My Family Excludes Me From Family Events Under The Guise Of "Girls Nights" r/Relationships

[@Seffyzero]

"Girls Night" when there's a lot of women and only one man isn't "girls night", it's "everyone but the guy's night". It's deliberately exclusionary for just ONE person. It's honestly disgusting.

[@rosaazure]

Story 2- after the last update I got the impression that the wife is intentionally isolating OP. He's not allowed to hang with his married friends, only with his family. If OP was female we'd all be waving red flags and telling him to run.

[@tallyp.7643]

💯

[@videofan1010]

She really just sounds like one of those annoying women who feels like being a mom and part of a family is the only thing she cares about.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@videofan1010 I wish people, women especially would understand that there's much more to someone than just parent or spouse.

[@MrJpaynebb]

The wife is so focused on being a mom that she forgetting to be a wife as well. Keep this up and she'll be writing reddit in 2 decades upset about how her husband suddenly wanted a divorce after the kids were finally out of the house but she's now ready to focus on him and their marriage 100%.

[@stonefox2546]

@@videofan1010 Except she puts the kids on day camp all summer. So she's not even spending time with the kids.

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 1- family essentially told him that he was unneeded so he saw himself out as graciously as possible. I hope he is still doing well!

[@Only1199]

He should try and find his father and that side of the family and do family events with them even on mothers day, christmas and every other holiday

[@fluidwolf]

The fact that they are actively excluding him from family event but are upset he wants to go NC is just awful. Like they don't want to include him but hate the idea that he could live without them

[@johnowen9349]

@@fluidwolf There has to be an out-group or the in-group is pointless. It's like having an exclusive club but then letting everybody in. If everybody is special, then no one is. Amusingly, though, now that OP is out that means one of the women in the in-group is on borrowed time before the rest of the group unites in making her the pariah.

[@danisonice.]

Not just unneeded but unwanted

[@Barlmoro]

@@johnowen9349 tbh ther is a reason why he was the only men in this part of the familie

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 2 sounds like a nightmare. The wife has problems she isn't talking about, and she's clinging to OP, expecting his presence to solve everything. He needs a rest after seeing people and that's valid too. If his wife doesn't put in an effort to understand, and they don't go to marriage counselling, I can see this ending in a bitter divorce.

[@13thMaiden]

She's likely isolated. This sometimes happens to SAHMs when they don't keep direct contacts in some form or fashion. So they get clingy to their children and husband cause that's the only social time they get. She needs to connect or reconnect with family and friends during her free-time and she'll become less bored, stressed, and clingy. It's the opposite reaction to OP, who severely needs to decompress.

[@Krystalized_Python]

Same, tbh the wife needs to get a grip. Id understand if OP is somehow neglectful, abusive, etc but he isn't. He was willing to ask for ONLY 6 HOURS a week to himself just to decompress. The wife is abusive and I hope he gets out

[@BloodShed4REAL]

@@Krystalized_Python And denying any (and much needed) help from their parents. The Wife is such a delusional and controlling asshole.

[@vamp567]

He's not allowed to see His friends? She's isolating him. Signs abusive to me

[@nikkideede7972]

@@vamp567 totally agree, especially when she instantly started crying and saying she doesn't have time to herself but is alone for 7-8 hrs a day. Unless they live in and she runs a motel then she has no excuse for not letting op have a few hours alone or hanging with friends

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: Trips to an amusement park and a baseball game have to be female-only??? What kind of deep female only conversations are they going to have at any of those venues?? Ridiculous to exclude him from those outings. S2: What wife doesn't understand the need to connect as a married couple and not just as mom and dad?? She needs an intervention, because it's common knowledge that marriages need to be nurtured too.

[@givemeanameman1]

what they are likely talking about is cheating etc... so they don't want him their as a witness

[@paperkay]

The 2nd story wife couldn't care less about the guy, she just sees a wallet and a father figure.

[@littlesmith4593]

@@paperkay , on the contrary, I think she cares very much (probably too much). I think the one commentator hit the nail on the head when he talked about being lonely. Though I would add that she is trapped in a trap of her own making having made her entire identity about being a parent and housewife. Just as he did not have anything to do when he left for a couple of hours because he was out of practice, so would she if she stepped out of her role. The idea of doing anything outside of this role is probably scary for her and negative thoughts/worries fill her head when he tries to talk about breaking free from this tight fitting role to expand out. Additionally, she may already have developed mental health issues that are now a threat to happen to OP if he continues on this same path. Her way of life is very unhealthy mentally - especially if she is really spending all of her alone time fulfilling her role as a mother and caretaker of the home. (It is very easy to spend all of the time cleaning house, shopping, doing food prep, etc. Just as you could devote 8- 9 hours a day tending to your yard and garden. It just depends if you are going for "good enough" or more like the "ideal" 50s housewife mode.

[@Creshosk]

@@littlesmith4593 >, I think she cares very much (probably too much). Nope. She doesn't care. The problem with the lonely theory is that he specifically talked about date nights and letting the kids spend time with their grandparents. If she were merely Lonely then a date night with her partner would be a good thing. The immediate jump to anger without ANY concern for his wellbeing also helps to indicate this.

[@littlesmith4593]

@@Creshosk , it does. She has converted to clinging to husband and kids. The role gives comfort - like a kid's comfort blanket. It is safe and a known thing. While date night would be a healthy choice, it is outside of the role and therefore scary. This has gone on long enough that she probably can not even see how her behavior is not only unreasonable, but unhealthy for every member of the family.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta I heard this one before. They just didn't want him around. Good on op for cutting them out.

[@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e]

Yeah, I think mark told this one before actually. Still very sad, especially as there's no further update.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Amazing that they found the thread but none of the responses telling op that they’re being AHs penetrated their thick skulls.

[@aaronmedley7606]

Every time I hear that story it makes me sad

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

This. Exactly this. They do not want or care for OP. They act like a cult. Plus...."Girl time?" "Girl things?" What "girl things" are in common, because these women have a generation gap? Instead of feeling guilty towards OP, they were aggressive, dismissive and in the end they preferred to cut all ties since "Girl time" and "girl vacation" are so much more important. Good for OP to cut off this "girl family"

[@locusxe1411]

⁠​⁠@@MsTemptation I don’t thinks there’s more to it. It’s simply because he’s the only man. I’ve seen another story where the only guy left in the family was a 15 year old boy and he was being excluded by his mother and aunt. He’s not telling us the reason because he doesn’t know the reason himself. And they didn’t cut h out first. If they had they wouldn’t have been able to communicate with him at all. Idk if you’re just trying to reach or you think op is a terrible person but this comment ain’t it

[@LayfonDragnia]

Sorry, but I hate the “guy/girl conversation” excuse. I’m a guy. I love cooking, decorating and fashion. However, whenever I want to discuss it with my family they are very dismissive or tell me that I don’t actually know anything because I’m a guy and those are more “girl things”.

[@RedReaper666OG]

Does your family realize that some of the most famous fashion designers and chefs (Versace, Gordon Ramsey, Wolfgang Puck, etc.) are MEN?!?

[@dova_lily4484]

Agreed. Cause I'm a female and I can't tell you shit on cooking or clothes or any of that

[@sallynguyen4403]

Exactly this. I'm just shaking my head in disappointment at how blatant their sexism is. Just like how girls can be tomboys, boys can also be into traditionally feminine things too. I'm betting after everything cools down, those women in his family realized they messed up but are too prideful to admit that they made multiple mistakes in regards to OP. I hope OP will one day meet people who'll value and appreciate him for who he is and not take him for granted.

