"Luxury Dating" Is Dangerous | @Jouelzy

[@jouelzy]

Use JOUELZY55 to get 55% off your first month at Scentbird sbird.co/3tTjriD

[@KrispyKrunchee]

Sick of Scentbird not being available in SA…

[@_PixalatedCvnttery]

Luxury dating just sounds like a way to glamorize and camouflage pay to play culture. You are not getting flown out for a conversation and a free meal . I don’t care if you are the preference or the exception. There are to many stories of women losing they lives to get a bag but everybody always think the rules of the game don’t apply to them .

[@CammyjOfficial]

True. The whole concept just seems reckless and dangerous frfr.

[@TheSomethingnew1]

It’s high end prostitution or escort culture. Social media has been trying to change the definition and don’t even realize the danger behind it. I watched girls in college do this and it made me nervous 😩

[@ourvidskj]

I've had experiences with people I've known for a year to s few that have flown me out without expectations. They wanted to take me on a date and we lived in separate states. Simply a date and some just to hang out. I think It varies on the relationship and knowing who the person is.

[@ourvidskj]

I agree if it's with strangers it's weird but with folks you're in the know of. It's possible without I'll intentions.

[@DoraWinifred]

It just feels like sex work repackaged, it’s all transactional to get the bag you need to give up the 🐱

[@lotishh]

So here’s my take on this. I grew up very poor. During my college years, I aimed to date up. Dating men twice my age which now that I’m 23, is wild to think about. I was finessing men without having sex with them. I put myself in potentially dangerous situations. I was flown out once. Stayed at a hotel to feel safe but when he approached me about sex, he ghosted when I said no. Had I been dumb enough to not have my own money, coverage, and etc, I would’ve been lost and stranded in a city where I had no money or way to get home. Luckily I had my own funds. I don’t advise this and as a result of dating “up” I became not only uninterested in dating men altogether because I saw how ugly they can be, but I found that my standards are so high that regular men my age could not impress me anymore. I’m not that much older than most girls who do this, however I’ve learned a lot and when you think you are finessing these older men, they’re more than likely finessing you. They understand the power dynamic that they hold.At this point in my life I don’t even date anymore because I’m uninterested and my view of men is skewed. If you are going to date older men please make sure you are able to provide your own so that isn’t something that they can hold over your head. You truly make a sacrifice when you date these type of guys. I can only imagine being married and reliant on a man. The experience all together pushed me to become an engineer and now I make my own bread.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

I never did this but I know women who do. At the end of the day, what you experienced could also happen with men who are broke. Men act how they act and money empowers them to be their true, ugly selves. I’m happy that you got your own bread tho- bc you can’t trust anyone these days. Most women need to understand that having a man do things for you in the attempt of a “soft life” will indeed have you in a bad situation. We are adults, not kids

[@lotishh]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 exactly! This soft life aesthetic is built around patriarchy and being reliant on a male to provide. Many young girls in high school are now being exposed to this idea via tik tok and are actually ending up screwing themselves over because they begin to manifest that ideology into their own lives - preventing them from actually aiming to do more than being a trophy/housewife. Especially with the idea that you have to be part of the specific aesthetic as a black woman that you may not be able to live up to. I realized I wasn’t built to stroke the ego of men and stifling my personality and opinions to fit their perfect cookie-cutter idea of what a woman should be. Even the idea of changing yourself to be part of this feminine woman movement rather than who you truly are is stifling. There’s a difference between being feminine versus being conditioned to be submissive and male pleasing

[@brie1026]

Thx for sharing ur story. Have u found it difficult to study/work in engineering considering it's male-dominated?

[@lotishh]

@@brie1026 actually yes. I’m the only woman on my team. Most of my team are married and over the age of 40. I’m the youngest, the only woman, and black at that. I came from a medical background where I worked with women and this is actually a bit more refreshing since some of the women that I worked with who were middle-aged were catty and rude to me.. I’ve noticed that men are very straight to the point without much of the drama. However I find myself scared a bit to misstep or mess up since it might be hyper focused on since I am a black woman

[@DemureSpectabilis]

I think it *can* be a functional arrangement if the age gap is minimal and there’s an agreement that the partner will make more money for the operational costs of the household while the woman/femme pursues their passion projects/desired career, though it may be less lucrative. This doesn’t necessarily mean there would need to be a large income difference, but a couple could agree to share the household expenses this way so the woman/femme do a job that is less financially rewarding, but does a lot of good

[@Niatate]

My mother told me at 16 “nothing in life is free”. For those ladies to think these men spending all that money for nothing is beyond naive. Dangerous game

[@tiarajasmin1915]

Play stupid games win stupid prizes ig

[@simplymia3153]

Exactly, my dad told me the same thing when I was in my tween/teen years.

[@stopthelightskinguilt.3775]

We know this already…

[@luanne80]

Facts! Preach sis...I never got caught up with this due to my upbringing, especially my father schooling me about such expectations.

[@Animefreak242]

That's a terrible expectation. Prepping children to be prostitutes socially (conditioning kids to exchange sex for companionship) and professionally (trading your body and health for shit pay).

[@100Stratusfiedx]

Heavy on the sacrifice and the risk. I know BW are shamed for trying to achieve luxury on their own, but trusting a man to give you those perks without harm is unlikely

[@robynr3130]

@100Stratusfiedx "but trusting a man to give you those perks without harm is unlikely." ^^THIS

[@AIClaw22]

THIS!

[@drakedrones]

Finding a sugar daddy or sugar husband ALWAYS comes with a price. We must empower women or people with knowledge that being self reliant should be the first goal in life. Everything else will fall into place.

[@DemureSpectabilis]

Agreed! Also, by putting the onus of luxury experiences on men you don’t know, you can waste valuable time and money trying to look like enough of a prize for someone to give you nice things/experiences when it’s often much safer and easier to do it yourself. In addition, potential prospects who see you swimming in these circles on your own may be less likely to view you as a “gold digger” and more likely to see you as someone they can build with, since you got there on your own.

[@34uzz78]

How are bw shamed for trying to achieve luxury?

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Man, I just also think about the expectation of sex what comes with getting flown out. Not to mention how some of these men expect unprotected sex and then pass all manner of STIs… Thank you for also sharing your personal experience, sometimes I think people need that to understand that you’re coming from a place of love and skepticism. 💕💕💕

[@ThokoTwala]

The expectation of sex 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@annoyedbyyourface]

Hey, Khadija!!! (*insert fangirl wave*)

[@niaturner2137]

I just saw in one of my Facebook groups this woman had posted something along the lines of “If you don’t plan on sleeping with that man don’t go on vacation with him” and of course there was a lot of discourse in the comment section. On one side the argument it was if you’re paying you’re own way why are you expected to offer up your body to someone

[@Celestinewarbeck]

It’s so crazy how I was heavy into this lifestyle 5 years ago and it was something to be kept secret and not brag about because it was not too socially acceptable, now EVERYBODY want to participate in and normalize it. It’s interesting. When I was in the life, I thought I was all that, now looking back I can’t believe how much time I wasted being so invested in turning myself into some bimbo that collects a few crumbs and trinkets from men who have so much more than me. So embarrassing.

[@Sassysunset]

You live and you learn. And to your point, that’s what I hope the younger girls understand, these men may date and treat u well but they’re rarely ever pulling out the big racks to better ur life. ask em for a down payment on a home, or $$ for a business “crickets”

[@user-dv3kq3rm4h]

What was your turning point? Like, what made you realise it was shallow/pointless? I definitely had a baddie/bimbo phase many moons ago but was never hypergamous nor willing to be intimate with anybody. I just did it because I loved looking like a video vixen and enjoyed being courted in a very PG manner. I actually prefer being invisible to most men now- at my 'baddest' the public harassment from men was horrible.

