I Was Wrong About Midsommar

[@technojunkie123]

I never understood why so many people couldn’t empathize with Dani as I understood her completely the first time I watched - because she was a heightened version of me when I was grieving during one of the worst periods of my life. My family didn’t want to see my grief because we had to be there for the family of the person we lost, but all I wanted was to be held and consoled on how hurt I felt about this sudden loss. I was lucky to at least have friends who were there for me during that time. The real horror of Midsommar hits when you’ve not only experienced grief, but grief in a way where it feels like no one sees it or worse, no one cares. Because god, would it feel so nice to be held, comforted, and validated in your grief by a whole group of women who wail with you instead of being turned off by your pain. It might just be worth looking the other way when that group treats others in a not so nice way…

[@khipp13]

Well said. I also identified strongly with Dani when I first saw the film. Perhaps to a concerning point where I wished that I could have a group like the Harga to take me in, even with the crazy cult stuff going on.

[@Derk6799]

TBF you kinda answered your own question. You could see yourself in Dani, allowing you to empathize with her easier, a lot of other people haven't gone through stuff like this, meaning it'd be much harder for them to see them selves and empathize with Dani.

[@ankraly]

I would say that whether you see such a group of women as EVER available to you is another point. Midsommar's aesthetics and protagonist silo the viewer into a particular kind of relatability. For one thing, I'm not a straight cis blonde white girl, my experience with the women in that same cult could be different. For another angle on that same thing, I'm an immigrant, my country is at war, I'm transgender - a lot of grief has been in the "no one sees it, no one cares" category my whole life. The war affecting half the important people in my life is thankfully not affecting the other half, and I absolutely HAVE TO grit my teeth and see that as a positive! instead of focusing on how my closest friends wouldn't understand my pain, which I want to do rather badly and rather often. A movie lamenting on the desire for support for your pain through the lens of a western girl who's only just discovering the fact that sometimes, indeed, "no one sees it & no one cares".... Well, it can be a bit boring, even though I'd 100% support and empathise with a specific friend going through the same. It may be a matter of whether you the viewer see Dani as a neutral protagonist or perhaps neutral woman to relate to, or a straight white western woman you don't relate to.

[@jimkirk3839]

Absolutely, I saw midsummer just a month after my mom died and it remains one of the most impactful movie experiences of my life. The cut to Dani panicking in the airplane bathroom just solidified it and the rest didn’t let me down. I felt so understood. Her acting was incredible, I related so hard. This movie really is for the grieving.

[@fey0217]

i think the people who couldn't empathize with dani are just people who haven't experienced loss. i've gone through most of my life until very recently not having lost the people i loved. and when i first watched the movie a few years back, admittedly i didn't understand why dani was like this. but i've lost people in my life in a very similarly tragic way dani lost her family and watching the video made me understand her, and go as far as to feel even worse for her than i previously did on my initial watch of the film. in a way it's a blessing to not be able to understand dani.

[@caramelbear77]

I watched a review of Midsommar that had been done with a woman who specialised in cults. It always stuck with me how she said that Midsommar was basically a step-by-step look at how cults attack vulnerable people and recruit them into doing wild stuff. I was not very mentally healthy when I watched Midsommar, so that was my way of discovering that I’m rather susceptible to being recruited by a cult.

[@lindseydrew9812]

Omg what was the video? Would love to watch it

[@AChickandaDuck]

I’d love to see this review! I grew up in a cult-like religion so I’m fascinated with the subject

[@caramelbear77]

@@lindseydrew9812 I wish I could find it!! I tried looking, but I can’t seem to see it on here

[@atsumehana8211]

I think it’s that much more powerful in the context of a post I saw on Reddit. The cult was the cause behind her family’s death, and it’s insinuated through the huge display of flowers immediately next to her parents’ bed at the scene. They targeted her from the very start and took steps to isolate her from anyone who would miss her.

[@loadishstone]

A good critics is ALWAYS willing to reanalyze their own judgements. From Samuel Johnson to José Ortega y Gasset to TS Eliot, all have looked back at their older judgements and found themselves disagreeing with them…funny enough largely because they see the immaturity and inexperience behind them. That’s damn good company.

[@Zeffer32]

"Changing your mind is the best way to determine whether or not you still have one!" one of my fave quotes! (from the Taylor Mali poem 'Like Lily Like Wilson')

[@brya9681]

No this guy is a shitty critic who suddenly realized how dumb his take was

[@brya9681]

@@loadishstone except this moron isn't a good critic

[@callummay5184]

Christian didn’t ’cheat’ on Danny. He was drugged and coerced, which is rape. He was scared and confused and was clearly going along with it out of self-preservation. I think it’s important to conceptualise that moment this way, otherwise it perpetuates harmful ideas about male victims of SA. Overall though, I really enjoyed this vid. Amazing insights, really well researched and articulated. Love your work!

[@justsomenobody889]

Agree, switch genders and I would also call it coercion or what's sometimes referred to as 'gray rape', which doesn't deserve to be treated lightly. I felt sorry for Christian's character, probably moreso than any other (besides the lungs-out guy..), but I think because he is kind of an unlikeable character people have a bias toward not seeing him as a victim

[@studioseppuku9454]

the actor has said in interviews in the scene after when he sobers up and is in a panic he is playing it fully as a female actor would play a rape victim. If Dani was drugged and put in a room of chanting men to be bred no woman would praise this film the way they do ie Christian being the villian, deserving to be burnt alive and it being a female empowerment film. It isn't

[@dtsv33]

Watch the movie again. It's ambiguous. He's told before he's drugged that he was chosen to mate with the girl. He's told this could be part of his anthropological studies. He asks if he could make a study of it without participating in the mating and then the scene cuts and we don't hear what is said next. Then he is given a drink and told it contains something mind altering. He hesitates but then still drinks it knowing that he's being drugged. After that it's a slippery slope. I think it's ambiguous.

[@studioseppuku9454]

@@dtsv33 it’s also implied that he has been slowly and consistently drugged with and without his consent in the days previous to the ceremony as well as being sleep deprived like they all are.

[@studioseppuku9454]

@@dtsv33 there is also a moment when Christian very delibrately says 'no' to taking a drink that he knows is spiked but the Harga have correctly concluded that he is quite weak willed so can be pressured and coerced into taking it which he does. They play all the characters 'flaws' against themselves as cults do. It's not that ambiguous.

[@morganleanderblake678]

...this video made me start the process of finding a therapist.

[@QueenFondue]

I know I'm a stranger on the internet but I'm really happy for you. It's the first step of many along a long and difficult journey, but therapy has done so much for me and I wish you luck.

[@StudioHannah]

As another stranger on the internet, can I just say I am SO GLAD you're taking that step. Therapy saved my life. It took time, it'll take you time, but looking back my life is entirely different (and better) than it was when I first started the process of finding a therapist and I know you'll get there too.

[@cassandraunheeded]

Cool. Well done.

[@HandsomeLongshanks]

Yeah, this video was shockingly introspective despite it not being about me. I'm probably gonna get some therapy started too.....definitely need it.

[@fluorescentalien5204]

I think im going to do that, too. im realizing a lot of things about the ways I try not to take up space because of this video.

[@whereisCarmenSandiego]

Since my young son died a few years ago I’ve been living in constant grief. This movie is a very real portrayal of grief. It comes in waves. But even when the waves don’t overtake you- you’re still drowning in the rain that never ends.

[@kublakhan2342]

I am so sorry for your loss, as a parent i can only imagine the pain. X

[@Anvekeen]

So so sorry for your loss ... You should watch Hereditary, but do be careful because the themes woll hit very close to home.

[@neliabedelia]

when i first watched midsommar, my mental health was at its lowest, and my relationship (with a guy also named christian) left me feeling worse each time he left me on read or seemed happier around friends than he was with me. i knew my relationship was dying and i knew he wanted to pull away, but i was so afraid of letting go. my high school years were incredibly lonely, and if he was gone, some of my happiest memories would be tainted, and i couldn't lose that. midsommar left me feeling absolutely sick with how much of myself i saw in dani and her relationship, in a way that i don't think anything else has hit me before or again. it's a fantastic movie and i absolutely loved it, but i'm not sure if i can rewatch it yet.

[@caseyw.6550]

Feeling for you! I hope you will rewatch when you feel ready. That's the awesome thing about this movie...it may actually show you how far you've come. ❤

[@cassandraunheeded]

Oh baby. So well done. Regards.

[@neliabedelia]

@@caseyw.6550 don't worry, this was a few years ago so it's mostly that residual feeling of "wow, that hurt" haha. i want to watch it eventually when i'm able to gather the courage to do so! i agree, i think the movie will hit different the next time i watch it, and i think that shows how well ari aster accomplished his goal in creating it :)

[@alejandragonzalez1676]

Va Moo bbbi ibivîb lo😊vo

[@vuhnessuhh]

I was in a very similar situation. abusive relationship and this movie was weirdly one of the steps that made me realize that i needed to get out. I felt like it was a "good for her" ending. Rewatching as I've healed, I recognize the cycle of abuse shown in the film. Dani loses everything, her bf sucks, she gets roped in to the cult easily. I recognize Christian is a victim now. Dani isn't better off now, she is more isolated than ever.

