Masculine Gay Culture

[@johnferradino]

I'm masc and i had, for the first time, a fem boyfriend for several years. I gotta say, i learned a lot about being myself and being comfortable in my own skin from him. We broke up eventually, but that is one priceless lesson i owe to him.

[@sombrego2260]

I have a similar experience. My ex and friends I met recently taught me a lot about myself as a result it was very refreshing.

[@FirstLast-ii5cp]

That’s awesome

[@JimmyPageTV]

That’s dope, Would be interested if they learned anything from you

[@johnferradino]

@@JimmyPageTV in fact he told me he did! When we first met, he was always trying to appear as if he/we had a lot of money. He wanted to impress all these fake, arrogant, shallow people. He learned from me that what they think doesn't matter. A different version of "be yourself"

[@aclstudios]

Judging by your pic... no offense dude, but you are not masc.

[@SAGUY1971]

Thanks for addressing this . Many of us , just want to be who we are. I dont want to fit a "stereotype". I too, live on a farm , service my own tractor and farm equipment, love to go camping, keep various animals on my farm , do DIY home improvement projects . I live my life on my own terms and dont allow my sexual orientation to define what I do, how I act, how I dress etc etc. A bit of advice is to live your life authentically and be your best self and not fall into some category that others want to place one in.

[@CheckingINN]

My type of guy!!

[@brunomd288]

Valid, some people like being feminine, some like being masculine. That’s life

[@JamesHightower18]

@@brunomd288 and some people don’t like masculine guys and some don’t like feminine, another thing that this community has a problem with for some reason 🤷‍♂️

[@brunomd288]

@@JamesHightower18 but i see why theres a problem. I mean i do believe everyone has a way of seeing life and it’s definitely shaped by what we have lived. So people who like more masculine guys have just seen life that way, and people who like feminine maybe had some enlightening experience that made them like more fem. So when one can’t understand the other is when the conflict arises. I do believe both sides a right though.

[@yomilala8929]

​@@JamesHightower18 The problem isn't really about not liking feminine men. The problem is about homophobia inside the LGBT community. Many femenine gays are mistreated, dismissed and even harmed by masculine gays.

[@ollylevesque3404]

Also, not liking drag race is not being “insecure” most people in general across all demographics just simply aren’t interested. I don’t find it entertaining. People need to stop trying to project their own insecure on others with buzzwords and claims of “bigotry” that aren’t real.

[@leeshepherd5669]

NOT LIKING DRAG IS JUST PLAN DAMN STUPID...DRAG IS SOME OF THE MOST FLATTERING ENTERTAINMENT.

[@ManuMiAS]

@@leeshepherd5669 drag is disgusting, and not everybody has to like it, it's even so stupid that now women are being drags too, it lost it's meaning

[@jdjordan4425]

I dont like the show Drag Race either. I do enjoy a drag show every once in a while - they can be very entertaining but not so much the show Drag Race, at least not for me.

[@jdjordan4425]

@@leeshepherd5669 I dont think he is saying "drag" in general. He is referring to the show "Drag Race" and I honestly dont enjoy it either. I do enjoy a good live drag show tho.... And saying "not liking X is just plain stupid" is well... just silly. What one person likes or finds entertaining another will not and its not stupid - its subjective. I like hiking... others hate it. Its not stupid to hate it.

[@Adro-c4v]

@@leeshepherd5669 lol no. Drag isnt fun or entertaining at all to me. Dont push your stereotypes on us

[@JustinJohn-j4r]

I pass as a masculine because it's just natural to me. Sometimes it is hard when you have to explain why you're not interested in a strip club or why you don't wanna meet someone's sister, cousin , coworker etc.

[@RodolfoGallo-h1g]

Same bruv, I was raised in the countryside, mostly taking care of chickens

[@ELP1125]

THAT PART

[@RodolfoGallo-h1g]

I don't get it

[@john.premose]

Exactly, I hate the assumption that masculine guys are really queens underneath but they're just suppressing it. The queen persona is put on and affected as much as any other, there's nothing natural about it.

[@DewtbArenatsiz]

Just wait till you're old lol

[@longmundawam5739]

I'm just myself. I don't know whether I'm faminine or masculine. But people say I walk like a woman. That happens unconsciously, so I won't adjust my footsteps for someone just because i want to proof my masculinity

[@chrisjackson8151]

Please, just be yourself…okay? ❤

[@Gee-xb7rt]

A friend of a friend called me feminine and I was puzzled, then I learned he was into leather daddy stuff and he thought button down shirts were feminine.

[@rommelangus]

@@Gee-xb7rtlol as much as he sed bout men in skirts 😮😮

[@issahb1999]

i think we need to stop constantly worrying of how we’re being perceived and just focus on whatever makes us feel good. and because people will often try to make us feel ashamed when what makes us feel good happens to be feminine, we need to remind ourselves that this is what feels good and comfortable in our bodies and this is how we receive pleasure and we all deserve to feel pleasure. this is how we de-shame and radically accept ourselves without conforming to heteronormativity

[@TheBodiesInTheWaterBeckons]

