Meanwhile… Sharks Do Cocaine | Snoop Dogg To Carry The Olympic Torch | Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat

Meanwhile… Researchers found unprecedented levels of cocaine in a group of sharks, Snoop is set to carry the Olympic torch during the festivities in Paris, and there’s a shocking development in the Hello Kitty world. #Colbert #Comedy #Meanwhile #StephenColbert #Cocaine #Sharks #HelloKitty #SnoopDogg #Snoop #Cats
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

[@calebyoungconductor]

As a classical musician, I appreciate the long French horn walk joke. Haha!

[@badadm-bp9qr]

There is NO WAY Snoop ain't lighting one off that flame!

[@kevinmeyers7821]

Man needs to catch his breath, and a buzz after a jog.

[@jkap34]

​@@kevinmeyers7821 who doesn't?! I always smoke a joint after a jog or workout. Helps with the muscle soreness. Or I take some edibles about 10 min before I finish working out.

[@sarcasmo57]

Didn't he say he quit? But yeah, he probably will.

[@MrVovansim]

Snoop running the torch is a bit of a disgrace imo. The opening ceremony is supposed to be about the athletes. What the heck does Snoop have to do with sports?

[@lianefehrle9921]

The torch is going to be the biggest blunt.

[@laalaa99stl]

"Ghosted" was the perfect punchline for that story. 👻

[@troyallen8223]

😊😊😊

[@protiliusproductions]

I laughed out loud… he’s on fire tonight.

[@sgtrock59]

Spoiler alert...

[@alewisscott]

​@@protiliusproductions Yes indeed! 😊

[@223Drone]

Cocaine sharks is going to be the sequel to cocaine bear.

[@AlexHeisEngholm]

Called the great white shark.

[@Mozart1220]

Cocaine Koala. Cocaine Cockroach. Give it a couple years they will all be fighting the Avengers.

[@devinward934]

Waiting for the crossover, Cocaine Sharknado

[@sparklesandsmog]

@@devinward934 finally explains the whole thing, haha

[@ulysessoliverasponyman]

Good for shark week

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

The Nigerian Parents joke was phenomenal and So True!!!!! 🤣😅😆😄🤣😂

[@stephaniechung2366]

Stephen Colbert - cat ears, cat whiskers…hello kitty! You are the best.

[@lindablue7494]

That was the best I nearly wore my drink I was laughing so hard. lol! Well done Stephen.

[@NewMessage]

Oh... Oh that explains Dory completely.

[@ShovelChef]

Good to see you

[@alewisscott]

😂😂

[@askthepizzaguy]

Yeah, yeah 42 wallaby way Sydney. P Sherman is the guy you're lookin for. He's got the good stuff. P Sherman write that down P sherman 42 42 42 42 Wallallalalalalalalalaby way wooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO THATS SOME GOOD SHIT

[@hopefulenigma9074]

🤣👍

[@babybijou969]

Underrated comment! 🏆

[@RickyHall-km3qq]

Shout out to "honk a dirge through the filthy goof bugle that is my segment..." one of the best Meanwhile intros I have heard in a while

[@Mozart1220]

Yeah, I love "goof bugle". I always need new silly names to call my adult daughter to make her laugh.

[@Tesserae]

I’m wondering if they got new writers recently; the jokes have been funnier for the past few shows.

[@redstonecasey4713]

A quick reminder that Gomez and Morticia Addams met at a funeral. It can work for you too!

[@Styphon]

Better than meeting at a family reunion

[@johnnynielsen3006]

Wasn't Gomez also the prime suspect...?

[@alewisscott]

😂😂😂

[@LindaC616]

Another example of Gen Z thinking they invented something...People have been doing that for years 😅

[@o.b.7217]

And their marriage worked out!

[@swistedfilms]

Honk a dirge through the goof bugle of news! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's brilliant!

[@nommh]

the dirge is actually honked through the FILTHY goof bugle - every word a cherry on top…

[@serendipityshopnyc]

Perfect writing and delivery on that funeral joke.

