Marriage Separation - Pros And Cons

Are there benefits to having a marriage separation? Today we talk about 3 different types of marriage separation, plus the pros and cons that go along with separating from your spouse.
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We at Marriage Helper hear about things called “directed separations,” where, for example, some counselor may say to you, “Well, I don’t think you need to live together right now. The best way we can help you solve your problems is if you move to different places for the next several months. And I will see each of you during that interim. And at whatever point I think you can get back together, I’ll tell you that, and then you come back together.”
I won’t direct your separation. You may have a counselor, or you may be a counselor who has given that advice. Either way, I say that people need to make their own decisions. Whoever thinks they have enough wisdom to tell people to separate or when to get together, they are probably wrong. It has to be up to the individual.
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[@tylercrooks8659]

It’s so great to hear a real and honest perspective around this topic. There are so many people that separate because they hear so many people say that separation was amazing and the best thing for them, and then they struggle to manage their situation, let alone trying to find a healthy relationship afterwards.

[@Royaltylivingllc]

I’ve been separated a year and a half but only because my husband refuses to end his affair. I’m ready for a divorce. I’ve did all I can do.

[@Rick.Alan.6622]

There is alot of truthful help in this...

[@ChristopherKershisnik]

All of your resources have been very helpful. This is a great video! Stay focused on the PIES and forge ahead!

[@MarriageHelper]

Thank you Christopher! That's right! Work on your PIES, Practice SMART Contact, learn how to set healthy boundaries (or as we call them, STOP's and CORE's) and always have a non-biased, healthy community to build you up and encourage you on your journey.

[@ChristopherKershisnik]

@@MarriageHelper you guys have helped a great deal. hopefully we get to go to a retreat soon

[@biersmorgen6609]

Im currently trying to give her space to figure out if she can forgive my old ways but I'm pushing yet having some good conversations and pulls are there, she just needs time to decide if she can forgive and forget and repair with me....I'm still in the house not leaving I just need help to leave her to her thoughts, I just love her it's hard

[@ed000]

@@biersmorgen6609 she needs space so you can solve it with her and not her solving it with you.

[@wolfsden]

I don't want to be separated from my Wife, AT ALL!!! I love my Wife and feel like I've been absolutely GUTTED by HER because she wants to "have some space", for pete's sake. I DO NOT want a divorce, at all! I'm signed up to Marriage Helper, now and, as soon as I get moved back into proximity with my Wife, I will begin working on Saving My Marriage!!!

[@rds8171]

Exact same situation as you Budds, within the same time line as you. Please reach out personally if you need someone to listen, I sure could. Therapy is to far apart between sessions and I cannot afford marriage helper. Please consider.

[@wolfsden]

@@rds8171 Thanks for the offer, man. I'm not only with Marriage Helper, but I'm on Dead Marriages Redeemed and Standing Supernaturally For Marriage Restoration, both of which are also on Facebook. Those are places where you can get a lot of help and find folks to talk with. I'm trying out as much as I can, but I'm going to have to get drastic, and Marriage Helper doesn't allow for drastic. There's a LOT of great training, there, and I will eventually use it, so I can rebuild my marriage, but I have to do something ahead of MH.

[@eboniqueesprit1992]

Guys, ask her why she doesn’t like you (don’t use the word anymore as you are asking for right now and you need a direct answer). Write her answer down and see if you can make those changes. Then give her some space so you can reflect on your behavior. If she needs space try to be her friend instead of her man or father (unless you’re a slacker then try to do manly stuff for her). Date her from a distance with no obligations to take care of you in anyway. Take care of her car, send her to get her hair done pass by and take the trash out. She will grow to depend on you and hopefully invite you back. No on wants to divorce.

[@wolfsden]

@@eboniqueesprit1992 If I can't even get her to respond to me, I will not be able to do anything good for her.

[@disgruntledvet28]

Finally, someone who’s on the other side of the boat who has to deal with a wife that has gone haywire lol I am at a loss!

[@elsamurcia4934]

My husband asked for the divorced and I gave it to him because that is what he wanted. But we are still living under the same roof. I been looking at marriage helpers videos and I been putting them on practice. So I guess I am still in a good path. Yes I am not going to lie it is hard but at the end we are still together with our children and try to make the best for them. In a our relationship its is still the in limbo because he still talks to someone or someones! But I been doing my PIES and trying to save my marriage.

