Mastering Negotiation | Never Split The Difference

Chris Voss worked for twenty years in the FBI negotiating hostage situations. Over the years, he learned everything about human interaction to save lives and turned it into a system. Real-world negotiation is one of the hardest skills to learn because it’s unpredictable and complex, so you can’t follow a script. This is how negotiations were treated until Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman proved that humans are irrational. Humans suffer from cognitive bias, unconscious and irrational mental processes that distort our worldview. The more they studied this phenomenon, the more biases they discovered.
Kahneman compiled his findings in the book Thinking Fast and Slow where he recognizes two systems of thought. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional. System 2 is slow, deliberate, and logical. It’s worth pointing out that System 1 is the predominant one and as such, it even guides our rational thoughts. Successful negotiators try to affect the other person’s System 1 so that they can influence their System 2. You can’t solve hostage situations rationally because they involve people and people are emotional.
Everything in life involves negotiating. Everyone wants something from someone else and the interaction that happens requires negotiating. Your ability to negotiate influences every aspect of your life: career, finances, reputation, love life, and your kids’ future. All relationships lead to conflict, but you can get what you want without harming anyone.
Many people dislike negotiating, but you don’t have to intimidate others to be part of it. Negotiation is an inescapable emotional game we all must face at some point. Real hostage negotiators can’t split the difference with a criminal. They must win the emotional intelligence game.
Be A Mirror
Good negotiators know there will be surprises along the way, so they use their skills to reveal them as soon as possible. As you get new information, you can formulate new hypotheses. The more information you have, the more hypotheses you discard and the closer you get to the truth. The worst thing you can do is make assumptions or develop your conclusions because doing so leads to a flawed version of the situation.
Listening attentively is one of the most important skills you can put into practice when you negotiate. If you don’t, you risk engaging in selective listening, which means you hear what you want. Also, exposing ourselves to too much information easily overwhelms us and you can listen to the voice in your head rather than the other person.
Another common mistake negotiators often commit is going too fast. Building trust takes time. Also, you must keep the person busy instead of letting them do bad things. Whenever possible, use your Late Night, FM DJ Voice which the author describes as “the voice of calm and reason”. The Late Night, FM DJ Voice involves talking slowly and clearly. It implicitly sends the message you’re in control of the situation. You don’t offer alternatives and you don’t invite a response.
Next, you should mirror what the other person is saying. Mirroring is imitation. When we copy someone, we comfort them because it implies bonding and establishing trust. Humans fear what’s different, but are attracted to what’s similar. While mirroring can involve body language, negotiations mirror only words.
Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It
In tense situations, the best advice is to avoid getting emotional. When someone gets emotional, you can’t approach the situation rationally anymore. Good negotiators label emotions and use them as a tool. The key is to listen more and talk less. Once you notice someone’s emotions, you can use them to your advantage. In other words, you must express empathy. This involves seeing the situation from the other party’s perspective and vocalizing that recognition.
Labeling, on the other hand, involves spotting someone’s feelings and turning them into words. This creates intimacy and reduces the tension. Labeling emotions moves the negotiation to the rational thinking realm and disrupts it. To label emotions, use phrases like “It seems like…” or “It looks like…” Never start with “I” because it signals you’re only interested in yourself.
Labeling is a tactic, but how you deploy it determines your success or lack thereof. People’s emotions can be divided into two: the “presenting” feeling is everything you see and hear and the “underlying” feeling is the true reason behind the behavior. Good negotiators label the underlying emotions.
Alternatively, the author uses what’s known as the accusation audit where he lists everything the counterpart could say about him. As you do this, you label their fears and ask for input. In other words, you start with all the negative parts which puts both parties in a safe zone of empathy. After all, all humans want is to connect and be understood.

[@Cheima-by7nk]

الموسيقى حرام وستبقى حرام

[@Cheima-by7nk]

تصوير ذوات الأرواح من بني آدم، أو من البهائم، أو الطيور، لا يجوز؛ لقول النبي ﷺ: أشد الناس عذابًا يوم القيامة المصورون ولقوله عليه الصلاة والسلام: إن أصحاب هذه الصور يعذبون يوم القيامة، ويقال لهم: أحيوا ما خلقتم ولما ثبت عنه عليه الصلاة والسلام من حديث أبي جحيفة  قال: لعن رسول الله ﷺ آكل الربا، وموكله، والواشمة، والمستوشمة، ولعن المصور رواه البخاري في صحيحه.

[@PsychInsight-tu7eb]

هناك إله واحد أرسل ابنه المسيح، فمن الأفضل أن تلتقط نسخة من الكتاب المقدس وتقرأها.