Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Straight Men Who Have Sex With Men

This video by Dr. Joe, www.JoeKort.com, is about Straight Men who have Sex with Men: Childhood Sexual Abuse.
You can learn more at www.StraightGuise.com
Returning the scene of the sexual crime happens when someone is sexually abused in childhood. Psychotherapists call it trauma reenactment.
If you are someone struggling with unhealed sexual abuse there is help and there is hope.
I devote two chapters in my latest book, "Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi" because I see so much trauma reenactment of straight men having sex with men from childhood sexual abuse.
www.amazon.com...

[@albertpeckham8708]

As someone who was abused at 12 y/o + but now at 83 y/o...I can truly say that for the last 50 years I've come to terms with it and in all honesty, I'm a whole person who has lived beyond the pain and sorrow and has arrived at a good place. You must give yourself personal forgiveness. That's very important! If you do not forgive yourself there will be no healing. Hate and anger will not heal you. Let it go and celebrate your life. Bless you and go with the person whom you are.

[@dghhambo]

I am 44 i was molested at 9 for 4 months. I hid it well I honestly felt I came to terms with all this when I was young I still feel like I had a good child hood I still keep fantasizing about sucking dudes off. Does it ever go away

[@sarahalderman3126]

As a 44 year old woman, who was molested, raped, and abused beginning around 4/5 years old by my teenage cousins then raped again at 12. I struggled with ssa and porn addiction for the following 10 years. Long story short I do agree with your conclusion… and am working to find my peace❤

[@gino9171]

As a male sexual abuse survivor myself, I struggled with acting out from 11 years old on, for a good part of my life. I wasn't gay or bi. I got nothing out of the acting out but the climax and then instantly felt like I got hit with a truck full of shame & guilt. It took way too long to figure out the triggers & the roots of that uncontrollable drive, but I finally did. Sure I knew the CSA from my uncle 8-12 played a big part in it somehow, but what alluded me for most of my life was the fact that I never received from my Father the attention, affection & affirmation that I needed as a young boy. At 5 in kindergarten I knew that I didn't feel like I identified with the rest of the boys. I had 0 sense of self esteem or masculinity, I was envious of the other boys, and this was 3 years before the abuse even started. Add in the abuse & the family chaos... that made for one mixed up kid. At 11 I became highly sexualized, then it was me who went looking for the abuse from my uncle and started acting out with other boys, then later men. I had to dig back through all that shame & false guilt, figure out what I was seeking when chasing those mirages (sex with men), that only left me feeling worse & more thirsty than before. What I figured out was that I was chasing masculinity, that much needed affirmation, attention & affection. That unmet need was never quenched by sex with other men, but it was the coping mechanism my undeveloped child mind came up with all those years while suffering in secret. I had to realise that it NEVER worked doing it that way. I had to break out of my shell and make some healthy platonic connections to other men to feel part of the group, to soothe what I was missing all those years. I had spent most of my life hiding in plain sight, behind my high walls. What I built for protection became my prison. Yeah part of it was reenacting the abuse, another part was trying to build up my broken masculinity by conquering other men, these are the parts of it that the CSA added to the acting out that I did. Once I figured all this out, the drive for the acting out died, finally. Before this, I had risked my marriage, my kids family foundation, etc... I was out of control. This is a huge issue for so many male CSA survivors, I think its a good part of the reason so many suffer in silence. My story, kzbin.info/www/bejne/sGWtcnx7bZeBprc

[@dyl7452]

Thank you.

[@erroljewell7164]

Talk about telling my story this pretty much sums it up for me. I've never felt comfortable being gay or Bi or even straight. I always felt like I was drifting in the middle of an ocean with nothing but hope and a flimsy life preserver and if not for the God of my understand I would have killed myself many years ago. Thank God for the 12 steps of Sex And Love Addicts Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous. Those two groups in particular were and still are my life preservers.

[@Mat-Man7155]

You guys are too much you guys keep telling my story it wasn't with an uncle it was an older brother but same difference I don't know what to do anymore I'm still struggling 50 years old and I don't know I still have my kids they don't know never told them probably won't probably take it to the grave with me but makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one out there that it's happened to thanks for letting me share this getting off my chest I feel a little better

[@naughtguiletroupe]

@@erroljewell7164 There's a Q is LGBTQ+ for a reason. Anyhow, you're still part of the LGBTQ+ community whether you like it or not.

