Making Friends as an Adult | Mark Shapiro, MD | TEDxSonomaCounty

[@wy9421]

The essence lies in the fact that relationships between adults are always based on transactions, and there is no place for relationships to germinate without selfishness, as innocent as in childhood.😑

[@joshbarros1995]

Making friends is hard, keeping friends close is 4 times harder

[@nithishrajk.b2547]

With the same note.. Maintaining childhood friends in adulthood is equally hard.

[@user-yj3ob9kd3l]

A childhood friend recently went off on me in texts with personal insults and ended with--I don't want you as my friend. Just like that, 50 years cancelled. Made me wonder if marijuana use caused a psychotic event.

[@maheshkulkarni319]

Yes u r right

[@cippo007]

​@@user-yj3ob9kd3lMade the Same observation with people taking drugs as cannabis

[@ConcreteUniversal]

Yep, I've seen it with cannabis use too.

[@carpo719]

My buddy calls it watering the Friendship garden, sometimes we reconnect after a long time away but good friends never go away

[@szilvijuhasz]

For me the main problem is to find people who have similar values and interests.

[@terrorists-are-among-us]

Yeah, I didn't used to think of it, anyone could be my friend but then I realized I don't want to socialize with them 😂 I looked online thinking it would be so easy, but it turns out the masses are actually asses and now I see why many marry someone from college.

[@TheZgodnaKrava]

have you ever considered to move to another place? there are different mentalities in different regions.. even within the same country.. that was a solution to me

[@Maxx-mw2zt]

Yes and meetup groups are useless.

[@NN-fz4pd]

Why, what are your values and interests?

[@szilvijuhasz]

@@NN-fz4pd I appreciate your question. I don't think that the format of this conversation would be able to convey a topic like this. I'm sorry if my comment was misleading to think I'd be looking for an online conversation, I just wanted to extend on the topic of the video. Don't let the fact that I don't believe in online conversations let overshadow the positivity of your question. All the best!

[@suzannerodriguez1869]

It gets quite frustrating when I am always initiating phone calls or texts and none of my family or friends even bother to reciprocate.

[@chelomejias676]

I’d answer your texts 😂😊

[@razia6046]

There are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life. I only met the ones for a season 😞

[@LauriKunes]

Sometimes it is a one way road-- you try they do not

[@ramongonzalez1439]

reality is hard, but reality is the truth. No interest in friendship any more. Only money matters to most.

[@shubhasreedharan6966]

We need to be very careful. First you have to observe the traits of the person and make sure that the person is totally harmless. Never become friends with anyone who takes advantage of others.

[@KW-mz4pn]

I believe it’s the current society and culture in which we reside.

[@ichigo5727]

Accurate

[@Robert9530]

Yup 👍🏻

[@sharinaross1865]

Yep.

[@AL-lh2ht]

Of course this statement is so vague it becomes completely nonsense.

[@DeportillegalAliens]

I actually think the smart phone is the biggest reason it's hard to make friends

[@garrettspeakeasy]

Multiple reasons. We are so busy, everyone is so fricken busy. Another is social media ironically has made us less social and way more unauthentic as well as making us lack vulnerability which has been the biggest point of recreating my social life in adulthood. Joined a mens group which has helped alot.

[@erintherapy]

Mens groups rock.

[@gerikyte3286]

I never feel lonely..I have plenty of things to occupy myself with and frankly I prefer to be alone..

[@annieconway8998]

Moving around as we do nowadays also makes making new friends again and again becomes more like hard work

[@terrorists-are-among-us]

Yeah, can't have dinner with your old buddy if they moved to China 😂

[@TheSapphireSprit]

I have attachment issues (abandoned at one month and then foster care) so I have extreme problems with making and keeping friends. I have one friend now and she is distant lately. The loneliness is crushing.

[@SilverFan21k]

Thx for being honest

[@TheSapphireSprit]

@@SilverFan21k thank you for writing. I appreciate it!

[@carpo719]

Making friends is easy, maintaining friendships is the difficult part. That's why we stick with those we've known for a long time because they can accept absences for a long time and then reconnection

[@sharminiserasinghe3293]

You can find plenty of fairweather 'friends' if you have money to spend on them. But the moment you fall ill or need their help, they simply disappear.

[@mrsmucha]

Yep

[@ajwalker4416]

I've had friendships start the text messaging route that have turned into meaningful relationships. All it takes is both people being willing to extend that hand and ask "Do you want to be my friend?" I've seen kids do this all the time.

[@1DaTJo]

The most important friendship I will ever have is with myself. My friendships with others extends from there.

[@alika207]

The same holds true with face-to-face connections as virtual connections! I believe it's important to exercise your skills in both types.