[@BreakOrbit03]

If you don't mind responding (it's alright if not) how often were sexual favors required of you? Because there seems to be the belief that men won't ask of these things if you're a high value woman and recognize your worth.. And I don't think that's necessarily true because....men lol.

[@bonita-u9ve]

That's what I heard that because reality TV was pushing it and the internet fulfilled it . Of course if you getting offers to fly you out to somewhere then that's a paid vacation . You are expected to be available as an escort but it's not stipulated to have to pay them back. . Alot of unwritten rules and it's unregulated . If I'm invited to the spot but pay for my own ticket and travel then I'm not obligated to maintain anything . I hope they don't put me in the rooms that smell of bussy

[@Celestinewarbeck]

@@user-dv3kq3rm4h hmmmmm. Well it was a few things. One was discovering this KZbinr named Salkis Re. She talk about how chasing beauty is a constant source of anxiety, depression, and mental instability for women. The other was me questioning myself like “How can I say I’m this empowered, bad beesh, goddess etc etc when what I’m doing is playing right into patriarchy and delivering 🐱 to men on a platter.” And then asking myself do I really want to put all that effort into hopefully attracting a rich husband/bf and knowing in the back of my mind that it’s HIS money. Just a lot of things I experienced around these type of men and ,as arrogant as it sounds, realizing they are not better than me so why am I putting on this dance for them and bowing at the feet of men who truly are lesser than me in the hopes of a trip, cash, and some bills paid? It was me realizing there was nothing feminist or empowering about what I was doing because the men gained far more from the exchanges than me.

[@Ebene313]

I remember my Co worker warning me when I was like 24 or 25 to not let someone send me home in an uber because thats how guys get your address. There was a guy who was very persistent about walking me home or taking the train together or paying for my uber. His boundaries were off so I always kept a guard up but I was nice to him. I used to give hugs but I was having a bad day at work so I felt like staying to myself. He grabbed me so hard and turned me around so fast my eyes were spinning and he just hugged me. I dont know if he thought that was romantic but I stopped being nice to men at the job and stuck to the older women

[@ToriUptown]

you def can’t be nice to men at work!! they are the worst 😭

[@Kinksgalore]

I had an old black woman try to pressure me to go home with her for 5 hrs. She random ask where I live and that she really want to give me a ride home. After telling me I have a sexy body while thinking I was a shy, quiet teenage. Please be just as cautious with women as with men.

[@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade]

Same! Mine was this creepy white guy. Everyone thought it was funny how he acted towards me BUT that ish wasn’t funny to me… anyways, I told our manager that he made me uncomfortable and they transferred him

[@BeLikeNyaTV]

@@Kinksgalore Chile we definitely don’t talk about how predatory women can be !!!

[@SDeeze]

@@BeLikeNyaTV !!!!!!

[@jodine90]

Something that always seems like a red flag to me: if I mention wanting to be careful or safe and you laugh at me or get defensive/offended, I'm out. Platonic or romantic, my standards for relationships is not being around anyone who doesn't take my safety seriously. It shouldn't kill the mood for me to be honest and if it does that's fine, I'll just exit stage left. 'Nah, I don't know you like that let's do this instead', 'Hmm I understand why you'd want to do that but I'm worried about x, y, z', 'I can drive myself, no big'... these are not taunting or demeaning, they are quick ways for me to feel safer in a world that regularly unalives Black women. I've noticed how my favorite people will be like 'Yeah, you're right' and just keep the conversation going (or even better, they proactively prioritize my safety w/o me asking!) and those are the people I spend time with.

[@SmallBobby]

❤

[@ms.sharpe8820]

Love this. I’m this way too

[@DemureSpectabilis]

THIS! I briefly went out with a guy who mocked my boundaries on the third date. I knew then dude had to go, and I woke up to him unmatching me on the app the next day. I’m glad I didn’t betray myself to keep him comfortable. Others may not get it, but you owe yourself first.

[@creamycazz1]

I love this! So true. Had to break up with my ex over my lack of safety… can’t believe I even agreed to be his gf! From his driving, to getting drunk & leaving me by myself (in another country mind you). Right there I broke up with him on the spot. No more playing with these fools who don’t take any woman’s concerns seriously!

[@flowerjpotter1629]

The awful thing is you can think you are safe, and the other person is giving out the right signals, saying all the right things, you might have even been friends for years and have every reason to trust them because so far they've been good people. But ... There are always going to be some out there, men AND women who are going to shock the living daylights out if you and take what they want when they see the opportunity they have been waiting for. Am not talking about designer handbags as payment for favours here. Am talking about being safe around people . I was date R by a man in my home, by someone i'd been friends with for years, who had always been gentle and caring. It was a real shock and happened so fast. It made me jumpy around men for years, even boyfriends. Just be very aware of your boundaries being pushed and be aware of your environment. Don't go anywhere you feel trapped or unsafe about, listen to your gut. If something awful ever happens to you don't take it out on yourself and watch for little digs from other people because when you confide in a person you trust about that kind of experience you can end up finding out what they really think of you. Sorry, I know I sound jaded but the 3 people closest to me at the time all said it was my own fault, but they all had agendas, a relative, my (then) best friend of 20 years and ex-husband. The relative pretended they never said that and the other two I stopped wanting in my life soon after. I didn't go to the police but I went to my doctor the next day who advised me to go to the police but even though I had bruises it would be my word against his so I chose not to.

[@sanaishere18]

My mom has always told me “a man that can feed you can also starve you”. And I never got what she meant when I was younger but now that I’m older, I understand. I make my own money now so I will never have to rely on a man and can leave him anytime I want if something goes south. She was stuck in an abusive relationship for years before she met my dad because she had no job or money.

[@MissTee736]

When you are young you don’t have the experience, to know that these older men are displaying predatory behavior traits. They are beautiful and made to feel special. It happened to me at a very young age. I learned quickly that I didn’t want anyone ever having that type of control over me. So I got my stuff together and afforded my own lifestyle. Encouraged the women around me to do the same. I have a younger sister and when she was in college. I gave her money for trips and all the credit cards she wanted. So she would not have to fall prey to these types of men. Lastly no I would not allow a man to pick me up on a first date at my home. Nowadays people are to controlling and unstable. That’s my advice to non married folks.

[@AlexciaWHY]

You’re an amazing sister! God bless you for supporting her like that!! That’s what we need. Wish somebody did that for me. Bless ❤

[@brie1026]

"I got my stuff together and afforded my own lifestyle" --> I'm still working on this 😖

[@summeretry251]

My dad took me traveling every summer as a young girl so I wasn't swept up into the manipulation of being "flewed out" by men. I've already been there babes, you not flyin me nowhere. I'm blessed to have had the means to grow up that way.

[@bunchielove6893]

@@summeretry251 Same here. My dad set that bar high.

[@Shalondria]

You make me want to be a better sister. I’m glad you exist and your little sister is so lucky to have you!

[@selenadesanti4920]

I just recently got out of a relationship like this… My “high value man” was very controlling and felt entitled to my body because he was paying. I asked him not to do things sexually to me and he did it anyways. He commented on the outfits I wore and told me I’m not wearing what I want to wear. It’s crazy how men can manipulate you when they are providing for you. I know we all think it could never be us but trust me ladies, You have to be cautious. I never thought I’d be in a situation like that and I’m so grateful I’m finally out.

[@Kinksgalore]

Everything we learned as kids works as adults.👩🏾‍🏫 1. Don't tell strangers your real name. 2. Never get into a car (child lock) home of a stranger. Once you get in you don't control the narrative. 3. Don't take candy, money, rides aka love bombing from strangers 4. Don't go to unknown locations/buildings. Don't date men who can't find their own ride. 5. Don't put your hands on anyone. Your body is NOT up discussion. 6. You can always go home and you don't own anyone grace. 7. You know his/her face but you don't know the character. You don't own anyone a friendly chance. 8. If your friends jump off a bridge. . . A lot of women are desperate trash so how another female move has nothing to do with YOU. Some women are traffickers. 9. Where are your parents? Don't tell people about your moneyor about your car. Anyone w/a sad story say sorry but where yo mama/daddy at?

