Making It Work With Enneagram Type 6

[@davinadhani7302]

What's funny about 6's is that they constantly vacillate between being independent people and followers. They have so much potential as leaders as long as they trust themselves. My sister is a 6, and she has phenomenal leadership skills and but she is constantly valuing the desires of others over her own.

[@triciamberry]

Davina Dhani I have totally vacillated between leading and following my whole life... I totally resonate with this! So much self doubt...

[@triciamberry]

I’m a 6 and my husband is a 9. I totally relate. He’s learned to not tell me to “calm down”. 😇

[@Krilin84]

I think the girl I'm dating and getting more and more serious with is a six, and she's currently having some problems and I tried meeting her in the way you described and it was amazing how well she connected with that and how relieved she appeared, to be met in this sort of way. I feel really happy to understand her better and this also gives me relief in that I now feel we can have constructive communication regarding her personal problems! Thanks for sharing this!

[@PR3Cii3US3]

Thank you so much! No, but really this makes so much sense and is so helpful. I'm a 7 dating a 6 and sometimes I feel like my 6 is so negative in his views but i guess it's the anxiety speaking. I definitely want to be more patient and understanding and he's definitely working on himself which is great. I searched this video to understand and support my 6 more and honestly your video is the best on KZbin! You did great!😊

[@vamall]

thank you Jennifer. this is very helpful. especially the bit about going back to the negative memories and overthinking.

[@annpayton6027]

Jennifer, you are a godsend. Yes, I truly mean that. My fears about everything have been consuming me. On the outside, I’m high-functioning, responsible, cheerful, etc. Inside, I’m everything you’ve described. The rabbit hole, suspecting others of being incompetent and untrustworthy yo help me with problems. And everything else you addressed- not trusting God even though he’s had an amazing track record... I can’t believe I found you. I am so lucky. I finally feel understood. I wasted my time on Myers-Briggs. This is the closest thing I’ve ever found to my personal experiences. Do you have a video on the strengths and positive qualities of 6? I’ll have to check. For now, I just want to say Thank You 🙏🏼

[@Ari58739]

Fantastic video. 100% accurate - I am a 6w7 - My 40 year old son (7w6) and I have distressing conversations because he is not aware of what I need when faced with decisions or problems. I will ask him to watch this as I believe the points and suggestions you offer will help us tremendously. I want to watch Making It Work with Enneagram Type 7, too. For the same insights and benefits. This is an amazing lesson and you have a gift of clear and encouraging communication and wisdom. I feel relieved that I am not "weird". You were speaking directly about me and I am hopeful. Thank you, thank you.

[@Persefone94]

My man is a 6 and I am an 8. We have issues and fights, but an amazing bond because we really understand each other even though we sometimes should calm down a bit. This video is very accurate in describing him! I worry too, but I don't share it like he does, I fix it or I ignore it until it gets a bit nuts. I find it utterly meaningless to talk about issues unless I have an instant idea of what to do about them. I always fix it in the end. I think we worry equally, but about different things. I am a lot more brazen about things (like they are petty and I am not) and he is a bit too concerned about worrying.

[@themoonbleu627]

Pia Hellgren why are you as an 8 worrying so much are you atheist ?

[@void390]

I'm an E5 INTP in a relationship with an E6 ISFJ. This is one of the most useful videos I've seen on this personality type. Thank you so much. When we're good we're really good, but when we're bad it seems like it's easy for things to unravel. One thing that's really hard for me is that when he doesn't trust me he stops communicating with me, so I have to guess what it is he's worried about or what I did wrong. This video helps me to understand his mindset a little better. I think it will help me to recognize when I might inadvertently be dismissive of his perspective. The trust thing is hard, though. Sometimes it's really hard for me to give him what he needs in terms of affirmation. Sometimes I need space, and to him that can feel like rejection.

[@scottshelton9612]

void390 this is so interesting, I’m an E6 ISFJ as well and am having similar issues in my relationship, but I’m dating an E2 ENFP!

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

Finally free of diagnosis from my disorder! Thanks for the help from the Enneagram community. Working on being in harmony with my 1w2 as a 4w5. He makes me so happy, but I don’t know if I can make him happy in the long run...

[@BlueHazyDreams]

Somehow people think I'm complicated when you've upset me. I'm really not. 10 times out of 10 immediately coming to talk to me genuinely, without raising your voice, will solve the problem. Even if your argument really is the right one, apologize for the hurt feelings. Can't think of any situation in which both me and the other person weren't somehow a little at fault. It's when you make me confront you that things get dicey. That I have to be the one to confront you tells me you don't think this is serious, or you don't care that you hurt me, so instead of "I'm sorry," "I'm sorry, too," *hugs* I don't trust you, don't think you care about me, and I'm ready to tear you to shreds for it. And then I have close family members who know this, both from experience and me literally saying to their face whatever you do don't give me space, yet for some reason still won't confront me and will let me stew in my negative feelings about them. It's so hard for me to be direct with people, so when I am and you're not listening to me... why should I take that risk anymore?

