Are You Codependent? || Mayim Bialik

[@MayimBialik]

Thumbs up if you're an awesome double-threat, codependent casserole like me ;) ;)

[@thecaptain2281]

That was a good video. Very informative.

[@timpaszkiewicz7169]

That was a very good vlog. As a recovering acholic. The very first thing you have to do is look at your life. Then realize you have a problem.

[@DBYNOE]

Mayim Bialik Ok, I just listened to my life story, can you do one of these on what a healthy non-codependant person is? Btw, married long time w/o personal substance abuse issues, but come from a family that seems to swing between Narcissim and codependance, have done some therapy, but never arrived at a good definition or concrete example of the healthy position...still a work-in-progress for now.

[@hannahswan1193]

Me

[@MiguelDuboisSwarm]

It's been 5 months since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. Just now, I've been reading some articles about codependency, and coincidentaly you talk about this today. This makes me realize I was not entirely the one at fault in my previous relationship. I do have codependency issues, but I now realize my ex also had them. Thank you for talking about this Mayim. I love your videos.

[@maikeliebtkuchen7706]

I have had a codependent relationship for two years and the breakup had been really bad for both of us... that's when I have learned that a partner is not fulfilling your life but should be an extra to an already fulfilled life. I didn't know before and that's because codependent relationships are often idealised in love stories! I think that is really problematic for teens and grown ups, especially in first relationships. That's why I really appreciate you talking about this toxic relationships. Thanks for your video Mayim :)

[@ttsao0423]

wow the whole "codependent giver" as someone who self worth is contingent upon being needed or helpful :-( thats so me. thanks for sharing Mayim!

[@bornwithoutboundariestarot]

I'm so glad for these discussions because most people are very unclear on what Codependency is. Whitney Cummings also wrote a phenomenal blog about it. It helped me a great deal. At one point I realized ALL my boyfriends had been addicts... I was attacking a type and the realization helped me understand how to not keep repeating the cycle.

[@esb2mlb]

This hit hard for me! Every flash card you showed was me 100%. I'm struggling right now because my husband of 16 years just left me and I don't know where to get my confidence or self worth. But I decided to go to school to become a RN, and that has helped boost my self worth. I don't know who I am without him (we've been together since we were 16) but I'm trying to learn.

[@hannrkelley]

Monica B You're amazing, well done on going to uni!!! That's such a great step towards feeling complete within yourself. I think you'll be a-okay 👌.

[@dianaendo1742]

Monica, pick another career, I implore you. Been there, done that, it's bad, very, very bad.

[@melissasaint3283]

Are you getting therapy or counseling as well?

[@maitaminx]

Monica B Hope you discover & fall in love with the uniqueness in you. Love & light! 😊

[@Sunniespot]

I'm so sorry that your husband left you. I can not imagine how heartbroken you must feel. It's wonderful that you are becoming an RN! As you are looking for a greater sense of your own self worth I wanted to say putting religion at the center of your life leads to knowing that your value is INFINITE, without becoming egocentric. I hope you find love, fulfillment, and Joy!

[@jimluket]

Another great vid. Serious issues with humour. Just think Mayim, if you were a totally perfect, well adjusted person, there would be less videos on this channel. Yay for dysfunction! (not really) :)

[@MayimBialik]

My life just creates video content on its own! ;)

[@lusuzy2106]

I LOVE that you are being so honest about yourself. I've known people who are very codependent, and because they are in denial of it, they often bring so much stress to themselves and others. And I see them deprive most of their relationships because of such. And I always thought maybe this is just who they are and they will always be like this in relationships. But seeing you acknowledging it, working on it, and sharing with us with humour gives me some hope. Your case is a positive example of how can we maturely grow out of our insecurities! Thank you for that!

[@blackandblue5929]

I realized I have codependancy issues recently and you have helped me to understand without judging myself. I didn't know where to start but I do now. Reaching out for professional help is the best option. Thank you for talk about serious issues with humor, actually that helps me to embrace the acceptance fase better. You're the best!

[@dancingdog78]

My favorite video so far! I started out giggling and then just sat there nodding my head in agreement for the rest.

[@MBertok]

Fellow double threat here! Therapy does worlds for me. I can't stress that enough and appreciate your emphasis on this part of care, Mayim! Thank you!

