r/AmiTheA**Hole For Sticking Up For My Girlfriend?

[@davidwoodard1924]

I am a step father. My wife's daughter moved in with us when she was fifteen and she would use that, "Your not my real dad," on me when she wanted to hurt me. The one word she would use on me that I hated more than any other was, "Whatever". But her real father was an abusive alcoholic and I won't even get into how horrible his family was. But the day I overheard her explaining to one of her friends the difference between us. He was her birth father. I was Daddy. I cried that day. We have long since had that talk about me being one of only three men she could ever count on in her life to be there for her. Me, her grand father (my wife's father) and her husband. I was the second step father and she figured I'd be just like the other two. When I wasn't she tried to prove that I was faking. That was twenty five years ago and she is very protective of me. Just be there for her. Love her. Good luck.

[@kirstenornelas881]

Glad you two have been able to build such an amazing and loving relationship. It is not easy for children of divorce, esp those who had a bio father who is an alcoholic and is abusive, I sadly had both in my ex husband and after we had the two kids he became more violent towards me, after MY dad died suddenly he began to drink even more than he had been, I had no idea a human could consume so much alcohol honestly, and he got into some very dark videos that are actually listed as torture and began to up the abuse towards myself. One day the kids being 5 and 3 he began to be abusive towards me in front of my 5 year old, he had always kept it out of sight of the children prior to that, and my child was screaming for him to "stop killing my mommy!" I looked at her , tears streaming down her face, screaming in fear and he stops and says "DON'T BE AN FING IDIOT WE ARE JUST PLAYING!" ... That was my lightbulb moment that it was not just effecting me alone and my children were now being traumatized and I needed to get the children and my self out of there! I was not playing and she was not just upset she was terrified! I ended up calling a friend I had grown up with as he was the only person I even knew for 400 miles and had nobody else to help us get out that day. He did not even question it and came and got us and we spent a few months w him while I got back on my feet and found an apt then after a few months of us in our own place he comes over one day and knocks on my door, when I open the door he handed me flowers he picked and said "why don't you and the kids just come home".... We have been together going on 11 years now and the kids feel he is their dad and when ppl ask or the kids are brought up in conversation he always simply says his daughters when referring to them.He has been my rock and the best dad a mom could have ever asked for. Sadly, the trauma we went through at the hands of my ex husband will always be there and have an effect on us but through therapy and supporting each other we have healed a great deal and continue to heal as the years go by. Good on you for standing by kiddo even when you were feeling hurt and as if she did not love you or care about you at all, it takes these kids time to trust again and you proved that she could trust you ..Do not ever let that fall apart and you will only continue to build a stronger parent/child bond :) Much care and happy thoughts from one unique family to another ... may you have many years to build many more amazing memories as a family.

[@clarehidalgo]

When ever I hear "your not my real dad" it makes me think of my friends in high school, we'd say that to each other when ever someone else nagged us regardless of gender lol

[@robinwhite4148]

I told my stepdad he was not my father once. I would move mountains to take away that hurt on his face when I did that. It was cruel and he was my dad for all intents and purposes. I told him I was sorry later but he never scolded me after that. I will never be able to take it back and it is one of my few regrets. Step parents are parents by choice. Lots of respect for you.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

I’ve found the best way to deal with teens and when they say awful things. Don’t take it personally and don’t retaliate. You did it right daddy ❤️✌️

[@deciduous_99]

You earned that Dad. How really wonderful for you both.

[@AlteredNova04]

My best friend randomly stabbed me in the back unprovoked, so I grabbed the knife away and stabbed her back. Am I the Ahole? Reddit: Everyone sucks here, you should have been the bigger person and not stooped to her level...

[@pansprayers]

Yeah, I feel like it's a recurring problem sometimes on Reddit.

[@atinyevil1383]

Reddit doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes, a person won’t learn unless they get the same treatment back. I don’t think that’s “stooping to their level”, that’s “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

[@mareekeay8670]

I thought the same, but those who allow this mother's attitude to continue than blame them for not stopping it earlier.. I mean on the plus side the mother knows she can't continue with that behaviour.. 🤷‍♀️

[@terrancereed5285]

That analogy is horrible anyone who randomly stabs you in the back is not your friend however you would be even less of a friend not to curb their enthusiasm of randomly stabbing people by stabbing them back.

[@RaizelSX]

Really funny as the song goes 🎶Try Jesus, don't try me... Cause I fight🎶 Don't dish it if you can't take it

[@eph2vv89only1way]

The mom not appreciating gifts reminded me of a “gift” my daughter once gave me as a child. She had been outside playing and came in and announced to me, “I helped you with your garden! I planted dandelion seeds!” Instead of making her feel terrible by telling her that dandelions are weeds, I looked at her heart and thanked and hugged her. Not only that, I tended the dandelions as they grew. My daughter was way more important than whether or not I liked the gift

[@tinydancer7426]

Darlene you missed the boat ...... you should have told your daughter that dandelions are good in a tossed salad, that some people grow them for a vegetable and then together you could have looked through cookbooks and/or (if this was during the time we have the internet) looked for recipes online ...... and then harvested them together and then cooked with them ......

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@tinydancer7426 I actually didn’t know that information at the time. The only time I had ever heard of dandelions as food back then was my grandfather making dandelion wine. I know different now but back then I had no idea

[@abbyjackson5288]

That is so beautiful! You could have a dandelion cooking day together!

[@tinydancer7426]

@@eph2vv89only1way Yes .....dandelion greens can be used in cooking and prepared in the same manner as other dark "bitter" greens. And, if you pick the leaves while still very young and tender, the flavor will be somewhat milder and can be used in salads ....... or at least that's what my sister tells me .... she uses dandelion greens, rash and turnip tops, etc in salads ...... not my thing but if I have kale, collards, broccoli, etc growing in my garden, I will pick them when they are tiny and they are quite tasty

[@rannvamacdonaldarnskov4794]

@@tinydancer7426 I dehydrate and mill the roots into flour I mix in baking, though during WWII, you made "war coffee" with it, which is boiling it into a bitter tea that, what I've heard, is supposed to at least resemble coffee. Dandelion wine is the best wine I've ever brewed, too bad I didn't have good bottles and most of it spoiled. I'll try again sometime, but for now I'm letting them be for the bees to get food from.