[@mallollo]

Hi Jennifer, I want to thank you so much for all your videos, and especially this one :) I'm a 9w8 (INTP), my dad is a 6 (ISTJ) and I've always had looots of difficulties communicating with him. Yesterday I tried with him your "going into the hole" method, and I have to admit that it worked. Instead of telling him as usually "this is insane, why would you do this?" (INTP brutal kindness inside), I went with him through the whole thinking process, balancing together the cons and pros, and finally reaching the best solution - which was mine the whole time ^^... This time he didn't get upset as he usually does. I might consider to do that more often, although it's very painful for me as a 9 (he's always seeing potential problems everywhere, when there is no such things as problems in the world for me...) So thanks again for the knowledge and experience you share with us in your videos!

[@ptyleranodon3081]

I'm a 9 and my wife is a 6. I can totally relate. It can be very draining to 'go down the rabbit hole' myself, but maybe if I'm more proactive in the future perhaps the panic button can be disengaged more quickly and we can move on with life. And Jennifer, thanks for the tips!

[@Jen_nifer99]

haha the thing you said in the beginning is so true!! I recently had to press a button on the train in order to open the door.. and before I did that, I thought of all kinds of different horrible scenarios that might happen if I don't manage to press it.. Yep, I was worried about whether or not I'll manage to press a simple button. I'm sick haha awesome video! :) I was able to relate to everything

[@ashleyching3166]

What a winning response from a supportive husband;

[@newlifeme1]

I am a six and when I hear walk it off responses I hear "I dont care" because if they cared they would take your worries serious no matter how frivolous they may seem.

[@caliali1000]

You help me to be more compassionate with myself. Thank you.

[@tranthanh1353]

Oh Dear! thank you so much Jennifer!!! I am in love with a girl type 6, and truthfully I really do not know what to do with our relationship. However, after your talk, It's really blowed me up. From the the bottom of my heart thank you for your courage in sharing with.

[@themoonbleu627]

tran thanh what happened

[@Levigna1983]

Ps: I forgot to ask: where can I read more about the 6 focusing on bad memories instead of the good ones?

[@1umaLove]

That fuzzy ball on the background makes the video cozy;)

[@CrimsonHazmat]

Enneagram 6s have this thing where they frantically try to regain security if they're lost or overwhelmed. That's one thing I've noticed

[@patrarus6097]

Very well done, Jennifer. Thanks for your tireless work on enneagram education.

[@leahboynton1280]

Wow, just wow. Thank you, thank you. I got tears in my eyes.

[@Levigna1983]

As I was telling you in the comment to another video, I am in the process of finding out whether I am a 4, a 1 or a 6 as core type (although I also score high in 2). The process is very tiring. I can find something I relate with in all of the descriptions, so I cannot make up my mind. I resonated with what you said about always only remembering the bad things and just focusing on those. I resonate with needing to trust the person I have a relationship with with everything... I resonate with doubting myself a lot, although I don't resonate with the movie example. If I go to the movie with my bf and I like the movie and he doesn't, I just say I like it. I may eventually decide he has good reasons for not liking it and I may change my mind if he presents me with a very solid case, but when it comes to tastes, I am usually open about them but fear being judged or rejected because of them. Nonetheless, I will be open about it. I remember you said you had also 1 and 4 in your tritype, isn't it? I would love for you to make a video on how those show up, so I can get examples that will help me understand better who I am. In a way, I may be a 6 because when I read a defense mechanism, I see them all in me. ALL OF THEM. But I don't resonate with things being grey as the Sp 6, I am very black and white. Maybe that is my 1 which comes up strong? Thanks for all you video, anyway. I hope you pursue your dreams. And I would hope for you that you would stop putting so much faith on an external invented entity instead of realising that all you have comes from you and you alone :) 4s may not see their potential, but you sell out yours :)

[@JD-zi7ip]

Jennifer, you know the drill, now go for the job. Which is obviously what you want! Wow, this is one of the best talks about type 6, especially the phobic side, I've heard. I'd like to share it or use it somewhere. In the past I've thought I was a 6, and this is another reminder I'm not (5w6), but there are some interesting points of similarity and difference. The sheisty shit stuff is very much the same, at least for me.

