Meanwhile... TikTok Tush | LaGuardia Airport Raccoon | Paranormal Hotels

[@jiorts]

It's an honor going insane with you ❤

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

Do you want some french cries to go with your whaaburger?

[@Cave_Monkeys]

Have a glass of water

[@jiorts]

@@Gilbert-cd9rt feeling tough while on a sinking ship? 😄 im not even american but the world is affected by this virus too

[@jiorts]

@@Cave_Monkeys i preffer beer ..thanks but no thanks

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

@@jiorts Do you want me to call whine one one and get you a whaambulance?

[@SerendipityChild]

Don't give up on us. We appreciate your way of making the horror funny enough that we can think about it clearly

[@SJH_Boston]

Couldn't have said it better! RN humor is keeping us sane!

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

​@@SJH_BostonDo you want some french cries to go with your whaaburger?

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

@@RevDrDoo I'm surprised that you know how to read.

[@DapperCatPictures]

The only "horror" is you people.

[@ThatOpalGuy]

@@Gilbert-cd9rt are you admitting to being a fry cook?

[@ChronosSk]

"Spiritual Xanax for the Nation" I guess Chicken Soup for the Soul ain't strong enough no more.

[@jcolorful9815]

Maybe not even DMT

[@Jabberwocky_McScrugel]

I love that you guys are still flapping your worthless lips. Keep talking, because this administration will find you guilty of incitement and sedition, and they'll get the convictions. It's not just the Democrat politicians we want justice from, keep that in mind while you're throwing your little fit.

[@markrix]

Oh you don't know about the chicken soup xanax edition?

[@markrix]

They say it's so good that you forget what it tastes like and you usually wake up in a jail cell.. black out in a can with extra charges inside!

[@elhorrendo7026]

Love this comment. Beautiful!

[@GTARC-2023]

The sound a bird makes when it hits a plane? Boeing!

[@Marinemomof3Oceanside]

Genius 🤭😂👍

[@dewimatthews6037]

What's the last thing that goes through a bird's brain when it hits a plane? It's ass.

[@r.1599]

Same sound the door plugs make when they pop out. Stephen told us.

[@Collateralldamagethe3rd]

😂🤌🏼🔥

[@caolanod2261]

Boeing Boeing.

[@DagobertX2]

Not mentioning the White House being just like the Parade, featuring 700 clowns next year is a missed opportunity.

[@bogtrottername7001]

Surprised they missed that !

[@unvergebeneid]

Back in my day, we would get our hemorrhoids from reading a _book_ on the toilet!

[@pennygleeson5029]

👍👍👍🤣

[@colleenmeffert5580]

Ahhh the good old days!!

[@carolannpacificadam1944]

O meow. That's righteous 😂

[@amberandrews6842]

🥰🥰🥰

[@JazzKamo]

Yeah me too!

[@vintagelady1]

I LOVE "Meanwhile" b/c it has nothing to do with politics (blessed relief!!) & of course, b/c it's hysterically funny! Ah, I can breathe again.

[@lifewuzonceezr]

Exactly! IAM avoiding politics..

[@ODoylero0lz]

That's exactly why it exists.

[@merav252]

Wow, as always- hats off to whoever writes the meanwhile openers😅

[@beyondmaintenance]

Steven ad libs these intros off the top of his head.

[@kneau]

@@beyondmaintenance not at all but I like how hopeful/wholesome your rationale might be

[@kathyfitzgerald6122]

Snakey -back and tik-tok tush! I so need you for the next 4 years

[@richardrichards8401]

That is…if the constitution isn’t suspended 🙉 Anything is possible it seems 🤨😢

[@scbtripwire]

Speaking as someone who has had issues "down there" for years. Please do yourselves a favour and limit your toilet time if you can! The repercussions suck. 😢😞

[@RobertBrown-i4r]

God bless you Stephen for making us laugh in spite of our troubles

[@lovelynature-n4o]

That's what caused your present situation.2 many UN-funnymen.

