Daughter Uninvites Mom From Graduation In Favor Of Absent Father r/Relationships

[@corlenajames1381]

Story 1: NTA! Redditors are foolish to think parents MUST accept awful treatment from their kids, simply on the basis of having kids, smh. Mom did the right thing here.

[@TT-fy6hk]

because redditors are kids themselves, they are not the adults you seek advice from

[@corlenajames1381]

@@TT-fy6hk I don't seek advice from Reddit, lol, but I do enjoy how others use it as a sounding board. Definitely makes for interesting content.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

@@TT-fy6hk The opinions I hear on Reddit are definitely the kind of stuff I heard from my son when he was a teenager. Extremely high, almost super human expectations because they're parents and adults, and their kids are just young so everything they do is justifiable. He's in his early 20s now and has apologized for his ridiculous expectations.

[@charlotteinnocent8752]

Her child is 18. That's old enough to know better.

[@Hiimreggie]

Op got tired of being pushed to the side and her feelings not recognized

[@Taecoconut]

I hope OP doesn’t talk to her daughter or goes very LC with her. Bev IS a stalker and has most likely done all the things the dad said. The mother needs to just let her have a dose of reality. Bev will always play the victim and blame everything on everyone else for her shortcomings

[@fosterdawson7339]

honestly i think the mom might need a dose too if she thought the dad was lying about the stuff bev did. Sure she can trust bev and hasn't seen the dad in awhile, but if he's had a decent reason then jeez

[@jofip9199]

@@fosterdawson7339 I mean, it must be hard to believe your daughter did something like that, specially if it came from someone you consider unreliable Though that’s just my guess, I’m not a parent

[@tamsel814]

@@fosterdawson7339 yeah, the co-parenting relationship seems to have been non-existent

[@carlrood4457]

@@fosterdawson7339 I think the OP has been lying to herself for years about her relationship with her daughter and excusing bad behavior for a long time. That level of mental illness doesn't happen overnight. As primary caregiver the OP has to bear some responsibility with not curbing her daughter's expectations.

[@zerobolt9506]

I'm really surprised to find out the dad wasn't the bad guy here, OP & him need to go full NC with Bev, she is major screwed up and disturbingly obsessed with her dad, making me feel she feels something more than familiar love for him

[@saldiven2009]

I'm willing to bet the reason OP's daughter called OP her "best friend" is because the daughter doesn't really have any friends. She seems unstable and manipulative.

[@helenlewis2510]

Bev is going to get knocked up by the first guy that shows her any attention now that she’s alone at college

[@witheredrose357]

from the sounds of the update, I wouldn't be surprised if she'd poke hole's in a condom and go full stalker mode

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

Definitely. She was screwed up by an absentee father

[@teacheschem]

Hope she doesn’t come running back to the mother she is disrespecting.

[@partyshoes2917]

Sounds just about right 😬

[@handsomesquidward7713]

Tell me, why is it that a man's loneliness and trauma are viewed as a societal failing, whereas a woman's is viewed as a personal failure? Why is *she* viewed as "damaged goods" but the absentee father isn't? Just say you relish in the suffering and loneliness of vulnerable women, and go.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Somehow I missed story 1. Don't remember this. Parents are people too. This is betrayal. She chose her deadbeat father over her devoted mother. I would be destroyed if my daughter did this. The daughter is horrible. She needs to get in therapy. Her behavior is cruel and self destructive 1000x NTA

[@chetarisin3035]

She's already in therapy? Did you not listen? Edit: I now realize she left therapy and is a psycho

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree. Bev needs massive help. I also think that OP should start letting her daughter go and do her own thing and focus on herself. She's an adult now and OP needs to step away anyway.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly Tough love like you say for sure. This dynamic will just enable Bev

[@drl5002]

Op said Bev has already been in therapy from her dad abandoning her.

[@carlrood4457]

@@drl5002 Needs a new therapist.

[@immasnakeee6460]

Man reddit ticks me off. The amount of crap redditors expect a parent to go through in these stories to appease their children is insane. That girl is something else. I could never do that to my mother. NTA

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

ya i mean i never would have been able to act like that towards my parents, they love me but would have cut me off with the lack of respect that girl shows. TBH if mom is paying for college or anything that would stop. But its reddit so two things are evident "you a parent kid is right and woman is right man is wrong".

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

Redditors are entitled, that's why

[@Mkay999]

Agreed. She learned an important lesson to not take the people that love you for granted. She could have made that mistake for her wedding one day in the hopes of her father being there. It’s good she learns it now.

[@briansmaller7443]

Reddit is full of spoiled 20-35s with Daddy Issues. What do you expect?

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I know right? I would NEVER do that to my own mother either, even if my father was a deadbeat. Bev needs to take this as a hard lesson to not take people who love you for granted.

[@personneici2595]

Story #1: Crying hysterically for 3 hours is unstable behaviour. I believe the father about the stalking and threats. She's an adult now and if she keeps this up she's headed for jail or an institution. OP needs a reality check.

[@Barlmoro]

she has really hard daddy issue. i think the dad told the truth. She will have mayor problems in her future and tbh a relationship herself : nope.

[@AndreNDP]

I do not. I don't believe him for a fucking second. He wants to erase the inconvenient parts of his past and continue on with his happy little family. His daughter wants him to be a goddamn man and stand up to his responsibilities. Granted, does she have issues? Yes. Is her hatred misplaced? Yes. Should she grow up and realize he doesn't want her? Yes. That doesn't mean he's not pond scum.

[@dillongage]

Oh its well too late. Shes been in therapy for 10 years. She KNOWS exactly how wrong what shes doing is and still chose to do it. Have her committed and move on with your life. Not everyone deserves a chance at a normal life.

[@sammieg8641]

My thoughts exactly

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

The fact that the daughter said the dad will always supercede mom (despite not wanting contact) was the red line she crossed. I would personally have a huge problem with that. The daughter is a real slow learner for sure, and this will likely spill over into her future relationships. At least OP had some relief with the daughter being out of the house. OP is the safe beta she can hang out with while she tries to recreate her perfect daddy scenario over and over again. Yikes.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The daughter is adult or nearly adult. This was a good life lesson. You have to set boundaries regarding how you will be treated even with your children. F around and find out. NTA.

[@hismom5600]

Aye! Say it again for the people in the back! 👍👍👍

[@nikkiwhray1598]

So true. In a few months, when this same parent writes about her adult child living in her home, rent free, treating her like an emotional punching bag, the same Redditors will be commenting that Bev is an entitled piece of crap and the OP deserves it for spoiling her as a child.

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

OP didn't ditch her daughter: her daughter ditched her. The daughter basically threw her in the trash bin on the curb, then got upset that when she went to fish her out, that the bin was already taken after she didn't get the new toy she wanted.

[@randomusername3873]

I love how she is ok with the father constantly ditching her, but how dare her mother not go to her graduation after being uninvited Edit comment: OP DID NOT DITCH HER DAUGHTER, she was uninvited

[@dream6562]

But it isn't about op anymore its about her daughter when you become a parent, you are signing up to make sacrifices for them end of story

[@randomusername3873]

@@dream6562 not when an adult child is deliberately hurtful and cruel to you, at that point you need to protect yourself

[@dream6562]

@@randomusername3873 like I said signing up to be a parent is about making sacrifices, you don't want to make sacrifices don't be a parent, happiness is one of those sacrifices

[@artistsan3344]

@@dream6562 I would never do this to my mother. NTA she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. Especially if her kid betrayed her.