[@ritagaston1556]

Jennifer.... such REAL info. You are so logical, articulate .. helps me greatly as a 6 every point is so pertinent to this particular distortion. ... even latching on to the negative AND if someone apologizes about being hurtful I can fall in love with them

[@amymills7223]

Jen, Are you Tritype 641? I am dating a 614 tritype (I think) and am amazed at how frustrated he can get over minor things throughout the day. Truly astonished. (I am probably about a 358 tritype). I very rarely experience fear and if I do, it is physical fear as in 'you are in real danger here, do something NOW'. I almost wish I could understand the source of anxiety more because I have no tools or experience to help me make sense of it.

[@THEENTREPRENEURSJOURNEY]

@jennifer, i have been watching you for around 5 years and i really do love your channel! If you haven’t, i think you will really enjoy looking into the KZbin channel “Dave Super Powers”. I’m seeing so much of what you talk about in there as well as other deeper layers if interested! It would be cool to see you start to make vids on objective personality! Anywhoo, thanks for all of the amazing vids over the years! Type 7 representing 😁😉🙌😆

[@cinemapsych809]

have you taken/gotten into the tritype at all?

[@mismiserables]

I feel like I'm definitely a 6 but I also relate to being a 9. Maybe I have 9 in my tritype.

[@Michelle-ek5do]

Hey Jennifer, my husband is a six like you too, and I'm 9. We're working through some phobias, and I'm wondering because he used to be counterphobic long before we met, but isn't anymore. Is it possible to intentionally change from phobic to counterphobic?

[@spacecat6544]

Please, can you do a video on how to tell the difference between enneagram 8 and counterphobic 6?

[@themoonbleu627]

SpaceCat easy you really need a video for that

[@427ang]

Thank you. You’ve helped me so much to understand myself.

[@pawneraser9022]

Youre my favorite 6 Jennifer

[@candacemyers2718]

You come off as an intp, not an infj. Much more analytical than infjs, but I cant tell if it's because you're a 6.

[@pugninja7037]

I love yr videos .. what would a 6 with a rs with a 7w8 be like

[@lisagonzales8853]

These videos are very helpful. Thank you

[@ahmedomar5419]

So, apologize, handle problems, and reassure them in order to fucking be more trusted and then you will be more qualified to face more of their overblown mental problems and make them feel safer and more secure!! I have now all the reasons for which I should get divorced. Many thanks!

[@leisolaboh]

Yeah, but you also get a shit ton of loyalty, honesty, dedication and even subservience that you don’t get with other types. I guess you have to have a high need for mental and emotional stimulation to handle one 🤣🤷‍♂️

[@jfish032]

Ugh... I can't relate to 6s.. I feel like they have nothing in common with 2s

[@leisolaboh]

I’m not sure you understand the enneagram.

[@ashleyching3166]

I didn't think 6's ever smiled ;-)

[@user-ep6up2sw2g]

This video has helped me understand my 6 so well. Thank you for this video! It has truly helped me see how certain input affects 6. I am ISFP 9 and I think as I've aged, I've developed good Ni to the point people have thought I was INTJ and will score that sometimes, so I'm often able to give some insight to my 6 that helps rather than hinders. I think another thing is I've always been on my own in life so it's forced me to troubleshoot problems quickly since I've only had myself to rely on. This video perfectly explained the anxiety triggers too and sometimes it can be hard to help an anxious person, but this helped put the anxiety in to perspective. Thanks again!

[@themoonbleu627]

2 B isfp as an intj yeah right 😂😂😂😂😂

[@cy_denl33]

I am an enneagram 621, and I will most definitely be alone forever because i’m incapable of being loved. my emotions are too out of tune 🙃🙃🙃🙃

[@cy_denl33]

Honestly though, I appreciated this video so much, and almost cried, because I didn’t think there was anyone that at least *understood* my needs. Enneagram 6’s are the best friends you’ll ever have, and that’s the tea

[@cinemapsych809]

I also wanted to add and get your take on this that while the what you refer to as the walk it off responce is a negative triggering responce to us while this responce of going down the rabbit whole symbolic responce is authentically healthy and helpful to us all of that I see as being true at least not only for you but me as well. I would also say that what is even a worse response then the walk it off is people who responed in a what I am going to refer to as the adding fuel to the sixes fire. One close family member of mine does both the walk it off but even more the adding fuel to the sixes fire. which is when you also worry and give us new reasons to worry or emphasis a concern to worry that we have already thought of or a bit of both. btw I dont know if this family member of mine is a 4 but I suspect she is unlike the myer briggs I have only had me and one of my different family members take the enneagram.

[@ashleyching5786]

Look outside self for guidance