Meanwhile… Paltrow Loves Spanx | Costco Ozempic | Coin Flip Math | Star Wars Blue Milk

Meanwhile… Gwyneth Paltrow confessed to an obsession with Spanx, Costco is selling the latest weight loss drugs, the odds on a coin toss aren’t exactly 50/50, and the blue milk from the “Star Wars” films is about to hit store shelves.
#Colbert #Comedy #Meanwhile
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

[@zeroreyortsed3624]

The arms race between the writer's scripts and stephen's lung capacity is hilarious. The opening just keeps getting more convoluted.😂

[@karezaalonso7110]

I think it actually used to be longer and they cut it down,

[@lynemac2539]

Probably on doctor's orders!

[@kitcoffey7194]

My favorite part is when he says, "Sometimes... SOMETIMES..."

[@TheSkylayne]

As long as he says topical everytime I’m good 😂

[@MM-iy7gz]

In these divided times, can we at least agree that Gwyneth Paltrow should go away?

[@tinkerstrade3553]

Frankly, I've never been impressed by her. But then, I'm anti Botox.

[@edkrzywdzinski9121]

When did she go insane? She seemed nice to begin with and had some decent movies under her belt.

[@bethany2820]

@@edkrzywdzinski9121I think it’s like Tom Cruise… they’ve always been nuts, but they eventually reached a point of fame and wealth that they no longer cared about hiding it from the public

[@Teeveepicksures]

It may be the only things keeping the country together.

[@kazuma7232]

Aye, I could do that.

[@TheloniousCube]

"milk got?" - they should use it and they should pay your writers!

[@user-mg7cu6sn8f]

Thank you for pointing out the ludicrosity called Palthow

[@donjones4719]

Once you've typed Paltrow you don't have to type out ludicrosity . :D

[@Dbb27]

She’s a hot mess. Hard to figure anyone would follow her. Glad to see the shine coming off of her.

[@coma_TOES]

@@donjones4719 It's spelled *G O O P*

[@tonyhsloanejr]

So the new move for Panera is to take away what people want most. Quality.

[@dannywolfpero]

They've been doing that for years

[@Maya_Pinion]

Or info bout hormones. Do you know how to make a hormone---- Shhhh( sorry) 😔 * Don't pay her.*

[@CannotBBlank]

Exactly. It's why I eat there, participate in their frequent buyer program... I can't be the only customer they will lose.

[@benn454]

BUT THINK OF THE SHORT TERM PROFITS - C Suite execs as they prepare their golden parachutes

[@repealthepatriotact]

No, the new move is to package the company as attractively as possible for investors who may or may not be as concerned about organic and quality marketing. Nothing new, companies do it all the time. It's up to the new shareholders to push the board members to keep the quality high. We'll find out in 12 months.......

[@GummyBearWA]

When I introduced my 9yo grandson to the SW universe, he thought the blue milk was magic. On his tenth birthday, I made him blue milk to have with his Yoda bday cake. He flipped out.

[@DarkMatter-no3td]

@GummyBearWA Flipped out, he did... The force must be strong within the young Padawan. Train him, you must! 🙃🙂

[@BullShitThat]

Take him to Ep 10 did you, disappointed he was, when he saw the true magic of fresh blue milk 🤢

[@bluegreenglue6565]

@@BullShitThat : D

[@sevenprovinces]

In his adolescent years, NEVER invite him to a Breaking Bad marathon! All joking aside, that's cute!

[@Canuckmom128]

Ahhh…the Power of Grandmas who are home Bakers, to impress the Grands. Great touch with the Blue Milk accompaniment !

[@ayceod]

The fact that we're only slightly phased when an already overpriced fast food restaurant announces it will be DECREASING quality without any change to their pricing is absolutely insane...

[@olorin4317]

I heard that new blue milk now has 30% less Smurf.

[@DissectGibberish]

I love it!!! 😆😆😆😆😆

[@theseinstrumentals]

Wow, blue milk for sale. Finally. Too bad no one’s had access to food coloring for the past 50 years lol

[@crptnite]

Or a few blueberries and a blender.

[@ronbingham1601]

Australia has had blue syrup for decades (called Blue Heaven). It makes an awesome milkshake.

[@GrandLotus-Iroh]

I honestly didn't think Panera's food quality could get any worse.

[@repealthepatriotact]

@GrandLotus-Iroh What other sandwich chain are you comparing it to??

[@Ryfolamf]

Once again, drifters and bindles do the heavy lifting for Meanwhile.