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

Sorry about that.

[@033723]

😊😊😊

[@AlexRising_]

Story 2: OP’s wife is abusive and controlling of his time. She manages to twist anything he says into “so why do you hate me and the kids” so that he stops asking. Even if it’s unintentional, it’s abusive.

[@tardislady9546]

She wants him to pull his weight with childcare, and understand how exhausting childcare is, and treat her better, and allow HER time to rest, and time to herself. (helping the kids with homework for 10 minutes is NOT pulling his weight). That is not 'abusive'. He needs to be a better husband,, LISTEN to her, TAKE HER SERIOUSLY, let her have a career, support her dreams, and ambitions. He thinks solely of himself, not her at all. HE needs to make the effort, arrange reliable childcare, take her out, make her feel like a woman, not just his personal nanny, house maid, and sex worker. You will be so boring, and spew the usual misogynist drivel, sarcasm, name calling, sneering about 'projecting', sneering that I have 'issues', and patronising. You do not have the balls to reply in a civil manner, little boy.

[@joshuaadkins9820]

not gonna lie if it was me and they hit me with the "so why do you hate me and the kids." i probably would of just said i don't, but if you keep this up i eventually will. that has to be one of the most gut wrenching situations. Cause he seems to think hell get 50/50 custody if they divorce, but he probably doesn't realize his wife is abusive which means their divorce will be VERY messy.

[@Woodie-xq1ew]

@@joshuaadkins9820 even if she was a nice, mentally stable person men get absolutely fucked family court. this sort of abusive woman will make it her mission to never allow OP to see his kids again

[@Andrea.S.Alvey12]

The second Op, it doesn't seem like his wife wants to be a wife, lover, sweetheart. It seems like all she wants to be is a mommy-to the point of even mothering (controlling) her husband. What she's insisting on is NOT healthy!

[@vikingreflections2824]

It kinda makes you wonder about some of the stories where the wife keeps stating she's "more of a mom" to her husband.

[@Nevertoleave]

It’s not, but it’s a pressure a lot of women get. There’s a lot of pressure on women to basically be the most perfect mother ever or your children will be failures and you’ll be looked down on. Honestly, you could do a doctorate on societal pressures of mothers and there are probably a few. But it’s not at all healthy. (Ever notice the amount of wine and alcohol marketed towards mothers?) Because of it those women define themselves solely by having kids. Then kids grow up, they start leaving, how those mothers define themselves is going away… those mothers overly invested in their grown kids, “where are you going? Call me. Call me. Call me. Are you dead? I’m calling the police!!!” “Mom, I was in the bathroom taking a shower.”

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@Nevertoleave "Sigh" This is why I don't like gender expectations. There's no such thing as a perfect mother. And you can't just expect a mother to be waiting on her children hand and foot. That's how you create entitled people, and that's the worst case scenario. Best case scenario, the children feel suffocated, especially as adults.

[@CozyCabinLife5301]

Op needs to divorce the wife, keep the kids in his life and just tell her "Look bitch, your not in control of me. Fuck right off." Many men are weak willed and would never dream of saying no to their wife. Take from a completely red pilled man. Your wife doesn't love you, she just wants to be a mother. She'll cheat on you when your children are older.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@Nevertoleave except that's not the case here. Like come on, do you really think a mother who's that concerned about being a perfect mommy would pack her kids off to a camp for most of the day and then leave nighttime duties for the father? It doesn't sound like she's spending too much time with them. Op puts them to bed and gets them ready for the next day so he's doing as much for the kids in their time at home as she is. The issue is definitely something more than that.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Story 1: the women in this story genuinely sound like the stereotypical females that are toxic, gossipy headless chickens that people generally avoid because they're nosy and will spread everyone's business even if they're told not to. They probably only hang out because they don't actually have friends.

[@astrovalleyzone7140]

catty and petty, hopefully OP finds himself people who respect him and consider him family because his biological family is deplorable

[@richardfields8634]

To my view your women are all certified Lesbians

[@jazzywarrrior1414]

As soon as he said que sera sera, I knew exactly the kind of people he’s talking about. Some Hispanic ladies have a tendency to segregate themselves like that and think they’re “luchona.” He’s better off without them.

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

Nothing wrong with not having friends if your family is enough. I basically just have one friend that I travel with, but outside of that I like my weekends to myself and I talk to my family on the phone almost every day.

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

@@jazzywarrrior1414interesting cultural tit bit. Unless he’s spanish.

[@ouranos9290]

Story 2, OP's wife need therapy asap, not OP. This situation is unhealthy. Kids have to spend time without their parents too. But the fact that OP tells her that he NEEDS some alone time, and she just doesn't care at all is very scary. It's an explosive situation. She needs to question her thoughts and realize she's wrong and can try other ways to organize their lives.

[@tgbedini]

The fact that he begs her for a date night, when the grandparents are willing to take the kids, and she acts like he's a horrible person for it, is just crazy. He sounds like he is giving 110%, an expression I normally dislike. And if she is working constantly for the 7-8 hours she is home alone, I would be quite surprised. And, of course, he is required to assist with the kids' needs too, from the moment he gets home, after what sounds like a 12 hour day. (commuting 2 hours a day is freaking work too.) I don't know what she wants, but it's not a human husband.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

@@tgbediniWhy is he setting things out for the kids for the next day. She can do that DURING the day, with her 6-8 hours the kids are gone.

[@Nevertoleave]

Exactly. She needs to recall she’s not just a mother. She’s a spouse, she’s a person. She’ll suffocate her spouse and children and drive them away

[@tremas3329]

Im guessing one of two scenarios for OP's wife. Either she grew up with parents that were oppressively present in her life that would not spend any time at all away from her, not allowing her to grow or understand the independence needed for children and their parents mutually and is perpetuating that with their kids. Or she had parents that spent NO time with their kids beyond the bare minimum necessary and she grew to resent it and doesnt want that for her kids, but doesnt know how to draw a healthy boundary. There are other possibilities, but they get more into mental health issues that a therapist would be needed to identify and work on. All that to say, therapy is definitely a good option here for all involved. Family and individual therapy.

[@ronhall5395]

She will never admit she is wrong. Honestly what kind of woman would not love to spend a night out on the town with her husband? They have a small three bed house, and kids in day care.Sure, I can see she has some busy days, but not 5 days a week. My wife used to complain as bout laundry day, how exhausting it was. So one time she was visiting her sick mom. I did the laundry on a Saturday. You sort the clothed, put them in a machine with soap, etc. Then go watch TV, or play with kids. When done 45 MI ties later, you toss them into the dryer then push a button. An hour or so later, you have clean clothes to fold and put away. Physical labor is about 30 minutes total, the rest is waiting. I offered to swap duties. I would exchange her laundry task for my vacuuming task. Nope, she was not having it. Lol. I am not saying it is all fun and games keeping the house work done, but it is not stressful usually. Lots of relaxing time also. My wife always demanded her alone time, even with two kids. I gave her that. Me, my alone time was cutting the grass or taking the trash out. Not the same.

[@sagesaria]

Story 2 is raising some serious alarm bells. OP hasn't even seen his friends because his wife doesn't want him doing things outside of her and the kids? Call me crazy but that sounds like isolation.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That's what I was thinking. Introverted or not.

[@_nikolas_3464]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9ly I'm introvert And I'd be pretty miserable if I spend that amount of time with people let alone same god damn people.

[@ForestFairy1]

That was my first thought to.