[@mcanna5115]

I also have codependecy issues and i was so ashamed of that, thanks to therapy i have been able to work on it, is still hard and i have a long road ahead of me, but this kind of videos, that make me see that i'm not alone help me soooo much!! it make me feel stronger. Sincerely, THANK YOU Mayim, i love your videos!! (sorry for the bad grammar, not my first language)

[@nena1bomb]

I. ABSOLUTELY. LOVE. THIS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for making these. I struggled with people pleasing all my life and have been seriously taken advantage of because of it. There are so many people out in society that actually LOOK for co-dependent people to prey on and abuse!

[@kezkezooie8595]

"The fun, psychological casserole that is me"... Oh, Mayim, I do so love your videos. I can really relate to this one and I agree that mental health care is something everyone should have access to. Like you, I'm a bit of both when it comes to codependency issues and, like you, it is so very much a generational family thing that it was very hard to address and make changes to. It took a long time, lots of work and, even now, regular tweaking as I'm very aware that it can be easy to slip back into if I let myself, but now I can say I'm in a much happier, secure place, a much better friend, parent and partner and so very much happier within myself. Keep up the good work my dear and all the very best!

[@peslezedirou]

I admire your ability to open so publicly. It times of instagram it is very much needed:-)

[@rscampbell3]

Double trouble gal here from Glasgow. I am gradually becoming conscious of genuine mental health issues that I do actually suffer from. This video spoke to me so loudly. It’s so refreshing to hear a “celebrity” share these issues, and normalise themselves. Honestly, I had never considered therapy but will definitely, now. Thank you, grok gal pal!

[@mlighthart]

Wow, I honestly cannot thank you enough for this video! I feel codependency is one of the characteristics of mental illness that many people (including myself) don't like to admit or talk about...at least in my experience. This was really helpful and uplifting for me to see someone else with these traits.

[@meganomaniac222]

I'm right there with you, Mayim! It's honestly refreshing to hear how someone so intelligent, so esteemed, so "together", admit that she too, has the same problems as I do. Thank you for your videos, thank you for being you Dr. Bialik!

[@daniellogan3085]

This morning I came to KZbin to watch depressing music videos because last night I had a horrible fight with my husband. This video was the first one on my page. OMG! Mayim, this was hard to watch (denial) and it hurt but it's me! Thank you for sharing. I'll call my therapist and tell him we need to work on my codepedent life!

[@saraarrowsmith362]

Well done, this is indeed super-honest and very brave, I'm astonished. I've only found information on the "giver" side before, nothing on the "receiver" side (other than insults) and it really helps to know that you are just like me. I've had a whole ton of shame about this in the past. What's helped me is learning to love myself more and learning to deal with my own emotions better, and then I can be less needy around others for their continual support. I wrote a book about this but unfortunately my publisher rejected it.

[@karagraham9764]

Sara Arrowsmith Try another publisher. Check out the publisher of Ross Rosenberg

[@sie7995]

Dear, dear Mayim 🌹Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🙏🙏🙏We are so many. I mistook my codependency for empathy, passion and affection for many years. 😂😂😂😂😂 I didn’t have a clue, but was lucky to stumble into a fellowship, and it literally saved my life. 🙏Thank you for “coming out” as codependent. You are a true inspiration. 🙏🙏🙏

[@the_jedi_priestess3600]

“Perceiving your worth as contingent upon being needed or helpful” yep!! I love that so many people are being open about mental health now! Thank you so much for this video! I related to it too much :)

[@the_jedi_priestess3600]

I’m definitely both. In my last relationship I feared I didn’t have enough of something so I made up for it be being a giver with no boundaries lol

[@elishanain]

My giving is definitely the strongest. This past year, I will say I have done a good job of removing unhealthy, dependent relationships from my life. Still learning how to preserve energy for myself and how to say "NO." That word is gold for givers.

[@aditijain6691]

Thank You so very much Mayim for making such a relevant video! I never knew that the emotional turbulence I face has a name to it and can be cured! Makes me feel so much better to know that there is someone who has codependency issues and can share them publicly.

[@ericherman5413]

Thank you for being vulnerable. I watch this to feel seen. As a giver (if it were an extreme sport, I could compete hard core) the things I work on in therapy are hopefully leading me toward a better life.

[@Charlie-mb2eb]

It is so awesome that you make these videos talking about real life situations of yourself, or anyone else. I have the same issues at times and can definitely relate. Thank you for your openness.

