Maybe We Aren't Empaths

When my friends or members of family are struggling it makes me sad too. When I hear about the struggles of strangers it brings me down. When the whole world is wrapped up in a global pandemic, it's overwhelming. But does that mean I'm an empath? Let's chat about it.

[@aceofspades3973]

I agree that there are a lot of people in the woowoo community that just want (need?) an excuse to feel special, and I definitely think that it's good to be wary of layperson evaluations of the self (psychology tells us that most people understand themselves pretty poorly), but I do also think that there are genuinely differences among individuals in things like emotional sensitivity, emotional volatility, cognitive/intellectual empathy, and emotional empathy (for example, note studies showing higher rates of burnout in care professions among people with high empathy). I can't really say how many self-identified empaths actually display a minority presentation of these traits, but I feel like it could be some? Without actual knowledge of that person's experience, I really can't say. So my issue is less with people needing more time alone or something because of self-perceived higher sensitivity, and more with the more radical, woo-y aspects, such as either 1) believing that others' "energy" can affect them at a distance, without their knowledge, with no clear mechanism for how this could possibly occur (and therefore ignoring any other, more reasonable explanations for their current state) or 2) believing that they are not only having a subjective, personal experience in response to someone else's emotional state but that they are in fact receiving unique, esoteric _knowledge_ of that person and their emotions by virtue of being an empath. Those kinds of claims are fundamentally incompatible with skeptical thinking. Something that I see a lot is that someone _correctly_ identifies a difference or problem, but then they interpret it incorrectly or apply an inappropriate solution. For example, I find it reeeally difficult to concentrate on work if there are other people in the room, even if they're being quiet, even if they're not bothering me at all. That is a fact about me. But it's not because I'm an "empath" - it's because I have ADHD and social anxiety!* So my thinking is that you're allowed to have hypotheses about yourself, it's just that you should follow up on those hypotheses in a scientific, rational way (e.g. by keeping data on yourself, learning from reliable, scientific sources, and/or consulting with medical professionals). As you said, a big part of this is being willing to be wrong and then update your theory based on contradictory evidence. *It should also be noted that even cases of neurodivergence/diversity that are well-supported by the scientific literature shouldn't be an excuse to stereotype or pigeonhole, as people have unique, fluid experiences of these things. Nevertheless, it can be helpful to recognize common patterns in your thinking or behavior. As far as people saying things like "COVID affects me more because I'm an empath"...I mean, it is frustrating, and it is kind of insulting, but I try to keep in mind that those people are just people. There is always a reason for every form of human behavior, including things like self-absorption, egotism, and attention-seeking. People who try extra hard to be special or popular are often people who have been denied genuine love/care and feel the need to attract the attention of others in other ways. Or maybe they just got caught up in some pseudoscience BS and didn't have the knowledge or tools to challenge it. Either way, I try to see their behavior not as a moral failing, but as a result of their unique set of circumstances, just like everything else in life. Anyway, sorry for the essay and thanks for the video :)

[@SednaWoo]

If only I was half this eloquent when analyzing topics like this one. I hope you don't mind that I've pinned your comment because I think it really fills in the gaps where my communication and my understanding is lacking. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this insight.

[@aceofspades3973]

@@SednaWoo wow, I'm so flattered! I'm glad you found it helpful

[@Stella-Evangeline]

Love this video! Personally I was drawn to calling myself an empath at first because it validated how sensitive I feel to the feelings of everyone around me. But I've come to realize I'm hypervigilant due to my upbringing in an abusive home. While it felt good for a while to see my trauma coping mechanisms as a kind of special superpower, I realized it's not actually psychologically healthy to encourage yourself to be enmeshed in the feelings of others. It's something I want to move AWAY from (not empathy itself, but the state of losing myself in other people). I want good emotional boundaries. Another aspect of the whole "empath" thing is I kind of think it sounds arrogant now. Like even when I identified as one I didn't go around telling people "yeah I'm an empath, I'm just so much better than everyone else at being compassionate" like.... it can come off as out of touch to other people. Which is ironic, because you'd think the people who brag about being empaths would be able to tell when they're annoying those around them XD

[@SednaWoo]

"you'd think the people who brag about being empaths would be able to tell when they're annoying those around them" - this made me chuckle. Thank you so much for sharing your insights. I wish I knew more about hypervigilance as a trauma response because that really really should have been in the video. Maybe I'll do a lot of reading and make a part two.

[@soup2634]

Great vid :) Good to see you back. Hoping that what you're going through gets better! Also, your ascetic is CUTEASFUCK. I stumbled upon the most wholesome ass subreddit that I bet you'd love: r/cottagecore EDIT: made this comment before the skirt reveal. My comment applies doubly!

[@Aliysium_]

There was a time when I connected with the concept of being an empath--somewhat from a woo standpoint. More recently, I've moved more into feeling like I fall under a "highly sensitive person"... But I get very tired of the people in that community making it more than it is. Often if you express that perhaps many people who feel they probably are an HSP are actually on the autism spectrum or have ADHD or some other psychological reason that explains why they get overwhelmed more easily by sensory input than the average person, they will get really offended. I do think that it comes down to people wanting to feel special, and boiling down something that makes people feel different to something easily explained with science really bothers people.... especially when it's not something they want to think about themselves.

