Matteo Lane - The Mistress

[@trentonavery6565]

Ugwym was tired of him and she knew he needed this. Werk, Ugwym. That’s a sister.

[@TheRagingC]

Ugwum knew her boy needed an intervention.

[@markmh835]

So true! Ugwum is an Angel of Mercy. 😊🙏❤

[@TheEmerald97]

Ugwum is owed free mimosas for life from him. She saving him from himself

[@Prince_the_One]

we're all just glossing over the cringe ugwam black woman joke

[@Night-Shade.]

@@Prince_the_One She called herself that. There is nothing to discuss

[@user-ip9ru1os3o]

I genuinely feel bad for Matthew but mostly for Ogwum who definitely has been listening to Matthew's woes for a long time and is 100% done.

[@FiercedeityBrad]

"Brunch with Ugwum" needs to be the next special 😂😂😂

[@ChavonJWright]

PLEASE you and Nick take Ugwum to brunch

[@RebeccaO619]

“So what’re we gonna do? Should we call him?” LMAO Matteo. So messy 😂

[@purlfox]

Mmm.... no. Messy people call his wife 😂

[@aazhie]

​@@purlfoxxD true!!

[@waynemclaughlin96]

He's not a mistress. He's a misteress. 😉 😊

[@_Tree_of_Life_]

Honestly, this is comment of the year.

[@MusicLoverinO.C.]

😝 I see what you did there ... and I approve!! 💯

[@Tictacsizesoul]

Mister Sisters😂

[@ChavonJWright]

Hey Mister! She's my sister!

[@kalebwick3429]

“I gave no advice.” Matteo you gave the best advice! That guy needs to leave him! I’m not going from one state to another state to meet up with a guy who doesn’t want to commit!

[@irondasgr]

If he is efficient and effective you are going to go from another continent to another.

[@travelchannel304]

He's really getting "bread-crumbed"" & not he's even a women.!!,..straight guy MUST BE LAZYEE at home!! EWE 😮😅

[@ekdaufin1485]

AND is married!

[@P00py8UTT]

My friend does this all the time!! I’m like you didn’t lick the pickle or anything? 😭😭😭 I try to tell him to stop he doesn’t listen

[@TCt83067695]

Surely the fact that he's married is probably the most important part of the equation no?

[@peccant]

I love how hard the crowd turned against the guy when PATH came up, lol. That was a bridge too far, lmao.

[@markmh835]

Or a tunnel too far, under the circumstances......

[@chao3948]

i don't get it, what's path?

[@chao3948]

like, just A path?

[@B_Bunny_]

@@chao3948ppl are saying its an inconvenient train that goes to jersey

[@chao3948]

@@B_Bunny_ thank you

[@birgitpost3675]

"We're gay goddammit!" - love you Matteo!

[@cookiealexd123]

Ungwam was very diplomatic. What do I think of a man travelling on the PAT train to have an affair with a married analyst? I think that man doesn't love himself.

[@nadjak3410]

Probably hooked up in the family home, too while his wife was taking care of her mom with Alzheimers. I already have this whole movie script in my head

[@one-of-a-kind-h]

What’s wrong with PAT train? Pls enlighten, I’m European

[@slantdwave]

​@@one-of-a-kind-h it's inconvenient and at his own expense. Misteresses (!) are supposed to be carefree.

[@felinemoonchild]

Matteo does the best crowd work.

[@lurklingX]

i could listen to him doing nothing BUT crowd work. it's amazing.

[@LlamaTrauma13]

The fact that the whole crowd was ready to become a mob for Matteo 😂 I live for this

[@jlshel42]

A guy who’s “branching out” is just trying to slow walk you to the truth

[@uraszz]

Oooohhhhh I like that very much

[@bjkj5487]

"it's giving the path" is one of the funniest things ive ever heard 🤣

[@glizzgoblin]

Jersey native here if you're traveling from the city it better be true love girl its way too many people in either state for this situation to continue

[@requiemforameme1]

This is the real advice. There’s way too many gays on both sides of the river. Being the sideho and taking the *PATH* is absolutely tragic.

