Husband Ran Secret Background Checks On Me And Entire Family r/AmITheA**hole

[@LunaMane]

The last story is a prime example of one of the many consequences you face when you play favorites and treat your kid like they can do no wrong. OP was the arsehole and I don't feel bad for her.

[@ComaLies225]

Same. She should have stepped up for Emma and called her ex out on it. At least if it didn’t change his behavior, Emma would have at least felt she had someone on her side but it seems like OP also played favorites

[@LunaMane]

@@ComaLies225 And if you look at OP's responses to the votes, she doesn't do herself any favors. Not only is she apathetic to her daughter's feelings but she is, according to her testimony, seventy four. It's shocking how you can be that old and not know better.

[@Steampunkkids]

@@LunaMane thank you for that info

[@laurenmentink7401]

Did you have a happy childhood where you were treated with respect by your parents. I wasn't. Did you have siblings who treated you with respect and now as adults make you feel important to them? I don't. OP probably didn't have those things either. Now I simply have nothing to do with family. Even today I am the last to know what everyone wants. I don't get asked, I get told. I feel for OP and I am angry for her daughter. Yes OP is a coward to not protect her daughter, but who was the coward who did not protect OP when she was a child?

[@LunaMane]

@@laurenmentink7401 No one disavowed the hardships OP had. And my own past demons are no one's business but mine. That said having something done bad onto you doesn't mean you repeat it - whether unintentionally or purposefully. There are people who got the raw end of the deal in the world who don't let it turn them into twisted, bitter, apathetic and hateful pieces of shit like some do. They rise from it. And those who have a lot going on and on the surface nothing to worry about can also be the most depressed, lonely and ignorant picks of the litter at times. They see nothing good in the fortune they have. It's about how you make the most of your circumstances and whether you take the time to learn not to repeat history from your life experiences when you're shaping up another life - like raising a child. OP failed to do that despite seeing the warning signs of history repeating itself and is downplaying how her daughter feels. Now she's got to live with it. You can feel sorry for her if you wish. I simply don't, for the reason above.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 4: YTA The Enabler of the Year award goes to OP. I sincerely hope the daughter cuts contact with every member of her toxic family so OP won't get the chance to treat any of her grandkids like anyone of them is better than another. I'm sending negative energy OP's way during this holiday season!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA the owner would lose no money substituting ranch for garlic sauce and was looking to gouge them for it. His comment about " things aren't free" was disgusting because they weren't asking for anything doe free. They were asking to substitute an item they paid for with an item of similar value. The friends are idiots and hypocrites for calling OP an idiot but then partaking in said ranch.

[@gundhamstyle]

THANK YOU ! I saw this post on Reddit and read some of the comments and the quantity of people saying OP is staggering. You don't want people to go to a store to pay for something and bring it back to your restaurant ? Then don't try to scam them (because I'm all for restaurants making profit but with that margin I consider it a scam) !

[@Flufferz626]

Garlic butter sauce is way cheaper to make or purchase than ranch FYI.

[@Mewse1203]

@@Flufferz626 not enough to justify that price... the difference is de minimis

[@Flufferz626]

@@Mewse1203 agreed. I'm going with ESH. He could make the replacement 25¢ or something, not $1. I worked for 2 pizza places while in college and dealt with crazy owners. Must be an Italian thing lol, most of Kitchen Nightmares episodes are Italian-Americans.

[@wmdkitty]

The owner sucks, yes, but so does OP for bringing outside food into a restaurant.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 4: OP MASSIVE YTA. "Their father never listens to me." Okay, so you never tried to stick up for your daughter assuming he wouldn't listen to you, but you did tell the dad that he was giving Ben too much money, and he listened. OP and he ex are massive AHs. Ben and Emma are both victims in this, though Emma has taken the brunt of it

[@everdreamcosplay]

Story 4 - Mom is a Huge AH, allowing Emma to be so badly treated because it's more convenient for her. And Ben is a terrible adult, because he was spoiled and coddled and never held accountable. Last commenter nailed it.

[@SerratedSun5841]

Yeah it doesn’t matter if the father wouldn’t listen to her if she had at least made the effort that would make a difference it would show Emma that she cared

[@ohreally1997]

I would agree with this if Emma was a child. However, Emma is 42yo. Emma is a grown adult, as such, she is responsible for managing her own interpersonal relationships.

[@katie6731]

@@SerratedSun5841 I agree with everything you said except one part that OP conveniently overlooked. Her ex certainly listened to her when she told him that he'd given Ben too much. Funny, isn't it, how OP can give one excuse after another, even when she forgets all of her previous "woe is me" bullpucky and contradicts herself? 🥴

[@SerratedSun5841]

@@ohreally1997 did you conveniently ignore that it was like that for Emma’s entire childhood. Childhood trauma is real whether you except it or not. Her mother never had her side her whole life and acted like a coward and justified the father’s unfair nature of favoring the son.