[@Maxx-mw2zt]

Finding quality friends who have similar values and share similar interests is challenging. I tend to encourage and cheer for friends, however, I don't get that from them in return. Some even likes it when I have challenges in my life because it makes them feel better. So quality is hard to find.

[@ThePleasantPixel]

loneliness has spiked after covid for understandable reasons

[@TJsAbsoluteBasicSocialSkills]

Applying "the scientific method" is an interesting take on it, thank you.

[@ayhansimsek8506]

Thanks for sharing this video with us

[@plaurenzi83]

Great talk! It made me thing of a meme I saw the other day that said "When you are in your 20s, 15 people can show up to the door and you're always ready - When you are in your 30s, it take 2 months preparation to see a friend." Now I wonder how it goes as we get to our 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. ?

[@bberdan6603]

Timely. Thank you

[@TheSjsicilia]

In our culture we do not revere the older and the wiser...

[@TJDST4]

That is not true.

[@TheSapphireSprit]

@@TheSjsicilia I tend to agree. When I was young my parents would take me some beautiful houses with parlors and I would have all kinds of conversations with some enchanting older people. They would tell me stories about how the world was when they were young. I admired them SO much and was in awe of the things they had done. When my kids were little we were no longer in a small town and nobody had parlors so I took my kids to nursing homes but it’s usually a group thing where the kids do a short presentation. The only experience my kids got with the elderly, really was my mother-in-law and, after she remarried, her husband.

[@naimulhasan802]

Making friend is easy But Maintaining Friendship is hard.

[@stvinney]

Making friends is, surprisingly, not difficult at all for me But as an introvert, keeping them requires work and time. The latter I value very much. And there's where the problem lies I don't wanna wind up lonely but I need to have my alone time It's as critical for me as having friends and being able to go out is for others In this scenario the most important thing is to find someone that is great at planning but doesn't need you to sort of be oncall so much. Im a horrible planner when it comes to social/recreational things and yet my weekends are arguably more structured than my work days

[@cstone3178]

I like the way German expresses it. In German, you don’t „make“ friends but you „find“ friends. 👍

[@camp44mag]

Along the same lines, for the Germans I know, when one has a birthday and wants a party, the person with the birthday creates the party, invites who they want, and treats their guests to food and so on. Not like in much of the US, where others might throw a party for your birthday.

[@cstone3178]

@@camp44mag That is mainly true and it was an adjustment for me when I moved here. I think it goes back to post war times, when there was not much around. If you wanted to celebrate, you couldn‘t impose on others but rather „treated“ the others to a nice celebration. It is kind of the birthday person = host.

[@jagans6409]

expectations from old friends hurt ❤

[@LindaChapman-u2c]

Roosters, other birds & animals are magnetically drawn to me, so I have hope that a real humanoid being remaining in SW Florida will be drawn to me someday also. So many people fell into doing favors for rich guys in my wealthy town that I wound up losing everybody I knew when I started waking up to criminal Operations around me. Thx for the pep talk for holding out hope of finding a trustworthy humanoid in Florida. I live with my loving but lonely middle aged sons now that I'm a homeless USVet, so I know kind humans exist out there. Thx.❤

[@brucetsai7732]

makes sense. but i just dont want to make friends on purpose. it is like i want to learn something when i really want to.

[@celestialcircledance]

My social bubble consists of one LOL and time has to be a big part of the equation when there are so many demands placed on it !

[@TheKathybarth]

Brilliant.

[@AnnDeneeLivingSimply]

Short answer: we overthink it

[@leonkituyi3935]

Making friends is hard but I myself am not very good in making friends and I don't have very many friends but I have few friends. For example I have a good friendship with my friend in our estate the way he sends me devotions everyday and we talk to each other all the time but he is an important person. My Dad actually has many friends but he is very friendly. All his friends like his childhood friends, colleagues and classmates etc

[@waldlaeuferinunterwegs6841]

I know how to make friends. New people get on my nerves within 30 minutes. Old friends are forgiven that trait because of our long history. It's my tolerance (or lack thereof) of consumerism, bs beliefs, weird political views, being glued to a TV most of the day & not caring about nature that's missing. But it's ok, I'm a childless catless plant lady 😇

[@phillipsoulwin]

Can i be your friend 😅?

[@germanharpyie9923]

This remembers me the words of Kenny Rogers "can't make old friends"

[@sharinaross1865]

Loneliness

[@Red_1976]

I think there is pressure with new friends and technology the way it is. Ppl expect you to respond to a text within a day, sometimes a few hours and if you forget to reply or just simply can’t it appears rude. I can never respond within 24hours, so I do at my own pace. Other people should do the same. I think we put pressure on eachother to reply just because we are all on mobile phones. Not everyone takes theirs out if they are working or want a day with family.

