying to shatter someones self conception during our coffee break, you know. It doesn't truly bother me unless they are trying to ascribe their personal beliefs about there ideas of gender, sexuality, or anything else to other people. They assume objectivity when there is no objectivity.

[@VioletViolence]

The older I get , the less gender makes sense to me too (I’m agender)

[@magicseahorse]

Yeah. People give up on things when they get older.

[@theawesomeayla]

I’ve been feeling like this for so long! Gender and the way society uses it with fashion sucks! Great video, can relate to a lot of what you’re saying

[@IcyFlame100X10]

It's really nice to hear someone who thinks more or less exactly how I feel about it. I don't feel quite so strongly about it as to identify as anything else, but I've always consistently complained about men's fashion. It's boring. I suppose I don't have much room to speak (flannels forever), but I've often thought that, if perhaps I were a little bolder, I'd be stuck in vintage dresses for the next several years.

[@nikriedel]

Men fashion has been stuck in the early 1900s, and hasn't been questioned ever since. The revolution starts with people like you speaking out. Thanks for using your voice and spreading the message

[@odorokibruh]

-nonbinary -xenoblade chronicles 3 -evangelion -milk the autism is RESONATING with this one. sub earned. happy pride 💛🤍💜🖤

[@elidoesartz6340]

I love when the alogrothim just sends me vedios that sum up my gender experience perfectly lol

[@KaiAfterKai]

Happy that it got sent your way ^^

[@cineblazer]

As an AMAB person named Kai who has recently been questioning my gender, seeing this particular combination title, thumbnail, and channel name was... a little spooky lmao. Great video, and I agree with a lot of what you're saying!

[@toongamer2810]

Going into this video, I thought it would be about the struggles and hardships of just simply being a male. Not...gendered clothing.

[@docopoper]

As a feminine leaning enby, my take on the abolish gender thing is that the thing about gender we need to abolish is people making such a thing out of it. Like, we don't need enforced gender roles. We don't need laws that discriminate based on gender. We don't need gender based dress codes. And we don't need to have our gender chosen at birth (this is especially a problem for intersex people who often face genital mutilation as babies by doctors forcing them to fit the binary). I don't think we need to abolish gender beyond that. Like, as simple collections of traits. As clubs you feel like you belong to. As things you vibe with and get a sense of community and shared experience from. They're fine. I keep going back and fourth on whether I want to go towards being a girl or go more in the agender direction. There are lots of nice things about being a girl that I vibe with and about 85% of the time I like getting treated as basically a girl by my friends. But there are definitely times when I'm like "yeah, but not like that" and recoil from being a girl. And that's not even to do with sexism. I think once you have unmoored yourself from gender it's easy to develop a very nuanced view on it. I'm not sure if I agree with you on trans people in particular having a strong bond with gender. I think a lot of cis people do too. And it's not invalid for them to. They were lucky and got a lot of things to align for them in life in that regard. Their typical lack of having done any gender exploration is a bit more of a problem for how it causes them to act. Some people love being a man. And that's totally cool unless they suck as a person, but that applies to everybody.

[@KaiAfterKai]

Appreciate the thoughts!

[@whyiwakeup6460]

I have very similar experiences, just more nothing instead of repulsion from being perceived as a girl.

[@saoirse2963]

But you yourself enforce gender roles. You don't call yourself a women because you vibe with things that are supposedly masculine, how is that not enforcing gender roles and stereotypes?

[@docopoper]

@@saoirse2963 That's very true. To that I say that reality is messy, anxiety exists and emotions can be irrational even if you believe something. But yeah, it's true that my reasoning there is enforcing gender roles.

[@ninchalla_creates]

This is exactly why I started cosplaying

[@Badbirdie]

It's refreshing to finally come across someone that thinks the same way I do when it comes to Gender. It really is a dumb concept that was decided by nobody. In my actual honest opinion, I believe that the entire concept didn't truly exist until recently, I would argue that industrialization and religion are the two biggest factors. Somehow, the societies of our world got so twisted into this silly idea that you should live entirely based on your genitals and not based on your mind and soul. Who the hell said that a t-shirt and khaki shorts defines a man? Who the hell decided that fingernail paint is the trademark of a woman? I recently realized that NOBODY actually has a say in what you can and cannot wear, NOBODY has the right to dictate the way you walk, or the way you wear your hair. If more people of this earth recognize that they have the choice to be themselves then we can finally get a move on.