[@stellamakrigianni608]

Major giver here Mayim. I have to add, givers are avoiding their own stuff by being always helpful.. Why aren't we just content... Thank you for sharing!

[@secundis]

Thank you for being vulnerable, doc. I am also a delightful swirl of both. Sending you hugs and support.

[@samanthacleland1512]

Thanks for making this video! I've been struggling with "de-meshing" myself from my ultra enmeshed family and it's just nice to know other people know what's up. Made me feel a lot better and had really interesting insight. Thanks again!

[@SpiralBreeze]

My parents are so codependent it's disgusting. It's ruined vacations and other activities. I'm starting to see the same in my sister and her husband. Neither couple can be away from each other for long and that's not healthy, and it's tiring to think that you can't be your own autonomous person and do your own thing without the other person.

[@lilmissmonsterrr]

Why not if they're both happy? Some couples genuinely just enjoy each other's company more than they like having other people around that they don't click as well with.

[@gabriellevalentino7319]

Its not necessarily unhealthy if it works for both. Just cause they enjoy being together doesn't make it codependency either. Its a lot more than that. Obviously you wouldn't work in a relationship like that because you like alone time but that doesn't mean its unhealthy

[@BisexualBeauty]

Hmmm deff see that it's more than that....do you have a partner or are you single...cuz sounds judgey if they arent fighting and enjoy the time together why hate on it?...my man and i are always together when he's not at work and I'm always with our daughter so we all spend a large amount of time together but i love it and when i don't i miss them soooo much.

[@enyabarrett3341]

It makes me SO happy when content creators have subtitles on their videos! THANKYOU!

[@DMills-un1tl]

This is a great topic to educate people on. I didn't realize I was a codependent, created as such by my codependent mother, until I was turned inside-out by a narcissist. When i learned what he was I also learned about myself and WISHED TO GOD I had known that about me 25 years sooner. If you know you can watch for the red flags, change your behaviour and avoid the sociopaths that take advantage of the givers. Thanks for spotlighting this Mayim.

[@mariacyou9265]

You are my imaginary friend (much younger, but much smarter), my mentor and therapist. I am grateful for discovering your channel. Thank you Mayim for being you.

[@Labyriiiinth]

when someone opens up to me, mostly my friends, they just want me to listen and be there..but i always end up telling them things that they should do, and if they didn't do it i'll get upset...so it kinda annoys them..and i've been working on it, i'm trying to stop myself everytime and just listen to them and not take over or be in control on what they should do...Thanks for another great video Mayim!! and thanks for the laugh, i needed that!! xoxo

[@lovelyana4003]

OMGosh!!! I ran into this today, I had no idea! I think you are amazing in The Big Bang Theory!!! Thank you for this video, I am Codependent and have searched many videos here. Lisa A. Romano, Ross Rosenberg, Meredith Miller... to name a few! Now yours... woo hoo! Love you girl, stay amazing!

[@Sunrazor]

O my god... you hit it spot on. I have got to stop trying to fix others. I actually have the benefit of living in a country where I can get therapy without being wealthy. It's hard to get it but possible if persistent. I have some form of anxiety disorder and I get therapy through work but it seems to be one of those "learn to live with it" things. Which is hard. You seem like a very warm person and I like watching your videos. Keep up the good work :)

[@lilic5356]

You are a true inspiration for me. You really opened me to the idea that mental health is important. Thanks to you, I’m able to better take care of myself. Keep going like this , you’re doing humanity some real good 💜❤️💛

[@shannonaitken6766]

I admire her ability to put her videos out there and be so honest in them. 👏 Love her.

[@astarialredquill807]

I'v never thought of my depression or life drama as a "physiological casserole", but that just made my morning and made me smile!

[@ankithamattam6567]

My love for Amy was the reason why I subscribed to your channel. Now I am graduating towards falling in love with Mayim. Thank you for all the content you upload:)

[@hotdrippyglass]

My Dear Doctor, you put the Fun in DisFunctional. Seriously, thanks for sharing this aspect of yourself with us. There are still a lot of us groping in the dark on a lot of topics and this one doesn't make it to the classrooms or the dinner tables.