Idk if i'm fem or masc either, which one is higher than the other? Idk. I used to be super fem, but as I ages, I naturally evolved into this...? Idk how to describe myself, lol. I'm now closed off, cold and distant, but that's also majorly due to my introverted nature. I don't want to be the center of attention, be it the bad kind or the good kind. I just don't want it. I'm still fem in some ways, but I'm also much more masc than I was when I was in my teen years, that was when I was super fem, to the point that I was even seriously considering if I actually wanted to... You know, cut the thing off or not. So glad that i didn't. My teen years was an enigma to me, comparing to myself now. I feels like I don't know who that version of me was. Was it the fluctuating hormones? I have no clue. When puberty hit that was when my fem side started to drastically dissolved. I comes to settled on the only thing that has been constant in my life, that has never changes, no matter how old I got. It's the fact that I like men and that I want a Prince of my own to live together till death and beyond. Yeah. Kinda vomit inducing corny right? I'm an old school romantic like that. I find myself a dying breed and I'm struggling to find true connection. I'm so lonely man. I want someone, anyone at all, who wanted to be with me, as partners, forever and potentially to the next life as well, to bind our souls and become soulmates, to always comes back to find each other's company no matter which next life we get send to, as per my Buddhist's reincarnation belief, but i'm 31 now and still can't find that Prince if mine. I'm losing my hope. What terrible karma have i ever done in my past lives for me to suffer this never ending loneliness that has been festering for a decade now like this?

[@mystikalmaze]

So basically the message is: accept and celebrate diversity, let people be who they wanna be, stop judging each other. Sounds like a great message if you ask me!

[@grandetristesse3370]

Brainwashed

[@grandetristesse3370]

Weirdos honestly

[@grandetristesse3370]

Or maybe seek mental help and stop being weird?

[@hungrytroodontid]

I look and dress masculine (workout, beard, Levi’s, work boots), but have feminine mannerisms (higher pitch voice, excessive hand gestures, silly poses). When in straight male spaces, I don’t relate to a lot of what they say, and the dudes often want me to "man up." But in LGBT spaces, the people like me if they focus on my nonconformity aspects to the point of infantilisation. It’s as if they accept me "despite" my masculine characteristics. I’m left feeling like I can’t fully relate to either group. I’m still figuring it out.

[@Deg40000]

Yeah I can relate to you there. I like to be a bit of both and have a balance between my masculinity and femininity so I tend to want the same in a partner. I’m still trying to navigate my masculinity since I’ve recently came out as trans as well.

[@Harry-fk5of]

People just love to stereotype and put others in a nice box so they don't feel uncomfortable. It's one of the worst aspects of living in society Imo

[@christiano_vibez]

Its very tricky to deal with. Finding those who accept you no matter what means they understand you have good intentions & dont project there previous experiences onto you. I find queer bookshops or sober spaces more inclusive that way as im very much like you

[@hinaguiza8810]

This except I'm a big tall masc woman who's actually a silly geese at heart. it's frustrating but I'm figuring out what works for me, good luck to your journey.

[@echofoxtrot2.051]

Just be yourself. If the groups were as accepting as they claim, then they'll accept you as you are.

[@chadcrigger3101]

I always thought our community was so diverse with people but lately it has become very narrow in perspective.

[@CamoLoTiProd]

I'm a Christian who struggled with homosexual tendencies, but I knew from the start I wouldn't ever support the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. There's too much hypocrisy and there are too many attacks on children (Which I'm technically still a part of) for me to actively wish it well. The community went from a unifying force for different sexualities to this weird divisive monster of a group that treats anyone who they don't like as trash.

[@choblgobblrr1074]

How

[@aclstudios]

Lately? Nah this has been a thing for decades.

[@kaymillerfromTX]

@@aclstudios True. Just like when you commented “judging by your pic you aren’t masc” to a Guy on another thread. There’s some who will always judge and hold their biases even for “decades” 👀

[@TheIvyLens]

Exactly. The effeminate gays have been building influence and power and seek to expand cancel culture into the “community”. The alphabet mafia and pronoun gustapo have made me unregister as a democrat and I won’t be voting “blue” for the first time in my life. It’s the age old tale of the oppressed becoming the oppressor. Insert Hotel Rawanda here. Part of the queer community has been been weaponizing their identity for years now. An effect from, condemning toxic masculine into equating masculinity with toxic behavior, etc. Which at least gave rise to a champion of common sense like Jordan Peterson. I have no qualms with shutting down and condemning my own peoples for abusive behavior. The same behavior they themselves once condemned. It’s our own responsibility to call out our own bigotry and hypocrisy. How are you going the be trans and non binary. The math is not mathing. This is verbal gymnastics in order to control discourse and weaponize identity. How are you going to create the term “cis” and at the same time conflate the word “women” in public discourse. You can’t be a preacher of differentiated lived experiences and also breadth down someone’s neck when they use the word “woman” in the traditional sense. It’s psychotic.

[@wellschr888]

I have always liked more masculine men. I have been told that for a small guy who enjoys wearing jewelry, rings on every finger. Colorful clothes. Ears double pierced. You can still be masculine and wear what you want.

[@steppenwolf584]

Exactly, bud. You do you 👍

[@brunomd288]

Yeah but I think we shouldn’t think we can STILL be masculine. Like yeah we can be, or not. And it’s okay, you don’t stop being a “man” because you acted feminine. But yeah I have a certain attraction towards masculine men too, but I feel like that comes from me liking being more feminine. Either way, I think taste in men evolves with time

[@Kandlelite]

From the COMMENTS the ONLY thing I see IS TOXIC MASCULINITY!! Homophobia in its ranks … says it all

[@Isaac-ci5wy]

100000%

[@yomilala8929]

That doesn't sound very masculine 🤣🤦🏾‍♂️

[@1jotun136]

I find performative masculinity just as tiresome as performative femininity. Just be yourself.

[@hermaphrodits7685]

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THEM B1TCHES AT THE BACK!!!

