Mom's Husband Got Rid Of My Cat And I've Only Just Found Out r/AmITheA**hole

[@florinaschilean6143]

"my cat matter for me, your husband matter for you, my cat is gone, when your husband will be gone too, we can move on"

[@mukuroikusaba7998]

I’d also text her a link to a divorce attorney website with a “Hint hint” message.

[@t.matthies3049]

Exactly. The reality is that the husband abused her children. Maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. She likely has experienced emotional abuse as well, which I do empathize with, but just because she's willing to put up with that, doesn't mean that her children should. Even if OP forgives both of them, that doesn't mean they have to have a relationship with his mother as long as she's married to a man who abused him and his siblings as children. It's not her fault her husband is abusive, but it was her responsibility to protect her children, and she failed. She needs to apologize for that. And until that happens, OP is totally justified in cutting both his mother and her husband out of his life.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: "mom" has shown time and again her husband is more important than her kids or their well being. These are the consequences of her actions. OP finally realized mom doesn't care so he isn't going to care about her. NTA The way she allowed those kids to be treated is despicable.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

99999999999%

[@charondusk5608]

Ben: I got rid of your cat back then because of the hairs but in reality it was because you didn't bend to my manipulative rules. Reddit: *John Wick Mode, Activated*

[@brothersgt.grauwolff6716]

if that happened to a friend of mine he would've done more than scream & yell at Ben cause he doesn't take BS at all

[@thedestroyasystem]

love the pfp

[@kingslime]

I was going to say, "Ben's lucky OP didn't put his ass in the hospital."

[@TsukiKageTora]

I would have said “well you’re thinning on the top of your head, should mom get rid of you too?”

[@susankaempfer8427]

Ben would be turning up dead if that were me.

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

Story 1. I like how everyone in the story was telling Op that him not showing up to his mother's birthday was hurting her. That vindictive little snot of a mother knew that her husband got rid of her son's cat and watched him search for that cat for months. Did she not think for a second that this was hurting her son deeply? Now she knows exactly how her son felt.

[@mbyerly9680]

Nothing says I want a loving relationship with my stepkids like throwing away their pets. All these broken OPs desperately wanting the approval of parents who are incapable of giving it just saddens me. Walk away, OP, walk away. You are losing nothing when you do.

[@sagesaria]

Story 2: The thing people really need to remember is: some people wear makeup for FUN. It's not always to look 'more beautiful,' sometimes it's just fun to do some effects on your face and sometimes it just feels good. The point is that she's allowed to make her own choices whether she likes makeup or not. As long as you don't enforce this idea that she's not beautiful without makeup, it's no big deal!

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the first story is completely obvious that the original poster's mother got remarried to the first guy to say something nice to her. Even though she knew her kids didn't like him and he didn't like her kids. In addition he was somewhat mentally emotionally and verbally abusive to them. In addition to giving up the family cat and almost getting into fist fights with the kids as well pause being mediator. My advice to the original poster is simple you and your siblings need to go no contact with your mom and your step dad until your mom realizes what's more important. In addition you and your siblings need family therapy especially as you get older and prepared to become an adult

[@pippo17173]

I hate that might be the case because we as people need to be love. We don't want to be lonely and some just end up drinking the poision because they said nice things like *You mattered.* Its that state of being sad and lonley that gets people end up with very fucking awful snakes.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@pippo17173 been there, that emotional state makes you so easy to be manipulated. Had some bad things happen to me from it, I wish I would've followed my gut and instead I listened to the "I knew you didn't care, you're just like everyone else" bullshit and let the abuse they threw continue, I hate myself for that still

[@pippo17173]

@@GabrielleHayes1921 Hey been there as well. Not as bad as abuse but mostly on believing that the group I was with was *always in the right and I should listen.* That is hard to get rid off once that was planted.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@pippo17173 it's definitely hard to walk away from because you question if you're still overthinking things when you aren't. I'm so glad I'm away from that and plan to use my experiences to help my children stay away from it and learn from my bad choices. I learned the hard way, but I learned and hopefully they won't have to go through the same

[@sierraguru6942]

This sounds like someone who remarried to have a sex life again. And then would do anything to keep it.

[@Mousekins]

Story one: -- if the mother knew about it and knew how wrong it was for Ben to have done that... Why didn't she get the cat back? You know it was wrong- you apparently lectured Ben over it- but apparently it wasn't wrong enough for you to fix the "mistake" he apparently made. OP definitely needs to go NC and keep in contact with the one sibling who actually apologised :v what a shitty parent.

[@SorenPenrose]

Ben needs to come to NC...i'd like a word with him. I've got a lot of land, and a lot of feral cats on that land. Most of the feral cats trust me because I feed them and spend time with them. And they're always hungry. And I'm feeling a little poetic... I rambled a bit there, sorry. Was just picturing the _conversation_ I'd like to have with Ben.

[@epicXtrollface]

@@SorenPenrose Yup, I'll join the brigade. No way in hell would I ever agree with people randomly getting rid of cats. Disgusting...

[@wmdkitty]

@@SorenPenrose There are a lot of us out here who would like to have _words_ with Ben.

[@sierraguru6942]

And 10 years from now when mom needs a kidney, tell her there's a bit h at the shelter that's her best shot at a match. If that doesn't work out for her she should move on like Ben did.