[@debbykoning26]

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[@allisonlangford2870]

I'm a double threat toooooo!!! Thanks for your clear and light hearted honesty. My inner bully beats the crap out of me because of these issues... Ugh Please keep your thoughtful videos coming... Thanks for helping me feel less alone... Hugs

[@makaiyasimmons7127]

You're my hero. Mental health is something that very few people understand, even my partner was totally ignorant for some time thinking I was just "being emotional" when I would cry for absolutely no reason. False! That's my depression rearing it's ugly head and I have to work on it everyday. I also have to work on the fact that I feel sad every time he chooses to hangout with his friends and leaves me alone feeling unwanted... is that being codependent? lol. Thanks Mayim!

[@maggiemacha5552]

Awesome video, I have been working on co-depency issues for the last 5 years or so. It runs rampant in my family. I am so grateful for your authenticity. This video gets a big thumbs up. I also want to compliment your great sense of humor

[@MissCuttie84]

Thank you for this video❤ I used to be codependent and I think that it's what, among other reasons, broke my 9 years relationship... And I was a double treat 😭 Therapy surely helped me a lot. I got hypnotized several times(my hypnotherapist is also a nurse) and it's been one of the best thing I did for myself. It did not bring my love back but it surely changed me for the best. Thanks for being such an inspiration 😘

[@RubyRobbins88]

I grew up with a co-dependent mom and this has been passed on to me as well. I've been more on the giver side and ended up in two separate relationships that involve narcissistic abuse. Therapy, even for a short time, has done wonders to help me navigate what happened and it has also taught me to develop healthy boundaries for myself. I am able to take care of myself and still give where is needed without going overboard. I'd say I'm in the recovering co-dependent stage as many of my co-dependent traits have faded away....mostly. I'm just happy that recovery is possible :)

[@MandyHieatt1]

I am co-dependent on both sides and am also working on this. Thank you for this video! 💜

[@teodorabachkarova1662]

I love how authentic your videos are and how honest you are. I love that you talk about stuff that other people are ashamed of. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and how you cope with them. ❤

[@jackiesharpe1638]

Thank you Mayim for your videos, in general, and more specifically, those on mental health. I, like you, am a double threat. I live in Canada and am fortunate enough to have access to regular therapy. Codependency is rarely spoken about and I always thought that it was just a result of my anxiety, OCD and Borderline personality disorder. I have come to learn that it is yet another amazing facet of my complicated mental health. Thank you for giving light to the various areas of mental health. You are helping to educate and de-stigmatize these health issues. Brava!

[@asnie607]

Mayim, you are so honest, self-reflection and smart; I kinda have a prejudice that people who engaged in scientific research are tended to be remote and over rational, now that seeing you, I realized I was completely wrong, you are such a perfect complex. Love U.

[@Stephaniebeav]

Thank you again for another great video. I am very happy you addressed this, especially that you can be both sides of codependent. Most people I have discussed this with seem to see it as black or white, you can't be both. Its refreshing to know I am not alone in feeling that you can be both.

[@xxkylexyxx]

Thanks for sharing! I've been getting therapy for the past couple months and seem to struggle to explain what I'm going through to my therapist. This video is spot on and I feel like I've learned something new about myself!

[@Katyayanibetha]

My codependency doesn't really express itself in those ways. I'm not really needy of others, and I don't feel like I have to give to others in order to be accepted, but what I DO engage in is that I will too often accept and overlook bad treatment from others (whether subtle or not), in order to preserve the relationship. I'll allow myself to be harmed in order to save the relationship. Since I became aware of this 6 years ago though, I've really been working on it, so I don't do it anymore much, but it's a tendency I have to really watch out for.

[@May04bwu]

I used to be the same but then I decided I have to do something about myself because being dependant on my partner was making me even more insecure. I stayed in the relationship just because I was afraid of being alone and eventually I realized I have to change. I've been single for 2 years now, focusing on school and other activities. My confidence is not that perfect yet but I definitely feel like I made some progress :)

[@antonionunez3759]

+May04bwu Good for you on being independent. There nothing wrong in being in a relationship but if it just to fill your need of not being alone then your right. That doesn't help oneselves confidence what so ever. One day you'll be in a relationship again but by that time I'm sure that you'll be more confident about yourself and won't be needing another person to fill your insecurities.

[@May04bwu]

+Antonio Nuñez What a nice comment, thank you! :)

[@antonionunez3759]

+May04bwu Your very welcome.

