solving arguments

[@greeneyesdreamhreat]

You need a podcast. I found you on TikTok and Love your video. Keep up the good work.

[@amberleggett4567]

Yes!!!! A podcast would be awesome!!!!

[@MichaelJKeelan]

Completely agree 100%

[@scorpioqueen23]

Yes 🙌🏽

[@ruthwright5422]

YES. a podcast would be amazing!!

[@moniquenanez6636]

Podcast, please!!

[@withtongtong]

Really glad I found your videos. Wish you were my therapist

[@codyserfass9768]

Would love for you to do another one of these videos with more examples of ways to solve arguments. But, the main thing I took from the video is communication is key. 😃

[@jewlz2317]

I feel as though I experienced being with someone who was not emotionally available for me and would much rather avoid the argument, or if we had a disagreement, we would talk about it once and never again. I eventually began to feel like I was fully satisfied in my relationship because my emotional needs felt neglected. I felt as though the only connection we had was through sex. I broke it off with that person and cam across your videos and you really guided me and gave me a whole new light. Some people are not aware of facing these emotions or not open minded enough to figure out the problem in relationships and to actively work on the solution. Thank you so much for your content! :)

[@nina04181999]

You had me until that 75 split when one person is at home caring for children. Many many SAHMs and SAHDs will agree that childcare is a huge task and they feel they're living up to and beyond a 9-5 job. Especially when their workload stretches beyond the time their partner is home.... I've found it's best to have couples in this situation to talk about what workload the stay at home parent is under and how much they truly do during the day because it can sometimes seem as just "all play" to those who don't actively stay home.

[@kellylee9296]

👏

[@CareyRonning]

I think you might have taken that more literally than he met. I, however, heard it too.

[@samanthakirkpatrick8981]

?? That’s literally what he said make a list and decide on the split that works for your family with one partner generally doing no less than 25%

[@miayap7433]

Thank you so much for your words, I wish I had this video months ago before my boyfriend and I have been having this same argument. Thank you for your help.

[@lockie1078]

please keep posting these!! they help me fall asleep at night :)

[@alundrarobinson115]

same

[@jesselesperance7213]

I would love if he did a sleep therapy video. One that is focused on that.

[@Ali-tn9yb]

Here from tiktok, thankyou for making this so accessible. I really enjoy your content and its helping me put some current conflicts into perspective and handle things in a new way. So, thankyou.

[@mamaguile7587]

Great videos. Keep them coming.

[@725Kellybean]

You say maybe one person works full time and maybe the other stays home raising children so the house chores are more 60/40 or 30/70, I thinking you’re forgetting that staying home raising children IS working full time w/ uncounted hours of overtime. As a stay at home mom I carry 💯 of the responsibility of the house. 💯 of the kids. 💯 of their education. On top of that I have to think for and remind my husband to do basic adult tasks. Now I understand I am responsible for allowing this dynamic in my marriage. I just wish when we talked about working we included the parents who stay home that pick up older kids from school with baby vomit on their shirts because there’s never time to change or breathe. The parents who try to feed a baby while breaking up a fight between two other kids while also making dinner. The parents who try to hide in the bathroom and cry for 5 minutes all the while having kids bang on the door yelling “mommy or daddy!” We work too. We work hard. We need society to stop looking at us as parents who don’t work.

[@melissapineda27]

I’ve tried this before but he went back to doing no chores little by little. I don’t know what to do. I hate having to repeat myself over and over again

[@monicanavarro9366]

Hi sir mattias I just saw your videos in tiktok your videos help me a lot I learn things but I have one question and hope you will notice this , here is my question how to solve if you are over thinker person ??

[@sgair]

the cat murring is so comfy

[@STUDIO-514]

Love your content bro! Your tik tok really got me through a lot last year!

[@jessicabirney8948]

My partner and I recently had an argument because I wanted to be able to go through his phone, and instead of trying to be sneaky about it I decided to ask point blank. He has cheated on me before... for a good portion of our relationship. We broke up, but he came back and said he wanted to make it right. He admitted to never really valuing me before, and never actually loving me before, but after I was able to leave and really be okay without him, he suddenly saw my worth. He has made more effort than ever before, actually calls be beautiful and compliments and encourages me all the time. When we’ve had discussions, he’ll sometimes get defensive but usually if I can approach it with practically and with some kind of positivity, while staying true to my own feelings, we’ve been able to come to solutions and he has seen me and heard me and understood me like never before. But then when I wanted to go through his phone he asked me why. And I told him I have a tickle in my tummy, a weird feeling in my gut, and following my gut is something I need. I told him I needed to be able to go through it so I could prove myself wrong. We talked for a while, but he said no. I tried to further explain why I needed it, and why I deserved it, and that healing from what he put me through isn’t clean or easy and I just need extra love and extra effort and extra patience for a while. A relationship isn’t always 50/50, sometimes it’s 80/20 or 60/40. For the first year and a half we were together, it was all me. I held us together. I made sure he felt loved and I went out of my way CONSTANTLY. Even when I wasn’t sure if I trusted him, I made the choice to despite my feelings. I didn’t love him perfectly and there were plenty of times I didn’t handle everything well, getting overly emotional and crying for hours and having no idea why. So I said that right now, while I heal, I need him to go above and beyond like I did for him for so long. He was really bothered by my use of the word need, though, and said I don’t need to go through his phone in order to trust him. Things escalated pretty bad, worst argument we’ve ever gotten in to in our almost 2 year off and on relationship, and we both walked away for the day. In the end, we’ve started talking again but without addressing any of it. I feel like I’m not honoring myself for not giving myself what I need, and I feel like he thinks he knows what’s better for me than I do. And I want to approach him again about it, maybe this time with more vulnerability, but I feel like he’s putting me in the situation where I gotta chose between him, and me. And it’s not that I want control over him, and I don’t wanna have to feel like I gotta make demands or always prove and provide evidence why I deserve to have my needs met, but I also don’t want to make him feel disrespected, or like I don’t appreciate the efforts he has been making. I struggle to know where the line is between asking for what I need to heal, and asking too much and/or asking the wrong way. I fear I am actually acting entitled in this relationship and, in the end, I am not entitled to anything that is his - time, affection, or phone access. At the same... I kinda feel like I am entitled to it, but I feel wrong for saying that. How do I re approach this argument without trying to make demands or “leverage” or giving break up threats if I don’t get my way?

