motivation & trauma

ACE Quiz:
www.npr.org/se...
Statistical data:
Chapman, D. P., Dube, S. R., & Anda, R. F. (2007). Adverse childhood events as risk factors for negative mental health outcomes. Psychiatric Annals, 37(5), 359-364.
The discussion on the findings studying the children of holocaust survivors/mothers who endured trauma and the studies on rat-pups can be found in the introduction of this paper:
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
Data on Walla Walla school district:
acestoohigh.co...
Intro and outro song: "with eyes open" by Cathartic Fall

[@CatharticFall]

Never stop making content like this. We need it desperately.

[@casronshaffer4313]

I love how he didn’t edit out the part where he started to get angry. I feel like most people see therapists as people who have all they’re emotions in check and they are total zen masters. But this makes him feel more human. And I really appreciate that

[@kaylagrubb2272]

The way he just took a minute makes him easy to relate to.

[@morgancl8]

When you said "I want that for you" I cried. I love you, thank you

[@leebeedb]

I teared up, it was as if he was right in front of me telling me this. God bless him ❤

[@MatthiasJBarker]

And I really do

[@robynpreston8032]

I did too.

[@allynantz139]

So did I,

[@allynantz139]

It's a very hard place to be.... Almost 40, trying so hard to heal yourself....bcz you finally see, realize, with one grown son, one 15, defiant, seemingly harsh at times... Watching myself getting angry, bcz they hurt me

[@fajr4337]

Hey, Muslim woman here. Your videos are so helpful. My heart is full. Thank you

[@hannah-cx3kb]

“sitting here, in the wreckage of the things you didn’t choose, is not flourishing.” OUCH. that one hit hard, but God did i need to hear it. thank you

[@mochi1540]

I'm 14 and i have childhood trama and when I try to, talk to my mom about it she gets angry and tells, me she had it worce and I shouldn't be complaining and my dad tells me, to just let it go and move on with my life, this feels like someone understands my feelings and made me realize it's ok to feel the way I do.

[@jenrich111]

you would be helped to talk to people beside your mum and dad about your feelings. the are minimising and asking you to deny its impacts on your attachment style, self-esteem, ability to trust etc. you deserve a third opinion forth opinion.

[@christinepapasian5915]

You have such a gift. May God bless you and keep you 🙏🏼

[@AllThingsTashy]

I feel so angry for having to endure so much on my childhood and how it still effects me as a 34 year old adult. I hate that I have so much healing and work to do because of other damaged people. I need to let this anger go, I just don’t know how to

[@pritcharddesign]

Try to practice focussing forward rather than back to eliminate those things that make you angry.

[@bean8354]

I’m 38 and had so much trauma and I thought I was doing well with handling it and then I went through so much trauma just a few years ago and now I’m a hot mess. I’ve been trying to figure it out because my autoimmune diseases are directly coming from unhealed trauma. I understand what you mean.

[@hearme4581]

Same

[@ewowaaa]

Forgive them. Not for them but for yourself. It's a very hard journey but so worth it.

[@ewowaaa]

Not sure what happened. But for me, realizing that everyone has their own inner child issues that they are dealing with.

[@kristabeni6037]

Your Tik Toks and KZbin videos are the reason I’ve reached out for help, and I’m so glad I did. My ACE was 5.

[@andiesmonster]

I will be saving this for later because of the heavy content and I’m currently at work. But I am struggling with motivation and have experienced childhood trauma so I’m looking forward to this.

[@kathleengolden5605]

My ACE is 7...and I openly admit that because I want to thank you. You have sparked healing in my life again, and I simply cannot get enough of your TikToks or KZbin videos. I thank God for blessing me with finding you. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!!

[@noellerecoskie3008]

I resonate alot with the idea that trauma and adhd look similar. When I was in my mid teenage years I was given vyvanse because my parents and doctor thought I had adhd, but the medicine didn't change alot of my impulsive behaviours. I ended up going to a therapist, and most of my behaviours were due to trauma that occurred in childhood. Thank you so much for the videos you make.