[@paden1865able]

He may have done it years ago but he never got any consequences, neither did the mother. They can pay the consequences now that it's found out. There is no statute of limitations for betrayal like that. No contact seems to be in order.

[@fuilli]

story 4: "hey, my child *exists* " the ex: RRRRRREEEEEEEEE, YOU'RE BRAGGING!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! sHuT uPPPPPP! that is what I'm hearing in this story NTA

[@notanarsonist7574]

OP's mom is terrible for letting someone entitled, selfish, emotionally abusive, mentally manipulative and controlling be in your life? If the mom was or still is being abused in someway she should have asked someone to help her through this if possible but no level of abuse can excuse her from allowing a stranger to treat her children like that or even defend him for his actions. TL;DR Mother and AH husband are AHs.

[@shebakoby]

some women think they can "fix" men, I've heard of a couple that refused to leave abusive assholes because they thought it was their DUTY to "save" them.

[@runawayfromtoads674]

When I lost my cat when he ran out of the cage during a storm, I was devastated. I spent hours walking around calling for him with a flashlight in the middle of the night. I ended up bawling and resigned to accepting he was dead and at least find the body. The fucker came back but he was already weak. I at least got to hold him for a few more days before he passed. But I can remember how painful it was to be left in the dark about where or how he is. OP in the cat story deserves every right to be angry at his mother and stepfather. Screw the fact it was years ago-- it was the fact that they knew and OP clearly loved that cat and they just kept him in the dark that's disgusting. Honestly more pissed off at the mother than the stepfather. Like the guy did it but the mom knew and while she gave him hell, she's here feeling like she's entitled to her son's presence cuz she's hurt. They can suck it.

[@jesswagner7391]

Story 4: NTA Those parents deserve to be happy and excited for their new baby. Two years ago, I had a miscarriage 2 months before my BIL's wife gave birth. While I was still upset and hurting, I still felt very happy for them and told them congratulations. The ex has the right to grieve, but along the same lines, the new parents have the right to be excited and make an announcement.

[@grinningweirdo4888]

Story 3: so let’s see here: 1) make comments that sent you into having bulimia. 2) called you fat at a funeral 3) started calling your daughter fat as she’s hitting puberty. 4) told your 8 year old she didn’t need to loose much weight 5) after being made aware how she affected you and you don’t want that for your daughters she posted on your uncles posts about covid weight how she can’t ‘joke about it’ Damn is Nocontact town really that great you’d over pay for a one way ticket that doesn’t offer change?

[@virginiaherman2414]

With the makeup story, I think she's trying to protect her child from the harm she experienced in her own childhood. I'm glad she's going to play makeup and talk it through with her kid, because she was definitely starting to overcompensate for her own crappy childhood.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Story 1: NTA. My dad did this once in a way. We had cats, and they didn't even have any problems. My mom had just passed and he said "they marked the house!" But they didn't. Nothing smelled even remotely like that. So he did it for no reason, when they were the only thing that could have reminded me of my mom. I'm still angry about it, and they were elderly too! And let me just say, my dad acts like this with my step-mom. She literally acts like he's her sugar daddy, and makes him pay for nearly everything for her. But it's MY fault for wanting stuff that I need, like pants that don't rip at the seams

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Also if you're curious, yes, I know what marking smells like. One of my half sisters got a cat, never got him neutered because she just picked up a fully grown feral cat, and things still smell gross nearly 10 years later. So it wasn't that at all for my two poor cats.

[@wargamesmaster]

I would have sent Ben to the hospital if I was OP in story 1, I love my pets and if anyone do anything to any of them, I would go full "John Wick" on their asses.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

19999999%

[@ceciasa3376]

Same here. I hate people like this and would swear a dictionary at them if given the chance. Not to mention punch their lights out. Op's mom deserved better.

[@brothersgt.grauwolff6716]

I know a friend that would've done the same and have no regrets doing it cause he doesn't take BS

[@davidmahoney9877]

This. OP in story one wouldn't be the butthole if they helped mom & Ben catch a wicked case of not being alive anymore.

[@songohan3321]

Man you people scare me.

[@Fairygoblet]

I see where makeup mom is coming from oh, but her daughter doesn't have the same emotional connotation to make up that she does. She might just think of it like an art project. The mother is setup to put her baggage on the daughter, which is ironically the exact opposite of what she really wants

[@MydieLy]

Yep, and that's sadly so often the case. The pendulum swinging in the other extreme direction in an attempt not to repeat the past. This won't go down well in the future if she doesn't become more self aware

[@nixxyhasthoughts]

I do find it odd that we are normalising putting make up on children. Why?

[@MydieLy]

@@nixxyhasthoughts it's all about trying it out, nothing in thar story says that the child wants to wear it regularly. Wenn I was that age, I was simply curious. And I don't wear much makeup today. So it's not like encouraging me to try it out somehow "infiltrated" me or wha'ever

[@myhubbyislouisvuitton4218]

@@nixxyhasthoughts I’m with you. I swear they said Maisy was five years old. Why would a five year old, fresh out of nursery and just started school need to try out makeup? Very odd!

[@susankaempfer8427]

I’m torn. I really don’t like the other parents dog piling onto OP. 3 professional make-up artists for a 5yo party? I’m still not sure what message this sends to such young kids.