[@jr46692539]

Same here

[@MarriageHelper]

Well we are proud of you for working on your PIES! Are you a part of our Save My Marriage Course by chance? We know it would be a huge benefit to you. You may also be interested in the SMART Contact Toolkit if you are trying to have safe communication with your husband since he is still living at home with you. You can find info about both of those things here. SMART Contact Toolkit: marriagehelper.com/product/smart-contact-toolkit-product/ Save My Marriage Course: marriagehelper.com/save-my-marriage/

[@lasonyatruett2196]

What are your pies?

[@ryanbates7259]

@@lasonyatruett2196 PIES are the four areas of attraction. See here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g6Dbd6Cjl7iYiKs

[@sarahs7253]

so he knows he can be divorced from you and still npt have to be alone. You still cook and clean and take care of the children...just as if you were married. How will he miss you?

[@jason9199b]

I believe a temporary separation when you’re trying to maintain emotional sobriety and the sex addict has acted out is necessary. Otherwise with them in the home and acting out in active addiction it’s causing damage to the betrayed spouse.

[@MarriageHelper]

Our top priority is physical safety! If you are being physically abused, or emotionally abused, we may recommend separation. However, separation typically always affects the marriage negatively. Are you a part of any of our courses Jason? The SMART Contact Toolkit may be something to look into if you have not already. You can find more info about that here: marriagehelper.com/product/smart-contact-toolkit-product/

[@jason9199b]

@@MarriageHelper Yes I am, several of them. Including that one. Emotional damage for me or my kids is one of the reasons MH agrees to leave. Also going on the advice of my sponsor and other leaders in my 12 step programs for SAnon and codependency.

[@lasonyatruett2196]

How do I find out if I am separate

[@michelletodalen5844]

Recently separated... there was a lot of emotional and mental abuse! And him deflecting back to me instead of what he’s doing and been doing for quite some time! I’m loosing hope!

[@peterebane6247]

I just had this thought in my mind last night. To separate. I don’t feel any connection in the marriage.

[@MarriageHelper]

Peter, we would love to chat with you if you would be willing. We have a number you can call for free and speak with someone directly if you'd like more guidance and resources that could help you make a decision. Here's a free ebook that you may want to read over that has even more information. your.marriagehelper.com/10-things-to-consider-before-ending-your-marriage-ebook-sign-up?_gl=1*1r07ujr*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE2NDgyMTU2NDQuQ2owS0NRancwUFdSQmhES0FSSXNBUEtIRkdoLVJGUlo3RWg0SVBGXzBId1cxa3NoU19TNXBzOGlBd0Uzci0tN1NQYS0yUy05TWtnVjYyZ2FBcU9IRUFMd193Y0I.&_ga=2.46453479.1712325408.1649078229-1200691265.1616177493&_gac=1.124131832.1648215644.Cj0KCQjw0PWRBhDKARIsAPKHFGh-RFRZ7Eh4IPF_0HwW1kshS_S5ps8iAwE3r--7SPa-2S-9MkgV62gaAqOHEALw_wcB Please consider calling us at 1 866 903 0990.

[@KikiNation1]

For some of us watching this, we are at the point of no return.

[@jenkinslawrence6319]

I’m in a separation now my wife is leveling me for her safety and I don’t wa

[@Ace-on3oe]

Do you have online workshops for those far from your locations? We need help 😭

[@MarriageHelper]

Hey Ace 100, thank you for showing interest in our Workshops! We offer a couples online and in-person workshop as well as a Solo Spouse workshop in case your spouse is unwilling to attend. You can learn more about our workshops by following this link directly! If anything works to save your marriage, this will. marriagehelper.com/workshops/

[@sydj.5315]

My husband and I are currently separated. I’m praying for reconciliation and working on me but it’s so hard I think that I have pushed him away and we don’t even talk anymore but he wants a divorce and I don’t. I want to work on our marriage. How can I start to talk to him again and work on our marriage?