[@InvaderHog]

Midsommar spoke to me in a way that no one else could after my sister committed s**ide. When she died, it was like the entire world stopped for me and my family and we all tackled the grief of it in all different ways- no one was good or bad, we were all just trying to get through it but I remember feeling like I was the only one drowning and my friends and family were just watching me and even though they were trying to give me words of encouragement and be there for me, it felt more like they were just watching me drown. Midsommar came out literally a month before my sister passed and I remember that I loved the movie, but it hadn't been relatable, and then after my sister passed- I watched that movie again with such a clarity as I had never had. The scene when she was screaming at the beginning was literally how I felt most days and to see that one screen was so cathartic. Finally- someone was saying what I was feeling and I remember I defended the shit out of that movie to everyone because they just didn't get it- that movie was saying everything I was feeling and more.

[@Anvekeen]

I'm so sad you went through this, I hope you and your family are feeling more at peace with what happened ❤ But yeah, I feel like people who don't appreciate this movie never dealt with heavy feelings or don't want to confront them. Because Hereditary and Midsommar made me feel like I never felt with another movie - somewhat exhausted, confused, and confronted with those deep feelings I often wanna cast away. His work is just brilliant.

[@serpentenya]

I am SO SO sorry for your loss and in such a traumatic way. My best friend also took her life when I saw Midsommer and this is exactly what happened. Lots of love to you 🤍

[@veloc.raptor9136]

Danny spends the entire movie not able to portray what she thinks or feels to others, until her emotions and thoughts are dictated by the group. Christian spends the entire movie not being able to tell Danny what he wants or needs from her, until he physically cant anymore by the group.

[@veloc.raptor9136]

Thinking Christian is a narcissist because Danny is an echoist is logical fallacy because to an extreme echoist, normal behaviour is seen as narcissism (and vice versa). Yeh Christian is a dick but hes also lazy, non confrontational and a coward. He doesnt force Danny to do anything, but he exploits her weakness to get his way. If he were a narcissist he wouldve have made Danny and the others do as he says, and would have no issue dumping danny when he got bored. if all that matters and all that exists is you, then why care about what others feel and think of you (friends, family, gf, school, etc).

[@mittag983]

​@@veloc.raptor9136Nah narcissists can be very lazy especially a covert narcissist what you're thinking of what Christian is not is a sociopath/psychopath

[@twobabka]

@@veloc.raptor9136narcs love feeling bad for themself and blaming the ppl around them for the circumstances the narc created/chooses to stay in

[@cassandraunheeded]

Nothing dictates to Dani.

[@cassandraunheeded]

@@veloc.raptor9136Neither of thin is mentally compromised.

[@Marlboro-lights1]

My father died from brain cancer almost a year ago this month and my mother, who was my best friend passed 3 months ago from a random aneurysm. My father wasn’t a great guy, but I loved him the same. My mother was my hero and best friend. I find my self hating the world now. I haven’t gone to work in a month. I’ve lost weight. I smoke cigarettes non stop. I feel anger and sometimes I wake up crying. I can’t listen to my mom’s voice or watch videos of her. I’m surrounded by her things. I can’t enter one room in my house now because it’s become just a place for her things now. I don’t understand why something so cruel happened to such a wonderful woman. Life is hard. Tell the people you love, you love them. That’s one thing I find comfort in. I knew I was loved and cared for by my parents. I want them back. I’m only 37. I’ve got a long road ahead and I have to walk it without the people who brought me into the world. Grief is scary.

[@GeologicalNerd]

My mother is getting to be at that age that I will have to face the same loss as you in the next decade or so. I hope there is someone who can comfort you to some degree. I know I am another internet nobody, but I wish you healing. I'm am so sorry your heart is filled with such weight and sorrow. Take care internet friend, take care

[@thevictoriazh]

I am very sorry for your loss, it can't have been easy to be this open and vulnerable about what you experienced and your feelings. I know I'm just an internet stranger, but let me know if you ever need a person to talk to. Sometimes sharing stuff is easier with a person has no other connections to your life. Either way, I wish you all the love and support of the world and know you are not alone in this

[@alexxx4434]

You can do it.

[@hannie0809]

Im so sorry for your loss

[@janeangel7049]

I feel your pain. I am grieving and can’t tell you it will get better , just that I know the crazy pain.

[@eleanorbidwell2069]

Echoism is such a fascinating concept to me as an autistic person. Echoist behavior is how I protect myself against social norms that I don’t understand-masking is quite literally a form of echoing the world around me for the sake of staying emotionally and socially safe. This video opened my eyes to that tendency and made me question if that’s really who I want to be, which is something I haven’t felt like I’ve had a choice in for most of my life. Thank you for this video

[@Fimbleshanks]

I was thinking the same thing as I watched this! Hearing all of this with the added lense of ASD just gave me even more to think about. Super interesting video.

[@rowanjoy419]

*crying with you* am autistic too and I just realize I have been doing Echoism all this time.

[@sagamaraia]

I have been finding myself in quiet BPD diagnoses and as I now heard the same attributes described in Echoism, I have to wonder if they are the same thing. A sad person trying their best to be happy and likable and not to bother others, but still spilling over because no one is meant to live like that. But still it is what you are, like the mask that you wear grows on your skin up to the point it makes your skin. I am also autistic and lost people in my younger years and it seems all this bottled up stuff added to the mask that I have carried and the social norms I have memorized is just a vast sea of something outside of me, so deep I have no idea if a me is even findable. At the moment I am living through a phase I call death as the version of me I was is losing oxygen and the version of I could be is starting to form. Meanwhile I am living in my house and being agoraphobic, apparently. But it is very often so, that the comfort you feel, feels abusive to someone else if they were dropped in to the same situation. I try to remember that, so I will keep moving on.

[@Cocoanutty0]

I’ve had these exact same thoughts watching this video. I’m also autistic and also have a mother who has narcissistic traits and my immediate response to the part about Dani running away whenever she felt strong emotions was guttural. It is me.

[@maddymontano3465]

@@sagamaraiathis comment is genuine poetry, and I sympathise with it so much.

[@pale2104]

21:25. In 25 seconds you beautifully captured a defense mechanism that I have been employing my entire life but have never been able to fully comprehend. Before now, I never understood why I would feel humiliated when my negative emotions could be observed and why I would reject any consolation that was offered in favor of a quick escape. This is going to stay on my mind for a very long time. I applaud you for making something meaningful out of your recent hardships and thank you for doing so as it has made a positive impact on my life. All the best.

[@10Gpixels]

It takes balls to make a whole video essay on something, and then make another to explain how you were wrong. That level of self-awareness and integrity is very admirable.

[@messmass2573]

Is it tho? Because ultimately he can profit from ad revenue from both.

[@10Gpixels]

@@messmass2573 Ad revenue is a very bad profit margin for KZbinrs. It's not only pretty low income, but also prone to being constricted by various other factors. For instance, KZbin can randomly say "this video is demonetized" for no reason, with no hope of getting monetization back without begging on Twitter. This is especially common when talking about horror movies, and mature concepts like death and grief. Ultimately, I don't see that as a motivation for this. That sounds more like taking this video in the worse possible light to justify a disliking of it imo.

[@messmass2573]

@@10Gpixels I mean, it does come as a occupational hazard. Every job has one, so why KZbinrs didn't shouldn't have one either? After all, they can just voice whatever opinion they have and potentially, sway the public opinion. I just find it it's very easy for KZbinr to take back what they said in the past without so much of consequences. They just need to make a bombastic and controversial take on single topic to garner attention and backpedal their opinion it by appealing it to most popular take.

[@10Gpixels]

@@messmass2573 It wouldn't be the first time someone had a publicized bad take on a popular movie. Given the amount of work they did in the first video to make the viewer see from their perspective, I doubt it was done so purely to be controversial. Don't get me wrong, that definitely happens on KZbin. People rage-bait constantly, but usually rage bait channels refuse to admit it's a bad take to milk more clicks out of more controversial takes in the future. KZbinrs are just as flawed and normal as the rest of us, so when they hear a convincing argument about something, their opinion is subject to change. Makes sense that if someone has a bad take, that they'd start a discussion that leads to a different viewpoint. When you have a large conversation, where tons of people express their viewpoints, the outcome of the conversation usually ends up with a neutral perspective; hence why it ends up being the "popular take" in the end. If every person with a bad take who's opinions change after a long discussion were a cynical self-serving hypocrite, we'd all be just as guilty.

[@messmass2573]

@@10Gpixels Well, you definitely knew more about this particular content creator than I do then. I just don't want give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially if I only knew someone from KZbin.

[@frogostar]

i wish more people talked about how Christian was absolutely raped. he didn't cheat on Dani, he was drugged and coerced into it. if you switched the genders of the scene it would absolutely be talked about as rape, which is super fucked up. Christian was a victim. He was also an asshole, but he was a victim.

[@anitanoterajes]

If you switched the gender most likely she would be called a slut and whore by their entire hometown, the town will probably protect the abusers bc they dont want to waste the precious boys pontential. Then the girl will kill themselves because of the trauma. How do I know? This a true story that happened countless times.

[@snortsalineoflavender]

definitely !!

[@thoughtsofadame1952]

to be fair Dani doesn't know that and for the purposes of recruiting her she needed to see him "cheating" it is when the audience fails to see this thats the problem.

