Turn Self Sabotage Into Self Improvement

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Self sabotage is a big part of many mental health issues. How can we recognize self sabotage and in turn work toward self improvement? Learn more about what self sabotage really is - from the perspective of a psychologist, Dr. Ramani AND a hypnotherapist, Grace Smith, and the subconscious reasons we self sabotage in the first place.
#SelfSabotage #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #medcircle #selfimprovement #hypnotherapy #psychology

[@MedCircle]

Enjoying this interview? This is just one episode of a full series! Get instant access to the rest HERE bit.ly/39dSUl1

[@Chainsaw_Bunny]

Ok, tell me if I’m going crazy, but I could have sworn that MedCircle offered personalized online therapy, not just pre-recorded videos. Has this changed? I remember seeing a page where you can choose your doctor and get to know them.

[@nataliesue2485]

Is it possible for someone to have the narcissist personality and self sabotage? Because my older sister could fit into both of those from what I've learned through these videos today.

[@Katie-qu9iv]

@@nataliesue2485 Yes my ex's a self-sabotaging narcissist.

[@beatricepia477]

Should I stay or should I go theory and slf sabotaging during confinement is a common dilemma we re all into these days , thank you for the support 😊

[@KK38789]

​@SGgaming When Dr Amani (?) mentioned supporting the dysfunctional hypothesis - that means we do things that support our negative self-image that we developed in childhood. The dysfunctional hypothesis is the belief that doesn't serve us. Sometimes coaches with a medical background are a better fit than a therapist.

[@misscboogie]

"I'm a walking limiting belief." Didn't think I could admire Dr. Ramani more. What a comfort to hear someone so intelligent and interesting be so real.

[@abigailbarfoot3846]

She is so articulate and explain everything so well.

[@grapesoda3414]

RIGHT?! I love that about her ❤️

[@mojo2nyte11]

Are intelligent interesting people generally not real?

[@dorariggs3473]

"Your subconscious will never let you become something that you hate" 🤯

[@chillbaby5000]

sure it will. people become things they hate all the time. The things you hate are really just the parts of yourself you cant come to terms with. If you keep ignoring it, its ugly head will get bigger and bigger until you are forced to deal with it. Thats what your subconcious wants.

[@Katie-qu9iv]

One of the things that a person needs to do in life is live your values. If you don't live your values it's a constant fight against yourself. For example, the thief that hates thievery.

[@LM-ht7sd]

@@Katie-qu9iv thieves are usually liars and liars get a high when they get away with it... they tell people they hate it when they actually love their sin. Just as an addict loves their drug.

[@mamtaupadhyay8652]

Thanx for sharing 🙏it’s so true .. that’s why we should say positive things about yourself . Everybody has them ,

[@noreennabi]

@@chillbaby5000I totally agree with you. When you can't deal with what you hate, you eventually become that and then hate yourself because of it so unless you haven't come in terms with something you hate, you cannot be healed and live a more authentic and fulfilling life but often times we are stuck cuz we can't do that amount of work and it takes sooo much courage so it's easier for us to flee that situation or person or habit than to just face it!! And one more thing! What if you can't flee or hide or run away and you can't face that thing either?? It takes a massive toll on your mental health it's like you are enclosed in a space which is constantly shrinking, the walls are slowly coming closer to you and what happens next? 🤯You either die before your death or you lose life before you find it.

[@ladybird491]

I self sabotaged, due to being a big fat people pleaser, and never feeling that I deserved as much love as everyone else. I was taught you can't tell your family no, or you are not acting like a family member. I am now on a mostly people vacation to fix my damage, and to get my life back on track. I am spending some years without investing much time into anyone.

[@Angelfromdasky]

Same!

[@bettab9234]

Im on same vacation. Just hung up my codependent dancing shoes lol.

[@evelynmartinez464]

Yess, I can so relate to being a “people pleaser” and would sabotage myself to be someone else in able to be liked. I still struggle, but I’m putting more effort into turning it into confidence and self determination. 🙏💞

[@Clare-tea]

Sounds like a great plan.

[@qazedc3]

People vacation is what I'm on too. I love it tbh. It might be self sabotaging a bit in itself but it gives me some perspective on how wrongly I was inserting myself into dynamics just to please people and be liked, when they didnt even care about me.

[@KorinNicole]

Woooow! I think I just fell in love with Dr. Ramani. She's so good at explaining complex thought processes.

[@chanuppuluri8726]

And she's good at speaking to the limiting voices inside our heads that we don't vocalize, sometimes we don't even realize are driving our limitations.

[@alicemarie7747]

ikr she's amazing

[@eddielacrosse2]

get in line. i fell in love with her a few months ago haha

[@TheGr8fulBrat]

Me too!!