[@Dragon-di1zg]

Wedding flowers, asking for flowers for the whole wedding is very different than adding a few flowers to a bouquet. Plus the flowers that the sister is demanding for her wedding are not even in season. The brother is NTA

[@darksaber230]

Agreed also if you cut too many flowers off a plant especially at the end of the blooming season of the plant it can shock and kill the plant. Bulb plants are different, I believe as long as the bulb is okay and doesn’t dry out or get certain fungi in it they will rebloom. My grandma used to grow lots of flowers in her front yard from poppies to irises to roses. I learned from her. As a young child (like single digit age) I would cut some of her flowers and she would always smile and say thank you and be happy. She would also remind me not to take to many from each plant and a one point she she showed me how to properly cut the flowers and made a nice bouquet for my mom.

[@arrohart8321]

I'm a beginner gardener and would be upset if someone came into my garden like it was walmart and started shopping for plants that they had an option to get earlier. And OP didn't completely leave his sister with nothing. He did offer her a rose from the garden. While it's only one, that's all you really need to represent someone. When she denied that and kept pushing OP for other flowers, it seems like she really just wanted free fancy flowers more than her mother

[@WobblesandBean]

@@arrohart8321 ^ This. She didn't care at all about her mom, she just wanted a free floral service.

[@blondie7740]

I agree. And since the flowers were all getting ready for winter, it would not be good for them just to cut them completely off, it could harm their growth the next season. He gave her what he could without hurting the plants, so they could continue putting on a show in the future.

[@TraceyJeanne]

Two things wrong with the first story: the comment about his mother being screwed - & forcing kids to be with a stranger, to be with what you called a vile woman for 24 hours. Never give kids to someone who doesn’t want to watch them. That’s how they get mistreated. Otherwise I’m all for petty revenge, the mom definitely deserved something , but without the kids involved.

[@Shywest2010]

See I'm probably very naive in some situations because when I first heard and read the "mother being screwed" comment my mind went to oh yeah because if somebody screwed here over when she did something shitty then she'd know that people can find ways to have petty revenge and this was a first of someone showing her how crappy her behavior was. Then it got to the comments and I was like "Ooohhhhhh.....I guess i read it differently than what it was meant to mean" 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@sharonblevins3281]

NTA. Sorry, I think it was a good lesson for mom to learn. The final comment didn't sit well though.

[@clarehidalgo]

The revenge being "you are a childcare professional, watch the kids" was to mirror the "your a hair dresser, do my hair" but yeah never leave kids with a person they don't know who doesn't want to spend time with them.

[@kellyalves756]

@@clarehidalgo… which would have been a great example to offer in a conversation of “ how are we going to properly compensate gf for a $200 job?”

[@jessiejeanne9717]

My son needed an IEP. I said "yes, please" and then he received an IEP. It should be that easy for everyone! I was very surprised.

[@emilyfallaw5912]

IEPs are very useful, I know from personal experience.

[@kirstenornelas881]

It should be that easy but sadly on many areas it is extremely difficult to get just the IEP.. much less get early intervention or have those involved actually follow the IEP. I'm glad you were able to get things done easily it makes a huge difference in long term outcomes for children with disabilities and or mental, emotional, behavioral issues.

[@joshmoore7970]

At my HS the kids didn't do the work. The people helping them would give up on helping them cause most wouldn't do the work with the help and the kids would get the aswer sheets. (Edit): even tests and quizzes

[@emilyfallaw5912]

@@joshmoore7970 That sounds ineffective.

[@joshmoore7970]

@@emilyfallaw5912 af

[@kevinavillain4616]

Mom's flowers for a November wedding Markee you need to re-read your story to yourself. You never denied her flowers until she kept asking for stuff that didn't exist he kept pointing out that it didn't exist the final thing that got him frustrated was when she asked for a variant on her requests that once again there were insufficient flowers to generate a bouquet which is when he said fine nothing go away stop bothering me. It's pretty clear from everything that occurred up to that point and everything in the curd after that point that the sister hears what she wants. I think the thing that people are missing here is the month. I think the other problem that exists is it seems like he is constantly trying to accommodate his sister informing her there just is not that biggest selection available. She's unwilling to accept that fact. One of the things I've noticed in the past stories is the OP's are extremely limited by character count. It's very likely there is insufficient flowers of quality to create a bouquet that the sister would accept or use if there is history of criticism buy the sister. This would mean the brother wasted a lot of time for nothing. So there's a scenario that exists a lot of times that can't be put in the original story because of word count limitations

[@tomdean1876]

I don't know about the other parts of the word, but the only things with color in Iowa in November is pine trees and grass.

[@kevinavillain4616]

@@tomdean1876 kind of thing I'm thinking of must be awful far south 😁 only thing that's been green around here lately has been my gills🤢🤣 luckily no beer virus

[@atinyevil1383]

Right. Reddit didn’t understand in this story how plants work. A lot of plants that flower aren’t in season in NOVEMBER. Also, cutting flowers/taking too many fruits and veggies off of plants would permanently damage the plant. To me, it sounds like OP has tried to explain this to his sister, but she won’t listen unless the answer is “yes”. He even offered some flowers rather than a full bouquet, but she refused AND only wanted specific flowers that grow in spring and maybe summer. So I’m not sure how OP would be the ass in any world.

[@OneFryShort4]

I HATE be the bigger person statement!!!!!

[@tomdean1876]

@@atinyevil1383 No no, because it's for a wedding (a women's SPECIAL day) nature must bend to her will and magically grow flowers in NOVEMBER, just a mere MONTH from DECEMBER the coldest month of the year.

[@stephaniewilson3955]

You cannot provide flowers that do not exist. Why is everyone ignoring this? I doubt that there is a single rose in NOVEMBER.

[@teresafinch7790]

Depends where you live I live in the South of England, and have often seen roses out even after Christmas.

