Matteo Lane - Gay VS Straight Dating

[@BuiHieuDong]

"Be alone at night in a park, and stare at him directly in the eye." This line sounds like what a feature that a horror movie would include into their movie.

[@ah2522]

literally me last night

[@en9719]

Movie trailer voice: This summer, you won't expect it coming, but it'll come to you. GAYS

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

@@en9719 "This summer, you won't expect it coming, but it'll come on you. GAYS IN THE PARK"

[@nathanjs4207]

Who among us does not recall a memory of literally doing that at a park at night?

[@CarlosSDCA]

That's what I used to think as an ultra closeted gay with homophobic parents. I thought that meeting a another guy would end up with murder. I wasted so many years. I started going to the park, bar and later blind dates off the internet/apps and I am still alive and happy.

[@lyphishart]

"if you know how to use a semicolon, get in this colon." - Matteo Lane

[@thomthom6268]

I got printed in The Washington Post using semicolons... correctly. Matteo: I can use colons correctly, also.

[@RehabProjectSRCB]

HA just gave you your 666th like

[@johnrobinson4445]

There are exactly 666 likes on this comment and I just can't ruin that.

[@hypehuman]

see-my-colon

[@Black_Caucus]

That was my favorite line of this bit. Semen-colon.

[@MrVidau]

"he's in med school" I'm wheezing. Matteo is a genius.

[@madworld.]

😁😁😁😁

[@karinak09]

“He’s in med school” 💀💀💀💀

[@sandratcunha]

LOLOL

[@gayvideos3808]

"I'll be back in 10 you guys" didn't get nearly a big enough laugh

[@sugarbeef]

Had me picturing some guy at the other end of the bar doing charades to mime being in med school.

[@kaywoolsey3722]

Not only great looking, but his humor is off the charts......glad to see a Mateo doing so well!!!

[@illeaglememes9176]

He’s absolutely right about the eye contact thing. I’m really socially awkward so I have weird things with eye contact. And apparently my go to polite eye contact etiquette is a spot on reciprocal gay eye contact. Even though I’m straight. So I’ve made a few gay friends that way.

[@godlessfornicater]

Omg!! This is so funny.

[@solidagold115]

What do you do exactly? I am gay and I don't think I got it down 😵

[@illeaglememes9176]

@@solidagold115 OK so apparently, what you want to do is - if you’re sitting across the bar from someone and they’re making eye contact with you, you make eye contact back and then smile a little bit and immediately look away. And then look back at them to see if they’re still looking at you and if they are do the exact same smile, but nod a little bit this time and immediately look away again. This one guy was like “but you nodded and everything!” 😂

[@AutumnTehKitty]

@@illeaglememes9176 *starts taking notes*

[@solidagold115]

@@illeaglememes9176 😂😂 I would be confused as well if you looked at me like that 😂

[@AndrewBarsky]

“If you know how to use a semicolon, get in this colon.” That is both the “gayest” and most hilarious thing I’ve heard all day! This guy is going places 😂

[@slappymcslapster8845]

That's the joke I did not care for. Gross. Some things are too much. He is hilarious though

[@someidiotfromover7yearsago]

Idve gone even further and said "if you know how to use a semicolon, you can park your semi in this colon"

[@tsherwood2112]

​@@slappymcslapster8845 if a straight man made a joke about getting laid, you wouldn't bat an eye. You're just homophobic

[@dominichayden-dade]

​@@slappymcslapster8845lol sounds like it made an impact on you tho😂😂😂

[@m0L3ify]

I think this perfectly explains why pickup artistry doesn't work on women. Because that's how men hit on other men! 😂

[@alexbuenosdias]

Explains Andrew tates methods

[@qorinhaq9294]

aaah

[@Snake-snek]

How would you describe this artistry looks like in action?

[@thereality3398]

As a straight guy I agree , that's how i pick cute homies

[@DellDreamer]

​@@thereality3398Are you sure you are straight? 😊

[@BartimaeusTrilogyFan]

The eye contact thing always makes me sad. When I was younger, I gravitated towards being more friendly, making eye contact, etc. Eventually this led to what you'd expect, men hitting on me, following me, etc. Initially I thought okay well, I LIKE that I'm friendly, I LIKE that I put people at ease, I won't compromise that for myself just because some guys are creeps. Buuuut gradually I did just that. Now when I go out I avoid direct eye contact as a rule, and like magic, those things stopped happening. But it makes me sad.

[@erinshort1384]

SAME. I used to be such a sweetheart.

