What Happened When I Started Communicating for TRUST and NOT LIKABILITY

Team dynamics are tricky and where there is undermining behaviours, passive-aggressiveness and gossip it can feel like a lot to handle.
Where do you begin with a team like this?
In this video I'm sharing what I did to overcome a tough situation on my team. And how I had to make the shift from "trying to be nice" to communicating with intentionality.
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[@makeda.andrews]

Thanks for watching today's video! Sign up for my FREE class for a clear, actionable plan to building a high-performance team → bit.ly/3WqMPvx

[@inthedark7059]

My situation is very similar initially operating from a place of wanting to be liked. I supervise a unionized kitchen team in a nursing home and I also work for a outside contractor. The employees do not work for my company and on top of the union guides it is impossible to lead with a purpose. Every time I open my mouth I appear to say the wrong thing. Someone is offended about the way I speak to them. It is exhausting because I never get a chance to speak to the people who are having the “issues” as it’s always an email sent down by their HR to my director. No examples, no incidents are ever cited just “ I don’t like the way she speaks to me”. When I arrived there I came from a hotel background I was a fish out of water and had no direction. Two years in and I have grown in my skills and knowledge, gotten more confident and have been assigned to staff development. As soon as my confidence started to show the attacks came. From literally all 24 of the employees. It is relentless!

I just started following you today but have already watch several of your videos. Your leadership is the kind of leadership i am striving for. Thank you sharing your stories and wisdom. ❤

[@makeda.andrews]

Thanks for watching! ☺️

[@prettyflytraveler]

This video hits home. I’m dealing with this now. I tried the kill em with kindness method too. I finally approached her to talk and she called me everything but a child of God. It’s horrible especially when you didn’t do anything to the person.

[@margotk538]

Thank you for sharing your story Makeda. I wanted to say that I had similar experience from a subordinate and a fellow manager. Sometimes you can communicate as many times with people in as many ways possible, things will still be out of your plan. Your subordinate who are jealous, even though you can try to communicate with her to build trust, eventually her jealousy will not keep her from staying at the job nor not stir up problems for you. The only thing you can do is to have an honest discussion of what her career goals are, and document your progress to help her get there. It may be to transition her to a different team, or set up a timeline of when she can potentially achieve those goals. In the end, some people just aren’t equipped for promotions no matter how badly they want it, and they will take it out on you. Just do your best and help others shine.

[@patiencekyoshabire1038]

Am becoming a better manager every day. Thank you Andrews

[@curiousobserver5332]

I love this. Build relationships! Amen! It is people first. The team isn't a group of widgets...it is a group of humans who have a story, dreams, and feelings who want to be heard, understood, encouraged & supported. ❤

[@yoohoo952]

I don't, I want to get through the day and get my salary. I even think it's dangerous to fire up people with their "dreams"

[@MoxieWidow]

I needed this before the write-up i got yesterday! Ugh! Similar to what you described, I came into a weird dynamic that left me without the guidance and support to manage effectively. I know I'm stronger, smarter and better than what happened yesterday and I don't want it to define me. I'm still smarting from it, but I am determined to to learn and move past it. Plan to watch and learn more here

[@ericafontana6424]

Never could I relate to something more! Your candid story was lovely, definitely been in a position where being accommodating eventually lead to feeling super unsure of myself and harmed my decision making skills :( was like I had to "check" with others before I could trust myself. Powerful lesson in stepping into the responsibility I had for my team and to myself, to build those relationships and gain advocacy.

[@makeda.andrews]

Erica! Thank you for this beautiful comment. I know that you sharing your story like this will also be great for someone else reading the comments. Thank you for watching. And I'm glad that this experience resonated with you and hopefully helped you feel understood :)

[@Lifewithlyric212]

This is great information. Glad I subscribed 🙌🏼

[@juanitajames5978]

what if your team member is toxic and your supervisor uphold the toxic behavior

[@MoxieWidow]

I relate. I work for a non-profit and sometimes it feels like they are so afraid of more turnover that they turn a blind eye on toxic attitudes.

[@kathrynphillips8320]

Same here. They even recently promoted this toxic employee- so she has no reason to respect me now, b/c she is rewarded despite her awful behavior.@@MoxieWidow

[@longshotny]

Intelligent in a great leader. Thanks for these

[@empathematics8928]

I love this! So important and human.

[@makeda.andrews]

Aww I'm so happy that this resonated with you. I like to share as much of the raw stuff as possible so that people know that they are not alone. Thank you for watching.

[@hollymccann9424]

I’ve never made a comment on you tube but I ❤ you! Keep being you!

[@makeda.andrews]

Hi Holly! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this genuine comment. I appreciate it 💛

[@Kmk955]

Loved this!

[@MikaKapuscinski]

Great advice! Thank you. Observation: I notice when team members are raised together it creates toxic competitiveness.