[@zzandmorezs8008]

Well said.

[@drehardin]

💪🏾

[@ToriUptown]

i am not a dater and I just think that this trend to go on dates with random men just bc they have money (or seem to have money) speaks to larger, internal issues these women/men have. i know some women like this and they are a mess. and participate in dangerous activities like flying out to strangers.

[@yunglynda1326]

i feel this

[@vrichards4363]

Safety first. Bc I do know a number of creeps that are well off. And you worked in the music industry so you KNOW the vibes. Gives freely take freely. It's definitely important to have back up. Don't leave yourself vulnerable. Go out have fun but look out for yourself. I give myself the soft life. I give myself luxury. Therefore I am not desperate to fit in. It really is about self care and confidence.

[@ashleynewenle3676]

I’m so glad you made this. I did it once and sure enough the grape followed. I think it’s way too glamorized the same way being a sugar baby is. It’s not safe and I really hope that as a collective we can stop aspiring for the fantasy of “luxury dating” and being a “sugar baby”

[@andreadeveaux4727]

I date unapologetically hypergamous but it’s not for the weak or the naive. I had to learn some hard lessons in my 20s but I’m my 30s I have learned to vet viciously and how to severe the situation quickly if it’s harmful. Also, this Tik Tok era is actually pretty basic and low level. I keep a carefully curated social media and a low profile. Real bosses and men of means watch for this. The date is where you collect data. Not flex. Far too many of these young ladies haven’t had nice things and it shows. Even if you aren’t used to nice things, act as though you do. Even with the most powerful men, you’ve got to be strategic and always have your own. Always.

[@robynr3130]

@Andrea Deveaux "Far too many of these young ladies haven’t had nice things and it shows." "...and always have your own. Always." ^^THIS!!!!!

[@Celestinewarbeck]

Been there done that. However you spin it it’s prostitution, and energy could be better spent on other endeavors

[@dahtcrazychiik]

Genuine question, have these men offered marriage? Because what is your end goal of dating hypergamously?

[@dahtcrazychiik]

@@waterbottleart2662 I get this but the whole point of hypergamy is marrying into a higher social status, that’s the end game. So, I’m curious to see whether that is still attained through just dating.

[@gmfr2762]

@@Celestinewarbeck Bit weird to say this, she is dating them. Are you a prostitute for dating broke men or regular men too? Do you think wealthy men don't date? Women who choose to only date wealthy men are not prostitutes or escorts, they're just regular girls dating, but instead of caring about let's say height, they care about money/status. That's very different than these young girls who are desperate for a designer bag and are blindly getting used.

[@Hannah-pq2hg]

When I eventually come around to understanding that some of these folks doing luxury dating are juniors/seniors in college or just graduated college and their online persona revolves mostly around being pretty and dating-they’ve barely arrived to their next life and looks like your online footprint can become claustrophobic if every time you open that camera you only refer to yourself as someone aloof to how we are or have been/could be susceptible to harm. And then having younger people try to imagine themselves in this lifestyle with no checks/balances on how your videos circulate beyond you and people like you, no mention of your own safeguards, is ethically thready for me. I get being that age and attracted to full grown men, but when you have no reference points for dating older men and all you have is desire and an aesthetic that can make it possible, it seems like a recipe for years of therapy.

[@TheRayvolution]

Ohhhh there’s a BUNCH of 30 to 40 something’s doing it. IG is littered with career women talking about getting Flown out. All they do is post is trips and bags. It’s wild.

[@leelee6946]

“Anyone that gives freely, takes freely.” That’s a word!

[@junie4146]

"People that give freely, will take freely" - wow, how sobering. As always, so thought-provoking. Incredible content Jouelzy 👌🏿

[@robynr3130]

@Junie "And may take without asking." Don't forget that most important part!

[@MissOJAY]

Riiiight! this line was such a jewel drop and had me get up and look for someone else who heard it.

[@jaesys]

This statement *sounds* good, but if it were true many more women (the overachievers when it comes to giving freely), would feel much more reciprocity in relationships because- according to this phrase- they'd simply take from their partners what they give.

[@powellkatie123]

how sobering 😭😭

[@bltpod]

Phew! That shook me. What video did she do that talked about that "grape" incident? That's horrifying.

[@princessm8977]

This is why I want to meet my partner through mutual friends. I can't do strangers online, I need someone I trust who knows him and endorses him.

[@nichelleniks4526]

That is truly the best thing to do. Met my soulmate that way. He grew up with one of my homeboys from college (more like a brother, tbh, one of the kindest most trustworthy men I've ever met), we were introduced and it all flowed from there. If you can meet someone through your trusted connections, then make that the goal.

[@yunglynda1326]

same here

[@kolaoshun6298]

Even meeting people via mutual friends can go wrong. Just be safe no matter what.

[@tomaitoe]

The line between "luxury dating" and escorting is incredibly thin. There is a power imbalance in both instances that make it difficult for the woman in either scenario to come away unharmed. The key thing is to have your own. Don't go on a date with a man if you can't afford to pay for the meal, pay for your transportation and get away if need be. That's true for any kind of date, but especially one where the person is overtly attempting to buy your time and attention.

[@LM-he7eb]

@@jnorth YEP. He should know exactly where you work, which school you go to, where your parents live. You shouldn't going back to his place & you should be vetting him. Have the money to pay for whatever you ordered & ever underestimate the power that person holds. There should always be 2 friends/family members (with meaning resources) that should always always know where you are & be able to help. Let him fly in & have dates in your own city. This should apply to all men, rich or poor, white or otherwise

[@squirrelsinmykoolaid]

Thank you for making this video. Many people dont know that financial abuse is a tell tale tactic often used by domestic abusers in romantic relationships. This type of dating is dangerous indeed

[@joeym.4501]

It’s like a spectrum. There’s struggle love, eff boys, luxury dating, hypergamy, celibacy, staying single, divorcee, single parent, monogamous, non monogamous, lgbt+, etc. No matter what is chosen, the bulk of the risk is typically attached to female presenting bodies because of the patriarchy. In this cause, luxury dating seems to be an escape from the alternatives as the better option to some. However, we all can end up with the same fate.

[@exjehooberdubexpiobeezleeb6269]

This right here. And I wanted to like this video but I find it disingenuous to mention Lauren but not the many many black women being taken out by black men (many more than by white men). Caution needs to be exercised all around.

[@xshesyourqorqeousxx3]

@@exjehooberdubexpiobeezleeb6269 she didn’t mention the BW being taken out by BM? Lol that’s for this comment cause I know not to continue the video. I’m 8 & 1/2 minutes in and it seems more of a “why not date white men vid”.

[@exjehooberdubexpiobeezleeb6269]

@@xshesyourqorqeousxx3 no mention whatsoever..

[@SmallBobby]

great perspective! ❤

[@anbonner17]

❤️ your comment!

[@breannajoseph2018]

I think content like that becomes so much more insidious when you realize people are making money off possibly putting other women in harmful situations. It pays to sell a dream and not mention any precautions. It pays to create a mirage.

[@PresidentIsraa]

That part

[@Sassysunset]

All of this. The thing ppl seem to also forget is ppl with money are going to spend it and spending it doesn’t = they value you. It’s no different than paying for some level of convenience if you got it eg (cleaning service, at home pedicure etc). There’s so many layers to this topic and I just hope woman understand the need to always prioritize their safety and know their bottom line. You can have a man flying u out, taking u out etc because it benefits them to a degree when it’s time to have someone invest in ur business or bail out of some shit, it’s a different story.