[@TheCharzardd]

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time in your relationship. Im not a therapist or anything but I thought I would suggest this podcast called "where should we begin" with Esther Perel. She is a wonderful therapist and she also has a book called The State of Affairs: rethinking infidelity. In her podcast she takes you through an anonymous therapy session. There are a few episodes that deal with infidelity and I remember them talking about phone access. I cant remember which episode it was but i think listening or reading her book may be helpful. Good luck!

[@ryansebastian4809]

This is one of your best. Thank you so much for this i can’t wait to have a relationship that i can use this knowledge for❤️❤️ I appreciate you so much

[@liddlemountain7245]

Oh man I wish I found you when I first got married!

[@jennaharquail7042]

Please make a podcast!

[@nashaah4382]

Please make a Spotify podcast ☹!!! I enjoy listening to you

[@personafai1470]

Its pretty crazy. Ive almost went to be a social worker and i notice that some things you say, im doing them already, just to make my relationship work 😊

[@jamesonrwalker]

I’ve literally only just let go of my resentments from my past relationship 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@rashellehecht8303]

Is there a chore chart you've seen be successful? My husband and I need this!

[@Ericktrivedipa]

Brilliant. Came from tictok

[@Galahad747]

What about addressing if a partner does a substandard job of chores? My wife is supposed to do dishes but she will put away dishes even if they are still dirty and doesn't follow organization so things get messy and are all over the place (one of many examples).

[@juiceduar693]

I tried to have conversation with my wife but she wants nothing to do with me so I just step back and give her space I feel like where becoming more distance. I wish I can talk you about this.

[@evelyncorona1460]

Is there a list of books you recommend for couples. I mean a marriage close to ending 🥺

[@thebeautyfiles4574]

Do you split the chores by rooms or by tasks? Like, you clean kitchen or you do dishes, I clean counters and stove, etc?

[@christinalacey1405]

May I suggest what my husband and I do? Sunday is our cleaning day. He takes care of the kitchen and bathroom, I take care of our bedroom and living room. During the week we work together on laundry and cooking etc. It really does work well for us.

[@thebeautyfiles4574]

@@christinalacey1405 thank you. That’s a good system.

[@alishamg2115]

So I struggle with needing closure after a fight. If I feel it’s my fault, I need to hear them say they forgive me. How do I stop doing this when others move past it so easily?

[@Charles-cs4qn]

What if your partner is more focused on proving that someone should realize what they did was wrong and who’s at fault rather than moving forward?

[@missmontee451]

Could you do anvideo on -i watch your videos but when i want to watch or listen to them in the car and my boyfriend is around, says he doesnt need to know any of this he doesnt need to be taught so he doesnt want to listen to it, therefore i cant listen to it around him. I cant enjoy something and also have him listening to it so he can learn something. I personally know he andi both could do better he dowsnt think so. So i hope that by me enjoying what i listen to, and hes around. He can learn to

[@missmontee451]

He gets mad at me for listening to "that crap" as he says

[@missmontee451]

Takes it personally it seems

[@elizabethsmith1412]

With household chores, does anyone have suggestions on the split for a couple with 6 kids where one person works full time and the other is in college full time plus a stay at home parent? I'm having a hard time keeping up with kids schooling and college and the chores.

[@censuslo-liyong1986]

I’m in the same stage but rather 2 kids. I keep trying to make a plan but it’s always blocked with how he is the only one working. I don’t mind doing things but there are moments when I really need help.

[@CillaStudiosUGC]

Raising 6 kids AND school; that's hella more stressful than any day job! Partner should carry most of the chores imo. If it's in the budget, hiring a housekeeper could be a major game changer. I know that's kinda an oxymoron given college is expensive, but using some college loans or home budget for a service to help you is huge.

[@victorrios3131]

How do I find a good affair recovery specialist in my area?

[@wifeofhusband9378]

Would you be open to having a pause at the start of your video before you start talking? I otherwise find it too easy to miss your first couple words because it starts immediately.