self-criticism

The interplay of shame and self-criticism and how to find freedom. Ideas drawn from Compassion Focused Therapy.

[@cameronmaners2828]

dude a podcast would be a game changer

[@rachelmartin3102]

Yasss!!!! 🧐👏🏼

[@oliviajae298]

Yep. I have already put Mr. Barker on my list of folks I would love to interview.

[@RianeHoliday]

Yes please!!!

[@bee-potato]

Pleaseeeeee do a podcast

[@Maddy-xq3yg]

I was just about to comment this!!!!!

[@anzkk299]

I’ve literally just cried about not knowing what I want to do with my future and my ability to pursue a career in my degree an hour ago

[@deborahshouse2297]

Me too everyday

[@BLHomestead]

43 and still there. I hope you get that direction that fulfills you!

[@briannaparker2208]

I need you as my therpaist. I've never listened to someone who has made this much of an impact on me in 16 minutes.

[@BLHomestead]

Absolutely agree!

[@elizabeth6134]

I feel as though you speak directly at me sometimes, as odd as that sounds. In fact, this video really meant a lot because I’ve thought about becoming a therapist for a long time, but every time I seriously consider the idea I talk myself out of it, just like you did. It really inspires me to see that you overcame that self doubt.

[@jordanarmstrong585]

'Treat yourself like you treat someone you love. Thats how you achieve self love'❤

[@sammytay2204]

I have been struggling with self-criticism ever since I can remember. It's gotten to a point where it is crippling and stops me from living. This video lead me to tears and opened my eyes to a lot of the roots of my shame and self-criticism. Thank you for this.

[@fcsfan2012]

I have struggled so much with this ! I need to show compassion to others and myself.

[@fcsfan2012]

Yes it's so crippling ! Thanks for sharing this !

[@iloveterriblevideos7]

Would you ever consider doing tele-therapy? Zoom sessions? I would sign up for that in a half a heartbeat. Please let me know if that would be possible to be able to talk to you.

[@johnnypixel3763]

I second this!

[@roxannerobes]

Third!

[@ashlynwalters1583]

i also would love to do tele-therapy with him, i feel oddly safe watching his videos

[@iloveterriblevideos7]

You can’t fake authenticity. He’s fantastic

[@HibaAydeed]

true right. I was happy for him but also slightly sad that he’s so over booked as a therapist as well.

[@myridean2k4]

I LOL'd! 😊 Not only was your answer re: your specialty funny; it's valid. While doing an internship at the Dept. Of Justice, I was brought on as part of a federal initiative on crime prevention through social development (CPTSD) where we tried to help communities address the root causes of crime (poverty, addiction, abuse, etc) by setting up initiatives focusing on youth, women and Indigenous Peoples. Super villains have been in the system and they are resistant to treatment or starting their path to rehabilitation by developing empathy, regulating emotions, forming attachments, etc. Btw, I just got your motivation journal. Thank you! Thank you for this vlog too. It gave me some food for thought.

[@zeldaguy32]

Hey you...I'm glad you exist.

[@amygordon7149]

You have such a presence about you that I can't explain This is your calling from God. You will change so many lives so desperately needing it. Be proud. You are amazing!

[@cingfx9751]

I think that self-criticism is what limits me in life, it is the biggest problem in my life, hell. I remember when I was young and I apply this self-criticism to everything I say and do. This is why people enjoy life and I am stuck in my head. I criticize everything I do and say it as if people are gods and I am their slave. But now I understand that life is short To criticize yourself for everything

[@nolantegge9892]

This is something that both my girlfriend and I struggle with. The things I’ve taken away from this video and many of your others are life-changing. I am going to take these lessons and use them to better myself and our relationship. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you do.

[@kittiemarie1235]

I never really hit the bell for many channels but I did for this channel. Because I feel like we're having a one-on-one conversation with someone who just loves people and is learning to love themselves too. This is beautiful, and keep going! This is so inspiring and I need something like this often because it's so inspirational.

[@Ccstars47]

This is definitely my comfort video when I find myself snowballing into anxiety, worry, and self criticism, it helps calm me down

[@DerpyGrump]

“Hey it’s okay, you matter. Like you can do this. Like this is really hard, and you’re figuring it out and there’s pieces here that you don’t have a full grasp of yet, but you’re learning and you’re trying, and if you keep pressing on, there’s hope.” I could feel the twitching in my muscles when you were saying this. Had to write it down for myself, whether I keep it in the notes on my phone, or I print a sheet with this on it. I doubted it, yet it hit home.