[@isaa8521]

🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@chefssaltybawlz]

No such thing exists. Lmao. If you aren’t masculine you can’t “perform” it, Sean Cody has shown us all many examples 💀

[@ezequielmondada6427]

​@@chefssaltybawlzyou absolutely can. XD

[@Harry-fk5of]

@@chefssaltybawlz Of course you can. It's acting, people do it all the time to disguise who they really are

[@Aginob568]

I’m not really into drag race, I would rather be out in my work shop at night instead.

[@RomanJockMCO]

I don't know, it's amazing sometimes what can happen in 1320'

[@bradroth7005]

me too!

[@kaymillerfromTX]

Most of us aren’t. Idk why this keeps getting pushed on us as a talking point for some “culture” we don’t have.

[@shawnific]

wearing a frock while in the workshop?

[@akrenwinkle]

@@shawnific I would say, "Get the frock out of here!"

[@davidmcdonald1898]

Hello. Love your video. I might point out that in addition to insecurity, another factor in the social conflict you (accurately) describe is the changing nature of society itself. And these changes seem to go right to the heart of our shared concepts and values, especially in the U.S., which includes, as you point out, ageism and racial tension, among others. Right now, we're so hypersensitive on just about every issue that we're running out of qualifiers before we even come to terms. Here's my point: The fact that public mannerisms, not to mention gender identity and sexual orientation, are under fearful scrutiny and criticism is not so mystifying. I'm in the Boomer generation and have had the opportunity of seeing these changes, even sharing rooms with two trans women in my late teens, and my head is still spinning. (Incidentally, this intergenerational hostility I've seen lately -- we Boomers called it the "Generation Gap -- is a discussion I would LOVE to have someday -- talk about stereotyping!) Anyway, I'm joining up, and thanks!

[@emosag]

I believe everyone has a bit of masculine and feminine within themselves. You can choose to express more of one part or the other. Why not be a bit of both…

[@YoureRightIThink]

Exactly, and some naturally lean more or have more of one than the other, but both are still there

[@LuisKolodin]

I can't relate any aspect of me as feminine. In fact, the more masc to me, the better.

[@Markfini]

To me as a non english speaker, it's so easy to hear you. You speak so clearly, I loved it.

[@ineedmusic7927]

Brasileiro xD

[@sleuer66]

I am a military veteran. Former competitive amateur body biulder, I have always been masc. It is who I am. I think it is the other way around. My security of being masculine, make other gays that are more fem, feel insecure.

[@MrYokahu]

Respectfully, could you please elaborate on what you meant by, "My security of being masculine make other gays that are more fem, feel insecure."? I want to understand your statement/opinion!

[@SOCCERNUT32]

Thank you for your service brotha.

[@wertyghjkl-fc3dx]

really? I've never felt that way when even trying to meet people that are masc like you suggest you are. trusting someone like you...different story though...like someone I've known for years...never know how they'll react.

[@shawnific]

yeah right. i hope your skirt was right side front when you wrote this.

[@shawnific]

@@SOCCERNUT32 you mean sista

[@akaflint10]

Masculine, not 'masculine acting'- it's not an act. Not everyone is or wants to be a stereotype.

[@Biserbalkanski]

😂

[@colt9836]

You can ONLY act masculine, my friend. Masculinity and femininity can only be described by the stereotypes society ascribes to them. Gender is a performance, something that we project to others. It tells others how we view ourselves and how they should view us. "We are all born naked and the rest is literally drag."

[@TCt83067695]

Baby I'm about to blow your mind. I think you'll find we are all acting just to get through this thing called life. You learnt to act in a way society defines as masculine. It's not like you were born that way

[@HeortirtheWoodwarden]

​@@TCt83067695 Social constructivism is nothing but a lie pushed to justify totalitarianism and social engineering. Half of your behavior and personality is determined by your genetics. Men and Women evolved differently to fulfill different roles for the species, so of course that's genetically encoded.

[@akaflint10]

@@TCt83067695 I don't put on an act for anyone, I'm being myself. And that comes across as masculine.

[@ThomasDooley-lb1pz]

Just be you, your you. Don't give a toss about what's expected of you, from whomever. You are unique and wonderful as you are, enjoy.

[@lugnut4848]

Let’s all just get along! ❤️👍👏

[@ATREIDESDUNCAN88]

They won't. All perverted. Unfriendly and not looking for a relationship.

[@themonsterwithin4000]

A community full of men can never have peace.

[@wakeupthisisntreal8168]

Woah😱 All world issues solved instantly why didn't we think of that sooner☺️😊❤👍

[@Boo-boo-wh4pi]

@@wakeupthisisntreal8168I have a feeling you like when people don’t get along

[@wakeupthisisntreal8168]

@@Boo-boo-wh4pi nah that's boring. We need a lil drama. But I stay out of it personally

[@genehauser9217]

You look quite stunning and masculine in that cowboy hat I must say!

[@acenull0]

Thank you for a rational take 😂 there's too few of us to really be infighting 😂

[@badpiggies988]

How quickly we as a community have gone from "you don't need homophobes to tell you how to live your life" to "you need *other gays* to tell you how to live your life!!!1!", and basically try to force people into two extremely-polarizing cliques that both hate each other and often see each other's very existence as a personal affront. What many of the people complaining about us masculine men-attracted guys (I say that because I'm bisexual) don't realize is that not everyone is personally interested in the same things or attracted to the same qualities. A feminine boyfriend would be nice imo (heck many of us bisexuals tend to be partial to the androgynous-looking), but they are not entitled to my body. Conversely, the reason why many of us masc guys are hated is because too often many of our arguments consist of "I'm not personally into/interested in X" followed by a dig at those who might be (I'm not saying you do this, I agree with your points).