[@martagomez-taylor6237]

Mayim! Thank you for shedding light on this! Codependency tends to function as an addiction, too, which is why there is also an organization called Codependents Anonymous, or CodA!

[@ItsMattF]

I feel like you were channelling your inner comedic-Iliza-lady-dragon in the close-up. I really appreciate these videos.

[@janebutz5375]

Thanks for your vulnerability and for clearly explaining this sometimes confusing topic. We are raised to think this is how relationships work, but it's not how healthy relationships work. And thanks for mentioning Al-Anon. It's truly helpful and very cost-effective! Chip in a buck or not, your choice.

[@zoologyart7719]

Thank you so much Mayim for this topic! Throughout your video I felt as if you were describing me. Please do not stop making such content. Also I cannot afford weekly mental therapy. It would be very helpful if you can help people like us find a solution through your videos. Thank you so much again.

[@robinsiciliano9084]

Thank you for sharing this information in a light hearted manner that makes hearing this so much easier. I know I’m a giver and I’m guessing a receiver too. Much easier to hear this from someone who’s hilarious and can relate.

[@OliverMazzyandDaddy]

I grew up on welfare, raised by a single mother who had no business raising children. My grandmother was cruel, manipulative and petty; she enjoyed humiliating those who dared to disagree with her. My grandmother also took any opportunity to explain that my mother was crazy, to her ten year old grandson. My best friends parents were alcoholics and manic depressives. If there exists a normal healthy and nurturing relationship between two people, I have yet to find it. I finally went to college, became an engineer and love my daughter and son more than words can describe. You're extremely intelligent and you have a mind that never gets tired of analysis on several levels all at once. From my perspective, you're healthy and sane, just rather passionate and protective.

[@11thsm]

I’m not codependent when I’m alone but as soon as a potential partner shows up I literally feel my neediness and clingy ness starting. I can’t seem to stay rooted in my ‘self’. I am going to call for some therapy tomorrow. I have to break this habit. I’m 55 and want a to experience healthy relationship and evidently I’m not healthy (yet). Great video.

[@deanwhite9386]

my broken got broken and pieces are coming back together. I have always hand a constant resilience that kept me together during my brother's suicide. Great work Mayim Bialik! You make me feel normal again. ( just kidding ) I hope you find all your issues and express them appropriately, we need your help learning that.

[@jimaleekell5433]

First of all...THANK YOU!! I share a lot of similar issues. Also vegan is awsome! It relieves me soo much to hear your open,candid approach. You are so inspiring, and funny. Also I LOVE you on the big bang!

[@MyJewishMommyLife]

Thank you for sharing this, I love it and find it really helpful!

[@carlosjtorotorres5451]

WOW!!! Mayim I didn't know that you're a codependent person ; this video/confession really surprised me in a good way because I happen to be this way myself & you brought it up clearly & gracefully You've definitely come a long way since "Blossom" & to finally see the Real you reveal your self esteem issues helped me better understand & respect who you really are as a humble human being

[@annieshaw6107]

I love this video, you, and that you talk about AA and al-anon too. CoDA (co dependants anonymous) is a massive help for me and has helped me at least recognise and start to work on my codependent behaviour. Also a double threat here 😂🙌🏻

[@katerinaluv2806]

I really needed this. I love how you're so honest in your videos about things you feel. You're helping me though some rough time right now, simply by being relatable. Thank you Mayim

[@Momma_Vanessa]

I applaud you for this video. I get it. Boy do I get it. Great job!

[@amandaball55]

Thank you for making this content! I feel ashamed I’ve just realised I’m codependent you are keeping it real. Even famous people deal with it. Looking forward to watching your subsequent videos. Peace out from Australia :)

[@toaster6529]

Your videos are the highlight of my week! You help me accept myself and other people. You're my role model, Mayim.