[@ohreally1997]

@@SerratedSun5841 There may be a point of contention in how we've each percieved the comment we've posted under, as it could be interpreted differently, depending on the chosen context. I read the comment as "Mom is a Huge AH, allowing Emma to be so badly treated because it was more convenient for her." I read that as "allowing Emma" to have been "treated badly" [by Ben] in the current context that OP provided: Emma has a sibling relationship with Ben; Ben inexplicably stops talking to Emma; Emma and Mom discuss; Mom shares her opinion that Ben has behaved badly; Emma is upset that Mom didn't tell Ben this opinion; Emma tells Mom "you never stuck up for or protected me, and if you can't do it this one time, I don't want to have a relationship with you." Having clarified, I was merely pointing out that Adult Emma is responsible for managing her own interpersonal relationships. Adult Emma and Adult Ben are having an interpersonal conflict. In the scenario provided, Adult Emma has relinquished her autonomy, operating out of self-infantilization, by attempting to make her mom responsible for interjecting herself into the conflict to "protect her." I'm not overlooking Emma's trauma, nor do I contest the validity of the effects of childhood trauma. However, childhood trauma does not negate one's personal responsibility in adulthood. John Wayne Gacy experienced an unimaginable amount of horrific childhood trauma, yet, was still held accountable for murdering 33+ people. This is an extreme example, but necessary to be clear with my point: the concept of autonomy does not shift based on perception (whether or not something seems valid or "unfair"). Autonomy just IS. We are autonomous beings, responsible for ourselves, and that encompasses every aspect of life our lives; from managing our own feelings and reactions in the midst of conflict; to taking responsibility for protecting ourselves, meeting our own needs, healing our own wounds, etc; to whether or not we decide to dress up as a clown and murder people.

[@friendbright5375]

Story 1: It's okay to look at the social media of close family and friends and it's okay to check the criminal history of your partner, but a background check getting into the nitty gritty details of distant relatives crosses over so many lines it's unbelievable

[@friendbright5375]

@@nopeboat5383 Background checks can also refer to things like checking someone's credit history, the history of their family members, etc etc. I should've been more clear in my original comment about that though, since background check can also refer to just checking someone's criminal record, Ty for pointing that out!

[@bellesmith8925]

If it was truly “No Big Deal” then why did he not tell her? Also, he did checks on friends and family too? NTA OP…

[@gabrielmeth4844]

Because such things do affect a person's life, and people tend to get too far in their feelings to be rational. When you have something to lose, you need to protect yourself. The commenters are examples of people who are in their feelings. He was protecting himself from what could be a vindictive divorce.

[@Ospyro3em]

I always have to laugh when I see the "No big deal" excuse whilst it was done in private

[@themaggieme]

I understand doing a background check after only a few dates, that makes sense, but he should’ve let her know regardless. But background checks on her whole family and friends is going too far.

[@ComaLies225]

@@themaggieme This. Unless OP associates with scammers, con artists and felons, there’s no logical reason to go as far as getting background checks on her friends and family.

[@masumi1990x]

Maybe he's rich. I read that many wealthy people do some background check of their SO. It's not about them, it's more about protecting the family.

[@eliability]

The last one hits hard. My youngest sisters are extremely spoiled and complete nightmares. My parents never really try to fix their behavior and it causes nothing but stress as they’re becoming more and more entitled as time goes on. I feel for Emma, and I hope so much that she gets that toxicity out of her life

[@queen_of_flatulence]

It hits hard for me too. My younger half brother has always been the obvious favorite in my family, and I have begun to resent my parents because of it.

[@disneydork100]

It’s super weird to me that he KEPT these files about her family and friends? Like, background checking your partner is one thing (I kinda think doing one on your partner is okay, just in case they’re hiding any felonies or anything), background checking their family and friends is another (less okay) thing, but SAVING and KEEPING those files?? That’s just very creepy.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

Why wouldn’t you save the background check info you paid to have? That seems like an overreaction to this situation. I keep all digital files on everything. People are being way too harsh on the husband.

[@thecouchpotatocom]

I never delete anything. I've still got my first resume, a WordPress doc I don't know if I can open.

[@CrypTicCMaK]

Story 1: I would be curious to know what the financial status of the husband and wife were before marriage. Extremely wealthy people do stuff like this because it more protection and assurance before hand.

[@k8mcawesome]

That’s exactly what I was thinking. I would also be interested in whether they signed a prenup

[@CrypTicCMaK]

@@k8mcawesome that's a great point, I feel like there was alot of info left out of the story imo

[@elaexplorer]

Yeah, it sounds like the husband comes from a wealthy family...the vacation house belonged to his parents.

[@desireeloveros1055]

Yeah I was thinking NAH for this one For the wife it’s an invasion of privacy etc. The lack of trust is upsetting. I would act the same way. Especially if he never planned on letting her know. But if I had the means to do such an extensive background check before getting married. I would do it. How many stories do we hear about people living double lives? If he’s from a wealthy family who’s to say the wife’s not a con woman trying to steal his fortune? They need a sit down and go from there.

[@zashgekido5616]

@@desireeloveros1055 Thats a tad bit creepy friend

[@standinthegsp6858]

Lol, my dad was a state trooper & ran a small background check on the few guys I dated. Nothing intense, just wants, warrants, any outstanding tickets etc... he told my fiancé, now husband who told his parents. They thought it was hilarious & quickly gave up their birth dates. Lol. Dad could have gotten reprimanded 🤦🏻‍♀️. To check on you & your parents might have been okay if it had just been basic. But to do your whole family & all friends was way over the line. I’d run a background check on him, his family & HIS friends.

[@sammieh9695]

I ran a criminal and civil background check on my bf before we got serious, he had told me about his run ins with the law but I wanted to ensure I knew who I was brining around my child, nothing he hadnt been upfront about except a civil suit for medical bills. I understand running a check on a potential partner for various reasons, her friends and family is where he crossed the line into asshole territory and where she is understandably being upset.