[@ghenetwellness4780]

That last sentence though.....

[@thePLAINESTjane]

I agree with this video 1000%! Lately, there does seem to be an influx of content creators somewhat coaching women on how to score wealthy or ‘High Value Men’. I get a huge sense of “here’s what I did, you can do it too; now, *go get ‘em girls!”* Like wait a minute, you’re pushing them into a pool of danger with no safety measures or precautions. Seems very pimpish + predatory to completely exclude worst case scenarios when trying to win big or ‘achieve’ the prize of a wealthy man/lifestyle. You know, the way casinos market to average people “win up to $250,000” while you (the consumer) still have to keep in mind to gamble responsibly.

[@Hintedbymarina]

YES!

[@dlc2479]

Also, the ones who are promoting SAHM or SAGF life never address the fact that they are often working - just on social media as influencers. They do brand deals and ads just like any other influencer. I understand that they may be using social media to be their backup plan but that's a key piece of information that they should give to their followers!

[@starrjohnson1327]

@@dlc2479 there's a woman I watch. She calls herself a high earning stay at home mom. Huh? I'm confused because she's a dating coach too. And she has children. There's no way she can homeschool while she's working 3 other jobs😑. Some of these "social media influencers" lie so much!

[@ByteMwen]

When men offer to send me a car or send me home in one, I only accept if the date is far from home. When I do accept, I give them the address of a large apartment complex that’s close to my home and I then take an uber home from there or take an uber there to wait.

[@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade]

That’s smart!! I usually give the address for the Publix near my house😁 I dated someone for almost 6 months and he didn’t know where I lived… safety first!

[@ayanomar1408]

Smart! that way even if he finds out where the uber dropped u off, you dobt live there👌🏾

[@Lucismyname]

This is as old as time but each generation thinks they're doing something different. The difference now is that we give everything a term (like luxury dating) which gives an impression of something new The women involved only share the glamorous part and not the darker elements, the only difference is that they're sharing on social media to a wide audience instead of just sharing their stories with the friends and acquaintances. Sadly those who've bought into it, don't want to hear anything that goes against the glamour because they think they're different. Rinse and repeat

[@GreatGospel97]

Luxury luxury luxury. It’s getting annoying and I hope this trend dies soon dude. It’s so performative and harmful. Amazing video as per!

[@tallycally]

Exactly. Moreover, it's so childish, this seduction through images/pictures. All you're being shown, are a bunch of images, either static or moving, that you're supposed to worship and covet. Pictures of shoes, jewelry, people eating fine foods.. it is so stupid...

[@anissa2361]

@@tallycally This! It's becoming too much.

[@theklr]

The algorithm is gonna keep this going at least until the next presidential election. So, sorry.

[@Destiny-nz5yg]

I find this is better than the decades of promotion of struggle. Hopefully this doesn’t end up as a simple trend but what more black women strive for off camera, dating up and not struggling.

[@creamycazz1]

@@Destiny-nz5yg Very well said!

[@stepmaster9988]

Great messaging! Girls need to absorb this before they leave high school. Even if it’s your husband have your bag and do whatever it takes to have a sustainable source of income and dignity outside the home or the man in your life. Marriage doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a risk to be economically vulnerable and that leads to other risk factors that only get higher the longer you’re in an unequal relationship. An employee is never the equal of her employer 💕

[@DelayedNotDenied]

Love that last line and will be using it henceforward.

[@hollaatthekid1796]

I’m married since 1999. Never dated in these Internet streets. But recently heard a short story on KZbin from Tiktok of a young lady who on a second date was asked to go to her dates home so he could cook for her. He told her the food was vegan and she found out the next day , sick in the hospital, the food she ate was absolutely NOT vegan. Matter of fact the cops had to go to his home to investigate where he got what he fed her and found that where he took her was a now empty Air BNB. People are more than weird, they crazy. How things go now a days women should think people are crazy until proven sane to protect themselves. And to bump the date experience up to what you talkin about I immediately question, what for? Why? I wouldn’t trust any of the luxury dating. It’s too risky. To many of us missing outside of a dating situation, just going to work or home from the grocery and not enough ruckus is raised for the already missing.

[@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade]

Chile!! I saw a movie where the person “house” was an air bnb… that wouldn’t fly with me, I’m too nosy If someone tell me that they own property, I always go in the county property appraisers website to verify AND if they don’t own then I still check on those “verify/background” websites. They’re usually free for 14 days. So I use them, cancel and sign up again whenever I need it

[@lotishh]

I absolutely do not go to a man’s house who want to “cook” for me. It’s like a gateway for them to poison you, drug you, and have their way with you. No sane man should even offer tbh

[@hollaatthekid1796]

@@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade girl! The food he gave her was not animal meat, it was hum@n. From how I understood the story, he rented under fake info, she didn’t know it was not his home. Police told her when they were searching for him.

[@tawannasteele4534]

WoW 😮…

[@ms.sharpe8820]

I remember talking to someone I met on a dating app and deciding to go out together 1 evening. I told him I’ll meet him there and we literally had a 20 minute debate on why he thought I should NOT take my car and I should ride with him. I made reasonable points on why I need to take my own car and yet he disregarded every single reason with a comeback. I never met him and never spoke to him again. That’s a red flag 🚩This doesn’t seem like much to share but who knows what could of happened. Please take care of yourselves ladies 💕

[@whatsonhermind1768]

Good 👍

[@84tahlia]

It means a lot sharing this because it could help a young person who is in this situation themselves. I’m glad you are still here to share.

[@CometianGoddess]

I let a dude pick me up 1 time and he ruined it for any other men after. Drove myself to the dates from them on.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Yikes. That dismissal of your safety........ absolutely a red flag.

[@asiablackgrl6482]

Thank you for calling this out. Ladies, please be safe out here and able to provide for yourself. Also, remember what you see on the internet is not always real 🤔

[@tawannasteele4534]

Dat part period

[@AlexanderRi4408]

I LOVE that Jouelzy openly discusses this. I know that this is for Black women, but tbh this same thing happens SO much in Black gay male spaces as well. There are so many “relationships” that young gay Black men have with significantly older white men who have some modicum of money or wealth. So many of the same dynamics you described Jouelzy are also in effect in our community, and unfortunately it’s still too often glamorized without discussing the dangers in power differentials or a transactional relationship. If you knew the number of white gay men in their 40s & 50s with Black or Latino partners in their barely 20s it would make your head spin. It is flat out predatory as far as I’m concerned. Thanks so much for always talking about this openly!

[@angelar.5683]

This! I feel like I've seen a lot of these "relationships" and have always found them disturbing. but since I'm a straight Black woman, never thought it was my place to say anything... But definitely always felt like older white males have a tendency to prey on young Black and brown men and it's very creepy and seems dangerous af!

[@Ray-pp5qb]

100% facts. Think about how many Ed Bucks there have been who have never been caught.

[@courtneywitherspoon8584]

Wow, thanks for sharing that. I've never considered that perspective.

[@shekwaga]

Thanks for speaking on this.

[@lavellelee5734]

@@angelar.5683 Hmmm where have you seen this?

[@Bawdybybee]

I myself have participated in luxury dating and desired until I realized, “why am I desiring this? Is the outcome benefiting me?” A lot of lifestyles are glamorous forms of hyper-capitalism and patriarchy that only black women get the rubbish of in the end run. While I enjoy dating men with means, I can do it all for myself which opened my eyes to many pitfalls. I’ve learned lessons, and These young women like me will to, hopefully sooner than later.

[@AmanirenaII]

You're absolutely right. The gworls need to think about the worst case scenario and plan accordingly, cause shit can go south quick.