[@cptkettch]

For the OP that missed their mom's birthday NTA. I would from here on out get blank birthday and Christmas cards with cats on them and write stuff like "where is my cat", "I'm scared, your cats name", "I want my cat back", and the like. The gift would be a cat of some sort (stuffed, cheap ceramic or crystal). Yes, I am vindictive.

[@Digitalfairy]

That's brilliant!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA OP didn't brag. The made a single announcement and should tell the Grandparents to shut up or not see the kids again. Also block the ex on Social medua

[@zerobolt9506]

Hi

[@Mewse1203]

@@zerobolt9506 what up

[@zerobolt9506]

@@Mewse1203 I messed this until just now sorry, I'm doing good got a lot of overtime at work though

[@BandObsessed923]

Holy fuck, story 1 reminded me so much of my mom's ex-boyfriend that was abusive to me. His mom is either an enabler or being abused herself. Or both, for that matter.

[@KCCAT5]

That first story? Wtaf? And the mother let this man treat her children like this? Oh there would have been hell to pay cuz I was a rebel through and through I would have made life hell for him

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - what ever happened to face painting like flowers and butterflies for little kids? professional make-up artists? for five year olds? I think OP's timeline for such things is perfectly reasonable and since her daughter accepted the 'no' answer, the other parents need to STFU.

[@irmahenzlova9718]

EXACTLY why would 5 year old's need professional makeup artists? That's just sick. Just make them look like a cat ffs.

[@zerobolt9506]

Yea

[@zerobolt9506]

Also I missed that she was 5 and though she was at least around 10 or 12.

[@myhubbyislouisvuitton4218]

There is no way on earth I would ever let my five year old wear makeup. This is so weird. Why do people want children to grow up before their time?

[@squeakybb]

I was put on so many diets from ages 12 to 15 because my mom obsessed over my weight. I had her tell me I would be so pretty if I just lost weight, criticized how I wanted to dress and present myself with an extreme religious background involved as well. That and gender dysphoria made me avoid mirrors for years and I gave up on taking care of myself on so many levels. I had such a low opinion of myself and thought I was so worthless. But now having finally accepted myself and my gender identity I feel so much more confidant dressing how I want and presenting myself how I want to be presented to the world being agender. I cut my mom off this past January after she kicked me out, and it made so many walls I had up in my mind disappear. Its awful when your parents decide you're not good enough, but all that matters is what you want for yourself

[@novabrilliant4510]

I'm appreciating the waffle even more today. My mom is currently in surgery and I'm waiting for her doctor to call me. Next week my husband has to have a TEE procedure to see how bad the blockage in one of his arteries is. It's also my brother's birthday, but he died in 2012. Sorry to unload. Guess I've been hanging on to a bit. The story about the cat is soul crushing. I'm going to hug my fur babies. Thanks so much Mark for being the amazing guy you are.

[@annaorbanes5070]

Prayers for your mom’s surgery and happy recovery. 💕

[@novabrilliant4510]

@@annaorbanes5070 Mom was in surgery for a long time. We're not in the same state, so I guess I was extra anxious. She's got MS and it makes anesthesia difficult. She is okay now. Thanks so much for your kindness 😊

[@shadewolfe1231]

OMG Story 1. Mom absolutely failed them. She picked the wrong man and made her kids suffer in their own home.

[@Acidfunkish]

Makeup has changed a lot, especially for millenials and younger. Younger people see it as either a tool they can use to feel more confident (using minimal amounts to hide teenage acne and accentuate their favourite features, and etc), or as a whole form of art, on its own. It's very rarely seen as an obligation, or even as only a girly girl thing, nowadays. There's no "correct" way to use makeup, either. There are methods to better accentuate certain features, there are methods to better conceal acne and scars, but that's not what everyone wants from it. There are TONS of us, now, who just want to have some fun with colour, and we don't give any craps about what shapes make us seem more "attractive," or even really to "hide" the features we're less confident about. Good quality cosmetics - in every colour and texture - are less expensive, and more accessible, than ever. There has never been a better time to start using it as a creative outlet. Our gender has never had a healthier outlook on makeup, either. It's a good time to be a makeup lover. So if she's showing an interest, please don't try to dissuade her from experimenting. But maybe also don't talk about "correct" ways of applying it. Let her do whatever she wants with it. It's just makeup - it washes off! That is, it washes off SKIN and most clothing. So until she's got better fine motor skills, maybe buy her the cheaper dollar store type stuff in not super dark or rich colours. It washes off, usually, yes, but some of the richer pigments are classified as dyes, so can either stain or dye things like carpet, walls, etc. The reason I suggest against kid's makeup, specifically, is because, funnily enough, that's the stuff most likely to be tainted with asbestos and other toxins. 🤦‍♀️ So please no Claire's makeup, wish makeup, and similar. 😖

[@TNTMAN360]

I ran out of coffee Mark you're going to have to give me a few minutes to go to the store

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Last story - the ex is just mad - and probably still grieving - and taking it out on OP and his partner because they got a happy ending with a second beautiful child. One quick announcement on FB is not 'rubbing it in her face'. In fact, someone probably had to really search to find it. Why the hell does OP let the ex even access his social media? OP is NTA.