[@melinda4635]

Thank you so much for this... My parents both gave up on me. My mother drinks since I was born and my dad fled to a different country when I was 3 because he couldn’t deal with her anymore. Rage led my life until I was 19. I’m now 22 and since then I’ve been diagnosing my parents and all the traumas they‘ve experienced themselves. My biggest problem now that understand the situation, is to make sense of it. Neither of them will ever apologize for what they did, while in the meantime I’m trying to build my life without any outside support. I don’t have suicidal thoughts. I can go to work and pay my bills but I cannot take care of myself properly: eat enough, sleep enough, enjoy sexual intercourses, work on my interests, establish connections with anyone, recognize what makes me happy and what doesn’t. I don’t even know where to start. I live life everyday with an empty heart.

[@kalash_nikov]

This is it. From the outside we seem like we are functioning adults, going to work, doing basic adult things. We also mask, or lie about, things that we cannot deal with, out of shame and fear of being judged. The part about not being able to take care of yourself (sleep, eating, even hygine) also resonates 100%. I hope you didn't give up and seeked for support from the outside, nec it's so important. I'm 36 atm and until last year I was refusing to admit there's something wrong, I shelved it all under the label of "being lazy" or "not trying hard enough", because that's all I heard my whole life. And thinking we can heal and fix it all by ourselves is yet another common result of trauma, which ironically means we continue our struggle and make things worse and worse.

[@juderenee578]

I hate that the ace test only includes the mother being harmed. I witnessed my mother physically harm my father. I feel like it really perpetuates the narrative that adult men can’t be the victims of domestic violence. But that aside this is a wonderful video.

[@jenrich111]

more damaged mothers pimp out their children then imagined. women have a lot of power, responsibility and innocence to protect. not all women should be mothers.

[@samuelbender8681]

I started therapy 10 months ago because of things like this - and I finally made this connection this week. It was so painful, so incredibly painful. But it was so necessary.

[@MissAyce]

Thank you very much for posting. I’ve been through a lot in my life. And I’ve had so many set back I feel I won’t make it. This is giving me hope. God bless you Matthew 🙏🏽

[@pamelabaker1041]

Yes, I agree. About trying all those things is important. I struggle with having someone on the other side to help.

[@JulieR1970]

I wish I would have found you before I had children. But I found you now. You are a gift. I am sharing you with others. You have helped me realize I need to start my path to healing, and I am 50 yrs old with children that struggle because I was suffering as their mother from childhood trauma. I thank you with all that is in me. You are a blessing.

[@dalemoye4]

When you said “warm” I thought of my grandma. She made me feel so loved, and listened to. We laughed together and cried together. *Tears on their way* before she died I couldn’t go see her with the COVID regulations (she was in the nursing home) and I think I bottled up some emotions about how much she gave to me and how much I couldn’t give to her. 😢 Needed to say that. Thank you for your videos.

[@marynormal478]

By any chance could you touch on trauma not in childhood or not by parents or family? I don't feel like I fully relate to these because I had good parents and family but I have trauma from strangers/friends/partners as a young teen/ young adult.

[@denisejones-gagne9216]

I would echo that sentiment.

[@thebeautyfiles4574]

Yes to this!! 100% My trauma came later in life.

[@MelissaBozinovski]

I’ve watched a few videos now… your words they pierce our hearts… “you don’t have to sit in the wreckage.. you don’t have to stay there” something rose inside of me and i cried and cried… I allowed those emotions to surface…. It’s so true… I’ve been sitting in the wreckage for so long… you have a way of connecting to us… your words are therapeutic in itself… as well as your presence, tone of voice and it’s like you see our pain… thank you Matthias, you really are a gift.

[@elainebotha6590]

You have a gift, thank you for honoring you purpose.

[@ashleypalmer281]

I'm so greatfull for these videos. I didn't have the worst childhood, but it was also far from normal. It makes me sad to wonder how my life could have been different if my parents had been the people they should have been. But I'm trying to see my mother did what she thought was right. And now I work every day to learn from her mistakes and become the best version of myself. Sometimes I fail and take a couple steps back, but videos like this really help me know I'm not alone and it's worth it to keep pushing forward.