[@charles-andrerichard491]

Honestly, I've seen this comment multiple times and I've never seen anyone denying that he is a victim. Stop using that switcheroo argument, it's not what's being discussed here and it's irrelevant. Also, Danni is not aware of the drug part. The cult makes it look like cheating to her...

[@fauxsito]

Totally. It's one of the extremely rare examples of both parties being raped since Maja is only 15

[@tarenflores]

I was in a kinda toxic relationship when i first watched midsommar and hereditary. I think both movies are amazing depictions of how intimate relationships can break down, replacing love with bitterness and frustration. They were never horror movies to me, but they gave catharsis to the difficulties I was experiencing in my real life relationships.

[@hastur_kinginyellow5310]

There not really in a relationship.. He was about to break up with her, then her whole family died. And now he has to be the person she leans on untill he feels enough time has passed that he doesn't seem like a jerk who just dumped a girl going through a tragedy. This is two people who know they don't belong with each other. Cause I'm sure she was feeling the same way before tragedy struck. There both stuck with each other. It's pretty sad both ways

[@nimrodgrrrl]

This is exactly why they are horror movies to me!

[@emmylynnd1429]

when midsommar first came out, i saw it in a theatre with two of my friends. we watched the movie with a near empty theatre besides a group of teenagers who laughed and mocked it the entire time, and an older couple who didn’t seem to quite understand the movie and left half-way through. i went to the hotel i was staying at that night & stared at a wall to process everything that i just watched. after getting back from that trip, i then went to see this movie five more times in theatre. I went through the death of three people in my life at that time and immediately connected with every aspect of midsommar. Your closing comments in this video PERFECTLY described how i felt coming to the same conclusion you have. From the sound of your voice making those statements, to your final words themselves. I, at first watch, wanted and even DESPERATELY needed someone to comprehend and understand why i felt watching this movie so many times. but by my final watch in theatre’s, i came to the conclusion that i hope NO ONE relates to the grief that i’ve gone through. Midsommar is my favorite movie that i’ve seen in my lifetime and as much as it hurts it feels healing at every rewatch in this confusing kind of way.

[@colonelweird]

This is the kind of video essay that's been missing on youtube - reflective, vulnerable, insightful, analytical ... all at once. A truly astonishing work. I hope other youtube creators can learn from it.

[@olexvndrv]

This. Thisthisthisthis. This. Oh my. ;_; It was so refreshing to watch.

[@lilyawoodburn]

Agreed, not only is it the best Midsommar analysis I've ever seen, but it's one of the better video essays I've seen ever

[@Veritanky]

theres pretty good vid essays about Jennifers Body named Unraveling The Secret Genius of Jennifer’s Body you might like

[@TrulyHumbleUnderGod2099]

glaze

[@jforozco12]

I'll love the honesty you show on your video so I'll repay it with mine knowing it will probably be lost in the comment section. Back in the day when the movie was first released and shown in the local cinemas on my city I went and saw it with a couple of friends, all of them found the character of danny insufferable for the very same reasons you gave on your first video, she seemed like an overtly idealized figure of grief and moral superiority with respect to her relationship dynamic with her boyfriend. I had just gone through a very traumatic loss of a loved one a couple of months before, almost a year, not as dramatic as in the movie but equally surprising, and I had a completely different read on her character, one that I mostly kept to myself. Seeing your video now makes me feel understood. That line about feeling one dimensional hit hard. That's exactly how grief feels for me too. Its a loss in the very real sense of losing a part of you, leaving you like a shell of yourself. This was a meaningful watch, you've got a new subscriber. Also, if anybody read this sorry for the bad english, not my first language.

[@ItsAsparageese]

Your English is excellent, and so is your comment :)

[@jforozco12]

@@ItsAsparageese thanks!

[@dustedneonlight]

This is what’s so beautiful about film- the ability to rewatch something later on in life and seeing it from a very different perspective. Loved the old video and this video for both perspectives as they are both valid in their own ways! Thank you ❤

[@catsclub12566]

Same thing can be said for a poem written by a 10 year old. Heck even I have gone back on my old poems and found profound meanings of life from random scramblings

[@ESTHER-pc1qf]

​@@catsclub12566does that make it less valid? hindsight and growth are the gifts of humanity. find joy in something lol

[@melovil9199]

This video made me quit heroine and start doxxing ppl to make maney

[@goose_clues]

You rewatch this shit?

[@Saffron-sugar]

It wasn’t that long ago

[@ninamariie7409]

I lost three of my close family members since I've turned 17 (34 now) and found such great comfort in this movie and I never fully understood why. I led a very similar relationship after loosing my mother and the movie always felt cathartic to me. I felt like I saw the movie through such different eyes than others and I sensed that it was because of my loss. But to this day I just didn't make the connection. If you'd have asked be I wouldn't even have remembered that Danny lost her family in the beginning and that grief is almost the center of the movie.. Thank you for this video. I understood so much about the movie, grief, myself, why I did things the way I did and felt the way I felt and thank you for introducing the word echoist to us. This changes a lot.. I hope you feel better soon. I once read a quote and it really helped me: grief does not change you, it reveals you. Love from Austria

[@ilonakonradsheim3988]

Hi! Bin auch aus Österreich, aus Niederösterreich! So spannend, wie uns filme beeinflussen und mir fehlen immer die exakten punkte, die erst solche videos klar benennen, damit ich es tatsächlich bewusst sehe und dann mir erklären kann… davor ist es bei vielem, auch in der Realität eine gefühl von etwas, und komplett diffus ich weiß nur DASS es mich beeinflusst, mir im Gedächtnis bleibt, es juckt einen ort am gehirn - aber ich wüsste nicht WAS genau

[@ilonakonradsheim3988]

Und ich wünsch dir alles Gute für deine Zukunft! Und das zitat ist auch sehr schöne, das hör ich zum ersten Mal!

[@ramoncarrasco2208]

i really appreciate your re-analysis. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it still helps me put into perspective my own feelings of grief and isolation. Im sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort in these trying times

[@s0urstr4wbz]

me too !!

[@jordensanders2289]

This movie is so different for people in grief I agree. I lost my baby in 2022, and I watched this movie while I was stuck in that pit of despair phase of grieving and I couldn’t help but wish I could join a community like this. Obviously minus the ritualistic murder, but the echoing scene and the togetherness of everything just called to me so much when I was lost.

[@atsumehana8211]

I’m so sorry for your loss, mama. I can relate. I felt so incredibly isolated when I had my miscarriage in May of 2022. Not even my (then) husband (soon to be ex) grieved with me (and later told me he was actually glad I miscarried, after 8 months of trying again). I remember while working, I was in a room with a tv playing and some sitcom was on. One woman was pregnant but alone/uncommitted, and scared. I remember her talking to her friends, many of them older women offering wisdom, and them all gathering around her and holding her and celebrating with her. When she confessed she was scared they told her how they would be there for her and the baby. I remember how it felt like I’d been shot, how the grief became so overwhelming in that moment knowing how alone I was. I just ran to the break room and cried. Everyone said they were sorry, but not even one person offered so much as a hug.

[@ilonakonradsheim3988]

I am so sorry for both of your losses. We need this connection so much, after all we are the same in my opinion - many of us go (or will go) through immense pain and grief and we need to come closer to each other to give comfort to one another. Personally I have close friends and my christian community I feel connected with - and when we get into deep conversations, I find that many of us have that ache from human experiences which make us so delicate and yet strong. So much words but all I really want to say: I pray and wish you people near you that really see and listen to you. That are willing to stay with you in your pain and happiness - and have their stories so they can offer you comfort and hope. They are out there.

[@KittyPieVibes]

I’ve never heard about “panic need” before this video and I thank you for teaching us about it. Its something I’ve done my whole life but never had a name for. When I’m depressed I tend to push people away, but when I’m anxious I need people around me. This whole video had such a fresh take on midsommar that I’ve never heard before. Thank you as well for your vulnerability, I really hope you can feel a little better soon.

[@cassandraunheeded]

Oh baby. That’s so hard. ❤

[@KittyPieVibes]

@@cassandraunheeded it’s a really scary feeling when it happens, I’m blessed that I have friends and family who are willing to spend time with me and comfort me when I suddenly feel anxious

[@melaniadelia7763]

@@KittyPieVibesIt is insane how much I relate to this. And self-blaming just to reassure myself the relationship's faith is in my hands. I hope you can find peace and comfort one day, either being with your own or surrounded by people around you who love you 😭🫶🏻

[@rowanjoy419]

As an autistic this is hell, I want to do things by myself in my own because is easier for me to keep with the shit I do, when am expected to do things with others my body and brain are confused because I don't interpret information the same way others do...and when it shows and people would make me feel like am a problem that needs to be fixed and I will obviously defend myself and try to go on my own and they don't want that, at the end is either am not longer a part of it or am a part of it but I have to mask and deal with it and is exhausting. Individualism is bad because in this society where your value as a person is your success, am screwed from the start. I never had any "ambition" "dream" "goal" or "purpose" so I don't understand why people look down on me a lot, I just know it feel so dehumanizing so I tried to do what they do to get respect and recognition but I just overworking myself and crying alone and that is when the thought of end it all comes to mind. When I realize am broken, broken because I feels like I was not made for this life, I cannot thrive in any kind of civilization presented here: individualism or collectivism.