[@fieldy409]

Well I'm always gonna ask out people who are nice to me. Because I know not everyone nice likes me but everyone who likes me is gonna be nice, so it's a good clue. But then If I get a no I go back to normal and never ask again but maybe half the chicks I ask will just stop engaging with me the same from then on. Which I can't realistically do anything about because I can't die alone by not asking women out.

[@mai_komagata]

@@fieldy409 maybe we need to bring victorian etiquette or fan codes or some non-ambiguous way of signaling interest and intent so people can be friendly and nobody is rejected unnecessarily.

[@octavioavila6548]

You pay a huge price for dimming your personality in this way. The harassment you get is worth keeping your personality in its most expressive and authentic form.

[@CorvoFG]

Do lesbian dating next. How they’ve adopted 13 cats, got a joint checking account and are looking for a house by the end of the second date.

[@raffa4456]

Before they meet the first time 🙃

[@nicktw586]

You know the trope, so why should Matteo recycle it? He's a gay man, not a lesbian. The Venn diagram of gay men and lesbians barely touches.

[@JawsoneJason]

Yeah, let's leave the lesbian jokes to the lesbians.

[@josephdavis4201]

Hahahahaha

[@DarkAurora2002]

Lesbians keep u-haul in business

[@cee_ves]

I love matteo lane so much; his jokes are always so original and make me laugh so much Edit : I am aware that I appear to have forgotten to include a period. I apologise to the elder gays, and am revoking my grindr privileges and moving to a catholic village as we speak. No longer will any gay have to suffer my incompetence. Farewell, friends.

[@Yvuyctxtxtx]

PERIOD.

[@ghomerhust]

and his delivery is soooo smooth. he is a riot

[@davidgalland3070]

hope you get that Italian sausage, son.

[@Mirrtamirrv]

Good semicolon placement but you missed the comma. NEXT

[@rilleygriffin]

that edit made me wheeze

[@maryannejcarey5876]

the storytelling is always so accurate!!

[@TheJoshSouthy]

One of the most hilarious specials i've ever seen

[@Egalia_1]

"Why can't I get myself a nice trad wife?" - Joe, 33, unemployed for the last 3 years. Diet consists of junk food and red meat only. Does not know what water tastes like. Probably has at least 2-3 misdemeanors. Definitely don't envy y'all, you've got it rough.

[@galarstar052]

i wouldn't say the first thing but i feel kinda called out that most of those descriptors apply to me lol.

[@ELeeHamm]

And has never washed his hands or properly wiped his ass.

[@Chris-ut6eq]

He knows that water tastes like beer, specially bud light.

[@cattysplat]

There are plenty of guys just like that or worse, married with multiple kids, maybe even multiple marriages.

[@brutusthebear9050]

This is why sometimes I wish I was gay. That's how I know sexuality isn't a choice.

[@MizrahiChick]

ME TOO !! SERIOUSLY !!

[@tengonadacluewhatsgutsprec1419]

​@@Rakx10lmao ive never met a straight guy who wouldnt give up the craziness of women to get down with the boys if only they could, met plenty of closeted guys who wouldnt dare even think about being homosexual though...

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

Dude, I think it’s a pity there aren’t therapies that work to change people’s sexuality. Imagine if we could all choose? And if we could change it across our lifespan? And if homophobia wasn’t a factor in making those choices? I think many people would choose to become gays or lesbians or pansexuals 😂😂

[@thebadgerette69]

I can be so depressed and listen to this guy, instantly happier. Love him ❤️

[@TreversYouTubeChannel]

Special was fantastic, and loving all your podcast guest spots 🙌

[@Lolsauce117]

I wish I could give Matteo a big hug... his clips never miss!

[@leonply]

This was hilarious. Matteo looks as if he's in a Castro Street bar (the Elephant Walk or the Midnight Sun, maybe?), in the middle of the 1970s, moustache and all, getting ready for the weekly adventure of a lifetime. Only thing missing? The All American Boy t-shirt. Thanks for posting!

[@thomasconnors6755]

Mr. Matteo not only are you funny but you’re so beautiful thank you for all the laughter

[@baktash]

Matteo is one of those people that you always wanted to have as a friend in your life!

[@nazmilao]

I almost crushed myself with weights at the gym coz i went weak at “if he uses a semicolon, get in this colon” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@justingraves1291]

Bwahahaha "if you know how to use a semi-colon get in this colon" 🤣🤣 I'm straight as an arrow but damn that has me second guessing

[@tassiodrigues]

Sometimes confidence and attitude can be very attractive lmao

[@Randomdudefromtheinternet]

Ever heard of the archer's paradox?

[@justingraves1291]

@@Randomdudefromtheinternet like Sterling Dutchess? 😂

[@Katerwaller12]

↩️🔄🔀 - lotta arrows fam

[@heathermetz6576]

2:17 "I'll be back in ten you guys!"