[@malavoy1]

Better than the grifters and swindlers that do the heavy lifting in congress.

[@victoriabaker4400]

​@@malavoy1Republicans

[@benn454]

​@@victoriabaker4400Yes, but really all of them, sadly.

[@Muzikrazy213]

​@@malavoy1 Well done👏

[@victoriabaker4400]

@@benn454 I don't agree. And, when Democrats have been grifters or are corrupt, they get drummed out of the corps. Unlike Republican Party, where they are celebrated for a job well done.

[@laalaa99stl]

I'd buy a blue "Milk Got?" t-shirt.

[@jeffs6090]

Mmm, buy that shirt I would. Buy, or buy not. There is no try on.

[@itsmeprasad1987]

@@jeffs6090Costco YODA

[@ltberzerker9966]

Too, me.

[@MrChupacabra555]

I don't know, after "Last Jedi" showed us that the milk comes from the teats of strangely humanoid, possibly intelligent Alien Sea Manatees. I'm not that jazzed to drink it now 😅😂

[@johnlee7164]

@@jeffs6090 next day amazon prime deliver, mmh? blue lactose intollerant actually i am.

[@napalmholocaust9093]

47 years is a long time to milk a movie.

[@SwiftJustice]

Antifascism never goes out of style

[@DarkMatter-no3td]

@napalmholocaust9093 Maybe that's y the milk is blue. 😁 Just beware of the yellow snow....🤣😂

[@malavoy1]

When Disney gets involved, they'll milk it dry then sell it as powdered milk, just add your own water.😁😁

[@TheZotmeister]

Underrated comment.

[@JeannetteReed]

Yes Star. War's marketing began a whole phase of cashing in on a movie. TV ads during sentimental movies chop film time. 47 yrs make a newbie to squeezers of biblical, family, holiday, or you name it. Gone w Ten Wonderful Life at You, Kid Commandments. The uncut version is sometimes a revelation! It Happened One Night eg.

[@Awoken_Remmuz]

Panera cutting cost, what investors and higher ups not getting enough money for penthouses and yachts?

[@That-Guy_]

They are also switching to par baked frozen bread and getting rid of the bakers.

[@user-sv9nb8ky2t]

Nothing says quality like CEO bonuses.

[@kylecarey4189]

Subway > Panera. Panera has been absolute shit for years. Portions, quality have been reduced over and over

[@RustOnWheels]

Yup, when businesses go to market their business plan changes from selling (quality) products to making money for stock holders, which is almost mutually exclusive. Seen it so effing many times…

[@auralangst6177]

Trickle down!

[@TheDanishGuyReviews]

The Coin Flip not being exactly 50/50 has itself been known for some years now. It's the percentage and the coin flip study that's new.

[@sparkleyard]

Methodologically investigating an assumption is kinda the point of science

[@Seigensi]

if you throw the coin at someone the result will always be the same.

[@tonymarsh8436]

Boring. Dude. Boring.

[@jupiterkansas]

you're not invited to my party

[@rumpvirus7393]

If you drop the coin over a sewer grate it will statistically not land on either side and go through the slots. The same law applies to cell phones.

[@hervigdewilde3599]

"All chaps are assless." - Raj Koothrappali

[@victoriabaker4400]

Sure, but the phrase has a real ring to it. 😂

[@rgwak]

350,757 is a big number. Not as big as the amount of money t'rump owes for being a fraud, but still, pretty big number. 🤣

[@Licayn]

To the dingdong talking about the election, the only verifiable election fraud was committed by Republicans. Good job doing no research

[@lundworks9901]

My friend back in high school put blue color in her milk when she drank it in her rainbow glass with clouds so "the sky looked normal".

[@richardmiller9883]

No Moonwhile today?

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

That would have been PERFECT! Right up there with, "A Closer Lick", from Meyers! (Ice Cream with Biden)

[@roterstern1301]

5:13 is that the definition of "hit and run"?

[@rhetoricalquestion6009]

_Star Wars_ blue milk: for those going-nowhere, stuck-on-the-farm blues.

[@NewMessage]

"It puts the olives on the pizza, or else it gets no tip again!"

[@lazyperfectionist1]

5:03 🤷‍♂Well, sure. Why not? It's still a gym and the equipment still works.