[@rogrove6325]

Thank you! Not a lot of people seem to be taking into account how controlling and manipulative her behavior is... My red flag detector is shooting through the dang roof rn

[@naughtyhieroglyph669]

Makes me wonder if she has cheated, and does not want him to find out.

[@TheIronwil]

OP should have simply stopped trying to contact them or meet up. The big family fight was a deluded effort to get some empathy from them. Delusional, because they don’t have any. Move on and peace out.

[@MemristerBoogieDown]

⁠@Timothy Robertson …OK I know you were kidding but I haven’t been able to stop laughing about a saggy boob donation center and what that would look like. Damn you! LOL! The mental image just will not go away.

[@Sparky0627]

​@@MemristerBoogieDown Sadly, looks like the post you referenced was removed by KZbin or LG? It sounds like it was a good one!

[@ohnooffwego]

S2: I'm a SAH parent. My wife and I are both introverts. Giving each other time to decompress is critical to our relationship and it works really well. As far as this story is concerned... the wife is full of it. Unless they live in a freaking 10 bedroom mansion (apparently it's a 3 bedroom) that automatically generates dirt, she is not spending the entire day being productive. She has tons of time to herself. She's a controlling liar and needs therapy to sort out her issues. Outside of that, OP should consider a divorce because she seems abusive. He'll probably have better mental health and more quality time with his children without her.

[@ronhall5395]

A woman like that would not survive as a single mom. She has no idea what the real world is like. I feel bad for the guy. Maybe he needs to just take a break from the relationship.for a bit. Let her feel how rough life is on her own.

[@reginyra8401]

If I'm being honest - the story she says is so fishy - the way she pushes for him to be a father so hard and refuses date nights and the gaslighting sounds like she's cheating to me.

[@tardislady9546]

Childcare is exhausting, and a huge sacrifice for women, but you are all too sexist to see that, little boys. Women lose their career, their identity, their sleep, their time, their lives outside of the house, and all of their money, when they become mothers. Men lose nothing when they become fathers. HE should put his wife first, not himself. You will all be so boring, and spew the usual Reddit misogynist drivel, as not one of you has the balls to reply in a civil manner.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I really wonder if the wife was always this insufferable and selfish or if this is new behavior. If she was always this way, OP made the biggest mistake of his life marrying her. This type of person destroys introverts. As introverts it's not a want to get alone time, it's a need. And your kids aren't going to always be there. You need to make time to be lovers. Everything OP wants is healthy. She's the one who's expectations are completely unfair and unreasonable

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

I'm an introvert and that alone time is essential. When I was married my husband was so damned NEEDY he wouldn't let me have a moment to myself - including the bathroom! I thank God that marriage ended!

[@ghost-husband]

I was thinking that during this whole story. this would fucking destroy me, idk how OP is holding up ngl.

[@lindalehr1551]

The thing that stood out for me was OP was including alone for both him and his wife and alone time as a couple, and his wife would not even try. And they have inlaws who want to babysit occasionally !

[@ApolloVtuber]

​@@Raggmopp-xl7yf that honestly kinda reminds me of someone I knew I'm not sure if he had problems or if he was needy, but from i can remember the guy went to listen to his wife go to the bathroom, I think he accused her of cheating too I can't remember. Tldr I may not be giving the full information as it was a while ago but their marriage ended in divorce. I say it was the best thing for his ex because he had problems.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Raggmopp 3377 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Needy men are like Mumma's boys. We never marry them. Glad you got out 😌

[@veezopolis]

That second story is so sad. The wife is so damn unreasonable

[@ForbiddenFish]

He should've never had kids with her.

[@brokenmask333]

I think she gave up her identity to be a mom and now she can’t outside of being a mom

[@kennethsjvold9212]

You realy dont think we are missing somthing in this story?

[@stonefox2546]

@@kennethsjvold9212 Please do tell what it is that we're missing, since you seem to know?

[@_nikolas_3464]

​@@stonefox2546 "part which would magically make husband asshole to fit into their narrative" That's the part that's missing for them but unfortunately It's not coming anywhere soon

[@mflax4331]

Story 1: excluding one family member, makes this to be no family at all. Family is all of them. When my family excluded me in my own flat, I moved out. I deserve better. OP deserves better. They don't give it, they are out of HIS family.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - God I hope OP gets out of that relationship, his wife is completely unreasonable and refuses to listen to reason as he burns himself out daily. Having a couple hours a week is NOT a big ask, and that she can’t even handle that is a sign something is off with her. I doubt it’ll get better because she’s so hellbent on forced family time.

[@BloodShed4REAL]

Also denying any help from their parents shows she's a controlling thunder cunt. I fear the kids and what damage she would end up doing to them :(

[@paden1865able]

I'm a sahm/w and if my husband wants time for himself, I'm fine with it. We're both kind of introverted and need time to ourselves alone, and I get plenty while he's at work and our son is at school, but I insist that he takes time for him. Our son also is free to have time for himself, we're good with it. We spend time together, as well.

[@nikkiwhray1598]

I have a feeling it's about control for the wife. The fact that she won't let either set of parents spend time alone with her kids, OP's belief that he can't see his friends because they're married, and the wife's refusal to give OP a minute she can't account for, combined with the intense emotional manipulation - all isolation tactics. Op can't have the space he needs to think, he doesn't have anyone left to confide in, and he is accused of hating his family if he tries to express his feelings. His wife has essentially removed his ability to have his own thoughts / make rational decisions.

[@fandomfan2800]

lol NO

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah; I really need my alone time, so I understand. The wife is alone all day with no kids to tend to, no coworkers wanting things, etc. OP NEEDS some alone time.

[@stewartann816]

This story should be labeled: Examples of Toxic Femininity

[@johnowen9349]

Is it any shock they are attempting to gaslight OP into accepting their delusions? Otherwise they'd have to accept accountability and we all know that's not going to happen.

[@mercurialmelody]

💯

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

There's no way they aren't purposely cutting him out.

[@avencree]

Yuuup. It’s gross. And I think we might have also gotten a look at why the dad left. Also I love how they recognize “dirty laundry” yet are blatantly and purposefully being ignorant of making it in the first place. OP’s sister recognized her’s and her family’s shitty behavior and instead of being embarrassed, she gets the other women in their family to berate and shame OP! The audacity.

[@Neolithika]

That's exactly what it is, reverse the genders and that's called misogyny. I dislike this level of hypocrisy very much.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Story 1: Anyone think that they intentionally removed OPs father out of his life by parental alienation and as soon as he stands up to them he is out.

[@jessilynallendilla5014]

yeah something tells me OP's mom poisoned the girls against men including her son when they're in their 30s and 40s will be alone and all "there's no good men left" and lesbian aunts fed into the misandry their reaction to him saying he was done and leaving them is proof they just wanted a punching bag

[@akl2k7]

It wouldn't be surprising. That family has "femnazi cult" written all over it. There's no mention of any of the girls having boyfriends either. And the excuse of "girl talk" makes me wonder if all they're talking about is make-up, fashion and periods.

[@Schwiegermutter]

100%

[@Barlmoro]

there is a reason why he was the only men

[@deidresable]

His sister and aunt is a lesbian

[@boneymeroney2674]

Story 1. Op doesn't understand how much of a blessing this is. NC means the old bats won't be in his personal business if/when he gets married and has children/daughters.