[@chrystalcalrow5459]

Thank you Mayim for being so honest about yourself and for caring about the people who don’t get to see a counselor. You are truly amazing. I love watching your videos. Chrystal Calrow

[@Katyayanibetha]

I realized I was co-dependent in 2013, and it was a huge realization that allowed me to make adjustments that changed my life for so much better. My co-depenency is different than you describe, however. Rather than being co-dependent in terms of needing something from someone, for me it's more than I would not speak up in abusive situations in order to preserve the relationship, whether romantic, or an employer, friendship, etc. So, I would allow myself to be harmed because I was so dependent on my connection with the other person. I'm not the type of person that gets in and out of romantic relationships though, so I didn't repeat that a lot in that area, but it did occur. Just before my realization in 2013, it happened with an employer who had also been a long-time friend. I didn't speak up when he was being completely inappropriate (not sexually, but very abusive in other ways), and I really loved the job so much and didn't want to lose it, so I would overlook it. It always gets worse though, and you end up losing the thing you're trying not to anyway. I ended up in an extremely traumatic situation. If I had spoken up earlier, I could have left the situation in control of what happened to me more, rather than what did happen. So, I've really been working on that since then, and now I really make an effort to stay conscious and speak up when it's needed, rather than pretending things are okay when they are not. I'm very independent though when it comes to other types of healthy relationships that aren't abusive. I don't exhibit co-dependent tendencies toward people I don't fear losing a connection with. With them, I feel comfortable saying what I really think and feel. Now, I've learned to recognize when someone is even being abusive, as that was a part of it for me before. My home life was great as a kid, but I was bullied and made to feel inferior from the first day of elementary school. Every day I was sent back to school, it was ingrained in me that I had to accept abuse. So, I didn't even recognize sometimes when someone was being in a way that I should reject and not have anything to do with them anyway. I've accepted so much behavior towards me in my life that I'm not comfortable with. I can honestly say now that these last five years have definitely allowed me the opportunity to do some 'clean-up' in my life, and I've made a lot of progress in removing toxic relationships from my life. I'm very grateful for that. Toxic people have been one of the most detrimental influences in my life. I'm so extremely disciplined when it comes to diet and lifestyle, I only eat organic vegan food, alcohol hasn't touched my lips in 20 years, I have mastered the discipline required to really take care of myself. However, my health has still been completely destroyed over and over again by toxic people! that I didn't recognize I needed to expel from my life. Working on recovering my health now from that, with a lot of time to myself to make sure it doesn't happen anymore. This is one of the reasons also that I'm opposed to the way our education system is run. It's insane to me to teach kids math, science, art, and all the things they learn in school if they aren't even being taught how to treat each other. So many kids like me are taught to accept abuse because they have to accept what happens to them at school just to even be there, and then we wonder why there's so many school shootings. Kids are better off home-schooled unless they are in a very small school where these issues are actually paid attention to. I know that they exist. I also recognize it's not always possible for parents, as well. I was in that group, having to work with no ability to home-school - I tried for a semester though, really tried. Basically I agree with all that John Taylor Gatto says about our schooling system. Great video! Thank you so much for your thoughts.

[@antonionunez3759]

+Mayim Bialik The fact that you are acknowledging that you have this problem. Show that you are at least are aware of it and is handling it head on. So that's show, at least to me, that you are not that greedy about yourself and that you are working on becoming a better person from it.

[@Bloodhoundfostermom]

So informative...I've been in a relationship with a abusive drug addict/alcoholic for 10 years...I recently ended it but he left a multitude of damage behind...kind of like the aftermath of a tornado

[@CaliHinojosaVids]

I’m still so glad you decided to make a KZbin channel.

[@HimadriPandya]

Hey Mayim! Watching your videos is always like "hey! That's just like how i think and feel! It's so me !" I just want to thank you for discussing these things. It's exciting as well as soothing at the same time. It makes me feel like "it's okay to think, act and feel in that way" Keeping such meaningful videos. Lots of love 😊

[@akimikakisaki]

Can’t believe I’m just watching this. I wish this would’ve been available a few years ago... I’m just glad I got to watch it at all. Thanks Mayim! #teamDoubleThreat

[@christinedarrock8486]

You touched a nerve - but with humour and candour, and I thank you for that!

[@godivaodonata]

I agree that mental health care should be affordable. But the biggest hurdle for me and my loved ones has been availability: There don't seem to be many (any?) providers who offer late afternoon, evening, or weekend appointments.

[@JJ-qz5gv]

I unknowingly became a giver in a friendship for 10 years (felt great to be needed!). 10 years later, I see how this has limited me from expanding socially. I was very busy devoting all my time to this friendship. Hard to start over socially after spending all my time with this one friend.

[@absent12]

Mayim. You have just started on a journey within myself. Thank you so much for this! I think I'm a double threat too. I've been wrecking my relationships because of this! And never knew!!!