[@electrogreenchic2012]

Thanks for highlighting how soft life is low-key patriarchy sometimes if not analyzed. I can't play the role it takes to support a successful man's ego- could you imagine after seeing how entitled the broke men are?!?

[@NdathieMucii]

Narcissism, bashing and just being horrible to you. Your opinion doesn’t matter to them. Even if you love him and care. Money can’t buy love. Money only buys material things but nothing in you can be bought. We’re empty

[@Dibi-wx5yp]

Jouelzy, you nailed it. All I can say is internet culture definitely plays a big role here, and so does the way that we socialize gender for young men and women. I also had an instance where a 'very nice man with means' wanted to treat me. I wound up at his apartment, and thankfully, I listened to my instincts and made the quickest excuse to get out of there when I realized he might be a predator. I feel like I was lucky there, but I was shaken and I stopped dating for a while. I am now happily in love in a 10 year relationship because I took my time when I re-started dating. For any woman reading this, please take your time with giving away your privacy to a man. He doesn't need to know where you live, buy you big fancy gifts, or test any of your boundaries to get to know you.

[@Musiclovermo143]

This is the best comment! Especially the last sentence

[@jessj953]

I realized very early on that I would rather spend 40 hours securing a guaranteed bag on my own before I spend 30 hours on a “maybe, let me see what I can do” conditional bag.

[@KaRaBelli981]

This was a good video. I wish someone told me in my youth “Those who give freely take freely”. Because I know the dangers of Luxury Dating I tend to scroll past those videos. Saying anything gets you labeled jealous and I like to be low key and not have a ton of strangers bombard my comment section.

[@Quiteinfamous]

As a once upon a time “pretty girl” you have to realize your currency really can’t be your looks. You get in an accident and your “career” is over. I saw men hanging in the wings at high end parties waiting for someone to swipe up. It’s predatory, but it’s also so easy. But easy doesn’t mean sustainable and I wanted people to like my mind not just my looks. I have seen people do this kind of currency but the people I had to be surrounded by was truly harmful to my mental health and my view of myself. I say this for myself but I know a girl who followed the path through to be a 3rd wife of a Dubai man and now has a lingerie store in the most expensive mall in Dubai. But she’s surrounded by shady characters, a Nigerian woman with a Nigerian husband who works closely with China & Russia 👀. In what way? Idek but I know that’s not for meeee. Let me close with this as a black woman who has been around billionaires. Billionaires or real successful rich men don’t throw cash around! They don’t drive yellow lambos or throw thousands at strippers. Real billionaires are “low key” they don’t flash their wealth because they have nothing to prove and don’t care to show. The showy ones have to keep up appearances. That’s it, go forth and prosper y’all

[@sd8150]

Thank you for this comment!

[@tonidaleyofficial]

A tale as old as time. Nothing has changed......we just all have social media now.

[@AnonYmous-tr4cu]

FACTS. Lot of these girls know think they re-invented the wheel. Girl, women before you figured this out a long time ago… it’s always the same! Go find you a husband and earn yourselves a keep with your self respect in tact..

[@hunnibabbe]

The thing that bothers me about this conversation is that luxury is 1. often defined rigidly and opts to put whiteness at the center, 2. demonized especially when black women are introduced to the conversation. While I agree that the glamorization is dangerous, the transactional nature of dating can happen no matter what tax bracket you’re dating within. A man paying for a 20 dollar date will expect the same as a man paying for 1000 flight. The issue is the entitlement of these suitors and thats where the focus should be. To say that women should be wary of the dangers of “luxury dating” is lazy at best and hater-esque at worst because luxury isn’t the main issue and women should be allowed and even encouraged to embrace the softness and luxury of life. Provided by a man or not. The dangers mentioned in this video and by others are valid, but not solely because of the luxury aspect.

[@tonibernard3365]

💯💯💯💯

[@macummings7818]

The luxury aspect is the FOCUS of the conversation because it is a new trend The desire for luxury and "the bag" is driving the behaviors that Jouelzy is describing as risky - therefore the luxury has to be discussed since it is the draw for this subculture of women. Do you get it?

[@whatsonhermind1768]

Good point

[@hunnibabbe]

@@macummings7818 Right, but the common link btwn those behaviors is centered around the nature of the suitors and growing attitude of entitlement from men - whether it stems from finances or courting in general. I understand why she put a focus on luxury, but it was unnecessary because these are issues within the dating scene period. Luxury isn’t the enemy and black women especially shouldn’t be influenced to believe such. Do you understand?

[@hunnibabbe]

Also nothing about luxury is trendy dldksks Traditionally women married for status/financial stability, the trendy thing is marrying for love which gained popularity around our grandparents’ generation - at least from my perspective.

[@mst7458]

I've noticed that many men with means do not have a moral compass. Look at Bill Cosby, Rick Ross, Ceelo Green, trey songs. Men with means who don't need to drug women to have sex but do it anyway for the power it gives them.

[@gz5405]

YES! “Abuse of power comes as no surprise.” What is money if not power? and of course the old quote “Everything is about sex, except sex, which is about power.”

[@kerzyperzy1]

This is a much needed convo. In relationships, specifically in the US, money IS power. So if someone has significantly more than you, they WILL use it to their advantage, no matter how "nice" they are. Most people marry and date within their tax bracket, so when you encounter someone who only seems to date or entertain people who make far less than them, there's a reason, and the reason isn't to benefit you. N yes, you do have the occasional situation where someone marries up, but they oftentimes have to sacrifice a LOT (a lot of times their own career) to do so. Everything comes with a price. As someone who's witnessed friends participate in the "sugar baby" lifestyle and the messed up stuff they had to through for a couple bags and getting their rent paid - not to mention the long term emotional and mental scarring it's left them with - I would NOT recommend getting involved in it, but, if it's something you feel like you're built for and really want to try, I 100% recommend finding someone who does it and is SUCCESSFUL at it. This is more than likely going to be someone older and experienced, discreet, and preferably recommended by someone you know. The issue with a lot of these tik tokers and social media stars is these girls are young and / or in-experienced and are pulling dangerous stunts with these men for social media fame. Hence causing the further grooming of they oftentimes younger and more impressionable audience. This can lead to WAY more trouble and put so many women in dangerous situations. I'm glad people are finally starting to talk about just how problematic the presentation of this "dating" style can be.

[@LuvG0ddess]

My grandma always told me to make sure I have my own car fare. I’d hope if the ladies are getting flewed out that they have the ability to get back home! I thought that was a known thing, no??

[@E_MZ_]

Right. The naïveté here is astounding

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

Honestly my current boyfriend was the only one who took me out on nice dates and on vacation. My previous dating experiences were absolutely HORRIBLE. I was a victim of SA when I was casually dating, I also was used for money by my broke ex, my ex’s disrespected me and called me out my name despite me helping them, and I was cheated on by my ex. I do like to hear from other women’s perspectives who have that experience dating different men take them out on luxury dates.

[@mamboawasum-henry4980]

I’m happy that you’re currently being treated well love

[@homebody61]

I’m happy for you and pray that all continues to go well.

[@Marz859]

I think the problem is doing this with people you don’t know. Luxury dating is for people you’ve gotten to know and feel comfortable with.

[@loveshinae]

I had a friend (we are no longer friends), I used to warn about being too trusting. She was always giving out her address to guys she just met online. They would talk 2-3 days. I remember one guy , who lived 30+ mins away, picked her up and took her straight to his apartment, instead of the movies. Another guy, who lived 1.5 hours away, drove to meet her after talking to get for a few days. I told her he sounded too eager and to be careful, that eagerness will quickly fizzle out. And it did. I had to leave her alone because she was stressing me out with these unwise decisions. Also for other reasons.

[@tiarajasmin1915]

Ooo what's the other reasons?