[@danacarter9147]

I better warn you, if/when OP gets married and has children/daughters, it will turn into his female relatives, all over again. He should just have children/daughters alone.⚠️

[@danacarter9147]

Or, if/when OP just has children/daughters, with no wife; he'll never need or want to get married to start his own family.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Story 1: I imagine his family is mostly women and they exclude him for it. My family are mostly men. The only woman is my mam. But we would never dream of having a “boy’s night” where it was just all the family except my mother. It’s one thing to have one with some friends or something, but it’s another to have it just be “the family except OP”. It seems like they do it very often and the only one that it’s meant to exclude is OP. They’re even cancelling their usual plans with OP for the sake of these “girl’s nights out”. He’s tried to talk to them about it and it seems like he literally the ONLY one that it’s meant to be excluded. Edit: I can’t believe his family responded that way. Like I do, but I’m not happy with it. I thought at least one of them would feel some remorse. Maybe OP can try reach out to his dad’s side of the family. Story 2: The wife seems to only want to do kid stuff and housework. And when OP suggests doing date night or literally anything other than kid stuff and housework and work, she gets angry. All he asking is to have an hour or two a week to do something else. The wife needs to start understanding his perspective. But she is getting angry at him for wanting to do something else because she can’t, but also refuses to let grandparents mind the children so they can do date night. Parents need to still have hobbies and time to relax. People need to recharge their social batteries. Edit: Hopefully the wife can come around and see the error of her ways. And I hope OP can rediscover some of his hobbies because he seemed to be lost once he had a break.

[@GLoLChibs]

He needs to reach out to his dads side. With his mother's attitude and actions, I wouldn't be surprised if OP was used as a pawn and his mother didn't accurately portray the divorce. She reeks of sexism.

[@agentzapdos4960]

His family is 100% women with the sole exception being the OP himself. He has no place in this family, and never will. Since they all prefer girl-time, they can have their girl-time all the time.

[@kisstune]

@@GLoLChibs That was my thought too.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@GLoLChibs I was thinking the same thing. Considering how she is now, it’s entirely possible she’s the reason they divorced and she clearly can’t apologise or admit she’s wrong, so it’s unlikely she was kind or reasonable in the divorce

[@bhutehole]

@@GLoLChibs you are onto something for sure

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 definitely NTA. Girl's day to see Magic Mike, love it. Repeatedly making everything Girl's Day, including the FAMILY VACATION is just AHish, especially when Girl's Day is just F U OP as he's the only male. This sucks, but seems like he's better off LC with these gossipy AH women

[@EM3SonSon]

NC*

[@brokenmask333]

Wait till op has a daughter

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@brokenmask333 She'll join his family in ostracizing him as soon as she's old enough to walk and talk.

[@LilDemona]

@@agentzapdos4960 Not if he goes NC and never allows them to see her

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@brokenmask333 God help OP if he ever has a daughter.

[@ElleD308]

Story 2... Wife is the kind of person that thinks that once you marry and have kids you're no longer a person with any type of individuality. You're a parent and a spouse and you can't exist outside of that. If she doesn't stop, this will end in divorce

[@mareegray4105]

I agree something's gotta give if she doesnt start hearing his words not only will it destroy their relationship but he'll step out of it and find it somewhere else.💔💔💔

[@_nikolas_3464]

Spouse? Lmfaao She only thinks about parenthood if she gave shit about spousal relationship she wouldn't refuse one of the most reasonable solution with date nights but Mrs.proffesionalmomoftheyear contender over here doesn't care.

[@DoritoBot9000]

She sounds like a mombie. Once those kids grow up and leave she’ll gave a crisis.

[@ElleD308]

@@DoritoBot9000 I think she's already having it 🤣

[@invisible123-l9d]

He does not allow HER to be an individual. He does nothing to help with the housework or childcare. He is lying about what he does in the house. At best, he rinses a cup out, once a year, or watches the children for 10 minutes, once a year. He has a caveman attitude, thinking that men need make no effort. He does not respect her, does not LISTEN to her, or TAKE HER SERIOUSLY, or treat her as his EQUAL. He is not affectionate, unless he is horny. He never takes her out on real dates, just out drinking. He does nothing to make sex with it for her. He denied her a career, and money of her own. None of you have the balls to reply respectfully, or even in a civil manner.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I think I remember this story! Poor OP........I can't imagine being left out. And now, the immature, and selfish immediate family are basically blaming OP and refusing to accept that they're excluding him from things. Like a girls'night out is nice every once in awhile, but they can't exclude OP when it comes to EVERYTHING! I think it's for the best that OP goes no contact with his toxic family for a while.

[@anonx2747]

Permanently

[@pippo17173]

The story gives a picture that the men in the family quickly exit out because it's a mean girl cult. Don't know if the dad is terrible as well, but it's really leaning on the wife and her family are just horrible.

[@bhart3321]

@@pippo17173 Thinking same way. I'm betting if he contacted dad's family he would get a very different story about the divorce

[@Barlmoro]

@@bhart3321 i think so too, there is a reason why HE is the only men in this part of the familie

[@chrisball8356]

Good point. OP being the only male in the family in Story one has so many red flags, that the communists would be calling this family out for having too many of them.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The aftermath of this just shows how people tell on themselves. The story was incredibly vague. Unless you knew these people personally you'd have no idea who they were. They can't even argue that it's not that bad or unintentional. If that was true, why react like that

[@tokonunya8301]

Even if the family members were easily identifiable, the OP did nothing wrong. If you're embarrassed by someone telling about your behavior, then your behavior is the problem, not the person talking about it.

[@marshawargo7238]

We didn't include you because it was things you wouldn't be interested in OP: Like a Birthday? Like a Vacation? Like a family Gathering? GTFO !!! If I had the opportunity & money, I'd move Far Away & not look back (like witness protection but not change names) !!!

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2 reminds me of a very old story that goes back a while- the OP was really worried about her husband because he had become so robotic and emotionless. In the update, she finally sat him down and asked what was wrong and completely broke down in floods of tears because he was totally burnt out- he worked all day then spent time looking after the kids in the evening and had absolutely no time to decompress. OP then made him take the next day off work as a sick day to just completely relax and booked a holiday for them. I can see the same thing happening to the OP in this final story if he can't get through to his wife soon.

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Funny symmetry with both stories. They both involve narcissistic women unwilling to empathize.

[@ChristopherCapersJones]

Holy shit, you're right!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@13thMaiden]

I don't think she's a narc. I think she's a SAHM who fell into the trap of self-isolation, which causes the opposite effect of what OP is feeling. She's craving social interaction, but rather than get it from varied sources like friends and family, she's lost contact with them and now desperately clings to her children and husband to fill that social need. She's going bonkers and she's panicking cause her only source of "adult" socializing suddenly wants away time from her. She's being unreasonable because she's become clingy and not thinking straight. I think they both need couple's therapy, and if anything for the wife to get some friends.

[@jay2thaudy]

​@@13thMaiden if she was craving social interaction she would have been willing to go out on a date with him. She wants to isolate him.

[@bdhesse]

@@jay2thaudy That's not necessarily true. It really does sound like she's lonely and panicking. While someone in a calm state of mind might think "I'm lonely and want to interact with people," someone in a state of panic would think "OMG EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG! SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING! AVOID! AVOID! AVOID!" It's not rational, it's purely instinctual. So instead of doing what would actually help her, she hides and isolates herself further. Frankly, I think she's at the point where a date night won't help on its own. She needs therapy.

[@StefenBruh]

​@@bdhesse nahhhh, that just sounds like a lot of bullshit and I'm not buying it.

[@laowaistudieschina7470]

OP in Story One has a mean girls club for a family. He should drop them like a handful of wasps (which they strongly resemble)and go find his own family, composed of people who actually love him.

