How to Teach Children to Wait and Accept No

Dr. Mary Barbera discusses how to teach children with autism to wait and accept no. These same strategies can be used for typically developing children too!
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Does your client or child have a difficult time accepting no and waiting? We’re getting a lot of questions regarding these two issues. So today I have answered a question from our online community about how to teach a child to accept no when they can’t have something and to wait for something when they can have it.
So, say your child loves balloons. You go somewhere where there are balloons, but the child isn’t allowed to have them because the balloons are somebody else’s. Your child then is freaking out because he wanted the balloons and was told no. That’s one example of a point where a child needs to accept being told no.
He also could want too much of an item like chocolate or bread, or perhaps he’s allergic to something. He may want your phone, but you don’t want to hand them your thousand dollar phone because you’re afraid that they’re going to break it.
Another related issue is waiting. Maybe they can have your phone, but they have to wait or maybe they can eat the pizza, but you have to cook it first or make it first. And so there’s this waiting for things you want, or accepting no flexibly and not crying and screaming and flopping on the ground. These are all related issues to today's video blog which I'll be diving into!
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If you enjoyed this video about accepting no and waiting, be sure to subscribe to the channel, like this video and visit my website below. If you have more questions, leave them down in the comments section, and I will do my best to answer you. Thanks for watching today's video blog, and let's #turnautismaround together!
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Dr. Mary Barbera. I fell into the autism world as an autism mom in 1999 when her first-born son, Lucas, was diagnosed with autism. Since then, she became a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst and best-selling author of The Verbal Behavior Approach. Since 2015, she’s created 3 autism online courses based on applied behavior analysis for professionals and "gung-ho" parents. Whether you’re looking for autism parenting strategies, working with development delays in children, or in search of autism help for professionals, I can encourage you to subscribe to the channel and join me on my journey. I’ll be providing weekly autism resources that you don’t want to miss.

[@florentinac.2651]

You are the best !Such a beautiful soul and clean mind ,despite this covid stressful times..

[@marybarbera]

Thanks for watching!

[@gertrudesmesina3028]

Thank you, that is my problem with my grandson with autism. He is 12 yrs old. He cannot wait, he wants what he wants 'right now.' Also if he wants more of what he eats, also the use of a highly efficient cellphone (expensive/we cannot buy that). He pound his chest, shouts, now also 'bad mouth.' He pounds things which gets destroyed. Thank you for your advice. He is in grade 5, elementary schl. He can manage to do his schl work. I am 74 yrs old grandma, from Philippines.

[@marybarbera]

My online courses can help you reduce these problem behaviors and increases his skills in other areas. For more info, please join me for a free workshop at www.marybarbera.com/workshops.

[@John-xi6jr]

Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I appreciate it greatly. GOD Bless

[@marybarbera]

You are very welcome

[@denagustafson6070]

I appreciate your videos! You are wonderful. Thanks so much! If we don’t use the term “shush”, can I use another word in its place?

[@marybarbera]

Thank you! Yes, whatever works for you.

[@hgdoggy]

Thanks for the info! How do you prevent a child from grabbing whatever they want, whenever they want? And sometimes, I may be going to give the child that preferred item, but they’re grabbing at it before I can even hand it to them.

[@marybarbera]

Check out a free workshop at marybarbera.com/workshops

[@DksmEstevez]

This video is so helpful!!!! Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@marybarbera]

Thanks for watching!

[@mitchbrauchla4963]

Any advice for a child that gets aggressive for seemingly no reason. I actually just finished up with a 5 hour session in which I got bitten three times and am desperate to help the mother. I have been working in this field for 5 years and have never dealt with such extreme aggression. I am posting to this video because he also gets very upset when told “no” in school. This client has broken my nose, caused many scars on my arms, and I have been spit on excessively. He and I have a good rapport, but when he gets upset there is no talking to him or using his coping skills. His eyes get very dilated. I have worked with this kid for 8 months but no progress. I refuse to give up on him and truly want to help, but it has been very difficult.

[@marybarbera]

It sounds like you may want to think about, if given a thousand dollars to keep him happy and calm and not hurting people for even an hour, what would you have to do, do that for as much as his day as possible. You may also contact another BCBA who is well versed in this type of aggression.

[@gSWG3R]

You need to seek professional supervision. Whilst we can know that these behaviours aren't intentional, you shouldn't be coming home from work with a broken nose. Do. Not. Think. You. Have. To. Save. Your. Clients. You cannot perform miracles, and in some cases, how we think we have can help or "fix" a person is usually far detached from how one should go about things.

[@beatriceajayi4970]

My dear prevention is better than cure.(he or she may not want to transition very well with u(i have a student like that in my school "he only pick who ever ,he want whenever they change is classroom, he does accept adult taking turn to work with him ,if you do so "Be ready and prepare for tantrum(They try to read stories(communication)how to be friends to who ever come his way,This really escalated his behaviour.seek proffessional as Dr MB early said..

[@labelle3977]

Hi can you discuss too on adult autism. Specially those who are aggressive.

[@marybarbera]

Thanks for the topic suggestion.

[@mothermayhem1566]

Thank you so much for making these videos!! I have learned so much from you!!

[@marybarbera]

You are so welcome!❤

[@jennyferobinson5755]

My son he is 8 he is non verval he cry if he cannot get his way.

[@marybarbera]

That sounds like a tough situation for sure, but I can help you make your day to day much easier

[@victoriataylor5584]

@@marybarbera when my son cries, I try firmly squeezing his shoulders. Now, sometimes this works sometimes it doesn't.

[@StephanieLJones]

Hello! Thank you for the guidance. Have you done a show on puberty? My son is starting to rub on the sofa arms, etc… Thank you!

[@marybarbera]

not yet! thanks for the topic idea.

[@leannaboyle6836]

I know the restaurant she is talking about, Chuck E Cheese's

[@marybarbera]

Yes

[@leannaboyle6836]

@@marybarbera Many kids with autism don't like it. But I didn't care, in fact I loved to go there.

[@fatimajamalussama]

Ur awesome

[@marybarbera]

Thank you!!

[@manmeets1159]

Is Lucas verbal now? I know its a personal question, you dont have to answer if you dont want to.

[@marybarbera]

He is verbal. He can get his wants and needs met and answer/ask simple questions.

[@LJOEdwards_6990]

This i need to learn to say no

[@marybarbera]

It would be a great idea to attend a free workshop: MaryBarbera.com/workshops

[@aneesahthequeen]

😍😍❤️❤️💙💙