[@SZAliaBanks]

She is sooooo well spoken

[@queensigal]

Dr. Ramani is so articulate it really helps to clarify complex topics. Amongst so many useless therapists that just talk Dr. Ramani stands out and ILLUMINATES the darkness . like a star

[@joannelauer1372]

This is all so good and so true

[@michigandersea3485]

Dr. Ramani is great because she's scientifically accurate, compassionate, humble, and a great communicator.

[@saardfetner8620]

So many fancy mental sicknesses again.

[@dcostanzino]

I don't dislike wealthy people but I dislike the greed that many people have. Corporations that exploit people, our earth, etc. My brother who is a multi-millionaire stole 200k from my Mom. He didn't need it, but he saw an opportunity and took it it's because he NEVER has enough. It's almost a disease.

[@Hiraghm]

As I define capitalism as "trading value for value", I then also define greed as "a desire for the unearned" and/or "wanting something for nothing". Not being willing to trade value to get value. It is NOT a product unique to the wealthy, but also commonplace among the poor. Just look around at all the people rubbing their hands over their "covid money" they anticipate from the government.

[@BrendaGarcia-ty2ml]

Agree. The “rich hate” talk took me out of the videos

[@K7M80]

These two white people need to be checked by the dr of south Asian descent. Their whiteness and class position seems to be messing with their point of view.

[@dcostanzino]

I don't think it takes away from the video's point but yes, using $75K as an example of underachievement was a bit offputting. Many people don't have the capacity due to many things..... disabilities (mental or physical), social standing, country they live in ect to make that amount of money as is. But I do agree mentally limiting ourselves can get in the way of our goals. I don't necessarily think financial wealth is the ultimate goal anyhow There are many other factors that make one's existence rich and having enough money is simply a component of it. Think about all the wealthy people committing suicide. Perhaps they had financial wealth but lacked wealth in other areas such deep connections, purpose, spiritual, mental and physical health.

[@MsNatiBug]

@@K7M80 hahaha right cuz SOUTH ASIANS HAVE NEVER HAD PROBLEMATIC VIEWS ABOUT MONEY!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 or a literal caste system that ACTUALLY tells people they can never make more money. No multibillionaires in Mumbai landing their helicopters on the top of their private palaces in the sky over the slums. It's not like they're a culture that until recently never even ALLOWED anyone to fall in love with someone poor or anything. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@LibertyCairde]

“If you can upgrade those limiting beliefs, then there’s nothing to sabotage.” That’s such a powerful statement. Thank you!!!

[@Onlinesully]

Yes you are right Cairde, How best do you think we can go about that ?

[@janelikeaj]

🖤🖤

[@lumenia5296]

"people are afraid to go to therapy" no, a lot of ppl just can't afford it XD

[@meou_meou]

Ppl with immense trauma are!

[@ManicMercurianAstrology]

Lol I just looked into it and it was $360/month. And they called themselves inexpensive. Yikes.

[@sashahera5679]

Absolutely ... when I saw how much therapists charge I was surprised , I could never afford therapy .... it would be great if one day we could form everywhere communities where people could share thoughts in groups led by meaningful people that are more mindful of the majority of the population’s realistic earnings ....

[@itzyogurlEleanor]

In the USA, call 211. There are one who work on a sliding fee scale.

[@katie195]

Unless you find a really good therapist - they are not of much benefit. I gave up. Deal with it. Dr Ramani is a voice of reason.

[@mirelladlima5278]

Parents have their own limiting beliefs so they unknowingly pass it on to their kids. Dr.Ramani you are so right.🙏

[@krystalrussell4350]

My parents told me because they believed they wouldn't succeed in certain areas I wouldn't succeed...

[@belindamarie5557]

@@krystalrussell4350 at least you realised! Now you can change that thought/belief… (Beliefs, attitudes, behaviours… is apparently how it goes… )

[@krystalrussell4350]

@@belindamarie5557 Some things I believe in somethings I don't.

[@krystalrussell4350]

I recently found out I have DCD aka Dyspraxia and not many in my families thought I had it. With Dyspraxia it's more complex because it's based off information like instructions. So if it's too complicated it'll be harder to follow through with.

[@leahflower9924]

Honestly learning things and reading tons of books is great but from a young age we are trained to conform to not stand out to sit still for long periods of time when we are full of energy etc it's all toxic to me

[@riotgrrrlzgaming]

This video really spoke to me. I did a similar exercise in my writing group based on POV. We were asked to write about a time when we were wronged. Use dialogue, narrative voice, build the story. Make it believable. I wrote about a fight I had with my step sister. Her behavior was horrible. After we read our pieces aloud, we then had to write the same scene from the other person's POV using the same techniques. I wrote from her POV and really dove into the story. That writing exercise changed how I viewed that fight. I was equally wrong. It changed how I thought about her and the incident and it changed our relationship. I was able to let it go and forgive.

