Please Stop Calling Us

Tom set up a helpline for those affected by that face from that video. More people rang up than expected.
MATT: / mattgrayyes | TOM: / tomscottgo | The spreadsheet: goo.gl/HXyPUM

[@mattandtom]

To be fair, you're not actually able to call us any more. But still, please, stop. -- Tom

[@MichaelJenkins910]

. . . it's a little odd to see two grizzled veterans of the internet like Matt and Tom implore the tubez to cease and desist in the actual hopes that they will do anything other than the exact opposite.

[@TheBOB235]

*ring ring* :)

[@AceSkates]

Matt and Tom shoulda made it an 09 number

[@griffin3607]

wing wing

[@PhriendsySweetDreams]

So why post this video?

[@amyshaw893]

you really should have rickrolled people

[@huhulili9021]

Matthew Shaw hah, jokes on you, "Never gonna give you up" is a good song

[@cuaroz5808]

No, he should have Poguerolled them.

[@sinom]

Huhu Lili I hate people who say that and mean it.

[@gaelansteele9224]

He mentioned in the comments of the original that he was considering just putting up a recording of him singing Never Gonna Give You Up.

[@mattandtom]

Honestly thought about it, but it turns out that's something I'd need a license for -- even if it was just me singing it! -- Tom

[@knightshousegames]

So basically, that one slowmo clip has cost you about 30 quid so far? I'd say thats adequate punishment

[@TheMagnay]

knightshousegames but the question is, was it worth it

[@Izandaia]

Well, 20 of it was free, so only about 10 pounds.

[@BanterEdits]

13 Dollars

[@grandadie]

Not accounting for the well deserved ad avenue that that beautiful clip has made!

[@knightshousegames]

Ad Revenue? What do you think this is, 2012?

[@teslatrooper]

Australia can be honorary europeans, they went to eurovision after all.

[@unflexian]

So is israel, We're practically European in everything but geography and name already.

[@science-recon7392]

I honestly think that that's why Matt thought it was European.

[@marcusalm7350]

They have wine, sheep and the Britts went there with weapons.... I'd say they count as Europeans.

[@daemonCaptrix]

Australia is a preview of what happens when the United States becomes European.

[@procactus9109]

But its full of Asians.

[@edwardallen3062]

If only they could invent a device to hold a microphone.

[@heather19515]

Edward Allen chopsticks

[@aoarashi3025]

I was wondering why Matt was holding what appears to be a feather duster.

[@Omar_ayach]

The technology is just not there!

[@zyaicob]

It's called a hand

[@francesatty7022]

His name is Matt

[@alcesmir]

Share the spreadsheet, dammit! Spreadsheets for the people!

[@Twitchi]

we need the data

[@wolframstahl1263]

I hereby nominate you as mayor of this comment section. I trust you can reliably represent the will of the people!

[@BauernbuebCH]

Alcesmire Yes. Please. I need to have that data!

[@halimceria]

damn right. we need it so that we can make a graph. a beautiful one!

[@JossieMimo]

SPREADSHEET!

[@inflinirator]

I think I rang three times in total. Once was because I was pretending to be on the phone to look busy. So thank you.

[@JamesWeetman]

Shout out to the only South African who called, thanks for representing us, thank for paying international roaming fees

[@JimCullen]

David Hasselhof's Hassle Hurdle sounds like the answer to one of the prizes people win at the end of Citation Needed.

[@TheBluMeeny]

Jim Cullen Yes, let this be a prize next season.

[@TheAlps36]

You have won an inconvenient decathlon event run by a former star of the show "Baywatch"

[@An_excellent_YouTube_account]

Adrian Pietkiewicz and then Matt starts laughing because he knows what's coming next.

[@saulmcshane7090]

7:12 Tom: "Matt, those are the countries that we got calls from!" Matt: "Woah!" Tom: "Yes!" Matt: "Anonymous!"

[@TheMrmilkyway]

Woah

[@motherlyduck152]

Yes!