[@michaellombardi1620]

A lot of us are losing our minds privately

[@alexgordonepic]

ask you r doctor about independence. then go see rfk jr commercial. :).. or maybe go see trumpenol commercial which is funnier.

[@withershin]

1:53- I love when Louis Cato rejects jokes. Colbert almost breaks.

[@lililasagna1073]

Appreciate your sane voice more than ever Stephen.

[@RePeteAndMe]

5:47 The spookiest things in a hotel room show up under the glow of a black light

[@Eramiserasmus]

Spiritual Xanax because no amount of Chicken Soup for the Soul will get us through the crazy.

[@AustynSN]

I worked at a hotel that has a reputation for a ghost. Management FREQUENTLY made people leave who were there as part of some local unauthorized ghost tour.

[@ODoylero0lz]

Awww that's no fun!

[@AustynSN]

@ODoylero0lz neither is dealing with idiots trespassing for their own profit for something. The hotel would specifically made publicly clear that they were not at all on board with.

[@Michellelovesanimals-OFD]

Thank you Stephen........Just when I was ready to jump off of my roof.......Your show started........I'll wait until the weekend !

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

Do you want some french cries to go with your whaaburger?

[@greenthumb8266]

I hear ya @Michellelovesanimals-OFD

[@abarfriedrich5027]

​@@Gilbert-cd9rt Copy and paste 👎

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

@@abarfriedrich5027 Maybe you should call a whaambulance.

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

@@abarfriedrich5027 Cry about it.

[@shockwavebboy]

5:53 The fact that Chicago's old Cook County Hospital will be a Hyatt hotel makes this part creepier.

[@Darbobski]

In a time when we have so little hope, we need Stephen. Thank you for the book, Benchley. We will survive.

[@MrFijiBoySako]

What? Lol.. ❤MAGA❤️

[@robertaldaron8617]

​@@MrFijiBoySako👈 Genuine mudak.

[@Jabberwocky_McScrugel]

You're a weak individual. We have no use for you people.

[@nahteo]

I have hope, I just ordered a bulletproof vest so I can go to shows and movies again

[@Jabberwocky_McScrugel]

@@nahteo cry harder

[@GailKarp-d5p]

I'm past shocked and upset. Now I'm sitting back laughing at the 💩 show that's our "government" 🤡🍿

[@katthefantastic]

Thank you and bless you Stephen ✊️🫶✊️

[@katthefantastic]

4:52 WTF be these peeps!?! Welcome to the NWO 😆

[@ThisMomentBetter]

SOLID jokes. Hat's off, for real.

[@markrix]

10-4

[@kaelibw34]

Bird strikes causing engine failure is less of a Boeing thing and more of a jet planes in general thing honestly

[@steveaustin2686]

Exactly. But Stephen went for the cheap joke.

[@gus.smedstad]

Yeah, that bird-strike segment was painfully dumb. Pretty much “I don’t understand anything about jet engines” series of jokes.

[@steveaustin2686]

@@gus.smedstad Yeah, it was a large bird just after takeoff, so 5-7lbs hitting at over 140mph into the engine? Not surprised it caught fire at all. Which is why the planes are built to fly on one engine, so it landed back at the airport with no problems. Well, except for the mechanics that get to replace the engine and see what they can salvage out of it.

[@amber24k31]

Also the raccoon can only have one carrion 😂

[@tamzinbrown9384]

🙄🤭

[@trm4life]

Lol damn

[@abbyabroad]

Brilliant 😂

[@mickie5282]

Excellent! So happy that at least someone out there is still able to create and share laughter.

[@mariemelansongundy-vx4ox]

One's never alone, as long as one is accompanied by their own coyote pack to howl at the moon with.😂😂😂😂

[@aimee-made]

Triple Twist: Schrodinger's Parade - the acts are simultaneously real and not real.

[@LinDaniel]

😂😂😂

[@gnocchidokey]

i like rachel platten

[@thejuanderful]

700 hundred clowns sounds like the plot of a movie, or a nightmare!