[@plinko84]

Unless his dickgame THAT good. 🤣 Jk, cheaters suck.

[@MusicLoverinO.C.]

​@@requiemforameme1PREACH! (two snaps and a twirl) 🤌🤌🕺

[@frostfang1]

Probably part of the appeal for Mathew. No one close to home to reveal him, if this experiment isn't a "lifestyle". Idk that's worded weirdly, but I know I'm more open about my sexuality away from my family than nearby.

[@what_equals_42]

Matteo's advice was GREAT. Matthew deserves someone who will value and commit to him. Also, you lose them how you get them. A person who will cheat with you will cheat on you with their next partner.

[@bewareofsasquatch]

Not always. Not proud of it by I did cheat on one of my exes. Multiple times. I broke up with her but I never told her I cheated on her. I still feel guilt about it and I haven’t seen her in a decade. Ever since then I haven’t never ever thought of cheating on my gfs. I just couldnt do it. It’s still in my subconscious. I still have dreams about her and where we lived. I get them constantly. I have been dream about her more often the last year. But yeah I think some people can change

[@treesny]

For those unfamiliar with the term "PATH" -- to quote Wikipedia: "The Port Authority Trans-Hudson (PATH) is a 13.8-mile (22.2 km) rapid transit system in the northeastern New Jersey cities of Newark, Harrison, Jersey City, and Hoboken, as well as Lower and Midtown Manhattan in New York City." 🙂

[@ohboilien]

This German thanks you 😅

[@CruzR1111]

This Aussie also thanks you

[@Jws314]

You're doing the Lord's work.

[@KristineMaitland]

Interesting. This Canadian appreciates the information. My grandfather was Senior Geological Land Surveyor for the New York and New Jersey Port Authority.

[@nicholasanderson7316]

Thanks for the context.

[@sangaychoden6151]

‘Ugwum the black woman’ should be worshipped

[@ericdwhitmorec]

Because she knows

[@KodyMDennis]

After Ugwum the Brown Woman sacrificed herself to save the fellowship, she returned to fight alongside them at the Battle of Helms Deep

[@ekdaufin1485]

Asé

[@lars7282]

Now who also needs to know the story of Peter?! 😳🤣

[@beatdizzy]

I mean. Contextually. We probably don't.

[@dakotac180]

We ride at brunch!

[@micahgonzalez2762]

They gay man saying oh god at 4:44 is iconic

[@nicholasanderson7316]

I mean if you’re comfortable being a home-wrecker. The fact his wife doesn’t know, avoid him like the plague.

[@polydipsiac]

I neverrrr wanna be involved in a cheating relationship. I feel like the partner when they find out might go on a rampage and shoot us both dead then commit suicide

[@lurklingX]

@@polydipsiac ok and there's that.

[@rhey81]

Its not that easy sometimes. I met a woman at work, physically she wasn't what I normally went for, but she had a smile that lit up a room. I asked for her number, she gave it to me, after some texting for a bit I then learned she was married. At first I couldn't do that, it wasn't the first time I'd run into a situation with a married woman but this time, it was the first time I followed through, weeks later we finally went out, we knew what we were doing, but we kept things slow, slower than I had with any other woman, and it was odd but refreshing, but wtf were we doing. We knew what we were doing was wrong. She said she and her husband werent sleeping in the same bed, he worked too much, so we had a 6 month relationship. She even told me she told her siblings about me and she said they were happy for her, what did that say about the husband? Anyway after the relationship died, we still were friends, we were cordial at work if anything our friendship grew after that, no one at work knew. I eventually left the job but I couldn't get her outta my mind. She was the last person Ive been with, its going on 5 years now. I've tried to move on with other women, just haven't run into any that get me the way she did.. But you do have to find a way to move on.

[@sufyanlowel4631]

@@polydipsiac you are Italian for sure.