[@TimpanistMoth_AyKayEll]

I wish I could think of something helpful to say, but the best I can do right now is: I hear you. I am also autistic and have dealt with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Mostly it's just background noise, periodically it becomes something I actively struggle with. I don't want the things I am "supposed" to want, and I often don't feel the things I am "supposed" to feel. Pretty words (or reasoned argument) to the contrary, about how it's "okay to be who I am" or whoever, ultimately mean very little in the lifelong, conspicuous absence of social proof.

[@soupstoreclothing]

i am also autistic and feel your pain. i recently tried to pull the trigger, quite literally, and found myself too scared. instead i shot the water and left before anyone could investigate the noise. thankfully it's fireworks season. i don't have much advice. just solidarity i guess. i am trying to make more autistic friends because i think that may be the only way to keep surviving in a world that hates us so much. i wish we could dm on youtube. i wish you the best. i hope to make more connections with other autistics and i hope you do too.

[@prozacdick]

these are not the only forms of these. You have a place in this world which far more vast and complex than any of us can ever understand. Thank you for sharing.

[@stormkive4356]

literally same

[@EterPuralis]

Same 😅

[@lanzinator4734]

Love this video!!!!!! One thing I haven't seen talked about is how Dani's fear of abandonment gets triggered when Connie mentions her BF is missing. At first she is worried about Connie and wants to help her but as soon as Dani talks to Christian she gets so wrapped up in his dismissiveness that she completely forgets about and abandons Connie. If Dani were a more secure and healed person she would noticed the danger they were in. It illustrates how when we are wrapped up in our own pain (or relationship drama) we can sometimes become blind to the suffering of others. Justice for Connie and Simon!

[@cloewiththeflow8585]

10/10 work my man. Cried multiple times listening to your commentary. It’s always comforting to know there’s someone feeling what you are.

[@ABalloonInNeed]

when the echoism section started, I looked at the scale and thought, “yeah, I guess I’m probably at a 6 or 7” and then spent the rest of the video silently sobbing with tears streaming down my face relating to every last word you said about Dani. No slights against me should bother me; panic attacks can always wait until later, when I’m not in public or with friends or family; it’s unacceptable or inappropriate or irresponsible to feel overwhelmed or upset if there is anyone even remotely around me. I used to be able to delay the crying, but now I can’t make it start again when I’m in private. Okay. I think I should probably talk to somebody.

[@Octobris]

Yes. (Said lovingly)

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

Second, loving, yes. And...I know exactly how you feel. It's...suffocating. You choke on your feelings because everyone else comes first. I was raised this way by a very Catholic mother and, if I'm being real, it destroyed me and my capacity to form healthy relationships. The whole, "you'll be rewarded later for suffering now" bag of BS. Shit, I remember when my dog died being the one to take care of EVERYTHING and everyone else's emotions, and when I finally had a minute to myself late at night having a mental breakdown in the bathroom alone. That was over a dog, you can imagine how extreme it got during much larger crises. I spend most of my time alone now because it finally broke. I'm done taking care of everyone when they won't recognize I need caring for too even when I tell them that to their face. This is also an unhealthy way of living, I know that. Therapy will help if you're able to. For me it didn't...hm how do I say this? I'll never be what I consider "ok", but it did help to lower my burning resentment for humanity. A little bit. If you have trouble affording mental health services try calling your state's Dept. of Human Services, Dept. of Health, they sometimes have different names depending; they might be able to hook you up.

[@Snowfoxie1]

And acknowledging you need help is half the battle. That alone means you’re an incredibly strong person. Now go and get it, because you deserve it 🫂🫂🫂

[@Snowfoxie1]

@@busimagen that’s what they’re saying: they thought they were verging on dangerously narcissistic but realized they’re dangerously echoist.

[@JulesA5266]

I tend to also hide my strong emotions from others because I absolutely hate being in the center of attention. People's sympathy really make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I have to reciprocate somehow. While I still do hide away (in order not to be an inconvenience), I'm so much better now that I used to be after 5 years of therapy. I think it's admirable that you've been able to come to this realization of yourself because it shows a level of self-awareness that would make therapy successful for you. And so, I hope that you will consider getting therapy too. It was the best decision I've ever made for my life. It helped me escape an abusive relationship and build a better healthier life.

[@TheDramacist]

Midsummer is written for a mature audience who has experienced loss, grief and betrayal. Had I watched this in my 20s or 30s, I don't think I would have understood Dani's complex perspective

[@gabreflex6081]

this whole video is so profound and compelling. sorry for your loss and also thank you for sharing your journey, I'm genuinely very touched by this new perspective!

[@casi3447]

I almost never comment on youtube videos, but this resonated so hard. As someone who has dealt with a mental condition that has driven me into echoism/masking, I loved midsommar and you have effectively summarized every reason why. I very much relate to what you said about them sharing her pain in unison being so weirdly comforting. As disturbed as I was, a small part of me couldn't help but be jealous. In echoism, even though theres that insane drive to minimize the self, I feel there's always a secret longing for the attention that is pushed away. Like amongst all the self blame, even though I believe it to be true, I pray for people to say what Dani's friend does, "you're valid, you're justified," but the cult takes it to a whole other level. It's validation on crack. People that echo, because they see themselves as incapable of fixing things themselves because of that "brokenness", they long for a hero. A savior. And the cult is that hero. There's also something to be said about the weird way that individualism values uniqueness and rewards/expects exceptionalism, but inversely punishes those feelings of greatness. As if one is expected to be exceptional while also being humble and making it look effortless to the outside eye. I can't wait to watch more video essays on your channel

[@tranquil_rose64]

I first saw Midsommar three months before my mom unexpectedly passed away. It became my comfort film as I watched it at least once a week for six months after I lost her. Art that can captivate you and help you process all of the stuff going through your head and emotions is such an important part of the human experience. Fantastic video! 🌼🌸🌺

[@cassandraunheeded]

Watch Heredity.

[@tranquil_rose64]

@@cassandraunheeded It took me a while after that emotionally to watch that one, but I love Hereditary. Midsommar is my favorite though, the cinematography is so breathtaking.

[@elizabethhoffman5895]

so sorry for the loss of your mom ❤ thank you for starting your experience

[@Snowfoxie1]

Ok, this was the best movie review I’ve ever seen. Midsommar is very much a movie where 99% of the time you’ll say “oh yeah, it was horror. Kinda cool that it was set somewhere so bright and peaceful. I saw the twists coming a mile away. It was a little cheesy but Florence Pugh was great. Etc.” But if you see it that exact right 1% of the time, it will feel like the most profound piece of media you have ever consumed. And that happened to be when I saw it. It will always be a weirdly comforting, supremely cathartic, was Ari reading my mind?!?? kind of movie because of how deeply I was grieving and how much in denial about my grief I was when I stumbled across it.

[@Snowfoxie1]

Also, I have no idea what you’re going through. I’m a brand new sub. But whatever it is, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry for the part of yourself you’re still trying to reclaim. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m so sorry you relate to this movie so much now. I’m so sorry, and I’m sending every ounce of love your way.

[@skycarias9920]

I think this film’s use of a sort of religious cult to convey this idea of community and servitude to the people around you is absolutely brilliant. I’m an ex-Christian and was raised with the belief that the best thing that I could do as a person was “serve god and serve others.” I think that this sort of ingrained into me echoist behavior from a very young age, and I now find myself having to consciously think about when it’s okay to NOT serve others. I made poor friendships when I left the church with people who exhibited narcissistic behavior because I no longer had a community to serve WITH me. I’m much better now, but I think that this movie spoke to me for that reason, it was like watching my deconstruction process in reverse. Because having a community is BEAUTIFUL and it’s what I miss most about my religion… having a group to fall to my knees and cry with, a common action in the church, was extremely cathartic. But it wasn’t healthy, because I relied too much on servitude as an identity. And when I left, I was serving alone, much like Dani at the beginning of the film. And, much like Dani, I would suppress feelings of grief, guilt, and shame after I left the church because I no longer had a community to “feel broken” with. But I think that the thing you have to learn eventually, at least from my personal experience, is that you are not fundamentally broken or a burden to be shared among a community. You’re just a person with emotions, and you should be allowed to be that, with AND without a group of people to support you. It’s the difference between feeling broken and believing that you fundamentally ARE broken, and I think that echoists often believe that they are fundamentally broken because they have selfish feelings that they are ashamed of (that’s why they try to get away before expressing the feeling) and they don’t want to burden others because they themselves feel burdened when they don’t have a community. I think this is what converts non-religious people into religious people. Because they can share the burden of servitude with a group and express selfishness without FEELING selfish. I hope all of that made sense, it was a bit of a ramble. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it really speaks to me as an ex-Christian.

[@leahp1765]

Join the methodist church. Also Isaiah 58 and Matthew 6:6 and Matthew 6:16. Wear a Headcovering only when praying if a woman and dress modestly for both sex. You are not broken as a sinner just a criminal. Judgement is just the court system. Stop making it a big deal. He'll is just jail or prison and the day of Judgement is just a court day. Nothing special. We have that in our regular court system. It's not that big deal.

[@skycarias9920]

I was not asking for your opinion.

[@fishy000]

​@@leahp1765Your cult isn't much better than the one depicted in Midsommar.