[@another_alex8738]

Woah!

[@westcheap]

Woah!

[@abike5395]

Yes!

[@oliverward3355]

I'm sorry for ringing the help line for support for seeing that image from that video.

[@oliverward3355]

Sicarine yes I really called THAT number, from THAT support line for THAT image from THAT video

[@KingTaltia]

I'm sad that I missed the chance to call THAT number, from THAT support line, for THAT image, from THAT video...

[@oliverward3355]

lightningbro I'm sorry you couldn't call THAT number, from THAT support line for THAT image from THAT video

[@NoName-qi5ck]

lightningbro I am also very sad I didn't get to call THAT number, from THAT support line, for THAT image, from THAT video. :,(

[@frankwong]

Me too, but 5 other people called from my country, so...

[@Ahead144]

Tom ranting about telephone numbering and international dialing codes is something I would honestly watch.

[@LieseFury]

Yeah ever since his rant about crore and lakh on Numberphile I've been wanting him to rant about everything.

[@Rory_Shade]

I'd enjoy him talking even just about the North American Numbering Plan, which is what the whole +1 for everyone in North America and the Caribbean was about. Although, the one about primarily British numbers was fascinating.

[@matthewbowers88]

Psssst Tom and Matt, I don't think you've realised yet... you're famous. Your influence is significant. You say there is no such things as youtube fame. I believe there is, but it's only a recent change.

[@elv3a424]

Yeah. Just look at 3:18

[@JonatasAdoM]

Exactly, he doesn't want to use the word influencer but that's what he does. He might not mention it but that doesn't change what he does.

[@JohnSmithShields]

The Tom Scott effect.

[@astradeia]

Give an award to the guys who came to the window, looked in, waved, and walked away. Accidental comedy gold!

[@RicardoDelfinGarcia]

ame I've walked by there but haven't seen them dammit!

[@really-quite-exhausted]

ame Oh hello fancy seeing you here :)

[@fakjbf3129]

From now on Tom, whenever you think a certain number of viewers are going to do something make sure raise it by an order of magnitude and then see if it's still worth it.

[@matthewmartin7639]

"such a disappointing success" that has to be one of the best things I've ever heard.

[@yaygya]

"I've won, but at what cost?"

[@vel0city96]

Honestly guys, this is the internet. What did you expect?

[@alexandreboth1001]

There is a Brazilian saying: The witchcraft turned against the witch

[@SimonS44]

Vel0city is that a Hondekop in your profile pic. Is this in Hoek van Holland by coincidence.

[@vel0city96]

Yep :), also yep, on the day the line was ceremonially shut down. I took that pic on the very top of the platform as it rolled in, it later took me and other train nerds back to Rotterdam and then Amsterdam.

[@NoName-qi5ck]

Vel0city Amen to that

[@OrigamiMarie]

Vel0city Probably thought the audience is a bit more passive, just watching the videos and not likely to do real world things in response to them. Of course, the speed with which the Tech Diff tickets sell out should maybe have provided a clue, but Tom is also apparently genuinely too modest for that to have sunk in quite yet :-)

[@iconi1355]

the joke at 10:39 is a reference to a drama show on bbc form 1962-1971. Either Tom is just really good at masking his age or he has some seriously weird preferences in entertainment.

[@myladycasagrande863]

I am not remotely surprised by Tom have weird entertainment preferences, or at least widely varied knowledge of obscure subjects.

[@beth12svist]

That now made me look it up, find out on Wikipedia that it was based on a book by A.J.Cronin, and find out on Wikipedia that "his best-known novel is The Citadel" and go "that can't be right, I know the name from something else". Turns out his best-known novel _in English_ may be The Citadel, but in Czechia it's The Keys of the Kingdom. Not that I've read either, but I've spent many a stay at my grandma's looking at that one in one of her bookcases. :D And came across it in other bookcases and maybe libraries, too. This whole pointless meandering story is shared with the intention of showing that you can never know how someone of a certain age came by an obscure reference. I'm younger than Tom.