[@loveshinae]

@@tiarajasmin1915 lmao, she acted like she was in competition with me. I noticed myself dulling my shine because she couldn’t be happy for my success , but I was always supporting her. She tried to look down upon me because she came from a 2 parent household and didn’t grow up in an apartment. I was never insecure about that but I didn’t like her comments about it and had to confront her about it. She thought she was smarter than me and thought she had explain common things like ,” orientation, “ to me. I was always inviting her to do things, she never invited me. She stressed me out with her dating choices and doing so much for bums. For example, she entertained having a baby for a bum with 7 kids and couldn’t even afford his rent and bills, that she was paying for. Or faking a pregnancy to get the attention of a guy who called her ugly. She hated my bf before even meeting him. I never said anything bad about him. She was mad that she was single and I wasn’t. Every guy that I liked and would mutually flirt with, she would always tell me how they were flirting with her when I wasn’t around. The finely straw was when she went off on me for being successful in getting pregnant with my bf, despite knowing that we had been trying for several months . Also after knowing that we wanted to experience parenthood again , after out daughter had passed away. So when I told her we were trying again, she started taking prenatals and was looking into nearby sperm banks, so she could get pregnant before me. So after telling her, she snapped and said everyone ( her friends) has someone but her. And that I had the nerve to have a baby on the way. I wish I would have dropped her years ago , but I was looking at longevity over quality. It’s a lot more to it than this. But unfriending her has really gained me my peace.

[@kjb3221]

@@loveshinae Damn… yeah, I’m glad you got out of that tumultuous friendship. She probably found comfort with thinking you were beneath her but when *you* didn’t act nor feel insecure, it pressed her buttons smh

[@amberaishaa]

my dad told me growing up that taking things from men they will expect something in return

[@amberaishaa]

@@RedRose01289 right i never said give it to them. my point still remains that usually they EXPECT something. that’s all. whether it’s more of your time, sex, control you whatever it may be

[@amberaishaa]

@@RedRose01289 i’m confused as to why i couldn’t say it when that was the topic of the video. you proving my point even more…and i’m happy that works for you! i’m also confused as to where i said i had a problem dating? all i said was my dad said men want something in return. that’s it...

[@iTerriJay]

I remember going to meet up with this guy I met online (for the first time) when I was 21. He was really nice and chill. I thought I was being smart by sending my friends my location and room number. Nothing bad or weird happened. But he told me to NEVER do that again ! He said that all men are not like him and things could’ve gone left for me. It opened my eyes so much.

[@McMoldys]

Definitely happens in the gay community as well. Of course with different social forces at work. But i’ve been in a situation like this before with a doctor. Up to now I don’t know if I was sexually coerced or not. Grindr is its own cesspool of trauma.

[@Ray-pp5qb]

two words: ED BUCK

[@galaxylucia1898]

Hey I’m sorry that happened to you. If it wasn’t a resounded and enthusiastic YES! then any type of sexual activity/encounter can be traumatic. I hope you have someone you can get counseling with or just to talk to. Stay safe🙏🏾

[@thaismitraud6901]

Thank you for speaking on this. I personally know women who were targetted by sex traffickers and this is the kind of thing they were promised. "You just have to go on dates with weathy men on beautiful locations, it's much fun etcetc".

[@killawattz9773]

Something I also feel like we don’t talk about enough dating in this time and age, is what it looks like to be a certain age. I feel like a A lot of people tend to forget what it means to be in your 20s, a lot of these men that they are looking forward to be well-established and high earning or pack with resources are usually men that are not the same age as them. And while I get it that’s frustrating, sometimes you have to take a good look at not only your prospects but yourself, and get a humble reminder that you yourself have a lot of work to do especially if you want to be able to be in the room with the men that you were trying to get it. Whether they’re you’re age or not. Not to say that women can’t marry or date above their own tax bracket or life experience but that comes with a lot of give-and-take and different power dynamics.

[@wrldprincess]

I was just talking to a friend about this concept...and of course you broke it down perfectly

[@HalimaSJW]

It’s giving sugar baby with not enough couth to not get hurt …and it’s so dangerous. So so dangerous . Flying out?? Like men aren’t cruel??? Ugh.

[@sierrasurreal]

I’m not even done with the video and I’m already terrified. I didn’t know this type of behavior was being recommended to young women. This is dangerous!!! I don’t have the stats but, I’m sure women being assaulted on dates is one the most common ways women are attacked. You always give level headed commentary on this wild terrain that is the Wild Wild Web. Thank you for making this video and sharing your story.

[@tomaitoe]

Call me a conspiracy theorist but I firmly believe these girls have been groomed for escorting. These girls you're describing are now the new aged "madames," recruiting the next group. It's tragic.

[@AnonYmous-tr4cu]

@mrs. Exactly. It’s all about values, these girls are the new aged groomers. The women who groom younger women for men, except the modern version is that they think they have the upper hand because they get to experience the IG lifestyle that the average woman/man/ family can’t afford. But what they don’t tell you is that you pay for it with your self respect, dependence, and failure to gain skills to take care of yourself. Creating a perfect storm of being an accessory to [insert wealthy man here] for aslong as HE wants you. The moment he looks at you and the spark isn’t the same, he is well within his right (because you aren’t married so no court will back you) to put you out on the street like a dog as he puts his new young puppy in your place.

[@annettebyrd8259]

Great advice!!! I date hypergamously, however I am an older woman. I also use discernment, emotional intelligence and I have boundaries in place. You must have standards and put yourself and your safety first. Going to a man's home and or giving your address is a no no!!! Take your time, vet these people and go on a plethora or different kinds of dates. And LISTEN more than you speak. Gather as much info as you can. It's ok to have some fun in your youth, but you have to be smart about it ladies!!

[@frostallis6507]

I’m in my late 20s and just starting this journey to date hypergamously. I’ve done a lot of research, although I feel I’m not sure how to have the man talk more about himself than me. And as to which questions are crucial for a first date. I would appreciate any tips regarding this.

[@kaiymariewalker8823]

Valid cautionary tale. Just know Dating down and dating broke men is dangerous too. Black women are being murdered by their broke male dates and partners all the time. Lets be honest. Dating men is dangerous but broke men are not so much more noble because they dont want to pay for dates sex or time. I don’t like that we seem to associate dating up dating wealthy or sex work with so much more danger than dating down and interacting with broke men. Be safe ladies 🤎

[@thuytienlives8487]

Luxury dating sounds super dangerous. I would never give any stranger my home address for a date, especially not so they could send me an Uber. It's always better to be safe than be under-cautious when dating. And you're absolutely right - always make sure you can get away if the situation gets bad or deadly. Dating someone who lives so far away when you just met them online just sounds so dangerous. It's so horrifying that people have been drugged, raped and killed when they dated someone who turned out to be violent. No amount of wealth can make up for a person being violent and dangerous to people they date. Thank you so much for telling us about your personal story. Thanks very much for sharing this video.

[@lolitafalana]

I think there's something to say about the destruction of women's spaces and rights and all of the femininity, soft life, level-up, submission etc. content that's being churned. I don't want to take this down Conspiracy Avenue, but I refuse to believe there isn't a relationship.

[@ghenetwellness4780]

Handmaids Tale come to life...

[@dasmenr]

I am from Atlanta, where "luxury dating" is profound. I never got into it because I always saw the dangers in it and not wanting to be commodified and propertied all for the company of a rich man. I am so glad I came across this video because it further helped articulate the reasons why I always chose to date safe and slow. Thank you for this, Jouelzy!

[@jouelzy]

It's wild cause a lot of the women who are branding themselves as dating older + wealthier are from Atlanta

[@dasmenr]

@@jouelzy YES! Atlanta is a breeding ground for it. It is so sad yet disturbing.