[@madisonroberts9187]

I found you on tiktok and you gave me hope, I’ve been watching your videos and I’ve downloaded all of your podcasts. My ace score was 9 but expected because I know trauma has impacted every aspect of my life. Currently trying to learn and cope to shed the toxic parts of myself I always blamed on trauma and you’re the first person to actually help. I’m grateful for coming across you, you’re helping more people than you know💛

[@juha1711]

I came here from tiktok and I swear you helped me more then my therapist. It feels like I made progress with you then with her

[@ckjt95]

This....just this. Wow! Trying to buffer the trauma my children have been dealt. My husband's suicide and losing everything in a house fire 1 year later. Teachers were pushing for ADHD testing. I requested that the teachers study up on childhood trauma. That summer the school had all the teachers attend a workshop on that exact subject. The support the children (all of the students) have now is amazing!! I pray I have been able to provide my kids the resources and support at home they need to NOT leave them with wounds that can't heal. Thank you for what you do!

[@carlyrose365]

Our healing is indeed our responsibility. So finding new tools to address our trauma is huge, thank you!

[@beccabryant9934]

You bring such warmth to my heart and tears to my eyes. Motivate me more to help myself and others. 💜💜

[@shortprobsshortstories5201]

These videos are my first step. I’m trying to process through things, I’m also going through the book “beauty for ashes.” I feel like I’m going through it alone, and reliving trauma makes me feel melodramatic especially when it happens to mundane things like attending someone’s youth group and I have a panic attack. But through these videos I feel a little less alone, and feel like I’m being given some of the tools to begin to foster good relationships. Ones that I don’t have to defend why I am scared to make friends, or where I don’t have to defend my feelings or over explain them to be heard. And you’re right it does feel unfair but it is very empowering to be on the path to being healed and to take responsibility for your own healing. Thank you for empowering instead of judging or throwing knowledge at us.

[@andiesmonster]

I would like to note that I have constantly struggled with attention and motivation. I am 24. I’ve experienced childhood sexual abuse and this hit so many points in my life. I was pre diagnosed as a teen for adhd when really it was my trauma and still have symptoms. I was never medicated though. My abuser/abusers wife did bring me to therapy thinking something was wrong and not realizing it was because of the abuse. And I’m just now realizing how off that is. The people who raised me were family and my abuser was abused. My mom and stepfather who later raises me had abuse or trauma in life. So I was surrounded by it lol. My symptoms were never recognized as a child or a teen so recognizing it now there’s so much that’s validating. It’s hard to gain power back once it’s lost and at one point I felt like I had so many things piled up in a to do list to heal myself that I gave up. Therapy as an adult has been life changing. This is like a journal entry 😂 but overall thank you for this because it helps me and I’m sure others feel seen and validated. It gives me hope. I’m glad that I found you on tiktok.

[@robynpreston8032]

Thank you so much for making this content. You have no idea how much "your thoughts" help me. You are helping more people than you realize.

[@hannahvanetten2509]

My score was a 7. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for several years and I am in so much pain that I cant even cry anymore. I am all out of tears. I struggle with self harm and my mom stop paying for therapy because she didnt want me to talk about my sexual abuse.

[@jennypalomo7633]

I dont trust people so its hard for me to open up even to a professional so watching your videos is a good start for me. "Healing from Trauma is regaining power" I want to regain my power. Thank you very much.

[@kaylieraisor3323]

My ACE score was 10. I just started watching these videos and you do not know how much these are helping me through life right now. You are making an impact on so many people. Thank you so much. 🥺

[@morgankey398]

I love that these videos make me feel like I’m face timing with a friend. 💕 these videos have saved my life. Thank you.

[@321Cheryl]

I can feel how much you care, and as someone who has seen more therapists than I’d care to admit, I understand what a rare treasure your heart is. Finding that in a therapist is the most healing aspect of treatment, in my experience. So many are unwilling or unable to truly connect, and as you just explained, that is a fundamental of trauma work. No wonder it’s taken me so long to have substantial improvement. It’s been a practice in futility. Thankfully , now I have a therapist who is completely down for me, and 100% of me knows she cares about me, and I am able to experience the difference that can make. THANK YOU for sharing your gift of compassion with us. I hope you know how special that is to me and so many others. ❤️

[@jahquonsmith7197]

Matthias, I would like to thank you. May God bless you!