[@jusminejustice2794]

The update was a huge twist! She threatened her father’s family and threw a fit at Op’s home, because she blames Op for her terrible relationship with her father. - Honestly Op should go no contact with her daughter. Goodbye deadweight! - Edit: I can see why her father keeps ditching her.

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 1- do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Why do people feel it necessary to keep putting themselves out there over and over again for the person doing the stepping to get mad when you refused to be stepped on. C’mon people get real this is the most important lesson this girl can learn. Don’t burn a bridge and expect the other person to rebuild it!

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yep. I wish more people would understand that burning bridges have serious consequences and can't be rebuilt just like that.

[@Russman67]

Bev has an entirely different reality worked out in her head in regards to how her father is. And she's willing to cut everybody out, including your mom to have that imaginary dad. OP needs to just let her go. There's limits to what a parent can do. And she can't continue to set herself on fire to keep Bev warm.

[@jackiehyde5893]

New details! My girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me at a summer research program, lied about it, and my brother is married to her sister.. kzbin.info/www/bejne/kKWclI1raLN9etk

[@FinnishLapphund]

Hear, hear @RussellGrant, you said exactly what I wanted to say, but much more succinct, and eloquently. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Yes. She's living in her own little fantasy world.

[@kmechwarrior1684]

Let her go, until she sees the error of her ways, then be the consoling mother and let her make amends

[@Barlmoro]

yes this are some very hard daddy problems in her head. BUT i like to ask: what did the therapist in this 10 jeahrs. I think she got a bad one and this will be a problem for rest of her life.

[@BoxOKittens]

Holy cow this was sad. So many people expect parents to take abuse from their own children. I actually know a mother and son exactly like this. His dad ditches him all the time, and he gives his mom hell every single day. He's only 12 right now and I worry for when he's older and bigger than her. Some kids just aren't good for their parents, as horrible as that is to say.

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

I know someone like that. The son is 4. Dad told him during a visit he’d meet him back in NZ. (American.) When he went back home to NZ, he expected his dad to be there at the airport. He wasn’t, so son threw a humongous fit and was screaming at and hitting and biting his poor mom. Obviously very small but it could continue.

[@ineedhoez]

It is notnthe child. It is the codependent enmeshment of the mother/son relationship. Same here. As soon as someone says "I am my child's best friend" I know that emotional incest is afoot. The lack of boundaries is the problem. That is on the parent.

[@brinajosie4657]

​@@ineedhoezno. Some children are just little ungrateful shits and that's okay to admit. A lot of these time the child will be more angry at the parent that stayed instead of the one that abandoned them because the crave the absentee parent approval so badly.

[@jakeking3859]

Story 2: The thing that gets me, and that no one is mentioning, is that; she didn't just throw a tantrum. She's very smart, and I know people always say kids are smarter than you think they are, but she's only six, and she KNEW that you need a passport to go on holiday, and had the foresight to see that if she ruined the passport, OP wouldn't be able to go. So not only did she ruin OP's possessions in anger, she ruined the one thing that would get her what she wanted, and that kind of behaviour being almost completely unpunished by the parents is seriously worrying.

[@Azulakayes]

She is going to be a manipulative person if this isn't nipped in the bud. The parents should pay for it so that it will motivate them to be better parents. My policy has always been, you break it you pay for it.

[@joanwinters5647]

when the sister said are you happy to take her christmas presents i would have said yes maybe she will learn not to take away from others then

[@mycupoverflows7811]

Yes that kids needs no Christmas or birthday for the next year. I cannot believe the behavior. That is one entitled child who's been spoiled for too long.

[@rhylla_864]

@@joanwinters5647 my immediate response. The remaining Xmas funds should only go to the little little who didn't know better

[@Crux_JCr]

It's even worse because she manipulated someone who didn't understand what they were doing in order to do this. This is criminal minds type shit where technically you didn't do anything because you never gave explicit orders you just knew who would do what you wanted and made sure they did what you wanted. "I gave a two year old delicate papers but I just wanted him to hide it, he broke it of his own choice. I had nothing to do with that." I will be honest as a grown man, this really set off warning bells.

[@hilarysylvia4774]

Bev needs to hit rock bottom in order to realize just how good she actually had it. Not that I agree with how Fred is acting, but it sounds like he's telling the truth.

[@fluidwolf]

I wonder if Bev going all stalkery might have been what prompted him going off thr grid with her in the first place.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I do think the parents should've communicated better about Bev though. Instead of blocking OP out he also could've kept her updated about the stalking, so it could've been addressed years ago when it started.

[@spacetofu5306]

​@@Nathan_Bookwurm actually he should have because by trying to deflect, he only made it worse

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 2: OP needs to get a lock for her room if she lives with her parents still. She needs to tell her sister that unless they pay her back she is going to fie a police report and sue in small claims court. She also needs to tell her niece that being spiteful and ruing another person's joy just because she can't share in it is very selfish and until she learns to be a better person, OP isn't going to be babysitting neither her not her little brother. This is a dangerous learning experience for the niece. Her parents are enabling her behavior and she will continue this behavior with kids at school if she gets away with this.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@justlooking1299]

Listen , I’m more concerned about the fact she’s threatening her dads wife and her half siblings. She sounds crazy like the mom did all she can do

[@Smilemyway5642]

Something people don’t understand is that the parent that stays is almost always the parent that gets the blame. I seen so many times in my personal life and online. It’s so sad

[@forsomenotreally]

Story 1: The daughter definitely does take OP for granted and is spoiled. No apology should've been given. I just hope that OP isn't paying for her daughter's college or helping in any way.

[@sM-ww9zb]

What the fuck

[@copercurlz]

I can't believe Bev turned on her mother like that! How could anyone treat such a kind sounding mother. I hope OP feels better and I hope Bev gets some help. She definitely needs it.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

I'm wondering if this is the first time OP has taken the rose coloured glasses off. The daughter sounds extremely manipulative and unhinged. Honestly if the messages the ex's aunt said are true I'd cut contact as well. P.S. How useless are the therapists there if they never noticed this kind of behaviour for a decade... Or did they and OP ignored it?

[@Barlmoro]

@@anthonygilmour6236 yes this girl hase some mayor daddy issue and this will be a problem with her relationships in the future. And i think too the mother had look at her daughter with to much rose coloured glasses. To the therapist: 3 posible think i see: 1) The girl learnt fast to lie and tell the therapist only what he would like to hear. 2) the therapist was a bad one and maybe is the reason why she had this issue at all 3) the therapist is one of the kind who try to make some long lasting patience and succed with her. paycheck for 10 jeahrs.

[@colleens1107]

Simple; she has learned mommy will always be there and thus takes her for granted. It really is that simple. She desperately wants daddy and does NOT appreciate Mom because of moms unconditional love for her

[@bricksloth6920]

Story one: the daughter is of the right age for personality disorders to be manifesting. Her refusing to go back to therapy and the out of control behavior is consistent with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

[@4NeonFun]

Not to mention, there could be any number of reasons for not going to therapy anymore, be it personal preference, therapist mismatch, or the mental health concerns. What really stood out to me was OP's daughter's attachment issues both her parents where she pushes her loving and supportive mom away while compulsively seeking out a relationship with her sperm donor who likely was a factor in her developing these issues with the pattern of empty promises leaving her to feel empty and inadequate. She's responding explosively to the feeling of rejection when yet another promise was broken and having her mother put her foot down when she kept lashing out by uninviting her. Based on this post, the daughter needs serious help at serious risk of developing a full on personality disorder with her pattern of codependency as she's already showing some tendencies hallmark to BPD.

[@mycupoverflows7811]

The stalkerish behavior and self absorption made me think she's a budding narcissist too.