[@badkitty4922]

Thanksgiving dinner story: OP's NTA!! My SIL is doing dinner this year, and we're cooking/bringing the candied yams and green bean casserole. My MIL is doing her awesome mashed potatoes and pineapple stuffing (the favorite recipe of an aunt - her sister- who died a few years ago). That's what normal families do here, in the U.S.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. I've got 20+ relatives just in *first cousins* on my mom's side of the family. Every get together is potluck. Not only guarantees the host doesn't stress out cooking for a small army but also that there's enough for everyone to each and something everyone *can* eat.

[@nikkid7838]

Story 1: I found out during my divorce I had an FBI file because of my husbands work with the DOD. Kinda freaked out that they vetted me without my knowledge.

[@jennifersilves4195]

I have an fbi file because of my uncle, so yeah.

[@teddennison344]

To get higher levels of government security clearance, the FBI is required to do that kind of investigation. If it was Top, some of his friends likely also had an unexpected convo with the FBI some very uncomfortable questions about him.

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 3- NTA! If someone is preparing the main dish you always bring something. My husband is our family’s official bread maker because his bread is amazing! We also offer to make a salad and mashed potatoes or even a dessert. Last year my step mom did all the dinner and I made apple pie.

[@SherriLyle80s]

Story 3: of course NTA. I finally put my foot down this year. I ordered catering. I will make a pie and rolls and heat the catered pre-made food. Thank goodness I dont have to stick my hand down a turkey's cavity this year or have my feet ache from standing 12 hours straight. A friend "invited" us and then backed out of the invite, so husband was backed into a corner. Told him he can make it if he wants. He was very easily convinced 😂

[@ComaLies225]

This year my parents don’t want to cook and that’s fine. It’s too much work. Since we’re a small family, we’re gonna look for any open restaurants and just order there

[@alyzu4755]

Story 3: Nope, not in any way the AH. If family show up and there's no food for them, oh well. When people start taking you for granted, it's time for a big reality check. Story 4. Yup. OP is definitely the AH. She's a textbook enabler and is now reaping the consequences of her actions. She did NOTHING to help her child, and doesn't deserve to be a grandmother.

[@trinijay4256]

First story needs an update. A background check on her and immediately family doesn’t sound that bad but her extended family and childhood friends too? Sounds more like stalking

[@janestewart9608]

The only possible excuse to do this is if his job requires a high security clearance, and even then you're supposed to get consent.

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Made think of meet the parents.. Rob deniro is ace in that film.

[@jrytacct]

Yeah, that's a bit much. I can definitely see running a basic check to see if there are any criminal or financial issues before tying the knot, but that level of a deep dive into someone's past is over the line.

[@mysticrose2766]

Nowhere is anything said about the financial status of her husband's family. It could be it was so extensive due to money, inheritance, etc, but he's still an AH because he didn't tell her about it. Also, i wonder about the things that she didn't even know and if they were part of what was upsetting her. It definitely needs an update.

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@mysticrose2766 I'm curious as to WHY he kept it all? Like you would thinking doing a simple background check was to get info and once it's done and nothing bad was found, you'd toss it out. Why on earth did he keep a whole folder with not just her info but her entire family and friends info???

[@danedee6563]

Story 2: So I used to work in a Mediterranean restaurant in downtown Manhattan near SoHo. The owner decided it would be a great idea to sell $1 polar spring 16oz water bottles for $3 and was surprised nobody wanted to buy it. I kept telling him the reason nobody would buy it is because across the street there was a Hallal cart that was selling the same water bottles for $1. When the customers would buy their food and ask how much the water bottles cost they would only pay for the food, put their belongings on the table, leave to go by the water from the Hallal guy, come back to eat their food and drink their water that they got across the street for $2 less. NTA, anyone saying 0P is the AH are overlooking the fact that small ranch cups should not cost one dollar each. They don’t even cost that much at Dominos. OP bought food so it’s not like he was costing the owner money by being there. Just because you guys are to weak to stand up for yourselfs doesn’t make OP the AH.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 2 NTA- Op was completely justified. Every pizza place I’ve been too i ask if they could substitute for ranch and they do. Op didn’t being in food. He brought in a condiment. Screw that manager.

[@RRW359]

I don't really get why people are TA for bringing outside food to a restaurant like Mark and many Redditors said. If the owner wants to kick you out for any reason you shouldn't resist but if not then I don't see why competition is ever bad in a market.

[@stephaniewilson3955]

That last story: if I was Emma I would make sure that 'Grandma' never saw my children again. Let the woman go and drool over her son, like she has all his life.

[@carolbelvin5278]

Story 3- NTA. My father’s side of the family used to ruin our Thanksgiving and Christmas every year by coming to our house. They were 25 plus as they would bring friends, etc. without asking. My mom had to cook for them. They didn’t even help wash dishes or do clean-up. As soon as my father passed away, we told his side of the family we wouldn’t be hosting any longer. They still wanted us to host and they showed up on Christmas Day for a meal, but we didn’t let them in our house. They started calling and I told them how miserable they had made our Christmas every year with their entitled behavior by being such moochers. My father’s side of the family has always been a bunch of moochers and it felt good to get them out of our lives.

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 4- YTA! You create a monster and a toxic family dynamic. You might not like confrontation but as a mom it is your job to stick up for your kids and discipline them and not enable shitty behaviour!

[@jerriewyatt905]

I hope there’s an update on story one.. Story 3 I know what it’s like to have to fix for a crowd that doesn’t offer to bring anything or to help clean up.. definitely not the AH! I’d make it clear if I hosted it , everyone’s expected to bring an assigned dish of their choice..I would make the meat, and dressing and they bring the rest..