[@jasonbean7296]

About 15 years ago at the winter holidays, my sister gave me a gift in Christmas wrap just before she left. "Don't open this until I'm gone!", she said with a sly smile. I was intrigued. I could tell it was a book. Motivational, inspirational, perhaps? She knows I'm fond of such things. It was, but it was also insulting. "Beyond Codependecy" the title read. Mayim, I had loaned my sister a book titled "Under the Influence" two decades earlier. Our father and his sister, our aunt, were both hard core alcoholics. They were also brilliant. He was a university professor and certified Mensa genius. She was a textbook editor. Being intelligent is no bar to making poor choices. I had already thoroughly researched the topic. Two decades before she even took an interest. There's a prejudice, an enduring stigma, attached to alcoholism. For the uneducated, it's thought to be a character flaw. It's not. It's a metabolic disorder. It has more in common with diabetes and eating disorders than with drug addiction. And yes, the codependent relationship does play into it. With my father and mother, he was the addict, she the enabler. My aunt, however, was a recluse. The final 18 years of her life, she lived alone. She worked from home as a freelance editor. She had two cats and a dog, and some nice neighbors and old friends who looked in on her from time to time. For a decade, I would drive from Tampa to Tallahassee for a weekend visit, twice a year. She always received me graciously, but was glad to see me leave, as well. She didn't have a codependent. So when my sister gave me this book, I recognized it as an insult. She was suggesting I was an alcoholic and our mother was my enabler. And she didn't have the courage to give it to me face to face. I was furious. I ripped it in half and threw it on the fire. I already knew the contents; I had been researching the topic for 35 years! Alcoholism is a physiological disorder with a strong genetic component. My father was an alcoholic; my aunt was an alcoholic; it's highly likely both of my grandfathers were alcoholics. One was a bootlegger, the other a rum runner, during Prohibition. It's more likely than not that my sister is an alcoholic, with her husband as her enabler. I'm glad to learn that you're in therapy, and that it's working for you. I've had counseling myself. After my ex wife had her first affair, I became deeply depressed. I realized I had a problem, so I sought help. I worked with a great gal, recommended to me by my former pastor. She pointed out that I probably had self esteem issues, from the verbal abuse I had endured by my father. In addition to our sessions, she recommended "Getting the Love you Want" and "The Five Love Languages". Those really helped. On her own, my ex wife sought therapy. There came the day she wanted to see me, as well. We walked into her office, and the first thing I saw was a Jimi Hendrix poster. I knew I was in a safe place.:) A few years after the divorce, I felt I needed a little help again. I asked my female physician, and she recommended another female counselor. This one was a dud. I told her I was drinking too much, and needed to see a dietitian and physician. I was looking for referrals. She just rolled her eyes and said, "Have you tried just not drinking?" I told her I would mail her a check. I wonder if she's still waiting for it?:)

[@mychaospeace]

Being a double threat is banana crazy! I will be trying to please my family, then take care of myself by speaking up. Family gets hurt and I turn around and cling to them by soothing thier hurt feelings and forgetting myself. The cycle never ends!

[@toffeefuchs]

I used to be very codependent in my last relationship (both in giving and taking) and then when I noticed that things are coming to an end there, I was very scared to end the relationship because I felt like I needed my partner as emotional crutch. The relationship was a long-distance relationship and this combined with my codependence led me to ignore problems for the longest time. But from ending that relationship, I learnt that, after a brief period of feeling horrible like any human being after a break-up, I am alright. I've been single for 3 years and I'm fine. I can survive on my own. I am even very happy on my own. I enjoy the freedom that being single gives me, because I am I a stage of life where I have no idea what the future will bring. Really, I don't even know what country I will live in in 4 years. My confidence is not perfect yet, often I still feel overwhelmed and anxious and lost. But now I know that I can handle those feelings. I can work on myself without needing a partner and that knowledge feels good. I hope that in any future relationship, I don't slip back into being codependent.

[@samyramyla]

The generosity in your vids amazes me. Thank you for sharing all this! It is incredibly comforting!

[@shuchitashukladubey1732]

This feature is forward looking, genuine humorous, real, to the point. Wow Mayim!