[@2212blackstar]

I was thinking this like unless you work or know someone who has access to roses or any particular flower for a major event it’s best to get them in advance otherwise unless op is just a mad genius Gardner who breeds them she’d be lucky to take what I’m offering especially when it’s free

[@carolroberts4614]

Yes,same here. We have a rose bush in the front garden and there's often roses on Christmas day.(South coast too)

[@BankruptMonkey]

Wow was Reddit sympathetic to Anne, but she wasn't just a liar. She went out of her way to hurt people if she didn't think they were the right kind of people. That's not just protective lying, that's being a sociopath.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

I had a feeling she was and was so confused on why reddit was trying so hard to frame Ruby as the bad guy

[@jadedjane6241]

Rarely I have seen such a classic case of sociopathy. It is frightening to realize that one can go to such extremes to make things "right" in their world. The major problem here is that a sociopath can never be trusted not to be selfish and manipulative. Anne will now give the "right" answers to the therapist and family and slowly make a "recovery". If the therapist doesn't let themselves be manipulated, she will invent something and replace them/get them fired. She will determine what would be natural for her and how to make herself the victim and survivor and ultimately the winner. She will keep Ruby around because that will make her family feel reassured that she is "getting better". She might write a book and start touring and becoming a life coach. I am sorry for the family and any future people that have to be in contact with her for any reason since she has no problem with destroying lives to suit her image.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@jadedjane6241 yeah that's EXACTLY what I was thinking! Her behavior screams sociopath! She literally ruined people's lives and reputations because she thought her friend group was too big or because they weighed too much or had the wrong interests. She's a terrible person and I feel bad for anyone who's going to be drawn into her web. Unfortunately I think you are exactly right and she's going to pretend to make a full recovery but just get better at hiding her lies and manipulation.

[@melaniescribbles]

On the Waluigi one: I already ruled NTA when I saw the title. I'm autistic (and thus, special needs myself in a way), and from that perspective? Squarely NTA! Also, I'm grateful that Markee decided to not traumatize us with the picture: can we all appreciate that for a second? I'm a visual learner and it's sometimes the only way I can memorize something, so there wouldn't have been enough eye bleach in the world. Glad that both parties in this stories learnt something though, I've seen worse endings to this kind of story.

[@lauriestlyon8773]

The kids who lost their parents. NTA. Two 16yr olds who both need help. Both reacting.to things they can't control.

[@strangebunny22]

The flower story is actually being misunderstood, Op did offer what he COULD as in he didn't have much left to give his sister for a NOVEMBER wedding. I would say NTA because he had tried to be reasonable. I don't know how many roses he would've had in November in his region but in NH roses are dormant way before November I know because we have a climbing rose plant that blooms from summer to maybe early fall at the latest. The sister on the other hand is being unreasonable, she's asking for OUT OF SEASON flowers and expecting to get full bouquets of healthy flowers. The thing I think is being focused on is that he would give only one rose nothing else, not the fact that that rose may actually be the ONLY ROSE that looks healthy and the only one he could get from the garden in the middle of fall when most flowers would be dead.

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

Anne went to more conscious effort to calculatedly triangulate Ruby - *her best freaking friend* - just to protect her own image, than I have ever heard of, in any other story. _Wow_ . Can we call a _categorical_ Narcissist a Narcissist, already? I mean, I know that word gets thrown around pretty casually, but _this_ is some legitimately clinical shit. #trash

[@charliefinnmichael4770]

So for the C-PTSD story where the dad got angry at the "insinuation"(?) about OP needing to get money for a clinic, apparently that story nearly gave me a panic attack, because its terrifyingly close to my dads reaction if he found out that I -think- know hes a big part of my trauma, he manipulated me and kicked me out to live with my grandparents when I was 11

[@sunnishae5047]

He sounds lovely.

[@debc6260]

Last story. "Oh Anne's not really evil, just troubled" Anne ruined people's lives but she is just TROUBLED?? Nah, she's evil.

[@JutlandAngel]

Right, she almost seem cartoonish evil, to the point she could be a White Lotus from a Light Novel.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

Sociopathic

[@amelianekomimi1936]

She doesnt seem cartoonish imo. Some people have this weird control issue over their image and it drives them NUTS.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

"What felt should be right." Makes me wonder if it's some sort of OCD

[@tubulartom666]

I was thinking the same thing about a form of OCD. She knows it’s wrong and she’s hurting people but seems compelled to do things in order to make herself feel at ease. Sounds like when people perform rituals like touching things a certain amount of times to make sure bad things don’t happen or washing your hands extra times when they’re already clean so they can really feel clean. Either way what a wild ride.

[@beegee1960]

About the family tree story. Dependí on how large the town is, the other parents might know OP outside of school. The daughter might be friends with some of her classmates, room mother meetings, overnight visits, birthday invitations, etc.There are dozens of ways the parents could have her contact information aside from the school giving it to her. But everyone is out of line here in berating OP, especially the teacher. As a former elementary teacher, I learned early in my career that you HAVE to listen to parents whenever they express concerns about any assignments of a personal nature. The teacher should have stepped up and informed both the parents and the principal that OP only did what she asked her to do. She was a coward.

[@lauriestlyon8773]

The flowers story. The sister is probably quite self centered but also has grief about her Mum and wedding stress on top. NTA. The flowers she wants are not in bloom.

[@ZombieSazza]

I feel for the OP being diagnosed with cPTSD, because that’s exactly how my father was with me, along with my mother abusing me and her enabling my brothers abuse. Sadly, OP is at the very early stage of trying to defend his abuser, trying to explain away his abusers behaviour, and hasn’t quite come to terms with the abuse he’s lived through. The best thing OP can do it cut contact with his father and go through therapy. It took me years to be able to speak about my abuse freely, and that I was never at fault, how much damage my family did to me, and learning to navigate life with the mental health problems I’ve had to live with my entire life. It takes really hard work, and I hope OP has a good support system. And of course naturally his father only believes military can get PTSD, that’s an attitude I’ve met far too often. We just fought a different kind of battle, doesn’t make our PTSD less valid.