[@muhammadkhater123]

I do have a self-sabotage problem at the moment where I procrastinate my college work like crazy and I always felt this inner-me rebelling or trying to communicate as you’ve said. This video has helped self reflect better and I vow to at least try and stop my bad repetitive behavior when I notice it!

[@graciashermano725]

This is exactly what am going through. I also feel like an inner me is telling to do the right thing but some way some how I keep sabotaging and get Bs or Cs in courses that I know if I focused I would have got straight As

[@karenjohannessen8987]

@Muhammad Khater - Celebrate that you are noticing your repetitive behavior! 👏🏼

[@KatieKamala]

Maybe this will help you gain insight because I had the same problem. Usually this pattern results because as a child when you were always told what to do you had no power except to delay it. So we rebel up until the last minute because it’s a learned response. Of course this only hurts our adult self. I had someone tell me once that procrastination is a form of self sabotage. So when I do delay I have to rearrange my consciousness to help me get through it.

[@riaon]

I have an exam in 20 days and I still didn’t catch up on my work. I want to k word myself more and more everyday

[@belindamarie5557]

@@riaon it’s not the be all and end all…you have 6 days if you can change your mindset, and decide you want to do it… or perhaps it’s not truly what you want… best wishes, everything is just a moment and everything changes…

[@angmaugeri]

male in his 30s here. that story around the 16 minute mark about going back as the older self to save the day is powerful stuff. great content

[@Dominopole]

If you havent heard of IFS (internal family systems) - its very much like that story shared about the older self helping the younger 🙂

[@mahsinify]

in the series "suits" this technique was used help louis get rid of his childhood issues with bullying.

[@coziekun]

In the series The Sound of Magic, the main character goes back and comforts herself at the time shes abandoned by her mother at a playground. Its so powerful and emotional. Definitely worth watching

[@angelaengle12]

A limiting thought I've held is that if I become successful then people wouldn't love me authentically. If someone is able to love me while I'm "invisible", then they are worth my time.

[@timothydraper3687]

Become successful, but hide the signs of it (certain clothing etc) ? :-)

[@angelaengle12]

@@timothydraper3687 That would probably work.

[@meghnamehta7694]

Same

[@promisepenton6669]

Become successful for you, to love yourself. Don’t ever feel guilty for your hard work and sacrifice that made you successful. People who truly love you actually celebrate your improvement , happiness and success and do not question it or judge it.. ever.

[@chikaka2012]

There’s a little bit of truth in that. You find out who you’re true friends are when you have nothing to offer materially.

[@kcfreeman3021]

Did anyone else get tears?, just thinking of my adult persona walking into my childhood to defend me...its very intense and has so much potential for healing.

[@saardfetner8620]

Good way to earn a living being therapists. Lots of talkings.

[@majanv11]

@@saardfetner8620what

[@heyhey11793]

I wish Dr. Ramani could be my therapist. I’ve never been to therapy, I have no idea how to look for a good therapist that’s going to fit my needs.

[@danadane5497]

If you have a hr personnel they helped me find my therapist

[@katherined.3563]

@Merci Beaucoup i wish she was that aunt you can go to 'cause she makes you feel like a "normal person"

[@lynneivison5773]

Check their credentials, try them for 1 or 2 sessions and if you don't like them try another one. Listen to your gut instinct. There are bad therapists out there and you have to protect yourself But keep trying it is worth it. In Capital cities there are many free self help groups, or even free therapy sessions which usually last 6 times if you have a low income. I have never used an expensive therapist - I consider it an exploitation of the vulnerable. A priest would know of a therapist, often churches have therapists. Do not let yourself be exploited.

[@heyhey11793]

@@lynneivison5773 Thank you!

[@wonderwoman7969]

Betterhelp online

[@omin231]

I had more realizations in this 25 minute video than a f*cking year of therapy

[@laurenbernstein1539]

i love this duality of psychotherapy and hypnosis! such a great series - it's interesting and informative. it's one of my favorites.

[@MedCircle]

Thanks for watching and supporting mental health education!

[@jaimhaas5170]

I like the idea of showing the differences...but in the end for me the hypnosis sounds too far fetched to work in many situations.

[@laurenbernstein1539]

@@jaimhaas5170 i see that. i mean idk if i would ever do that. i think hypnosis just needs more time and research. but it sounds like a very creative/effective method.

[@jaimhaas5170]

@@laurenbernstein1539 I agree for a very limited number in our culture it might work. I sort of relate it to the ability to be hypnotized. I know the several times I have been at a show where they attempt to encompass the whole audience. I can't do it.

[@laurenbernstein1539]

@@MedCircle ofc! love the channel.

[@KatieKamala]

I’ve been an integrative therapist for 20 years and I’m still uncovering deeper levels of limiting beliefs in my own psyche. I am always doing the work on myself, with the help of other practitioners, which gives me a greater understanding of my clients. Everyone self sabotages in at least one area of their lives until they recognize it and overcome it.