[@erroljewell7164]

I'm 72 now and have not once until now ever found anyone who could tell my story almost exactly. It's been a very lonely existence. Thank Gino. I've been a member of sex addicts anonymous and sex and love addicts anonymous for many years and still haven't found anyone who has told my story so closely. My wife of nearly 28 years passed July 31st of 2021 and not going back out there to act out with men because of the loneliness and loss has been excruciatingly difficult. God bless you and everyone here for being so open and honest. I'd love to connect with you or anyone to talk. Just talk. I can be found on Facebook if anyone cares to appropriately connect

[@hhc1948]

Sexual abuse of children, particularly same sex abuse tend to confuse those individuals later in life when it comes to their sexual identity. Later they feel like they are bi, when in reality they are just acting out on the sexual behavior they learned while being abused.

[@CocoaBeachLiving]

Me too! I'm a CSA survivor. It's taken me many years to get to where I am now with sexual identity and feel good in my skin. I am romantically attracted to females, but I am also sexuallity arroused by male anatomy. I feel good when I just allow myself to feel what I feel. I'm glad to have found your channel. You are very thoughtful and professional. I think I'd have got things figured out sooner had I had access to your style of therapy when I was younger. I guess better late than never.. Lol

[@zhaya_gallery]

Me too. I don't wanna put a dick in any man or them in me. I wanted to be the ideal specimen of a man. So I find male physique attractive. I tried a relationship with a man and found it intolerable. Finally I understood what was going on and focus on what I am. Little by little I disassociated sexualization with interest of being a real male. I understood it's not just body that makes a man, there are other things which I didn't know of as a kid. I appreciate great physique but in a totally non sexual way. Like if that same person would try to sexual on me we might have serious problem.

[@TheSupahJaws]

It sounds like you're bisexual and struggling to accept this.

[@CocoaBeachLiving]

@@TheSupahJaws I believe I am bisexual, I heard the term heteroromantic bisexual. I feel that's more accurate for me. It is what it is. Much more attracted to females and feelings of attraction, but still have a draw to a man's crotch meat. Does that help you? I'm comfortable with it.

[@TheSupahJaws]

@@CocoaBeachLiving Thanks for responding. Very helpful. Im happy for you - that you are at peace with your sexuality. I clearly misunderstood and thought you were struggling to accept your sexual attractions.

[@TheSupahJaws]

@@CocoaBeachLiving Can I ask if/why you believe your attractions to men are the result of abuse rather than an inherent part of your sexuality?

[@Cpripri85]

THANK YOU DR. I'm 33 straight Male in a relationship. After being touched my my buddy at 13 when I was 13, these sexual behaviors were with me throughout highschool. Though the memories are always with and I do my best not dwell on the past, they are still there. I have forgiven him, I believe he had issues that he acted on me and I did the same to another friend. YOUR HELP HAS BEEN BEYOND HELPFUL

[@chuckschafer942]

EXPERIMENTAION IS NORMAL

[@eheheh3263]

Isn’t that normal curiosity?

[@rafaella9700]

It's so sad that this happens. Sexual abuse is horrible

[@rafaella9700]

You are a danger to the public sir, you need to see a professional.

[@rafaella9700]

Oh, I'm sorry I assumed I was talking with an adult, and I'm kind of relieved that you are not, you are just a teen that is really confused about their own sexuality and are scared, and looking for answers, well I hope you find them and I hope you grow to realize that whatever happened to you, It's not your fault and its okay to ask for help and to speak to someone about it and it will get better, please stop spreading hate and start healing your soul.

[@earthsign7568]

chlidhood rape is an abomination

[@cozyknight1611]

I clicked on this video mostly out of curiosity only to end up realizing this might be exactly my situation but just the other way around. Assaulted by a woman in childhood, and now I have these compulsions towards women, even if I’m only really attracted to men.

[@eheheh3263]

Out of curiosity… do you feel like this assault had an effect on your sexual orientation??? Or have you always known what you’re attracted to?

[@theelectofthelivinggod5917]

Man... thank you so much for what you're doing. I know God sent you. Just as I felt I was the only one going through the mental hell of being molested for yeeeeeeears as a child into my teens. It's no joke. I'm in a relationship and we are both walking with God to see this deliverance through and endure the persecution that is on a millions everyday. But... GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD.