[@Kat17_17]

I absolutely adore this guy! Guaranteed laughs every single effing time! I’d love to see him in person!

[@IanCasocot]

This man needs a Netflix special

[@magiccec]

I think that humor can contain a high level of sociological analysis... Intelligent, sensitive and extremely funny ❤️

[@Vinay-j8v]

1.✨Aesthetic✨💟 2.✨Beautiful✨ 3.✨Fun✨ 4.✨Cute✨💟

[@pyuraii]

"i read this article; it was on buzzfeed, so it wasn't real"

[@cyberwriter21]

0:10 Bob, what are you doing here ?? Hahaha

[@auspicioustoot]

Matteo is one of the best comedians ever 😂

[@tubingforever]

"If you know how to use a semi colon - get in this colon". Lol'd so hard!

[@XDSDDLord]

Man, the semi-colon is one of my favorite tools in the grammar toolbox; it allows you to complete a thought without turning it into a run-on sentence. Now that I know that is all it takes to get laid, I can add it to any future bio I probably won't make because I don't trust those apps, and given the state of our society, I don't trust my using them to not be used against me in the future. I also wish I knew how much of this was even remotely close to reality. I also don't have any stereotypical gay friends, they are all engineers, mathematicians, scientists, and journalists, not the kinds of people who go to gay bars and parties, and most are not really part of the whole LGBT movement. The point is I know very little about gay culture or straight culture, but ask me about a geographic culture or any of two dozen nationalities, and prepare to be bored to tears.

[@samrousculp4306]

“Do you have friends?” Lmfaooooo

[@randomninja83]

I spat my coffee on the semicolon joke 🤣

[@camillemayers103]

"He is in Med School." 😂👏👏👏

[@jansix4287]

Those gays have it too good, I’m jealous. 😩

[@barbloft]

My new favorite comic! Impeccable timing!!

[@jkwellness1639]

My mom's a lawyer she would ask me their name to look them up for my safety. Me "Uh it was....fuck." "Wait you didn't even know their name?!" "HE DIDNT HAVE IT IN HIS PROFILE!"

[@TheNarutoUzumaki07]

It’s been said countless times on your videos but thank you for giving a straight man an exclusive glimpse into gay lifestyle

[@hustler212]

"Life style" Correction : life

[@mariusa.5863]

No, I am gay myself and thankfully this is neither my life nor my life style. And I doubt I am the only gay guy out there who doesn’t do hook-ups and lives monogamous, even though I assume I‘m part of a minority within a minority.

[@Mdjagg]

If gays had a recruiting center like the military, Mateo would write their elevator pitch!

[@saar144]

The guy from across the room didn’t say he’s “in med school”, he said “I’m a top”

[@Aerodumb]

I'm in the closet, but there's a gay trainer in my gym and all I needed was a movement with my eyebrows and a "i love your tatoos, i like owls too" to let him know

[@sushiantirani2904]

Why did I not know about him earlier???? He is such a mood booster...

[@karveltoranzo9265]

"Be alone at night in a park" looking for a guy? I do it all the time lol

[@fang609]

The eye contact thing was apsolutly gold hahahaha

[@davewebster5120]

"I don't have that kind of confidence!" So clever.

[@kevindeaton8105]

Love your comedy, you are hysterical

[@matildakristensen541]

0:26 this just reminded me of me and my friend way too much

[@mountainsmusicbeer5532]

That pause before "He's in med school" cracks me up every time.

[@adobegr]

Dude you are so funny! So many truths were told as well! Keep up!

[@jeffmcleod3829]

The confidence to hold the second pause for THATl long.Dude, do good.

[@xxletm3loveyouxx734]

Lmaoooo a semicolon 😂

[@Doctor9]

As someone from Quebec - I really didn't expect to be seeing a comedian performing wearing a shirt from Magog :)

[@michellecd4722]

Hysterical!!

[@delibakerytravel]

Girl, You Are Just Fabulous!! I must see you in person before I die, You Are Fabulous.

[@Dom_Kench]

AMAZING!!!