[@ConstantChaos1]

Naw it should have been an Addams family refrence imo

[@tytn9978]

Stephen, your "finding a date at a funeral" was comic perfection!

[@VamsiNarla]

That was one of the best meanwhile segments of all time. Three amazing stories

[@wholeshebang1]

Yes, and so was the lead-up to it.

[@northernbohemianrealist]

"Engelbert Schmid triple french horn." That's a reference I never expected! How many viewers caught that and got it? Whoa!

[@samiam619]

Nope, means nothing to me…

[@schnauzerbill7391]

Absolutely- and I'm sure it will be in the International Horn Society Newsletter!!! (I'm and Alexander man, myself)

[@northernbohemianrealist]

@@schnauzerbill7391 I have an early 6D, wasted on my ability. Is Alexander still a big thing? Big in the 80s.

[@tfhenshaw]

@@northernbohemianrealist Alexes are big across the pond.

[@seileach67]

Is it a "Music Man" reference? Stephen likes referencing classic films, albeit not as much as he likes referencing Tolkien, Star Wars, etc.

[@TildaRigo]

Love you Stephen! And you were on fire today 😅❤🎉 the ghosted joke's golden

[@Bigolddragon]

Hey this isn't a protest or a funeral, chill.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Hello Kitty bombshell is like saying Scooby Doo is not a dog.

[@_SYDGAMING_]

Or catdog is actually a mouse😂

[@OriginalPiMan]

As I recall, she has a pet cat. So it's more like saying Goofy is not a dog.

[@FenNick1994]

His name is Scooby Doo, not Scooby Dog.

[@phantomology404]

Ehm, Scooby Doo actually ISN'T a dog. When people refer to him as a dog, he often asks: "Dog? Where?"

[@TheSocratease]

Didn't Hello Kitty say hears ago something about it being some sort of religious icon? I vaguely remember sometime ago an explanation for Hello Kitty. I was never down with it because it doesn't have a mouth. Say what?

[@angelezebuiro9676]

The Nigerian parents' joke is both funny and true. The children are making their parents disappoint. Sorry, Mom and Dad.😂😂😂

[@lopella]

I would totally watch a season of Sharkos on Netflix 😂😂😂

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Seems like all aquatic life near coke smuggling routes will test positive for the drug.

[@babybijou969]

Meth Gators in Florida… yes, the hypothesis holds true

[@L._Titus]

@@babybijou969 While smugglers dumping cocaine overboard has some effect, the authors of the study identified the presence of the drug in waste after use by people (specifically the population of Rio de Janeiro) as the main source of the cocaine pollution.

[@randyj420]

Is this why the Whole Foods fish is so expensive - and people actually pay up for it?

[@dm-31024]

Great graphic 4:16 gymnast, flipping with a goblet of red wine ❤

[@WolfDarkrose]

the phantom pain of being ghosted at a funeral meet up

[@Mozart1220]

"Does he smoke after sex?" "Only that once at the crematorium..."

[@shauntesofly]

The phantom pain😂😂😂

[@kazuma7232]

Metal Gear Solid 5?

[@WolfDarkrose]

@@kazuma7232 wiggles eyebrows

[@ralph4233]

It's a good thing the sharks are on cocaine and not marijuana and gettin' the munchies.

[@caronstout354]

"Cocaine Sharks" will be the next cheap and hokey movie franchise of the SyFy channel...

[@slvsfr]

Food chain concentration, bigger fish eat smaller fish. The cocaine builds up.

[@randyj420]

I may have to start buying non-farmed fish - js - BANG - for the buck.

[@SpasmFunnel]

The article about Hello Kitty not being a cat did the rounds on social media about a decade ago.

[@ursulawhite2986]

I remember that article! They said she had no mouth so she couldn't scream (PTSD from atomic bombs). 😮

[@brickette101]

Okay right? And they already even walked it back because everyone said “yeah no” so how or why is this news again? Did everyone just forget?

[@Ron-Ayres]

The 'ghosted' segment was beautifully conceived.

[@cherylbomengen2229]

You are on fire tonight! 😂😂😂

[@ircjesselee]

I was jamming to Emotional Contagion just before watching this. What a coincidence.