[@jodieg6318]

OMG the 3rd the story. My mother was just like this too when I was growing up. My sister and I were both targets but my sister is a runner with my dad’s bean pole genes where as I am built like freaking Xena and bulk out rather slim down when I do heavy exercise which I get plenty of being a skilled tradesmen. I drew a hard line with her when she called my baby, 4 months old at the time, “a little pig” when she was feeding. I told her in no uncertain terms to ever call him that or mention his weight while he’s a baby or ever again. I won’t have him thinking his self worth is related to how much he weighs.

[@sylviajones6745]

Made me wonder 1st thing is , how many meals did she not feed you and your sibling, when you two were babies? That's scary. So very sorry sweetie ❤

[@Mimiroo]

Story 3: NTA but the OP really needs to keep her children away from her mother and continue to protect them from any weight related comments. I developed an eating disorder due to trauma as a coping mechanism when I was 11/12 and didn’t get treatment until I was 19. I was always slender but my parents throughout my teen years would make weight related jokes or poke my tummy saying “there’s a piece of cake, that’s a cookie, there’s a bread roll” and it was fucking devastating. It ruined what little self esteem I had left and I ended up getting much worse because of the comments. Even after I was admitted to inpatient recovery they didn’t understand shoving food in front of me or trying to fight me to eat was just continuing to damage my recovery and relationship with food. Kids remember every little comment about their body and it will scar them for years down the line, protect them and don’t allow her in their life without major behaviour changes.

[@huh4963]

Story 3 really made me want to cry. It’s sad that most women I know went through something similar. For me it was my grandmother. She (grandma) wanted me to lose weight when I was a teen. Even my mom went through it

[@apopuffkin1717]

My mom would do this thing, she tried to be covert about it. When I was 13 yrs old, for weeks she was making me drink 4 big glasses of water before dinner. When I asked why all she would say was "Cuz I said so". Finally, after weeks of this, before dinner one night I went to the sink as usual to slam 4 glasses of water and halfway through she said "nevermind, just go and eat dinner. It didn't work". Found out by overhearing her on the phone with my grandma that she was hoping to make me full before dinner so I would eat less. I wasn't fat, but I was 5'6" athletic from gymnastics and team sports (prob about 130 lbs, carried most of it in the muscle in my legs and butt) and I guess she found fault with that since she was petite 5'1" and 100 lbs. That coupled with my uncles constantly picking on me in little ways about my size resulted in bulima for about 4 years until I was hospitalized at 16. I think that was the wakeup call everyone needed (including myself), because no one mentioned my weight or size again. Regardless, there were other issues and abuse outside of the weight stuff, so I ended up leaving at 16 and went NC.

[@Acidfunkish]

What is it with moms betraying their own children for their new boytoys, this week?! Don't want your children to have anything to do with you as adults? Or take care of you in old age? THAT'S how you do it, ladies and gents. 😒🖕🏻

[@SorenPenrose]

I've ended relationships over my cat. I can't imagine ever choosing any person over my cat. And these people toss out human children?! I can't even imagine doing it to a cat...I literally do not have the imagination to even rationalize how a person can be that shitty

[@RockyGems]

Story 4: As an older sibling, that so-called mother's actions would have been my worst nightmare as a little kid.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@bethanntay]

If you let a man/woman treat your kid's this way. You are not a mother or father

[@Lyca31]

The cat one made me want to cry. I love my cats and my beautiful boy, AJ died last November aged 16. I still feel heartbroken every time I think of him. I miss him so much.

[@reallysweetcupcake]

In the first story, I suspect the mother just really wanted to keep her new boyfriend so she let him do whatever.

[@TailsFan]

I would've thrown him out at the fridge issue.

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: i read this on reddit yesterday and i swear I read it in your voice, man :D Also the mother is definitely a covert narcissist herself, not just an enabler to one (Ben). How she carried on about "her important day" is something only people with heavy narcissistic traits do.

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

Story #1 NTA This story hurts deeply. I love animals. Don’t know if I could ever forgive someone for harming my pets and the those who defend those people? No way!

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

Story 2: YTA. I’m sorry Op had such a misogynistic home life that she “needed to be pretty to find love“ but there is such thing as “playing make up“. Op should not project that level of negativity on her own children to avoid giving them such a horrible childhood. I understand parents that want to do better, but not allowing them to do things because you have such a negative experience involving something, like make up, you’re depriving your child of something harmless. Little girls can play with make up and not have it do anything their self-esteem. Little girls playing make up is not them allowing beauty to dictate who they are, if Maisie wants to use red lipstick to give herself a clown nose let her.

[@chanterelle483]

4th story: It is pretty normal to announce your newborn on social media to your friends and family. It's not about OP's ex. I'd have given her a pass if it was just this one time (because she is in bad place after loss of her child, understandably), but as OP said, she made it about herself when OP and his partner announced they expect the baby too. And she got rid of her first child because she was having a new one! What's wrong with her?

[@girl1213]

I feel bad for the mom going through her mother's bullying over weight. Because my own has tried really, really hard not to make it sound like she was digested with me or anything negative when she brought up my weight. She's struggled with her weight because she can't lose it even with diet and exercise and has a lot of health problems related to it. Thus she wants me to avoid these problems. OP's defiantly not the AH of the situation wanting to protect her children from that kind of treatment I'm sure my mom's had to suffer with anyone who refused to be sympathetic or understanding to her health problems.