[@justjosie0107]

Thank you, this helps me understand myself. I experienced csa from a neighbor who was an older man. A year or so later, other older men at the park expressed interest in me and i submitted to them regularly. It just seemed that is what I was supposed to do. My own attractions or pleasure never entered into it. I felt compelled to please any older man who wanted me. I have always been so attracted to women and never men. However, I have continued reenacting what occurred with me as a youth ever since. Unfortunately, I am alone now and older. Due to me being honest, I admit what I have done to female romantic partners and have been immediately rejected. The rejection and loneliness had only caused me to engage in more frequent submissive activities with older men. It is a loop so to speak.

[@a.cruzclaudio9838]

Thank you for your compassion.❤

[@DaRyteJuan]

Wow. That was a very compassionate exchange you helped that client with. 👍🏻

[@francissynergia7385]

I get upset when we can never tell if he would have been sexually altered from the traumatic abuse

[@theelectofthelivinggod5917]

This pegs me the most bro bro.

[@EduardoLopez-qk9hk]

I never told this to nobody n i finaly relizing its time to let it out , ive held it since a child was sexualy abused forced to do what i didnt want to at a young age n ur right when i got older i used drugs n it brought out of me , but when im sober n normal im streight man always i never think bout that , n it hurts when i think bout bein raped i was young and inocent n now it has affected my life n i hate it , please where can i get the proper therapy n help to get rid of this trauma n pain n homosexuality i have like a vires thats eating me up n killin me n tired of i hate it after im sober please send help my brother i have lost alot including my beautiful wonderful fiance ive hurt do much, please help me show me the way to a new life free of drugs n homosexuality, thank u ngod bless

[@gracefullyrachel6573]

Prayed for you, God bless

[@RDchela]

I want to hear what you have to say. The background music is very distracting. If you make another clip plz omit it.😢

[@MG-fr3tn]

It could be true because a big data base of survivors could show a diverse range of renenactments. Like acting out when a small child on others could lead to a certain tramatized sexuality. All the possabilitys / Combinations could lead to diffrant disconcerting ideas. Evan the abonisment when such children are caught by inocent adults could lead to peculiar tramatic sexualization.

[@francoisbessing]

A shame imprint. Wow. Mine happened at age 7. I'll need to check into AMDR. Thank you for this.

[@THEEck5000]

I was so confused for years.

[@imabillionairelottowinner]

Youre a good man, helping 👏 so many people ❤

[@KCGeno]

I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. Wouldn't being sexually abused by males at a young age, tend to put a guy OFF of wanting same-sex activity later in life? Along those lines, I have heard repeatedly that girls who are abused by men at a young age, often lean toward lesbianism as they mature. Is this true?

[@KCGeno]

@@AKAwafan -- So sorry you're going through this. Hang in there. I hope your therapist is someone you can trust thoroughly.

[@blogger1851]

@@AKAwafanall men are bi this guy is a gay guy who has a fantasy for straight men

[@HI-gm8ih]

It’s a soul tie as a person who has been through it that’s the only way I’d be able to explain it sex is very dangerous especially when introduced young 😔

[@eheheh3263]

This is my thoughts exactly! Men who were sexually abused by men would be disgusted by other men sexually I would assume… why would they intentionally and consciously seek that what harmed them??? But I’m not a psychologist… so if someone who is knowledgeable can explain

[@extemporaneous4545]

I think a similar question can be asked, if a girl was childhood SA by a woman, very often she becomes a lesbian. So it's not the fact of who did it, or what gender did it, it's the fact that it was done, that's what turns them gay or lesbian. It's not about the person who did it. It's about the shame and guilt and confused feelings of the victim. Some of them even start believing that if they were the opposite sex, this wouldn't have happened to them, and they start down the road to trans. This knowledge can be used to counsel the children who have been traumatized in this way that they don't have to continue living as victims of their abusers, because children's minds are still pliable, so in effect keeping them straight, and away from becoming gay or trans as a result. But it's not being done because it's not politically correct.

[@shehjadkushkiwala4199]

is it okay for a man to talk about his childhood sexual abuse incident to his woman ?

[@beegee5305]

The sexual abuse situations seems like an exception to the rule. Sad that they have that imprinting.