[@zztopz7090]

It has nothing to do with religion, but with family dynamics. Unbalanced parents will have unbalanced kids. My family was not religious, but both my parents were echoists. They poured everything into their first child, and she terrorized the others, so they in turn became echoists. Except my middle sister, who was ignored, and formed a bit of a demanding personality. Ive met all types of Christians. Maybe demonimpnations make a difference. But of course religious leaders want everyone ekse to be altruistic and serve God by serving those religious leaders.

[@urioriari34]

Or what if Christianity isn't actually about your relationships with those around you so much as your relationship with God directly-beyond church, beyond anything or anyone else in the world.

[@Tilleyforever44]

They do the ceremony like every 70-90 years something like that, so no, his parents wouldn't have been sacrifices in the same ceremony leading him to know that she would be the perfect target. However her vulnerability would make her an easy target either way.

[@Joesmho23]

I remember for the first time actually looking into what an echoist is. Things made a lot of sense. But even in the moment I thought I found something about myself I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like it can’t be right and I’m just taking something that does not belong to me. This movie showed me things I’m afraid of but even want. I’m horrified of ever being seen as pelle and Christian. And I want to have a bond that Connie and Simon had. Connie could not be convinced that Simon left without her. I hope I secure someone’s trust like that

[@cassandraunheeded]

The word is egoist. You are right on all of this. ❤

[@julijepp]

​@cassandraunheeded They do not mean egoist, it's echoist

[@cassandraunheeded]

@@julijepp it’s egoist. Look it up. 💙

[@julijepp]

@@cassandraunheeded watch the full video sweetie 🥰✨️ he mentions echoism. Google: Echoism: The Narcissism Response You Haven’t Heard of By Sarah Fielding The irony lmfao, thank you for your wise words, follow your own advice.

[@satur9starchild]

@@cassandraunheededdid you watch the video? Echoist is the right word, they use it repeatedly throughout the video. Not the same thing as egoist

[@lyyyndsey]

I don't know if it's the universe, or fate, or whatever, but I'm actually going into outpatient therapy in two days for suppressing my mother's tragic death for a year and a half. I had a "need panic" episode. Literally. This video came out literally JUST in time for my outpatient therapy. I've never even heard of echoism, and now I know why I clung to Dani as an "omg so me" character. And I've always had a direct drag to feel like I'm narcissistic but in a self loathing way? And now there's a word for it? And I found out through your new midsommar video two days before I get my life together? Insane. I'm showing this to my outpatient therapist I'll let yall know how it goes

[@emilyglass6625]

The idea of being one-dimensional… I think I’ve grieved a few times now, but my first clearly identifiable experience with grief was the death of my father when I was fresh out of college. My dad was abusive, so I didn’t have a lot of good memories with him. Grieving him didn’t look the way I expected it to, because I couldn’t really miss him. If anything, I knew now that he’d never be able to hurt me again. The thing I remember most about what grief was actually like for me vs what I expected, was the feeling that big parts of *me* were missing or inaccessible. After months, I was almost gaslighting myself - like, I feel like I can remember being funny and quick, but maybe I just made that up? I can’t explain this sense of self-loss in a logical way. My dad didn’t bring out the best or happiest sides of me, so it’s not that I lost out on those parts of myself without him there to elicit them. I don’t know why I felt like a fractional self. I did bounce back but I’ve learned that one of the complexities of adulthood is dealing with grieving that overlaps and layers. I was very fortunate that at the time my dad died, most of the rest of my life was pretty steady and uncomplicated. When losses, big and little, follow on each other, you can find yourself in a long-term struggle to be your entire, multidimensional self

[@Fimbleshanks]

Just spitballing here, but maybe your loss of self had to do with suddenly not having him around as an anchor to the trauma you faced in the past at his hands? I don't know if that makes sense, and I hope I'm not overstepping by saying as much, but maybe this can provide a different angle to look at it? There are different types of grief outside of death that can be just as real and difficult to cope with, so maybe the grief you felt wasn't necessarily because of the loss of him, but the loss of something else that was tethered to him in some way -- whether that something else be a set of important memories, or a piece of your identity, or the foundation of a certain value or worldview you have. When things like those are disturbed, it can lead to a sense that one's self has been disturbed as well. (Speaking only from my own experience, not as any sort of professional, of course.) Regardless, I wish you all the best and much healing.

[@elena-cosminamelinte3299]

My dad is not dead, but he was and still is abusive to me. Alcohol addiction distroyed him and made him behave horribly towards me, my sister and my mom. I moved away 12 years ago, but I allways wondered how I will process the eventuality of his death. I feel like I will not be griveing his actual persona but the time we could've spend together and we didn't got to because of his addiction (my weeding day, my graduations from highschool and university, first job celebration and many more). I feel like im losing a part of me that I will never get back because it was just in my head, my hopes for a better relationship with him. The sadest thing is that sometimes I want to get closer to him but he constantly reminds me when I see him why I pulled away and why I don't visit him so often. Its fing hard loving people that hurt you and the best thing I can do is loving him from a very long distance because I dont want to get hurt anymore.

[@justsomenobody889]

I feel like I could have written this myself... in fact I had to check, maybe I had forgotten. It almost made me feel guilty, how little I grieved.. the grief for most of us in the family took the shape of 'what a waste' because he was such a talented person, even if he did make everyone miserable. But like you said, part of it felt like a bit of me died too, never feels quite the same

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

We are taught that there are happy ends and life in the end becomes a simple, solvable set but things come unresolved, good things have bad timing and emotions become more and more complex. Sometimes it might end/stay that way and you just deal. Let life come as it is i guess.

[@riveranalyse]

It's a relief he can't hurt you any more but gone too is the possibility of having the dad you deserved (even if you already knew that was realistically impossible).

[@unluckychloe13]

to be real i bounced off your channel HARD initially because of the original video - this movie resonated really deeply with me for a lot of the reasons you outlined here, and this was a really insightful watch that helped me connect some of those dots. happy this hit my recommends

[@gus4954]

this video really made me confront the time when two of my friends in my friend group who i thought cared about me "forgot" my birthday even when i indirectly pointed it out and never apologised when we had all been wishing happy birthday to each other. they also conveniently happened to be the only people who could not attend my party of close friends. i blamed it on myself entirely and sought to console them and consolidate our friendships, never once considering that they could have been in the wrong. they hurt me, and i searched to justify their actions by searching within. but i am now beginning to realise that some people just don't have your best interest at heart. some could not care less about you and it's not your job or even within your power to change that without denying or erasing a massive part of yourself.

[@jasonflynn5481]

Yup - it's never good when you have to apologise to people for the hurt they cause you ❤

[@soupstoreclothing]

the thing i've found is, i always give someone the benefit of the doubt at least once (for most things, bar something like cheating). i explain clearly as well as i can why what they did hurt me, and then i reflect on their response. if they deflect back onto me or deny any responsibility, then they're out. i've had exes stalk me and continue to harass me after i cut them off, demonstrating pretty clearly the type of people they are once i've clearly set my boundaries. it's important to stick to those boundaries. i let one person back in after she demonstrated to me the type of person she was, and then she very predictably abused my trust and vulnerability during a hard time in my life to assuage her own fears and pride. it's hard cutting people off and it's even harder knowing if it's the right decision, but i promise, given the benefit of hindsight, i can clearly tell i made the right choices. it's better to be alone and searching for new people to fill that loneliness than to go back to the same abuse that you know. the familiar is comfortable but it can also be damaging. i wish you the best.

[@gus4954]

thank you, those are very kind and wise words! i have always had (and still have) a tendency to find a way to justify why people hurt me and give them the benefit of the doubt beyond reason, most likely because of a deep-seated feeling that I am not good enough. but yes, doing this to an unreasonable extent really does hurt you in the long run, and it is important to build enough respect for yourself to be able to set those boundaries and know that trust is something that really can diminish.

[@soupstoreclothing]

@@gus4954 the most important thing is to communicate. sometimes people don't know that they've done something wrong and it's a legitimate misunderstanding, but sometimes it's not like that and they're very aware of what they're doing. i'm autistic, and so i'm really not good at reading people. so instead of relying on my bad skills at reading people, i communicate as effectively as i can. i've noticed that it's not just autistic people who make bad assumptions. nonautistic people do this too, especially assuming the worst of autistic people who legitimately did not realize how their behavior was coming off to others. communication is the most important thing for anything in any relationship because no one can read each other's minds, and refusing to communicate only leads to bitterness and distrust. it builds resentment until it boils over or someone ghosts you and you don't know why. it can be scary, but it's the only thing that matters. i hope if others read my words, they take this to heart. communicate with people and don't let things go unsaid. have a good day :^)

[@blumeshullman8002]

About fleeing when you feel the tears coming: it isn't always to spare others the burden, it's sometimes a survival strategy because when you cry in front of someone, there is a risk that they will take advantage of it. Whether it's by humiliating you, touching you without consent, or trying to influence you while your mind is less critical, some people see a person crying as an opportunity, and it's best never to give it to them, unfortunately.