[@Tammohawk1]

lol, I haven't heard that one in years. "Haven't been .... in years..." But what a horrible thing to do to someone. Demand at least $200 worth of services when you first meet someone for free? That girlfriend is a saint. Now, while I understand that what OP did in response probably isn't viewed as very wise, stooping to her level etc... Sometimes it's the ONLY way to get your point across to someone as well all know from these stories. That poor girl for losing it like that. Not OP, but the other gal. I'm not going to blame OP because she's young and teenagers brains aren't fully formed yet. Both girls are clearly hurting and OP's friend sounds like she really needs help.

[@tamitami7396]

Gardener here, Umm, good luck going outside in November to pick enough pretty little flowers for a bouquet! They are dormant in pretty much all but tropical areas. I live in Florida, Central, even here not going to happen. Most flowers bloom only during certain times and not all year long!

[@Autumn8564]

First story - the boyfriend handled this absolutely perfectly!

[@bluejaywoman3421]

and he used living children as props in this stunt.

[@zerobolt9506]

Question, I've heard that one before, what if the kids & girlfriend was in on the plan, also he could have been lying about being drunk, also he knows his mother better then we do, so with that would it change anything. And when I say if the kids know, i mean what if they were in on a plan to mess with future grandmother.

[@locusxe1411]

@@zerobolt9506 that makes it even worse

[@jaggirl]

Better than using deceased children..😁 That would be creepy.

[@supercali413]

At the end of the season you run the risk of traumatizing the plants right before the winter. This could harm them long term.

[@autumn557]

First story. Petty and I love it. But everyone saying it was dangerous leaving the kids, the woman works with kids so I doubt it was dangerous.

[@rachelcrawford1977]

I love how she’s a piece of crap did an awful thing then just expected to suck it up be the bigger person. I mean come on the mom was needing a life lesson and let’s be honest it’s was the only way to show how bad she was plus she now is paying back for free hair

[@locusxe1411]

Yeah it’s still ESH. Sorry

[@_Fizel_]

(4 stories in, I just realized this is a 2 and a half hour video XD) Second story: NAH. OP is NTA as Kate snapped and hurt OP first and OP was emotional and fired back. But they are both emotional, hormonal, anxious teens in bad spots. The commenter who said Kate can't be mad because she lashed out first is just what I thought. The people arguing that OP said wrong because it was damaging are missing the fact that Kate screamed that they weren't a real family and that is damaging as well. Third: NTA. Sister lost my empathy when she demanded all the flowers she could get and the out of season ones. She is indeed just being bratty about it. Also yes it would kill the plants she demanded. OP said they didn't have a full bouquet of the second types she wanted. Fourth: NTA. Joe is an ahole. Invited himself to it and knew he couldn't pay. Then racks up more then the two paying people. I think OP may be right on the nose.

[@locusxe1411]

I’m still going with NTA for story 2. Ik their teens but come on. I hate hearing the bs about being hormonal and emotional teenagers. We know better than to start bs at a friend table because they have a loving family

[@_Fizel_]

@@locusxe1411 I guess I do it see a bit different as what she said actually made me cry. I was adopted at birth (well before birth but long story) so her thinking that about situations like that breaks my heart and feels personal. Then I remember that a lot of kids don't get that, don't get anything, and so I was pretty lenient because of that.

[@KE-hr4sb]

Respectfully disagree. Little bit of background about me for relevance, I was not adopted, but I was physically and verbally abused by family and told they hated me and wished I'd never been born, after one particularly brutal argument. Once they calmed down, it was "Oh I was just mad, I didn't mean it," and they expected it to be rug swept. Because of this, I have a huge issue with someone lashing out to purposely hurt a person, just because they were hurt. Kate should not have said what she did, absolutely, but OP intentionally hurt her back, and to me, that's worse. She needs to learn to control her temper or one day she'll be surprised Pikachu face when someone decides not to take "I was provoked, I was defending myself, she was an AH to me first," etc. as an excuse. Also, requesting people be kind in their judgments to her when she was purposely unkind to someone she calls a friend, is a bit rich to me.

[@_Fizel_]

@@KE-hr4sb You seem to be letting Kate off easy there since she did the exact same thing.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@_Fizel_ I can see why you might get that impression because I glossed over her, but no, I do think she's just as much of an AH. She should not have said what she did, at all, and I agree with the commenter that said teenager shmeenager argument, she knew better than to do that but she did it anyway. They're both TA, but just explaining why what OP did seemed worse, to me.

[@hamsterfangaming1441]

When markees voice broke at the heartbeat story i almost cried sometimes its easy to forget that the voices we listen to theres a person behind it with feelings and thoughts also i do send out my prayers to that mom hoping she'll one day be able to heal at least a bot

[@sapphicgeek24]

God, the story with the mom and the gifts sounds exactly like my mother. Believe me, those kids are absolutely being effected by it.

[@kalynshafer751]

I know the waluigi thing was making that guy uncomfortable and was highly inappropriate in the work place but it made me laugh so hard. That's hilarious.

[@aliquot8404]

Waluigi porn? Of course, being out of step on popular culture (at least on the comic book level), I really did have no idea a first why people would find this so hilarious. I'm glad that OP holds no grudges, everyone kept their jobs, and most surprisingly, the two remained good friends both at work and while sharing the same jokes, but not in the workplace. Surprisingly, very happy ending.

[@vk4940]

I told a kid in a similar situation, as we were driving down the road, “Yesterday, we had a moment. It meant the world to me. We never have to talk about it. And that’s okay.”

[@MsAnimefan95]

13:23 "You were insanely and unnecessarily cruel to this girl" And she wasn't? She flat out said that OP should have been the one in the group home. And that commenter's only issue is that it wasn't "the way and place to express" her feelings, but still says that they're valid.