[@UwU-235]

That last story really makes me angry. The ex is a horrible woman

[@zerobolt9506]

No Mark YOU take care 😁 also again sorry about the loss of your dad.

[@Darwinsmom]

Really interesting and, dare I say, provocative mix in today's video. I actually felt myself getting pretty steamed at the antagonists in these stories - much more than your average video. Great choices for today's stories, Mark, but I have come to expect nothing less from you! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Story 3. NTA I am so lucky I don't have a parent like this, how you going to keep on talking about your child's weight when you're the reason. If I would have been hurt I would have went no contact, because you know she's going to do the same thing to those grandkids. She is not going to change if she hasn't changed by now, might as well tell your kids no you don't have a grandparent on my side.

[@flaminhotyoshi7403]

I love how you always giggle at the word “butthole” and poop humor. We are kindred spirits lol

[@BlindZubat]

Story three sounds like my mother. She used to do the same exact thing to me. I have had body issues for years because of it. I'm just starting to actually do things for me. Instead of for others and stop hiding my body behind clothes that are to big for me. Its been kinda hard.

[@AnymousScreams]

I can relate to the third story. OP has every right to love how she looks, and even her husband says that she looks fine. Her mother needs to be out of their lives, all of them, because OP is trying to have healthy, happy children. This includes mental health. My mother thought skinny me was pretty but any version of "chubby" me was not, to the point of banning me eating most foods. No ED, thankfully. Thankfully, it took under 10 years to like my appearance. Thrift shopping is super fun and I think V-necks are awesome. OP did right by telling her mother to not do that. Is it possible the mother is jealous?

[@chulutheimposter5415]

Story 2: A very soft YTA but that's only because OP's mom did this to them, OP's mom is the main AH though.

[@babybookworm003]

I don’t think mom is the ah the daughter is 5 and mom did say she would allow it when she was older

[@chulutheimposter5415]

@@babybookworm003 I'm talking about OP's mom, OP's mom is the main AH, but I was going to go with a NTA myself, but truly I don't think it's not OP's fault. I suck at typing

[@zerobolt9506]

I miss read it too and now I'm confident, hmm NTA or soft YTA are both good choices as OP was slightly an AH, but yea I think I'm staying with NTA.

[@janetac1738]

I knew I never should have mentioned that giggle after you say butthole because now you're self-conscious about it LOL don't stop though because it's contagious you giggle then I giggle then everybody's giggling 🤣🤣🤣

[@Droptheworldghost]

Marke Post couldn't have come at a better time thank you need to get my mind off life haha

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 1: Was "Ben" afraid that the kids would shed on the couch too? Why else would he treat them like dogs?

[@gaxalee7392]

First story: NTA Cats are family, and it’s not a mistake for an adult to go out an hour away to drop a cat in a shelter. This controlling narcissist needs to be kicked to the curb. Anyone defending Ben(even on the behalf of the mom) are equally bad. Second story: Soft YTA You know what else fucks up a kid’s self esteem? Not being allowed to explore their interests. I understand Op’s point of view, but she needs therapy so she doesn’t continue to supersede her child’s interests. Third story: NTA Protect the kids from this body shaming monster. She’s not making jokes about weight; she’s being a fucking piece of shit. She is making jokes about people’s feelings about her comments. Fourth story: NTA Let’s review: First, she abandoned one kid for the unborn one. Second, she threw a tantrum and accused Op of copying her because they also want a baby. Third, she lost her baby. Fourth, she believes other people being in a happy state of life is an attack on her. I feel sorry for her loss, but I truly believe that baby is in a better place because a parent who can so easily drop one kid for the other is destined to be a terrible parent.

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

This is what I think about the makeup story: let's take out the mother's trauma and just look at the facts. There is no need for a 5 year old to put on make up PERIOD. With three make up artists *putting it on the kids*, it doesn't sound like they got to just play with it, make a mess, and have fun. THAT would have been age appropriate. But I'd guarantee they looked like the cast from Toddlers with Tiaras or Jon Benet. In other words, older than they were. Especially since the child didn't mind, the other parents were way out of line. What if OP had refused for religious reasons? Controlling? No, we pass on our values to our children, others can MYOB.

[@wmdkitty]

So the kids can't enjoy just being made up and pretty? Wow, harsh.

[@dennislemasters4339]

for the makeup story op is not the ahole she simply does not want what happened to her to happen to her daughter and there is nothing wrong with that

[@marukouga135]

While its understandable, she took it to the extreme. The primary reason OP has the trauma that she does is primarily due to her own mother stressing the importance of makeup. We can infer that OP has done no such thing to her daughter, so the assumption that dabbling with makeup will automatically give her daughter the same issues she had is wrong.

[@greenteawithhoneyandcream7173]

Story 2: YTA you went from one extreme to the other. Let the kid do what ever. Your husband is right.

[@kittenswithbows]

Last story - 8 wonder if the mother's new partner didn't like that she had a previous child? It's just so bizarre that she would sign away rights. Who does that??? Obviously very tragic about the stillborn, but her behavior is out of line.

[@carg0_b00m]

story 2 was good from the beginning, except the abuse ops mom gave her. total nta because thats a good and perfect plan, (letting your children get to there teen ages for them to learn and experience/use makeup.)