[@BLHomestead]

Sir this absolutely brought me to tears! The last part is what I’m severely struggling with! No support! So it is bringing on severe doubt. Married 18 years 3 kids and no support structure. Severe depression and can’t figure out why. Ugh. Thank you for your content sir. I truly felt you were talking to my soul on this! 🙏🙏🙏

[@kylamccormick8641]

I'm becoming a counselor now, and this is helping me so much♡ peer support for peer support. Thank you. Please don't stop making these videos!

[@amaliamoodie1014]

WOW...this made so much sense, especially the part about halfway through when you said .. "The actions that the shame inspires actually create more shame" and explained this so simply "The fear that I have is propelling me to act in a certain way that's bringing about the thing I fear" If only you were in the UK 🙏

[@alorahwilds]

You saying there is hope has had me crying non stop. I have felt like there is just no hope for so long.

[@menda1210]

Enlightening, as always. I swear, your brain works so much like mine in terms of where our insecurities are and our way we articulate words. This is perhaps more insightful and "seeing ME" than the last 6 months of bimonthly psychotherapy, DBT and medication. (Not to say those aren't still needed, but there's something about your mind that always connects the dots.) Thank you. Please know your insecurities are what help me. So whether your intentions to be good at one particular thing were achieved or not, you are still sowing seeds of benefit in others regardless. I'm others. 😂

[@nekojuan8260]

Idk why we need to suffer like this 😓 And i found out that im a prisoner. Not in reality. But MENTALLY! i couldn't imagine that life is so complicated when you get more older. And you will act like nothing is wrong with you. I might call my self a great actor. Even though my human body is not healthy anymore. And my spirit/soul is cheering me up for not giving up in life. And its still working! PS: my self criticism is working also while im writing this. And it took me a half of an hour before its done. Asd!

[@yellowsubmarine01]

I recently did an exam and did great - but not as great as I wanted to. The exam is quite difficult so most people would look at it and compliment my results, but I can't. In fact, I am ashamed of it so I didn't tell anyone. I started beating myself up and ended up with a lancinating pain in my head. That has been going on for a while and I got so fed up with it. I came across your video on my youtube homepage and I related to you so bad. My self-criticism when it comes to my academical achievements is so harsh it makes me more and more depressed and incapable of moving on. This really helped me see through the traumas I carry with me and also how I am holding myself back instead of pushing forward. I guess I have a long way to go, but hopefully I will get out of this. Thank you, this video is amazing!

[@yellowsubmarine01]

I apologize for any possible grammar mistakes! English is not my first language :)

[@awplex5798]

Your videos are extremely helpful. I find myself relating my experiences and seeking ways to cope or to ease out of my tense emotions. I strongly encourage you to keep doing what you do, because you’re not just changing my life, but so many others, and that’s a gift. I appreciate you!

[@MichaelMersola]

You are amazing your gift is your compassion, the tone you speak with and your feelings are truly genuine. I’m glad I found you. What you have to say is very inspiring and healing. Thank you.

[@tracisettles821]

This was really helpful, thank you sharing your experience and the suggestions for changing that negative inner critic self talk. 👍👍👍🥰

[@robinbouchard4643]

Wow just wow. Grateful to hear these words of wisdom shared… ♥️

[@m7tscircus]

i know i needed to watch it because my self-criticism takes control of my thoughts when im not distracted (thats why always distracted) so when i did something i didnt do for a long time (because of my self-criticism) whichs writing a jornal, it came a lot stronger, it triggered me just like 5 years ago. i cried a lot because i feel an horrible sensation and fear and a belly pain. this is making me crazy the first thing you said about no one laughing also happened to me when i was 10, it was horrible😢

[@zoocko121]

Unlike self-critiques I am too nice to myself. As a child, I was made fun of a lot and had low self-esteem, and to cope with that I developed major narcissistic habits. it would be cool if you made a video of some sort explaining coping mechanisms for depression, stress, anxiety, or narcism. Love the channel!

[@abelgebremichael8344]

ya u are right. Being rational always work. The other problem I see is we fall in a slippery slop worrying abt wht kind of result that our actions cause. Playing different scenarios in our head without any evidence of that happening.

[@Thecreativedad13]

My wife, sweetness most tender woman ever...and I were just sitting on the couch and she had just had a melt down because of trying to pick out food for our weight watchers and she asked me why is it I’m afraid of failing and so hard on myself. It can really bring her down. And I said wait Matthias has talked about this. I came right to this video and got to the part about how self-criticism is trying to protect you from shame. She immediately cried. She’s said that’s it. Thanks for helping us generate some conversation. It breaks my heart when she does this to herself.