[@classicalflutist]

My family is pretty big and has a million dietary restrictions. The host does the turkey and roasted veggies, everybody else brings a side or dessert. Everybody knows they have at least one thing they can eat and the host isn't overwhelmed with cooking, so it's a win-win situation.

[@HuskyMama1009]

Especially since she has a medical condition!!?? And he is still pushing? Time for premarital counseling at minimum

[@elaexplorer]

Story 2 NTA it's a condiment. It's not food. A lot of people carry hot sauce in their bags. It's the same thing. They weren't putting the restaurant out in any way. They weren't going to pay for the restaurant's ranch so it's no different than if they are the pizza without any sauce.

[@darkboarder]

plus they would probably give u a tiny cup for 10 bucks

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Ranch is a condiment

[@Delightfulshallot]

I bring my own tea bags, or I keep tea bags in my purse for this same reason

[@marymasavage8986]

$1 for a tiny cup of ranch is ridiculous. The restaurant needs a new vendor too. Any place that I went to they were at most 75¢ and that varied with size.

[@mstb2023]

Papa John's charges 80 cent for their sauce cups and they're a large corporation so I can see where a small restaurant would charge more since they don't have the same scale as Papa John's.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

3) That's so weird, I grew up knowing each family brought a dish. For that not to be the thing just sounds so weird for me to hear. You know when someone doesn't bring a dish? To a wedding or a birthday party, big family events that are for everyone, everyone brings the dish

[@FlamesofJagger]

Hey Mark! Normally I would do my thing and move on, but story 1 is just wow. OP is NTA because husband didn't let her know about the background checks, kept them all this time, and his family normalizes this behavior to this invasive level according to cousin's comments. Husband is way over the line in this story.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Not gonna lie, if I found out a friend, spouse or anyone did that to me, I'd at least give them a solid throat punch... before getting my ass absolutely handed to me after

[@MrZombieexpert29]

@@iamalbertwesker2 So, you're telling me that if a prospective employer does a background check on you, you're gonna throat punch them? Am I getting that right?

[@iamalbertwesker2]

@@MrZombieexpert29 no that's not stalker level shit they look into, this guy is so far beyond the pale, I would hope OP divorces this guy.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

@@MrZombieexpert29 also I like how our usernames are mildly related lol

[@MrZombieexpert29]

@@iamalbertwesker2 Resident Evil was THE game that got me into zombies.

[@ohno8398]

The last story makes me feel so, so sorry for poor Emma. If my cousin (who I view like a sibling) was being hurt, even if I felt I could do nothing I would try everything

[@elaexplorer]

Story 1: NTA OP has every right to be angry about it but her husband also had every right to run a background check on people he was planning to let into his family's life. It sounds like he's from a wealthy family and while we all like to think everyone is who they say they are, they are scam artists who date rich people for the sole purpose of relieving them of their money. Once he got the report and found out everyone was who they said they were, he should have deleted it.

[@gypsygem9395]

I agree to a certain extent. In fact, there's a thing for women to find out if a man has been an abusive partner in the past, which I heartily agree with due to having been through an abusive relationship. However, I feel that to also do checks on extended family and FRIENDS is going too far

[@wmdkitty]

@High Lord Baron Only those with something to hide would freak out about a background check. What is OP hiding?

[@gypsygem9395]

@@wmdkitty I think it was the extent to which the check was done. She couldn't have been hiding anything since her fiancé did marry her - three years ago! Everyone likes their privacy. He should have been up front about it after he'd done it, or at the very least deleted the files.

[@aikikaname6508]

A. If that was the case, he should have given her the heads up so she ca B. Divorces, illegitimate kids, financial history and stuff like that I can see. But full background checks on every single person she knows to such a great degree is way too extra. C. He should not be keeping all her info and the info of others on his personal laptop to peruse at his leisure. Him personally knowing every single thing about OPs life, her family’s and friends life is creepy af

[@rubymeaddle]

On her, maybe, but not her entire family

[@taylordidomenico182]

Story 1: OP is definitely NTA but i do think background checks can be justified if a family is wealthy because there’s a lot of gold diggers and scammers out there but he should have told her about the background check

[@lunahix4815]

Hi Waffle King. 1st story: The husband and his cousin/family can go pound shards of glads.

[@bartvansliedregt5482]

These videos and this community are always amazing. Much love all

[@MarkNarrations]

Aww Bart and thank you for being a part of it!

[@brianbarber5401]

Story 1: no matter what else, OP should let the entire family know that she’ll be running a similar check on their behalf hole family and friends, and sharing the results with her family, and anyone else she sees fit to.

[@LT-hg7fc]

One year I cooked a huge dinner for my hubby's extended family. They get there and snacked on chips that they brought and didn't eat that much of dinner. I get everything put away and then the "younger" group went to a hotel while the grandparents stayed with the kids. We get settled at the hotel and go swimming. While we are swimming, my husband's cousin's wife said she was hungry and wanted to go eat at a restaurant and they did. I never cooked for his family again!!!

[@owl7072]

Story 4: "I felt bad but there was nothing I could do" Yes the hell there was??? As her parent you have every right to call out your child being mistreated??? Even if it's the other child doing the mistreating??????

[@cynicalminion]

stories about family get-togethers always make me feel lucky about both sides of my family, as we have the exact opposite problem. people arguing over who gets to cook, (the same people usually win hosting because they're centrally located, but this also means they are automatically disqualified from anything other than providing (not cleaning, other people fight over who gets to do that) dinnerware and utensils). usually this results in everyone bringing at least one thing, and an assembly line in the kitchen for doing cleanup after...