[@maca76]

hate it when essayists put a mirror in front of me. The back and fort between asking for esasy stuff and hiding the most painful, while then feeling so guilty that some of the hard stuff spills a little in front of me. I can only think when my gradma died and i went to college to tell my professor i had to leave early to attend the funeral, and actiely rejected people trying to comfort me, or all the times i have said sorryafter getting emotional support for anything... i might have a new perspective for starting therapy again

[@Nergleyt]

I don't know how I came across this video, but I am happy I found it and thank you for making it. I never even heard of what Echoism was before watching this video, and I think you helped me discover a part of myself I never knew how to begin to understand. "If we convince ourselves that someone's being hurtful or insensitive because of our own moral failings, there's still hope. If I'm the problem, then the happiness of the relationship is entirely in my hands. It's a solution that prioritizes hope at the expense of our self-esteem." I can't even count how many times I have unknowingly convinced myself of this. I almost bursted out crying after reading this line, because I have never been able to put this justification for why I self-blame so harshly, into words. But this is exactly it. I would rather convince myself that I am to blame for the behaviours and actions of others to try and hold onto the hope that if I get better, do more, work harder, pull the extra weight, then they will stay, they will know my worth, and everyone will be happy again. Hearing this and reading it makes me feel seen in a way I have never experienced before. So thank you:) I think I have decided it might be time to go see a therapist.

[@igiveuponnames3966]

My god, I have the same fear. Everything you said is so close to my experience with this film, except I felt it during my first watch. It must be hard for others to understand when they can’t empathize with Dany. I am so happy you made this. Thank you. I hope this reaches more people, because this message is so important. Thank you

[@Shammon5]

This is so poignant and meaningful. Thank you for sharing all this with us. I'm honored to hear your pain, and your analysis is so powerful. You have made me reexamine losses in my own life through a new lense and clarified what it was about this film that spoke to me so much, but that i could never pin down directly. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that over time your grieving makes your grief a little easier to carry.

[@suhendrickson7362]

Man, I’ve got some reading to do. I always felt really comforted by the scene where the horga women “share” Dani’s grief comforting, too.

[@nightshiftreports3866]

Comforted?!? That was some of the creepiest shit in the movie 😂 wow.

[@suhendrickson7362]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@nightshiftreports3866Right. I’m sure that was the intention. I’m just resonating with his words at 50:00

[@nightshiftreports3866]

@@suhendrickson7362 I see what you mean.

[@cassandraunheeded]

Feeling comforted is right.

[@cassandraunheeded]

@@nightshiftreports3866no it wasn’t. It was healthy.

[@lauranahomi6303]

This is your greatest video. The vulnerability was so palpable, thank you for this. I hope soon you’ll heal and things become more bearable. I’m venting here: I grew up seeing death. My grandfather died five days after I was born, my other grandfather died when I was 3 and by the time I was in middle school I probably had gone to a funeral at least once every two years, probably more. I am hyper aware of the death of others and have experienced grief so many times, yet I still lack the skills to cope with it, or at least have compassion with myself. I’m so aware of the ephemeral existence of my loved ones that I have started to grief my mother, who is still alive. I cry missing her, when I just saw her, and while talking to her I can’t stop thinking she is going to leave. I can’t look at my cats without thinking that they will be gone one day too. In my head, I have to do everything to make them happy while they are alive, as if their happiness depended on me. I hope one day I can get better and manage my grief.

[@FTZPLTC]

I think there's big similarities between Midsommar and Melancholia, in terms of showing grief and depression from the inside, rather than just how they look to other people.

[@Aster_Risk]

I can never watch Melancholia again because of how real it is. Both sisters in the film demonstrate the depression, anhedonia and also death anxiety I have. I can point to that film and tell someone to watch and it'll explain that kind of mental illness.

[@FTZPLTC]

@@Aster_Risk - "How can you be depressed when this wedding was so expensive?!"

[@nightshiftreports3866]

Melancholia was garbage, Midsommer was not

[@cassandraunheeded]

Other people see nothing.

[@FTZPLTC]

@@nightshiftreports3866 - That opinion is incorrect.

[@bellenotbella]

The thing about the Hårga I never could parse was that they only live until 72, when they sacrifice themselves/are sacrificed. For the Midsommar festival to only occur every 90 years, as they claim, there would be no living memory within the community-in fact there would be a gap of 18 years, or a whole “season” of life, between the death of those who were newborns during the last festival and the next. Which leads to two theories-1) this is genuinely only done every 90 years, with the rituals and details of the festival passed down in the community until the next festival (it could also be they do a smaller/less murder-y version of the Midsommar festival yearly-see the photos of the May queens-but the 9 sacrifices only happen every 90 years), or 2) the 90-year interval is a lie we’re meant to pick up on once we hear that no one in the community lives past 72.

[@Ana-yh8ek]

Thank you. Thank you for the courage to make this video. Vulnerability like that, regarding loss, grief and the loss of oneself is honestly unheard of (at least by me) and surprisingly healing.

[@dsp4ir]

when i watched midsommar, i was just recovering from a relationship at the time, and since i have borderline personality disorder it can warp my perception of relationships quite a bit. i genuinely thought that our relationship was healthy and that we broke up on good terms, when in reality, we basically both felt miserable around each other but also hated it when we spent time with other people. midsommar was a horribly brutal reality check when i realized that hating your partner's presence and dreading communication is not normal or healthy at all. beautiful movie visually and story wise, and i think it's so cool how often i see people actually change their opinion about this movie. that's how it works. you go through things, you think one thing, and in retrospect, you realize you should have thought differently.

[@kalinbeller2419]

i watched your original video a couple years back and truthfully found myself very frustrated with your take on the film. i wanted to write out this lengthy response in the comments but ultimately just clicked off the video and kept my opinion to myself lol. i applaud your ability to reexamine not only your opinions, but also how your life experiences at the time could have blinded you to the nuances of the film and its characters. i am truly so sorry for your loss. when i watched midsommar for the first time i had lost a family member in which i had a complicated relationship with. i was also trying to leave a toxic relationship that i was incredibly dependent on through out my grieving process. dani’s character resonated with me in a lot of painful and ugly ways. i do think its valid to say that at times both she and christian can feel like caricatures of these echoists/narcissistic archetypes but i don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing because these caricatures are being explored with nuance and the story is about their toxic dynamic. there is also the idea of loss of self that you talk about in the video. all loss requires a grieving process - whether it’s a breakup or death of a loved one or even as simple as a job/opportunity. the world we live in doesn’t give us much space to feel loss safely much less process it. i truly appreciate this video and i feel so seen by it. i hope you have all the love and support you need while processing this loss ❤️

[@sami101298]

I'm...so thankful to you for opening up and sharing your change of view point. The segment about echoism is a sort of wake up moment for me. I've been struggling to end a friendship because of my concern for that friend despite the lack of concern she has shown me. Hearing what echoism is, just sort of validates everything I've been working on in therapy and gives it a name and opens up so many doors for me. Just...thank you

[@ReadingMedia]

I've not heard the term "echoism" but what you're describing sounds very similar to codependency. What a lovely video, thank you for posting.

[@popp5926]

Now that you mention it, I'm thinking perhaps echoism plays a big part in codependency.

[@NoxAtlas]

I never heard about Echoism before, but really fits me and is probably exactly why I identified so much with Dani, despite the fact that I didn't experience grief like she did. I was forced to repress myself to the point where I completely lost myself and if someone asked me what I wanted, I'd just reply with the question "What do you want me to do?" It took many years of working through childhood trauma and accepting the fact that I've been emotionally abused for many years. I've clinged to people who couldn't care less about me, but it gave me comfort to know that I could be of use for them. What really helped me to get out of it was distancing myself from people and learning to focus on myself. It's quite simple: If you're stranded on a deserted island, the first thing you have to learn is to get used to your own company.

[@isaacthatsit]

I don't think the intensity of grief lessens, you just get better at dealing with it, and the time between two bouts grows. But it's still as intense as in the beginning, in my opinion.

[@Yunaschesirekat]

I used to need panic all the time. It was codependency on the people around me, especially towards that special person that i felt i NEEDED to have in my life. It pushed them away in the end.

[@PaigeSinclaire]

This movie hit me so hard, my father died and I was in a similar situation with my ex husband it was like parallel. Watching it made me cry so hard. It brought back memories just how Dani and Christian interacted. My dad had died while I was with my ex husband and it shattered me it broke me, it it weren’t for my dog Athena i probably woulda killed my self tbh.

[@thevictoriazh]

I am so sorry you went through this and I am very glad you are still here. Athena is such a good girl for being such a supportive friend

[@Gray429]

I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and thank you for revisiting this movie. Thank you for being vulnerable. A really good scene around echoism is when Dani’s howling in grief and the rest of the women are “echoing” her - in the face of losing her last tie to herself, they become that tie by echoing a reflection of herself, so she sees them now as an extension of her. I know a lot of people felt this scene very cathartic. Personally I found this scene psychologically disturbing. I was very lucky to grow up half in indigenous collectivist culture and also in urban individualism, and in my culture, everyone grieves together. Men, women, children, we feel connected and accepted in sobbing, wailing, crying together at funerals (or tangi, is what they’re called where I’m from), and we also sing and dance together to express and honour others. What those girls were doing with Dani did not feel that way to me. Only that they were observing and regurgitating HER pain, performatively, like one would in a theatre stage play. One might question that Dani’s relief and empowerment about this isn’t some sort of validation and “seen”-ness that it looks like. But for all echoists, perhaps there is something viscerally relieving about feeling US being the ones echoed back, about other people “performing” for “us” and not the other way around. I love this movie. I see a lot of myself in Dani too. I’ve lost a lot of people very young in life which spiralled me into the most frightening emotions and mental states I’d ever known and been very vulnerable to this type of thing. But there is hope. Personally I went through years of building my own identity/sense of self up, learning what my boundaries were and how to negotiate or enforce them around others. I think you just being AWARE of your own actions, feelings, and others intentions is huge. Staying curious and exploratory about WHY we do things is crucial. Great video!