[@palawenia2]

Wow, I can really relate to your experience.

[@foxiikue]

Thank you for the video Mak! Very helpful tips.

[@hiromikami]

Omg, you are the BEST! I've watched 3 of your videos now and I feel we share a kindred spirit, therefore all of your advice rings true with my personality and my specific situation. Thank you. =)

[@datchocolatedude]

It was today that I was lead to your videos for new managers/leaders. Very helpful and will be following you going forward. Such sound information to learn from

[@jackjack4412]

6:28 I think I get your point. Men learn this quickly (or at least I did) in tribal/aggressive settings. Being nice to people is avoiding the real problem and is also demeaning. I used to think "stfu and lead" with certain leaders. Show competence and they will trust you.

[@karenmontoya-ui5qj]

Mak you are amazing. I am starting my new assistant role and your videos are so helpful.

[@makeda.andrews]

Congratulations Karen on your new role!

[@LeadershipwithMike]

Wow. What an amazingly bright set. Love it! And as always, great content.

[@iheartabortion2650]

Wow, what a bald and average looking man.

[@makeda.andrews]

Thanks Mike 😊

[@nancyharvath886]

I am the unofficial supervisor and I am between a rock and a hard place

[@calilove6103]

Great advice! This is so helpful thank you very much.

[@carltonwalton9819]

Thank you for your insight and hard work!

[@kseniapoteraj8874]

Your videos helping me so much 🎉 thank you

[@makeda.andrews]

You're so welcome!

[@taviamullen]

Very insightful, empowering and informative 👏🏽👏🏽💫💯!! 💐Thank you💐

[@vaguy31]

Thank you for sharing your experience and that was very relatable.

[@makeda.andrews]

You are so welcome 🙏🏾

[@Soul_Sounds1]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Thanks for sharing

[@makeda.andrews]

You are so welcome. Thank you for watching!

[@joshuah.8364]

Helpful framing. Thank you.

[@makeda.andrews]

Glad it was helpful!

[@judahroyal9879]

Amazing Mak, thank you so much!!!!!

[@Nikita-jv1ci]

Really loved this video! So insightful

[@rubiorocks]

I’m a year in and feeling what you described

[@kathrynphillips8320]

Same here. :(

[@lisa-se6dp]

im really struggling with my team. my second in command picks and choses when she supports me and when she doesnt. She disagrees with me one minute and agrees at other times. she is bitter becuase i got the role and she didnt. I dont know what to do. I really like the job but i dont know if i can work under these conditions anymore

[@SanDiegoSalesAcademycom]

need to have a private 1:1 conversation and understand her thought process and how you can join forces to increase the team's output

[@m.t972]

Looks like the both of us are in the same boat. I have already given up to be honest. You cannot perform if your direct reporting does not supports you in either way. Especially, when the company culture is weak with very toxic people. I don't see my future in the company I am working with. When you have a HOD who is abusive with his four letter words and constantly shouting and yelling at you most of the time. I had enough and soon I will be tendering my resignation. Not trying to be negative here but staying on will only make me depressed and useless. I have tried and it has been a year, it is not working means is not working. Even when it comes to evaluation of performances, it was really unfair and unjustifiable. I am really in a very toxic environment.

[@lisa-se6dp]

@@m.t972 it’s horrible when you are not getting support. I managed to sort my issue out but it was a very long and tedious process. I almost gave up a number of times. I was getting support from my HOD though and I think that made a huge difference in my situation.

[@veronicalagor4771]

​@SanDiegoSalesAcademycom Second this. Your team consists of people, not cogs. Explain your reasoning to your employees, and listen to their concerns and accommodate them when you can.

[@bernicerogo9190]

Great content ❤

[@neashia23]

Thank you ❤

[@makeda.andrews]

you are so welcome!

[@Re_DEEMD]

Idk sign language but that looks ab right. 😂 Not bad vid tho. I’ll definitely try to apply this in my new role as maintenance/tooling manager.

[@mirandacouey9456]

What if this jealous subordinate takes everything and tries to get you in trouble. I have been trying to build a trusting relationship with him and he does everything possible to get me in trouble. How do you handle the toxic subordinate that is jealous and pretends everything is peachy then pushes your buttons and acts like he did nothing wrong?

[@beingroxy]

Your story actually mirrors mine very well. I got promoted by God's grace into management position. And one particular team member had been there for years and she wasn't offered but I was. It caused a very tumultuous relationship between us. We've clashed a bit but it blew over. This has only been some months. But idk if it would be a wise decision to ask her honestly. But I know she's jealous and hurt and frustrated that she didn't get the position. Would asking her this question be wise? Knowing that she is because the snide comments and remarks. Deep down I know she is bothered that I got the position. But idk how to handle this with her. I did just what you did overly compensate and wanting to be liked but I know she's bothered but won't outright admit she is. I've even shared with her once I'm uncomfortable with working with her because of the issue but she blew up and so I let it be. We're okay now but still she makes snide comments and what she would do as a leader. What can I do in this matter Mak? I want my team to be strong but how do I do this? I've been in management since March and struggling to be firm and such. If I asked her this question I know she will get defensive that's why I say would this be helpful? When I asked her before she said she would never take a management position at this job which I know she's being dishonest about.