[@jaredharbin5968]

How to overcome it is where I'm stuck at.

[@drebugsita]

This conversation is GOLD. Saving it for reference, and for my next therapy session

[@matilda1505]

ditto!

[@BlessedToBeSaved333]

Doing the same!!

[@Shortkonner]

I actually just talked about this shit. Got to let some things go to get better.

[@koalaTtime]

This episode made me cry I didn’t even expect that

[@inessalcinovic4065]

Both ladies are very intelligent and brilliant, but Dr. Ramani seems like a gentle and warm person.

[@epoulos108]

She seems tough to me.

[@alexandroskourtis5268]

i self sabotaged a lot last year... i knew very well what i was doing but for some reason i still did it...

[@kimroy6640]

I really like Dr. Ramani's analogy of the bug in the rug. This really makes sense. I am starting to read "Don't You Know Who I Am?"

[@jennyp4934]

I've just downloaded a sample on Kindle, but obviously so good I'll be purchasing it.

[@priyao5097]

She has a rare talent in public speaking. Even better than her writing. (Some people are vice-versa).

[@some_oldsoul1129]

I've done this for most of my life, and didn't realize I was doing it, even in the "absence" of someone else doing it towards me. It's like a subconscious compensatory mechanism for that which we've learned to be a familiar occurrence in our lives, early on. Over the years I've learned that even if it's something we know is counterproductive and toxic to us, we often just continue 'running that familiar program' , as if by default. I've also come to realize that it takes daily - effort (for me at least), which consist of 'relearning / re-installing' some 'new programs' which we know are healthy and productive for us (yet unfamiliar to us). I've always have been better @ helping others than focusing that same attention to help myself. I'm finally working on re-programming all the 'negative-programming' part of it, after nearly 5- decades of repeating the same patterns. ~Blessed~ To finally see it, and begin to consciously create something on the other side of that spectrum.

[@ginahess6022]

Very well said....thank you for this comment!

[@some_oldsoul1129]

@@ginahess6022 I appreciate you, likewise 👍💖

[@GuidingEchoes]

I am loving this series because I love psychology and hypnotherapy. This is all so fascinating!

[@saardfetner8620]

Lots of good b.s.

[@saardfetner8620]

Let the other therapist talks. The white one. She has ideas to share. Don't take the whole stage . WOW.

[@_pudu661]

I wish all therapists were this great, they setting the standard too high. Im on betterhelp for 3 months now and onto my 3rd therapist there, ive gotten the very generic tv therapist that just asks “how are you” and nods and listens and gives new skills or real insights to urself like why would i pay for somebody to just act like a walll and give me Nothing? These med circle videos are helping me recognize things in myself i hadnt before and just the simple alternative path technique that the one dr suggested for self sabotage patterns is more useful than the last 4 sessions with an online therapist. Thank you for doing these. I hope these doctors give training to new therapists

[@soniasun1]

betterhelp is a scam

[@peterjonesdelacruz]

This discussion made me realize A LOT of things about myself and about my unconscious habit self-sabotaging.

[@mattlehnardt8035]

I think self sabotage is safer than someone else doing it. Makes you feel secure you can accuse yourself than the terror of someone else doing it. When your self- image and worth depends so much on other people - which is naturally and healthily does when you’re little, if your core people DONT accept you and reject you when you fail you by gosh don’t want to fail cause it means rejection. So if you can fail/ blame yourself, you’re insulated from someone else’s blame/ rejection. I.e. you now control the hurt

[@queencleopatrabeverly7914]

Your subconscious will never allow you to become something you hate ! She said it best about self sabotage. Let's change the way we view people that are better off than us. We can be like them! We can climb the mountain and even make it move if we choose ! Amen

[@fenixfenix9535]

The way Dr. Ramani speaks in metaphors so fluently makes everything make sense. I write songs and stories so I enjoy listening to her talk.

[@MegaMARLEEN1]

Be careful with telling people to open up to love, cause that s how I ended up in 2 very abusive relationships. I felt I wanted to share this, hope u don t mind my comment, Dr Ramani. And thanks for sharing all of this interesting knowledge. Despite everything I still love psychology.

[@chikaka2012]

Thanks for sharing that. Too many people believe victims of abusive relationships did something wrong. In truth, anyone can fall into an abusive relationship, especially during a difficult period in their life. Sometimes best to remain a little closed during those vulnerable periods.