[@majoroverkill4532]

In the last story, the way OP described the situation made me feel sympathetic towards Anne because it sounds like she is dealing with serious issues that is causing her to be disconnected from reality. If I remember correctly these issues are more of an emotional problem than a mental problem, and the obsession to play the role of their ideal self is usually caused by severe depression or other similar emotions, the tendency to view themselves as an "ugly" existence or the general fear of others seeing the "ugliness" behind their masks

[@bluejaywoman3421]

If the child was offered the IEP and the family turned it down, the education is not what is best for the child or the class as a whole. My child has an IEP, she has been moved to smaller classrooms, to help her and the whole class. There were going to transition her to a normal class but then the pandemic hit. And just because I child has an IEP does not mean they are not smart. My child, the way I describe her, intellectually she has the dial ramped up past 11, emotionally she was below age level. She also has sensory issues (loud noises). She has been reading at the high school level since she 10. Writing at the 7th grade level since then. Just her emotional level and her intellectual level are so far apart she has trouble regulating. If it is really bad, the IEP issue, the school could call CPS and charge the parents with Educational Neglect.

[@reinwolf534]

For story1 is everyone ignoring the fact that the mother knew she was a hairdresser before she actually met her? That's some serious stalker stuff there. And the comments saying it's misogynistic to imply a woman needs to be screwed by a guy to be put in place. A guy was never mentioned he could have meant it to whoever she is interested in. Not everything has to lead to men are horrible pigs lordy. I have to say nta

[@Alisha21210]

It's not about mentioning a guy. It's the fact they're saying a woman can't function like a standard human being without being fucked senseless regularly. A woman's sex life doesn't determine whether your sane or not... And the fact that whole idea is only put on women is why they say it's misogynistic. The son is disgusting in that regard and I hate the mom for forcing the gf to do such tedious work for free! 20$ is an effing tip at best.

[@reinwolf534]

@@Alisha21210 thank you for explaining how it was intended. I have seen it used for both sides so I didn't think of it in that way. And I absolutely agree with the second part of your comment

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

OP should realize that cooking the Thanksgiving meal is the mom's job; that's the way HIS mom always did it. LOL

[@susettegoudeau1155]

Some moms require a physical example. Sometimes moral high ground be damned. Gall meets gall. Nta story 1.

[@satmtca]

For the last story I think Dan should marry Ruby, Anne I’m manipulative and has serious issues and is a pathological liar cause she doesn’t like how people see her, she wants to be perfect but can’t and she’s also selfish

[@TraceyJeanne]

The story around 1:36:00 You could’ve yelled at them and called them tf out for being pieces of shit You could’ve went off of them And anyone supporting them Yet you congratulated them, then said you had to put your son down for a nap just so you wouldn’t cry / have a panic attack and take from their attention And they are mad about that... I really have no words.

[@wargamesmaster]

I feel really bad for the OP with the narcissistic a-hole dad who refuse to believe he done anything wrong to his son... He's a better man than me, I would have been arrested for my dad's murder if my dad was like that.

[@terrancereed5285]

First story he should not have involved the children however, I would have invited her out to lunch or dinner tipped our server and left her with the bill that way she could surely understand how it feels.

[@stevelemur6113]

I would give the sister a commercial flower shop bouquet and add in whatever was blooming from mom's garden, or even just greens. Just don't specify which of flowers are the mom flowers.

[@MsMookalate]

Yeah. I’m just pissed at the Redditors and Markee poor comprehension skills like dude. How is he TAH for not controlling nature

[@jamesmorris4373]

Second story the op was right in how she acted she tried to help the girl out and she told her that she didn't deserve the life she had

[@zashgekido5616]

Im not saying you're WRONG, just.. A bit more complicated here chief

[@locusxe1411]

@@zashgekido5616 not really. That’s a quite normal reaction to someone you’re trying to be friends with to just burst out that she deserves Ops family more than Ops and that they’re trying to hard

[@aceb4634]

@@locusxe1411 OP isn't dealing with the same issues their friend was and they knew that was a low thing to say. They knew. ESH, you don't get a pass for being awful or kicking someone while they're down if you don't own up that you knew you were trying to hurt them back. "But she said something first" yeah but that's kid's thinking, adults have to be responsible for what they say and own up when they cross the line, and they can't avoid doing so by only blaming the other party. There were plenty of better ways to respond, both were wrong.

[@locusxe1411]

@@aceb4634 I mean it’s cool for you to think that. I’m still saying NTA/NAH. I think she was in the right to say it personally

[@TraceyJeanne]

The sister in the waluigi (sp?) story - I don’t think it’s that she has to be accountable for her brothers behavior , but more so if she’s going to get herself involved, she’s not to encourage bad behavior.

[@rannvamacdonaldarnskov4794]

The comment in the bouqette post about if it's damaging to take off the flowers: Opposite in fact, cutting of flowers from most plants is vital for the plant's health if you want the plant itself to grow strong, since the plant will put all it's resources into growing a flower > bear fruit, if it's allowed to. That's why you cut off flowers from onions, garlic, mint, because otherwise the bulbs/leaves will grow weak, and for grapes, flowers are cut off to get bigger fruits instead of lots of small ones. And the recommendations I know about roses is straight up to cut the entire thing down for the winter, so the brother could very well give her the entire bush sans the roots. I understand that the sister might be in for a rude awakening, because if they're in the northern hemisphere, most flowers in november are probably gonna be rather whilted. But the fact that she's asking for them for her bouqette isn't unreasonable in itself if they were your mothers originally and she didn't have the means to adopt them when theirmom passed

[@tonypraf8641]

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm so fricking glad I subbed to you

[@user-wb6fm4hu2h]

same

[@zerobolt9506]

Ffffffff it's stuck in my head now.😟

[@tonypraf8641]

gOOooOOoood..

[@TraceyJeanne]

The dog story - you’ve put this into words really well , I think you should show her everything in this video - the post itself , the comments , your replies , etc

[@angelsinger4574]

I would do a family tree on “Once Upon a Time.” It would probably be the most confusing family tree ever, lol.

[@Aroaceenby]

My favorite is when parents give you money for a gift so they basically buy themselves a gift.