[@JohnClark-tt2bl]

It's what we'll be calling the US government pretty soon.

[@veronicadoggone5660]

They're the ones riding the 2,000 mules

[@AnnoyingMoose]

...or Trump's cabinet!

[@JohnClark-tt2bl]

@@thejuanderful Or an alternative name for our incoming government....

[@LarryForbes-h9z]

Or Trump’s new cabinet appointments.

[@TheRookiecop1]

Meanwhile, the hero we Need but not the one we disserve.

[@situational.analysis]

With their amazing sense of smell (actually tasting air molecules), constrictor snakes can detect and seek out rodents from great distances. That restaurant lost their best exterminator.

[@SpeckleKen]

4:50 If you care, Bishopbriggs is a town in Scotland. It’s a commuter suburb of Glasgow.

[@PhilBoswell]

She's also a singer, real name "Sarah Grace McLaughlin" (thank you Wikipedia ;-)

[@ambroseelon9989]

She is my fav artist

[@beth8775]

​@@PhilBoswell She actually took her stage name from the town because her parents are from there. Obviously to avoid confusion with the other Sarah McLochlan

[@EZLogikal]

Definitely making trash taffy to keep me fat and sassy through these dystopian holidays, thanks for sharing the recipe, Stephen 🍬

[@jameskuyper]

Jet planes move about 20 tomes as fast as ships. Impact energy is proportional to the square of the velocity, so a bird hitting a plane delivers 400 times as much energy as a fish of the same size would deliver when hitting a ship. Ships don't have windows in locations where they can be hit by a fish. The fans inside a jet engine rotate a lot faster than the propellers on a boat, and take correspondingly more damage when hit by a bird.

[@backelie]

Also: Sometimes on boats the front falls off.

[@elizabethconnolly3260]

Thank you.

[@mickie5282]

Thank you, Sheldon. I hate it when a scientist doesn't understand satire.

[@SHiR-0_TV]

"BOEING: WE'RE LIKE 80% EXPLOSIONS NOW." LMFAO ACCURATE!

[@lauratefiz]

Hilarious 😂

[@emiller113]

thank you Stephen you keep us sane 💙🙏🏻

[@Karen-jc1qe]

Stephen thank you for making me laugh after a hard day! 😂

[@scottmasson3336]

Bishopbriggs is a town in Scotland!

[@MacHeath699]

Seven hundred clowns in the Macy’s parade? Not impressive-Trump will have more than that in his cabinet.

[@greenegirlsstudio101]

😂😅😀😅😂😫😫😫

[@LE-te9vx]

Laughed out loud at this one. So true.

[@SSNCM]

Stephen, come on if a boat hits a 'Whale' it might sink and you would have to pick between hugging the battery or being eaten by the sharks...

[@FugueStated]

If it's a choice between electrocution or shark attack, I choose Xenomorph Chest-Burster every time.

[@steveaustin2686]

Of course some killer whales are sinking boats by hitting them.

[@alexgrey5933]

Bishop Briggs is indeed real and the world is missing out, she is incredible !!!

[@ursulamarijancevic1457]

Fan here 😎

[@MiguelMartinezmtzzz]

Great meanwhile this week!!

[@cmuller1441]

4:10 the bird probably hit an engine that was not built by Boeing... The US Airways Flight 1549 that ended up in the Hudson river was an Airbus...

[@markpimlott2879]

'Correct, my good man! Neither Boeing nor Airbus (nor any other aircraft manufacturer) designs and/or builds aero-engines of any type! 🇨🇦 🍁 🇨🇦 🛫 ✈️ 🛩 🛬 🛫 ✈️ 🇨🇦 🍁 🇨🇦

[@steveaustin2686]

Yeah, the 787-9 Dreamliner uses either GE or Rolls-Royce engines according to Boeing. A large bird, 5-7lb at a guess, hitting an engine at over 140 mph (just after takeoff) will do a LOT of damage to an engine. This isn't a Boeing, GE, or a Rolls-Royce problem, as the plane was able to fly and land again. This is a problem of birds and aircraft near the ground in the same area, so even with airport mitigation efforts, these things will happen occasionally sadly.