[@andrearush6209]

The part I can't figure out is how to navigate all this in the setting of people who refuse to acknowledge any of my perspective or story because of their own trauma that I inflicted on them as children. The hardest thing is to see the way to healing together and know it will never come because while boundaries are good, barriers and refusal to communicate at all ever about anything are not. I'm so willing to look at stuff, own what's mine (and I have with one of them), I've had to open my hand and let them go, which just stinks because I love them. Counseling has helped. Moving forward is life but man, it's hard. Thanks so much for this.

[@kungfu82able]

I learnt about ACE scores in nursing school. Really great reminder to take the test and be kind with ourselves. Posted on Facebook for my friends and family!

[@mcendme565]

I always watch your videos to try and get more insight into the world. Like how my friends react, who I know have experienced trauma, just so I know how to act and what to do or not do- just overall understand them better.

[@destinysolis1648]

I had a score of 10 . I’m happy to say I was the only out of 5 kids to graduate, I’m in my second year of college, I’m not on drugs or alcohol. Just makes me happy that I beat the statistics despite my horrible childhood. Thank you for making these videos they help a lot . I appreciate you

[@MistHavik]

I look forward to your videos every week because they’re helping me through my dark times right now, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart

[@alexjames7781]

I'm sending this to my therapist so we can talk more about this more. Thank you

[@radiocinate4265]

You speak with suck calming but emotional way that makes it feel like you are directly speaking to me I'm likeing it.

[@angelawright8994]

Thank you for your videos. I started listening to try to understand and help my daughter but found that these talks are making me see my self differently. I stuff things back in my mind and didn't realize how it was affecting me. Listening to you has opened my eyes and I now can see myself in the mirror.

[@leebeedb]

You have helped guide me through my trauma and have lifted me up in ways you don't even know. I almost cried watching this, thank you. I could listen to your advice all day, you have such compassion to help others and you use the perfect analogies for everything. God bless you Matthias!

[@FS-id3dc]

This video is so powerful. So important. I’m sharing it because someone might just need this little kickstart onto even wanting to jump over that wall. Love and light 🙏🏼

[@lucascarneiro8792]

Thank you!!! Your videos help me not only understand myself better but also understand the people in my life and how I can be of better help to them

[@lilyhinh8382]

I.. thank you for this. This broke me down in tears. I was fortunate to have those close to me to help pull me/guide me over the ledge and see the brightest potential in things and in me. This is the first video that acknowledged journeys like mine, where I do feel safe and for once validated. Thank you so much.

[@InALandOfBooksAndATimeOfMagic]

Whoah. This is exactly what my therapist and I are talking about rn, and I told her about you and how you get me through the week when I’m not talking to her. Ugh, I can’t thank you enough for these videos! They’re the best thing that’s happened in 2020. 🖤

[@PurpleQueenBee]

My ACE was a 9 and only cause the last question happened when I was 22 and not before 18. Otherwise it would have been yes to all 10 questions. I’ve done lots of therapy and am still a work in progress. I can’t wait till I’m over my wall. Thank you for your content. I learn so much!

[@Patrick5059123]

From the bottom of my heart matthias, thank you for these videos I am still waiting to talk to a va therapist about the storm I have in my head. But your videos on here and tiktok have made me start to realize I'm not doomed, and I will be better again eventually , thank you

[@jenniferharpham1024]

This. This helped explain a lot of what I experienced as a child. Thank you for all of your videos on trauma and childhood trauma. They help so much.

[@MatthiasJBarker]

You are so welcome! Thank you Jenny!

[@AshleyBurns2008]

Thank you so much for your content. My ACE is a 9 and I’ve experienced additional traumas after childhood. The statistics make me worry for my physical health. Also my children. A recent breakup brought back many issues for me and I am trying very hard to get over that wall and become a better, healthier version of myself.

[@wwjdains]

Thank you for continuing to make this videos. I found you on Tiktok and then on KZbin. In the last 1.5 I have began to face problems from my childhood and how those experiences have shaped me. It has been extremely hard and everyday is a challenge at times. Your videos have helped me open up and talk about parts of my past with my wife and my counselor. Thank you again for all you do!

[@elisabethbaracsi2753]

From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU ! I’m sooo grateful for finding you, and thank you for understanding US , I’m crying so hard at these videos for feeling someone who actually understand us and WANT TO understand us , us people who had been through a trauma in their life . Please , don’t ever stop making videos like this , or on anything really ! once again , Thank you . ❤️

[@teddybearable13]

Your channel is such a great resource as many of these topics are covered in my own therapy. It's proving to be great for self-reflection between sessions so that these ideas remain relevant throughout the week. I also appreciate you explaining the background behind "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" since alongside the trauma, I'm also on the spectrum, so those types of phrases don't come easy to me! Thanks for the insight. Gives me lots to think about.