[@gigga143]

Story 4: the Mom is the AH, the brother is the AH and the dad is the AH. tbh i really don’t understand why Emma hasn’t gone NC with the whole lot of them.

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Story 1: In this day age with access, it makes sense to. People do it with people working in their house. It’s not extensive since family and friends will pop up due to close contact. What stuff did she find out that made her so mad? I have to wonder if they are well off so do this as standard protocol

[@natashajohnson-pt6lf]

Story 1 I believe the reason he did such an extensive background check is to see who have money in your family and friends, divorce now and get out because he is looking at your assets and now he knows everything. Dot your ts and your eyes. His family is looking for you to take care of them. Controlling in the worst way

[@linnyroro3177]

I am just glad to find out someone else eats ranch dressing on their pizza!!! I got started doing it when I was in high school because it was the only way to stomach the taste of pizza that they cooked inside of a bag, it was OK but pretty much all school lunches suck so i always put ranch on most things

[@lianabaddley8217]

Ranch with Pizza is My whole family's go to! Huge family I think there's 46(?) Total now in immediate family. 2 parents 7 kids, 7 spouses, at least 3 kids per. Now we start adding the great grandkids 4 plus a set of twins on the way!! Ranch for us All!! Yum!

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

OP's fiance, and his family are crazy. And my family we each take turns hosting Thanksgiving each year.. The way we set it up is the person hosting it makes the big turkey, and everyone else brings side dishes and/or dessert. If they're treating you like a slave now when you're just engaged can you imagine how to treat you want you married!

[@phoenixsky6124]

We all do background checks; check socials, question friends and family etc that said he went way too far. He acts like a super rich dude weeding out gold diggers or someone planning to run for office and needing to know backgrounds and what rumours they’ll have to battle. But he went deep enough to find things out that family doesn’t even know. Way too far. His family has no respect for boundaries.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the last story it's completely obvious that the original poster did play favorites she just didn't show it. She let her daughter be mentally emotionally and psychologically abused by her father and neglected as well. In addition she neglected her daughter by not hearing her feelings out and dismissing them and then allowed her oldest son to abuse his sister mentally and emotionally to the point where when they got back and reconnection mode it affected her even more. Not to mention to the fact that she had to be rebellious just to let her pain and frustration. The original posters in the wrong here big time and she may need to spend her sometime in therapy with her daughter she truly wants to have a good relationship with her daughter later on down the road because let's be real here her daughter is definitely going through the thought of just going no contact and taking the grandkids away from her

[@Lillypop93]

Oooh buddy that last one has my pulse racing I wish I could be there to tell that woman face to face what a failure she is as a mother she literally let her daughter get ab∆sed and said nothing I understand the "not liking confrontation" but had she put her foot down as soon as she saw what was going on Emma might have had a chance at a happy childhood. she was weak and passive to the point of ab∆sing her own daughter she might not have done it herself but her not doing anything has the same effect.

[@missymeakin6945]

That woman has no backbone.

[@roserussellperry1719]

Story one. This would be a deal breaker for me!!!! He never intended to tell her about it was obvious three years later. Trust is broken!

[@bgcorporation]

Story 1: Lol the husband and family could possibly face legal troubles if the family and friends find out. If the family and friends are not renters (and the husband is the rentee), or if the family and friends are not seeking employment under the husband he shouldn't be going and looking up background checks for personal purposes. I'd seek council if I was a family member and see if there was any legal recourse they can take.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Oh he's just the fiance? He got to go. 20 plus people, they refuse to bring side dishes, he just does one thing. It's a pandemic. This is ridiculous

[@joaolima7131]

The pandemic is ending so I think it's kinda irrelevant, but yeah, he and his family are selfish and ungrateful.

[@classicalflutist]

​@@joaolima7131 The US is logging over 100,000 new cases a day, so unfortunately the pandemic isn't ending, as much as we all wish it was. It's definitely still a relevant concern.

[@joaolima7131]

@@classicalflutist oh sorry, I'm not from US so that kinda sliped my mind

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 4: well as the daughter has decided to go nc; op can simply pretend its not happening, since she can’t do anything about it. And she’s going to be stunned when her daughter decides that she doesn’t want her in contract with her children as she will sacrifice everything for her ‘easier’ child Ben. And yesh; i feel like my ex relationship is superficial. Complete projection; your relationship with your daughter is superficial. You favored Ben because you knew her dad didn’t want your daughter; so she had no choice. And now the dad has changed his relationship and your jealous as your daughter isn’t dependent on you are her only parent. But she also doesn’t need op in her life. And finally realized op isn’t much better and walked

[@ericaallisonc]

STORY 1: When you have a high classified job. Everyone you are associated with gets checked over with a fine tooth comb. We need job details to determine fairly.

[@shells500tutubo]

Story 1- I would have sent the entire file to myself and then deleted it and emptied it from the wastebasket on his computer. Of course I would have left the file I made with my name so he wouldn't know right away what I did Then I would go right to the most aggressive barracuda divorce lawyer I could find. I wouldn't be surprised if her husband is a divorce lawyer.

[@BillSmith-ut5li]

Thanksgiving and Christmas and nobody comes by the day before to help prep with you? No one even offers? I'd tell them forget it. And I would make sure that they kind of knew why. Something settled that would catch the ear of the blabbermouth of the circle. You know say something like I'm exhausted and I just couldn't do it by myself I was hoping for help but none ever showed up. I know you were busy but even offering would have been nice. Some sign of appreciation.