[@rhetoricalquestion6009]

3:14 Panera dropping its "no antibiotics ever" promise? Well, if it's good enough for Chick-fil-A ... _[Meanwhile… Antibiotics In Chick-fil-A_ • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert • Mar 28, 2024]

[@evancairo]

When i was working at blues clues in 1998 i remember them doing a cross promotion with motts apple sauce that ended up turning all the kids' faeces a bright shade of blue and had to recall the product from all stores. How quickly we forget the past and rush to hubris again!

[@jacquejac1840]

I'm not sure if you meant faces or feces. Either way is interesting.

[@Kitty8791]

Smurf Berry Crunch cereal had a similar issue w/ blue & red stool (that'd be the smurfberries) leading to the formula being tweaked in 1987 & re-released as Smurf Magic Berries, before eventually being discontinued.

[@malavoy1]

Blue buttercream frosting does the same thing. 😁😁

[@terryhunt2659]

And why would this be a problem? When I spent a long weekend in Dublin, I noticed that my increased Guinness consumption turned my stools black; various foodstuffs and drinks can affect urine colour (and smell). All harmless: digestion is not magic - what goes in somewhat influences what comes out a day or three later, it's not hard to put two and two together unless one is _very_ stupid.

[@Taricus]

@@terryhunt2659 I'm one of those people with the rarer genetic mutation that when I eat beats, I pee red or pink LOL! It always freaks me out at first and then I'm like, "Oh, yeah, I ate beets..." LOL! My body doesn't process whatever it is that makes the red color in beets. It just passes through me LOL!

[@ursaltydog]

IF Panera uses less costly ingredients, betta go down on those prices to match the quality.. or conscience of the patrons.. :)

[@tedhennings4746]

I’d pay money to hear the late show band do a full show

[@stephenjames2951]

Ok the treadmill joke worked

[@trinleywangmo]

The Panera Joke was gold!

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Coin flips have always assumed both sides of the coin are equal, but both sides have different images on their uneven surfaces. Do coin makers go to the trouble of weighing each side as they design the coin? I don’t think they go to all that trouble.

[@connycontainer9459]

It's usually equal screen time though.

[@tonymarsh8436]

Boring. Dude. Boring

[@Taricus]

He was saying whatever side you started on.... Which means they were both pretty equal in doing the same thing... In statistics that is saying that the results of the experiment are based on the initial conditions. --But if you think about it, it's just dumb. Maybe it's the way he flips it? That means what he's saying is a variable that has an effect on the response is just a confounding variable.

[@steveschulte8696]

Another boring comment. The coin rotates around its center of gravity in a vacuum. The results may be biased by the initial conditions, one side up, or by the rotational velocity versus the height of the toss, i.e. if you flip it up to a consistent height and at a consistent rotational speed, the coin will always return clos to the initial position. With a small number of trials, the number of heads may be greater than the number of tails, and there is a decreasing disparity with greater numbers of trials, coin flips, that does not go to zero. It is asymptotic to zero with large numbers.

[@monikapaden2937]

Quote from one of the articles about the study "The authors of the new paper conducted 350,757 flips, using different coins from 46 global currencies to eliminate a heads-tail bias between coin designs. (They also used a variety of people to rule out individuals with biased flipping techniques corrupting the results.) Regardless of the coin type, the same-side outcome could be predicted at 0.508, which rounds up perfectly to Diaconis’ “about 51 percent” prediction from 16 years ago"

[@jaym2381]

Everyone is making a thing out of blue milk, but what about the multi-coloured pot scrubber pads with jam and egg roll wrap?

[@archive881]

Don't forget it's also deep fried!

[@DumpsterDivingDragon]

A coin flip is simply just another '49/51 thang' in life. `Just depends on what you're selling/flipping your Soul, to/for!

[@chucqie]

Pill bottle filled with squirrel teeth...WHAt 😂😂😂😂😂

[@sharktomesmiles]

Damn it was the cup that turned blue when poring liquid into the cup. Don't make me get Star War Nerd on Thee!!!

[@rozalie_angel]

4:15 Long live František Bartoš !!! 🇨🇿 May Fortune be forever in your 50.8-percentage favour, fellow Czech citizen! ❤

[@machocamacho1503]

that eggroll looks like soylent green soylent red and soylent yellow. IT'S MADE OF PEOPLE

[@wtf1185]

Wow, coffee in minutes, will wonders never cease. I chuckled heartily at Dr. coin toss at a party. And Gwyneth Paltrow could prance in front of me naked and I wouldn't notice. Well, maybe just until my coffee was ready. *_I love AOC._*

[@rawworking]

I concur. Love AOC

[@rumpvirus7393]

Minuets Yes but the robot rabbit lays the fresh beans first.