[@lynnesookdawar3979]

I think I ve been so lucky to have parents who validated me as a person and said « you are as good as anyone else » « don’t let anyone tell you to do with your life, including us » I naturally had this posture with my 3 kids, now adult. It was crazy hard with my youngest who was a very very difficult teenager, dropped out at 16 but I tried my best to fully support his choices and told him he would do great things. I got a ton of social pressure ( living in France) saying I should push him to conform but I didn’t listen and my parents fully backed me up on this. So grateful for my fantastic parents

[@raquelfloris4911]

Thank you for this. For years, I had self limiting believe that I am not good for relationships and I will be alone. I had thought that I had worked through that belief by starting to date again but I now realize that it still manifests in the kind of men I choose to date and what I choose to accept in relationships. I still sabotage my ability to be in a successful relationship even though I started dating.

[@EmbodyYourDivinity]

Great video! Self sabotage supports your dysfunctional hypothesis - brilliant. My biggest sabotage used to happen with bingeing on chocolate and other foods in SPITE of wanting to get healthy and lose weight. I couldn 't not do it. My freedom from my eating disorder and food addiction came when I went deeper and got free from the things that were keeping me bound to my "dysfunctional hypotheses" like being not enough, being too much and being wrong. Once I returned to an internal state of feeling enough and being ok inside, the food problem fell away.

[@kirstenshindler7767]

Addiction seems like ultimate self sabotage.

[@lancemorin3967]

True, and I also believe addictions are what people use to cope with pain based narratives.

[@lancemorin3967]

Its an attempt to fill the void with something we lacked or were deficient from in our childhood years. Its all an attempt to feel loved and secure,

[@sayin234]

It is, addiction keeps people in place, it's a state of stagnancy and people are usually addicted to smth to numb/get away from the pain.

[@lilboiinguyen7487]

We are creatures of desire😅😅

[@Lyrielonwind]

I was thinking that maybe suicide is the ultimate self sabotage because you won't have the need to self sabotage yourself any longer. Sometimes, for some people addiction can be an attempt to survive another day. I'm thinking of soldiers at war watching people dying day after day and using drugs "to make it" as many have done during the IIWW or Vietnam.

[@neilclarke6441]

Thanks

[@bhavna76rasaily]

After years of trying to heal myself, I've been thinking about self sabotage playing a huge part in my life. Whether it's romantic, emotional or even trying to loose weight, I've always felt limited, like a glass ceiling being present. And this video just confirmed it all. I had chills while watching, thanks ❤️

[@julieqiuli]

Wow I realized self-sabotage is the source of pretty much most of my problems....

[@belle3055]

Me too 😢 after dropping out of college for the 3rd time 💔

[@MusicBobAllan]

Hello Dr Ramani, I have been a huge lover of ur content for multiple years now. I’m only 1 minute into this particular video of you, but I just wanted to offer a different perspective to you saying it’s a reward when self sabotage, and say that if I’m honest with myself, it’s not purely a reward in itself, but more a feeling of being in control of any possible bad situations that may come up. The sabotage in my opinion with living this way, is that it’s driven purely through fear, and may create problems that may never even happen. Thanks again for your amazing content!

[@v8wr253]

I hope you watched the rest of the video and felt validated by what they said after!

[@jimbear8888]

Dr.Ramani is brilliant.

[@irazorn3712]

Whoa! The talk about self sabotage blew my mind. I need to remember this for my next therapy session.

[@JudeScott007]

I am an artist and I drew pictures of my shadow selves...good girl, rebel, spiritual, intellectual, and THE SABOTEUR. We decided that this self needed to be eliminated, and since I'm against death penalty, we just gave him life in prison.

[@kimberlysanchez5321]

Dr. Ramani...you are more than enough! You are Love, I see you as a oracle. A beam of light. Sending you loving peace and energy

[@Janehaver]

I have had this struggle mainly with my art career. I have the discipline to make beautiful art, but have also sabotaged myself when I want to make the leap to put my art out there. Have had to do a lot of work to change my inner voice positively before I came back to my art.

[@snoopdog3771]

God bless you Dr. Ramani 🕊️

[@janellen19]

Thank you for this discussion of self-sabotage. It is something I have done my whole life and even passed on to my children who are now adults and experiencing their own self-sabotaging behaviors. It is heartbreaking for me to see this happening as I tried so hard not to do this. How can we break this cycle so we don't pass it on to future generations?

[@CocoaButterOil]

Therapy. All of you. So your kids don’t pass this on to their kids as well

[@JennJacobs.]

Yes! I’m ok sabotaging myself, but it’s heart wrenching seeing your 18 year old daughter suffer.....especially knowing how intense and real these emotions are!

[@willcui4887]

@@CocoaButterOil inflation doesn't think so.

[@giada7408]

A note: content /trauma warnings would be good & sensible to use, especially as a mental health-informed channel, & the video title just says self sabotage but specific mentions of r@pe & s€xual abuse can trigger people, & considering male violence is a crisis & is common trauma for immense numbers of women & children, & can trigger others who are traumatized in general, a CW/TW for mentions of s€xual abuse would be good to do. I’m aware & informed & do my best to avoid unnecessary exposure to heavy topics as I can while healing, but without a warning I can’t. Thank you so much for your work, I’ve learned so much from Dr. Ramani’s talks and even had several breakthroughs on my limiting beliefs while listening to this.