[@beastlifestyle163]

Hi guys I am also struggling with homosexuality and had few encounters with transwomen I not able to control my desires but I will share my story when I was a child I was my parents making out infront of me for more than 12 years regularly from age of 1-14 years and my father touched me in such a way that made me uncomfortable I guess this is sexual abuse and after that my sociality was also bad which led me to path of homosexuality could this sexual abuse can be the reason that I am homosexual and how to overcome this I got hyper sexual before my right age could you please guide me how to become straight again the sexual urges are draining on me I don’t know for how much time I will able to control I guess I have no option but end my own life please guide me

[@mewe1023]

Hang in there buddy. Its one simple life, no need to go soon. You can or can't it doesn't matter. Live your life by ur own ways. I know its hard because im struggling too., but hey...You can do it man. you can break the trauma. Believe me, you can.

[@beastlifestyle163]

@ have you faced this similar issue or are you still facing

[@mewe1023]

@@beastlifestyle163 I got abused 4 times, i cannot stop them from doing it but after a while i craved the feeling. It developed into fantasies that i don't like at all. Im still struggling to live with those thoughts all day. The urges are real, and when u tell others they just label u as gay and they don't want to help u. People are in denial.

[@lucerysvelaryons]

but that is trauma reenactment..

[@Test-nj4fx]

I see you wrote a book for women about this. Did you write a book for men about it, too?

[@JoeKort]

@@Test-nj4fx no but many men have read this book and still find it helpful. There is a website www.StraightGuise.com

[@davidk.7264]

You hit it 100%.............this is me

[@TheSupahJaws]

This sounds like utter bs. If you're a man sexually aroused by other men, you're probably either gay or bi. There's no shame in that. Accept it and move on. It seems most likely (to me) that continued distress is caused by shame and guilt for having these attractions. Whatever the case may be, I hope y'all find peace

[@rexgeorgerodriguez7620]

I think aside from pure attraction to the same sex without the external factors, trauma can also lead too. It's a coping mechanism for the victims, its borderline attraction and dealing with the trauma. Some people with this trauma accept this coping mechanisms that will develop as a authentic attraction later on or purely hate it but still doing it.

[@CreamCobblerFiend]

@@rexgeorgerodriguez7620 Its a coping mechanism for sure but your sexuality cannot be described as straight if you have these attractions. The cause of those attractions is irrelevant.

[@earthsign7568]

It's not b.s. Raping a boy child strongly imprints sexual development and this trauma causes a strong dissociative/trigger response around men later in life which can lead to re enactment that is not controllable. Making a child sexual way before natural maturity is devastating and that wound can last a lifetime. I am talking from personal experiencce of childhood rectal assault.

[@mewe1023]

😢 i feel bad for you.

[@mewe1023]

​@@CreamCobblerFiendirrelevant ? did u watch the video ?

[@craigfonger985]

To me this seems like a lot of mental gymnastics for a lot of men not to have to give up their heterosexual privilege and perpetuate the erasure of bisexuality. Yes, child sexual trauma happens and yes I’m sure a lot revisit the abuse in multiple ways, but, after a few times, if one continues seeking out and enjoying sex with another man and feeling guilty afterwards - the only guilt they are feeling is not living up to what society expects of them, or feeling guilty about what their Karen wife would think. I see many talking about what needs these guys have to be filled as an excuse for their same-sex pursuit - maybe those needs aren’t so unhealthy. Either you’re seeking out homosexual outlet or you’re not and there is nothing wrong with that. What if these guys were seeking out homosexual outlet without having ever experienced CSA? Where’s the convenient explanation now? Indeed, people are damaged by the manipulation by they experience of CSA and dealing with the attendant psychological issues around that is important and sex addiction may be a part of that. But, if the same-sex attractions don’t disappear after that, maybe you’re just bi and stop with the mental gymnastics and enjoy being in the consensual same sex encounter you’ve pursued.

[@altudy]

I agree with what you say. I'm a 66 year old gay guy and I've met my fair share of bisexual men who are in denial and tell themselves the most bizarre stories to explain away their physical attraction. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is an excuse I have never heard, but there are plenty of others...eg "If I don't kiss a guy it means I must be straight" or "If I keep my eyes closed" or "If I'm the active partner then really I'm behaving like a heterosexual male" (that's a very popular one!) or "I can only be romantically involved with a woman so my physical attraction to men is irrelevant." The childhood sexual abuse one is extremely neat because it frames homoerotic behaviour in the narrative of victimhood, that the bisexual is essentially a straight male who has been damaged and a layer of learned homoerotic behaviour has been superimposed on their 'normality' The weakness of the childhood sexual abuse argument is that the abused children progress into adulthood to ABUSE children in their turn, whereas the type of men discussed in this video are having sexual relations with other consenting adult men.