[@MarriageHelper]

So sorry to hear this. If you are trying to learn how to talk to him again and work on the marriage, is all starts with SMART Contact™. If you have not heard of this before, I recommend you look into it and consider getting the SMART Contact Toolkit that we have available. It teaches you how to have healthy communication, and sets the foundation for creating a safe environment in which the marriage can be worked on by both of you. Learn more here: marriagehelper.com/product/smart-contact-toolkit-product/

[@lionheart6993]

My husband keeps asking for a divorce, I'm a Christian and I told him no divorce. I stay with my son's, he sometimes stay at the house and his mistress....he doesn't want to talk about or work on us, he is was a pastor....he started drinking heavily again....I Love him so much.....I don't know where to start.....we have been separated two months now, married 10 yrs.

[@MarriageHelper]

So sorry to hear this. While we can help you with the marriage, sometimes certain addictions and other problems need to also be worked on before you can safely approach the relationship as a whole. Are you a part of any of our courses or groups? If not, the Save My Marriage Course is probably the best thing you can be doing right now. Also, you may want to look into the Boundaries Toolkit which we just recently released here. Here are linked to both of those! Boundaries Toolkit: marriagehelper.com/boundaries-in-marriage-toolkit/ Save My Marriage Course: marriagehelper.com/save-my-marriage/

[@Rick.Alan.6622]

Pastor with a mistress!? why am I not surprised.....

[@jasonanderson3366]

@@chrisj9700 why be so quick to judge someone? Doesn't Jesus himself teach grace and forgiveness? God can still perform miracles and mend broken marriages, regardless of the circumstances.

[@anilbalram7768]

I'm already separated and I'm not sure what will happen. I think she really wants to divorce and if anything I'm trying to accept it. She's already with another man so I don't really see the point.

[@ugochukwuobiakor8162]

What of if you have a situation where one partner has decided to separate and moved out of the house, and is not interested in counselling or any form of reconciliation at the moment, is there any hope for that marriage?

[@el8792]

This exactly my situation as well 😞

[@erk409]

@@el8792 mine too. I am trying my hardest to support her every way I can. Doing the self reflections necessary to identify the issues we had but she still isn't willing yet. We talk all the time, still love each other and still see each other sometimes. It's been a month today and has been the longest period of my life thus far.

[@andre500o]

@@erk409 Going through similar. Still have so many questions about the future. Good news, rediscovered God.

[@phabeondominguez5971]

how's it all going, any updates from any of y'all?

[@andre500o]

@@phabeondominguez5971 wife still refuses couples therapy/marriage counseling. We are now going to move into separate apartments while we are separated. Not sure if a 1 year lease and that kind of distance will help or hurt the repairing of our marriage. Both families want us to work through this as there werent any obvious red flags such as violence or infidelity. The problem was codependency and lack of boundaries

[@stevo0311]

Relief!?! Nope. That’s a joke. Separation has been hell for us both.

[@MarriageHelper]

So sorry. There is typically a temporary relief when you create distance from your spouse, but it doesn't last long. Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help you!

[@shannonace3463]

I cheated. Repented bit he couldn't let it go. It became violent over time bc he kept throwing it in my face and calling me volger names. He had me thrown in jail even tho he participated with violence towards me. Now we are separated and we aren't allowed to even contact eachother. My heart is so broken I don't know how to move forward

[@KevinDe93]

Your heart is broken, but you cheated? The man is probably falling apart because of what you did. But you're heartbroken. Makes sense.

[@StrongBodyandMind33]

I wouldve kicked you out no questions asked.

[@ericamontes6581]

He can forgive you but he doesn't have to be with you. Forgive yourself is the next step.

[@isaacatima89]

She's hurting. She made a mistake. She was wrong. She's repented. The least we can do is to share in her pain and not make things worse.

[@belalhosensarder7277]

Hello. At first salute you. I am belal hosen sarder. Muslim. Separate Live in Bangladesh. I want to come from in your place. It is my dream. Pl's get me a visa. 🌹😍🥰

[@lisamoag6548]

Lots of hands pointing and waving while you are speaking. Very distracting.

[@lbco5229]

Why insult his style? He’s giving free advice, and no one is forcing you to watch it.