[@KitschHanthekin]

she really just launched into that with some Harsh language and no warning. rough watch...

[@TxHoneyBee]

The power, intellect, and wisdom in this conversation! OMG! Thank you!

[@sharonjones7138]

Don’t hate rich people. I felt about myself that I wasn’t deserving. I felt about them, “they must be a wonderful person. I’m happy and glad they are doing well financially. But as for me, I’ll probably always struggle cause I’m a bad person”. Man the crap you’re fed as a kid can set you up for failure if you don’t get help. Thank you for your content. It is sooo important and necessary. ❤️👍🏽❤️👍🏽

[@KnitsFromTheVoid]

Of all the episodes I saw from your channel, this one is my new absolute favorite

[@TheSadie88]

Amen

[@Ani-sw8vz]

Just clicking, and listening attentively to this video was an accomplishment, for me. Starting my journey right now.

[@richardblondet]

Turned 30 this year. Still working on my limiting beliefs and self sabotagge behaviors. And I want to say that for me, after working out on getting rid of some parental resentment I've found within myself, I've been able to observe better at those issues. Amazing video, very insightful! Thank you

[@TheNikkiTimm]

I always taught I will finish school, get a good job, get my own place, meet someone, get married, have kids, be happy, but instead I'm 36 been in an abusive relationship(it ended), have 2 kids I'm a single parent, in a job I hate but only there bcuz I'm making enough money to get my kids to school n put a few items in my fridge but nothing else, I'm back living with my parents cuz I can't afford my own place n my mother would never let me forget about how much of a failure I am everyday, I pretend to b happy so my kids wouldn't see me cry ending my life just plays repeatedly in my mind

[@noriginal2546]

These talks give fill me with love and empathy and a sense that I am not alone. I love you all deeply and appreciate you very much. Everyday heroes who overcame their own trauma.

[@shontal_ceramic2830]

I love love love Dr Ramani. She is so smart. She really gets me. I think she is the most open minded person I have ever met. I mean I haven't met her yet. I have always been searching for the right psychologist, and trust me it is so hard. I find that they are very quick to judge and jump to conclusions. Dr Ramani is definitely not like this 😃

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

This is amazing… I’m starting to unpack so many childhood invalidating and shaming moments to reconstruct my broken psyche.

[@elenaw7998]

Juxtaposition of Grace and Dr. Ramani is very revealing. Grace is so visual in her approach. Dr. Ramani is so much more knowledgeable, mature and accepting.

[@ralinem.8950]

I love listening and watching Dr. Ramani because I can tell she truly loves her job. She is radiant, and I am envious. 💜 #lifegoals

[@sallysorrentino4013]

"UNPACKING" !!!!! that one word explains soooooo much about the purpose & benefits of therapy! Dang she IS good

[@ae8637]

This video has SO MUCH information that I need to rewatch it MULTIPLE times to actually get a good grip on the info.

[@begr_wiedererkennungswert]

I have difficulties to talk about trauma in person, because I fear that it will be used against me. My experience is that this is a very realistic fear. Writing about it feels a lot safer.

[@myfriendscallmek2745]

Fear of rejection, that's what seems to be underneath. Not being psychologically prepared for rejection and disappointment.

[@mrb4761]

Some people get more rejection than others - especially in a racist sexist society that is NOT a meritocracy no matter how much the people who hope it will stay exactly the way it is try to gaslight you that it IS one

[@birdlover6842]

Fear of rejection because of a disability that affects social skills will do it.

[@mariahgutierrez4481]

ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria go hand in hand most of the time too

[@jimmagwojo2718]

Had not seen this but the title stopped me as I was scrolling and I was truly glad I did. This is a solid, solid take team and I am glad I got the chance to watch this. Thank you

[@anna.augustinova]

This was such an eye-opening discussion. A few days ago I've realised I subconsciously sabotage myself, which seemed to be a big break-through for me on my journey to getting better, but I didn't know what to do with this information. I didn't know what to do about it, how to stop doing it. This video showed me possibilities. I can take control of my life. I might be happy (or happier) one day. Thank you for this.

[@susmitatripathy5659]

Congratulations, keep growing !

[@anna.augustinova]

@@susmitatripathy5659 Thank you, will try to. :)

[@wandachaneytardy2895]

Dr.Ramani, your clear explanations and humility, peppered with humor makes all of this so much easier to understand. Mahalo

[@conniet444]

Thank you, dear Dr. Ramani for all that you do for people. You are amazing. I cried watching this.