[@Harthikreddyy]

21 and have zero friends

[@glendoriaburris2586]

Thank u🤎

[@ZakiRh-fm7vb]

Say ham dulah❤❤

[@jenethdsouza]

I am trying to say... Can you help me? 😂

[@ZakiRh-fm7vb]

@@jenethdsouza😂❤️🇩🇿

[@BetterDays_Now]

ADHD makes continuity and follow - through difficult, if not impossible.

[@jessicasimplicioreis3824]

Alguém assistindo??🦄🦄🦄

[@mariaantoniettamontella9173]

grazie

[@Mkbshg8]

Can't speak for other countries but in UK if you aren't into drinking or football forget it.

[@glendaanderson4969]

As long as your new friend doesn't have an avoident attachment style 😂

[@mrsmucha]

Or is a covert narcissist.

[@romeovelasco4151]

The real challenge is sustaining a good friendship. We can always start making friends but can we live with it?

[@doriezitro8556]

How To Win Friends And Influence People

[@unpopuIaropinion]

does that work ?

[@spazefalcon2794]

Missing Concept: people get crazy. Root Cause - is not here.

[@pranavpatel29jan]

How 😮 taking western countries example where kids are being taught to do not talk with strangers , which they carry through their life and not accepting stranger and complaining about isolated and blah blah of loneliness.. atmosphere is so strict where u have a fear of talking or connecting strangers😮..it's all about culture and society..

[@sharlitagiles]

I work from home. Zero friends. Zero social life. I live pay check to pay check. So I have no money to go out.

[@dantediedagain]

You can always find free events or even a simple walk through the city or a park 😃

[@jeanninebrown5540]

I’m older and my friends are older and have physical health problems so hard to get together

[@DawnWood-t9c]

How about using zoom to connect?

[@Maxx-mw2zt]

Yes working from home does not help especially young folks.

[@superbrawlcellstars5981]

Yall had friends when you were kids?

[@alyciamarrison2916]

I just went up to someone & just asked "do you wanna play?" But can you guess the responce!! :/

[@sharinaross1865]

I don't want to know

[@SMALLDANE]

Have they let you out of jail yet? 😂

[@jenethdsouza]

I am trying to say... Can you help me? 😂

[@venkatasivagabbita788]

Self Centredness.

[@volo2009]

I'M 36 Years old,but I even can't find study buddy,I dont talk about friends 😢

[@Yakoba317]

❤❤

[@fmargaret2825]

It isn't if you have candy...and a van... sorry. Forgot the van part.

[@Scrumptious-b2q]

Yada yada yada.Tks🇨🇦

[@EricCampbellUAV]

jedi mind trick

[@JensdC]

This is what I think: We are living in a world with many distractions. No one cares about others anymore. Relationships are replaceable. Connection is nothing but a tool as you put on your mask at work/school or even at home if you're living with unpleasant people. As it is fake to you, it drains you, and you end up not looking into 'real friendship' anymore. Also, networking is wrongly defined by educators as it only sprouts from material benefits, which is absurdly unsettling.

[@This_tub]

Wait this guy is 47 years old? No way, he looks 67. I'm in my 40's and looks 30's

[@AbidMarwat-wb4wc]

Why making friends is so hard give me reason ?

[@trent5641]

Life, thats why. How close minded are you? Lol

[@ufocool1]

cose you have none

[@SMALLDANE]

Hey you two! Be nice. Don't prove the point this way.

[@fubytv731]

He sounds like he keeps spitting.

[@jagans6409]

summary please? ❤

[@mowgli2071]

You need a summary for an ELEVEN MINUTE video?

[@adaltunga3237]

@@mowgli2071why not?

[@MiketheYoungster]

Some people are too lazy to make friends

[@ranjith9656]

😂i feel targeted

[@Judith-b3t]

​@@ranjith9656 me too!

[@HertzMiao]

Llegué a 200k hoy. Estoy realmente agradecido por todo el conocimiento y las pepitas que me habéis brindado durante los últimos meses. Comenzó con 14k en junio de 2022, gracias Sra. Stacey Meredith

[@carlinehwrring5568]

I prefer to not have friends. My circle is super small. My husband and I have 9 grandchildren, 5 kids. Friends aren't important to us. It's safer to keep people away and determine what family is toxic baggage.

[@ghost3990]

📩🏎️🏎️

[@doc693]

Wow you look older than me I’m 55. And I’ve had a rough life. I even lived on the streets of Houston when I was 14-16. Not a bit of grey hair yet. Go figure

[@DCornwell-d2t]

Genetics

[@uaps28]

Why is it so hard to make a decent TedXTalk nowadays?! These topics are just boring and uninspiring.

[@ghost3990]

💀🤮🤮💀