[@invisible123-l9d]

Story 1. I hope she can find a good solicitor, and divorce this lowlife as soon as possible. He is a total c****, and she deserves a decent man, who understands what trust is, not a scheming lifeform like him.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

Last OP: Every single person in Emma's life failed her. Mom dad and brother. NC for them.

[@minecraftmum3436]

With the second story I've done the same. I've worked in these places and swapping the garlic sauce with ranch costs nothing, it was just a money making ruse tbh. Mind you, I've made sure to ask them to swap it when placing the order and in my experience most restaurants ask what sauce you want before bringing any out. Also, what if op is allergic to the garlic sauce? That was the reason I brought my own dressing into a restaurant and the owner was totally cool with it

[@madgevanness4011]

Tday story- tell your husband you’ll compromise: I’ll cook the turkey and anything else someone else does. I used to do a full dinner with all the family faves, but now I only make the things I know will be eaten. This year it’s turkey breast only, boxed stuffing with fresh celery and onion, the asparagus casserole DH and I fight over, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, and bacon maple Brussels sprouts. Lingonberry jam, since I have some open. A little more elaborate than a normal dinner, but a whole lot easier on me.

[@everdreamcosplay]

Story 1 - I watch Scott Reisch and Crime Talk (Lawyer) and he says not doing a background check on someone you're dating, especially if you met online, is dating malpractice. I am a little weirded out about the childhood friends and extended family though. So I'm kind of on the fence. NTA for background check on the wife, YTA for background check on anyone else. In the world we live in, you should definitely do a little due diligence at first. It's too easy to pretend to be someone you're not.

[@Ifrit86]

As someone who's never seen a background check, I imagine the investigator just gives you a big pile of info and lets you sort out what to keep. So the husband might not have asked for the other people's info and just didn't bother to delete it? And in terms of keeping files, 3yrs feel like an "oops, forgot about that". Still creepy af though

[@everdreamcosplay]

@@Ifrit86 Background checks are done by name, so an investigator wouldn't just give you info on people you didn't ask for. Most basic background checks consist of publicly available information harvested by an algorithm, like marriages/divorces, children, real estate transactions, and convictions. Anything more in-depth would be going to extremes, hiring a PI for example would be way more than is necessary, in my opinion, unless there was something suspicious going on.

[@Ifrit86]

@@everdreamcosplay To be fair, if it was a regular family tradition to investigate relationship partners, I wouldn't be surprised they'd go that far. Good to know!

[@Galworld761]

I have no problem with background checks but it should be disclosed. Undisclosed is creepy.

[@groofromtheup5719]

Plenty of red flags that are related to those around a person. For example, it would be very relevant if say, a cousin was a pedophile, or she surrounds herself with serial cheaters. I see no problems with this.

[@kaimikalaniYT]

Hi mark! I’m actually eating waffles for breakfast when I saw your new video; Best morning ever 🧇🧇🧇

[@MarkNarrations]

That's what I like to hear!! :)

[@DevilFruitZero]

After the Cousin said that I would say "do you all feel this way? I need to know how many background checks to run. We're at 2 so far."

[@TearsLikeRain87]

I dated a guy who had a friend run a check on me before our first date. He told me on the date. I laughed 😅 🤣 😂 but was glad he said something

[@DameNickum]

Thanksgiving: I cook all holiday meals every year, by myself. It’s a marathon. this year I stood in the living room giving myself a High Five and went to bed. It’s outrageous that no one brings anything, not even a bottle of wine! I was taught that we never show up empty handed, and I don’t. Home made rolls or a pie or cookies, something! And my SO brings wine, always. NTA

[@oldwelshlady6584]

Thank you for yr cheeriness, its so infectious.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Story 1: Women are normally told to do background checks on men when they initially start dating to make sure they are not a criminal or something to that effect. But, a background check to that extent is uncommon and creepy.

[@lienemeid]

Just thoroughly enjoyed your members video, haven't stopped laughing! Excited for this one now, my planned nap seems to be off the table 😅 this is better though ❤

[@MarkNarrations]

Haha glad you enjoyed it Lien, that story was funny as hell :)

[@Mewse1203]

May the butter of health melt evenly over your life. Be safe, take care of yourself and have a great day.

[@gypsygem9395]

You too Dominic. I hope things are settling down for you? Much love 💟

[@Mewse1203]

@@gypsygem9395 thanks! Mom is (slowly) getting better but is still in the hospital with pneumonia from covid. Her psych meds got screwed up so she had been having some issues there and thinks she's in a psych ward.and we won't let her come home. She is more lucid than she has been so that's good. So far things are better!

[@gypsygem9395]

@@Mewse1203 hope things continue to improve for your mum. Take care

[@greenbanana6211]

I work in a gourmet burger place and unless the sauce is more expensive we would just substitute cause as servers, we don’t want to deal with customers anymore then we already have to :/. If suppose someone wanted to substitute aioli with tomato sauce, yep that’s fine but if they wanted blue cheese sauce which is more expensive we would charge them. Makes life easier for everyone.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@paden1865able]

Love you, too!!

[@Swnsasy]

I would pretend to look up his family after saying, Ok, you can do that to me, you're right!! I'm going to do that too! Thanks for helping me understand that's it's not that big of a deal...