[@KerinSorensen]

Truth Teller Here, Right On for Me. Embrace this conditioning and challenging it now at 66. Receiving Love Now. Opening My Heart.

[@bososo531]

That is only one thing missing from the reliving sessions. When you go back, and relive something bad, your grown self has to go always towards the person, or people, who did bad to you, and not only understand them, but facing those people with their actions. And the client can do anything, they want to do with them, hit them, shout at them, or just educate them, doesnt matter, but your grown self always has to go until the child self is satisfied, and in peace. Understanding the perpatraitor's motives alone wont help you.

[@thesocialintrovertchronicles]

Great points.... Though I believe that some people, especially people wuh high self awareness and high sensibility can at some point realise these patterns without either psychologist or hipnotherapist. I mean, it is true that it's hard, but not impossible. I know it first hand

[@LM-ht7sd]

"You'll never become something you hate"..... I'm thankful for my conscience ❤ it continues to keep my morals and values intact and God in my life! I hate evil in every way shape and form.

[@BFRIZZLE909]

Watching Dr Ramani has helped me in so many ways! I want a Dr like her, she seems to really care about her clients.

[@Tesse10]

EMDR is one of the best forms of therapy in my opinion. There were things I didn't want to share in detail, but got the chance to process and reframe through EMDR.

[@marysuzannajayne1340]

This is amazing!!!! I recently lost my beloved truck because I was literally afraid, frozen in fact, to spend the money I had been gifted from my son to pay my truck payment??? I’m currently caring for my mom and unable to earn money right now. Why why why did I do this? Am I angry at my other wealthy siblings for not helping? Am I afraid to succeed? I know this… I have to work through this. It is a most valuable lesson. I am listening!!!

[@carolyntorres8171]

I am grateful for the abundance of quality mental health information in the Med Circle repertoire. For someone who wants to become my best self, these videos shed light on so many topics that I feel affect my life. Sending gratitude and appreciation to the facilitators, doctors, and counselors who contribute to these videos.

[@hiltonhillhomestead]

So much trauma and "bad" has happened in my life that I now assume that I'm doomed to only have bad outcomes in every aspect of my life and I've tried and tried to change that attitude but as soon as something else goes wrong, I'm right back at square one! I seriously need to change this about myself and just don't know if my trauma ridden mind can do it and I'm tired of being alone and I'm tired of being stuck!

[@soozshooz]

THIS video is #1 b/c it is THE reason for ALL 9 personality Disorders. Trickles from the top- or the bottom- Foundation - Child Trauma.

[@olgahampton4701]

I think you are amazing. I love you. You have helped me not to fall too far! Thank you. I’m very grateful. My children still have me here in life because of you. You have educated me in what I’ve been living with for 33 years. I could never put my finger on what was happening. I now understand. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m now ready to live the rest of my life.

[@hunny8341]

"How do I decide whether I really just like sweatpants or if this is self-sabotage?" - I have the exact same problem and an answer that Dr. Ramani started but never finished I find really great: Do you really feel comfortable and at ease in sweatpants, or does it come up into your mind more often? For me it's definitely the latter. THANK YOU guys so much, I'm halfway through the video but I already found out so much about myself.

[@ladymarycrawley6613]

Bug on the rug 😊 the way Dr Ramani can state complex psychological process with simple analogies is everything. Yes when you take a step back you are self-aware. When you are in trauma or within that chaos, you never see the self sabotage or wrong turns you're making. Most intelligent people make poor decisions during a traumatic life event. Happy to listen to this interview. 🌏 Round vs flat 👏👏

[@danvieira22]

Dr. Ramani is so brilliant. I'm amazed, Wow.

[@kiwi_kirsch]

19:03 made me cry. i am sooooo glad to have gone through ER when my life was in danger, thus i "stumbled" into therapy to cope with what we thought was major depression. it took me three further years until a friend told me about her abuse experience. her telling me this was MY STORY which i, for the first time ever, associated with "being abused". then i first understood i had ptsd other than some weird depression. going through recovery since. any trauma survivors: i can only say how much therapy helps. flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety attacks are a nightmare, but each and every one can be used to help resolve that shit in our brains.

[@jemmac5433]

DAMN. the effect of this video on my brain was E L E C T R I C

[@leenasca2339]

I respect Dr Ramani's Channel. It's so relieving to finally have the explanations to so many of my issues. Trauma, Negativity, and self hate controlled my life at such a young age 5. Now at 42 I finally surrendered, faced my fears, sort help for alcoholism, accepted my ADHD, instead of pretending if I drank enough it would go away. I never understood the term believe in yourself, for decades I didn't get it. I totally get it now. Thank you for all the videos. Always having positive reinforcements. 😘

[@soniavos8567]

So glad I have found you. My whole body aches the stress of negitive energy is making me ill!