[@leeshepherd5669]

this is a question....Bisexual men tend to like the fem looking guys Or trans even...... Why? Is it because they don't want to be thiought of as liking males only ?

[@badpiggies988]

@@leeshepherd5669 I dunno about the others, but for me it has nothing to do with how others may see me and is just because I like people who embody “both types of attractive” as I call it. Heck I still have yet to work up the courage to ask anyone out, male or female lol

[@leeshepherd5669]

@@badpiggies988 Fair enough!!

[@CynthiaNotG]

@@leeshepherd5669Lmao not even close to true. Most bi people don’t even “identify” as you kids say because it comes with this… RULES AND REGULATIONS.

[@shawndavidson9686]

I appreciate you taking on this subject. How we present is very personal, just as much as the process of coming out. Empathy, patience, and acceptance is what matters. "Don't be negative... there's no space for that," is bloody brilliant.

[@greathornedowl3644]

Thank you for sharing. Great topic, coming from a burly masculine man

[@yellowtoad6803]

Totally agree, humans are multifaceted and we all should be allowed to explore different expressions and not pertain to one role or stereotype all the time. Just be who you are. :)

[@juliancarroll1129]

Remember : Rupaul said long ago " that we are ALL born naked; and the rest is drag"

[@paperboy8865]

Can I get an Amen up in here?

[@pepethefrog2]

😭😭💀

[@AlbertKundrat]

@@paperboy8865 "AMEN!"

[@M0ONCommander]

so Judith Butler-core

[@YoureRightIThink]

Huh?..

[@tysonvslewis12]

You know….. as a super passing masc top, I am sooooo THANKFUL for the cute fem guys that peak my interest! How boring would it be if we lacked diversity in our community?

[@timojarun7830]

I agree. Someone should handle those little chickens. Meanwhile I like to prey super passing masculine tops and make them bottom.

[@kayde.g]

exactly. we should be appreciating the diversity instead of trying to divide us

[@tysonvslewis12]

@@kayde.g exactly!

[@CheckingINN]

Thanks for saying this! The whole masc for masc thing is so ridiculous

[@tysonvslewis12]

@@CheckingINN right! I honestly just don’t get it. I LOVE fem guys and just have zero interest in masc guys

[@vieira_991]

The way I thought he was going to say “I got my cowboy hat on because we’re taking about Cowboy Carter” 😭

[@Kai1028-ol2gt]

SAME

[@anantsaini]

I just get attracted to masculinity so much. Might be because we are attracted to what we lack. Hmm. Love you all the Masc Gays Out there. Our community needs you!

[@richardstokstad9271]

very well spoken Jaks.

[@xxangelicdudexx]

I think some people over generalize and judge people by a trait instead of assessing people individually. I had a masculine friend that would always put me down for my feminine traits. He was also tall and white where I am short and mixed race. He would often make fun of me for those traits while boosting up himself for his traits so I learned not to associate with him. It was insulting to rub his privileges in my face. I have seen a large amount of masculine men with this mentality, so I can understand why men with feminine traits may hold resentment and retaliate. Hurt people hurt people. However, I know not all masculine men have this mindset. My current partner is masculine.

[@bmxboyzac]

I guess I never really thought about some of the things that you said but thinking I didn’t now they’re definitely there

[@steveellington397]

You understand the concepts very well. As a Licensed Counselor, I agree it is people's insecurities that lead to such discriminations and stigmas. It is so refreshing to see someone who truly accepts themselves and knows what it is to accept others where they are.

[@dodelphi]

My philosophy of life is live and let live. As long as our choices and actions don't hurt others, then our life and the way we choose to live it is no one else's business. I'm masc and so agree whole heartedly with your perspective.

[@goodvibesvideos9704]

I am so happy in discovering this channel! I agree with what you said. Watching you made me say to myself "thank God! finally someone is making sense! New subscriber here and just happy to listen to you speak abut this topic. I feel we really could be friends! Take care!

[@andrewgawlik4961]

I'm in the leather scene too and don't have interest in drag. I just do what I like and am attracted to what I like... I don't fit in a box of the stereotype... That being said, I have taken serious issue with straight people trying to set me up or assuming that I am planning on bringing a woman home. Sure on some level I might "pass", but I just find flamboyance as a turn off. I also prefer to be able to be out and open with those whom I have a relationship with... especially when it comes to polyamory. It's not a matter of being insecure for me, as I believe that everyone should be free to be who they are... just know that different people are attracted by different qualities. I haven't been interested in sports, but tend to be interested in videogames, fantasy, cooking, and some crafts. I like what I like and don't what I don't. I've had plenty of issues from my upbringing especially when it comes to being on the autism spectrum.... Though, I do believe that society needs to be more accepting of people who are different.

[@Jivansings]

“Having lived it” “I was there” “what was necessary to survive the 70’s 80’s … the secret language ..the code..” when did I age into to these phrases!?? But there it is, the hidden history, the whole experience right there within me. It’s a lot !

[@jpadila7]

Sometimes being athletic, having a physical labor type of job, or wearing masculine clothing isn’t a performance or a way to hide what you really want. The only issue with this video is assuming that all masculine gays are masc because they are afraid of fem. Maybe they aren’t at all, they are just expressing themselves how they really want to.

[@manpower2078]

I didn't know there's a "culture" to being just happy with what u got. I am way , waaay out if these community-labeled-theories.

[@beyondpetty6009]

Everyone is inherently a part of a culture the moment they are born. How you choose to engage with it, if at all, is the question.