[@lizb7271]

Yeah, the whole "it sucks that women can wear whatever they want" thing was something I noticed from a young age, but I didn't want to be a man in a dress. Anyway, I'm a woman now. In the defence of the suit (and dinner jacket et al), I appreciate it for what it is, subtle and understated. I understand that's not what everybody wants. Personally, I think 18th century court dress is maybe a direction for a more decorative and colourful form of menswear that men are comfortable with.

[@Cordial_Lump]

i was on the "abolish gender" train for a very long time... but language is super important and when you take that specific phrase to its logical conclusion, it's transphobic, and a bit alien. it made me realize that gender/gender roles have always been a part of human civilization shapeshifting overtime, but never disappearing. like... until we're all cybernetic brains living in the cloud "abolishing gender" comes off as delusional even if the intention is really positive and freeing... I think a better motto should be something with more positive framing, like broaden gender, or expand gender. To some this might be the same as destroying gender, but it's not. Language is very important so that we include rather than exclude our trans siblings... tldr I agree but we need a better motto.

[@prod.dreiii]

I 100% resonate with the concepts you have laid out in this video. I don't really like the idea of gendered things and believe many of those we have deemed "for boys/girls" should be a thing of the past. While I am comfortable with my assigned sex (male) I do find myself wanting to get in touch with the feminine side that wants to express itself more. Watching this video made me realize that I just might fall under the non-binary umbrella to some degree, and I think that's beautiful. Be who you want to be, and let no one tell you otherwise!

[@azuretiger-kfpmarketingstr6018]

Personal opinion, but I think the reason women being more masculine is more accepted than men being more feminine is due to sexism. The male hegemony gets an ego boost when everyone wants to be like them, when people reject their idea of acceptability they take it as a personal insult. For myself, I've recently found the courage to try feminine styles in public myself, and I LOVE it! Especially in this summer weather it's very comfortable, and looks great as well. Love the video!

[@devinwithane6085]

This is a really insightful video

[@KaiAfterKai]

I appreciate that 🙏🏼

[@Boydar]

It feels so right to just take a break from all expectations. Let's just be people, in a world made for people and not made for concepts.

[@danferrusquia2819]

Neither my sister nor I totally fit traditional gender stereotypes, and I think it’s really interesting that we reconciled that in opposite ways. I decided that because I’m male and a consider myself a man, everything I do is therefore masculine regardless of whether or not it has been traditionally viewed that way. My sister decided that because they had interests and personality traits that didn’t fully align with traditional femininity, they were therefore not a woman and now identify as nonbinary.

[@npclucario7005]

Thank you for the video, I have been going through a period of questioning my gender, I've never liked the expectations around being seen as a man, I don't feel any discomfort or anything around being a man, but I don't really want that to be my core identity, more gender apathetic ig? I want to be seen as my individual self first and whatever label people put on me second or not at all. I appreciate your perspective on being agender since I've been wondering if that might be a decent description of how I feel

[@charl2182]

i watched this whole video imagining the reflection of the ring light in their glasses were pupils

[@mimicray]