[@bengodfrey70]

"Hi I'm Matt" "And I'm Tom" "And this is Countryfile"

[@ellaisplotting]

I honestly expect them to say that, every time. It's just the particular soothing setup and cadence

[@RainaRamsay]

10:01 the thing about this channel is that its audience consists entirely of people who are not only willing, but _genuinely interested in_ listening to you to ramble for 10-20 minutes on a park bench. People only watch these videos if they have _exactly_ the same taste as you in terms of jokes, what's interesting, etc. It's the only explanation for this channel working: we like the same things you like. And we _know_ we like the same things you like, because we've been watching you do this for more than a year. So if you say, "Hey this thing is interesting; check it out", or "Here's a funny thing", _we are going to check it out_. Because if you think it's interesting enough to mention, I will almost certainly think it's interesting; if you think it's funny enough to set up an actual phone number, I will almost certainly think it's funny enough to call. So yeah, your audience is "small" as influencers go, but I would guess your click-through rates are through the roof.

[@gazelle1467]

Is there a number to call for people affected by that message from that number from that video about that image from that video?

[@AveryChow]

Yes, +1800-121-NO12

[@AveryChow]

And that better not be a real number...

[@atozed932]

Yes. It’s 020 7946 0441.

[@EdwardMason9000]

Benjamin Pattison FAKE!

[@amyclarke6176]

Benjamin Pattison why is that almost identical to a call i get from my old office by default. Long story but it looks identical with the exception of the order of the last 4. It maybe coincidence also i have the energy to comment but not to fully check -I’m just commenting based on what I remember the number to be. Ok ramble over. It’s far to late for me to be making sensible comments goodbye.

[@dorithegreat6155]

I love how Tom constantly underestimates how much his fans love him

[@ProudToBeNoob]

On this episode of the park bench: Tom underestimates things again and again and again.

[@soranuareane]

Matt and Tom: Straighter than one would expect.

[@Kazavop]

I don't get it

[@myleslos9658]

@@Kazavop its okay honey boo boo

[@DespOIcito]

No need to be so patronising just because you understood it and they didn’t

[@BrightyLighty_]

I'm not sure which implication of this joke is weirder: the implication that the expectation of Matt and Tom is that they are not straight, or the logistics of how a non-binary person could be "straighter than you'd expect".

[@recklessroges]

Now we need a help-line for those of us that _didn't_ call the help-line for *that* image in *that* video. #feelingLeftOut

[@TMWriting]

It must feel really cool to be the only person from Uruguay who called and know that it's you on the spreadsheet.

[@thehairyfifaplayer8836]

We need a support line for those coming to terms with the fact there is no longer a support line.

[@nitehawk86]

Today I learned that Tom is straighter than one would expect.

[@oliverwest7780]

nitehawk86 how so

[@oliverwest7780]

nitehawk86 just saw it

[@terimarymags]

nitehawk86 What do you mean?

[@user-hb4pn8oo8z]

Psymon Psyduck whaaat?

[@sion8]

And now I get it.

[@thornfalk]

You guys are a national treasure.

[@wolframstahl1263]

international treasure, please!

[@leem4386]

universal treasure, please!

[@terimarymags]

Multiversal treasure

[@yakovgolyadkin]

What I gathered from Matt's rundown: "Tom is straighter than one would expect."

[@GabZonY]

Tom Scott: Straighter than one would expect.

[@leapoffaith20]

"That just sort of petered out there, didn't it?" "Who's Peter?" Tom, how you have not slapped that man is beyond me.

[@Flaruwu]

But how else am I meant to stalk you when twitter goes down?

[@terimarymags]

Kenneth hmm...

[@bartz0rt928]

Trench coat and binoculars, like a normal person.

[@michaelbagley497]

Bart Stikkers B/c stalking someone is what normal people do. ;)

[@fuyerwolf3117]

Hi

[@aoarashi3025]

Don't forget your newspaper!