[@droganovic6879]

I hate wasps, like absolutely despise them, but even _i_ wouldn't slander them like that with such a comparison 😅

[@danacarter9147]

Definitely. And better yet, move to Canada or Australia, and build his own family consisting of supportive friends, and a trustworthy therapist.

[@Zeracheil]

Story 2: Wife needs pull her head out of her ass, this coming from a mother of 3 who was both a stay and home wife for the first 6 years or my kids lives and now I work 10+ hour days as dad stays home. Introverts NEED alone time, we have a limited amount of energy when it comes to being social and when it's burnt through we need that alone time to recharge. I love my kids but when I get home after being social for 10 hours a day my social maximum has been reached and they push me over the edge and into just sheer anxiety. I need that bit of time away from anyone and everyone to recharge as do a lot of introverts. Reached the update: wife is controlling, he needs to walk.

[@Julienna]

I used to work with clients for over a decade and I remember that when I got home, I just wanted to be quiet, no interactions for an hour or two. Then I felt refreshed and able to interact with my husband. He understood, which is a blessing. Now, he works with clients and needs to vent by being quiet afterwork. I'm ok with it. I understand. :D

[@ajzephyros7454]

Man isn't this an old story, I thought you covered this one years ago, or am I thinking of a different channel ETA: Fuck man that's depressing and his family sucks

[@Ravenishish]

It has been covered extensively throughout the KZbin reddit readers. Just not sure if Mark has done it or not.

[@GBunnyG]

I've never heard it, and I've watched all of his videos.

[@GODdank]

​@@Ravenishish any update on it?

[@ambermanning8805]

I message OP in story 1 every Thanksgiving. Hope he's doing better without them.

[@SeraphsGenisis]

That's extremely kind of you and I hope all good things come to you.

[@MacKenzieAkari]

Has there even any updates since?

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

I hope his life is going amazingly and that over the last four years his family's relationships with each other have slowly fallen apart and that there miserable.

[@GODdank]

Has he ever responded?

[@TLITMG]

That's really sweet and kind! We need more people on the earth like you

[@TopazFire15]

Story 2: OP has lost touch with any social life outside of his family and work because of his wife’s attitude and demands! I bet she’s worked to isolate him this way for a long time.

[@joeschmo622]

The Last Opie sounds like one incident away from faking his own demise and running off to some island somewhere. Not a bad idea, actually.

[@leoniemarks4594]

At the very least, he should just not go straight home from work; find an outside hobby that takes maybe an hour that he can be alone and just totally unwind - even if it's just doing lengths up and down a swimming pool or something. The wife is totally obsessed with having him in sight. I bet if he worked from home he'd never be allowed out of the house at all! And 10pm bedtime for a 7-year-old? Is she mad???!!!!! My DD's bed time was 7pm until she was about that age (and then only because I worked full time and didn't collect her from the childminder until 6.30pm). And small childen don't need constant stimulation from the minute they wake until the minute they fall asleep. They also need alone and/or quiet time so they can decompress themselves.

[@tallyp.7643]

Probably the only way he'd get any peace. I started thinking about how hard his job must be and when and how he took his vacation time... then I felt awful because I can just imagine the wife micromanaging all they'd do on the vacation, which would make it just as stressful as the job he was supposed to be getting refreshed and away from. I feel exhausted just listening to all this.

[@Peagaporto]

I dont think that dude is going to fake anything. If he ever spends some of that free time he wants with a bottle of scotch, a bob dylan album and a gun theres going to be a funeral the next day.

[@akl2k7]

@@leoniemarks4594 Yeah, this. Of course, the wife seems crazy enough that if he started coming home two hours late a couple times a week, she'd jump to accusing him of cheating.

[@pee74332]

Lol, you get that way as an introvert. I don't have kids, but I did transition into the roll of a house spouse and have been working on writing a book for the last six months. Before that, I was doing a miserable commute with my husband that was an hour to and from work for 7 months. But lack of personal time was happening long before this. I also had a job as a receptionist at a busy medical practice where I felt like I had small hands constantly pulling me in multiple directions all day. I had no time to myself ever, so I had a damn mental breakdown and walked out of my job. Now my eyes sparkle and I feel alive again. You need space and you need to continue to be an individual regardless of the pressures placed on you. In some cases this is not an option, but they have options. He has come up with good ones to change the dynamic of their marriage, if she doesn't want to take them, then so be it. He will break if she doesn't want to bend. They share custody and she can wonder what went wrong.

[@nineblackgoats]

Yikes, OP in story 2 is living my absolute worst nightmare as an introvert. I'm single and child-free, and the thought of working all day and coming home to people I have to interact with just fills me with overwhelming dread.

[@tallyp.7643]

Yeah, I lived with family and people, doing what they wanted me to do for 35 years. Now it's me, my pets, and my garden. Occasionally I chat with a neighbor and make sure they're doing okay for a few minutes. Otherwise, I take my de-stressing time seriously now. A near nervous breakdown after wearing too many hats taught me that the only person who could take care of me--that i could depend on--was me, and I'd better start doing it. OP isn't being allowed that. He's gonna snap or become a beaten zombie.

[@simonO712]

Same, it sounds like a nightmare.

[@rainbowunicorn709]

Story #2: Stop asking permission; just do it. Maybe divorce should be more than a fantasy.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: This is an old one, but I liked OP's response to the attempted flying monkeying and gaslighting by saying that grownups often don't spend much time with their families and he's just going with that option. Boss answer to some real jerks. Gotta love how they did everything they could to bully OP into letting them exclude him from family events and when he said okay, he was just going to take his own trash out, thanks, they got mad. All they had to do was either let him go or start inviting him again. In the end, all they accomplished was embarrassing themselves on social media and having him go NC with them. Some people are really stupid about family.

[@memeking7273]

I hope OP has a good life and that the 'Family' desintrgrated after a while because with no OP, there's nobody to talk shit about

[@sallynguyen4403]

Yep, they prioritized their pride over having a relationship with him. He's better off without them.

[@ksbs2036]

Soon they will all wonder why they don't have any good male partners and how they can't meet anyone (other than the LGBTQ couple). Waah, there are no good men anymore waah

[@Schwiegermutter]

They will all pretend that it's his fault so they can feel blameless. They pressed him hoping he would lash out... Woman doing womanstuff

[@Sakyosha]

They were all single, except for 1 lesbian.

[@mbyerly9680]

The problem with the wife in the second story is she no longer considers herself a wife, only a mother. No wonder she's so clingy to OP only as a father. She's got some serious mental issues. I hope OP gets out of there. It sounds like introvert Hell.

[@lya9677]

The more I read these comments, the farther I stray from this thought too ... of her only thinking of herself as a parent I've replayed this vid over again And, yup... Still not seeing her, seeing herself as a mother only

[@ronhall5395]

Really sounds like wife has super insecurities. Saw this with a relative. She couldn't stand him to be out of the house without her except to go to work. Super clingy and jealous even of the husbands own sisters. Eventually he had her committed. She just went completely manic on him. He worked with me and would volunteer for overtime just so he did not have to go home.

[@dawnpetty7746]

What I don't understand is why the h-e-ll does she have those poor kids in a full time school during the summer? I'm a SAHM of 4, she's either not bonded to her kids or she's just lazy. How in the world does she justify sending her kids away during the day yet forcing OP to be physically present at all times?