[@SuperFanGirl-gp1vo]

Story 4: Having children 2 years apart (according to my parents) is hard work, but very worth it. As one of these kids, I am very close to my siblings in a way friends of mine are often not when the age differents is a bit higher. Also, it has the potential for less competition between siblings if you're lucky. There is also the oldest kid as babysitter factor, and that you have your kids around the same time in somewhat similar phases of age so, going to theme parks, etc. you won't always have to split up as much.

[@apopuffkin1717]

It takes a special type of person to handle that, hats off to you! I knew I could not do that, so my 2 were spaced 5 years apart so one was already in school by the time the other arrived. But my SIL has 3 spaced only a couple of years apart from each other and I try to help when I can, but unfortunately I can only handle them one at a time because of the arguments and such.

[@SuperFanGirl-gp1vo]

@@apopuffkin1717 Well my parents have to do the work xD But yes, there was a lot of arguments and sibling rivalry for some time. But my parents also had family close by so during the worst times at least one kid would be spending the weekend at our Nanas. And with friends close by we kids would just be able to have sleepovers often, and get out of the house when our siblings where to much. But now as adults it is a bond that is very hard to get otherwise, even with friends whom I have known most my life. But I also know that having a much younger/older sibling can be super cool and just a different bond, so I hope yours get to have that.

[@silentphantom3149]

2nd story: NTA and YTA this is really confusing but let's be honest the real AH is OP's mother.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

I don't really get all the YTA votes. If it was something else then sure. But I thought it was a common thing to wait until kids are in their teens for things like make up. The kid wasn't even sad about it.

[@silentphantom3149]

@@untitled-gv3qp Honestly i forgot I could've voted NAH well except for OP's mom and the other moms calling OP an AH but I was just really confused about this one i was going back and forth so me saying that OP was the NTA and YTA wasn't set in stone.

[@carg0_b00m]

@@untitled-gv3qp yeah like children are dumb, they WILL mess something up

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@silentphantom3149 Oh, I know what you meant. I was just saying that I don't know why everyone else was jumping down her throat about that. I get that she had issues with makeup but it wasn't like she was gonna keep the kid from ever wearing it. Like, she could have an issue from her past about dating and it still wouldn't be a bad idea to say something like wait until your older to start dating because that's a normal boundary to have with your kids.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@carg0_b00m Honestly, even if it's done by professionals, makeup on kids doesn't look quite right. Unless it's like colored lip gloss or simple nail polish it just gives them a 'Toddlers in Tiaras' feel y'know.

[@ellenhannon5298]

Story 3 sounds like mom is jealous

[@bruuh0_0]

Story 2 NTA The kid didn't even care and OP says that when she's older the kid will have the choice. SHE'S 5 OMG. Those parents damn

[@Tammohawk1]

1) NTA Once again we see a mom choosing a man over her kids. And this one was very abusive. 2) YTA A little bit of make up fun isn't what OP's mom did to her. And she's not. But she's also going a bit to the extreme side by being so staunch in her stand about this. She needs to find the middle ground while empowering her daughter. 3) NTA But that mom has some serious problems and needs help now. That is so hateful. So hateful. 4) NTA I only got to the part where OP's ex said she wanted to sign over her rights to her 4 yr old because she was pregnant. WTF? My oldest was 4 1/2 when his brother was born, by a planned C-section, my husband worked nights and somehow I managed. Oh, did I mention I never recovered from the birth of my youngest and had to have major surgery a year later? Yeah, it was like that. There are names for women like that only I can't use them online.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Story 4. NTA I can't see giving up the first child, that's your kid, if she had any maternal instincts. I don't think she did though, no you bragged about it because you had a baby girl with a lovely woman. Is your Ex on your social media because she is you need to block her she's just giving out negativity, when it's a happy time for you and your wife.

[@irmahenzlova9718]

Story 2: I'm sorry but who tf thinks it's normal to put makeup on a little kid? That's just not okay. My mum didn't have any trauma, but still didn't want me to wear makeup until I was at least 15. I respected it and didn't really care. The girl was okay, wasn't crying so where's the problem?

[@Logitah]

Tbh, I probably would've killed Ben, or somehow made sure he ended up in jail ("I was tired of all the hairs in the drain"). My cat is my closest companion and anyone who treats her badly is toast in my eyes.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Lots of love! Kind of mad the postal service broke my order

[@dm9078]

Story 2 NTA! But OP has a problem. As Mark says she is projecting her trauma on the kid. And my guess is it was a bigger deal than OP made it out to be at the party!

[@mindyschocolate]

First story. Oh no. Ooooooooh no. You are NOT the AH. What happened to the cat being a long time ago doesn’t matter. He JUST found out Ben “made a mistake”. And she “let him know” he was wrong? Oh wow, that made a huge difference. Mom sucks too, she chose her whack immature boy toy over her own kids. Those adult kids need to high tail it away from mom and crappy husband. Damn.

[@KisameOwnsYouAll]

Story 2; her husband and those weird moms blew it way out of proportion.