[@UnitSe7en]

10:04 Tom, there's a distinction between being "influencers" and being "influential", or, just "popular". :)

[@Mousy677]

the helpline message is usually along the lines of "if you've been affected by [character]'s story, please call the number on screen", which I always think is a bit odd, given how specific [character]'s story usually is.

[@c4sper123]

Waluigi.jpg

[@Tahgtahv]

I think they mean if you've been traumatized by knowing their story, not if you've been in a similar situation. How is that odd?

[@Mousy677]

Tahgtahv see I always interpreted it as being "similar situation" but your comment makes WAY more sense

[@hazzardalsohazzard2624]

Ollie Embourne I remember a character having dyslexia and there was a number at the end, in this case, I'm assuming it was for dyslexics who didn't know they were dyslexic.

[@gcewing]

"If you think you may be dyslexic, please call [phone]."

[@daleykun]

I'd also really like to see more park benches with other academics etc on. I really enjoyed the one with Irving.

[@sion8]

*+*

[@terimarymags]

_+_

[@FENomadtrooper]

+

[@MacGuyver85]

Hell yes. Sent me on a binge of more KZbin clips of that man. I can recommend his Noah's Ark one. Brilliant. More of those please.

[@klausically]

7:14 ah yes my favourite country 'Anonymous'

[@PlasmaHH]

"This is the tale of why I am never doing that again" ... there are remarkably many of such tales from tom... almost as if he is never going to learn....

[@AaronRenner]

I miss the park bench! I’ve been re-watching them all.

[@Huntracony]

My guess for the top 3 (non British) European countries that called: 1: The Netherlands 2: Sweden 3: Germany

[@Huntracony]

Spoiler: I can't believe I actually got them right (with Sweden and Germany switched).

[@bananya6020]

@@Huntracony congratumalationisms

[@qwart22]

bananya I agree

[@gwenynorisu6883]

I've been traumatised by your replaying of that clip and photo in this video, even though I didn't see the original one. Who do I call now, if not yourselves?

[@katedoes...9783]

I didn't even try. I thought it was one of those fake OFCOM numbers.

[@LesKing72]

I didn't want to pay international calling

[@Frapsity]

One of the top comments on that video is a script of the easter egg.

[@katedoes...9783]

Frapsity Not when I watched it...

[@Frapsity]

Ah okay, not everyone reads the comments and if that was the case I was going to laugh at you. :P

[@stupendouspineapple]

I like how that one guy in the purple shirt walks past at around 4:00 and then walks back the other way to get another look.

[@paramost]

I paid like 30 cents myself to hear an apology for that image from that video

[@NFSHeld]

If Tom ever wants to go undercover, he just needs to change his shirt for a blue one.

[@brycegritter1861]

Matt and Tom slowly realizing they're more famous than they thought...

[@UCkU0SrpEeCdPX-2cBVndj7g]

Anyone who can teach us something -> epic foreshadowing for Tom Scott Plus

[@derkateramabend]

Matt and Tom, I genuinely would be honored to teach you rowing, in my home rowing club in Lucerne: Seeclub Luzern. The club's eights crew was Swiss Champion in the Men's Eights in 2015, and one of our club members, Mario Gyr, won a gold medal in the Olympic Summer Games of Rio 2016 in the Lightweight Men's Four. I'll maybe send you an e-mail. Best regards from Lucerne!

[@catfish552]

Tom, for a good paper plane, search for "Nakamura lock"! There are a few variations on the exact design, but it's a good one. And I'm glad I called the number while it was up, it was fun.

[@nlsdg]

Looking forward to that rant on phonenumbers. :)

[@achillendimond2124]

Tom’s life is really just a running series of him doing something because he though it would be funny, realizing that it would be expensive or complicated to continue doing the thing, and then he stops doing the thing. This number, Emojli, Mad Cap Tom...