[@jackchop1576]

DEPRESSION is the mental disorder that is statistically 5 times more likely in people arrested for violent crimes. So, if you are going to stigmatize mental disorders, stigmatize depressed people.

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@mycupoverflows7811 Not really, it's more BPD caused by her dad's abandonment. Learn what narcissism is 🙄

[@4NeonFun]

@@jackchop1576 This is literally the opposite of what needs to happen. Destigmatize mental health, period and make universal access to mental healthcare a priority. If we're going to stigmatize anyone, it's how histrionics are praised by those in power to set up oppressive systems where the majority are chronically in survival mode. There's also classically nothing seen wrong with possessing anti-social tendencies and are in fact rewarded by possessing certain character traits. Why is it that power corrupts when dynamics are created that corruptible minds are drawn to these positions if not for having a sense of control? If anyone should be completely shunned, ostracized and alienated from society, it should be the narcissistic deadbeat as described in the story and those whom possesses similar characteristics.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 2: "Are you happy taking away their Christmas?" If it gets me my money back and makes you a better parent in the future, absolutely.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

It's not my taking away their Christmas, it's your 💩 parenting. Do better before the little psychopath your coddling really causes irreparable harm.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Yup. ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

[@Bleg94]

1. Story: OP didn't ditch her, OP was uninvited, then had other plans a and didn't want to do the same thing she did, tell someone they are at most a second choice the update makes the daughter an even worse person

[@JohnAlcott238]

It's almost like she's a selfish child. It's almost like that's how 19 year Olds act. I'm glad my mom doesn't hold the shit I did at 19 over my head.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@JohnAlcott238 Normal nineteen-year-olds aren't delusional stalkers who throw violent temper tantrums.

[@Bleg94]

@@JohnAlcott238 and 19 year olds learn that their actions have consequences because ... the parents give them consequences also the mother did not do anything wrong, she was uninvited and instead of planning to sulk around while waiting for her daughter to return from the event she was just uninvited from, she made other plans all OP did was showing the daughter that if you invite someone to something, make plans with them etc, you stick to those plans, what she did was finally acting like a parent instead of giving in to the whims of the delusional daughter

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@brigidtheirish normal 19yos don't have shitty absent fathers who abandon them for their new family

[@brigidtheirish]

@@rubymeaddle Did you listen to the end? Sounds like the dad *didn't* abandon her, *she* went creepy stalker and made threats against his new family. At the end, OP said she went on a date without feeling guilt for the first time in over a decade.

[@HunnieSuckle24]

As a single parent to an 18 year old, OP is NTA. My daughter's father has chosen to not be in her life and I'm always there for my daughter. While I can understand that Bev wanted her father there, she is old enough to understand that her father ain't shit and will never be there for her unless it's on his terms. She should have known this was a set up the moment that he gave a demand that OP isn't there. He wanted to look like the superhero parent at OPs expense. Bev is an AH for shitting on OP. Dad is an AH for obvious reasons. OP was justified for how she conceded to Bev's decsion. She's not obligated to then just drop everything and be the consolation parent because now she looking dumb in the face. Dad was never coming to begin with and Bev knew that as much as OP did.

[@AlejandroMeri]

"She should have known this was a set up the moment that he gave a demand that OP isn't there." the thing is that according to 14:14 she lied, her father had actually said he wouldn't go (and I'm inclined to believe him more than Bev considering he sent screenshots showing Bev being an abusive stalker) Yeah, he's still an AH but considering the update he was not the supreme villain of the universe we all thought of him.

[@alenasenie6928]

As the son of a mother that raised 2 in her own, with a very absent but not bad father (he lived in another city, it was put of his control, there was no way to travel to see us outside holydays, and he always was there during holydays), OP is NTA, I can't imagine any scenario where I would prioritize my father over my mother. But let's things be clear, the father in the story never asked to be prioritized, he never said he was going to be there at all, he is also caught in the daughter's lies, he is not NTA, but he is also not an asshole. At least in the scenario, according to text messages.

[@alenasenie6928]

@@AlejandroMeri I see the father as neutral, not NTA but also not an AH, at least for the story itself, the absence in the past is another thing outside the story itself.

[@HunnieSuckle24]

@@alenasenie6928 I can respect this wholly until the end. He made no attempt to ask if OP would be comfortable or not. He simply assumed. As the parent and full adult, communication is not his strongest character trait. Now, I will say that my comment was made before hearing the update but I have to say that even though she's 18, OP should have been clued in on this once she got aggressive. He doesn't or seem to care what her emotional or mental state is. Once her texts changed, OP could have mentioned this to Bev's therapist before she went (for lack of a better term) rouge. Other than that, I can agree with you.

[@ptaradactletime11]

@@alenasenie6928 he’s overall the asshole due to how he treated her. Like sure he wasn’t the asshole for not going, but he is the asshole for abandoning his daughter in the first place and being the probable cause for all of these issues.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Story 1: What the heck is wrong with the dad. Especially since he didn’t plan to go in the end. Was he just trying to mess with the 2 of them? At least the daughter might finally realise that she can’t rely on him. Edit: Damn, the daughter is a B. Update 2: Ok. That was certainly a plot twist. But isn’t the daughter in therapy. Were there not signs? Story 2: Isn’t J 6? That’s a criminal in the making.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly wait til the second update.

[@leegraves8878]

No the daughter is insane.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@swearimnotarobot3746 Just finished reading it, and I'm deeply saddened on OP's behalf. I think OP should just let her daughter Bev go now. She's an adult after all, and at this point, she's only going to learn not to take her mother for granted if OP stops coming to her rescue. Especially when it's unappreciated later.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly but the fact that she’s making so much up. And lied that the dad didn’t want her there. Meaning the daughter didn’t want her there. It’s so messed up

[@aaronmedley7606]

"that act alone was enough to rip the blinders off of her".....but this isn't the first time he pulled this shit

[@AndyyWithAY]

For the update if what the father says is true and he has receipts he should've had her involuntarily committed or at least told her mother who had custody. He majorly dropped the ball. If any of that is true and OP knows its true or there's been proven disturbing behavior, OP dropped the ball too. This is how people get hurt/ hurt others.

[@leegraves8878]

I don't think he can but if the mom would get out of denial she should that girl is probably going to murder her first crush.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@leegraves8878 Or her first crush’s girlfriend. Lol. Sounds like a Lifetime movie in the making.

[@tracylw]

@@leegraves8878 yeah even after op confronted her daughter after seeing the evidence and her daughter Denies it she goes and says she believes her. I have the feeling that's been the pattern all along

[@fluidwolf]

@@tracylw It honestly feels like what the OP feels about her daughter and what she describes her doing are at complete odds with each other. Her daughter literally admitted to her face that she was perfectly willing to sacrifice OP to get what she wanted, while also flip flopping on whether she wanted OP there at her event at all. In the story she is delusional, lying, manipulative, hysterical, and violent yet the mother just instantly believes that the daughter couldnt be like that at all towards the dad's family? Then there is the mother talking about finally having a date without being guilted near the end. Daughter may have been doing damage to the mother's life that she was too busy placing all the blame on the ex to properly assess.

[@tracylw]

@@fluidwolf I agree but again op created it buy being her friend instead of her parent. I'm guessing op felt so much guilt for her daughters father being absent and just allowed things to get to the point of no return and nows she's paying for it. Her daughter will come crawling back when she needs money. The question is will op give in, my guess is she will

[@dm9078]

I couldn’t have predicted the details but I knew that eventually OP would realize that the daughter was the problem. When daughter said that her mother would always be second to the father and then went back to casually scrolling her phone it was clear there is something seriously wrong with her. I also suspected that OP had sacrificed everything for the daughter. And I was right. OP hasn’t been on a date for 10 years. Why because she wanted to be there for the daughter and now she is reaping rewards of her foolish selflessness. I wish her luck. Oh yeah NTA! She was never TA not by a million miles.