I remember watching those shows where there were episodes that gender bent the main character(s). I didn't get their reaction to it. Why was it wrong to them? Why did they change their interests and behavior? Why were they so desperate to change back? Sure, they didn't decide to change, but they also didn't decide what they were born as. When I placed myself in the hypothetical scenario, I wouldn't care that much or change. I used to think I was better than the other guys I knew because I could play with whatever I wanted, while they limited themselves to "boy toys". "Boy/girl toys" were just a scheme to make kids want to play with the same toys as their friends were playing with, so they'd want them more, or something. Then, while watching Avatar, I learned that it wasn't just a kids' thing. Adults too separated specific jobs and skills to certain genders, and that's stupid. I never saw any "real" difference between boys and girls other than physically, and being raised by a biologist who loved talking about anything related to her work, I knew about the exceptions. later, I heard about trans people and non-binary people, which fed my superiority complex. I thought they just didn't know they could play with dolls *and* cars if they wanted to. Then, a friend of mine came out, and they did not fit my stereotypes. I was confused. I wasn't sure what to do because I wanted to respect them, but they clearly must think there is some difference between being a boy and a girl, and I couldn't wrap my head around that. It cost me that friendship. But now I realize that I did not understand gender better than anyone else, or at all. My logic was literally that everyone else was dumb because I didn't even need to think about it to find the answer. That's stupid. But now that I knew that I didn't understand it, I finally had questions about what I didn't understand. It took me a while, but I slowly started interacting with some communities about this stuff, mainly through VRChat. I was first introduced to gender as a social thing, and about the cultural significance it has, and the drastically different ways cultures have treated it. I realized that I did not experience gender. I got a little scared that I would read up about non-binary stuff and somehow feel like I found a piece that made sense of me, and I did not want to go through the journey of discovering my asexuality again. I then discovered agender, and felt nothing. Sure, I fit the description of agender, but I couldn't relate to it. It was confusing. Why do people who have no gender identify with not having a gender? Well, why did I care that I was asexual? Asexuality made me feel different; something expected of me was missing. I'm guessing that is why people identify as agender too; agender people feel "different". I don't feel anything, like telling a lunar moth that they are asexual. Sure, they might acknowledge the definition, not experiencing attraction, but they wouldn't care. They are biologically asexual; attraction for reproduction is an "other" to them. At first, I assumed it was due to how I was raised. My grandma could lift cars, after all; it wasn't a very stereotypical family household. But I've heard from other people with the same experience, and one of them thought it was due to the completely opposite. So I don't know. I did stumble into the neurological side of things, and I have had a brain-related hobby for the past 5-ish years, so I knew where to look and found some interesting stuff that leads me to believe that your gender is mainly determined by your brain structure in some way... but really, I'm at the bottom of the Dunning Kruger curve right now. I know nothing, and I might never understand most things about gender. anyways, hope you found my stupidly loong comment interesting

[@morganst4f885]

"I don't like cheese because it's not a vegetable" sounds kinda hard tho

[@askatuproductions]

I think it's the first time I actually RELATE (100%) to someone's views on gender. Even as a child I didn't get to understand why boys and girls were supposed to like different things- specially small unimportant things like colors, tv shows, music or clothing. Gender didn't make sense to me. And honestly, it still doesn't. I just try to respect other people's preferences because I know it's important for them.

[@j.s.ospina9861]

I hate gender too. But being called "non binary" is honestly kind of stupid. Not because it is invalid; more like it is too obvious. There's a thousand variables you could point to, that influence the "gender" you are supposedly performing. Oh, you like cars or dolls? Did you like the movie Barbie? Have you ever put on makeup, or used basic skincare? Do you like the color pink? Have you ever considered a full body-shave? Have you ever bought clothing meant for the opposite sex? Do you like dramatic or emotional movies? How many times a year do you cry? What kind of music do you like? Not only we can find "gendered" things everywhere around us, opposite dualities like the sun and the moon or right and left that we assign a gender to (and also add those newly gendered things to the list of stuff that "defines" your gender), but also the definition of masculinity is very subjective. We have some sort of idea of it, but some of those ideas can really go into extremes no actual existing man can achieve. So if you're a "man" in gender, but you're not that one extreme perfect idea of a man, in which absolutely all gender boxes are checked, are you really a man? If you are, where do we draw the line? Basically, I believe there's no point in drawing the line. There are thousands of shades of grey in between black and white. We are ALL non binary. Some are more masculine and some more feminine than others, but when it comes to gender, the absolutes are never real, and there's no place to draw the line. That's why I feel its stupid. Calling oneself "non binary" is more of a political statement than an actually useful notion. That's why the whole non-binary pronouns stuff seems pointless to me; beyond that political statement, I have no problems with being called by male pronouns. But eh, whatever

[@j.s.ospina9861]

Also, quick note, but I've come to the conclusion that the "gender" trans people refer to and the "gender" non binary people refer to are two entirely different things. We get confused because they are called the same. The "trans gender" is more close to some sort of a perceptional sex, a sex you perceive yourself as. It is closely related to the body; that's why there's this whole deal about sex-change operations. There's scientific proof this perceptional sex is actually related to brain anatomy. The "non binary gender", which is the one I talk about above, is more about characteristics or feats of personality, that also happen to be societally "assigned" to the idea of the societal role for each sex. Because of that assignment, trans people might start liking the "societal gender" opposite to their bodies, because their "perceptional sex" is opposite to their bodies too. In theory, of course. But initially, these are separate.