[@devchekhov7512]

Story 4: Tell me you're a coward without telling me you're a coward

[@darinbracey9363]

Regarding the first story, OP doesn't mention what her husband does for a living. Some professions require back ground checks on the spouse and family, ie Military, Lawyers, Judges and some Civil servant positions. He should have informed his wife though because even she found out things about family she didn't know

[@k.a.4522]

Social media peeping is one thing, deep background checking is INTENSE violations of privacy.

[@jackwatt8988]

4: "I felt bad but I couldn't do anything about it so felt it better to pretend it wasn't happening" - this person is evil.

[@frankhooper7871]

As an only child with only two cousins and one set of grandparents when growing up, I can't imagine meals for ~20 people LOL - what our family did was: Christmas dinner for all 9 of us at our house, boxing day at my uncle & aunt's and New Year's Eve at my grandparents' [mainly because that was my grandfather's birthday] (Thanksgiving was not shared).

[@tinyspiderqueen2355]

I used to work food service in Morgantown and unfortunately many people there seem to lack the comprehension that some ingredients cost a lot less than others. The ranch probably wasn’t free because it cost more than garlic sauce

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: so there are comments that said OP overreacted to the situation? Ok, how is she supposed to react. Pretty sure most people would react similarly considering this was a breach of trust. If you can’t trust your partner enough to take their word then why even bother with a relationship? This is HUGE levels of stalking behavior

[@757Bricksquad]

Getting background check is “serious stalker behavior” wtf how? How on earth does that have to do with stalking, AT ALL?

[@rhuonaChanel]

Depends, is it a super wealthy family or a political family? Was there a reason for this? It's really overboard to do a background checks since normal people don't do that

[@brianbarber5401]

@@757Bricksquadhow do you suppose husbands family would/will react to being told that a simile background check is now being done on all of them and their friends, and the results will be available to all of OPs family, and whoever else she feels like flavoring it with, and she won’t be telling them exactly what she finds, or who gets told about it.

[@Naushad2906]

Because divorce is against men. And if I was wealthy I'd do exactly the same. Only difference is I'd tell them outright. Best be sure who you let into your bed before you get the government involved

[@rhuonaChanel]

@@Naushad2906 I think that's the point, he didn't tell her. And I agree, if he's from a wealthy family, the background check is understandable

[@vampire9545]

Story 1 - NAH or ESH. Everyone Google's dates, paying someone to do it for you is not much different. Story 2 - NTA and yeah I would bought it too and I think ranch and pizza is disgusting

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

2) Nta and I would leave a review. I used to work in fast food and if someone didn't like the sauce that came with it we would gladly substitute it out so long as you know they didn't open it. technically when you hand something over to the person you're not allowed to take it back, but in cases like this they saw that you didn't tamper with it and there's no reason they couldn't take it.

[@wendyduwe3995]

Story 4: My mother plays favorites and it just breaks a person. You keep wondering why you aren't good enough and eventually realise that it's on them and not you. The mother has damaged her daughter and probably her grandchildren as well.

[@AutumnLeafdust]

Whooo *what the hell is this title* Sounds like it's gonna be spicy already! Hopefully everyone's doing well so far, perhaps not overheating due to a short bout of rain when it was hot out Yes I'm staying hydrated, no worries! Yall better stay hydrated as well

[@AutumnLeafdust]

Just doing a reply for convenience, but S1 was an immediate NTA in my eyes, only solidified after listening. How I said in the Discord, "what the ever lasting, sweet and sour `FUCK`" Because that's all I feel for this. wtaf.

[@AliceDeBois]

Via the Ranch, that is the restaurants way of making ppl pay more. It easily could have been subbed monitary wise. OP wasn't in the right but if they weren't kicked out, the manager knew they still would sell more ranch, it is likely the most popular sauce.

[@leaflet1686]

My parents also ignored my autism and depression and all the bad things I had going in life. They hoped it went away... I went 3 years to job school but with no degree and had to do another 3 years for a different job. I can't talk about it properly because I am scared of not getting jobs if I do. I never got therapy or anything for it. I had to therapy myself and am now more or less dead inside. My record for a stable job is 7 month. Don't neglect your children, Emma is lucky she made it!

[@delmaplain6823]

NTA! I would have shut down the freeloaders long before! In my family everybody brings some dessert or treat, and helps lady of house fix the meal!Editing this to say that not only was hosting and clean up left to OP, but also getting the house spic and span and decorated by the holidays!

[@jackwatt8988]

2: Bringing ranch into a restaurant is grounds for being kicked out. I wouldn't have given them a dirty look, I would have told them it's time to leave and would have offered to box up their remaining pizza in a to-go box.The price for the ranch does seem high, but it's a resturant, customers don't get to bring food or condiments in, they have to either get them from the restaurant or go without.

[@narutofangirl1213]

Had a manager said that to me in response to asking for a substitute, I wouldn't want the pizzas anymore, make my intentions known and leave. I'm sure they barely touched the food. There are much more tactful ways to inform customers that you cannot do substitutions and must charge for new sauces.

[@AJ-qe5xj]

I cannot imagine going to a thanksgiving dinner at a relatives or friends w/o bringing some kind of offering (I.e. sides/drinks) Or when we used to all get together at my grandparents when they were alive several members gathered at grandparents house and cooked the dinner together. (Plus people also brought completed sides)

[@healing_and_humor4530]

I've brought my own sauces to restaurants lots of times - and the staff is usually on board. I love hot sauce and kept some in my car because I worked in the field a lot and wanted to have it. When restaurants tell me they don't have it, I just say I have some in my car. In the case of ranch, I sometimes save those containers that come with nuggets or whatever...and I definitely would have gone out to my car to get it. I'm nice. I tip well. Never, ever had a problem with it...and I'm 55 now! BYOS LOL

[@jennywhite2462]

Story 3 I come from a large family when we all get together everyone brings something everyone helps cook. You cannot put that amount of cooking on one person. Not to mention the prep work and clean up.