[@polydipsiac]

@@sufyanlowel4631 I’m Vietnamese american

[@theriveroftruth]

somehow, “that’s the problem, ugwym” is gonna make its way into my everyday vernacular

[@FormerTory92]

The laugh at 2:42 from somewhere in the crowd is giving escaped chimpanzee and I am screaming😭😭

[@alnibodycare]

😂😂😂 why escaped ???? Lmaoooo

[@alnibodycare]

Lmao i just heard it it reminds me of the chimps in 28 days later when they first get infected in the lab lolllll

[@mrlucius57]

Im deaddddd

[@DaBaSoftware]

NGL that sounded like dolphin lady from Jeff Acuri's standup 😂

[@slantdwave]

Comfortably drunk

[@graffic13]

Matteo lane needs to be a voice actor! Why is he not the voice of some amazing cartoons!?!

[@timschimmel5150]

😂...."he's got family"...your like the mistress? "Yeah"..

[@ghinaoneiz2366]

3:10 Matteo was like "i need to sit down for this"

[@lurklingX]

*i think the moral of this story, is if you are looking for a real 'ship.... and he said HUSBAND.... don't fkk around with married people.* you're wasting your time. also, even if they did get with you, they're probably gonna cheat on you. almost always, it's a pattern. matthew sounded like a nice dude, but the reason he doesn't know what to do is because he probably had something in mind like maybe magically they'd hit it off and the guy would leave his family. almost always, this NEVER happens. and the fact that he let matthew do all the effort? yeah, that's bs ANYWAY. he needs to just break it off, go for someone that is 1) available 2) willing to also put in effort and not just put it all on you. good luck matthew. you deserve better. (if you don't believe that, then go to therapy and learn about boundaries and stuff because likely you picked up weak ones from your family. speaking from experience. sounds like you don't feel you're worth asking for reasonable things. again, therapy to sort that all out. you'll be happier. if you work on understanding yourself and your default ways, you'll evolve and also be able to pick more decent people. you'll find a better 'ship that way.)

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Matteo's answer is always 'let's call him!'

[@xiic358]

Everything after "alright you guys, we're leaving the show" HAD.ME.DYING 😂😂😂 6:23

[@norielli12]

I’m just admiring Mateo’s physique and jealous af that my biceps and triceps can’t compete 😂 this set was funny af lol

[@danakchampion]

Similar, I was actually envying his hair styling.

[@markmh835]

Sun's out, guns out. 😊👍🌈

[@setomotobobo]

Every second of this is gold.

[@noellenn2122]

The mistress. In Jersey.

[@nalanl]

The fact that he's paying to go to him is truly insane.

[@nadjak3410]

He's like an on call hooker 😢

[@outofcuriosity3203]

This is giving Carlos from the first advice special

[@cloud__99]

Poor Matthew. He seems like he really likes this guy and was hoping it would turn into a relationship. It won’t. He‘s just using him as a quick fix to experiment with while still not being ready to break apart his safe family life. And also seems like this guy is very aware that Matthew fancies him and willing to exploit that by making him do all the work. You deserve better Matthew.

[@katyungodly]

What I wanna know is why would you ever stay with someone who you know is capable of cheating? If they're cheating for you, they can cheat on you.

[@kayleen8037]

Ppl are desperate I guess

[@LedaSBotelho]

That would be so saucy as a storyline on a telenova drama!!!

[@ShinjiSixteen]

God Mateo, your crowdwork is **immaculate**

[@1jotun136]

Straight to the gay bar, straight to his knees.

[@QueenieOkay]

I need him and Jessica crowd work 1hr and a half special lol ❤

[@hammun6]

Matteo has THE BEST audiences! They always give him such good material to play off of! ❣

[@brittanyr0607]

Matteo, your arms baby! 🔥🔥🔥 I blinked and they doubled in size 💪🏽💪🏽

[@Danielle-kn3qg]

I hope I get to see Mateo live some day! He is one of my favs!