[@rhoadestraveled]

I just wanted to chime in and say you aren’t alone. I started my position in April. I have an employee that is intentionally being disrespectful. She’s mad because she didn’t get my job and she’s 20 years older than me. She won’t even arrive to work on time. I’m documenting it all but it’s pretty frustrating. I honestly think she’s trying to run me off.

[@beingroxy]

@@rhoadestraveled I also agree. Most of my employees are taking advantage of my inexperience. So they are doing what they wanna do. They've told my administrator on me several times, the jealousy, the backstabbing. All I could do is a paper trail on them, because it's out of hand.

[@beingroxy]

@@rhoadestraveled Hang in there! 🙏🏾 it's tough . But I refuse to let someone run me off. God placed me there and I will remain till its time to leave. I'll just have to build rapport of the disrespect.

[@palawenia2]

Glad to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. I was moved to a new department in May to be a supervisor and someone is working there for 13 years. She is very rude and disrespectful and I sat with her about her attitude and she said she can't promise it won't happen again, but it happened again. I have no problem confronting her but just frustrating.

[@gleeannsmith5232]

I love your outlook on this. You will flourish

[@deborahnambi5501]

What exactly processes did you set up to be successful later?

[@makeda.andrews]

Great question! I go through the framework I used here in my free training: bit.ly/3WqMPvx

[@kennynyc1555]

ty

[@makeda.andrews]

My pleasure

[@SanDiegoSalesAcademycom]

Good

[@loewendls]

Did the dynamics improve because the toxic ones quit?

[@makeda.andrews]

It did DRAMATICALLY improve! I wish I had have done something when earlier instead of putting myself and the whole team through a pretty traumatizing event. But hey, I learned from the experience and hopefully sharing it helps those of you watching to make these types of decisions sooner.

[@charlenehall2657]

Where did you get the help from to even know what to do

[@makeda.andrews]

This is a GREAT question! I leaned on my mentors. They both supported me in getting through this.

[@sylviasanchez3975]

You must never trust or talked about your life that cause so much drama. Just go in clock in and out for the day . Too much toxic and hater drama 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😡😡😡

[@femmeglow.conscious]

Thank you

[@Adam444Tv]

It’s so hard team building when they are all already clique’d up… and you come in and just can’t break the ice… 🧊 lmao shout out Big 5 Capo Beach. 😅 why did you hate me 😢😂

[@kaylafaheyahrndt]

Hey, Mak! This is such an awesome and open conversation! One thing I’d add is for managers to remember that team dynamics change over the years. I am entering year 6 in my current manager role, and I have a few new leaders on the team as people have made career shifts. So yes, it’s like starting over in a way, and it does require you to remember what it’s like for them as new leaders to be just starting out or meeting new team members. But also, when that lack of confidence creeps in, I can recognize more easily that I need to change up or step up my approach. We got this! 🎉

[@makeda.andrews]

Great insights ❤️

[@Banzii_Mavuso]

Hahaha, 6 months is so relatable because that's how long I managed a group of immature, passive aggressive and toxic women. I let the role go and I refused to become responsible for them anymore but focused on other aspects of my job and it has been an unending pattern of push-pull from them and now it's unfortunate that I am cut off from them cos they choose to alienate me.

[@kevinruesch2864]

Did you know the secret of the ten commandments is not just a list of random demands put on us but a lesson on relationship and leadership skills ? Think about them in half first half is personal relationship with God building a trustworthy character the second half is establishing relationship in others wether spouse neighbors family members or employment / career not just in the church but in the world there's no better leadership consultant then God

[@orangecrush4445]

I’m not a manager but this was still very helpful:)

[@Kiri009]

I can’t help but feel racism played a role in this, like they didn’t think you deserved the role because they didn’t think a Black woman could have that job or that they should report to a Black woman. I’m really curious if that was the real issue. But thank you for sharing this! I’m glad you made it through and that it only ended with them leaving. They should have been fired for traumatizing you by yelling outside your office but often Black women aren’t supported enough to be protected from that kind of trauma in the workplace.

[@makeda.andrews]

Well, it is true I was not supported. But sadly these were other women of colour acting this way. So that was not the issue. It was genuinely just a couple of people believing that they had more to offer which I respected then and do to this day. I didn't handle it well, but I could respect their perspective.

[@klhenderson1906]

Great video!