[@trymetal95]

you really have a talent for finding seemingly simple stuff to do that turns into a hell of a lot of work, Tom. Emoji-messenger, running for parliment, running for that position you held at uni, and now this.

[@beth12svist]

I think the reason is a combination of a devil-may-care mind and a deep sense of responsibility, two things that often don't go together. :D

[@sethmitchell2176]

Someone unrelated to this program should make a series like breaking the news, but instead of breaking the news it's pressing the bench, and they have to track down what benches you're going to do your show at and photobomb you from the background.

[@asw853]

Seth Mitchell YES.

[@TheDarrellimpey]

Matt & Tom, "straighter than one would expect"...

[@sambugbrown]

This video really makes me want Matt and Tom to guest host GMM at some point.

[@legendhero-eu1lc]

Thank you for the video! All of you friends are super awesome! Oh, moments with this video are so sad.

[@FennecTECH]

Oh god Now the animated thumbnail has "THIS IMAGE, FROM THIS VIDEO"

[@TheMorpheus3000]

We also learned about the "country code" +1 and that there's going to be a video on that, which I eagerly look forward to!

[@curiousfirely]

I LOVE the idea of having people in to teach you things!

[@KittenisKitten]

I love you guys, thank you for this, put a huge smile on my face. :)

[@CharlRae]

I was dying watching everyone walk past looking at you. Surely if you walked down that street before you know what’s there but EVERYONE was looking at you like they never seen someone filming 😂😂

[@pietvanvliet1987]

"UK...US...Australia...Netherlands..." *Proud smile.

[@HenrikoMagnifico]

Matt is so awesome we need more of him

[@rollingtroll]

Netherlands! Proud fellow Dutchies found you guys!

[@daaishifeeling]

god dammit i literally rewatched that video yesterday and i was gonna call but then i was like nah that cant be a real number so I didn't and then i got this notification

[@KingTaltia]

"Straighter than one would expect" ... "Who's Peter?" That... that joke.... was too good...

[@therese294776]

STRAYAAAAAAA!!!!! ...I feel such a sense of fulfillment at having contributed, in my small personal capacity, to the data on that spreadsheet :D

[@ellismiddleton7125]

Rewatching all the great Park bench videos, and I love Matts Enter Shakari shirt!

[@ExpressHere]

As of right now, that video has something like 100,000 views. If 3,000 people called, that means that about 3% of viewers dialed in. I would really expect that percentage to be higher...

[@NyanLama459]

Coming up on 100 episodes of the park bench. Proud to say so far I have watched them all. Is there anything special planned like a guest/Livestream/Q&A?

[@RickyMaveety]

Viewer from the US here ... I'm constantly showing friends "Park Bench" and "Citation Needed" because they are brilliant. KZbin needs more of what you produce.

[@bradleywalden1073]

"straighter than one might expect"

[@adammullarkey4996]

9:35 Just because the UK isn't part of the EU anymore, that doesn't stop it being part of Europe.

[@varana]

They're still in the EU, though, figuring out how leaving is done. They covered the UK and the US already, so the question "what's the top three European countries" makes sense in context - they're talking about the rest. And third, I wouldn't be surprised by British people talking about "Europe" as something else than "the UK".

[@SorenMortensenn]

varana312 Yeah - in the UK, when we say "Europe" we generally aren't including the UK in that

[@rjfaber1991]

+Søren Mortensen - or Ireland... As far as I can tell, in British usage, "Europe" and "Continental Europe" are mostly synonymous.

[@adammullarkey4996]

Not that way I'm used to. To me, "Continental Europe" is mostly western Europe (France, Spain, Germany, Italy, and the smaller countries in between), while "Europe" includes both continental Europe, as well as eastern Europe, Scandinavia, the UK and Ireland. But maybe that's just me. And my family and friends. And everyone else I've ever met. Except you guys.

[@MegaPhester]

do a country code/phone number system explanation video in the style of Tom's computerphile timezones and localization videos!

[@Sam-hi4ce]

tom scott: straighter than one would expect

[@hebl47]

I want Matt to summarize everything I do or watch in my life!