[@davidlundquist1979]

Wow, five opinions in five sentences. Now that's efficient commenting!

[@iancowan3527]

47 years... Took awhile but force is strong... "Is strong, this one. Yes!" - Yoda...

[@kemouse]

"A teenager with strep coughed on this sandwich" It's advertising for an untapped market!

[@jwnyc3]

This Meanwhile intro was poetry and SC is an epic hero.

[@AProfColleenBKelly]

Please - more "Late Show Band" for your international viewers on KZbin!!! PLEASE!!!!!

[@herauthon]

That eggrolewrap looks more like a scrubsponge .. PICA(R) certified..

[@SyzygyNoon]

In regards to that “egg roll”, I start at the bottom, slow down in the middle, and stop at the top, because I must vomit.

[@Petalumination]

It’s too bad the slogan "taste the rainbow" is already claimed by Skittles. It would be perfect for the Mets' deep-fried monstrosity, as it travels down and then back up your gullet.

[@SyzygyNoon]

@@Petalumination Amusement park ride called NOPE! (Don't worry. It's a small-town setup. No lawsuits involving the movie. Also, no relation.)

[@ms0824]

"And then.." 😂😂😂😂

[@kinsmed]

Very smooth delivery of really good material. Put THAT in the Smithsonian.

[@kappatvating]

Intro is always epic.

[@HRHDMKYT]

So many laughs in one tiny segment! “A drawstring from a drifter’s sweatpants”, “a squirrel’s teeth”, “pumpkin pies the size of a tractor wheel”…😂 I love ❤️ Stephen Colbert!

[@natepicker436]

Pumpkin pie the size of a tractor wheel...exactly!

[@comicartbymar2163]

I still feel like he's gonna say quarantine while Everytime #unresolvedtrauma 🤣

[@moxnix1026]

Steven, I watch the show and I know you spend most of your time not over there, but, right where you are behind your desk sitting in your chair...Meanwhile. lol

[@jamesdale6967]

🤣milk got !

[@Sjalabais]

I don't get IPO logic. Yes, you want to *maximize* earnings, but if the cost of that strategy is to destroy the brand differentiation and idea of Panera, or Reddit or whatever company that cut and streamlined itself into nothing but a forgettable option among many...the longterm prospects look terrible.

[@That-Guy_]

They are also switching to par baked frozen bread. Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi markets have already switched. More to come this year.

[@dsmith9412]

So Panera stock will perform just like DJT ⬇️⬇️⬇️

[@victoriabaker4400]

That's what I was thinking. This sounds to me like there was a hostile takeover of the company and they are now stripping assets.

[@brandonyoung-kemkes1128]

America truly is a place of wonder. I thought pies only came in one size.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

I thought just adding blue food coloring to milk would be quicker. Asian stores have delicious Green-colored Soya Milk for decades now.

[@edkrzywdzinski9121]

It's most likely pandan flavoured soy not just colouring.

[@MausMasher54]

Uh, wouldn't Coin Flips be different between different sized coins????

[@catherinethorstenberg8957]

Why ?

[@darthjump]

You can find your blue milk in the fridge right next to the Cerveza Crystal.

[@kyrie363]

blue is a delicious color for some bizarro reason 💙

[@Kitty8791]

Synesthesia is real. 😅

[@kyrie363]

@@Kitty8791 omg right?! Spot on!

[@malusignatius]

4:50 was a bit harsh on the researcher... Anyone researcher I've met after deal with that data would be 'I don't want to ever see an effing coin-flip ever again...'

[@victoriabaker4400]

He was just kidding. Everyone knows nobody would converse like that, it was just an opportunity to demonstrate another one of the countless gears of Colbert.

[@karezaalonso7110]

Nobody likes the smell of a stale "candle"

[@judyodonoghue7715]

I don't like the smell of fish

[@tonymarsh8436]

Hey Steve you missed a joke there. The guy in the gym, "Hey I gotta get outta here before the cops drug test me"!

[@Nothingbutlovehere369]

Thanks, Tony! 😂

[@kenbrown2808]

olease - when I was a teenager, I could consistently flip a coin, catch it, and display it as the opposite of its starting side. it's letting it hit the ground that adds the element of randomness.

[@cathyleatherman3097]

Always hilarious

[@billyyank1163]

Another thing about that coin flip researcher: You do NOT want to thumb wrestle him.

[@deborahkogan8742]

So good!