[@thatoddshade]

11:40 "robe" comes from the word for "dress" in French, which, one may say, makes the distinction entirely arbitrary (even if it exists in French too).

[@mr.insanity8015]

Mini rant response: There are patterns and there are outliers. This is inevitable once you have enough ideas and evidence. In my eyes, all people have varying degrees and depths of different qualities and values, and like with all things, these traits on their own aren't inherently good or evil -- any extreme will leave you with flaws exposed. I see the same thing when applied to gender. What is masculine and what is feminine is defined by culture, and we will see patterns and outliers between different definitions. I am a man, and my male experience might be different to another man's male experience, but it is a shared male experience regardless. However, I will admit that I also have feminine qualities. I am the therapist friend for many, I am a social butterfly, I have an eye for how people express the different parts of themselves, and I try to support those around me as much as I can, mainly emotionally. That forms a nurturing role. A very "feminine" role. I believe that all people have touches of these different qualities, masculine and feminine, and I believe that your identity, biological or psychological, influences how these qualities are expressed. This means that men have varying degrees of "masculine" traits as much as they do "feminine" trats, and vice versa, and they can be expressed in the same way or differently due to expression of identity. But that doesn't change the fact that these qualities are fluid and there is nothing about them that restrict them to one idea or to a singular gender. When discussing manliness as a virtue, the idea that these virtues are not exclusive to men is always brought up because being a good person isn't gendered. The methods to be a good person isn't gendered. Wisdom should come from as many sources as it can, and you can bet your butt that includes from different genders. It's why I don't give a flying potato pie about people's identities. Because all of these pieces -- ideology, experience, values, beliefs, nature, nurture, and the thousands of lenses we use to view life and the lives of others -- coalesce together to form you, and you form your choices and your identity in turn. Anyone is allowed to be emotional; anyone is allowed to be stoic. Anyone is allowed to be social; anyone is allowed to be pragmatic. Anyone is allowed to strong; anyone is allowed to be vulnerable. Anyone is allowed to feel feminine; anyone is allowed to feel masculine. And for the sake of my sanity, suits don't have to be boring! Men's fashion is subtle, but stylising exists! I own one suit and I know this! Seek professional help! A tailor, even! You celebrities can afford it!

[@orangejuiceow5420]

Okay, but what does that change? If you wear a skirt people are still gonna view you as a man. What ever you identify as has 0 impact on how others see you anyway.

[@VivaLaAntifa3]

7:13 Maybe circular logic? It isn’t manly because it is not something men usually wear. And man don’t wear it usually because it’s not manly?

[@KaiAfterKai]

Yeah I think this is what I was getting at. Thanks!

[@VivaLaAntifa3]

@@KaiAfterKai Anyways great video. Thanks for making me think about this topic.

[@whitewolf5793]

Putting a limit on one's expression is putting a limit on one's world and creativity. With lack of creativity neither the oppressed nor the oppressors evolve and learn. Therefore everyone remains stale, worse with resentment coming from both sides.

[@DaveMS_]

This hits me on so many levels. This whole idea has been on my mind for ages just melting me from inside like acid. Thank you for sharing this.

[@amdumblol762]

um ok i wasn't ready to watch the realest video ever

[@KaiAfterKai]

Sometimes shit just catches us by suprise.