[@TwitcheAY]

so your saying I cannot get help any more for my problem from that picture, from this video?

[@NoName-qi5ck]

james williams Sorry, just bring it up in your next therapy session.

[@computersguy13]

I feel like a rant on phone number parsing could go along well with your ones on language and time zones.

[@qwertyTRiG]

I remember Dr Finley's Casebook on BBC Radio 4 Extra. Charming little show.

[@noobtube6909]

Your welcome greatings from the Netherlands

[@thom2967]

I've always been impressed by Tom's extended knowledge of different low level coding languages (Even if he has admitted in the past of bodging here and there), but I'm a bit taken aback by his comment on prefixes in Excel. I did something very similar not too long ago and easily weeded out what I needed to with a few custom functions using left(), len() and find() (and a few others) - I can't say I ran into much of an issue, care to clarify Tom? :P

[@JimCullen]

Could the phone number video be in the same format as the coding time zones one?

[@andrewmarkham]

Good idea

[@MerthanE]

Top comment please

[@NathanTAK]

I need this.

[@publiusii4246]

Tom Scott straighter than one would expect

[@thatchris1626]

the gormless looks of people faces as they walk past is even more entertaining

[@barryscott9590]

Why do I feel like Tom kept going on about how good Twilio is in order to pay off his debt.

[@dhyskRand]

I'm still trying to figure out why I watch the bench.. yet here I am!?

[@sion8]

Hey, me too!

[@dmaster254]

Oh what the heck, I know it's a long shot and I haven't got the best camera voice, but I've been binge watching you guys for a long time and love it. IF you want to learn some random sign language and American Deaf Culture tidbits there's plenty of park benches here in Florida and I would have no problem teaching you something about that. Either that or if you find wrangling with the ever-changing American tax code to be interesting. You guys keep the great videos coming. Looking forward to more videos!

[@TheRealInscrutable]

It's like your in The Truman Show. Some of the people walking by outside keep coming back by. The same people over and over - and not left to right and then right to left (although some are) but others are just going around the building and going past the same way each time.

[@matthewtrott]

Can you provide a link to the spreadsheet. Also you are clearly influencers after the ear plug recommendation video.

[@recklessroges]

Link is in the description

[@silverdarlin]

Personally, I would of just found the number for the TARDIS from Doctor Who. Then the Internet thinks that you live in the TARDIS

[@mattandtom]

That's also one of the Ofcom drama numbers! It'll never connect :) -- Tom

[@silverdarlin]

Matt and Tom My entire existence is a lie... Next thing you're gonna tell me the Teletubbies aren't real...

[@columbus8myhw]

A drama nama?

[@buddyclem7328]

According to The Doctor, that number is going to be long distance. "Wait until you get the bill!" -Christopher Eccleston in The End of the World.

[@sam0fc325]

*Would have

[@nanoqht285]

This is my 7th time watching this. I just keep clicking it whenever it comes into my recommendations...

[@GypsyHunter232UK]

U both make a lovely couple..stay happy

[@mexicaantj]

i am more than willing to teach you something about what i've learned in my years alive

[@DM-ig1fb]

I guessed correctly!!! I'm over the moon - I actually yelled and punched the air. Yes I'm sad.

[@juhailmarisalminen]

Don't be sad

[@ChristianAkacro]

I am inordinately excited about the phone number system rant Tom.

[@isortofyoutube]

I'm glad I'm one of those people. I'm a sucker for easter eggs and I still call numbers on TV shows/films in case it is one. Love attention to detail!

[@AceSkates]

Should've made it an 09 number

[@mama9048]

Theres a new number i found out 03334431810.

[@RazzlePhoxx]

I'd be interested in a "Matt and Tom learn ..." video format

[@lesleyallan1937]

RazzlePhoxx similar to Mike Boyd?

[@CoffeeOnRails]

Well worth the call.

[@WryAun]

Definitely want to hear the rants!