[@thomasjoyce7870]

This is my first time bumping into you: I really enjoyed hearing your comments. I'm a older guy (well, ok, an old guy) who mentally believes I'm still 30 (my body dictates otherwise 😂). I'm so impressed that a young guy such as yourself is comfortable putting himself so squarely in the public eye. But you have spoken truth to truth. I was bred into an Ohio, rural, Appalachian village. I knew I liked boys from age 5 or so and spent the next 15 years in the closet. I didn't like football (it hurts), but I did like basketball and track, so I was safe. Plus, I was smart. Plus, I was a sosch. I spent most of my maturing years in Long Beach, CA (so, LA; hell yeah!) Your take on masc vs fem is dead on, and I appreciate that you, like me, have been able to date both. Kudos to you.

[@jcpaintz97]

I would say that throughout my life, I have often felt the need to play a role and act in a certain way to protect myself. This meant hiding my true, authentic self from others. However, I came to realize that this was only causing me mental harm. As I grew older, I understood the importance of being true to myself. Coming out to my friends and family was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. I was overjoyed by their happiness and support, and I finally felt free and happy to be myself.

[@marklanderny]

I hear you.

[@compu85]

You made your point very thoughtfully and clearly. I wonder if some of the "elevation of masculine gays" comes from deep internal self loathing. I'm almost 40 now, and couldn't have dreamed of coming out when I was 16. But that's a story for another time. PS: I listened to this while pulling the cylinder head on my car. :) I do often worry about how I present, and I've had people start making homophobic comments to me... even a manager at one point. It really cuts into your soul. One positive take away from that experience is now I'm out as soon as the conversation allows, eg people see my wedding ring and ask I I have kids, and I say no my husband and I don't. It's a big metal load reduction!

[@margueriteware9499]

Love your message. Wish you were running for president!!!! You give me hope. Bravo!!!! Luv you, keep on keeping on hugs.

[@nate3556]

I’d say I’m pretty in the middle of masc and fem and the second my voice goes deeper I get comments like “oh stop trying to act manly” or “stop doing that voice” and I hate it.

[@14ariel77]

I guess you’re hanging out with the flamboyant feminine type 🤮

[@robertwilmot6625]

I really appreciate how you wrapped that up, asking for comments to be constructive and respectful

[@ernestohernandez2451]

I believe you are exactly right. I couldn't agree more. Too bad everyone doesn't open their eyes and see it. Thanks!

[@ramkumarsubramanian5502]

We'll spoken and I love the fact how honest are you with your thoughts and feelings. Hate is wrong 👏 very well said. I hope this eye opener for all the prejudice within the community.

[@Deadbeatdebonair]

One vital moving part that I think is usually missed in these conversations is the topic of Androphilia. Some guys whether it was developmental or a biological inclination are more specifically attracted to masculinity and masculine traits in general. That could mean the broad shoulders, the build, the temperament etc. It’s not always a case of insecurity or self hatred, some guys literally can’t help their preference, and sometimes that Androphilia gets internalized, meaning they can have a hard time finding themselves attractive or being comfortable with themselves in more feminine contexts. I don’t think that’s a bad thing or is something that needs to be changed or worked on, it literally just boils down to preference. But either way like you said, when that preference turns into a superiority complex and gets projected outwards, it’s really uncalled for and just further pits us against eachother unnecessarily

[@Richie8a8y]

Good for you Jaks. The first 60 seconds tells us who you are and where you are going. Be yourself.

[@delmerfry3689]

Thank you for putting this out there. Good rule of thumb.. to be yourself. :)

[@pazthakrar9270]

You described this perfect and the feelings and hate as well . Great video and thanks for the upload

[@LovelyBlockGame-jv3eq]

I watched every aspect from beginning to end. Every second, every minute is so relatable.

[@NeoAutodroid]

When I came out people thought I was joking because I was a skater, stoner and listened to heavy metal and apparently seemed straight and masculine lol. Even when I had a boyfriend in highschool there were a couple of people who said I was just pretending for attention 😂

[@Mias-ey6om]

This is really a good point and reflects how I‘ve always seeing it. „Just be and let other people be as well“ Hate and Judging doesn‘t fit in to our Community . ❤❤❤

[@TheWorldsNo1Superstar]

Screw acting one way or another to please anyone's opinion of myself. Like me or not, others' opinions are not my concern. I love the man in the mirror. That's all that matters. You said it! Insecurity makes everyone be so defensive leaving clear their insecurities ❤❤❤

[@danielreynolds8376]

When you become fully at peace within yourself, you can be your true self and become incredible 💕

[@davidfryer9359]

Masculinity is not toxic. Masculinity is intoxicating. ---David Fryer.

[@SamuelLi-w6u]

No hate, but this is extremely funny to me given that only toxic things can be “intoxicating” in the literal sense. To be intoxicated originally meant to be “poisoned” after all, and now is mostly used in reference to the reaction of alcohol on the body, which is, you know, your body’s reaction to being poisoned by the drink lol. So this quote by you can be read as either, “masculinity isn’t toxic, it’s alluring” or “masculinity isn’t toxic, it poisonous”. I’m pretty confident I know which one you meant though.