[@ЯнаУладыка]

Thanks for Rocky Raccoon, Steve❤

[@dross24MA]

😢 I feel so sorry for wild animals getting loose in public areas...it's usually not their fault, but they still get killed for it. They seldom are released into the wild. 😢

[@DakotaDeb]

Thanks Steve! We'll get through this 💩 show with your help❤Keep us laughing !

[@Gilbert-cd9rt]

Do you want some french cries to go with your whaaburger?

[@abarfriedrich5027]

​@@Gilbert-cd9rtYou're boring 👎

[@timwooley60]

And the Air Force still chooses machine guns over starlings! Well, at least they adopted Sparrow missiles.

[@gary3074]

That room key bit. Awesome….

[@lw3269]

4:25 Nice of you to provide the list the the next administration's cabinet members.

[@valerierodger]

5:40 when he pulled out a flashlight, I thought at first it might be a UV light - because that’s a good way to really scare yourself in a hotel room 😄

[@inoderlulzer5163]

Great segment! Thanks for this content!

[@wirehyperspace]

Cheers Stephen 🥃

[@abarfriedrich5027]

Stephen and team: Thank you 🌻💙🌻

[@DorisFaust-m8x]

Bravo again to writers intro to meanwhile!

[@Stratelier]

As funny as it sounds that a jet cannot survive hitting a bird, these incidents _usually_ involve birds being sucked into the jet's engine intake, which actually is very serious -- US Airways Flight 1549 (2009), the one which landed in the Hudson River, was due to a bird strike on both engines. Note that generally speaking, jet engines are designed to "fail safe" in the event of eating a bird: the engine will shut down without _(directly)_ harming the rest of the plane (e.g. by causing/spreading fire), even if the loss of an engine may knock the plane out of the air regardless.

[@deltav864]

Bird strikes are only a problem during takeoff and landing; the rest of the flight you're way above where the birds live. Some sort of mesh in front of the turbine wouldn't work, because it messes with the flight dynamics too much. It happens so sporadically that it's an acceptable risk and even if the birds take out an engine commercial pilots are trained to land the plane with just one engine (also with no engines, but that's a much harder ask depending on the circumstances.)

[@kenbrown2808]

and engines are designed to not completely fly apart from ingesting a bird. and airports have systems and processes in place to encourage birds to hang out in other places

[@markpimlott2879]

Aggreed sir, and also... 'Much more of an issue with the debunked solution of installing screening in front of high bypass turbofan engines would be ice build-up; even if they were heated! The faiirly frequently shedding iof ice 🧊 chunks into turbine engines, whose blade tips are going supersonic, would be a much more serious threat to flight/human safety than the regular but fortunately occassional bird strike! 🐦 'And as the gentlemen indicates, the various types of aero-oengines (and fuselages, and cockpit windows) are designed to safely contend with most bird strikes! Bird 🐦 deterrence programs at airports are the most effective and cost efficient solution! These wildlife control 🦊 🐦🦌 programs are multifaceted and highly adaptable to particular locations, seasons, and habitat types! ✈️ 🛩 🛫 🐦 🦜 🇨🇦 🦢 🐦🛩 🛬 🔥

[@steveman1982]

@@markpimlott2879 theoretically you could have some sort of cyclone filter that throws out all the high density objects (e.g. birds) from the airflow leading into the engines... This however would have catastrophic impact on fuel consumption, at least from what I visualise :D

[@Intelligence3]

man that opening riff!

[@gabestorm7150]

Keep this amazing Show forever Stephen!!

[@mycosys]

Gotta TD this for the plane stupidity. If you want planes to be able to hit huge birds and then fly half way across the world we can do it, but not at 500mph. And not with current efficiency. The engineering to make bird strikes survivable at all is already amazing.