[@SednaWoo]

oh my gosh yes. My husband would rather walk into the ocean than go to a social event but as soon as he walks through the door he's the life of the party. Is he an "ambivert"? no, he has ADHD :D And that's on actually getting diagnosed as neurodivergent and getting treatment instead of using personality tests.

[@phantaskitten]

I have recently figured out I'm a highly sensitive person (although I think "highly sensory person" is a better term). I see a lot of overlap between HSP and "empath" qualities. On another note I wonder if American culture / capitalism has made empathy less than the norm?

[@sabrinanaves7148]

I've had several people tell me over the years that they think I'm an empath. Not gonna lie, the ego enjoys hearing such things, but I know it's not real. I know this for several reasons. First, I've always believed that everyone is capable of empathy, if one takes to time to listen and be curious about what others are communicating. Second, because of the staggering number of times I've been wrong about something or been blind to something altogether. We have to be careful not to dismiss such moments. They keep us grounded. Third becuase I've witnessed people displaying more empathy after a revelation, some new information coming to light and bringing a change of perspective. I've also seen the reverse. Such volatility cannot be trusted as static or inherent. Empathy is real but we're all capable (or not) of practicing it to a degree depending on several factors, none of which are especially inherent to an individual.

[@KiraVexing]

I’ve had people ask what sign am I when we’re just meeting, and decide if they can be my friend or even continue talking to me based on that. They’ve judged my entire being on what time of year I was born. Really killed any fun with signs for me. I’m really glad I found your channel. A friend of mine has recently started witchcraft, and while I’m supportive and intrigued myself, I didn’t think there was a place for me in it as an atheist.

[@emmy-pg3ge]

thank you!!!!!!! it always strikes me as narcissistic when people say this.

[@vkestrel3519]

Great video. It’s exactly at times like this we all need a bit of critical thinking. Thanks for putting the Briggs Myer into context as entertainment! 👏

[@ireallylovecilantro]

YES! People take enneagrams and Myer’s tests as scientific just because they’re tests.

[@ditty88]

I feel called out 😅 Yeah, I've fell into the trap of trying to feel special, and I think it's hindering my ability to actually connect to people. Thanks for this, really!! I've been into astrology and metaphysical stuff for a while, and I think I'm just now realizing how its 'hurting' me.... anyways, thanks!! Can't wait to see more of you 😊

[@SednaWoo]

No one was called out harder in this video than myself :D

[@vivienneknits]

I’ve been working my way through your atheist witch related content and this video is really great. Thanks for sharing!!

[@empadalovers]

She's back 🎉🎉

[@starlostlovers]

Just found you and am in love with your chanel and you 💕 I'm an athiest and into eclectic/secular witchcraft, working on my personal practice, and it's so refreshing to find a fellow skeptic who talks about the woowoo but still practices and explores the ideas 💡

[@jessherselfable]

So pumped for you to hit 1k! I found your channel at 800 something and I knew you’d hit 1k very soon. :) I think you handled this topic well and it was a good reminder! Especially the introvert/extrovert bit. I’ve always identified as a extrovert but with the pandemic I’ve gone full introvert and been a little confused.

[@SednaWoo]

I'm so excited to be over 1k and I'm astounded tbh. I am also really bubbly and I always assumed that it meant I was an extrovert but I'm also really awkward and shy. I love social gatherings and time with other people but I have to beat myself up after and then take a nap. Not all the time but a lot of the time.

[@theskepticalwitch6611]

Wonderful video, thanks so much for making this! I’ve always been really suspicious of people who call themselves empaths... or I guess just suspicious of the term in general, because I think it is often used by people who want to feel special, and who tend to make things about them (even if it’s a global situation). I really enjoy your discussion on confirmation bias, and think it’s really interesting to consider in terms of a lot of elements in the “woo woo” (like all that “what kind of witch are you” or “10 signs you’re a witch!”), as I think people get too wrapped up in labels, and in needing boxes to put themselves in. Also, great points about astrology! I recently made a video on how I approach astrology as a skeptic, and it was really interesting to read about the various studies that have been done on how people will identify with personality descriptions supposedly made for them. Love your channel, and your down to earth approach to the woo! 😊

[@mathmindset]

Shane Dawson needs to watch this 😂😂 being an "empath" just means you have an exceptional emotional intelligence. You can teach people to be empathetic by telling them to notice body language, voice tone, and facial expressions. My husband and I joke about being able to read each other's minds, since we know what the other will say or how they feel, etc. But we are around each other every day, we have daily observations and experiences to draw from, which makes our thoughts and behaviors predictable like the weather 😂

[@ireallylovecilantro]

Very happy you’re back! You always bring up great conversations for people to have. It makes sense people are drawn to calling themselves “empaths” because it makes them feel special (as you mentioned the articles). I really think it’s emotional observation of others which resonates with the person. They’re maybe more “in-tuned” because the emotions may be a reflection of their own emotions or trauma. It’s great to be empathetic but as my therapist says, sympathy can mean more insight. He comments on this based on studies: he told me sympathy does not require the experience or resonance to understand or feel emotion while empathy may seem as a more self-derived reaction. I hope I explained it well. It’s nothing to say these feelings are invalid or wrong! However, as you eloquently put, I think it’s important to recognize we do not pigeonhole ourselves or think this means we have special abilities (I mean in a pseudoscience way) unless it’s really “your thing” (I don’t shame the “woo woo” but it’s not for me). 🌈✨Additionally, as I mentioned, I think neurodivergent people recognize emotions in other people and may be able to respond more compassionately or understand better because of their experiences. This is special because sharing lived experiences is meaningful (peer support) but not because of any unseen, unexplainable ability (HSP/empath/whatever).