[@Jefrma]

"I'm looking for a husband" my dear, if you're looking for a person ready to commit on a marriage lv to you, even considering someone whom you know is already cheating on their partner, is the WORST way to go. Imo, if you get into a serious relationship with a person you 100% know has cheated in their past more than once, you've got zero ground to complain and act shocked when they'll cheat on you next😕

[@themaggattack]

"More than once." I love that you threw that little qualifier in there! 😂 Gives people room to make that mistake one time and learn their lesson. I cheated once and the consequences were horrible. I would NEVER cheat EVER again. I can't see how people live their lives as serial cheaters. It's awful!

[@sufyanlowel4631]

I just pictured that funny cartoon train with Matteo and others with pitchforks and flame torches all aboard and I can't stop laughing choo choo!!!😂

[@jessnielsen7583]

Matteo, I was having a shit day. This made me feel a lot better. Appreciate you 😊

[@annie-sc]

This is just Carlos 2.0 😂😂😂

[@Landoftheignorant]

In Jersey was the most important part of that question hahaha

[@rainbowwwkim]

Aight lmk when we're grabbing our pitchforks 💅

[@TheLaughingUrbanMonk-wr1zi]

I absolutely love the advice part of the show!!!!

[@remyc29]

Every straight woman with kids in Jersey who's married to an analyst is like...is that my husband?

[@Lydario]

just tell him “GOOD LUCK BABE!”

[@Anna-loves-you]

Ugwam and Matthew for the win. Never laughed so hard. Also, Jersey ❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@SombreroChef]

Brilliant! You make me laugh my ass off! You are a great comedian!

[@XEZGOLDZ]

Matteo Lane is entering his Marval movie jacked era

[@Jenniferlynn6504]

I frickin love Matteo. I want to do brunch 😂

[@ericdwhitmorec]

Its always a good time and a mystery when Matteo posts a set, good laughs and solving the mystery of when was this filmed based on the length, cut, and color of his do.

[@goodymiller]

Bahhahahahahha this made my morning. 😂😂😂😂 please tell me there’s another advice special coming soon!!!!

[@rocioiribe5841]

I think this was cut from his most recent one. Looks like the same outfit

[@kathrynparker9790]

This was a whole thing and so funny.

[@pchris1600]

he is sooooooo funny !!!! we love him

[@BolivianFighter]

“Its giving the Path” ugh so many New York men have been there.

[@cakeisavegatable]

This man needs to be FAMOUS

[@pch8236]

Ohh my i enjoyed this too much, thanks, burst out laughing in the middle of the night. “Analyst” 😂

[@hayatbash1894]

The voice crack I'm Dead 😭😭😭

[@ZaZa-nm6sw]

MATHEW dont he a mistress for free! 😂 Ugwam get your boy

[@吴振宇-s5n]

I really need to hear Peter's story😂

[@lisamcfarland8518]

Omg you are hilarious!

[@purpurr707]

Okay Mistress aside, when are we going to know what Peter's shit was!? That got me curious xD.

[@holliesloan9270]

I really love your haircut Matteo ❤

[@phillipbrooks5018]

This killed me😅😅😅

[@TheKuno89]

"You feel better?" 😂😂😂😂😂

[@camsmusic65]

Not him paying to go cheat with a married man.

[@tedtalksrock]

"I'm black. Therefore, I CAN"T be a 'karen'." ha.

[@vhol93]

love love love your content !

[@jacobmandel919]

It's giving the Path 😭

[@zackmedina1245]

"flame torches" 😂

[@Ms.Laterholmes5253]

Matteo, I can’t tell you how much I love this. Thank you so much and I do have to tell you that your pants look fabulous. I mean you’re always sporting some great little tight jeans but these pants look fab.❤

[@LlamaTrauma13]

I hope there’s another advice special with this whole set 😂

[@KrystyneY]

This is situation is spelling nothing but pain for Matthew!