[@bethlanglois9361]

You’re brilliant and I think you’re an enfp- the type that understands the impact of a story’s narrative on the masses more than any other type and also who motivates and nurtures potential in people by offering them possibilities of what they could want and where the could go and where it’s actually good and valuable for them to go 💕🙏👍 God Bless

[@christineallen2709]

You are an amazing soul. I absolutely find you so relatable and compassionate and real. You just got a life long fan.

[@atukunda9028]

@matthias, God bless you for your wisdom

[@GetBigga]

You are NOT just another guy. You are so welcoming and anyone watching this feels warmth and feel better after watching you. You should do a podcast and just talk about life with like minded people.

[@avathemis9878]

Thank you for sharing so honestly. I have a vicious inner critic, which attacks most of all about the ways I try to prove that I am worthwhile. I had never heard my behavior described so accurately by another person.

[@caoimhem4676]

I am just mesmerised by your videos, they are SO helpful thank you!

[@Zoozy77]

Thank you so much Mathias. I was meant to hear this today.

[@lifewiththelaws1241]

Thank you! I love your videos! Sometimes it feels like you are talking directly to me💗

[@deborahhendricks2997]

Love these videos! The part I’m taking away is “sawing off the branch you’re sitting on”. Oh how I can do that. It’s slow and damaging, and to recognize it was an ah-ha moment.

[@jordanarmstrong585]

I've been having problems of mostly everything I have heard you say so far, but up until now, I thought I was on my own to figure them out. I've been watching your videos for 2 days and already, it is like a weight I've been carrying has been lifted off of me. This is probably weird since there is so many yt channels out there, but I can never relate. As you said, some people don't realize their problem/s or admit them, so by telling us your experiences, it makes me understand that the extent of my issue, that it is okay, and that there's ways to help. I have troubles sleeping due to imposing thoughts, but also because my mind is hyperactive and my body is heavy/ tired. Thanks so much for you dedication on helping others. You're a real superhero 🦸‍♂️❤😙

[@HibaAydeed]

You’re providing us with exactly what we all need right now ❤️

[@saadmansakib1874]

You englighted the real thing inside , thanks man ❤️

[@mar-leighsagonzalez2651]

Your videos are life changing. Thank you!

[@georgiapeach7291]

Thank you for sharing this. It givese a lot of feedback to think about. I love the way you explained it. 😁❤️

[@artfullyprompt]

Don't ever change, you are incredible in your every aspect, I'd love to see you and brene together

[@simply_felix]

AMAZING!!! Thank you does not begin to address how thankful I am.. but Thank you!!

[@nancyciccia344]

Thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely relate. It’s so difficult to change that thought process. My conscious mind knows the difference but my subconscious tends to over power. One day at a time!!!

[@joshwilson777]

This was a wonderful video! I am going to see my therapist tomorrow and self criticism is definitely gonna be my topic of discussion.

[@lisax23]

You are great at this 👏 explaining this

[@virginiadejournett5759]

Thank you for posting this. I came here from tiktok following you and am glad I did.

[@abbieh1979]

i struggle with a lot of self hate trauma anxiety and depression and you just make me feel so safe🥺😕

[@heathermcdonald233]

So thankful I found you on TikTok!!! Even more thankful you are on KZbin!!!! Thank you for sharing a part of yourself in this video. I truly hope you know how awesome you are and how much you are helping me and others!!!!

[@MissAmberlee1]

This is immensely useful. Thank you Matthias

[@matthewsnodgrass2397]

Love your stuff man. So encouraging, keep it up!

[@toavs3977]

As someone who has attempted 4 times and gone to therapy for suicidal depression. The sentiment that "Giving up is a more reasonable conclusion that trying harder." Is a more relevant and personally valuable understanding to have. Not that it is true, but through the recognition that you view life that way you can understand why it is wrong and grow.

[@AttackoftheHam]

This really was helpful, I also was held back in elementary and that always made feel like I was dumber than everyone. But really never hit me until you said your own story. I will try to not let my self criticism get in the way of me being successful.

[@The_real_Matheny]

You have a gift and sometimes that gift is very different then the thing you are judging yourself against.

[@taylorlevix2994]

I struggle with self criticism every day. Only people who see my self criticism is the people I feel I rely on most. My parents and family don't see it. Id love to have you as my therapist. You seem very calming.

[@emoryoakley8922]

I seriously needed this today.

[@toothfairy6518]

I say this with as little exaggeration as I hope to convey: This is among the most relatable videos I have watched.Thank you so much. I hope you have a nice day.