[@randyinscoe5780]

Maybe sea creatures on cocaine is why otters are stealing surfboards and orcas are sinking boats, or mother nature is pissed 😂😂😂😂

[@polcommwatcher]

that actually makes sense...

[@julieroberts9544]

I love the drummers hair! The curl and color are perfect.

[@jpdemer5]

Ms. Santos is always an eyeful.

[@wholeshebang1]

Yes, she and the bassist are always chic an and on fleek.

[@sophierobinson2738]

We’ve known for YEARS that Hello Kitty is actually a little girl named Kitty White. Imagination is everywhere in Kitty’s world.

[@NewMessage]

Sharks, Doggs and Not Cats, oh my.

[@kp4747]

I'm prbly alone on this ... but anyone else miss "Quarantineeeeewhileee"

[@robgable2426]

Can't wait to see Snoop light a doobie off the Olympic Torch.

[@wholeshebang1]

That would be dope, but I heard him say on a recent talk show that he no longer tokes. I'll bet he'd do it for the thrill.

[@darquequeen]

Hello Kitty will always be a cat in my heart and world. 🐱 ❤

[@jalabi99]

4:30 but this is not news, Sanrio's been saying that from the start

[@ariyanadumon4549]

Uhhhhhhhhh but Kitty?

[@OscarLangleySoryu]

@@ariyanadumon4549fake fans 😤

[@BroadwayBrittany]

Was looking for this comment. I remember the “first” time they dropped this bit of info (the first time I myself heard it), and that was at least 10 years ago in a very similar news article. People just keep making the same shocking discovery over and over again, lol.

[@jalabi99]

@@BroadwayBrittany you should see all the comments on the SNL sketch "Hello Kitty" (when Keke Palmer hosted) where people are just finding out 😅

[@charityquill4965]

I think their justification is that she's an icon that young girls are supposed to relate to, I guess?

[@RogerHerzler]

“I think I’m being ghosted” 🧑🏻‍🍳 💋

[@TheWolfHowling]

4:30 It's obvious what the solution is to this contradiction. Hello Kitty is clearly a little human girl in a Fursuit, that's how she can be both "a little girl" but also looks like an anthropomorphize cat.

[@LindaC616]

But she *identifies* as a cat...

[@jschuler53]

@@LindaC616 Can't she be both a little girl and a cat? I mean she's not real so we can make changes.

[@LindaC616]

@@jschuler53 I was trying to be facetious

[@jschuler53]

@@LindaC616 Me too, we're talking about an imaginary thing, a meme. Let's argue, let s not. I like your sense of humor.

[@jpdemer5]

She's a furry? Don't tell the MAGA loons!

[@antoniograncino3506]

What a co-inky-dink ! I too own and play an Engelbert Schmid triple French horn. 'Cept mine is all brass; no nickel-silver.

[@fabrislemos]

Funeral joke killed

[@kelkabot]

Brilliant…they should hire you!

[@herstoryswitness]

"They met at the funeral of a perfect stranger, after that things got perfectly stranger and stranger."

[@edwardmeradith2419]

Damn that acoustic guitar sounded great at the end

[@TheSocratease]

🎵🎶Paved paradise...🎶🎵

[@tigrrtom]

It sounded like the opening riff of Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi"...

[@L._Titus]

@@tigrrtom I recognized it almost instantly! Nice to hear them playing the classics.

[@MrPapamaci88]

That emotional contagion works both ways, you want to bond with your dog, start howling till they howl with you. It's not a territorial thing nor a full Moon thing but a bonding exercise amongst dogs and wolves, it means "Hey, I'm here with you guys!" as well as "We're a family!" Doing this lowers their stress by a lot. Also if you think it's loud, you should not have a dog. By the way if you walk down a street and a dog barks at you hard, you can often hear other dogs in the street starting howling to calm the stressing doggo stating "We're here too, don't worry!" Lying down next to your dog chilling also has a similar effect but howling like a mad man makes them happy too!