[@LorenzoEski]

the poor guy 😂

[@KathyAnne28]

3:15 the drama slide-in 😂

[@MiamiSpartan1]

You are too funny 😂😂 😂

[@malexander2438]

This is so absolutely hilarious :D

[@digitalerfrieden9391]

5:36 sometimes Mateo's laugh sounds like the annoying orange xD

[@Havvyer]

As a gay guy, I feel for Matthew as falling for the wrong guy hits hard, though I've never been with a "straight" guy. That mob should've happened!! 😆 @tressny, thanks for the Wikipedia article 'cause I had no clue what the PATH was: I thought Tinder Matt was talking about some sort of cult. 😄

[@user-kt9ir6bo8z]

That New Jersey for ya!

[@nadjak3410]

We all know that Ogwum already told him and he wouldn't listen. FUCKING LISTEN TO BLACK WOMEN, DUDE!

[@alyssa4009]

this is so messy I love these advice specials. I wish I could go to one soon😭

[@SeeStuDo]

If I was gonna branch out, Matteo would get the call.

[@isadorasrealm]

Your la shows need more tickets!

[@heliobye]

"Um. Yeah! 😃"

[@selam1353]

“ Yeah” 😂

[@Moon_Thief_420]

A few days after he died last month, I found out that my husband of 25 years had been cheating on me for the last 15 years. I honestly would've laughed my ass off if a whole trainload of people brandishing pitchforks and fire showed up to deal with him instead of finding out the way I did. Probably says more about me than my late husband. 😂

[@rainbowwwkim]

I would've gotten out a pitchfork for you! That sounds so rough though, I hope youre considering some therapy and have a good support system ❤ that's a fucked up situation to be in :(

[@Moon_Thief_420]

@@rainbowwwkim I've been considering therapy but I'm still just a ball of rage and anxiety at the moment. I'm sure my 4 kids could do with some professional help too. Although I've had friends rally around me, my main support person was my Mom who died 4 days before he did. One of the only good things to come out of this was reconnecting with my younger brother. We'd been estranged for decades.

[@percibaltwinkus]

@@Moon_Thief_420 my goodness, that sounds so hard. i lost my dad 2 years ago and could only imagine losing a partner as well, much less an unfaithful one. i had been in therapy for years before my dad died and i don't know how i could've dealt without her. when the emotions are so big that they aren't resolving with the techniques you are used to, therapy is a great place to unravel them and figure things out with the help of a neutral party. going with your kids to some family therapy sessions can be incredibly helpful, too. i'm sorry you're going through this, sending all the love to you 🩷🩷🩷🩷

[@nadjak3410]

​@@Moon_Thief_420 That's fucked. I hope nobody in your family is expecting you to be the mourning widow after this (which I'm sure you're too, but certainly not all the time). Phew. So many conflicting emotions create tension. Please seek therapy for you and your children if you're able to. We had a situation like this in our extended family not long ago, but it came out some days after the woman died and not long before her longtime partner died as well. He was cheating for over 10 years with his sister in law, her brother's ex-wife. That was... shocking. Especially during a time of grieving.

[@Moon_Thief_420]

@@nadjak3410 Most of my family does expect me to be the grieving widow, especially my middle son who is 21. It's been the source of a lot of negativity and frustration. All of my in-laws that had contacted me in the first few days after he died have disappeared. No shock there. 😅 I think if I were a decent liar, I would hide my emotions from my kids only because it has been difficult for them. They know of his affair only because I screamed and punched a hole in my bedroom wall the day I found out.

[@ekdaufin1485]

Pitch forks and flame torches.

[@celes2]

What an awesome audience you have😂 "oooh" "aaaah" "ahahah" they don't sound real..!

[@aocroissier]

We're leaving the show, we're gonna find this man! ROFL

[@katietheekat]

When are we gonna get an update about Carlos??

[@ericdwhitmorec]

Bob and Matteo stay calling people

[@justforfun-bm9tm]

come to england pleaaaseee!!!!!