[@meiwa2020]

I'm sorry but even now I'm chilling in my baby's crib keeping him calm while my hubby at the gym. Last night i went out for one of my girl's college graduation and it was hard earned and long anticipated and I'm just so proud of her. Hubby was a champ and even made oatmeal for our little man that baby loved. If you cannot support your spouse in still being an adult with their own needs met, you really shouldn't be a parent and spouse. She needs to get help, there's something else going on i think.

[@joshuacastillo6003]

Remember people: when someone tries to shame you for "airing family laundry" that's a really good tell that they know they're in the wrong and they're only mad that you've exposed they're shitty behaviour to the public. They don't want to fix things with you, they don't want to patch things up, they just don't want their reputation taking a hit but they don't want to change their bad behaviour, so they're gonna shame you for "making them look bad."

[@LilFeralGangrel]

Story 2: does OP's wife have anyone besides him and their kids? One major issue I see in a lot of relationships, especially with moms is that their immediate relations rapidly become their only social life. They don't talk to family (as in their parents, siblings and cousins) much nor do they have much in the way of friends and this can go very badly very quickly. This is where overly clingy relationships become a problem, boundaries become enmeshed and resentment or codependency can rapidly become an issue. I think they should definitely get couples therapy but OP's wife also needs to make friends and have more then just her husband and kids.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

@@holographicwing That's where the issue lies. Because they are her entire social life she inevitably has a lower self esteem and is therefore insecure. She is insecure which is why she's resentful of OP trying to create time for himself. I've made this mistake and it caused my relationships to crash and burn. Now I'm working on myself to ensure I can make friends and actually have a social life. I hope she does the same at some point but I doubt it at this rate. I think it will end with OP divorcing her.

[@charliescott859]

Mgtow

[@LilFeralGangrel]

@@charliescott859 nah.

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@charliescott859 Sure, as long as y'all actually GO.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@holographicwing But the kids aren't there all day. She's not spending any more time with the kids than he is.

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

Story 1: OP's family are so... I don't have the words to describe how angry their actions make me. OP was right; their "girl's night" isn't a girl's night if it's every event and excludes the only guy in the family, it's a "No-OP" event. And to immediately blame OP for lying and making "the family" look bad when he posted a question, it shows they don't care about him.

[@xydis.06.03]

I wanna say sexist, but I dunno if that's entirely appropriate. Edit: Misandrist as well... maybe...

[@anthonygilmour6236]

@@xydis.06.03 I follow the rule of reverse the genders and see if it would be considered s3xist, if it does then it is.

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

​@@xydis.06.03Sounds about right. If OP ever gets married and has children(regardless of gender), I hope he'll keep his family away from those individuals.

[@xydis.06.03]

@@OhHeyItIsNano Especially if he has a daughter.

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

@@xydis.06.03 Yeah. 💀

[@poohbear4515]

There’s a saying I hear sometimes. “If you don’t want me to talk, then you shouldn’t have opened your mouth”. If they didn’t want OP to “lie” about them scheduling something fun and leave OP out because he’s the only boy in the family of girls, then they should’ve been a real loving family and include him on some of their get togethers. It’s their fault that their being looked at as the worst kind of human trash.

[@forsomenotreally]

Story 1: As sad as it is to hear OP going no contact with his family, that was the best solution. His family being completely unapologetic tells me there is no hope for a healthy relationship. Story 2: Unless OP and wife get counseling, they will be divorcing soon. Everyone needs "me time" even extroverts. I would've suggested one hour a day as soon as OP gets home to just hide away until dinner is served and then come back and interact with the kids and wife.

[@leorose6039]

Story 1: NTA I suggest that op reaches out to his fathers side of the family and start spending time over there.

[@maxinemyers9215]

We need an update on story 2! They both deserve time apart from the kids!!

[@rosemaryconstable5620]

As a single mum of 3, I had finished all the housework and washing by 10 am latest, maybe run errands every second or third day if required, I had plenty of time to do my own thing!

[@tallyp.7643]

My heart sank with Story 2. I keep imagining OP having a mental breakdown because he's going to lose it. They need a marriage counselor to get it through the wife's head what he needs, because she is not paying attention or deliberately misunderstanding him in hopes he caves (and he did). Frankly, if I was pushed to the brink this badly, I would've divorced like he considered just to release the pressure valve. Just reading about her actions and her complaints wore me out. I'd hate to live with that. Part of me was thinking that maybe she's afraid if she gives OP an inch, then he'll become like one of those dads that leaves the mom to do everything and is never around for the kids, but considering the kids' ages now, that shouldn't be a worry. She's a controlling nutcase.

[@emmahenrysoprano1253]

Story 2 broke my heart. My dad is also an introvert who worked a customer based job. There would be the occasional night where he'd go over to the computer to surf the web for a half hour to an hour, just to decompress. He'd explain it to me that way as a kid too, so I understood it. This guy's kids would get it. His wife missed the opportunity to show their kids what good self care looks like. My mouth dropped when she said he was so selfish for wanting that time alone.

[@jeffreyshearer8747]

Story 2 Sounds to me like we may have an introvert married to an extrovert. An extrovert needs to be around other people to recharge. An introvert needs alone time to recharge. She is placing her need for recharging over his.

[@laurameier7069]

Story 2: These people need therapy. She's overly hostile toward him and unwilling to compromise on anything, and he's so stressed out that he's going to drop dead of a heart attack. She'd be super pissed at him if he did that. Somethings got to give, or they will be divorced.

[@nairbvel]

Story 2 needs the following update: "I have told my wife that she and I are doing couples counseling or I am talking to a divorce lawyer."

[@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e]

Op should divorce her, she isnt compatable with him

[@Araraki-Itto1]

​@@KonekoPurrrfection A hostile home is even worse. At this rate one of them is gonna go off the deep end.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@KonekoPurrrfection having a father who's one off comment away from having a mental breakdown or self deletion is worse in my opinion

[@suncricket]

For story 2: it sounds like OP's wife noticed him dissociating and is internally panicking that he wants to leave her/the kids, so she's trying to force him to stay with them as much as possible. Or she genuinely doesn't understand why he needs alone time and thinks he's trying to avoid responsibility. She wants to avoid date nights tho, which is really weird to me. Maybe she likes the idea of being a family more than that of a couple? In any case, OP either needs couple's counseling to find the issue or a divorce, bc this is detrimental to everyone's health in the long-run.

[@keplersdream901]

Wrong. A lot of women think becoming a moo is the pinnacle of womanhood. When they find out that no, you’re not worshipped as a goddess on earth for reproducing, they get pissed and resentful.

[@reneeboone9730]

She probably won't go to couple's counseling bc in her eyes he is the problem for wanting alone time not her. We have a great marriage, we spend all our time together and with the kids.

[@pragatisingh8467]

it doesn't matter what she likes, forcing the other person to act a certain way is a step to kill your relationship. My partner does a lot of things I dont undestand the importance of, but I dont have to and he can always do his own thing. We're people outside of each other also.

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

She's also potentially isolating him from his family. Sounds like it could be abuse, too, though who knows?

[@bennergamer3052]

Story 1: You don't need toxic people in your life, not even your own family. (Sorry, Toretto)

[@deadseven3474]

Story 2 made me mad. My god, hrs asking for something extremely healthy and reasonable and she can't cope. Part of me thinks it's her projecting and maybe bring unhappy with her current life, but taking it out on him is unreasonable. I wouldn't normally say divorce but this will only end with one of them giving in and if the OP gives in now he'll just explode later from the stress.