[@TNTo1]

I thought this was just gonna be a video about some guy venting about society treats men and wanted to comment the egg emoji to do a little bit of trolling but seeing a video about self discovery is a nice change

[@TNTo1]

Also not forcing stereotypes on yourself is hella based

[@KaiAfterKai]

You're not the first person to mention this. I wasn’t intending to mimick those kinds of videos, but I mean, if it gets people to click on it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Thanks for watching 👍🏽

[@C-Farsene_5]

What I expected: yet another attempt at fueling the gender wars What I got: insightful philosophy at the philosophy of gender

[@pyrogameiack5722]

Fuck it, full Roman armour

[@bunille]

The irony of this video... just tldr'd that if a guy doesn't wear a suit then he must not be a man within the first 3 minutes lol.

[@smugay]

What's so ironic about it?

[@bunille]

​@@smugay Hating stereotypes yet literally identifying as NB because of not being a male stereotype. That just further proves that he believes that if he doesn't dress like a male stereotype, then he hates his bane factual scientific existence... all because of not following a sexist stereotype he decided to go on about. I've repeated myself so if you won't understand, it's not within your mental capacity to. If you don't want to wear a suit, you're no less than a man or an inferior man, that's a really shallow and sexist way to caricaturise people. That's what he needs to know. Clothing doesn't change reality, and if you hate reality, chances are someone on the internet told you to think that. Men had long hair, wore makeup and dresses in the past... they were not women or NB or some mythical entity, they were men. Hating your sex because someone told you you're not a man if you grow out your hair, is disgusting. But then again people do anything to be relevant for internet attention nowadays. Men have always been infantilised and seen as non-men for liking less stereotypical stuff, and this is exactly that. Grooming self-hatred doesn't make it any better, no matter how much you hide behind and weaponise people who really do suffer from things. Being gay, for example, is something you're born as, you can't grow out of it and you can wear a potato suit and it won't change anything. Being NB just means you're not a stereotypical caricature, yet ARE the person who stereotypes to make a third category by diving the two sexes into stereotypes. A woman with short hair, no makeup, who likes football, and has everything manly about her, is a woman. A very feminine man who wears a skirt, is a man. This is dehumanising to treat them as not, don't let people brainwash you otherwise to 90s sexism of "if you're a woman you wear dresses" nonsense. Men in dresses are men (hopefully not a sexual fetish and merely a fashion choice), not separate special entities immune from reality and accountability. To see feminine men as non-men is so unironically 1900s. Don't believe every modern fad you believe on the internet, I know you're far in that rabbit hole of them trying to base gender on sexist stereotypes, though.

[@etasjo]

@@bunille i mostly agree with this but do you believe that theres actual trans people?

[@bunille]