[@vinaygandhi71]

2:44 thats dope 😅

[@jerrys.9895]

Filthy goof bugle is my new favorite insult.

[@erikaswanson7072]

Both a great band name and a new insult.

[@Rockingruvin]

"Honk a dirge through the filthy goof-bugle of news..." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@loporina]

Happy 50th Anniversary to Hello Kitty

[@SpasmFunnel]

And happy tenth anniversary to the article about her not being a cat.

[@robertaldaron8617]

Before he said it.... I just knew "Emotional Contagion" was going to be the name of a band. 😁

[@chuyocaca4153]

2:00 So that explains SpongeBob SquarePants weird Laugh. 

[@matthewsmith6934]

sometimes, just sometimes folks...

[@just-ask-why]

No one has ever or will ever, in the history of television, introduce a news segment as well as Stephen Colbert introduces his news segment Meanwhile

[@Mozart1220]

@@just-ask-why Imagine being in the writers room and having to come up with a new BETTER intro every time. The intro is usually better than the segment simply because of the things they come up with.

[@kelkabot]

That could be a t shirt

[@Stuff_And_Things]

Snoop does realize that task involves running...Right? ;) Biggest bowl he ever lit? Maybe. LOL

[@JayTee2985]

Remember Snoop Dogg, the Olympic torch looks and shapes like a joint 😂

[@ladydragon5526]

Are those the sharks that Trump keeps referring to😂😂

[@tinabeasley7821]

They got a front from Jr…

[@LindaC616]

Exactly

[@tinabeasley7821]

@@LindaC616 🥹

[@matrisgallus6189]

Goof-bugle. Great word.

[@MichaelHall1989]

That Hello Kitty news is probably decades old. They definitely didn't just drop it. I've known that for many years.

[@tycoinreno]

Man their writers have so much fun with the Meanwhile segment introductions

[@elaineisabelle427]

Lol, so Funny, love Snoop Dog

[@JC-uv1wn]

It's the suits😂 definitely the suits at funerals no one wears a nice suit anymore but we love them

[@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912]

The Helo Kitty is a little Girl statement has been around for like 6-7 year now, the creator a few years back even tried to make a explanation for the statement that was to the line that cats don't walks around on two legs and where cloths. To which everyone was thinking, yeah that what anthropomorphism means, she still a cat though.

[@de_cre_vi]

I came here to say this! Stephen sounded outdated making the jokes about Hello Kitty.

[@non-exist-ent]

So the cats in the musical “Cats” are actually cats?

[@mr.deadman1973]

"Smoking and Drinking an Olympic event? The French would crush everyone.

[@NewMessage]

I'd pay extra to see Drunken Gymnastics. So would most of us, I expect.

[@followsuittrading]

The writing was gold tonight 😅 per usual

[@annyfyreagle7973]

Years ago, I met a comedian writer at a funeral. He was hilarious.

[@ruthslone2992]

Englebert Schmid triple horns are TOP of the line custom made, triple- French horns, in case you’re interested. Very expensive and superb, in the hands of top pros all over the world.

[@sthompson2839]

Nice! I was just explaining to my daughter that she’d like Meanwhile, because his intros alway teach interesting topics we don’t ordinarily hear about. She played trumpet in high school and probably still likes Hello Kitty.😊

[@nevamo7820]

🦈 Sharks... The new mules!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@jeromesullivan4015]

Goof Bugle! Imma take lessons..😂

[@magiamgl]

😂soy tu hincha, compadre.😂

[@benperditionmusic]

"Honk a dirge" 😂😂😂

[@think2023]

"Goof bugle of news"😂😂😂❤

[@loriallenbaugh35]

“Such a good listener” difficult to find in men outside of the coffin. 😌

[@veramae4098]

I thought it was probably something like 'emotional contagion" when the President's German Shepard's kept biting secret service. The agents were on edge, so the dogs were too.

[@rebeccataravonschleinitz]

This one was REALLY good! Go, wrighters!!

[@sherryjoecaver1826]

Honk a dirge 😂 love this segment ❤

[@MB5rider81]

Yes.. Snoop Iconic athlete and health advocate

[@dianedenham5259]

🤣ikr?!