[@kellyleighread807]

I am learning that I have this behavior. I was going on vacation, yet didn't bc I had not refilled my meds. I was violently discarded after 36 year's of marriage. I was 24 when I was married. Sixty one years old when at divorce. I was isolated due to the ex husband. He had to control us. Rage was a way to control. Also silent treatment for months. He also had us so fearful that none wanted his wrath. We were each afraid of him.

[@taradutton8871]

How are you feeling now Sonia?

[@soniavos8567]

@@taradutton8871 much better. Thank you. Only 30 days til the move. ✌💪❤ Happy Easter! How are you?

[@jeremiez381]

Question for Dr Ramani: has she ever read The Republic by Plato? isn't it a paradox that good people are less attracted to power and therefore do not reach for it? how do we bring good people into positions of power?

[@mariewilliams194]

I used to self sabotage and people would make a fool out of me. If you don't carry yourself self with dignity . you will give away your power if you allow people to have power over you.

[@semrana1986]

Dr. Ramani is so eloquent. Ms. Grace also brought up some interesting points to ponder. Thanks.

[@Etherealvioletco]

Dr. Ramani is so helpful!!

[@michellegash1319]

Whenever I come across any interviews with Dr Ramani, I always watch them. Her videos on dealing with Narcissists have helped me immensely. So grateful that she is kind enough to allow her advice and tips etc to be on line 🙌🙌. Massive thank you to her ⭐⭐

[@mrsfanni]

cracking up about how kyle quietly realizes his own issues in min 13.15-13.30 :D. feeling with you, bro!

[@juliesambrook8387]

Hi thank you Dr ramani.. Your videos on bdp. I have son was diagnosed with bpd about 4/5 years ago he is 36 years old. As you say suffers with depression and uses drugs. Suicide thoughts has self-harmed. Shuts himself away. Refusing meals sometimes. And neglects himself in that he does not wash/shower nor clean his room. Has had hospitalised three times and had some therapy. He doesn't believe has helped. He gets very angry aggressive and non co-operative. He used to take himself out for walk to our local country parks( we live in dagenham Essex England.. UK.) he found helped. That's his favourite environment. But has not done so for 18/24months. Also social avoidance disorder. I did go along to workshop run by I. M. P. A. R. T.. I found helpful in understanding bpd to a degree. Watching your videos is helpful some more. Thank you so much. Julie in dagenham UK

[@belle3055]

I'm the same way as your son. This is really hard. A constant battle every single minute, hour, day... But God has better plans for me I know, so I try my best to get better and do well... I would advise you to stay by your son's side, don't abandon him, he needs someone who supports him emotionally especially. Also pray for him, ask God to help him find a way, a healthier way to live. It could be seeing a therapist, replacing bad coping mechanisms with better ones.

[@starlingswallow]

"Your subconscious will never let you become something you hate" ❤️

[@sk3ffingtonai]

Fascinating content, thank you. I never thought of Dr. Ramani being challenged with 'limiting beliefs. Dr. Ramani is wonderful, intelligent, and so well-spoken. She lays it all out there and I can appreciate her honesty.

[@onetier]

Absolutely loved this! I'm totally a self-sabotager. I also really liked the insight from hypnotherapist. Answered a lot of questions I had about the whole process. Thank you!

[@LoveLoveStrong]

I needed this so much today. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[@ArshakAndriasov]

4. Iosif Andriasov Quote: “A person’s will is worked on for many years and is expressed in overcoming harmful attachments.”

[@thomasstanford80191]

I'm impressed all three of you had equal sharing moments Typically when there are more of one gender or the other they dominate the conversation This discussion was very balanced in that respect and aspect and is quite appreciated

[@yuukeii]

I did self sabotage myself and I knew deep down I was. I wasn't bettering myself, Yes, I somewhat was but my only motivation was to satisfy myself by pleasing others

[@Sunshine-yk2eg]

0:12 *what it is and looks like* doing things that make your life worse and more difficult 0:46 *why* 》supporting your dysfunctional hypothesis/ distortions *Examples* □ 1:58 finances 》developing hatred towards random things because of subconscious things 》"Your subconscious will never let you become something you hate" 》you end up sabotaging and limiting yourself □ 3:38 maintenance of negative mood states and cognitions (a sort of learned helplessness and despair) 》subconscious messing up of things when they do go right 》Self fulfilling prophesy □ 9:52 dressing badly /not putting in the work on your persona or appearance 》ruining your chances of finding love because you believe you won't find it anyway 6:10 *catching your own limiting beliefs* 1) birds eye view 2) diagrammatic breakdown (10:31) 3) how uncomfortable does it make you feel? (11:40) 4) why have I not met my goals yet? (12:55) why havent I fixed what I know im doing wrong? 13:46 *Reframing*

[@williamdavies1977]

I love the simultaneous head nod @ 15:45. You know it's good.