[@AstridCrash]

My mom was adamant about making all the christmas food herself and just let us assist her with troublesome tasks lite peeling or grating veggies or things like that. After she passed we divided it up so everyone makes something so nobody is stuck with everything...

[@disenchantedtear8219]

Story 2: we pay 60 cents for a cup of ranch where I am… nothing is free dude! Not even ranch! Garlic butter sauce goes with pizza more than ranch. Plus it’s a lot cheaper to make! Grow up and don’t bring outside food into a restaurant! No excuses for that unless it’s baby food!

[@UzumakiDonnoHinata]

Oh hi, Waffle King! I'm catching up on last second late work cause today is the last day of the quarter and I am NOT retaking this class.

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey Gwen, get it done my friend :)

[@michaeldowson6988]

Thanksgiving family sounds like a plague of locusts.

[@meezerluvr]

Story 1 -- One important detail that OP left out and provided later in the comments is that her husband and his family is wealthy. So, background checks probably ARE normal for them. She's NTA for her reaction, but a soft YTA for omitting important details. I can't believe it was by accident. Her husband is TA for doing the check on the sly.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Actually she isn’t a hole at all

[@ineedhoez]

It doesn't matter. You are on date number 2 and you let the person know that you would like to do a background check on them. The person can say hell no or okay.

[@raveniaelhoran2647]

LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FÁK??? Story 1: I hope I'll find it on reddit and there will be some update because this is like from some crazy movie about stalker.

[@elaexplorer]

Story 4. Wow OP is just useless. She can't do anything about anything and so pretends it doesn't happen. Just wow.

[@ceciliagamboa2034]

Does anyone else absolutely love Mark's laugh? I can't help but laugh when I hear his laugh 🤣

[@hothotheat3000]

I’d absolutely run a background check on a potential lover. You get a check run on you to sit at a desk all day for an employer. I can’t do a check on a person who I’m supposed to share my body, home, and bank account with? FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?! If more people did their due diligence, they wouldn’t get surprised years down the line. I get why she’s upset, because he didn’t need to search her whole social circle. That was too far, but I’d want to know if someone had a secret family, credit card debt, arrest records, anything that would give me cause to leave before I was in too deep.

[@MrZombieexpert29]

I think you MUST do background checks on extended family and friends, simply because these people are also going to be a part of your and your future children's lives as well. Anyone associated with your future spouse has to be vetted for safety reasons. You don't want to find out years down the line that someone with a history of abuse on children has been in your children's lives, and potentially harmed them because your didn't do your due diligence.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Thanks Mark. for the great stories.. Stay safe please.. PEACE

[@NCAnon]

I think Story 4 is the first time I've felt like screaming or berating an OP. I'm so inraged by this excuse of a parent that I don't even know where to start. The way that she basically says that she'll still have access to Emma's children regardless of how Emma feels but needs to not upset Ben so she can see Ben's child is all the proof I need to know that not only is Ben STILL her favorite, but his child is also the favorite grandchild. Keeping such a "grandma" around their grandchildren will lead to Emma's kids asking "why doesn't grandma love us the same way she loves cousin?" And that thought alone hurts to think about. I don't think YTA is even the proper verdict for someone with such obvious favoritism. Emma better cute ties with all three of them for the wellbeing of her kids.

[@SheenaReine]

There wasn’t even a reason she couldn’t protect Emma. Just “I couldn’t do anything” which is just a lie. She didn’t want to do anything.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Doing a background check to find out if your potential partner is a serial killer or con artist is prudent. A background check to investigate everyone in your partner's life is black SUV level paranoid bullshit. What, are you going to steal Grandma's Blondie recipe? I wouldn't want any part of him either after finding that! Not the asshole!

[@manub.3847]

Maybe half of his family work as spies, special soldiers or in some other relevant position for the government. That would be the only thing that would explain such an in-depth background check.

[@WanderwithIntent]

Yeah I am fine with the idea of running a background check on the person you are dating and thinking about becoming serious. I know a few guys a girls in my life who either were or are dating people with abuse charges. The sad thing is they had no idea until years into the relationship when the skeletons come out of the closet. I feel you should know this information upfront before you get serious. But, doing background checks on all their family and friend's is a bit extensive. I'd give the person a pass to do a background check to maybe family that will be living long term in the household with you. I have family members who have been arrested for theft several times (store theft) and they regularly steal from people they live with. But extending it beyond that is way too far.

[@Russman67]

@@manub.3847 Yeah but if their special spies what kind of security do they have to leave something that sensitive out in public? These spies lack commitment!

[@carolroberts4614]

The Not Very Secret Service!

[@void405]

There are many MIL and FIL from hell. What if the future MIL was a drug addict and the FIL had a gambling addiction with a past arrest for burglary? There are some skeletons in the closet that it might be good to know about before marrying a person and getting involved with the family.

[@badkitty4922]

Story 4: OP's SUCH a HUGE A HOLE!! My GAWD!! Emma should go Full-blown NC with these horrible people!!😮😮😮😳😳😳😠😠😠😤😤