[@dasmenr]

@@jouelzy I also think about how sex trafficking is rampant in Atlanta, which makes me think about the layers of danger that "luxury" dating can cause.

[@Latoya4]

Look at God. A new video while I get fresh box braids.🤣

[@prissylily25]

GIRL!!! I’m putting in mine right now! 😂😂

[@dorianm6502]

😂😂😂😂😆😆😆

[@anotherhalima]

i grew up very sheltered and the thought of going in a car of a guy that ive known for a bit scares me let alone a guy i just met so im on the other side of the spectrum of men just scare me rich or not

[@rebornmystic3274]

I'm the same.

[@morganlynn6922]

As a young beautiful black woman in the legal field.. older men are so predatory especially if there is any kind of money or even access being exchanged. Loved your perspective (as per usual) on this topic.

[@mamboawasum-henry4980]

I’ll just say that there’s a big difference between a person giving you a gift because there’s an expectation of sexual favors from someone giving you a gift and good experiences because they love you and care about your happiness. I’ve experienced both. There’s nothing wrong with a man spoiling you. What matters is the intention behind it. Every woman needs to be careful with men who lead with their money and are too open about their wealth. They’re using these things to hide who they truly are. If a healthy and evolved man with means is trying to get to know you, he’s not going to throw money at you because he wants something sincere.

[@MightyIntellectual]

i loved this one! I feel like so much craziness has been normalized especially in the dating world. It feels like there is this group think happening. People know it's off, but since "every one is doing it" we are just going along with it. NO MA'AM. I've been having these sorts of conversations with my friends a lot lately. It actually breaks my heart a little. The people who think that these things are odd are being looked at as the delusional ones lol I'm so confused and need people to start thinking for themselves! Some of this stuff just not adding up. A man's perceived financial wealth does not equate to him being a good human. And as you stated, perceived wealth is NOT the same as actual wealth.

[@roslynjones5886]

I feel bad for you young girls out here. Y’all better learn to do these things for yourself with your girlfriends. You don’t even go to a dinner with a man without money ( even though he is expected to pay). You need to have money to get home. Some of you are making it too easy for these men to have sex with you and then leave you. Just be careful out there!!!!

[@jjamerican93]

I just feel like the more I hear about what’s happening in modern dating, the more of a hassle and danger it seems to be. It’s been much better for me to just revel in my time being single because I may not have all this freedom at some point.

[@lovelyjavid]

This video was very well done. I appreciate the careful manner in which you approached this topic. You conveyed concern without being overly judgmental, but we got the point. Very well done!

[@WishySissy]

I’ve never bought what the girlies are selling and I’m very content with my decision. I’m an average woman engaged to an average man and I’m very happy. Any encounters I’ve had with “high value” men have been mostly boring and focused on their main goal of getting into my drawers. No thx.

[@AnonYmous-tr4cu]

💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾 very smart sister. God bless you and your husband. You’re not missing shit out here trust that😊

[@BridgetBTV]

Whew chile Jouelzy...some of these KZbinrs bragging about getting flewed out, vlogging it and then showing the foreplay. I'm like no hunnie, your transaction is only legal in Nevada. I'm 52 and at this point, I'm seeking comfort, but I will not volunteer to be a paid transaction and then share it with the world. I'm seeking lifetime comfort, not just enough for me to share on social media.

[@CammyjOfficial]

This was a really good conversation. Definitely sacrifices and even a lot of danger ⚠️ involved.

[@CammyjOfficial]

Giving someone you just met your address 😳. Like, you don’t know if this person is a serial killer or not.

[@raineyj560]

@@CammyjOfficial right I am older but I went down to my lobby to pick up a PKG and someone was getting furniture delivered, he was like "I like the way you look, what floor u live on" I was like "u must be crazy to think I will tell you what floor I live on". The boldness of it all.

[@Unkuuu]

Let’s not mention how all these soft life, he ubered me out to his house chicks don’t last more than 2-3 dates on the guys. They don’t tell you know these dudes don’t be calling back like that. 👀 To me it’s not really the flex they think it is. Guys can spend money and not value you at all. A guy you meet on Bumble doesn’t really care about you. I don’t care how much he spends. Not to mention these guys know likely see the TikToks. They know you are thirsty for this attention and perceived lifestyle and they will use that desire for their own benefits.

[@robynr3130]

@Unku "They know you are thirsty for this attention and perceived lifestyle and they will use that desire for their own benefits." ^^THIS!!

[@Celestinewarbeck]

Lol. It’s so funny so you that cause I’ve lived this life and it’s true. It’s a revolving door of men that eventually got exhausting to me.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Yes! They don’t tell you that men of means date in their circle. They want to vet you to make sure you go to the same schools and social clubs as them. Dating today is precarious so men will do a lot of recon before making you his girlfriend/publicly associating with you. 2-3 dates is for expensive girls they want to have sex with. No sex? No play. The exception are typically the women they already know and are ready to pursue - properly vetted women who are already accepted

[@Unkuuu]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 Right, these girls are playing it as if they just have so many options. But a large part of why there are so many 1-3 dates and nothing after is because they didn’t have sex and the guys dipped. Or worse they did have sex and he got scarce after the fact. But they are not having that conversation!

[@Luxebarbie]

yep women talk too much

[@karrah3477]

POVERTY DATING IS SUPER DANGEROUS BECAUSE THOSE MEN DON'T HAVE ANY TO LOSE ....

[@samanthaharper9522]

I cannot say how much I appreciate this video. Being post -grad, so much of this ideology is pushed on my FYP without fail. My generation seems to come up with new colloquialisms for age old concepts that can be dangerous. My dad always told me “no one gives away free money” and it is so true. Strings and expectations are always attached. No matter how educated, good looking, “appealing” , you are for the white male gaze for this lifestyle, a white man with money will always outweigh the Justice served when something goes wrong. Love this !

[@kittyskid1]

I admire your discussion on this because it is not condescending but rather cautionary.

[@azra6706]

I’m done going on dates with older white men without properly vetting them first and having more than 1-2 drinks. Thank God I was able to make it home after a date got me a bit too impaired (I take full accountability but he was constantly suggesting more drinks/shots). I ended up back at his place in the shower and that’s when I finally realized how dangerous it is to glamorize dating older wealthy men. I trusted him because he is wealthy but the date could’ve went left very quickly. Please be careful ladies! Always stay alert my sisters❤️

[@kay7732]

I recently made a comment about having a man spend $400 on a dinner date being dangerous, as he will be expecting much more in return, but really couldn’t articulate my feelings beyond that thought. You really just broke down my sentiments of why women must be cautious while engaging in luxury dating. Great video.

[@j.m.edwards1183]

This was great and needed content. Ladies listen up, everything that glitters is not gold.

[@LT-dh8bg]

Jouelzy, you are such an articulate, brilliant young sistah! Your videos are jam-packed with facts, points of references and/or well thought-out provocations that should spur any willing brain into some deep seated thinking. I absolutely love your videos and usually watch them more than once because they are incredibly interesting, very introspective and the messaging, I feel, is constructed for the intellectual and delivered in such a tactful and eloquent way -- I just have to make sure that I grasped the overall gist of the dialog. I'm so grateful that you made this video. So many Sistahs just seem to sell themselves so short these days. I'm an old head, so maybe I see things differently. It's so disheartening to see black women -- young, old and in between -- putting everything that they own (mind, body and soul) on the line for money or materialism or an iota of notoriety. Look -- no shade -- but a free Uber ride is simply nothing to brag about. I'm praying that more than a few Sistahs who engage in these types of quid pro quo behaviors come across your video and reassess themselves. I find that what's often passing as "right" these days is actually wrong -- on countless levels! I pray one day we will learn. In any case, thank you for sharing your content.

[@Jazzy869]

Im so sorry you went through such a horrible experience. I thank you so so much for putting the warning out for other women. There are so many disgusting predators out there preying on the naive girls/women.