[@oliviaksiag6163]

I just hope that dog gets away from that absolute shitshow of an owner. My family got a 1-year-old shelter dog with mental problems almost 5 years ago, and if we just left her alone to be a mess it would have counted as abuse. The dog is doing great now, but it took work, the first year with her was like living with a tornado that ate a volcano, I can't imagine being that horrible of an owner.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

The mother had tired to talk to the teacher so she could include non-biologic family, this is the teacher's fault.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

My niece had to do a GENETIC family tree, she was adopted. She turned in a piece of paper with nothing but a "?". The teacher was wise enough to apologize for refusing to listen to her when she tried to explain it to her; gave her an A.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

@@Gloria-ro4vn I completely don't get this obsession with the family tree being genetic. I have genealogists on my mom's and dad's sides of the family. My mother and law had done a bit of work on her family and my hubby and I are continuing the work. Adoptions are recorded in family trees. A genetic version of the project unnecessarily excludes students. On the flip side, hubby and I are 10th cousins a few times over, my mother and his mother are related. My father and his mother are related. His father and my father, and his father and my mother... Just a few 9th Great Grand Parents in common back in Colonial New England. But if you have dense tree or a bare tree, it is project that is ripe for potential embarrassment.

[@aliquot8404]

@Bluejay Woman Ripe with embarrassment indeed. Several members of my large extended family are enthusiastic amateur genealogists. I can trace ancestral lines back to the Middle Ages in 13 different northern European countries (none of them, alas, being Scotland). My father's research alone occupied a large 5-shelf bookcase. I would have looked at my teacher and said, "I'm too young to rent a U-Haul"

[@lorifiedler13]

@@Gloria-ro4vn good for that teacher.

[@lorifiedler13]

If there is a disruptive child in class, ask for your own child to be moved to another class. Enough parents want that and maybe the school will take action and move the disruptive child or encourage the child's parents to an IEP.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Mom sounds like a narcissist and OP has been living under a rock if they never noticed this behavior

[@nimisilverbird1239]

NTA. While the stuff started at your mother's garden. Tou have made it yours. Twice. Also to anyone saying OP sucks bc he wouldn't give the flowers. No he wouldn't give all the flowers. He offered what he could without wiping out his entire garden, just to supply flowers to his sister who is having a wedding during a pandemic. I bet it more about saving money, than about the spirit. If the sister cared so much about the flowers why did she not take any in the first place?

[@cchastant8251]

I know that in some situations, divorced women are looked down on, but I never experienced that. I haven't had even one person look at me in disgust that I'm "soiled goods" or whatever, for having been married at one point, but no longer.

[@CH-ns4gv]

Its disgusting that they would even have the audacity to ask for another organ.

[@aliquot8404]

The audacity of OP demanding to listen to the heartbeat of HER son's heart. OP, do you even think how creepy you are being? Grief is not an excuse for forgetting how treat the kid in front of you as a real child, with real feelings, and a real heart, which is now HIS heart. No wonder donations are anonymous, and should remain anonymous

[@CH-ns4gv]

@@aliquot8404 the difference is OP didn't owe them anything...

[@kirstenornelas881]

I think most have missed a very important point here. She is mom to a child with chronic illness who may not survive to adulthood and that takes a lot out of a mom. I am mom to a child with chronic illness and often my anxiety over my child can take over to the point I forget to focus on the small things sometimes. I am not quite as bad with this as the mom in this story but i have had my moments here and there, usually I am really good at receiving the dirt, dandelions and lizard gifts lol and with excitement but there are those days when you spent days in hospital, talking to doctors over this symptom and that procedure or this illness and that medicine. It is not always easy and you make mistakes because there is so much on your mind that is so incredibly important and in the moment takes up so much of your brain and heart that the small things can sometimes get lost in all the worry and fear over the idea that any tiny thing that goes wrong could cause the death of your child, your heart. I am willing to bet this mom is scared, stressed and the gift she wishes she could have the most is her child being healthy which causes an internal struggle that those who are not parent to a child with chronic illness thankfully and hopefully will never be able to understand. I truly hope for the kids sake she does continue to work on this though as the reactions she gives to the little things they give her will be the memories that she either holds dearly or that will haunt her one day. I truly wish that little family all the best and hope for remission, for whatever chronic illness the child is struggling with, and comfort and many more years with mom,dad and sibling.

[@Allantitan]

Who complains about food you don’t have to pay for or cook yourself?

[@aliquot8404]

People with severe dietary restrictions -- life threatening allergies, intolerances, moral/religious reasons. OP could have circumvented the whole mess had her wedding invitation said "dietary restrictions" rather than "dietary requirements". Language is important.

[@jraxreviewsxcosplayxmore6934]

While Kate had no right to explode and unacceptable, telling a traumatized girl who has no one (a child!) no one loved her is disgusting and cruel. ESH

[@ladykay5891]

My older 2 kids had iep and they did good in school after that. My youngest had an iep because we could not get internet at home and needed to go to the library and with that only allowed 1 hour at that time so having the iep for extended time helped and in college now they are on the honor roll. Iep can be for a variety of things that a child needed. My older 2 were ADHD and ADD.

[@ZombieSazza]

Omg the whole wedding story with Anne was actually insane, it made no sense and I was wondering if the bride was just super jealous… no, worse, super judgmental of her own husband-to-be. Not everyone has the best of life stories, some of us have messy life stories, I know my early years are very messy, there’s plenty of child abuse, I’ve cPTSD & PTSD from said child abuse, I also went off the rails during that time because hey, I was an abused child-teenager and had no support so sought solace in drugs and alcohol. I wasn’t an addict, but it did earn me a free 6 week stay in prison on remand, whilst the courts figured WTF to do with me, and have me go through mental assessments. I turned my life around just before 18 after said 6 week stay, and have been on a path of self improvement since, that includes therapy, speaking to my doctor regularly, getting medicated, learning how to live with PTSD and how to navigate it (to avoid PTSD rage, as an example), how I’ve healthily worked through a lot of issues and how I’ve matured over the years, it also included eventually cutting all contact with my biological family as their abuse continued into my adulthood, they just changed their abuse and I constantly excused it. Some of us have messy backgrounds, some people have amazing backgrounds, but what we should NEVER do is try to lie about our partners background, hide their background, pretend they’re someone they aren’t, and spin a large web of lies, it isn’t sustainable, it will eventually come crashing down and it’ll harm a LOT of people, people you’re meant to love and respect. Not everyone will accept people with troubled backgrounds, and that’s okay, that’s their choice, but most people in this day and age are pretty understanding, especially if we’ve clearly moved on from that point of our lives and made that hard effort to improve our lives, and I feel terrible for Dave because he’s clean, he’s worked very hard on himself, his sobriety should be celebrated and not shamed, I feel terrible for him. I’ve known many an addict, some of whom have been clean for 20+ years, and I’m very proud of my friends, I’m not ashamed of who they are or the path they’ve walked, I understand they’re dedicated to improving their own life and that’s something I can fully understand and empathise with. I feel so terribly for Dave, he’s with someone who’s massively ashamed about an important part of who he is. Dave being shamed could easily cause him problems, he needs encouraged and celebrated, not be lied about and disrespected! Never mind everything done to Ruby, she was lied about, outcast, wondering what she’d done wrong, her lifelong best friend was going behind her back to disrespect her and intentionally cause her problems to isolate her. I cannot imagine how she felt through all of this. Until Anne can be completely honest, apologise to everyone for manipulating them, lying to them, gaslighting them, and stop being ashamed of Dave’s past? I can’t see this having a good resolution.