[@LauraAnn1980]

Oh boy do I understand this. I am an adult child of alcoholism as well as the spouse of a partner in recovery from alcoholism (been sober for 4 years we have been married for 12). I had no idea what a boundary was until 4 years ago and I didn't understand how to set or enforce boundaries until 2 years ago. I went to Al Anon for a while but the 12 step model did not do it for me. Thankfully I have been blessed to have insurance that covers therapy with no copay. What's worked for me is a lot of Inner Child work, EMDR, and mindfulness. I'm still a work in bbn progress but a far cry from who I was 4 years ago.

[@MattLopez]

Definitely me 😕 Like, I want to be alone, but then I get super down and lonely because I want to be around people. Like, I want to be with people, but keep to myself 😕

[@charyanngutierrez790]

Matt Lopez me too

[@thecousins6383]

Exactly!

[@ducklingscap897]

I think you might be just introverted. At least that sentence is very typical for introverts.

[@thecousins6383]

Chiye yes i am!

[@MattLopez]

Chiye Yes, I'm actually an INFP personality

[@wingsofescape]

I feel like you looked into my soul and saw all my codependent characteristics. Hopefully we’ll get better one day!

[@liouting]

Ironically started watching this while I have been realizing these traits and there it is a video. I am exactly like you! It’s frustrating and I think it will be good to go to therapy.

[@lynnenewell8477]

I'm definitely a co-dependent casserole; however, I'm getting help through therapy. Keep the videos coming!

[@annabelglas4615]

In The Netherlands I work as a metel health counseler in a general practisheners office. This is happening more and more in this country. It is easy for peaple to acces and always covered by even the most basic (and oblicitory) healthinsurense. I love supporting people this way, and if more intence thereapy is needed I can catch it quick and refer peaple to the right places.

[@marmotgamer8437]

I used to be extremly codependet! Now that I’m 31 I’m taking baby steps to stop being codependent and every decision I make that makes me realize that I stoping to be codependent makes me feel soooo good and that starts to level up my self-esteem! The first thing you got to do y learn how to say NO!

[@begoniatabriz6828]

I am, too, For me this is because of a narcissistic mother who managed to spoil the person I would have been if I was lucky enough to have loving parents.

[@karanolan]

begonia tabriz narcisstic mothers ftw. No one can make you feel like it is your job to take care of EVERYONE better than a narcisstic mother. Not to mention any problems you cannot solve for others are a personal failing your part.

[@jens8487]

Same here! 😩

[@sandy-ke1kr]

Just remember someone did that to her and she passed it along. It's probably been passed down from generation to generation. The good news is that you have plenty of time to grow and learn so that you can be more of who you were meant to be. It's not too late. Just not passing it down to the next generation is an amazing accomplishment. Even if you don't have children, it can stop with you and that is a great purpose for your life. It will help if you can forgive your Mother for something that was probably created in her in her childhood. Forgiving her makes it easier to let go. Therapy is really good if you can afford it. They also have Codependent Anonymous and many books on the subject as you probably already know. Wishing you the best.

[@Dollily]

Same. I’ve finally forgiven my own mother for her terrible narcissism because it’s not her fault. It’s tough to let it all go but I feel free now. The most important thing is that we are self aware of what their behaviour has done to us. We can let it stop with us and enjoy our lives as we were meant to.

[@beccathompson7635]

My codependency is from a narcissistic father. He made me feel as if my needs were selfish but his moods and needs were something for which I was responsible. 😔

[@alessandroarcuri209]

You're a treat! ^_^ (and you forgot to check the "self irony" box, you have tons of that, and that's soooo endearing!)

[@zero-cd9zs]

i think i am both as well, and i will bring this up with my therapist as well. this is the second time ive heard of codedendency. thank you for sharing this..

[@pumpkinmomma155]

Omg you're the cutest! You crack me up! I love your videos because you're so relatable. ❤

[@andromedafinn7366]

Awesome content and your humor sense is fascinating, you're right when say mental health access should be for everyone in whatever country developed or not, but unfortunately isn't in that way. Greetings from Colombia

[@juliannaokike31]

I like to give just as much as I receive. I feel like some people may not see me that way but I understand.

[@LauriPorteña]

I am a double threat, too, Mayim! In Chile mental health is also expensive and our system does not cover it as it should. Toda Raba and Chag Pesach Sameach!

[@sonpamelinha]

we all need to speak more and openly about mental health issues. Thanks for this great video