[@tallyp.7643]

Bev engineered things just right to ensure that mom was the perfect back-up plan. Dad is #1 to her, but she knows how to yank mom's chain and get her back to her place. Until now, anyway. And OP getting into dating and relationships would screw up the safety net. In a way, she made mom dependent on her for emotional needs while treating her terribly. Bev is gonna get in big trouble sometime soon. Hopefully they'll force therapy and an evaluation on her while in jail like some folks get as part of their sentence.

[@melodysmusicaladventures596]

Story 1: NTA actions have consequences hopefully this will be the nail in the coffin for her to learn her dad doesn’t care Edit: The commentor who said that she should’ve gone anyway pissed me off she didn’t abandon her daughter her daughter told her to not go to the graduation so she didn’t go going after being told by her own daughter that she would rather have her absent father go then the mom that’s been there going would have just enabled this kind of crappy behavior I said before and I’ll say it again actions have consequences Story 2: NTA wtf that kid knew exactly what they were doing and so what if the money came out of the Christmas gift fund that’s what the kid gets for throwing a tantrum and getting the passport destroyed when they where told no if I where her parents I’d tell her they’ll be no Christmas gifts for her at all this year I swear I must sound like a broken record at this point but actions have consequences

[@tallyp.7643]

Story 1: R'amen! There's only so many times you can be the emotional punching bag before enough is enough. I drifted from some family a few years ago because I was tired of bending over backwards to make them feel better or please them. My life's a lot less complicated and I'm even having some fun (or learning how) now that I'm taking care of myself first. Mom definitely needs to: she did her job and daughter pissed on her help and support too often. Time for mom to let daughter be on her own, since Bev thinks that's what she wants most.

[@paden1865able]

Destroying a passport is a criminal matter, though, because it is a Federal identification document. Someone could be facing charges for that.

[@brigidtheirish]

Story 1: I know, right? The sperm-donor ditching doesn't change the fact that Bev *betrayed* OP. Bev only wanted OP to attend *because* the sperm-donor ditched and OP deserves better than the be her own daughter's second choice. The one thing I found in OP's post that hints at OP messing up is her saying this was the first time she'd said "no" to Bev. That's a *horrible* way to raise a kid. Story 2: Yeah. People seriously underestimate how smart six-year-olds are. And how intentionally *nasty* they can be.

[@apersonnamedkai817]

Well that was an unexpected twist by the daughter. She needs to be in therapy or going to be involuntarily admitted in the future.

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

she was in therapy for 10 years, some people are broken beyond help.

[@apersonnamedkai817]

@@johnsmith-kt7ef I agree some people are broken beyond help. However someone such as herself needs to consistently be in therapy. She’s an adult though so unfortunately it won’t happen until she’s involuntarily committed. I have a hard time imagining someone her age with stalker/aggressive tendencies getting better…

[@SparDanger]

My money's on the latter. Hopefully I get proven wrong though.

[@philwill0123]

Story 1- OP: refers constantly to daughter behaving hysterically. Ex husband says daughter behaves hysterically OP: that don't sound like my hysterical behaving daughter.....

[@Julienna]

Exactly. Something is wrong with OP. She would rather believe her crazy daughter, even after reading the evidence of her scary behavior to her dad. But, well, yeah, it is her ex, the one, who dared to leave her and start a new family. So she would rather believe her daughter's explanation. It looks like the daughter is a product of her mother...

[@devegas4910]

I remember this story. OP deserved so much better than the daughter she had. After hearing that last update, all I can say is this: While it was wrong of bev to threaten Fred’s wife and child, this IS his fault and forever will be. He can wash his hands of her as much as he wants, but he already did that years ago when he left and got a new family. Because of him, Bev is this destructive monster and that will forever be his cross to bear. As for Bev, the only person who has the right to wash their hands of her is OP. And one day, Bev is going to end up being detained. That’s cruel to say, but it’s clear that therapy isn’t working and she IS violent. She WILL have another episode and physically attack someone else or worse, her little brother (Sins of the father). At that point it’ll be too late for her. Story 2: sister needs to raise her kids better. She doesn’t HAVE to pay it all at once, but if it gets the message across to her kids that cruel actions have bitter consequences, then maybe they SHOULDN’T have a Christmas.

[@spacetofu5306]

Oh yeah its definitely the father's fault for not communicating with OP or taking the necessary legal action to address Bev's issues, if OP is still providing financial assistance to Bev, she needs to stop it fully and inform the college about her violent nature

[@davidburns2119]

In the first story NTA as a parent I have found that teaching your children that actions have consequences is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done I had a similar experience with my oldest son I went the hard road like OP it hurt me to have to hurt him and things were a little subdued between us for a little while. He came to me later and in a round about way thanked me for this lesson in maturity and understood why I did what I did. My relationship with him is stronger than ever. He gave me a Father’s Day card telling him how thankful he is to have me in his life and how much he loves me! That card is my most prized possession!

[@JohnAlcott238]

Oh so your relationship is stronger so you mean you didn't totally cut them off and your not like this mom at all because you actually taught a child lessons instead of just abandoning them.

[@davidburns2119]

I made a hard decision by teaching him a lesson. The lesson was to not take for granted the people that love you and if you do eventually there will be consequences for those actions. I didn’t cut him off but I gave him an outcome he didn’t like or want at the moment and it gave him a better insight on his decisions going forward. He wasn’t happy at the time it happened but he thanked me later because It caused him to not take anything for granted. Op didn’t completely abandon her daughter she just gave her an outcome she didn’t like or want at the time. My sincerest hope is that her daughter learned to take responsibility for her actions and not take her mom or anything else for granted .

[@kaykay8855]

@@JohnAlcott238Bev uninvited op because she wanted her absentee father there, the father that was never there for her over the mother who was actually there for her. Plus have you seen the update, she was threatening her father new, but let’s face it, his real family. He was never Bev father.

[@antoinealez12]

AHHH my daily dose of birth control. Bev a lost cause and OP should stop comforting her every time her dad bails on her.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Daily dose of birth control 🤣🤣🤣 too true.

[@anno_mundi]

The last story still chocks me. Of course you need to pay for what your kids destroyed. It's the same think if you have a dog that destroys something. You can't just say "well he didn't know better"

[@Azulakayes]

Story 1: Parents also have feelings! The daughter is the one in the wrong not the mother. Relationships are reciprocal and teenagers should be able to understand that. OP is not a bad mom. OP is a great mom who deserves some decency.

[@drl5002]

If I were op, id just tell Bev, "being uninvited from your graduation really hurt me. My sister saw how much i was hurting and offered to take me out during your graduation to take my mind off of the pain and I accepted. I feel it is important to keep my word and not flake on plans especially last minute. Had I been free, I would have gladly attended your graduation. I'm sorry your father flaked on you and you are depressed that you didn't have a parent there for your graduation, but given his history, you should have known that uninviting me could result in not having a parent there. I am still proud of you for graduating and would love to celebrate with you now. Keep this in mind for the future that I am not a backup parent who will always be at the ready when your father drops the ball. If you want me at future events like your college graduation or your wedding, then you need to invite me. If I'm not invited, i can't guarantee that I'll be available if you decide you want me to come last minute."

[@Barlmoro]

this is perfect!