[@ravenrichardson515]

please never stop making these.... the world needs people like you.

[@echadwell2962]

Thank you, you speak to me and comfort me.

[@pritcharddesign]

Thank you. I'm just now learning at 55 that I have issues with trauma. I wish I could see you.

[@lordoftheblondes4718]

Just in tears.....the picking yourself up by your boots thing really hit home. Its been so long that ive been saying "Ill just change, just gimme a little more time to figure out how".....I always thought it was only thru Self that you can over come things. I think its time to try to finally reach my hand out awkwardly and give it a real shot this time...

[@beccabryant9934]

I love your thoughts and information shared. Thank you!

[@A_Jel]

Wow. Thank you. I didn't know it but I needed to see this. I really appreciate this content.

[@xdrunkoriginal7796]

Thank you for making these videos, they've helped me with my relationship and try to find ways to communicate better. I have taken an interest in apart of her life that is a little locked up with the help of you. She sees that I'm trying to learn to understand her more and it has really boosted our relationship woth past week.

[@jwgaard9267]

I never really considered what I went through in life trauma cause I guess it didn't really feel like it happened to me personally, but I witnessed some things that scared the hell out of me and made me feel weak. I scored a seven. You are probably right about reaching out and making connections but people just take to much energy out of me. Maybe I've been depressed for too long but I prefer to just avoid society mostly.

[@MatthiasJBarker]

I think a lot of people feel that way, thank you for sharing JW

[@AmandaLeighS]

At my current age of 29, I have actually just now began to accept my trauma. Ive gone through household/parental trauma since I was a child, and I have pretended that I didn’t so that I could forget.

[@michellecorriveau6979]

I needed this today. Thank you, every one of your videos help me. They definitely make me uncomfortable but in the best way possible. I see your passion for helping people and its inspiring

[@gauripandya9795]

Goosebumps. Thank you

[@carleenrogers6004]

I've been working on myself but this video in particular made me think of my dad because he is just sitting in the wreckage of the things he didn't choose. It seems no matter what we tell him he wont do anything to help himself. Its heartbreaking to watch. However, this video also gives me more insight on how to help him.

[@thatsacredclown1624]

Whyd you have to make me cry. Thank you for putting these videos out there.

[@caseywilliams2453]

Nevermind, I should have listened to your entire video before asking my last question. I apologize.

[@Curly-T]

At the age of 48 my childhood trauma came railroading back at me. The feeling is inexplainable. I’m currently dealing with it with a therapist. My Aces score was 8.

[@shotv9694]

i got a 6 on the ACE quiz thank you the vid was eye opining especially for me who has experience with childhood trauma ❤

[@juderenee578]

Yooo me too dude

[@Skylanders2006]

I scored a 5. For me the biggest challenge is creating and maintaining a safe environment. From experiencing childhood trauma, to recreating it through two long-term adult relationships has me feeling so fatigued. One book that has really helped me though is “Co-Dependency No More” by Melody Beattle. Why has it been so challenging for me to make the right choices as far as creating healthy and loving friendships and adult relationships?

[@hannah-cx3kb]

just an idea, a video on how being bullied in childhood could result in low self esteem or other issues in adulthood would be helpful❤️

[@kruser1299]

I always look forward to your videos on Fridays. Always a great message! Thank you!

[@MatthiasJBarker]

Im so glad Madyson!! Thank you!

[@aliasreed1266]

Thank you again Mathias i look forward to your videos every week Thanks for helping me out so much mentally 🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙

[@isseibrahim7160]

Thank you and I mean it from bottom of my hear ....so powerful

[@wifeofhusband9378]

Can you do ones on Trust, forgiveness, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, depression, over-thinking, being “too sensitive”, anger outbursts/being short tempered, .... I guess just everything. Just keep making these! You’re doing great!

[@denisejones-gagne9216]

That was a wonderful and poignant video. I do appreciate the passion you have for your practice. Love so many videos. Keep doing what you do, and thank you for creating content like this.