[@darrellolsen1204]

Excellent video, I've just subscribed, thank you 🤝

[@ckirtley9]

My self criticism has manifested into full blown self hatred and I can’t seem to conquer it. I feel like I’m drowning. I see not one thing positive about myself. 😭

[@brendapeterson7039]

If you struggled with academics it may be because your more right brained (if that’s still a thing) because your more empathetic, practical and thoughtful where the rubber meets the road. I never thought about this before but perhaps A students are more left brained. In your profession you need that right brained sphere to excel in your profession the rest is your life. So maybe the grades don’t matter as much as you learning what you don’t know to ADD to your natural gifting? We need those lifer brained engineers to build our planes and such but we need empathy when it comes to humans. Your so so good and you speak right into the camera that has got to feel weird but it looks like it’s not there. It looks like your talking to us! Your perfect at what your gifting are. The academic part is to get you where you need to go. I know ppl wear academics as a badge but it’s all meant to teach you what you don’t know.

[@bryce_hughes8493]

You are amazing

[@seaglass4921]

the lighting in your videos always makes me feel so comfortable

[@Hi-sx6vb]

I just want to say thank you for all of your videos and for what you do. I really appreciate it Matthias:)

[@elizabethharris6034]

Your voice is so soothing. I could listen to you all the time to calm down. Or when I need to cry. Please make more

[@abrahambaker5085]

Wow this is what I live with every day. I’ve never heard it said out loud.

[@mrs.r1235]

Thank you for providing skills and tools. I really appreciate it.

[@marisasanchez7102]

Thank you for these tips. I really needed to hear this.

[@siobhanforbes1487]

you have such a great way of speaking and keeping people engaged in your story. Keep it up!!!

[@etiennebroodryk2679]

I loved your advice, thank you so much. I would love if you could make a video on INFJ personality types and how we can understand ourselves.

[@ethereallybeverly7921]

This was very helpful! Looking forward to more videos from you! Thank you for sharing.

[@charliemitchell6549]

I have the same insecurities and self-criticism. Thank you.

[@CoziCozette]

Amazing!!!!! Thank you 🙂

[@therealbacaboo]

Dope video!! Thank you!

[@StevenMartinGuitar]

More long form content would be great to see!

[@miiggles]

I can really relate with you Matthias. I feel the exact same way.

[@FastLaura65]

I am my own worst enemy . I’m always feeling not good enough for anything.

[@yayitsmadi]

I.....never thought about it that way 🥺 I love your videos so much.

[@johnnypixel3763]

I needed to watch this today. Thank you.

[@jerriedean9741]

Thanks, you helped me realize what the self-criticism was doing to me.

[@ilovemybestfriend19]

Hi, I found you on Tiktok and i’ve just been hooked listening to all of your opinions or knowledge on so many topics. I dealt/still deal with a lot of childhood/generational trauma and your videos really help me, especially your video on “forgiving your parents”. I hope I get to have a session with you one day.

[@3dayblinds600]

Are are fantastic. Thank you for your work

[@jessicaha1100]

I've needed help with this for so long and this gives me hope, thank you

[@dkmtl8643]

wow! thank u for your videos!

[@precisionsoundworksstudio]

So good.

[@conniebuehner8651]

My one thought of you when watching your videos on tik tok was how smart you are. But I have always been insecure in my intelligence as well. I get it.

[@therealbacaboo]

Subscribed. ✊❤️🇺🇸

[@serenanorris7251]

With the context, I found the joke funny .

[@brandongreen3077]

Mathis Barker I understand you have a life and family work and many other things I am unaware of. But, I need your compassionately thoughtful mind to help me. Internal family systems.. I am determined to get your attention and I won't stop until there is no more trauma. I think I will be a easy Case. Even though my entire life has been a non stop event. I'm aware and I just lost my girlfriend and the love of my life. Because I can't act right. There is nothing like wanting to be a certain way.. And can't.. Even losing your best friend... Because you can't act how you want to..

[@deleteme4043]

Your amazing x

[@sikwamkelemaphango7578]

Thank You 🙂💓

[@user-ws5iv2uw3s]

I know self criticism very well

[@bean8354]

I’m so critical and my worst damn nightmare. I judge and criticize myself way too much.

[@kavya914]

🥺❤️❤️❤️ Thank you

[@Gueni38]

Thank you

[@roamandraising]

Can you do some of your longer videos on KZbin with the music you use on Tiktok? So calming!

[@libradarogel4023]

really does help thank u 🤍

[@janetbenjamin2561]

You should totally study poly vagal theory! You will be amazed at self criticism is from sympathetic nervous system and self compassion is from ventral vagal system!!