[@TopazFire15]

This is like when kids choose one parent over the one that actually raised them to be there at their wedding; they have every right to do that, but actions have consequences, and the consequences of ignoring your family is losing their love and support

[@rylashadow18]

S1) With how she's acting I fully believe she was stalking and threatening her father's family. She had so much abandonment issues over her dad that the ideals she built in her head warped her reality. She needs professional help and there's only so much as a parent one can do. I hope that she does get that help and the OP continues to live her best life. S2) In all honesty I'd put the ever loving fear of consequences on both those kids. Sure they can say the younger one didn't know any better but he still needs to know that hidding stuff from someone that isn't yours and destroying it is wrong.

[@KristenMSnyder]

At 2.5, he doesn't even have Theory of Mind yet. That doesn't develop until about 4 years old, give or take about half a year. You can't teach him anything about hiding stuff from someone; he can't grasp the concept of hiding stuff from someone yet (you need to develop Theory of Mind to grasp that concept).

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "You've been there for so many of my milestones and I want dad to experience some too" He had a choice and actively made the decision by his own free will to _not be there for your milestones._ Op was there for you no matter what while he only came in when convenient and your response, your "thank you" to her, is to toss her to the side and not let her see one of your biggest milestones in favor of someone who couldn't give less of a shit about you and is clearly just _using you_ to hurt your mother? You don't get to be upset that Op won't be there after daddy dearest (unsurprisingly) bailed on you girly, you made your decision. _Live with it._ Edit: "If you love your child, you stand up for them" if you _really_ love your child, you'll be willing to teach them that actions have consequences no matter how much you may not want to see them upset. Not doing so sets them up for failure, that's not love. Edit 2: So she had a little hissy fit and screamed at Op, calling her a horrible mother, for not going to her graduation then sits there and says she didn't want Op there anyway because she would have been miserable? Make up your mind little girl. And yes, I'm calling her little girl, because she's acting like a child. "Come to my graduation so I can be miserable and hate you for it!" Edit 3: Jfc, scratch some of what I said about the dad, Bev needs some serious, _serious_ help. Imagine calling the one person who's been there for you a burden and a cancer as if they aren't the sole reason you even made it this far. Yeah, it's a requirement to care for kids, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve a little respect for raising you, especially when they were there for you and loved you when the other wasn't. Op was by her side for everything, even apologized despite having technically done nothing wrong, and _that's_ what she gets in return. Being called a cancerous burden by her own child.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Exactly he CHOSE not to be there. He shouldn't get special consideration

[@JohnAlcott238]

Oh man it's almost like she's acting like a child because she is a child.

[@flaskhjertako]

@@JohnAlcott238 an 18 year old.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@JohnAlcott238 I don't know what demons you interact with, but this is not "acting like a child"

[@JohnAlcott238]

@@AndyyWithAY in this kids mind she has to earn her father's love. (I'm not saying this is right) but that is certainly how this kid feels. Her whole life mom was there for her. For one when the daughter said she was glad the mom didn't come, I'm calling bullshit. She said that to look tough after the fact. If she was glad she wouldn't have blown up like that. Because in her eyes her mom is abandoning her. If the adult could look past their own feelings and see the very clear feelings this child is experiencing in the form of these tantrums and outbursts then she could really talk to her daughter and tell her what she needs to hear. But now this story is likely to end with the daughter being abused by the first man who shows her any affection from the hole in her heart from the dad and now mom. People can tell how their loved ones feel and if the tone of this post is anything the daughter could probably feel that the mother just ran out of love for the daughter.

[@jofip9199]

Story 1: honestly, that daughter is the worst. she’s so mean! parents have feelings too

[@taetannim3581]

Holy crap, I've never thought a parent should go "no contact" with their child, but Jesus, "Bev" is psychotic. The poor mother.

[@nixxyhasthoughts]

Story 1: everyone failed Bev. Her therapist, her dad and her mum to a lesser extent. Communication between the parents was so necessary here as she was clearly spiralling and no one had the full picture.

[@leegraves8878]

This lady knows the river in Egypt quite well. Lady your daughter is insane I feel so sorry for her first crush and her first murder victim.

[@stargazerkawaii]

Story 1, what he did was a big enough act that it would have ripped the blinders off? Seriously? This dad has been doing this to her for years I Seriously doubt this changes that much. The lesson in this is not to give up on her father but not to take her mother for granted. A very good life lesson that all people should learn. To not treat loyal friends like crap in pursuit of other new relationship.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Thanks for all the love yesterday Waffle Gang. Apparently they will call me with my medical test results, so no update yet. But I'll update y'all soon as I know. Much love ❤

[@MarkNarrations]

A pleasure andy and thanks for keeping us updated mate!

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@MarkNarrations Thanks Mark, you're the best!

[@faeb.9618]

honestly it sounds like the daughter needs so much more therapy, she clearly is not coping with her deadbeat father staying out of her life as well as she thought if she still has hope for him showing up and lets him hurt her like this over and over after she should've learned her lesson already edit after the update WOOOOOW HOLY SHIT OK this girl needs SO MUCH MORE THERAPY OK

[@Barlmoro]

and a other therapist!

[@corvuscorax7451]

I've heard story 1 before, but the latest updates are new to me, and so baffling. It seems to be saying that the father didn't skip the graduation last minute at all, but had always said he wasn't coming, and Bev seemingly lied to her mom the whole time. Or convinced herself it was totally happening because she was so invested in the idea. Not only that, but a bunch of other, even scarier stuff too... personality disorder, maybe? Regardless, OP has done about all she can, time to let Bev ruin her life solo. Feels bad man.

[@low-keydrama1260]

Story 1: As harsh as it is, actions have consequences. Bev willingly and quickly dropped her mother for a man who was hardly there. This was a lesson she needed to learn and like it was stated, Bev was taking her mother for granted and OP was the one who was crying and begging her daughter to let her come and see the graduation only to be refused. And in the update, Bev still doesn't get it. Not to mention she is hurting her mother. How many times does Bev need to have to get her heart broken for it to set in that he isn't, wasn't or won't be there? Nah. OP is human too. Update 2: Once again the dad lets her down. Dad made it perfectly clear that with his final message to OP that he's done with her and their daughter. As for the daughter stalking and making threats? Not sure if this is true or not but yikes. WOW on the daughter. Calling her mother a burden? A CANCER and that she should burn in hell? Wow that's absolutely disgusting. Kinda makes Dad's explanation a bit more reasonable. I know she's hurting but she's taking her hurt out on the wrong person. Bev is for sure in for a reality check. I'm glad for OP tbh. I feel that she got out of a toxic relationship. Hopefully things turn up for her. Repairing that relationship now is not her responsibility, it's Bev's. OP just left the message of "I love you, you're my daughter and I'll always be here for you" and that's all she can do. Bev needs to put in the effort to make things right, if she does come back and wants a relationship again, not OP and I hope the latter knows that.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

Story 1: OP should get a refund from Bev's therapist. Ten years of therapy and she seems worse than when she started.

[@michaelautrey6641]

"i am in no way condoning what she did" and immediately followed by "you should have sucked it up and went". isnt that condoning what she did? daughter is a grown woman now and made an adult decision and this is the price. why is it children dont have to show the same loyalty to their parents as they expect from their parents? the daughter should have told no thanks as soon as the dad gave his ultimatum.

[@beckyhartley9502]

Story 1: "Her dad ditching her ripped the blinkers off". Did that commenter even read what OP said? He's done it before, multiple times and this girl keeps allowing happen in a non stop cycle and expect mommy to pick up the pieces everytime.

[@natnuss98]

Individual therapy for Bev obviously wasn't enough. I'm so sorry for her parents.