[@cynthia8069]

Poor sharks. First, they are misunderstood and killed just for their fins for soup, now humans are poisoning them with drugs. Jeez

[@marinavianna8754]

The best part of the cocaine sharks story is that scientists think it might be due to a bunch of people peeing out the cocaine straight into the bay in Rio. They think this might be the case because the cocaine found in the sharks had been previously metabolized.

[@seventen7195]

they really know how to write jokes. hello… EMMYS!

[@Warlock_UK]

Whoever wrote "Sharkos" needs a pay rise

[@woohunter1]

How’s “OSHARKS”?

[@Warlock_UK]

@@woohunter1 is that the one with Jason Bait-man?

[@woohunter1]

@@Warlock_UK haha, yes.

[@shaunrobson4278]

Oh Stephen, you are the Doof Warrior of News !

[@dens790130]

3:49 I know at least a dozen people who played longer than that in our youths ... difference is we didn't call media about it.

[@Milaperadotti]

Reminds me of the funeral seen with will ferrell in wedding crashers picking up woman at a funeral!😂

[@Elcap53]

We are in desperate need of Land Shark

[@OscarLangleySoryu]

Hello Kitty not being a kitty is not news. If you didn’t know you’re not a real fan. She has a pet cat Charmmy Kitty- which looks a lot like her LOL

[@jessecarliner7733]

When I first heard the story it was that she was a British little girl.

[@davidlundquist1979]

That was an odd lecture to get from Principal Skinner. ...I also didn't expect Principal Skinner to be an Evangelion fan.

[@OscarLangleySoryu]

@@davidlundquist1979 All I have to say is… Anta Baka, young man?

[@OscarLangleySoryu]

@@jessecarliner7733 and she is five red apples tall

[@tj-597]

Anna Cathcart

[@DNTXPCTMCH]

I love the silly 😂❤ thank you for the laughs

[@alastairdallas]

Great writing--I'm being ghosted. And Uh...Hello? Kitty!. Excellent presentation as always.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

I bet your name isn't REALLY "Hello Kitty"!! *Kitty:* "... It isn't. My name's Kitty White. Why are you calling me by the name of my show?"

[@NCandHR]

Good bit on the funeral- didn't think there was much more to do with "ghosting" but ya did 🙂

[@robertkennedy9188]

Scientists have also noticed a decrease in feeding frenzies, coupled with an increase in empty chatter about getting together for brunch tomorrow

[@Forge17]

“Filthy goof bugle” is going into my daily vocabulary

[@MTrocker0221]

I saw the shark story in my news app and I automatically thought, "I bet you this is either going to be Stephen Colbert's show or Seth Meyers’s.

[@familyderieux-ellsworth7657]

While living in Seattle I learned there's a lot of sea life that has tested positive for some drug. Basically, everything that they flush down the toilet ends up at sea.

[@lindanavarro8995]

Thanks for being so sharp, smart and funny, even for a French people!

[@calichick097]

The thing about Hello Kitty being a little girl not a cat isn’t new… that’s been the lore for a very long time…

[@soundped]

"The filthy goof-bugle of news!"

[@forgottenfamily]

They've tested the river waters of several cities and found measurable levels of cocaine in them. Studying the impact upon wildlife and eventually ocean life makes sense as next steps.

[@nubbymuffin2423]

The one about dogs isn't surprising. Dogs have long been known to mirror their owners' mental states.

[@Tony_AM009]

Snoop Dogg will make sure that that torch is lit. I'll see myself out.

[@Phil-tt3xg]

Funeral love is true love!

[@BrockBlankenship-yo5mq]

Meanwhile... Half of Oregon state is on fire and no recognition. Unless you inhale?? Dance for rain. Be brat. We know you can. "Rain dance"save us!

[@dallasoleary187]

I work from home and call my dog my stress-relieving puppy. Now I feel awful that I'm his stress-inducing human.

[@raygunsforronnie847]

Of course folks meet up at funerals, that was the initial premise of Harold and Maude (1971).