[@Aroaceenby]

What these parents fail to realize is that as the kids grow up they will give more appropriate presents. Like going to the store and getting their mom a wallet. I have autism so I have trouble paying attention to what my mom needs or wants. However, a few years back my mom and I were at the movies and I noticed her wallet was very used and she probably needed a new one. I got her a really nice green wallet (green is her favorite color). She was really happy!

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Obviously the ones commenting about just giving the flowers do not know gardening. THE FLOWERS ARE NOT IN SEASON. SO THERE ARE NONE OF THE FLOWERS THE SISTER WANTS AVAILABLE. NONE MEANS NONE..

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

She was abusing the dog; she was treating it as a inanimate object not as a living breathing being. The only good thing that's come out of this pandemic, gave her the opportunity to clear her head, get well and resulted in her getting a real emotional support animal.

[@arleneroberts8886]

So the other children don’t have a right to learn in the class, Nta. This child needs help

[@arleneroberts8886]

So all the other children deserve to have there education taken away from them.

[@vetaroberts3333]

Block them and tell them not to push anything on op. Who will take care of second child when she leaves again

[@blondie7740]

If the dog came from being in the shelter for that long, he most likely won't get a second chance. A better option would be to see if a dog rescue organization can take him and foster him until he finds his forever home. The foster family can work on the behavior issues. Do not give him to home with kids, dogs with anxiety can turn aggressive when their anxiety is high, and this can lead to bites.

[@dyscea]

NTA garden guy. It's his to do with as he pleased. If flower shops gave out free flowers for every sob story, they'd go out of business.

[@mdaenen123]

The flower one. NTA. The OP shouldn’t have to give her everything simply because she is the younger one. She offered some but why should they have to give them every flower? Ridiculous Also once again I’ll say it. The sister isn’t an ahole because she doesn’t want to be on house arrest. There is no indication that there were hundreds of people or that there wouldn’t be social distancing or anything.

[@Mehp2]

With the wedding story, you all do realize that when a woman wears red to someone else’s wedding then that means she’s slept with the groom, right?

[@vetaroberts3333]

She is asking for flowers that aren’t blooming

[@krazycats564]

Parents try so hard to parent right and they almost all fail. I think acknowledging that with your dad is important. Like just telling him you know it was hard and you appreciate that. But that you still need help

[@speakevermore]

The CPTSD story: OP is NTA obviously, but why on earth would he not just say its for a psychiatric evaluation?

[@cynicalminion]

1:53:35- ESH. i would've gone NAH, but this story is the EXACT reason why that barrier of anonymity should not have been removed. as heartwarming as the stories about "the guy my dad's heart saved walked me down the aisle at my wedding" are, when a parent donates a child's organs, knowing who they go to is just asking for trouble. The anonymous letter thanking them for helping save the 12y/o is where that interaction should've stopped.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Okay in the story where one student is out of control and the parents are refusing help the parents of that child are major gaping AH. They are not good parents some commentors in that thread need to stop pretending like they're good parents just fighting for the rights of their child. No. They are in denial and refusing their ill child the help she desperately needs. That little girl needs help and her parents are refusing to get it for her. They need to be forced to give her help or leave. As a previous comment said the school needs to tell the parents of the ill student a teacher cannot manage her problems alone so she's welcome to get education but she has to have an aide there. I hate how so many people are painting the parents of the disabled child as if they're fighting for the rights of their daughter instead of acknowledging they're terrible people. I bet the mom's trying to cure her daughter with essential oils

[@helenconnor3714]

I laughed about the Thanksgiving issue. Husband and I are just as happy to have a regular dinner than all the heavy food. Why all the trouble for a simple meal. The Thanksgiving is really to thank for all your good fortune for the past year. Any meal can be the Thanksgiving meal.

[@lorifiedler13]

Morbid family tree. Do not apologize for the truth. And save that for when the kid is in middle school. I hope your kid dressed all in black for the presentation. You go!

[@danielaortizcastillo9160]

*1:59:02* you know, this reminds me of how one time when my mom was overseas, Dad decided to ransack mom's wardrobe because he was tired of seeing all of her clothes as just grey and black and felt some of these clothes definitely needed replacing lol Mom never figured out this happened

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Her mind is obviously sick. That kind of resentment is toxic. You could have reacted better, but you’re still a kid. She attacked you without cause, distance yourself, YOU aren’t the best person to help her. She needs different support.

[@vetaroberts3333]

They are trying to take care of there children, this child is out of control and other children aren’t getting the education they deserve

[@panzergarcia4619]

Ehhhhh in the flower story I think the sister is the AH. He said she hadn't even asked about them in the three years so there's no way she had an idea of how much it would have potentially damaged/ killed the plants and didn't ask even at that point. The rose still would have been a beautiful symbol for her bouquet.

[@Ciinypie]

1:53:29 it’s a bit awkward being 12 and having a stranger put their head on your chest to hear the heart that belonged to their son. But I understand where the mom is coming from.. I kinda wish I woulda known them because there’s an app I used during pregnancy that allows you to use your phone as a sort of heartbeat monitor and you can even record it. I worked in a very hot environment and i was always paranoid that my baby would die and sometimes I wouldn’t feel baby for a while but this app helped give me piece of mind.