[@ApocalypticEmu]

So Fred never actually said he’d go to graduation if OP wasn’t there. He refused to go on the face of it and said that it was probably for the best bc OP probably wouldn’t be comfortable with him there as one of those polite social excuses to avoid straight up saying “I’m not going bc you keep threatening my family”. And Bev took that to mean “I will bring both myself and my son if you get your mom to not come”. She snubbed her mom over literally nothing but a misconstrued nicety. Either she hasn’t been fully honest with her therapist/herself in years, or she needs a new one who has more of this context. I hope she gets help. Repeatedly taking actions that throw you into otherwise avoidable misery can’t be a fun way to live.

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Story 2 - Even if neither of the kids knew what they were doing; it'd still be the parents responsibility. And like the first commenter, it *should* come out of their Christmas presents.

[@DonBoy22]

S1. The daughter sounds very unwell. The father (sarcastically speaking) knew she was spiralling out of control but could not be bothered to contact OP for even a 10 minute conversation about it until she was to old to be made to get the help she is needing.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "S is only little" And both of your children need to learn actions have consequences. Nephew isn't much of an AH since he's so young, but he still needs to learn you can't just break things, especially if they aren't yours, and niece needs to learn that not everything is about her and that just because she doesn't get to do something doesn't mean she gets to keep others from doing it. I know they're only 2 and 6, but you need to nip this in the bud while they're still young rather than later when they're older and _bigger._

[@AraAra6367]

That one commenter insisting that OP showing up would have shown her daughter who matters is incredibly optimistic. Dad hasn’t seen her since she was 13 and she still clings to the hope that he will come. This wasn’t going to change that. Sometimes throwing the bucket of cold water at your kid yourself is the only way to give them that reality check. AND SURE ENOUGH. The update shows her daughter doesn’t care for anything except her dad. To the point of STALKING him.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 2: I'm fairly sure that in the states it's a felony to destroy government issued identification like a driver's license or a passport. I'm not sure what the laws are where OP is but it's possibly something to hold over the sister's head until she's paid in full.

[@LunaP1]

Yes, that is a felony despite the little blighter being too stupid (he's old enough to know better) to grasp the concept of the law. The parents of said blighter would be the ones to face federal charges and have to pay a hefty fine. Destroying a government issued id carries a high fine in the thousands and possible jail time.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@LunaP1 That's what I thought, thank you for confirming it for me!

[@deedeeschway9566]

@@LunaP1 Parents would only face criminal charges if (within reason) they could’ve prevented their children from committing a crime. Unless they knew their daughter intended to ruin the passport, they can’t be charged. The parents could only be held responsible for a civil case (for damages done by their children) if the OP decided to sue.

[@felix0-014]

Honestly Bev is extremely lucky not to have an order of protection out against her or prison time. What she has been doing is literally a crime and she needs serious help

[@SkiesOfYellow]

Story 2: Those parents should absolutely pay. The thing is, you're responsible for your kids, no matter how little, no matter how awful, you need to keep an eye on them and you need to fix their mistakes. We were at our library a few months ago and my 18 month old grabbed one of the touch-screen computers in the kids area, pulled it onto its face, and shattered the screen. I about pissed myself because I KNOW those things are hugely expensive, and even though I was sitting right next to him, I didn't react fast enough to stop him. I immediately went to the librarians to let them know (don't want another kid getting glass in their fingers from touching it). They know me and the kids by name because we're in there twice a week, but I still wrote down my name and number and told them that I would absolutely pay for a new one. Even though we have an emergency fund, I still burst into tears the second I managed to corral all three kids back into the car, though that was more shame and humiliation and regret than anything else. I could not imagine trying to duck out of paying for it, though. Yeah, the baby did it and he doesn't know any better, but I was right there. I should have been quicker. And I take it as a good lesson for my two older kids, who watched me march up there with a baby under my arm, admit guilt, and tell the librarians that I was absolutely going to pay to replace it.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

She's 18, an adult. And adults see consequences for their actions. The daughter did something callous and when it backfired, expected Ol' Faithful to be there as a backup. That's not the way the real world works young lady, and welcome to it.

[@albertgongora6944]

Yeah I'm just going to say this on the first story I remember hearing this story and I will say to this day I have no sympathy for the daughter she know who she chose and she chose the scumbag father that will never be there for her for whatever reason she is so obsessed with this idea of having that parent versus Op who's been the real parent here and all honesty raising her doing everything she ever wanted and giving her everything she wanted and I'm not going to lie on my child treating me like this I'd be kicking their ass out real quick cuz I would tell them well since this is how you treat me as your mother and all the things I've done for you throughout the years then you're not my daughter no more because I have no reason to be your mother and I'm sorry to say I have no reason to be there for you no more because you chose your dad you can go live with him because you know what I'm tired of constantly trying to win the Battle of being the parent that's been there for you the most but if you want to choose the scumbag that left us for another family and even chose another family over you and barely sees you as their own child then I have no reason to keep trying to win this fight so you got what you wanted you better start packing up and you better be out by tomorrow if not I'm going to get the police involved to remove you and I know that sounds harsh but it's the truth like I'm sorry to say any child that treats their parents like this doesn't deserve to be treated equally and I understand most of the time on this subreddit most of the people on here are normally not the parent but the person dealing with a parent that is completely messed up or act so entitled or neglectful but just like any other person in the situation I only have sympathy for the person who's being wrong here and going through so much crap to basically show why they're the best person in the world which would be yet again like I said the op

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

the daughter will learn the hard way, any financial help i was giving her would be cut off, and she wouldn't be welcome back in my house for a long time. If that day never came, it would suck, but that would be her choice.

[@shebakoby]

"the grass is greener" syndrome.

[@slantos2668]

Story 1: why the h-e-double hockey sticks was the father not communicating the threatening behaviour of Bev to the mother and/or to Bev's therapist?? It's very clear Bev needed far more intensive therapy than what she had, given her behaviour.

[@InvasionAnimation]

Stories like this makes me glad I don't own children. Sounds like she was there her whole life and she till gets betrayed an abandoned.

[@gelibeanzcantrell7192]

i was so not expecting that last update in story 1! honestly i'm surprised at how Fred reacted to OP, especially if they really haven't talked in years. if Bev was doing all this, Fred should've been in contact with OP about it because apparently she had no idea. Bev is toxic af and it may take a LONG while, but i think she'll learn from this eventually. she probably thought that uninviting OP would force Fred to come, but it backfired. hopefully she eventually gets back into therapy and gets the help she needs. jfc.

[@sonicbird]

Honestly now that we know the reason why Fred was never there for bev I'm even more disappointed in him as a father. So Bev was sending troubling messages to Fred and it didn't occur to him at all to conversate with OP about the situation and find a solution to the problem other than cut his daughter and the mother off cold turkey. Fred I hope you know you are worse than a pile of flaming dogshit, I hope Bev can one day find peace.

[@recycledapathy7411]

Ah well. If I was OP in the first story, I'd just ignore Bev the next time she tries to make contact, because clearly being completely ignored and told to screw off is a sign to Bev that she needs to try harder to be in your life. And I mean, no paying for any college stuff, no answering any phone calls, sell your house and move to a new address without telling her, because that's how Bev knows you love her. :P

[@partyshoes2917]

Mom gave the daughter a lesson about being an adult but yeah with those daddy issues I'm sure she's going to fall for the first scumbag that treats her nice

[@JohnAlcott238]

Yeah then the moms gonna realize maybe she should have been patient with this dumb child

[@Barlmoro]

or treat her like shit / or is a old men who likes young grils and remind her of her daddy. i feel sad for this girl , cose i saw to many girls with this kind of problem ending as single mothers who should not be a parent at all or beeing used and broken.