[@gelibeanzcantrell7192]

story 2 hit home for me 😩 my mom never let me wear makeup either. i wanted to so badly when i was in my pre and early teens, but she would never let me have it. i didn't get an allowance growing up so i couldn't buy my own. i remember once, when i was about 9, i spent the weekend with one of my cousins and she did my makeup for church that saturday and i felt really pretty, but as soon as i get to church my mom could tell and made me take it off. i was so sad. i've always had confidence issues and didn't wear makeup again until i was 16 or 17 when i was in christian boarding school where i asked friends to do it for me until i got my own money and bought it myself. i wore it pretty much every day until i got into a bad relationship where my boyfriend (ex now, thank everything that's good in the universe) made me stop just because he didn't want me to wear it saying he didn't want me to attract other guys by wearing it, but surprisingly to me i did. i experimented with it and found out that guys liked my face with and without makeup, so i actually haven't worn it since. i still have confidence issues, but my husband and kids help me a lot when i don't feel pretty. my husband has only seen me wearing makeup in pictures and says that i can wear it if i want, but he prefers me without it. my sons, especially my middle boy, always tell me they think i'm so pretty and that they love me. my oldest looks just like me and i think he's adorable. and my youngest is only 6.5 weeks old, but every time he smiles at me i feel like he's saying i'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen. sorry for my waffle, just had to vent. 😅

[@boohooter23]

Story 3 reminds me of my mom's side of the family. My grandmother was raised extremely poor, so she developed a hoarding habit. My mother developed OCD because of that (diagnosed and everything, so just know I'm not throwing that word around), and gets so anxious that I don't organize my room the same way as her that she refuses to enter it. I don't plan to have children, so I'm unsure of how I'd be as a mom and if the residue of my mom will carry over. I just think it's interesting how the mistakes of your parents can lead you to make new opposite mistakes with your kids.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Happy April fool's day Mark ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ You are awesome and an amazing lovely person.

[@pinknight310]

Oh my goodness this is the best on my birthday! Thank you Mark for the AMAZING videos I love you alllll 💕

[@darthlukeskywalker]

For the first story I would go to the party and Ben would go to the hospital with a fork in his arm

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Story 3: NTA! I have 3 daughters and someone tried to do this to my eldest, going as far as calling her that oh so lovely f word, and was starting to try on my middle one, found this out after we cut this b***h out of our lives for other reasons we found out on. Keep these people away!

[@Sapphirelily]

Story 1: NTA Okay I only heard only a little part of the story. Only listened to when the guy got rid of the cat. As a pet parent myself, if ANYONE did that, then years later I found out who did it and why, I probably would cut off contact too. (But I’m one of the lucky ones. My parents stayed together for 34 years ((would have been 37 this year, dad passed away 3 years ago)) and we always had pets. Only one time a pet went back to a shelter was because the dog was semi aggressive and my dad tried to take her back to the shelter. Shelter would take her back. He ended up euthanizing her. I was 7 at the time)

[@adriennewaterhouse5174]

I agree with mom and story too. We need to really NOT normalize makeup at such a young age

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 2. I think YTA judgement is a bit harsh. But in this sub reddit, there isn't an in between. I have questions that I'm curious about. OP said "party makeup" I'd like a little more description on that. Like, super bright over the top, cartoonish type makeup? Like the kind you see kids were at Disneyland when they get dressed up as their favorite princess? How does OP feel about Halloween make up? I'm assuming makeup had been a topic of discussion with the husband. And would guess that makeup decisions are being left up to OP. I think the biggest aspect that makes OP and AH is the fact that these types of situations have never been a consideration of OP, when they should have. My wife and I don't have children yet, and this has been a topic multiple times. We mostly agree about proper age to wear make up, though her age opinion is a little younger than mine. But in this scenario, I'd agree with the husband, fun kid/dress up make for a little party would be fine. If the make up was super adult like, then perhaps I would have a different opinion. But I do think the topic of what makeup and when should have been more thorough and figured out by this point. Especially since the daughter had already been expressing an interest in makeup by this point.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

You too lovely ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@Park-Kim_VMin 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@HighPhoenix1754]

Here to, once again, thank you for the reminder. Also here to remind you to do the same.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@HighPhoenix1754 awwww thanks and much love 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@og_3rd_st_saint_gat]

First story charges should have been pressed for the cat going missing

[@IlkaWaffy]

2nd story... oh honey, I get it. What you associate with makeup is horrible, but your daughter wants to play with it and you're denying her that fun she could have. You can let her wear makeup and still reinforce that she is beautiful with or without and that she has worth and value beyond just beauty

[@oliviamoore3426]

I’d wish that the op who lost his cat due to his step dad would give me his address. People like Ben needs karma to deal with them in the worst possible way, as in no longer existing.

[@craftyink70]

Much love Mr Waffle ♥️ Thank you for the best 20 minutes of a sh!tty day 👍♥️

[@scheneli000]

Anyone else get OutKast stuck in their head when Mark said, “you know what to do”

[@Cheycartoongirl8]

Hello Waffle Gang! Here's to everyone having an amazing day! Life Hack: A fun drinking game- take a shot of water every couple of hours to make sure you're healthy and hydrated!

[@marukouga135]

Appreciate the advice but I'll stick drinking tea from my waffle cup.

[@Cheycartoongirl8]

@@marukouga135 LOL, same!

[@StubbyandShifu]

Age appropriate make up for little children?😂😂😂😂😂. That would be no make up.

[@captainawkward3860]

Signing away her rights to have another kid? What the actual f...?

[@angeliccow]

Wow Maisie’s mother will screw her up just as much as she was screwed by her mother.