[@davidfryer9359]

@@SamuelLi-w6u We will be keeping it as is. Even though i am exremely aware of English incuding, but not limited to the subtle and baltant nuances of the broad and the narrow meaning of its words, i will be keeping my original quote as is. But i have noted your comment and screen shot it for my family and my lawyers for their amusement. You just solidify the actual meaning of my quote, which flew so fast over your head. Please report immediately to an M.D. and have that abnormally low testosterone level corrected. Take an ice bath...700% increase in test. Get a tan on your testicle... 140% increase in test. Sprint. 125% increase in test. There are so many things you can do to get your numbers higher. I think it is quite sad that your testosteone has never been high enough for you to be completely drunk on it. Go to a gym and just breath in the sweet fragrance of real men striving to be better, stronger, more protective men. But be careful. I fear it might be fatal for you...all that "toxic" masculinity might just poison you. Good luck with that low testosterone. Be better and get those levels up. I believe in you... because you are super intelligent. And you should know better. If you identify as a girl, please forgive me. That would have been rude on my part. And I dont want to be rude to a little gir,l or a man who identifies as a girl. I would not want to be completely toxic...no hate.

[@davidfryer9359]

@@SamuelLi-w6u where is my comment? The one that i screen shot?

[@adamgarrick3778]

I'm rather proud of myself for making it 11 minutes into this video before moving on.

[@kayde.g]

i deeply appreciate this video you made and wholeheartedly agree. its important for people to come to terms and accept themselves and others for who they are no matter what combination of "femininity" or "masculinity" they have. we are all people with our own uniqueness and now more than ever we should be coming together and be respectful/considerate instead of trying to divide and judge each other

[@DaddyBear1971]

I think you captured the essence of this particular subject quite well. However, those who seem to be most preoccupied with this dynamic, in my opinion, seem to be those people who exist at the extremes of the masculine / feminine spectrum. As you said, their insecurities are usually what feed the flames on this topic. And the same feelings and points of debate have been flying back and forth since I first noticed it in the 70’s… unfortunately.

[@mikemanzano5363]

Love your discussion about “passing”. However, I hate that I pass, because it just means I have to come out all the time. So it’s a blessing and a curse.

[@InimicalWit]

I think the general problem is people who don’t like who someone else is attracted to, because it’s not them. A terrible sort of echo then happens in the consciousness of different people. People want diversity, but then they want those around them to demonstrate attraction to a diversity - that includes them. Because they too often see attraction include not-them. Then, when heard, others become derisive about these passed-over people. Negative attitudes feed negative attitudes until those passed over become terribly bitter, get called “incel” as an accusation, and then almost explicitly denied the love and compassion they were only ever asking for in the first place. I totally agree with something you said: Generalizing to absolutes is what creates the nest to grow prejudice. Be kind to each other 💙

[@loganbradd9472]

This is probably the smartest response I've heard so far

[@chrisjackson8151]

The best response ever! Welcome to woke culture: where it wants diversity, but not diversity of thought. These are the same people who are self-righteous about how anti-this or anti-that they are, and you must demonstrate it by being vocal about it…otherwise youre a bigot!

[@BigBadJerryRogers]

Always be respectful to others but nobody owes anyone else their sexuality. Everyone is allowed to like what they like and there's no right or wrong, only differences.

[@InimicalWit]

@@BigBadJerryRogers Agreed. Everyone's allowed to like what they like, truly. That's a simple matter of Free Will. But my point is, the "incels" I mention comprise two general sorts: Those who started out being mad that people were "left out on Valentine's Day" (so to speak) - and those who were only accused of it as they begged for someone to love them. 💙 The prejudice is that a person will assume that "incels" (as the label tends to mean) are people who *deserve* to be alone for their behavior, before actually learning the life they led - that brought them to be begging for love and possibly very angry at life (and other people) for not having it. Certainly, we might agree about an individual having screwed up their own chances, but we cannot assume it happened. 💙💙 I absolutely agree that no one person owes any other person their sexuality. People with trauma are angry at things that people without trauma will not be angry at. We cannot use the result of their life as justification for the cause of it. 💙💙💙 It is the nature of prejudice to believe that someone is undeserving of respect before you know who they are.

[@lskylarbrown]

What a terrific talk. Keep it up.

[@ginocarranza4072]

Just be yourself. But don’t act a certain way to attract anyone or pretending to be someone else. However, respect what someone likes or is attracted to without blaming anyone for one’s own insecurities. On that note: Any bros in Miami?!

[@jaya.d-gauthier1644]

Let’s be real: there’s no argument much less 2 sides of it. There are men comfortable being their authentic selves and a TON of “yassss slay kween” caricatures upset because we don’t feel the need to perform it with them. It’s not that we like “passing for straight” it’s that we like not making our orientation a CONSTANT focal point as if we have nothing outside of that. I don’t assume I “pass” I simply don’t care to wonder if everyone I meet “can tell” 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@sleuer66]

Right on, I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it

[@glennyothers5672]

Exactly, I'm a man who is attracted to, and loves, other MEN, I'm not looking for a woman with a penis, I "act" masculine because that's who I am, I like other masculine men because that's what I'm attracted to... I don't look down on feminine men, but you can't tell me I should be attracted to them. I am who I am.

[@antoinenvt]

Imma have to disagree on one thing you said, perhaps I didn't understand it right but I don't think the "yass slay queen" caricatures as you've labelled them are putting on an act, some of them may, but others may just find this attitude the best way to express their true self don't you think ? I mean, I wouldn't know, I've never acted this way myself but I imagine some people don't act but are this way, and if it makes them happy, I guess it's as authentic as the will of others not to make of their sexuality their whole, right ?

[@jaya.d-gauthier1644]

@@antoinenvt I think we are in agreement actually. I don’t mean feminine attribute or mannerisms specifically, I mean the stereotypical cliche overdone tropes we’ve all seen a million times. There’s nothing wrong with leaning masculine or feminine at all, we are who we are.