[@octaviuspepper2887]

So apparently Bev has been going to therapy for 10 years to cope so why is she so ridiculously unhinged?

[@megaman37456]

Story 1: OP take this advice: Disown your daughter. It's clear she hates you, cut her out of your life, find a decent partner, and settle down FAR FAR AWAY from Bev, she's an unstable psychotic. She flip flops like a fish out of water while trying to guilt you. You didn't do a bad job raising her, Bev just wasn't good at learning life lessons. Like I said cut her out, find someone who you get along with well, and move away. It'll hurt in the short and mid term, but in the long run, it'll be like removing a jagged shard of glass from your body and you'll finally feel relief that you don't have to live your life walking on egg shells.

[@shells500tutubo]

And this is a case where, if OP gets married, to make sure Bev doesn't know who he is and OP takes his last name and starts going by her middle name. And moves, of course.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 2- I've INSISTED on paying someone back for a cheap ornament my dog accidentally knocked over and broke. Shame the childs parents tried to be melodramatic and guilt trip OP. They should pay OP back, they should be absolutely mortified their daughter behaved so horribly.

[@LOLtz1]

Even if it is your own kid, at a certain point enough becomes enough. You can't expect a person to go through that much misplaced resentment and be ok with it.

[@Ainslet]

For that first story, the mother has already shown the daughter over and over again that she loves her and will be there for her. If she hasn't learned it by now, she's willfully ignoring reality.

[@macylouwho1187]

These enabling parents crack me up. These are the people who will raise children who run off and do the worst crap because no one ever taught them consequences for their actions or how to be decent human beings who think of others. If I’ve seen one spoiled “over” loved brat run amuck and terrorize the world because the little precious could do nothing wrong and parents just supported every sh-tty little thing that they ever did their whole lives-I’ve seen hundreds over the course of my life. They can’t feel empathy because they were never taught how it feels to be treated as they treat others. And they grow up not caring about those same parents who gave them everything and they run off like they never even mattered. It nearly never fails to be that way, and usually on a whim. The only use for them that they have is “use”. They only stick around to use them as they need to. I’ve seen it and seen it and seen it happen. There is a fine line that must be walked between loving them and also showing them that you love and respect yourself and won’t put up with abuse from anyone (setting an example for how to live a healthy life of personal boundaries, where people do not get taken for granted/used/abused at will). That includes parents. What they are describing is a sick love, not a healthy one. You don’t let them steal from stores the same way you don’t let them abuse anyone-that includes yourself. Why? Because it isn’t right to do TO ANYONE. Regardless of why. You just don’t treat people with gay way who are innocent and supportive of you. You don’t treat people who love you worse than an enemy for god’s sake. Geez 😂

[@walkz007]

Exactly!

[@rosefriday4287]

Honestly the amount of pressure society puts on parents about their kids even when their kids are toxic abusive assholes is disgusting to me It's honestly stories like this as well as my own experiences with my sister that make me scared to have kids at all

[@VeranaXS]

Wow i remember this story and that I commented that the daughter will want a relationship with op late in her life but op will move on by then It looks like my prediction in coming true

[@vSpade]

The daughter navigated this situation horribly and attempted damage control by having her mom serve as a backup attendee because her dad flaked. You don't treat your mother like that. Especially a mother who has raised you alone. My parents were divorced and came to my graduation. There's a lot of room in an amphitheater and they simply attended separately on opposite sides. It's not like they have to sit together. Like the daughter, my mom raised me. I have a great relationship with my pops, but if he came at me with "I'll only go but your mom can't be there". I'd say "Well, I guess you'll have wait another decade to attend your other kids' graduations. Take care!"

[@alexsantoire4701]

Hold up.... The therapist is aware of the text messages between the daughter and the father, and if they were threatening and physically violent, they did nothing? Excuse me? That child has a therapist problem. A therapist for 10 years that literally did nothing to help them with their abandonment issues. Disgusting.

[@JohnAlcott238]

That's because the father is lying.

[@NinaHenderson91]

Where did it say the therapist was aware? It seems like the daughter lied to the therapist about what was going on.

[@alexsantoire4701]

@@NinaHenderson91 in the video OP stages that the therapist is aware of the text messages in case the father was manipulating the daughter. Implied they know of the messages or the content of the messages.

[@alexsantoire4701]

@@JohnAlcott238 ??? Regardless if that is true or not. This a therapist that hasn't helped their client in 10 years to find ways to cope with their abandonment problems. To the point they are living in a delusional state and harming loved ones around them for it. That isn't sound therapy.

[@NinaHenderson91]

@@alexsantoire4701 I did not see anywhere that the therapist knew about the messages the daughter sent to her father.

[@redtailarts101]

Story 1: I believe that dad. Bev is unhinged. She's so obsessed with her father that she straight up told her own mom that she will always be second to her father, told her to burn in hell, and said terrible things about his new family. He wasn't the problem this whole time, she was.

[@amyyaku5022]

Story 1: NTA. I feel sorry for Bev because she just wanted to be around her father, but she's taking her anger out on the wrong person and being ungrateful. It's clear OP loves her and while I understand Bev's wanting her father around, she should've appreciated OP.

[@Barlmoro]

i feel bad for bev, but with this unsolved daddy issues she will never find a good realtionship, cose a) nobody will come close to her dad in her mind or b) she will be clingy as f with partners from fear of losing. Not good and no fun.

[@SatinFoxx]

That story doing a 180 to be the daughter lying about almost all contact with the dad is horrifying. She didn't cut her mom out for her dad, she threatened the lives of his family and he said no. I feel so bad for this woman, she wasn't gaslighted by her ex, he wasn't abusing his daughter, the girl manipulated her mother and sent threats of harm to her father. Therapy won't help someone evil enough to pretend it's helping.

[@shells500tutubo]

He most definitely WAS abusing his daughter. How do you call not seeing her for years on end and only sporadically calling her normal? And when she started descending into mental illness not giving a heads up to OP? He just didn't give a shit about Bev or OP AT ALL and acted like he never had a daughter. He is a monster.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 your children's behavior prohibited OP from going on a vacation that she saved for. Miss me with that you ruined Christmas bs. If your kids break it, you buy it. Don't raise your kids to be spoiled if you don't want to part with money unneccessarily.

[@zachf748]

That daughter is a gigantic see you next Tuesday. And I completely agree with the one comment about Reddit completely changing how they decide to view 18 year olds to suit their opinion on the situation (I.e if they are an adult or an innocent kid, depending on the situation and how it will suit their opinion).

[@queencars802]

It's a freezing day in the US! Perfect for cuddling up on the couch with my pup and listen to some stories 😂

[@MarkNarrations]

Oooo love a chilly day when you can get the blanket out! :)

[@brigidtheirish]

1: Hold up. The therapist apparently had at least some access to the communications between Bev and Fred, but didn't see the threats or stalking? Because after Bev's latest tantrum, I *believe* Fred's claims. I wonder how much the therapist knew and didn't tell OP. I also think OP is wrong in calling her daughter a victim. Bev is a *monster.* 2: S is little and didn't know what he was doing. *J* is the one who gave him the passport and *totally* knew what she was doing. OP's sister *owes* OP. Not getting Christmas presents sounds like just consequences for the little saboteur. Gee. I wonder where J gets her attitude.

[@ashleyevans2425]

Story 1: people who think parents are just robots with no feelings and can't be upset by something their kids say yeah KIDS who don't know better but and 18 year old adult that knows better what Bev said to her mom the only parents that's been there for her was horrible

[@shells500tutubo]

I'll bet those idiots who said YTA are teenagers or adults who have never had children or those children are still very young. Teenagers especially think they should be able to shit all over everyone and then the next day think it's all fine. Eff those commenters and eff Bev.