​@@etasjo You mean people who hate themselves and a cult causes people to further hate themselves, and won't dare allow them to considering liking their real bodies? Hating your body during puberty is normal. SO normal, in fact. As I said before, stereotypes do not mean you're the opposite sex. A woman can cut her hair short, wear no makeup, have a flat chest and so forth and she's a woman. A man can be feminine and wear a dress, he's still a man. Now, if they hate their body parts so much, it's almost always because of one or more of these things: they're autistic, gay/lesbian, past sx trauma, or were exposed to pron at a young age. NB is made up and isn't remotely trans, especially when it's merely just a clothing choice. The nolife rates for people who hate their bodies only increase after surgery, and only increase over time once the honeymoon period wears off, like any addiction, and suddenly 10+ years down the line trans people become even worse than they've even felt before. This is true, and even the most true with people who have only been in an echochamber of self-hate affirmation their entire life. If all they ever got told was that their original body was wrong, disgusting, incorrect, etc... no sht sherlock, what would you think would happen? They're going to continue to always have that hatred of themselves, ALWAYS. And at this point, it's ingrained. To live a lie someone on the internet told you because they believed in sexist stereotypes and how you just fitted in the opposite sexist stereotype, that's obviously going to harm you. The truth will always reappear every now and then, you'll need to be a permanent medical patient, self-made, and even then your natural body will always try to reappear as your body takes its natural course of trying to keep healthy to fight your severely unhealthy mind. Middle-aged and older trans people are not going to have the same appearances as the delusions they want. Menopausal authentic women, for example, go through that natural process and may even develop facial hair. This is a WOMAN'S symptom. But it will prove that this man who believes he's a trans woman, is ill, precisely because he will see that stubble and immediately get "dysphoria", which again is a promoted self-hatred which seems to never get enough of that promotion. This isn't a female reaction. This is a man's reaction to what they believe a woman should and must be like. The same can be said for trans men who ironically have very feminine emotional responses to things, as trans women have very aggressive masculine responses to things. Sometimes, though, you can turn a woman into a domestic abuser with enough testosterone. You can't remove the aggression from an already aggressive man with merely oestrogen... women are more than one hormone. Unironically, the t in the trans men make them have mood swings, and the e in the trans women just makes their t more subdued. Each's hormones are still not comparable to that of a healthy self-developing man or woman. The trans men are menopausal at a kiddy age. To all women going through a natural process like that, it's not "dysphoric" to look like a man. If trans were to ever exist, then women would hate looking like guys, and guys would hate looking like women (outside of the way we treat femininity as "weakness" so the average man's been taught to be uncomfortable with it [because of bullying, not out of "fear of being a woman"]). But these people don't feel dysphoric looking like the opposite sex. It quite literally is a social construct. Do you know what that means? It means that it's made up. Ficticous. Why promote things that were made up for the sole purpose to make people hate themselves through confusion? Women are not just makeup and long hair, yes? Then why are the women who don't follow that on the far left all "not women", and all men on the far left who follow that are somehow "not men"? Transgenderism in its whole only makes sense if high heels = woman made any factual sense, but it doesn't. High heels were invented for men. Women who wear high heels aren't suddenly all men and vice versa. And hating yourself isn't even in the same category as the above. If you have your sxual body parts, then there's something sxual in your past or present that made you think that way. Maybe all the girls you see on the internet are hypersexualised, so you feel like you're not a woman. Maybe your father touched you badly, so now you feel like you're not a man. These are all issues with external problems that need resolving. And after that, the best remedy quite literally is self-love (in the very long term. The longer someone's taught to hate themselves, the more time it'll take [if they're in a self-hating echo chamber, healing is impossible]), we're way overdue that. I'm glad and still hope you're here to have a decent conversion. Everyone hates their sxual body parts in particular when growing up, especially around puberty. It's whether or not we promote that insecurity that leads it to this, on top of the other external issues that confuse this as I mentioned. You don't see no trans man go on about how at 3 they hated their lower body part so much they wanted to rip it off. For some reason it's only their chest at puberty (which is a very normal female reaction to the puberty). P.S. hating your body parts is pretty normal. I hated mine all the way up to a bit into adulthood, then I wisened up and started loving the authentic self, that I'm perfect the way I am and I am who I am, not the idealised fairytale version or who I imagined I could be and look like - unsurprisingly, I've now found great clothes, androgynous or feminine, which match the body I always hated, and now of all times is the time I love my body a lot more. I didn't need no surgery to do that - if you know anything about that, it's a self-defeating long-term addiction which always at the end of it leads to more insecurities. *Moral of the story: feeding or masking insecurities only creates insecurities to fester.* If people born with deformed limbs can do it, then we of all people with healthy body parts (proven by a doctor) and unhealthy mindsets (proven by a therapist), very much can, but we have been taught to not try. Not healing from the self-hatred because nobody was around to teach you to learn to embrace it, however, is just sad at the bare minimum.

[@etasjo]

@@bunille you seem to have very cemented views on this topic so a conversation would probably be very useless i just want to say that i have a medical condition which makes me very different from normal people

[@madgadgetss]

you are extremely based, i love u

[@KaiAfterKai]

🙏🏼🤍🙏🏼

[@zat5176]

Channel description checks out.

[@sockonarock]

I am liking this video as hard as I possibly can. Thank you!!

[@KaiAfterKai]

Thank YOU 🙏🏼

[@JoshFortune-nb8wz]

So your first argument was clothes.

[@Cord_Virus]

Dawg man wearing suits is like "if it isn't broke, don't fix it".

[@Yuti640]

i ain’t calling myself anything, i’m just me, keeps things simple

[@somber087]

Women in red carpets: 👗🥻👚💃✨️💖 Men: 🕴

[@EVONOPOLIS]

I don't like being a woman sometimes but I'm not always complaining about it and I'm not apart of the whole "feminism" crap, I just don't pretend to be somebody I'm not. All we can do as a human species is educate ourselves and enjoy every second of life before we all perish.