[@oeleveoleve.7562]

@@altudy ok with you.... 72 yrs old gay here.... my experience during my sexual live got me to this conclusion: sex is a matter of liking ... lot of men when i flirted with them (a lot) told me... i wont go if the guy does not like me..... they select the guy (gay or not) due to his liking.... sex is very, very complex.... thanks god it is.... i had a wonderful sexual live,,, ah i'm still enjoying it.....

[@gordon3186]

@Doe RaeMe --- *There's NO sex act that two men can engage in that a man and woman cannot, and very often do. Except perhaps in your case.*

[@gordon3186]

@Doe RaeMe --- *There is no sex act an infertile couple can engage in that produces a baby either. Moreover, there are plenty of sex acts a man and woman can engage in that also DON'T produce a baby. So it's not the acts you consider "per verse," [sic] it's the gender[s] of the persons involved. Well, get over it.* *Homosexuality occurs in 450 species. Homophobia in only one.*

[@gordon3186]

@Doe RaeMe --- *Who said I was referring to homosexual couples and not infertile heterosexual ones? I wasn't. But of course you knew that and were just playing dumb. Something you're surprisingly good at.* *(Psst...you're incapable of producing a baby with your hand, but I bet you never let that stop you.)*

[@zizzolizzo]

Don’t tell about the trauma.....not homosexual but desire homosexual acts? It’s so confusing! Why desire something that’s a trauma? I don’t understand that! Ugh how awful:(

[@erroljewell7164]

I'll be talking to my therapist about this tomorrow morning.

[@theelectofthelivinggod5917]

Trauma bonding

[@rexgeorgerodriguez7620]

I think because trauma victims need coping mechanisms that rooted to the caused of it, we mistook homosexuality as a result of traumatic events from sexual acts which is not entirely true. Of course attraction to the same sex is pure attraction but sometime people who don't even romantically attracted to it becomes attracted because of trauma. It's like some women who prefer older men because of some impactful events of their life that causes them to choose older men because its gives them sexual satisfaction. It's the same for the same sex, not all gay people experience or witness sexual assault.

[@mewe1023]

​@@rexgeorgerodriguez7620but majority of the lgbt suffers from trauma, i would say 70-80% of homosexuality is just a trauma response.

[@bryanyarrington5792]

I really need some Mental help from this therapist.

[@maikeliphillips850]

Your a god send doctor I was sexually abused by my cousin

[@mikemiller3504]

Isn't the confusion more about the labels assigned to behaviours? Why not try these are human behaviours and they are normal.... stigma is gone. The torture these individuals suffer is more a result of the all or nothing judgement of others and society who desperately need to be validated regarding their identity sexual and otherwise as determied as normal and correct ... as determined by repressed christian or other religious doctrine. You are determined to be a person of value onlly if you fit within and stay within the narrow costricting boundaries. To justify their rightous feelings of superiority the demonization of those who remain unfettered by stale antiquated doctrines meant to control the masses for profit. Allowing individuals to freely and natutfully engage intellectually, emotionally and physically regardless of sex in a human, normal manner. Maybe the mirror should be turned around and let's look at how and why some become so basic and unevolved.

[@mewe1023]

I know its hard for you to understand but u have to do it because i can't understand it for you. Also the insult at the end is chrry on the top lol 😂. What a crap u are.

[@sailingsam3815]

Can you talk about Armie Hammer?

[@Tmhen]

What BS- if this were true then why don't we have grown men crying about the first time they were with a girl and subsequent others as 'abuse' and imprinted as questionable and icky? lmao

[@mewe1023]

Abuse and consensual sex r different. Are u a 9 ?

[@Foreverandever789]

Check out. JESUS SAVES SINNERS

[@victormalyar9200]

No he does not, a rabbi told me he didn't die for our sins; he died for his sins. No proof Jesus ever existed.

[@Foreverandever789]

@@victormalyar9200 The world is falling apart...JESUS is getting closer and closer Read Revelation 6:12-17 in your Bible " A prayer to go to HEAVEN " Lord I am a sinner and I believe that JESUS died on the cross for my sins. Buried afterwards, then rose from the dead. Read John 3:36 in your Bible Check out, # I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN Life is short !

[@sadem1045]

​@@victormalyar9200DISCLAIMER: I am not Christian Almost all historians, who have studied the topic, agree that Jesus was a real person. Whether or not he died for human kind's "sins" is another matter.

[@Faithfullfertilitytv]

@@sadem1045 Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: Gal 1:4