[@jaclynfairhead5848]

This movie really moved me so much when it came out. And then the love of my life died suddenly and now this film connects with me so much more deeply. There's something about the depth of grief that you can't understand until you've been there. I am definitely going to be reading the books you cited.

[@bean-phaidin]

thank you so much for this video. i have struggled a lot with CPTSD following toxic dynamics with narcissistic people, i was misdiagnosed as borderline a decade ago, as i feel a lot of us are. i had never heard of "Echoism," despite being well familiar with Echo's side of the myth. I never had word before to describe my M.O in relationships -- to completely lose myself, and typically just avoid relationships altogether to prevent it. this has given me such an amazing word and concept to describe my exact experience, and definitely new angles of working with this. this is an invaluable video, and i've been sharing it really widely. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

[@jk3253]

What I love about Midsommar is on how many different levels it can be appreciated. As a reflection on grief as you analyze here, but also I have seen beautiful analyses of this movie from the point of view of reflecting the similarly oscillating nature of abusive relationships, breakdowns of the film as an exploration of real world high control group methods and processes of radicalization, discussions of the imagery and symbolism and color theory and cultural resonance of the movie. It is a movie that invites analysis and reflection and provides a rich set of details for the viewer to accomplish that.

[@samanthaborsato5649]

Your vulnerable re-processing of Midsommar is a deeply fulfilling reflection of the identity deconstruction I've been going through that I couldn't find the right language for. I'm about to turn 30 at the end of the month and I've been rediscovering myself for about the last year, finding empathy for the ideas and people that I have let exert control over me and also for my own imperfections. I didn't realize up until now that I've been grieving the loss of what I thought my life was supposed to be, the loss of certainty. I've harboured a lot of anger towards those closest to me for seemingly failing to meet my emotional needs without realizing that I have failed them in some aspects, too. I see now the mutual urge in my various relationships to change each other instead of embracing each other exactly where we are. Learning is a process, not an event. We can only do our best until we know better. I am Dani being swept away by my own righteousness and too permeable to society's ideals. I am Christian being too hard on people and afraid of my faults. I think each character is portrayed as single dimensional because taken together they become the complexity of the human experience.

[@GNARical]

Your ability to self critique and your introspection should be praised. Thankyou for i troducing me to echoism, i felt it helped name things i see inside my own behaviours. This was fantastic beginning to end.

[@ananas22anne]

i'm so sorry for your loss, whatever it may be. i like how movies and literature give us the chance to get in touch and understand parts of ourselfes and greatly enjoyed your new analyses of one of my favourite movies. to adress your fear, that you stated at the end: i think there's nothing wrong with getting out a more indirect, analytical approach of your personal grief out in the world. but i hope, that you have people in your life, that you can go through your grieving process with on a personal, direct level. of course we have the need to fill that void. that's what being a human is about. the question is what we fill it with. and i think getting something creative and interesting out in the world is one of the good things - as long as you don't try to get that needed personal connection from some people on youtube, that only real life people can give you.

[@NB-gu9rs]

You have no idea how inspiring it is to see someone showing this kind of self-awareness and growth in this crappy crappy time for the world. I really hope you have a great year in the wake of whatever you've been going through. As for your last questions, as someone who's made some serious mistakes and made some serious progress... no, you're doing exactly the right thing here. Keep talking.

[@DarkLady1313]

Fuck. I'm an echoist. You started playing clips of her mid-panic and I realized. I HAVE DONE THAT. I HAVE SAID THAT. I'm going to go get help.

[@dancincoolkid]

idk if you'll see this now, but redboxrx is a (relatively) inexpensive resource for ssris that you might want to check out. much love

[@Siiseliify]

Sorry for your loss. It's incredible to see someone make such a video, in a such painful situation.

[@Oona_Mae]

The scene of communal grieving alone is enough for me to understand why this cult would appeal to anybody, even without the underlying plot of grief. I've lived a deeply lonely life full of neglect, and I've always mourned and suffered alone. There's a lot of beauty in the idea that you can be surrounded by people who love you regardless of how long they've known you, and to have those people carry some of that pain with you. I recently lost somebody, and as an atheist, I found most comforting words hollow and painfully meaningless. I found a poem by Heidi Priebe which has run through my head every day since: "Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "Love was here". In the finer print, quietly, "Love still is"." I wish you well on your journey of relearning how to live.

[@ItsAsparageese]

Heidi Priebe? The same one with the amazing psychology KZbin channel? I didn't know she also wrote poetry, that rules. And yeah, "love still is" is right. A friend once told me that grief isn't something we move on _from_ but something we move on _with,_ and that change of a simple preposition has really changed my perspective and helped me.

[@Oona_Mae]

@@ItsAsparageese And I had no idea she had a KZbin channel! Thanks, friend.

[@ItsAsparageese]

@@Oona_Mae Huzzah! That works out nicely lol, thank you as well friend 😁

[@ReidScott-vu3zk]

I watched this for a second time, and I can confidently say that this video changed the way I look at myself, and the way I let people treat me. You have inspired me to regain confidence in myself. Thank you.

[@Carov00]

As someone who’s spent lives living to serve others, in and out of codependent relationships which end up tragically every time and who is pursuing a career entirely based on helping others (medicine) at the expense of one’s own health. The insight on echoism resonated with me in a way that brought me to tears. I feel incredibly bothered now by the idea that I may be giving up my life for others, I never really cared about it since my own self worth has been practically nonexistent for years but this made me spiral into a crisis and made me realize that I do not want more tragedy in my life caused by my own actions and allowance of bad things to keep happening. I want to thank you for making this and being brave enough to share it, the heavy emotional perspective and actual psychological explanations make this video life changing in a good way, so again thank you.

[@lntcmusik]

I see myself in a similar situation. Will you make any substantial changes now? Or is it even a good idea to change that? I don't know what to do with my life since I've uncovered this crisis.

[@cerebraxis607]

I think you may get something out of the film "You won't be alone". Not so heavy on loss, but heavy on what it is to be human, in its rawest form. Worth A look.

[@lisah2464]

It’s very comforting to see a better understanding of Dani in critical analysis. My first watch was very cathartic and I felt deeply empathetic toward Dani. Unfortunately at the time most people shared the idea that Dani was boring self centered and antagonistic. While I’ve got bigger problems than what people think about a movie I think peoples vitriolic reactions to such a damaged and vulnerable character helped to justify my own tendency to deeply suppress and hide my own emotions. A tense unwavering walk to somewhere private only to weep uncontrollably on the ground . That’s relatable to the point of discomfort. Truly poignant for myself is the crying scene with the women. I wanted so badly to feel that connected to anything. It reflects the twisted animalistic nature of suffering and healing. The horrors that were occurring alongside that moment seemed dim and unreal compared to the horror of having so many people witness your vulnerability. Dani is disconnected from reality, not noticing the true violence and nature of the situation she’s in, but that only amplifies the truth. When you are not addressing problems and you are stuck in a revolving door of shock, pain, humiliation, and false composure the events taking place around you feel far away. Even if those events are further traumatizing you. As everyone has said from the beginning it’s a wonderful look at the circumstances that draw people into cults, understanding how regular people can be driven to commit atrocities, how grief shapes you into something entirely new. Great video!

[@margoalex.]

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson before, but the Harga remind me a lot of Hill House in the way it’s almost an entity of its own (almost Lovecraftian) and how it essentially absorbs the main character into it, due to the main character’s trauma and lack of familial stability. It certainly helps that HOHH has a lot of lesbian undertones between the main character and her “friend” she has a contentious relationship with, allowing the house to pit the two against each other (much like Dani and Christian)

[@jorge_413]

I loved Hill House, and I loved the Netflix adaptation even more. I really like that feeling of “there’s something more to it” like you’re missing something really important and scary, like there’s a secret symbolism behind the book that only Shirley Jackson knew about, and died before explaining it.

[@sarahellis7252]

I'm sorry for your loss. I think processing grief through creativity is one of the best ways to heal and learn. I know I'm just a random commenter but the profound shift in perspective that you've experienced is a big step toward breaking unhealthy cycles. It's going to be okay. I loved this video essay and best of luck to you.

[@userhndrxx]

Early to a meeptop video, is this what being a true cinephile is like?

[@vitaminwater9662]

Nah that's jeremy jahns fans. The true cinema buffs are the first to know whether you need to be incoherently drunk or not to enjoy a movie

[@vikingthedude]

Patrick Willems fans would disagree

[@danfromtheburgh]

Stop trying

[@cassandraunheeded]

See CZsworld if you want to see the real thing.