[@dracawyn]

Story 3: I am feeling genuinely violent right now and need to go take a walk before I lose my fecking mind. *NTA*

[@dracawyn]

My mom has always been obsessed with my weight and appearance. She started putting me on fad diets in elementary school and would bring up a new one for me to try on average every year up until I moved out. Because fad diets are usually TERRIBLE FOR YOU my weight has always fluctuated dramatically. At one point in high school (I think I was sixteen?) I was on a diet where the basic premise was that you could eat whatever you wanted but you could only have 900 calories a day. My mom was more supportive of that diet than she has been of anything I've done in my life before or since. I lost 60 lbs in 3 months but the weight loss pretty much stagnated from there. I was pretty much living off of pickles and diet soda and then whatever my mom made for dinner. After being on this diet for 6 months, I decided to cheat and gained it all back in about a week. For years I had gradually worsening anxiety about my appearance to the point of having panic attacks if I left the house without makeup or if I wore "ugly shoes." I have a grand total of 15 pictures of me from between the ages of 21 to 31 because I usually wind up having an emotional breakdown any time I see a picture of myself or if someone gets out a camera. (I'm working through it in therapy but I have a LOT of baggage and my physical appearance issues are a ways down the list mental and emotional problems) Mothers need to learn to shut the feck up about their daughters' appearances. It breaks my heart every time I think that a little girl will grow up hating herself like I did.

[@wijsman6250]

Story 1: yeah sorry this controlling jerk stole your cat and put it into a shelter. Sorry that he claims all his own stuff like a demented dragon and has no respect for yours, but it happened a few years ago so get over it and accept this emotional abuse.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

Story 1, what a SHITTY mom. Just because you’re husband decided to do something without your ok, does not mean she is absolved of the abuse. Mothers who stand by and watch their own children be abused by a monster, and that’s what he is, are just as, if not at more fault for letting it happen. She makes me sick, just listening to op’s heart breaking childhood, op I’m so, so sorry for you.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

For story two about the mom who didn't want her five year old to have makeup on. I understand having an abusive mother (my mother is a selfish drug addict) and I want to be nothing like her so I've swung too far the other way and I'm an extreme people pleaser and have a very hard time saying no because I don't want to be selfish like my mother is. And I think the mom inthat story has fallen into the same kind of thing as me. She doesn't want to be like her own mother so much that she's kind of gone too far the other direction. She should have used that opportunity as a learning experience and explain to her daughter that makeup is a fun art but you're just as pretty without it. Her daughter is eventually going to want to wear makeup as a teenager and is going to be curious about it and the more her mom refuses to let her experiment and try and have fun the more damage it's going to do to her daughter. She's treating makeup like it's this terrible thing instead of encouraging her daughter to have fun and express herself. I know the mother is coming from a good place and she doesn't want her daughter to feel ugly or like her physical appearance is all that matters but just because the daughter is having fun playing around with makeup doesn't mean she's going to end up hating herself and hating what she looks like without it. I do think it's a soft yta it makes me very sad because makeup is such a fun art form and for me personally it's a form of self-care. I have a several step skin care routine I do morning and evening I love doing spa days at home and taking baths and experimenting with you make up looks it's so much fun for me and it's so relaxing and is a form of self-care. I'm totally fine leaving the house without makeup I don't feel like I have to be wearing makeup I think some of mom just needs to find a healthy balance and I need to find a healthy balance too with my people pleasing and being able to say no. Balance is really the best. Any type of extreme will hurt your child.

[@candiebarr6745]

The makeup thing, how did OP not realize before hand that going from one extreme to another can be just as bad?

[@SorenPenrose]

She associated the negativity with the specific belief rather than the extremity of the belief. Trauma doesn't exactly tend to generate the clearest thoughts. If she can learn from this incident then it's hard to fault her. But to answer your question: the emotional state she was experiencing while forming her beliefs on makeup severely impacted her judgment, which is how she failed to realize she had developed an extreme position of her own. Kudos to her for understanding where she went wrong and being willing to fix it.

[@nerdy_evy]

What happened to the mentality of when you're a single parent you want to make sure that your kids like the person you're dating first before you end up marrying them? Cause you Linda need somebody who will mesh well with them. cuz then all that shows is that you don't value your kids as much as you say cuz you're willing to throw their happiness out the window for yours and have them be in a toxic household

[@Davtwan]

Translation: “I rather say trust issues are just things of the past and dismiss your feelings in order to ‘keep the peace,’ because conflict is haaaard. :,(“ Oh boo-hoo.

[@25Erix]

Story one: I literally can't imagine anyone just dumping my cat, Tifa, off at a shelter behind my back for no goddamn reason. No one I know would ever up-end my life like that. Tifa's been in my life for almost 12 years. I can't imagine life without her. She's as much family as my parents, siblings, and extended relatives. And no, you don't fucking get over something like that, no matter how much time passes. OP just got the news that his cat was practically stolen and dumped at a shelter. People telling him to "get over it" clearly don't see animals as family.

[@Digitalfairy]

Exactly - OP had best go NC with their mother forever. Bonus points if they pay the hag back with cruel comments to drive the point home.

[@warriorcatskid003]

Story 3: I have a couple friends who have serious body image issues because of comments from grandparents. Keep them kids safe.

[@ramennoodles2589]

I haven't commented in months, but story one.. I feel very bad for how OP's family treated her, (NTA) I hope she is doing well