[@chuckphillips5682]

1st story: I'd arrange a series of personal vacations--mainly weekends to lush spots--then post the pictures online. Barcalona, the Greek Islands, St Kitts are nice, I'm told. Alone, having a traveling companion lessens the force. Iceland is good, too. then wait.

[@Othomqcpwr]

Story 2: F the wife. Can't she see that her husband is headed towards the wall and is shaming him for trying to take his foot off the accelerator? Hopefully, his breaking point will just end in a divorce and not on the front page of a newspaper

[@BubblyTeatime]

OP from story 1 should've just booked himself his own vacation like a cruise or something either by himself or with some friends and if his family asks why he didn't invite them, just tell them it's just time for the boys (even if he has girl friends coming they don't need to know lol)

[@andersondawn3631]

Feel so sorry for Op in the first story. They just bitched at him for being left out. I hope he’s able to get in touch with his father’s side and have some sort of a healthy relationship.

[@blclegger]

That story 1 always shocks me a bit what a terrible family. Like imagine being so caught up in the fact that you think you're right that you can't even see you're hurting someone you supposedly care about. Not one of them was able to look past their own ego and see things from a different perspective. I wish OP would post an update as it's been a couple of years just to let us know how things shook out. I hope his family stopped being asses and realized they were wrong but I'm not holding out hope.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2 nta wow I really feel bad for Opie everyone needs some alone time once in awhile. His wife really sounds exhausting I could not handle it She's going to end up and push him away and he's going to resent her and they're going to end up divorced if they keep going this way

[@mamakitty6549]

Last story: OP should ask his wife if she likes him anymore. My husband is an introvert and he gets an hour every day after work to just chill out and spend time on his computer till dinner time. He often doesn't spend that whole time away, it's just time that he has. He always asks if he's allowed to go, which I think he's just asking if I need any help first and sometimes I do but he always comes back in such a better mood once he's had that relax time. I want him to have that time because I love him and we both want to be there for each other and other than that hour after work, we spend a lot of family time together.. It doesn't sound like OPs wife cares much about his mental health.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

Story 1: I hate to say this, but I have to wonder if OP has grown up to look like his father, and that is an underlying reason why all the women (or at least mom and aunts) are excluding him. Because he is a visual reminder of a man that they all apparently hold a great deal of animosity towards. Which sucks for OP, because it isn’t his fault if he looks Ike his dad, nor is it his fault he isn’t a girl. His family is full of AH’s. And every one of those AH’s is a woman. I feel for OP. I hope he finds a new family in friends, a significant other and welcoming in-laws.

[@bhart3321]

I'm betting on no uncertain terms that she & her family are the reason the divorce was so acrimonious & she isolated OP from his father as retribution. He should reconnect with his dad's side bet he'd get a very different story about the divorce.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

@@bhart3321 Glad to know I wasn’t the only one thinking that. I’m betting you’re right.

[@Blacklla]

Honestly I'd go see how dad's side of the family is doing. Cause mom's side are full of "see you in tee ess"

[@bhart3321]

@@themayhemofmadness7038 It's an very common occurrence & a prime illustration of why women aren't actually automatically the best choice to have custody. Why 50/50 custody still isn't the norm/standard is beyond me. However stats show increasingly that men simply need to ask for primary custody & in many cases are granted, especially if the ex wasn't the one working.

[@chrisball8356]

I have a feeling OP in story 1 was isolated from the dad on purpose, because a very different story to explain the divorce would be out.

[@Drakashin]

Story 2: NTA. My, now ex, gf always used to say that I needed 'nothing box' time in order to keep functioning. What she meant by this is that if I had a hard day at work or just once a week I need a few hours to just sit and do 'nothing'. And by nothing I mean something I'm able to just sit and do something without thinking. Video games, small projects I had in work in progress, or just listening to music or youtube for a few hours. She knew if she gave me those few hours that the rest of the time my focus was on us and the things we wanted to do or my work.

[@karlcheshire9295]

Story 1: I would have gone NC earlier than OP did, as I would feel my frustration building more and more each time this happened. As to the so called "Family Meeting", that was a total ambush by all the females close to OP. I think he did the right thing in going NC and making a life of his own - stress & guilt free. Story 2: I found this very frustrating for OP in that everyone needs time to decompress from any stressful situations. I could not understand his wife’s position in him being available 24/7/356 as anyone would burn out eventually. From what OP said that his wife was adamant that neither of the parents be allowed to “Baby Sit" on a weekend giving them both decompression time very strange. Is there some other underlying issues she may be experiencing?

[@yarningchick]

Or worse; he tells her 'overtime at work, sorry', and starts staying at a hotel at least one night a week to get what she refuses to give him, she finds out and immediately assumes that he's having an affair, and refuses to understand that if she just chilled out, he wouldn't have to sneak?

[@Negasilver]

That guy in story 2 is eventually going to write an update about how he got divorced. It's completely fine to want some decompression time.

[@trinitylane2202]

Story 2: I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that OP's wife is a SAHM but still sends the kids to daycare every day. Why? She's at home why isn't she looking after her own kids? I think that's weird.

[@ranhart4106]

Add the fact she not only signed them up for summer programs, then complains the kids dont see them for 35-40 hours a week.... she dodgy af

[@spicymayo8950]

Story 1: my father is the only man in our family. You know what we do? Invite him, and if he doesn’t want to join because it’s not something he’s interested in, then that’s his decision. OP’s family is ridiculous and I’m sorry they excluded him. Hopefully he can build a better family

[@danacarter9147]

Same here. If OP does build a better family, it will be with a kid, (preferably, no wife or girlfriend, because he won't need a woman to have kids with), and a wonderful friend group.

[@GLoLChibs]

Story 1- OP should talk to his father and get his side of the story because it sounds like OP was raised in a family of misandrists.

[@dtownblastinsalvi62]

Just say liar and entitled people misandrist is dumb

[@danacarter9147]

I agree with you 💯 on that.

[@MH-ku5kn]

Story 1... been waiting for this update and honestly... good for him!! Op deserves better and they're all "embarrassed" because they all now know what the world thinks of their character even if we have ZERO clue who they are.

[@DaniS398]

The mom in story 2 needs to find herself again. She losing her identity in parenthood and as a wife. I get that. My hubs actually has been encouraging me to explore my hobbies, even giving me extra money to do so with since I am a SAHM and not working anymore due to a disability. My hubs has planned guys nights out to game with friends and time to exercise just about every day and he needs that to decompress and it is so beneficial for the whole family unit for both parents to have their own things and time to themselves not being spouses or parents. OP is NTA. He's burning out and it will end in a bitter divorce if she doesn't give him some space.

[@karaleetdrenduringdragon8961]

Story #2: If I am reading this right, OP is an introvert. He WILL go crazy if he never gets a break. That's not a bad thing, I am an introvert too, and I handle gatherings and close contact best when I have a reasonable amount of alone time. It's not about love or a lack thereof, it's just how we are built. Same as an extrovert does need a reasonable dose of company regularly. Just how extroverts are built, and God love 'em. Don't try to change 'em, that will never happen. It SHOULDN'T happen, and can't succeed, regardless of the pressure mounted on them. A decent parallel would be his wife bitterly complaining that he won't split a bag of chips with her and doesn't want to 'share' ignoring that he is literally dying of thirst. Of COURSE he doesn't want salty snacks, no matter how much he generally loves them. He needs water or the consequences will be dire. Mind you, that woman would prolly blame HIM for experiencing the consequences of neglecting his needs when he does crack. She sounds like one of those who do not understand pain unless it is HER pain, and then it had better be taken seriously, or else. Sorry, don't mean to take it too far, it's just a fellow introvert suffering in a way that would drive me nuts personally does actually trigger me.