[@jharrisss]

this video is so important. I recently found myself in an almost dangerous scenario and I really abandoned my typical precautions to experience dating a man with a high net worth. You're so right those who give freely take freely and I'm grateful to have left the scenario unharmed (though deeply disturbed). We need to embrace safe dating, bc luxury dating often comes with a cost!

[@jamillawebb3567]

I just love your commentary and analysis Jouelzy ♥️💯💕. At the end of the day I think the biggest shortcoming of social media is the curation and display of fantasy. Nothing in life is freely given and the number #1 concern of mine is safety. I’ve been sexually harassed and catcalled by men since I was 9 years old (I started puberty early). The objectification of women and girls is not race or class specific. If my ability to survive is solely based on a man’s income… that is a dangerous space to be. And along with the sister you mentioned in Connecticut, the video vixens / IG models Dasani of Atlanta (a white woman) and Mercedes Moor (African American) in Texas are additional examples of women who were “flewed out” courted, and desired by men of access to money only to have their previous lives taken.

[@869ofuncertainty]

I spent much of the 2021 going into 2022 in my transactional love/relationship era. I never did anything I didn't wanna do but nobody was flying me out so there's that too. It gets empty really fast but more than that is I hated how much power these men felt they had over me. How their attitudes would change when I wasn't available or interested in participating in things they wanted. I don't think I fully realized how dangerous this could get since my friends were just like "yes! Get the bag." If I hadn't already quit it, this would have been a hell of a wake up call.

[@AnonYmous-tr4cu]

Very smart for you to make that decision and I’m sorry you were in such positions. Men of this caliber know their (dollar amount) worth and sometimes have wives. So they don’t need you, they want you but you’re disposable. Why? Because there’s millions of other girls just like you who would date them simply because of their money. They don’t have to be enjoyable, charming, or even polite because at the end of the day it’s transactional. Really it’s almost like sugar coated prostitution with a bunch of fluff so that both parties don’t feel like they’re out doing what they’re doing. Atleast prostitutes are in control of themselves though…

[@19Hollisterchick90]

I have noticed that very pretty and privileged women gave been able to get a cult following online due to their dating activities, which has inspired many other women. Unfortunately, those women are not getting the same results even when upfront with their demands which has further ruined the dating scene for many.

[@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade]

I didn’t date at all in high school and had a few “friends with benefits” in college so my first real relationship wasn’t until I was 21, he was 31 (recently divorced with one child) anyways, I didn’t sleep with him and he bought me diamond earrings and a cellphone for Christmas (after only dating since October of that year) and we went to turks and caicos a few months after that (separate rooms) During the course of our relationship, he gave me lots of gifts and cash. We never had $ex I broke up with him because I suspected that he was cheating… in hindsight (over 15 years ago), I don’t blame him😁 he was doing all that for me and I wasn’t giving up the 🍪

[@mechantechatonne]

If he felt his needs weren't being met, he could have spoken up and advocated for himself. It's not a justification to deceive someone that you want something and they're not giving it to you.

[@mskkiikkiii]

@@mechantechatonne this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! men are so entitled and because we are groomed to be submissive to them we miss the red flags and accept horrible treatment that they themselves would never accept

[@sohsol7123]

I’m sure many of these older gents are already married with kids, and I’m sure many of these women know this. Be careful with that because karma is a bitch. The chances of him leaving his wife for you are usually slim, so, what’s your end goal, Sis? This topic reminds me of the young lady on the Tinder Swindler who was so exited to be flown out of the country by a man she Just met who had the appearance of wealth. Her friends had red flags going off, but her response to them was, “YOLO!” He pretty much ruined her life.

[@smoovybaby]

Gosh… I hope that all young girls just getting started with dating on these internet streets will watch this video. They need to know to carry their good sense as they’re out there dating.

[@ArtisteRenee]

So happy you broke this down. I was just thinking about this concept the other day. I came across that same tik tok of the young lady who ended up in another borough in that weird man’s house and had the same reaction.

[@sinderbell1045]

I always thought having someone send you an Uber is just as careless as having them pick you up. Either way they have your address.

[@raineyj560]

They need to walk blocks away, stand in front of that building and give that address.

[@sinderbell1045]

@@raineyj560 best thing to do on a first date is drive yourself

[@raineyj560]

@@sinderbell1045 not everyone has a car

[@sinderbell1045]

@@raineyj560 then get your own Uber or have them cashapp you the money

[@bracollapeters6546]

My mother-in-law has a hard rule in dating that she tells (young) women, like under 25. Don't accept anything from a man over $5. For poor men and for rich men, people get in their feelings real quick when they feel like you owe them for all their romance.

[@tresvegan3633]

Wow your story you told really touched me. I must have rewind that part at least three times to listen again and again. Women children and young teens go through so much in this society I swear. Every move we make it seems like their is some one lurking just waiting to prey on us. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Papiup18]

I don't see any men in the comments so I share my two sense. Pretty privilege is being able to live in a world where people will gift you things. It gets to s point where it almost becomes the expectation. Men or socially unattractive women realize at an early age nothing is free and everything is transactional. If you as a woman are accepting something and you haven't considered how you'll return the favor, you're setting yourself up.

[@FranLaVoix]

What a wonderful topic and insight. No, I personally would not give my personal address or even my personal phone number if I had a choice not to. There are too many stories on the injustice of women and men in these blind date situations, namely women who are going on luxury dates with high-value men so to speak. The young lady in Connecticut who was found dead replays in my mind every so often and it is such an unfortunate situation. While this can happen with someone who is closer in proximity, I believe that we just need to remain vigilant and watch out at all cost. I do like the advice that your friend gave you back in New York. Those who give freely will take freely. It’s sad that we have to remain vigilant and watchful against those who are seemingly kind and generous. Discernment is truly needed.

[@indi1omccoln565]

It’s always questionable to see women with such high earner professions with big companies who partake in these luxury dating cycles. Safety goes out the window Dignity goes out the window Boundaries goes out the window I can’t imagine how these situations have warped their minds to accept so much harm into their lives

[@john83me14]

That's true. I'm a guy and my homies who have LOTS of money and clout on social media are use to girls breaking all their rules for them and that is not their expectation for every girl. On the female side the norm becomes dealing with wealthy men not average. On the guy side the norm becomes "do what I say...I'm rich". All of this equals transactional love and objectification of both sides.

[@indi1omccoln565]

@@john83me14 it’s unfortunate all around im afraid. Even if one chooses to have kids the family dynamics around structure,values, sense of self are all warped and distorted. It’s sad but they paid tho..

[@AnonYmous-tr4cu]

@@indi1omccoln565 the worst part is that often times if you not actually a woman that the man genuinely likes, you get kicked to the curb. Alot of these women don’t tell you that by 30-35 this life doesn’t exist anymore unless you took the seat of the wife. And even then you may share him. Aslong as you out here tricking till you touch middle age, silly rabbit the joke is on YOU. If this is a life you doing you gotta learn to pivot at some point and try to get a permanent position, but like stated in your comment that usually requires being even more of a pick me, dependent, helpless little girl, and that simply makes you susceptible to his bidding. We love to say fuck the patriarchy but then comply with it when we benefit.. but do you really? Because being with a man who don’t love you and simply has money looks sad af

[@crazymause5993]

u are doin the lord's work, thank you for this PSA

[@amandabrissett1993]

yea, i was a broke college student and i was talking to this man (i don't even like men) and i went to his house after he begged me, and he kept kissing my body even after i said i'm not interested in s3x. grateful i was able to run b4 it progressed. it was not worth it and i no longer seek a "sugar daddy" or anything like that. these things fall under the same category and i realized i am not willing to sacrifice the things i would have to in order to get "taken care of".