[@oppositeofh8]

"milk got?" FTW 😹😹😹😹😹 5/5

[@AbeKenney]

Squirrel teeth!

[@rumpvirus7393]

They spent all their animal welfare on them.

[@kimsjohnson]

Good, unbiased synopsis

[@flnthrn2]

That's Miss Paltrow to you, Steve. ❤❤😎😎

[@RMhyrax1979]

"Contaminated skunk bindle," lol 🤣☠

[@julesBrockingthat1999]

Don’t risk getting gastroparesis by taking Ozempic. I live with GP it’s not worth it. It’s pain and no gain.

[@Maya_Pinion]

Thanku .it's scary that every desperate obese person will flick to Costco for the shots!

[@Maya_Pinion]

Every desperate woman wanting to be " skinny" rushing to get OZ at Costco is horrendous and should not be permitted. We don't even know what the long term effects are yet except thyroid cancer------ sometimes,I think I'm the only one who believes this is a crap idea----thanx. ✌️

[@mirrorman95]

6:08 Best joke

[@Gorillafishing]

Skunk bindle…… 😂

[@ME-zl8ts]

I so relate to the gym guy continuing his workout. "Designated cardio time" must commence

[@christineheminger7762]

Panera: if you thought that nobody could ruin a ham and cheese sandwich

[@That-Guy_]

They are also switching to par baked frozen bread. A few markets have switched and more to follow.

[@bluecanine3374]

​@That-Guy_ yeah i heard a tiny bit about that. So basically they bake the bread most of the way to kill the yeast and set the starches to get the inside all like bread, but stop short of forming a crust then freeze it. So risen but not fully ready. I guess this keeps it from going stale waaaaay longer and heats back up and finishes baking in just a few minutes. So guess it is better than just freezing the dough then having to wait a long time to defeost then bake, or frozen fulky baked which gets a weird texture

[@That-Guy_]

@@bluecanine3374 Yep and with the switch they don't need skilled bakers or the delivery network for fresh dough anymore.

[@donjones4719]

Dammit, now I have to go to a Mets game.

[@kcguy8864]

That Mets joke made me actually laugh out loud 😆

[@courtneybermack]

okay but can I get a deep fried cookie roll somewhere that's not a Mets stadium?

[@tremkl]

Has Stephen met a gym bunny? They won’t miss leg day for ANYTHING. 😂

[@christopherszafranski990]

Yoda would say, "Milk you have?" not "Milk got?" lol

[@archive881]

I can see that image with the words "Milk you have got?" On a poster hanging in a school cafeteria. 😂

[@Corona2821]

I tend to that gym in plano and i was wondering what happen 🤣🤣 crazy it happen that night after i left the gym

[@angiecalderon2078]

4:55 potato 🥔

[@FrankBenlin]

Ha ha. Thanks, Dave.

[@mpulleyscott]

Skunk bindle? Wow

[@realityjunky]

Shout out to Ted Levine, one of the bravest actors ever!

[@arpeggi2999]

I enjoyed the snark, thanks.

[@mcv2178]

'Contaminated skunk bindle' - yes!

[@defied2none867]

I live for meanwhile

[@brianhawthorne7603]

I wish these clips didn’t cut off in the middle of the band playing.

[@johnmcclure40]

So, they reinvented the coffee machine-- but made it slower. Bravo.

[@EffingtonCouldBe]

Um... I saw a robot making coffee and mocha back in 2017 - San Francisco. This is NOTHING new folks.

[@nycstreetpoet]

It’s amazing you can get a grant to flip a coin

[@erikagray9883]

Stephen sounds stuffed up. Hope he feels better soon!

[@scottpetersen9660]

Squirrel? 😂

[@stratusmccloud]

I love how certain words keep popping up in his intros, like "bindle" or "bespoke."

[@Tmanaz480]

Oh I'm stealing "heard of."

[@thesoundsmith]

"You could take out a tooth right now and I wouldn't even _feel_ it!" Of COURSE not, Stephen, it's not YOUR tooth...😬

[@christinamann3640]

The food at the Calgary Stampede looks at the Mets concession stand and says, “anything you can do, I can do weirder.”

[@papasmamas1]

Milk got 😂😂😂😂

[@laalaa99stl]

Well then that's the only thing the movie Idiocracy got wrong. Costco greeter guy would probably be a lot skinnier.

[@Leash_Canada]

Paltrow wearing Spanx (for compression) is like a snake wearing boots...completely unnecessary!