[@choblgobblrr1074]

@@glennyothers5672You just talked down on feminine men like the sentence before saying you don’t…

[@Brianitftkd]

Great video bro, this blew my mind, never thought about it like that, I've also heard homophobic jokes because I seem straight. I will say though...it's not that I put on an act it's just how I am, I just like masculine stuff, football, UFC, in fact I'd offer that I like masculinity so much that I'm not attracted to Women. I like guys.

[@Josue-ko2dk]

🔥🔥🔥

[@robparham1300]

Dude you got the cowboy hat on backwards.

[@GracieHakim]

🤣

[@theofficialclownhq]

he still looks cute😭

[@austinhk2829]

Dead😂

[@kobusgrove985]

No to stress.....that`s his fem side coming out.....

[@carlorizzo827]

Guffaw I couldn't tell

[@jasperrasmuson5707]

The fact that this video found me today is so coincidental. Yesterday when I said to my friends "My goal is to pass as straight," my queer friends looked at me kind of funny. Which led me down a thoughtpath that made me question my motives to do so, but I feel like I'll always be battling it. As a transman, behaving in any feminine way akes me dysphoric: even things like how I talk, how I walk, and how I hold my hands when standing around. I'm starting to recognize that maybe this obsession with being very masculine isn't healthy, but I also have no clue how to wane that mentality; as a trans man, my masculinity does feel fragile, I've had to fight and continue to fight just to be called the right pronouns by family and strangers alike. So is deliberately changing the way I talk, walk, and stand something obsessive and harmful for me, or is just a part of my trans journey. I really don't know, and it's incredibly frustrating...

[@FerKzrs]

Feminine men aren't attracted to other femenine men either. I cannot sexualise them. I'm simply not attracted to that. Masculinity comes natually to me and many other men as well. I do, however, believe that my dad played a role shaping part of my personality, which I'm thankful for.

[@RichardBaker-wt8wm]

I read your wonderful text! Fem gays is what straight people see!! They watch tv and movies, about what gays act like! Know wonder they hate us! I'm 70 years old! What I see from Hollywood, I can only shake my head in disqust!

[@obatalaosun2222]

Speak for yourself. Come to NYC. There are lots if fems dating other fems.

[@ВайноХлеб-е9ф]

Lol what an assumption to make

[@hedenistpluto]

I think that's just socialisation😭

[@TheEternalClown]

How can you tell that it comes 'naturally' to you? Could a masculine adult have turned out feminine given different circumstances, individual and societal?

[@gr8god4u]

Wow, spot on. I am confident we'd be great friends in person. Grace and peace to you always.

[@davidlee1603]

I IM just like you.Raised blue collar. Did all the sports also. Except football. Ech! The world runs on two things. Fear & Love. That's it. I see the divisiveness you express. The "gym-rats" are an example. Like you, I have both sides,masculinity & feminine. I except that & what others think about you is not your business .❤❤. My own brother is 2 years younger than me & he is homophobic. We do not talk since my dad passed 5 yrs.ago. So it is very sad. Forgiveness is hard. So I keep focused & centered. I trust love because judgment is just petty. Thanks for bringing light to this & being (for real). Xoxo ❤️

[@billTO]

So sorry your brother is homophobic. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much?"😮

[@dwaynechretien4584]

thank you for shedding light on a lot of topics that some of us are struggling with.

[@paulgoodshaw1636]

You were every good at communicating your message. I hope over time that people listening to your pod casting, will have a shift in their thinking and understand that each and everyone of us are different, in one way or another. We need to look at what we have in common rather than what we don't. Stay safe and keep up the. good work

[@sportiboye]

I like Jax and even though there's a hefty age difference between us, he exhibits a maturity and self-awareness that is quite unique. This kid's got a good mind, a big heart......and he is going places in life, even if he stays "on the farm" and keeps writing his thoughts down. How Jax excaped the self hate I grew up with is inspirational, a minor miracle.~thomas plagemann*san francisco, CA

[@davidbolt5113]

I’m all for Masc4Masc…. Nothing beats it.

[@poopoopeepee211]

personally I dont like masculine men at all. feminine men have a much more appealing personality to me, but hey different strokes for different folks

[@valhalla3566]

I've recently encountered this phenomenon where, since I "pass as straight", I've started attracting a lot of drag queens and transsexuals. I'm fine with them as friends and to chat with, but I'm not naturally attracted to them. But because of that, I've been labeled as "transphobic". It's been really frustrating, because now it feels like I have to walk in eggshells just to go out and be around people.

[@JamesMay-mn3lw]

I'm the same way. ... many years of being hidden. Hugs

[@jean-alexandre59]

The most important thing is to love yourself and to be happy with who you are. What you describe here is people who are insecure, and frankly, I feel very sad for them.

[@coltaine503]

Complex issue. One point I'd like to make is that these 'groups' or 'communities' are both afraid of being pushed to the margins by the existence of the other. Which is nonsense of course. But the amplification of identity politics has only buttressed every faction's take. Imo it tends to fracture than bridge. I'm a 72 years old and I hate to see the hate being lobbed from all sides.

[@realfood-life]

I'm so proud of you for addressing this! Nice job!! 👏

[@kevindigo22]

Great video...very articulate, well thought out, yeah...what can I say, I am impressed!!

[@lmlimpoism]

i sit in the middle. i love all kinds of girly things i also love to work out, and to engage in competition. yet i have a heightened sense of empathy that no "masculine man" could really give. i am truly human, as we all are. humanity is a special, nuanced thing.

[@jamesjames1364]

Everything about you, and your presentation, is impressive! Double Bravo to you!!