[@logirl1975]

Story 1: I really have to question the reason there was no contact with OP's dad after the divorce. Because this conduct is basically nothing less than misandry. In the end OP is better off cutting ties and starting fresh. There is nothing of value for him in his mother's family.

[@danacarter9147]

Agreed.

[@philipturner9087]

Story 1 NTA - What a wicked bunch of witches you have for a mother and sisters. Go no contact don’t even go the funeral if one or more of them dies.

[@adamwilliams4928]

Story 2: I wonder what's going on with OP's wife that SHE doesn't want to have date nights? I could understand if OP just wanted to get away from everyone and that was it. But he seems to miss being husband and wife, rather than simply being mom and dad, just as much.

[@19WolfGirl74]

Story 2: are we sure she isn’t freaking out and forcing him to spend time with the kids because they aren’t actually his?

[@sharonhoupt5053]

Story 1: Yes, they are purposely leaving him out. Good for him going no contact. I believe they will contact him when they NEED something from him and I hope he tells them to pound sand.

[@Arthus850]

Story 1: Notice how they didn’t even try to convince him to stay and they actually admit that they don’t care that he went no contact with them. Based on this, I think that’s what they wanted. For whatever reason they didn’t want him in their lives anymore but they didn’t want the burdens that come with kicking him out, so instead they exclude him and drive him into him leaving them. That way they can paint a picture looking like it was his fault. Congratulations. They got their wish. On a related note, he says that the only time they don’t exclude him is on holidays, how long until they make holidays into “girl’s nights” too? Thank god he didn’t stick around to find out.

[@calicocritterscrafts886]

Story 2: he’s going to burn out and either divorce or worse. My husband and I MAKE SURE we give each other breaks. He gets his time (he usually plays video games) and I get mine (I usually craft or binge watch something) but this is ESSENTIAL!!! Our mental health would be wrecked without these breaks!

[@Dragotto]

Story 1: If I was him, I'd start looking for my dad. It seems like his mother is a horrible person, raised two girls to be horrible people, and has an extended family that's equally horrible. Only way to get back at them is to rebuild a relationship with your father and do some father-son bonding. I'd also like to get his perspective of what happened in the divorce. His mother's behavior towards the youngest of her 3 children is pretty disturbing.

[@witheredrose357]

s 2 nta OP is not a robot. He is his own person with thoughts and feelings, everyone including parents, needs breaks. Perhaps something else is going on with OPs wife that he doesn't know about to cause her to act like this? Or does she legit believe you become nothing but a caretaker once a parent like all sense of personality is wiped away? If so...that's concerning

[@whiskeyontherocks]

My parents were like OP in story 2, dad somewhat introvert worked transporting more or less drunken people to and from the Mediterranean and my very much extrovert mother was a stay at home wife and mother. They often clashed, until my mother started working again. I think that would be the solution, wife starts working part time, maybe volunteering but just see other wall papers and have some social interaction

[@caridadchang7895]

Story 2: I am surprised that I havent seen this theory pop up more but like... It sounds like the wife is cheating on OP while he is at work, and this she doesnt want to "date" him anymore and only keeps him around as a father to the kids. I hope I'm wrong.

[@akl2k7]

It wouldn't be surprising. The kids are in summer camp 8 hours a day and they have a three-bedroom house. She can't be spending all of that time cleaning. It would be spotless by Tuesday.

[@Angelictigerjin]

I think you are right,she has someone on the side and OP is nothing more then an ATM for her,she is a text book Narcissist-Isolation is pure Narc mode she can't possibly be cleaning the house 5 days a week,8 hours a day unless the kids are feral...which i highly doubt as they arent home.

[@jnmsks6052]

Story 1. I feel really bad for OP. It sounds like he's correct and his family is intentionally excluding him. My mom's younger sister initiated a girls trip with all of the female members of the family of all ages, whether born into the family or married into it but 1, it's one day per year, and 2, the family is fairly equal in terms of male vs female members. If there were just 1 guy in the family, I don't think any of us would want to exclude him. To do so multiple times per month and even for something that seems like a family occasion is just plain mean.

[@CharlesGriswold]

Story 2: The wife is emotionally abusive and OP needs to get the hell out.

[@ladystonebridge6784]

The first story is so sad. It’s like his family doesn’t care at all I feel really bad for op.

[@kendra31]

Story 2 made my skin crawl. I would respond to her saying op "doesnt care about his family" with, "you dont want to be in a marriage". Cant think of any other way to open her eyes to the seriousness of her situation because many people would leave someone like her in a heartbeat.

[@zitadoeza]

That first story kind of feels like the family got what they ultimately wanted; a girls-only family.

[@AleksandarBradaric]

Story 2 is one of the examples why I lean to not having kids, no offense to anyone, cause I know I would be in his shoes

[@loganphillips2166]

Story 1: Imagine going out of your way to exclude someone and then they take it personally. Not a group of people being excluded but just one. I call that solid grounds to walk away.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 she doesn't work outside the home. Being a SAHM is a job, I hate when people down play that. But, even so the wife is a million percent wrong here. As someone who's extremely introverted, I'm going to absolutely need to get some time to myself each week. When I'm not able to get my me time, I'm a monster. Snapping at people, overwhelmed, burnt out. It just can't be done. As long as the wife gets some alone time here, definitely NTA. She's so selfish, loud and wrong. I'm sure the kids don't want every spare minute with parents either. I know I'd be so over my parents and this foolishness

[@Andrea.S.Alvey12]

Her entire personality is tied to being a mother. It's not healthy.

[@yesthatmousyiris4887]

@@Andrea.S.Alvey12 And a spouse too

[@reneeboone9730]

Her kids are in school, three bedroom house. Unless she is volunteering for 8 hours a day, she has a lot of down time. She is controlling. If they stay married until the kids leave, he most definitely will be out to. I don't think he will last 11 years if the youngest is 7, he is already mentally gone.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@Andrea.S.Alvey12 Her kids are in school or "camp" all day. She has a lot of spare time...

[@owl7072]

"If you want to spend so much time away from this family-" it's _a few hours. That's it._

[@madambutterfly1997]

You shouldn’t have to wait til you’re an empty nester to get some free time

[@calebhoffman6368]

In the first story you realize how messed up his family is when they are meeting 24-30 times a year without him. He is much better off not having people like that in his life.

[@ronniec427]

I feel bad for both of these OPs. The women in their lives are displaying toxic behaviors.

[@danacarter9147]

So, do I.

[@w7100]

Story 1: Get married, have a kid, when they come around saying grandma and aunt, just say sorry immediate family only and post some pics with your kid and your dad, find your dad seriously, i think he may have a different story to tell.

[@johnowen9349]

Story 1: They will never admit to it. Accountability is anathema to these kinds of people and that's why they have been harsh to the point of delusion toward OP. Making up wrongs he never did, dismissing his feelings, demeaning him, and misrepresenting his his position back to him. In the end they declare that the undeniable truth is him lying about them on the internet. He's better off never dealing with them again. But he has to be hard about it. No compromise, no give, no exceptions. They are worse than strangers to him now. No favors, no listening to their problems, no shoulders to cry on, no answering calls or emails or texts. If cornered just stare at them until they let you go, if they escalate call the cops about harassment or assault. They wanted "girls only", so give them "girls only".

[@kennnnn]

First guy should have just said "I will NOT comply with being bullied."