[@immortalasirpa6006]

Boeing machinist, by chance? Congrats to your union. Sixteen years between raises, that's brutal. Glad to see you held out. If there was justice in this sad world, you'd have the pension back, too. Thanks for building the planes I've been flying in all my life. I have a good idea what you guys go through to make a plane and it's really, really tremendous. And if you're not a Boeing employee, cheers anyway! Great comment.

[@mycosys]

@@immortalasirpa6006 Just a random Engineering Technician on the other side of the world. And agreed.

[@markpimlott2879]

Aggreed kind sir, and also... 'Much more of an issue with the debunked solution of installing screening in front of high bypass turbofan engines would be ice build-up; even if they were heated! The faiirly frequently shedding iof ice 🧊 chunks into turbine engines, whose blade tips are going supersonic, would be a much more serious threat to flight/human safety than the regular but fortunately occassional bird strike! 🐦 'And as the gentlemen indicates, the various types of aero-oengines (and fuselages, and cockpit windows) are designed to safely contend with most bird strikes! Bird 🐦 deterrence programs at airports are the most effective and cost efficient solution! These wildlife control 🦊 🐦🦌 programs are multifaceted and highly adaptable to particular locations, seasons, and habitat types! ✈️ 🛩 🛫 🐦 🦜 🇨🇦 🦢 🐦🛩 🛬 🔥

[@TXnine7nine]

@@immortalasirpa6006 Boeing doesn’t make engines.

[@skippykaufman4436]

@@markpimlott2879Will you marry me?

[@nevillehoward8736]

Boat person says "You're moving at several hundred MPH / KPH? There's your problem - you're going way too fast! Slow those jets down to say under 30 MPH / KPH, you won't have any trouble"

[@justaguy6100]

ON the Boeing dig... the bird hit the jet engine. Boeing doesn't make the engines. And the buyer designates what engines they want on their planes.

[@steveaustin2686]

And a large bird, 5-7lbs at a guess, will do a LOT of damage to an engine at over 140mph, as this was just after takeoff.

[@babawawa1953]

Thank goodness for you late night comedy hosts. Stephen, you are the king but we need you, Seth, Jimmy Kimmel & John Oliver to keep us chuckling and strive to see the lighter side. ( I guess there is one) thanks for your excellent humor and all the laughs.

[@krisfrederick5001]

If you want to get really scary, they also make nuclear missiles at Boeing. I'll have what Stephen's writers are having! "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most" -Ozzy

[@TheNinnyfee]

Glad the snake wasn't found IN a chili...🙈😄

[@robink.3557]

„TikTok is giving you hemorrhoids? Haha“ - me, sitting on the toilet watching KZbin while pushing MyTube

[@michealwestfall8544]

That's a little unfair to Boeing. Birds are dangerous to planes.

[@Snafuski]

Birdstrike is a real thing... And it is really dangerous, and it happens to Airbus as well.

[@LvndrHppE2]

Let me tell you something about the skaters in Bryant Park. Some of them ice skate in tank tops when it's freezing outside.

[@IvanKosta-dv5mw]

Oh Stephen…you seem to be loosing your mind a bit just like I am ! You’re still funny and it’s great to have such great company in the madness !😵‍💫🤪

[@stoptorturingme]

While his monologue analogy is compared to all different kinds of international cuisine and hand crafts, his meanwhile analogy has something to do with either dumpster or gas station almost every time.

[@johncatty6560]

To be fair: Bird strikes happen to other a/c types as well with birds being sucked into the engines causing compressor stalls. Boeing does not manufacture the engines (in this case it was GE).

[@steveaustin2686]

Or Rolls-Royce, apparently the 787-9 uses both engine types.

[@johncatty6560]

@@steveaustin2686 "Or Rolls-Royce, apparently the 787-9 uses both engine types." You are right when you say that Boeing uses engines from different manufacturers. But as I wrote: in *this* case it was GE (GEnx). The aircraft in question is a Hainan Airlines Boeing 787-9 (MSN 64968, reg B-1119) equipped with GE GEnx engines. ;)

[@steveaustin2686]

@@johncatty6560 Shiny. And none of the engine manufacturers are expected to have engines that ignore large birds when hit at over 140mph, as this strike was just after takeoff.