[@lonelydronerfl5184]

You seem well adjusted and at peace with who you are. Good for you. :)

[@rafaelorona1395]

I would encourage everyone not to care that much about masculinity or femininity beyond it being a descriptor. Some people get too pressed about it because of attraction, rejection and bitterness, dating stuff. The most important thing is to love yourself, be open to experience different things in life.

[@dakedres]

Thank you. It's so hard to find someone when you prefer masculinity but are so tired of that insecurity. You're like 30% cuter for your self confidence and peacemaking

[@SladeSanctuary]

What an amazing video! I really like the parallel between the both polarities being a bit too extreme in what they think. Thanks for deleting both sides equally!

[@yasspanda2559]

I'm just so tired of labels 😞 i have two friend groups who never interact with one another. I can pass (being in the closet is good practice), but I also like being with my rainbow and glitter friends. I love Drag Race! I love letting go of the restraints I put on myself when I'm around my bros.

[@Kai1028-ol2gt]

trust me bro u should not have to restrain urself infront of one of ur friend groups. just be urself around whoever it is. and if they cant accept u for being u infront of them then they are just toxic and not proper friends

[@johnlewis195]

Noone believes me that I'm Gay..I'm just me

[@43nostromo]

Brunch: It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal.

[@leebuckton3453]

We’re on the same page Jaks, lets get coffee ❤

[@OLDS98]

Well stated. Well thought out too. You put the facts out there and explained why. We put these barriers on the community and instead of pulling together we are hurting each other. People must let people live. People know what they like and what they desire to do. It is the outside influences and inside influences that create these barriers. These are real issues that are in the community that most people face. I subscribed today December, 2023.

[@magicmic-uf6ws]

thank you for addressing this and also beyond just that ✨️

[@ollylevesque3404]

It’s crazy to me that the younger generation is taking offense to men being attracted to men and if we aren’t a walking stereotype, WE are the problem, not them lol.

[@leeshepherd5669]

Who told you all that ?

[@s.yang.12]

I don't take offense if someone isn't attracted to me. I only take offense if they try to shame me for being feminine, imply that I'm less of a man than them, or reduce me to a stereotype. we can all respect each other regardless of who we're attracted to :)

[@TheEffulgentLotus]

The gross harm ‘Masculine’ men have caused others in the ‘Community’ is really what is offensive.

[@Eovar_Endre]

@@TheEffulgentLotus don't rule out media, both pop and underground, also porn. Read about that twinky dude who passes for not being of age. That sells (clicks). Disgusting but commercially understandable. Dude's gotta live, right or whatever.

[@Biserbalkanski]

​@s.yang.12 I got your back and you're cool chilling with me 😊 I know what you're saying and I ran into plenty of cool guys like that. and standing up for yourself is a turn on to me and I'm total butch 😂! stand your ground ❤! I don't expect most guys to do the things I like.

[@dereakcolumbus3603]

Love your progress in your self awareness. Itd be fun examining you personally (from a masters psychology student perspective)

[@rickfelsher9906]

I thoroughly enjoyed this video. I have subscribed. I want to view others by you. Thank You

[@timothyhoran9521]

I think that you should write a book. You're articulate and wise. Keep it up. Great job.

[@StefenTower]

Being naturally masculine but also being in touch with your feminine side sometimes, is hot, to me anyway. I feel like you're describing my attitude. If only I was 20 years younger. ;) Also, I've really been into gardening, so the farming thing has an appeal as well. I'll try to watch some other videos to get a better idea of what you do on the farm. Take care, handsome!

[@Alesae132]

The whole reason I’m attracted to men is because of masculinity. I have no interested in feminine men, girly men, or men who don’t behave like men are supposed to. Literally, my penis will not work. It’s how I’ve always been. There is nothing wrong with being feminine, but I am not personally attracted to anyone who is. Having preferences is perfectly fine and no one should be made to feel less than for having them.

[@TheEternalClown]

How are men supposed to behave? Who set these things in place? You think it's really so natural and incontrovertible?

[@davidpar2]

@@TheEternalClownit’s called human discernment, it’s been innately understood since the dawn of civilization, and the postmodern, “current thing” of pretending it doesn’t exist will never change it.

[@TheEternalClown]

@@davidpar2 Nature is more mutable and scattershot than you think, and great sexual diversity has existed in the past and still today (mostly retarded by negative conditioning and such). Aye, Pomo is wrong when it assumes things are entirely constructed, but usually I see a compatibilism between constructionism and essentialism. My points still stand. I don't see why I should believe that men are supposed to behave a certain way or that men inherently desire what we consider traditionally masculine for essential rather than very contingent reasons (e.g., scarcity and war exist so men will be pressured into adopting Flanderized 'manly' attitudes and bodies because they have greater upper body strength than women and don't bear children, so there is a materialistic need for gender conformity, and generally no need for gender non-conformity).

[@davidpar2]

@@TheEternalClownI’m not debating that men can display a wide array of manners and attributes. The world we all live in is a testament to that. I said that human discernment is what has always intrinsically explained what behaviors are “masculine” vs. those that are “feminine” (or “effeminate.”) It’s precisely why no “objective, absolute” definition of what it means to “be masculine” exists: Because it’s not needed.

[@TheEternalClown]

@@davidpar2 Yes, but he made the naive claim that men are 'supposed' to act a certain way when any characteristic he cites is not essential/present in all men and is also liable to change (e.g., further evolution, artificial selection, gene editing)

[@PlaidHiker]

i like being able to pass, just so I can shatter their perception of my heterosexuality. I love my virtuous masculine traits, but I am not afraid of my feminine traits.

[@gyulamoldvan]

The hardest part off being in that community is being accepted into. For new people to get in. But you just have too keep at it