[@nuttmare9438]

I cannot imagine how a child could do such a malicious act I never would have dreamed of doing something like this. Even so, I know I'd be punished for something like that, so would have been too afraid of the consequences. It's like entitlement has taken over the fear of the consequences. Where is the accountability here?!?

[@fufufuaru]

I want to smack the person who gave ESH. Edit: ok. I know I should feel sorry for the kid but damn. I'm glad the trash took itself out. Happy liberation to OP.

[@Steampunkkids]

Story 1: It seems to me that what the mother did wrong was not getting her daughter a more competent therapist/ psychologist. The Mom also should have considered family therapy between the mother and child a long, long, long time ago. Any competent therapist would have recommended this.

[@puli_dreadhead]

I think the daughter was lying to the therapist or at least watered down her actions regarding her father. Therapist are mandated reporters and if she admitted that she was harassing the step-family that would’ve been recorded.

[@LB-gz3ke]

In story 1, why didn't mom call the ex herself and confront him BEFORE the graduation? If ex continually scraps things with daughter she KNOWS this scenario was a possibility. Call him. Ask him why they couldn't both be there. She put too much off on therapy that clearly wasn't working.

[@meganb.higgins973]

I think OP should have showed up, but also I understood where she was coming from. Sometimes we do push our parents too far and really do hurt their feelings. There is a lesson to be learned that our parents are people too.

[@Barlmoro]

letz say the mom would be a friend. In this szenario everybody would say: sry you told her she is not invited so she made other plan. not her problem that the other person ditch you. and so i see this story too. the Daughter told mom she is not invited so she made other plans. as an new adult she need to learn that other people do not change there plans for your demand.

[@TheAlphaDingo]

The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result - Bev clearly is insane if she thinks her deadbeat dad, who time and again lets her down will eventually 'come good' and value her.

[@alexlibby5087]

Story 1: I can’t judge and I might have missed it - but OP should’ve gone to court for mandated visits w/ dad. Once he missed a few, OP could discuss how to best handle it with court and therapists. Allowing another parent to come in and out of a child’s life like that seriously damages their mental well-being. As hurt as OP is - the truth is she allowed her daughter to be made to feel like an “inconvenience” to her father; a child learning that the people who are supposed to care & love for them will abandon them the moment they become “inconvenient”. These are the kids who are likely to become adults in DV situations because its become soooo ingrained to not become inconvenient or get abandoned. Its a terrifying inner fear that’ll drive some of us to tolerate INSANE behavior. This doesn’t excuse the daughter’s behavior AT ALL; however this type of behavior often has a root.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Not to mention she didn't want to deal with any drama that her ex may have for her. Not to mention also that her ex pretty much didn't want nothing to do with his daughter and I'm going to be honest she said she and him have a great relationship when in reality they're only friendly with each other because they don't want to deal with any drama from either one she doesn't want to deal with any drama from him he doesn't want anything to do with their kid. she feel her daughter and then she moves on and goes on her first day within a decade not realizing that she just wrote her daughter off because she can't admit how much of a failure she was

[@alexlibby5087]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE thats what i felt; people saying parents shouldn’t have to tolerate this behavior when in reality they created this; by not being able to buck up and be cordial enough to raise their daughter OR get a backbone and have the uncomfortable ‘confrontations’ - hash it out. Allow her to get dumped repeatedly while not standing up to say how intolerable that treatment to her child is - even proclaiming the relationship is great when they can’t be in the same vicinity as each other for a couple hours. Get the feeling mom’s a “victim of her circumstances” type of person; surprised no one pointed out how odd it was that OPs daughter wanted any chance she got to run off w/ dad despite OP being her BFF? 🙃

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@alexlibby5087 that's exactly it and I went to her post and so many people were actually on the second update basically were having sympathy for not only the original poster but they almost having sympathy for the man who abandoned his daughter multiple times they literally were having such sympathy for the father of their daughter that they were basically saying well she needs to grow up and she brought this on herself and you need to focus on you and she'll come around and do time. These people would rather unable to behavior of the parent that failed to protect their child instead of telling the truth to this woman like what the hell did you expect what's going to happen. And the people that were trying to tell the original poster the truth about herself we're almost shouted down immediately for just telling it like it is. Think about it they blame the child who is the soul victim in this for the creation of the mess that her parents allowed to happen and they were committing. And then when the father gets to see the error of his ways he basically gets more sympathy than the child does. It really angered me that so many people didn't see that and they're almost enabling the behavior of the original poster because they can't admit that you know what we f***** up with this kid let us try to get her some help and apologize to her for the mess we created for her

[@alexlibby5087]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE i say it all the time; there’s a huge disconnect in most people’s minds when thinking about children suffering from their parent’s (in)action; they agree how AWFUL and evil it is But remind them that those children turn into adults? The majority of which get failed repeatedly by authority figures, forced to continue in the situation - w no help getting therapy, higher education, how to apply and interview for jobs with potentially 0 support system. That’s not even addressing the long-term damage experiencing repeated stressors during early childhood does to brain and body. And suddenly the mantra becomes “Get over it? Like your grown up - shake it off?” That’s not how that works

[@sammyk.6457]

It’s hard to see the truth sometimes, i was 15 when I realized for father was abusive and even when I stopped hanging out around him I felt so guilty about not talking to him and prayed he would change so that I can see him again but reality really struck me on my 18th birthday, he called me up and called me “a useless piece of fucking shit.” and I just sat next to my mom and cried.

[@ozbelltemp]

Story 1: that therapist must have been horrible

[@UchuKejiMovan]

All OP has done is be the reliable one in her child's life and she was thanked by her daughter by being betrayed by her POS kid. She's NTA everytime I hear this story. Those redditors who said YTA or ESH are SUPER DUPER AH

[@Denuhm]

> I want to feel appreciated Don’t have a child. > sets ultimatums Don’t have a child > want to control how she thinks, acts and feels Don’t have a child >wants to compete with an absent parent Don’t have a child >doesn’t care at all about child’s feelings Don’t have an fing child

[@TheNormExperience]

“She had the tickets and I can only enter with a ticket. And she was obviously not going to give them to me.” Wait…if the daughter was the one with the tickets and refused to give one to Op, even when the father cancelled, how exactly was Op supposed to even get in??? Students only get a limited, specific number of tickets to graduation because there’s only so much space, you can’t just buy one at the door…so I’m confused on how Op was even supposed to come if she had agreed to last minute. “But no, she continued saying uninviting me was probably best because she would’ve been more miserable as she would have preferred her dad to be there instead of me.” See that’s what makes you NTA. And makes your daughter have absolutely no leg to stand on being mad at you. What is this; “You’re a bad Mom for not coming, but I don’t regret telling you to not come because if you came it would just remind me you’re not the one I really wanted there!” Yes, parents should love their children unconditionally. BUT, children don’t get to do whatever they want knowing it’s hurtful to you while still demanding that unconditional love. That leads to kids growing into adults taking advantage of people because no one held them accountable when they **knowingly and intentionally** cause hurt with their actions. You can still love your child without condoning their actions. And in this case your daughter is lashing out at you because she knows she can, and she knows it will hurt you because she can’t lash out or hurt the person she’s actually angry at (her absentee father) because he just wouldn’t care. That still doesn’t make it ok. If she doesn’t stop this loop now, she’s in for an adult life of taking advantage and never appreciating what anyone needs; people who actually love and support her, and instead put all her effort into impressing people who do not care and will never give her what she wants.