[@Geordiecrafts]

I watched midsommer back when it first came out and it had such a strong hold on me. I found myself thinking about it again and again, mostly because of a connection I felt with Danny. I watched it again and then I watched/read some analyses and discourse on it (including your original video) to try and process my feelings about it. I just want to say that this particular revisit video has been the best one I've seen so far on the subject of this movie and psychology of the characters. I'm sorry for your loss, and I thank you for making this video essay, I needed to hear a lot of this.

[@oscaruncomfortable]

oh... so thats what I've been overcoming, echoism fuck- HOLY SHIT THIS VIDEO IS TOO REAL STOP

[@cassandraunheeded]

Egoism. See earlier. ❤

[@maca76]

that end about wanting to be part of the cult. i remember i watched the Hagas almost transfixed in their sense of community, looking at my boyfriedn and saying "i would be so vulnerable to a cult"

[@cassandraunheeded]

@@maca76 good job.

[@ilikemusic2726]

I was not expecting to cry. My cat was lost last year and I relate so deeply to what you said about grief and grieving. Even now I sometimes find myself breaking down out of nowhere. Also wow I learned something about myself today. I'm a deep echoist. Awesome haha. Anyways, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for this video

[@KristenNicoleYT]

I have never heard of need panic before watching this video, but I have definitely experienced that in romantic relationships that have gone sour. I have some reflection and reading to do after watching this video. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time and dealing with grief. I hope this video has been cathartic and helpful for you to make

[@KristenNicoleYT]

I have dated too many Christians in my time.

[@biochroma]

I always immediately identified with Dani because I first watched the film while I was still grieving a miscarriage, and like her I never wanted to burden anyone else with my feelings. Grief is something pretty much everyone has to experience at some point in their life, and the more we live and love, the more grief we are given because death is inevitable for everyone. I remember upon my first few rewatches I couldn't even stay in the room during the scene where she is wailing while Christian holds her on the sofa because it feels so real and painful.

[@rulerofjotunheim3160]

I had no idea that such a thing as an echoist existed, it’s both comforting and upsetting to know something explained my life so well and I had no idea

[@Moonladyify]

Such an amazing analysis! Thank you for sharing your personal insights and change of insight on the movie, it is one of my favorites - though I also liked your initial analysis as well. [Also, I’m also I’m so sorry for your loss, you mentioned that you were grieving.] The ‘R’ symbol is Raido in the runic system which means someone is going on a journey, normally as a choice after struggles and ups and downs - this symbol is also on Dani’s clothes when she dances with the women. It’s so subtle and interesting. x

[@SaeraOfTheVoid]

The algorithm has once again brought me to another video analyisis early? You must be doing god's work, my dude. This stuff heals my broken soul

[@reganv.8309]

It is always baffling to me how some people can't understand a lot of emotional situations until they go through it. This is a lack of emotional intelligence, because its not only about you, nor about the other person or situation, is about understanding how emotions affects us in different ways depending on soooooo many things. Glad you matured and could see and empathize with what you couldn't three years ago.

[@JaneenDodds]

You do not even have to apologize for your former view of the movie--that was okay. And it is fine that you feel differently now. It seems like life changes us but sometimes leaves our views the same. I am so sorry for your time of loss...You seem strong and I think you will find your with through this period! Take care!

[@cillyhoney1892]

Years ago I was seeing a therapist and we were talking about narcissism and my family members who exhibit it. I mentioned that I was like Echo, that I felt like Echo. She didn't know who Echo was so I told her the myth of Echo and Narcissus. She knew narcissism came from a Greek myth but she didn't know the particulars of it.

[@pssurvivor]

i interpreted the ending as dani feeling the loss of christian and her last tie to the outside world. with him gone, much as he was not an ideal partner, he still kept her connected to the world outside, to herself and to the reality she had always known. With him gone all of that is lost. as someone that has been in a toxic relationship, that i had trouble leaving for the longest time because i felt i didn't want to lose the part of me that was connected to the world and other people, i really felt her loss in teh last moments

[@cassandraunheeded]

She was smiling and I think, glad to lose him. It IS a breakup movie.

[@pssurvivor]

@@cassandraunheeded i interpreted it as a grimace

[@cassandraunheeded]

@@pssurvivor it was a smile. Watch it again. 💖

[@8pierrot89]

​@@cassandraunheeded ew a radfem

[@craxyman9025]

I saw this movie twice in theaters. I could never understand how people disliked it.

[@Dissolved-Into-Shadows]

Your ability to honestly, and intimately, reevaluate not only this film, but yourself, is absolutely...beautiful. Thank you. I actually watched your original video on Midsommer and Hereditary and ended up, kinda "hating" you. When I first watched Midsommer, I, like Dani, had lost everything...what killed me the most, was how (I felt) you entirely missed not only the Hårga's purposeful influence on, but the amplification of the negatives of Dani and Christian's relationship...anyways, when I saw this new upload, I clicked on it with apprehension, and a readiness to be angry...and the complete opposite happened. I applaud you my friend. And I thank you for reminding me to never stop questioning and reevaluating not only my own beliefs, but also my own biases. Be well. (and not that one "subscription" makes a difference to your channel at this point, but today, you earned mine)

[@KristinaB-id3cx]

I understand this, I felt a plaintive “why don’t you get it” about negative reviews of both this one and Hereditary. Also wonder if he does an edit on his initial take of Hereditary but maybe it’s actually good to NOT understand family trauma to that extent lol. For Beau Is Afraid, I tried to watch it but that sh17 was unwatchably cringy anxiety provoking. I tapped out. I need to try it again because those other 2 Aster movies were so worth the trauma of watching them.

[@lowrider81hd]

I grew up in a tiny village like this in the 50’s in Switzerland. Not with all people wearing the same clothes etc, but having these huge dinners and village events every year. 1st of August Independence Day, Fastnacht, Silvester, people’s birthdays, Easter, 6th of December St. Nicholas Day, Christmas… our village celebrated it all together. Nothing gory or brutal ever happened except for the pigs being roasted. However I do not know where most of the old people went, they were just gone some day… as a child, this is how it seemed anyway. 😁😁😁

[@ryuakai83]

This was a lot to take in, but the universe is weird. I really needed to watch this today.

[@hannaheneghan661]

Ari Aster understands grief and loss so well. His films have been huge for me, too, after suffering loss and grief in my own life. I hope that you are able to move through your grief- it is one of the hardest processes to go through in the world. May you carry it with strength.

[@aestheticalrose4553]

I lost my very best friend to suicide a little over two years ago. This video made me weep because I am still grieving and the grief is still as strong as it was when it first happened.

[@PaperParade]

The movie was extremely difficult for me, and honestly a bit traumatizing, because two years earlier I had lost my baby brother to suicide, and the year after I had a relationship and breakup VERY similar to Dani and Christian. I understood her completely and felt her portrayal of grief was so realistic and similar to myself. I’ve also, coincidentally, been in a cult for a few years in the past and know what those dynamics are like and what it’s like to end up in one. Altogether, I think the film was extraordinarily done but I would never be able to watch it again.

[@madz2013]

What is art if not something to revisit and gain a new understanding of on additional viewings? The first time I saw it in theaters I had never been in a serious adult relationship and I had never experienced true grief beyond losing my childhood dog. I'm now almost 30 and I've been in my first adult relationship for 4 years, and I've experienced the loss of my beloved grandfather who was more like a father to me. My entire family watched him crumble away from pancreatic cancer. Watching this movie is a completely different experience for me now. I loved it then but I have an even deeper appreciation for it now. I made my partner watch it with me at the beginning of the relationship kindof as a test to see how he'd react and he loved it. We watch it every year and dressed up as Dani and Christian for Halloween 🤣 he's nothing like Christian though, but I have been in a cult before so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@z0mbi3peach95]

Never has a movie scene affected me in the way that the scene of Dani’s sister and parents being unalived in the way that they were, followed by the guttural, genuine way she cried. Oofff. Some of that movie will never leave my brain

[@ZombiebyProxy]

Never liked showing emotions for reasons. Ex told me that they felt I didnt care or hated them if I didnt show them my emotions. Asked me to talk to them about them. Later told me the reason they were avoiding & cheating on me was because I 'heaped all my emotions and problems' on them after 11 years together.

[@basedjiren3889]

The ending was fucking terrifying and ive never seen the actual movie myself, just snippets and watching video reviews. The beginning and end were some of the most disturbing shit ive ever seen

[@kjajakkajakkk6122]

I'd like to thank you, because I'm currently writing a paper to graduate from Visual Arts, and this video just helped me a lot to resume what I am trying to say with my project. I have been trying to explain this dicotomy of the collective nature of plants and our current human society. In the process, I have realized I sound a bit like I'm part of a cult when I talk about hyper-individualism and It's effects on us, and now I see It's because I have been ignoring the extreme opposite of it. I also loved the self-psychoanalisis of it all, since as a visual artist, a lot of my own feelings and thoughts get to influence every fixation and themes I put in my work. Great work! Loved it.

[@herb4n7egend]

i watched midsommar shortly after losing my dad, while in a relationship very similar to danis. it was one of the most impactful films i ever watched. i had to pause more than a handful of times to cry, to calm myself from a panic attack or off the edge of a full on breakdown. i didnt make it through the full movie the first time around actually. i only finished it 2 years later, and it hurt just as much the second time, the pain was just less fresh and i had learned how to cope better. its one of my all time favorite movies, but its one you have to relate to to understand.