[@laalaa99stl]

Happy to have their snakey back snakey back snakey back 🤣

[@thomasbraeking6225]

Chili's is happy for the free rodent control.

[@Bighawkeye46]

“Trash Taffy” is the term I didn’t know I needed

[@lizardmilk]

Best Meanwhile in a while.

[@RechtmanDon]

I really don't know how y'all (Josh, Jon, Jimmy, Stephen et al) missed out on this joke: There is one and only one airplane manufacturer that was named for the sound made when a door blows off from a plane in flight...

[@Moekoffee2001]

Trump wasn’t mentioned once, THANK YOU!!!

[@vickisawyer7405]

I love hotel jokes, since I work in one. Sometimes I wish I believed in ghosts, but my hotel is two new, nothing dead here except for maybe some of the employees...just kidding!!👻👻

[@JoeyIndolos]

3:22 That last “raccoon” brought out Stephen’s French ancestry 😄

[@mythplatypuspwned]

I thought that Boeing joke was gonna be a Spirit Airlines joke.

[@TXnine7nine]

Spirit only flies Airbus.

[@rickfry6031]

That was the best intro ever into meanwhile

[@WendyCarrey]

Steven. I Loved this! Wendy

[@yours09trully]

😂 here for the laughs!

[@SebBrosig]

That list of performers is also all the ones that could be hired for the presidential inauguration

[@maisonneuve]

Thank you Stephen

[@theresataylor1565]

First a rat, then a raccoon. What's next? Oh, I know... a name change.... SPIRIT ANIMAL Airlines!!!

[@GrandmaEllen]

That many clowns?

[@r.1599]

5:24 Hotel Haunting promos: Good idea. Let the public know where the ghosts are so we can avoid them. I've stayed in a haunted hotel room before (found out its reputation for hauntings after-the-fact), and let's just say that I won't be staying at that hotel _ever again._

[@jackpinewood9344]

Where did you serve Steve? Kiss Army? 🤔🤭🤣

[@TheJudiBambiPurrsParadox]

THE BOAT PEOPLE HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT...HUNDREDS OF WHALES GET STRUCK BY SHIPS AND BOATS EVERY YEAR...SOME DYING FROM THEIR INJURIES.

[@ryshow9118]

Bishop Briggs is incredible 😍

[@NusretTaras-o9q]

More Likes For Stephen Colbert 👍👍

[@pwtraveler33]

If that's what Tik Tok Tush is, then imagine what Tik Tok Toe is 😳

[@Quickstrike1981]

quadruple twist, NBC will play 100X more commercials & only 1 second of the parade so no one can see it.

[@bscottfree]

Known Spoilers is going to be a knew segment 🤞🤞😂😂😂😂😂😂🤪🤪

[@patrickwright8552]

The introductions to "Meanwhile" touch me deeply. A Trump steak piercing my cold, undead heart.

[@lwells267]

I don't need Tik Tok to get a hemorrhoid. 😂

[@DEATHBYFLYINGCDS]

I once was assigned a room key to a room that *turns off lights, turns on camera* didn't exist!

[@justrosy5]

Poor spirit birds...

[@yudithcaron8053]

I guess bedbugs are too spooky for the audience, which is why Stephen went with keycard that doesn't work.

[@Serviervorschlag-]

2:40 I watch KZbin on the toilet. How is this called? 😁

[@deBASHmode]

PooTube

[@fumbleknit719]

YourTube?

[@EsaLena1]

Years ago, the Israeli Air Force studied bird migration patterns in the area so that they could design their training exercises to minimize bird strikes.

[@jamesconnell323]

I’m glad you’re on U-Tube because I can get Stoned at night and watch your show on CBS, then the next day I can watch it again straight, so I can remember the Monologue and …. MEANWHILE and who your guests were, and what you talked about with them. 😅😊😅