[@amyandmatthew2007]

Another great analogy!! You are such a motivational person!

[@crabert1748]

Could you do a video over sexual assault/abuse that wasn't childhood? I appreciate your videos so much! Thank you for all that you do! I'm a psych student and I love the way you word your videos. I understand them really well and I feel like I'm gathering tidbits that I want to use in my future when I become a therapist. I appreciate your honesty!

[@TaylorHudson]

Holy sh.....crap, this was eye opening.

[@annajeansteele3108]

Thank you for this. I really feel like you care about us.

[@noahsimmons8208]

Man your videos are powerful. Love all that you do ❤️

[@sittieainaabubacar1769]

Thank you Mathias.

[@melinavreealnd4698]

I got an 8 and didn't think that was going to be so high, gods.

[@725Kellybean]

I scored a 7. About 8 years ago my husband and I were in the car and he looked at me out of the blue and said “oh my god... you’re a barbed wire monkey baby!” Which was the weirdest sentence ever said to me and I had no clue what he was talking about. When we got home he found some videos online about Harlow’s work and it made me so sad how accurately it described me. At one part it said when presented with unfamiliar stimuli they monkey screams and tries to hide. I admit I laughed through the tears on that one.

[@amishabrandreth6209]

thank you for existing x this helped a lot

[@bambiblushofficial1275]

Just like my ace score 10/10 recommend

[@aathiqarafeek2546]

U should write a book on this! Like seriously.

[@ninataylor5585]

I took the ACE test and something I wanted to note was that I said no to a lot of the answers cause they weren’t in my home and never happened to me. But Ive been a witness to it all. Me and my cousin lived close together and were inseparable and I witnessed the hell that went on in her home and she has witnessed some of the hell I went through. When we were kids not even teenagers she would come to my house in the middle of the night either to hide from the cops so CPS didn’t take her or cause she was too terrified to be in her home alone and I would hold her while her parents fought or when her mom would try to kill herself or when she was being verbally abused herself. Its not my trauma but Im a witness so i don’t know how that affects my score.

[@laurakillingsworth8418]

How do I find someone like you to talk to? What modalities do you use? What questions do I ask them?

[@bean8354]

I was wondering the same thing or if he’d take video appointments, I’d for sure schedule.

[@hauntedflower9107]

I wish the quiz went more went in depth. I expirence not having a home that felt safe. My parents were the people they either thought they were in love or stay to together for the kids ⚠️TW ⚠️ Normally 8-15 times a year bad fights. Screaming shouting,almost leaving or leaving and drinking alcohol a few times. Holes in the wall in my parents bedroom from my dad punching it to " not hit my mom" he said that to me. Very few times was it at me because I took the fawn trauma response. When it was tho it was horrible. I do like that mentioned the parents having mental issues. My dad has anxiety,had depressed and has BPD. I understand why he's the way he is considering all I know about his childhood. I just wish he didn't do the same to me and my siblings.

[@shadowkitten7914]

Thank you.

[@savannahclemens9348]

My brother committed suicide as a child and I don't feel the Ace test accurately asked for that

[@darkevilfairy]

My ace score is 7 and it made me cry

[@rachelbryant1960]

This just made me tear up.

[@alexagough8265]

This spoke to me...thank you

[@MatthiasJBarker]

Im so glad, you're welcome!

[@sydneyvanotti8326]

Can you please talk about rejection and how to deal with being rejected so many times? My husband is recently graduated through COVID and is trying so hard to find a job and persevere but he’s had so many rejections and it is really starting to wear him down. I am trying to be encouraging and tell him to keep going but he’s not receiving it. It would mean so much for you to share on this topic. Thanks.

[@gumpysee3644]

I wish you could be my therapist, I was sexualy abused from 6 years old, neglected by my parents and still am I am battling addiction since childhood and have been clean for 10 months now after going to rehab,. I do have a therapist for a couple of more sessions but it hasn't realy done any good as I still feel I can't let anyone in and still live in a fog, I am 45 years old and no one realy wants to help an ex addict at my age in the UK, I have health problems aswell and often pray for death to take away the pain I feel, but I do still try to live in hope that I will get better mentally and physically, who knows how it will turn out but life is a daily struggle to understand everything