[@Thewitchescookery]

What a great (and important) video once again! I just love the way you think and break down your message and your thought process. And no, it really doesn´t come off negative - actually, a lot more people should see this :D Congrats on 1K!!

[@notbroken4342]

Psychology is always one of my favourite subjects so I enjoyed this video very much. I first heard the term 'empath' on Star Trek The Next Generation so I thought it was strange when I discovered there were people who called themselves that and yet clearly they were not Betazoid. I used to describe myself as an emotional sponge, by which I meant that the moods of people I am close to or spend a lot of time with can effect me. I don't believe anyone who says they can sense the emotions of somebody living next door, but I do understand feeling overwhelmed by the presence of others. I think that terms like extrovert and introvert can work if they have a precise definition but people tend to use the terms fairly loosely so it's difficult to know what any given person actually means when they apply these terms. I do identify as an introvert and by that I mean I prefer that the majority of my time is spent alone or in company of one or two people I am close to, I tend to prefer to stay home and it is socialising or going out that makes me tired and it is alone time, with my own thoughts, reflections and interests that makes me feel restored. I have a friend who identifies as an extrovert and she has a limited tolerance for being alone or staying home.

[@SednaWoo]

I love the star trek reference. I'm a 90's kid so I was raised on star trek: the next generation. It sounds like you know yourself well and I think that's the most important thing.

[@micheller3251]

To anyone who identifies as an empath, my advice is do get a psych and/or neuropsychological evaluation. Things aren't always what they seem. Your experience is true, but the cause you attribute it to might not be.

[@LDT7Y]

Unless you are a psychopath who lacks real empathy, you will notice and be affected to some extent by the energy and emotion of people around you. Humans are social animals who are designed to respond to the group. This can be pushed to the extreme if you grew up in a chaotic or abusive environment and had to learn early on to pay a LOT of attention to the behaviour, mannerisms, tone of voice, etc of those around yuo in order to survive. But that is generally unhealthy and leads to codependency and other not-so-fun disorders in adulthood.

[@underthemooon]

Great video, this is interesting content and I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[@sopita2236]

Funny how I was revisiting astrology recently. I looked at my natal chart for the first time and I thought it was pretty accurate and didn’t seem vague at all. I still don’t believe that the position of the planets on your birthday have anything to do with your personality (really because a bit of it was totally wrong and it still sounds ridiculous), but maybe it’s not entirely made up either. Astrology is a very deep rabbit hole and it’s super confusing the more you read about it. It’s also kinda scary, I personally wouldn’t want to think my whole life depends on how the sky looked like when I was born. I’m really sorry to hear you haven’t been so well. As an ✨empath✨, I can really feel your ✨energy✨ through the video 🙃 Stay safe, hope things are better!!

[@SednaWoo]

I 100% agree about astrology being a rabbit hole. TBH if it were really I wouldn't want to screw around with it because I wouldn't want so much of my life prescribed by the sky either.

[@sabrinanaves7148]

Years ago I met a couple that were very vocal about being "empaths". I was having snacks with them and a mutual friend, and they started trying to "read me". Amused, I asked them what they thought. They both said that I must have been popular in high school. Spoiler alert: I wasn't 😆

[@meeksde]

Empath? Oh, you mean emotional busybodies.

[@SednaWoo]

this made me 😂

[@downsjmmyjones101]

Is it pigeonholing to say you like pizza or have a favorite food? Does eating food other than your favorite mean you don't like pizza more than any other?

[@ireallylovecilantro]

Is pizza a social construct?! 😱

[@downsjmmyjones101]

@@ireallylovecilantro I would say so.

[@phoenixdawn4108]

Correct. There could be multiple valid interpretations of someone's pupils dilating and a lot of the empath stuff happens to be bias confirmation of sorts...since they never get a true insight into what's happening deep down in someone's mind and honestly...sometimes I don't even know what is happening inside my own mind. Hahaha. I am quick to notice body language and all that but it's just because I was mistreated as child and so my survival depended on quickly understanding non-verbal cues. I think it's dangerous to take something like that and make it about being an empath for various reasons, but for some people it's about meaning-making...sensitive people often are made to feel not good enough and it hurts us more to feel that way so we develop the defense of believing that we are somehow special...but it actually just separates us from others and prevents us from learning how to cope. I can speak to how believing that I am an empath made me avoid complex social situations and how gradually developing a thicker skin helped me navigate the world better without believing magical stuff.