[@kalinaphillips9779]

The husband is right he doesn't speak HER love language. The whole family would benefit from reading Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages". When they both learn what they are it will be easier for them to communicate.

[@azadalamiq]

or ignore it, and realize the love lang thing is silly.

[@dergluckliche4973]

@@azadalamiq It sounds suuuuuper lame

[@AndreNDP]

That's ridiculous. Mommy needs to grow the fuck up, learn to fake interest, and not expect people to mind read her if she's not saying what she wants.

[@lorifiedler13]

I'm not sure the mom even k ows her own love language.

[@kaykay8855]

Why are some parents are afraid to explain the concept of death or afraid to explain it entirely. What would a parent say would say when a relative died. “Don’t worry grandpa is taking a very long nap.”

[@lorifiedler13]

And wonder why the kids goes into a panic at being told it's nap time

[@aliciahaley113]

“Host” is 100% better than “Your main man” or “Your Aussie Hubby!” Thanks and respect- enjoyed your work very much today. 👍🏼😎

[@theresaschuebel5151]

My kids and neices and nephews always knew and still know that I prefer had made or thoughtful gifts. I still cry when my oldest gives me sentimental mom and child gits, and when my youngest gives me hand made stuff. Not saying my oldest daughter doesn't give me hand made stuff ,she does. But my oldest is the more sensitive and sentimental one. My husband is like that guy's wife. I was always pissed off when he brushed off the stuff our baby gave him but favored the stuff our oldest gave him.

[@staceyearle2817]

Why do kids like sharing thier soggy cheese doodles every mom has been thru this ..we have perfected the art of pretending to eat it with a smile on our faces 😂😂😂😂

[@gmax-go3pp]

P.S. parent contact info is called a phone tree and is common. So is knowing some parents in your kids class.

[@novako4280]

I disagree with your judgement on the first one, two wrongs don't make a right but they do make a good revenge

[@GoldKnightProduction]

On the topic of Ruby and Anne; what kind of Danganronpa BS is this?

[@amelianekomimi1936]

Ohohoho it may sound fictional but I promise that people who have an obsession w their image will go to great lengths to preserve it

[@ataurusinabookshop2063]

Okay for the flower story, didn’t the sister originally want flowers that weren’t available and then thought ‘oh yeah moms flowers!’ And ask for them instead?

[@bluexwings]

My mom is also bad a recieving gifts... She's even given away or returned gifts the same day so she could do something kind for someone else. (After getting her exactly what she asked for!) Often this would be to the benefit of my younger sister, and it admittedly bred some resentment that I regret now. It wasn't until I told her how we talked about it that she finally understood how hurtful it was.

[@grimmxlaw]

I don’t agree that the first one is an ass. I think NTA.

[@tomdean1876]

I think that two, but to a degree. Sure Kate was an asshole, but OP was too. Now, if I was in the same situation, I would do the same thing. The people calling her the asshole forget to put their feet in her shoes.

[@Benjaminjames7]

@@tomdean1876 that’s the second story

[@tomdean1876]

@@Benjaminjames7 My bad

[@Benjaminjames7]

@@tomdean1876 nah, it’s fine but for the record, I totally agree with the point

[@darkshadow5581]

Yea, agreed.same actions, but OP did it in response, and if its the first time mom did this the kids were not in danger.

[@zoedujour]

😂😂😂 "WALUIGI" was my safe word with a psst partner. 😂😂😂

[@kskidspastor]

Parents who refuse to receive services to mitigate their student’s delays should expect their child to be treated like any other general education student who doesn’t have an iep. When the other children are in danger, the school HAS to take measures to protect them from that student. The parents DO have the right to refuse the services, but then OSS and expulsion would be the next steps.

[@vetaroberts3333]

Nta , she started being rude when you tried to help her. She is the one who over stepped

[@1UniquelyMEx3]

The sister may not have been able toaintain these flowers as her mom did...that's selfish

[@vozityv2724]

1:53:00, if i was given a heart and it saved my life, i wouldnt mind if she wanted to lisen to my heart.

[@WobblesandBean]

Nope. Their body, their rules. End of. If someone isn't comfortable with having a total stranger violate their personal space like that, then everyone else needs to respect it. Doesn't matter if you'd act differently, you're not the donor recipient, and you have no right to insist they do something against their will just because that's what you'd do in their situation. A CHILD, no less! OP is being unbelievably petty and downright cruel, considering the life of that child is now at stake.

[@luvondarox]

9:00 Dang. With a "friend" like OP, who needs personal inner demons? I get OP is "just a teen," but... wow.

[@Epiphalactic]

I disagree with OP sucking in the flower one. I understand the arguments but if you turn the flowers down and you don't want to grow them, but then now all the sudden you want them it doesn't make you the gardener a butthole for not wanting to give them. What would the bride have done if nobody had kept the flowers. Would a p still be a butthole? Not to mention a good majority of the people who grow cut flowers to actually cut and sell and put in bouquets and such, end up killing the plant in the process. Things like tulips and lilies often are one stem per flower for a couple of flowers on the stem and you need to take the whole stem in order for it to be effective. Top that off they also usually want a couple of the leaves in there too and that takes away the ability of the plant to photosynthesize. Not to mention all of the work that goes into it, why would you want to chop all of your flowers down that you put all that work into? If somebody saw my garden and decided that they wanted flowers out of it I don't care who they are the answer is no. Yeah I might give him a rose or a lily or something like that but I'm not going to potentially risk killing a plant to give somebody a flower. Yes they're pretty, and I love flowers that's why I grow them. If the bride wants them she needs to put the work into doing them. If she knew her wedding was coming up she could have simply asked Op to divide some of the plants. Or started growing her own. When my mom passes I definitely want a lot of her flowers because this that's what my mom does is she gardens and she gave me the love to garden as well. And people can get bent including family members that decided they don't want any. Now if it's a family member that could not take any and they asked me to put them in my garden for them, that's another thing. Anyway.

[@Aroaceenby]

Last mothers day my daughter took a jar of olives out of the fridge and gave it to me