[@dayne1267]

I’m sure everyone asks this but I need an Australian tour please! Specifically Sydney. Love you videos but I’m sure your show would be soooo much better irl

[@JawadSoomro]

When guys stare at me, I feel really AWKWARD. The first thought that comes to my mind is "IS HE INTERESTED IN ME? OR IS IT JUST A MERE COINCIDENCE?" 😆 😆

[@jasonhaven7170]

I get that, it's a whole thing. Someone has to talk first

[@k.h.6991]

My thought is: is he into me, or is he a flirt? (I know, those aren't quite mutually exclusive)

[@xsalixartz59]

When I was at a residential (behavioral health) facility, one of the staff was a gay man One of the patients there was a lesbian who had a full blown conversation with him about being gay, and “Why do all gay people always move in with each other after the first date??” To which he responded: “No, the difference is that after lesbians have a first date, they get a U-HAUL right after After gay men have a first date, they go home and-“ That’s literally where he paused and did like a hand gesture that signified the implication that you could most likely fill in the blank from there That was one of the funniest conversations I had heard the entire time I was there

[@originalnilson]

I’ve seen the gay look in action. It was amazing. David Attenborough would have a field day.

[@TheBroodyKai]

You got all that from a look ..? TEACH me!!! 😭😭

[@jerrymartinez4490]

love your videos!

[@raymondkymsuttle]

This is SO accurate

[@elinahalla]

"he's in med school" :D

[@eldarkhamadeyev1556]

Semicolon joke is a masterpiece 🔥

[@tonymacintosh3744]

he's in med school............!!!! i choked right there!!!! good stuff!

[@louisdewit4429]

He is so true and Funny. Love him. (i laugh again and again. great acting, timing, diction and … experience 😊)

[@i_perpetuated_a_white_savi344]

When you go to like a comment, but then see the "White Lives Matter" icon. 🚩🚩🚩

[@louisdewit4429]

@@i_perpetuated_a_white_savi344 - Yes. ‘White’ savior.

[@i_perpetuated_a_white_savi344]

@@louisdewit4429 Don't forget the "complex". As in, neurosis. I know gay-cons hate context, but it's important.

[@ArranitM]

Saw the shorts, cackled accordingly. Saw the full clip, and I don't actually remember what oxygen is anymore. Matteo, you need a Netflix special at the very least!

[@bugpal]

LOL LOL SO ACCURATE!!!

[@ghomerhust]

if you can use a semi colon, get in THIS COLON hahahahaha im rolling

[@lexoxo25]

Love these vids plzz do moreeeee

[@officiallukeforester]

There are not enough gay stand ups out there, and this was fucking funny!! Netflix better jump

[@AlexRiversMusic]

Truth

[@moosedraw3731]

“If you know how to use a semi colon, get in this colon” 😂😂😂😂

[@Richard-wz3nl]

How very true !!!

[@FactStorm]

The semi-colon bit was the best lmao, Matteo is my new favourite comedian. You rock dude!

[@lelandhurtjr6308]

Amazingly creative and funny!! Love your humor. You are soooo cool😎😎

[@truanarchy6315]

Why is this so true 😭😭😭

[@anenbie]

I almost exploded laughing this was so good 🤣

[@adixar]

He's in med school, yes all are 😭 😂

[@alicetaylor6452]

“If you know how to use a semi-colon get in my colon” 😆 finally a room I can feel classy. I mean just barely but still😅

[@chelseamae7191]

Soooooo funny!! Love Matteo!😅🤣😂

[@Takaichi666-]

Gay men are very straight forward when they want you and they come at you with confidence and I envy them for that cause I get nervous talking to both sides and have zero confidence in any social activity

[@KofieBluejay]

This tee-shirt man, this tee-shirt.

[@treyhudson73]

I live in Atlanta and I still can't find a gay friend as cool as you.

[@ohedd]

He's in med school lmaooo

[@leventine5628]

Clearly havent developed my gay skills yet, conversations from across the room would make everything truly easoer

[@Room142]

He's in med school made me choke

[@floraaficianado5050]

Matteo - no pun intended - do your thang ALONE! Do NOT couple with anyone else in your skits…just standup comedy. Because my dear fellow, you ARE hysterical in and of yourself! You don’t need any backup or a foil to get the laughs - you’re awesome by yourself! Happy New Year!💓👨🏼‍🤝‍👨🏽🎉🥳🥂🍾💫🎆

[@smaakjeks]

[gay English teachers have entered the chat]

[@denizalgazi]

Matteo, it's the five-second rule for look-backs when cruising. Five four three two one… look back! 👍

[@xaviersaenz1375]

I feel fucking called out about the first look for eye contact, then try again for second round of it shortly after, good damn🤣💀

[@gsoond]

More comedy🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 love it

[@vivianp5962]

It's so true

[@bellenott9136]

OMG I am from Quebec! seeing that Tshirt!! when did you came up here?!!!

[@hera7884]

We’re going to ignore all the crazy men on Grindr? 😂

[@dplentz]

you need to add more dates to Toronto!

[@sjrescuelady]

Omg good grammar. Instant points.

[@stiLLa2000]

to the top with you!!!