[@aqualucasYT]

Watched the video, title is a bit misleading tbh shouldn't it be "I hate being considered male" or "I hate having to be masculine"

[@KaiAfterKai]

Same difference in my eyes, but whatever, as long as the point comes across

[@reubensweetman732]

I feel the exact same almost all the time. It shouldn’t affect how I live but no one around me understands it. I really appreciate you being so brave and coming out here, especially at this time when I really need to see it. Thanks

[@KaiAfterKai]

I'm glad the video spoke to you. Best of luck in your life, and may you find someone who gets it 🙏🏼

[@ystava686]

Probably the best fallacy that applies is False Dilemma: presenting opposing options as the only two options while ignoring alternatives.

[@kenonerboy]

None of this matters if u dont give a shit about other ppls opinion. Just wear whatever.

[@genericineverything7619]

Literally just described gender nonconformity

[@kenonerboy]

@@genericineverything7619 its how i live my life. I just dont feel the need to explain myself or categorize myself.

[@clampchowder9569]

I've never really considered any of this gender stuff. Waste of thought. I'm a man though, I consider myself that because of my biological sex, and yeah a lot of societal stuff about gender has rubbed off on me and how I've grown up but like I don't really fit in with the stereotypical view of man as a gender in the way it's perceived in the modern day, but it's just so unimportant and meaningless to even think about this stuff and how it applies to me. I don't think I'm particularly alike with most male celebrities, because I'm a different person. I don't have to pretend I'm not a man to be myself and do whatever I want. There's a lot of very feminine men out there. I don't have a problem with your identity or position on this btw, I just don't really understand the point of saying you're not a man.

[@KaiAfterKai]

You don't understand it, and yet we do agree on one thing: all this gender stuff is indeed a waste of thought.

[@clampchowder9569]

@@KaiAfterKai Except you seem to be thinking about it a lot

[@fatschlong5818]

⁠@@clampchowder9569 the video from the onset is on how they are tired of genders importance and how they think something as complex as how someone identifies and relates to other people shouldn’t be constrained through being a “man”. Atleast that’s what I think it’s about. And if that’s the case their just making points on how they are tired about the concept of gender which requires thought about it lmao. so they can think it’s a waste of thought while still thinking about it to convey their point

[@rhumal]

"Waste of thought" "I just don't really understand" One leads to the other.

[@strategicstupidity6018]

thank you so much for this video! I've been thinking about gender as a concept a LOT recently, and a lot of what you've said reflects my own thoughts, and it helps me feel like I'm not the only one who thinks this way. At the end of the day, people are people, and I dont see the point of arbitrarily giving people societal categories, roles, or expectations. This often just causes discomfort and stress. Just act and dress the way you want! who cares whats in your pants, whatever makes you feel happy, loved, or attractive is enough. Happy pride everyone! ❤❤❤

[@spudsbuchlaw]

I'm so happy for you love. Keep slaying it. I loved your Eva video, and I'll check out your others when I can (bc spoilers) I'd love to see a video on other similar topics to your thoughts of gender, and going more in depth, or discussing more of other such weird and abstract thoughts, as I always love to hear what you have to say Congratulations!

[@hopelesslyoptimistic8231]

I respect your choices, and I’m glad more representation is coming out, but it feels like where there is more representation, people are trying to attack the ways of doing things. Why can’t we exist with who we want to be? Gender norms give me the foundation to look at and aspire to. I see great masculine men who are strong, protective, and kind, embodying everything I want to be, and I’m okay with that. We have to realize we all have different mentalities and stop trying to create this anarchistic hive mind where the establishment needs to be torn down. Acceptance goes both ways.

[@Tossler]

PREACH 🙏🙏

[@KaiAfterKai]

Like I said at the end, I acknowledge that there are many people who derive a very non-toxic security and comfort from gender, and I wouldn’t want to take that from them. This video was just largely about exploring my own personal relationship with gender.

[@Turai12]

The issue is when strict and limiting gender norms are seen as the only way.